I'm the guy in the video. I can't express how helpful this talk was for me to understand more about myself, and I'm struggling with the questions Dr k left me with. Sigh, but I'm trying to get a better understanding of myself. P.S. It is so awkward that my call-in is, well first of all so damn long, and secondly has turned into a video on RU-vid. This feels surreal.
I have immense gratitude towards you for sharing. I have some weird struggles that never knew someone else could have, bc they are so specific and you talking about them was so good. You mental process through the call is amazing and super validating for me. Good to know this call helped you, and be sure it will help many more people. Thanks again.
It's helpful for abuse victims who have *actually* done wrong things as well as ODD. It's easy to blame your mistakes on your abuser instead of taking responsibility.
When dr. K said that he wonders if the guy is oppositional defiant with himself something in me woke up. I’ve been slowly realising and noticing that i am always purposely sabotaging myself in one way or another and usually break things off abruptly for no apparent reason and everytime i have inner chat with myself about setting goals or achieving something i always break my own rules and destroy whatever goals i’ve conciously set and then wonder why…
Ive felt burned out with no energy since i was in my early teens, I'm 27 now and nothing has changed everything just gets harder and harder every year and I have less and less energy.
Same here, and every time i seek help they shut the door in my face, so i'm left trying to figure out how to deal with everything on my own. It sucks, and I can't see an end to it. How the fuck can i navigate through this and get better when even the professionals can't help me.... i'm sorry, i just needed to vent :/
EDMR therapy helped me but I had very clear (the ones I can remember anyway) traumas I could target. It is still something you can use for internal thought patterns that you want to change.
Around 37:00 I'm crying. Lol. Self-imposed expectations and oppositional defiance are relatable to a degree I can't express. The numbness for me is dissociation from my disappointment from not reaching the unrealistic goals I impose on myself. Lol. We do weird stuff without a conscious reason. We fool ourselves. It's wild. Edited to add: I found out that even when my feelings don't feel, my body feels those feelings. One gets so skilled at hiding real emotion that the body just holds onto it. And being told you deserve better - "you deserve to do better for yourself" is heartbreaking and overwhelmingly good to realize. It's okay to be sad about the opportunities that have passed and forgive yourself for past actions so you can move to the next opportunity. ❤️
Going to therapy and learning how to recognize my emotions has been huge for me and my habit of dissociating. It's incredible that the body can feel so much even if the mind feels separate from the emotions!
I have autism and ADHD and this sounds very similar to my autism tbh, I find it difficult to do stuff and when I do stuff and I am on a roll all of a sudden a some point I get overwhelmed and deadlocked in the middle of making a decision and shutdown.
Exactly my thought. Many things sounded very similar to autistic burnout in my opinion, specially when you’re undiagnosed most of your life and you can’t even notice you’re masking. It’s incredible how much I can relate with this guy, founding out I am autistic only two years ago at age 21, I’m only now seeing the long lasting burnout and depression I have endured all this years without knowing “what was wrong with me”. I takes time to heal from that trauma and I often feel like I will never be able to reverse the damage of burnout, but at least after hearing this episode and reading some comments I don’t feel that alone.
@@pipersecretp3I agree. I’m not sensing the kind of explosive anger that one might see with ODD. It sounds more like PDA flavour of Autism (which I also have). His description of putting on his ‘ideal persona’ sounds like classic neurodiverse masking. I’ve heard of people with intense PDA would fight themselves on demands they place on themselves.
This story made me - on a very rare occasion - very emotional, because I've gone through the exact same thing as this person and I'm still stuck in it as well. It's very hard to endlessly keep on trying, while others always seem to get their stuff together fairly naturally. Yet somehow you don't. The will to still continue and work becomes less and less, because you know it'll be yet another dissapointment or even trauma. It's very hard to explain without sounding lazy or privileged to others.
