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NTA. He deliberately messed with something that she made with her late mother, without even asking her if it was necessary, and destroyed something irreplaceable.
Rest of the reddit post: I have a very large closed bioactive terrarium which I made with my mother 15 years ago. It's one of my favorite things I have of her from before she passed. This terrarium is my pride and joy, and has come with me everywhere since we planted it. It was always super healthy and beautiful, and I've only ever had to open it four times to do a little maintenance and watering. My husband knows all of this, which is why I don't understand why he decided to tamper with it in my absence. I didn't notice the night I got home because I was exhausted, but the next morning, I went to check on the terrarium to find it in a terrible state. The roots were rotting and the plants dying and molding. He told me that the day I left, he poured a few cups of water into the vessel and sealed it again. I was so mad I cried and it turned into a huge argument because "it's just a plant" and "all you do is look at it anyway". He called me ungrateful and overdramatic, and that I should appreciate that his intention was to help me, and that he didn't ask because he didn't want to bother me on my trip. I ended up canceling our anniversary plans, partly because I was so upset that I didn't want to go, and partly because I wanted to try and salvage the plants and that would require time. He hit the roof when I told him and is now sleeping in a separate room and refusing to speak to me because according to him, I'm being petty and trying to destroy our marriage. Am I being oversensitive about my plants? My friends are pretty evenly split and have pointed out that he was just trying to be thoughtful, however misguided it was. TL:DR; AITA for canceling an anniversary trip which my husband was excited for because he accidentally destroyed the terrarium I made with my late mother?
Nta, he could have looked up how much water he should add or leave it the eff alone. "All you do is look at it," he doesn't respect something you worked hard on. If he has a special train replica, wash it in the sink. When he gets mad, just tell him that all he does is look at it. He probably wanted it gone because he didn't like it and made the excuse that he was trying to water it.
@@1985wolfman "make him pay every day" is going a bit too far, but if you can't see what's wrong with what her husband did... well, good for those men who apparently feel so entitled to pull this kind of shit that they'd rather give up on marriage entirely than admit to any wrongdoing. they probably would be happier single, seeing as terrible husbands who make their wives miserable usually end up miserable themselves.
No. If your good intentions go wrong and hurt someone you love, you apologize and make amends. You don't throw a tantrum and try to minimize your mistake by demeaning something important to them. He "was trying to help"? He "didn't want to bother her"? Bullshit. According to the wife, her husband knows she's only opened it for maintenance four times over fifteen years. There's no way that it wasn't intentional. But let's say it wasn't. Let's say he didn't pay any attention at all to this thing that's hugely important to his wife and therefore didn't realize the terrarium didn't need maintenance. Frankly, that's a bad sign in itself, but not necessarily a red flag outright; some people just aren't very perceptive. However, I've been meaning to start a closed bioactive terrarium myself, and there's a wealth of online resources about keeping terrariums; there's really no excuse for him not to have looked it up. Refusing to admit how careless he was and how much he screwed up means that either he's too proud to own up to an honest mistake and would rather blame his wife for being upset, or he's incapable of empathizing with his wife's feelings if he personally doesn't think it should be that important. In other words, whether or not he did so accidentally or maliciously, neither bodes well for their marriage.