Do you think that your worry about being dissapointed, falling short of your expectation or from judgment contibute to making things harder than they should be? To me it sounds like a ton of additionnal stress and those are the things that make it all harder, not the failures.
I'm prone to burnout due to a toxic type of motivation that i have. It's a double edged sword because while i am extremely motivated and often see good results in my life because of it, but sometimes my motivation feels like an engine that has no regulator and just revs and revs until it overheats. As a result, i go through huge lifts and crashes in my motivation. Im doing better about managing it by recognizing when my inner voice is pushing me too much. I have to force myself to relax sometimes and even though it's hard, its making motivation more sustainable
Do you have ADHD? I have same issue, every job is the same, I work 16/7. Not because my boss asks, because I can't just stop, I can't do anything when my brain go nuts about something in my work. This results on several burnout episodes throughout the year. I'm seeking help, I'm tired of it. I'm always stressed out, on the edge.
UNDERARTED COMMENT!! I would love if Dr. K did a video focused specifically on Toxic Motivation. I 100% feel you! It's like becoming the worlds best guitar player and being solely motivated by getting with beautiful women. You'd achieve this level of success through the worst means possible lol But the question remains... is it really that bad if the ends justify the means?
I have 0 motivation except like once a month. Lol but what I've been doing is reminding myself I dont need to reach my expectations right now, getting better takes time. Instead of expecting myself to finish every task every day and getting down on myself when I don't, I focus on the things I did do and which things I've done that I couldn't do before or did even slightly better. Baby steps, you know? 😁❤️
That was so exciting to listen to. When K touched upon an emotion and Param sidetracked with rationality, and they were going back and forth like this, my heartbeat got faster and I thought to myself "What's coming next?? Please have an emotion, Param! Go, K!" like I was watching an intense match of some sport. So fucking proud of Param for staying with his emotion and letting it come out, there's no doubt that it felt good and was good!
I've been struggling with burnout for years now also, especially as a former "gifted kid". Unrealistic expectations for myself and from my narcissistic father defining success only in a financial sense with two back to back abusive bosses have taken all motivation away, given me a CPTSD diagnose and made me not want to build a career since I'm worried about burning out again (with much higher stakes as you get older) Most likely depressed honsetly but it is exhausting after years of living this way (fear of failure, low motivation, thinking the past will repeat itself if I try to go forward, etc...) At this point, I just want to live my life unburdened by the insane pressures and expectations of conventional definitions "success." That ending reminded me of the ending of Goodwill Hunting and the famous "It's not your fault" scene. Going to repeat to myself when needed: "You deserve better." That really helped chip away at the rut I'm currently in.
I almost never cry, but I literally started crying when doctor K said "You deserve better", which has never happened, especially just from watching a video on youtube. I think i am going through a lot of the same stuff as Param...
Same here, even though i didn't connect very much with Param, that line made me ugly-cry in a way that i haven't in at least 8 years. Now i'm trying to pick up the pieces and understand what that means for me (i was looking here in the comments to see if someone had my same experience and created a thread that'd help me figure it out, maybe i should give it more time). Aoe heal!
I related a fair bit to this discussion, and it helped me really accept smtg that I’ve known for some time in the abstract but also hadn’t come to terms with yet. Between 33:10 and 46:00 I started to have tears in my eyes, and that suffocating feeling building in my chest, right around my heart and up into my throat and shoulders, thinking about the same questions. If failing is okay, if we don’t regret our failures, then why are we so fearful of it happening again? If we want to do things, what’s holding us back? Are we pretending we’re burnt out? Why? What do we need to forgive? And I think this Thing is the same as what Dr K realized was going on, and how he hit the nail on the head with his words at the conclusion despite not putting a name to the feeling out loud. Shame is painful, lingering, and using it as a motivator is cruel. We deserve better than using it on ourselves. Question why you’re not letting yourself feel accomplished because you “only” succeeded at 80% instead of 110%, then don’t let yourself go back to that 20% later. (I wrote like 2k about this then figured no one needs to read all that first in order to hear the end statement)
Some of us are at war on the inside! “I wonder if you’re like oppositional defiant within yourself” (31:08) is when I think you nailed it Dr K. The inner fight can come out as being burned out, or stuck, or depressive, or numb, not being able to choose anything, etc. Every time joy, hope, planning goals are growing, bam! A hit in the face! We can get mad about it, calling it defiance, resistance, or we can get curious about it. I think we are made of many parts, and some weird reaction can be a protective part that is trying to prevent something they think would be dangerous for us (failing, facing judgment, not giving a f*** about anything and loosing family and friends, getting too wild, or falling too low and wanting to end it all). There are therapies that work with those parts like IFS (Internal Family system). Jung would talk about integrating your own shadow. This can really help to feel more accepting towards our parts and thank them for the help they provide with good intention but manifest in shitty-harming-crippling ways. I hope this inner war will turn into an alliance for each one of us and for you Parma. Huge thanks for sharing your story with Dr K and us. Swiss hug
This talk was insane! I had never seen such a tough case on my life. I don't know how Dr. K managed to make sense of it all, but when he said "You deserve better" and got such a strong emotional response, I was like "Whaaaat!? How did he figure that out!?". I don't know if it's because I normally approach to other people's emotions analytically that this one stumped me, but wow... Every avenue Dr. K explored left me thinking "dang... I really don't know what this guy is thinking/feeling". Which made so much more impressive when he nailed that emotional catharsis moment. Mad respect to Dr K.
I was literally thinking that, 5min into this i was telling myself to actively think how I would tackle this issue if a friend came to me about this problem. I was quite stumped, by the end I still don’t get how he got that reaction. He really does somehow work his magic with people
The are you pretending to be burnt out and the follow up questions kind of shook me. I think while in many ways I am burnt out I’ve also used it as an excuse to explain why I can’t do things. I really relate so hard to that fight within myself!
I can really relate to this person. I consider myself highly motivated, and my peers tend to agree with me. However, whether it's a 2 week burst of motivation, or some kind of adhd (not diagnosed) hyperfocus that eventually just goes away, i'm basically drowning in the swamp I've made myself, because after a ton of initial success, i just stop trying, while the success never stopped. When it comes to work, it's especially bad, because I'm 100% confident I can do what i need to do, but getting into any kind of company traumatized me so much that i don't even bother trying again.
I wonder if there is a lack of acceptance to the down time. I think I am perfectly fine from severe mental issues and kept a hobby for over 2-3 months now, doing school works like office worker. Yet it just feels inevitable to have down time after few weeks (like 3-4 weeks), so I basically laying down accepting it and do whatever I can without that excitement(also procrastinate a lot) and the next thing I know is that I regained excitement from the rest I have in that period.
The thing about why he makes promises is incredibly relatable. Promises are how I felt I could make my mind/emotions “most solidly connected to reality”
Man that ending was so satisfying. Like on the cusp of feeling hopeless and kind still lost and still searching and in the end the world is unfair, and suddenly relief at something you didn't know you knew you needed to hear but couldn't find. Sometimes you just gotta be told it's okay. You didn't deserve what's happened. God it brought me to tears too.
I get extreme burnout every other week from how my family is. They're the older type of family that disregards feelings almost entirely unless you put 100% effort into everything. Which doesn't sound like a bad thing until something has me down and I've got basically nobody to talk/relate to. Even asked about therapy only to get laughed at by everyone who grew up with little to no social anxiety.
22:15 - Falling short YES! As someone with ADD (and Autism), who grew up hearing "gotta do better" from my parents, despite doing my best, I can absolutely agree that doing your best, and falling short of not only your goal, but everyone's expectations as well, can and does have a negative impact on one's self image. Even today; I can't work a regular job (disabled), I can't drive (due to disabilities), and I've still fallen short on so many things that are vital to living a normal life. It's very hard to wake up every day with the reminder that millions of people are doing things that I'll never be able to do - basic things that people take for granted. Things that society as a whole has basically ingrained the idea that when one cannot do those things, they're a burden. It's so easy to fall back on hearing "gotta do better" or any number of things that society says to people like me. But... I know it's not my fault. I know I'm trying my best, and I continue to try my best, and that's all anyone can ever ask of me, especially ME. I didn't choose to have the problems I have, and that's true regardless of what anyone else thinks. I was born with these limitations, and that's okay. After spending years blaming myself for not being able to do what everyone else can do, one day I decided I didn't have to feel bad about it anymore, because I know myself more than anyone can ever know me, and I know my limits. That doesn't mean I stop trying to better myself, I try to do so every day, but I no longer punish myself for what I cannot do. I instead reward myself for the things that I CAN do. Today, I'm a self-published writer, and while I'm still disabled, writing is something I CAN do, and it's something I love doing. I don't write with a paycheck in mind, I write to make the best story I can. The biggest change I made was redefining success. I stopped defining success as having monetary gains, and I started defining success by achieving the goals I've set out to do, that I can realistically do. You start measuring your success by your achievements, you find out you're not the failure you painted yourself out to be. It's truly life-changing; altering your outlook like that.
i really appreciate your perspective and love this comment a lot. as someone who also has adhd and autism, i can understand a bit of this. i am able bodied though, and always try my best to never take that for granted and i actually rlly enjoy menial tasks like chores because i like to feel grateful for the things i can do, and i notice a lot of people do take it for granted. it sounds like youve been through a lot and the things youve accomplished are so amazing! i really enjoy your take on redefining success as well, and its amazing to see how it can change someones life and most importantly, their mental health. shaming yourself is never a good thing, and still something i need to work on. this comment was really inspiring :) keep it up!
@@hihigh1196 Thank you very much. You're definitely not alone. In addition to Autism and ADD, I have anxiety disorder (both general and social), which I'm trying to manage with meds, learning disability, agoraphobia (I manage just barely with that one), and a few others lol. When I was very little, I could only hold five words at a time, if I learned a new one, I lost one. At the time, Autism was only barely known in the public eye, but my mom always suspected. She started teaching me sign language so I could better communicate my needs at the time. I never learned much of it, but that was enough to jumpstart the language center in my brain. I started learning language normally after that. When I was diagnosed at 17, the doctor said I'm on the border of classic autism, and the only thing keeping me there, instead of classic autism, was language. I was actually pretty lucky, if my mom didn't know sign language at the time, I probably would've been a nonverbal autistic myself. It surprises even me, looking back on that, that I became a published writer lol. In some ways I'm my own success story, but hopefully it helps others as well. The important thing to keep in mind is that everyone has a strength somewhere, even if they don't realize it. Heck, I didn't think I'd be a writer growing up, but here I am lol. Anyway, thanks for the reply, I wish you the best, and remember to be patient with yourself - that's another one I had to learn.
Wow... "You struggle to feel things unless you're pretending" SAME! I've been trying to summarize how emotions to feel for me for years and THIS is it. Also ADHD. Also suspect huge ODD/Demand Avoidance in me. Maybe Autism spectrum at play. Either way, this was a great video. Interesting, because I've asked myself if I'm pretending to be burnt out as well. I still don't know. Best I have is that I'm kinda 'stuck' in a comfortable but unfulfilling job (But not making enough $ to survive easily at ALL!) and it FEELS like burnout, but not from over-struggling... more from wishing I cared more but being unable to muster that much feeling up. I could take a huge gamble and change my life, but there's a good chance it'll end up worse than now. There's some chance it'll be better, but no guarantee.
This was very eye opening. Thanks a million. Sending money is the best way I can think to show gratitude but doesn’t feel like enough. Thank you for what you’ve done for me and for so many people. Thank you so much.
"It's either fear or complete disinterest" hit me surprisingly hard because it is so hard for me to separate the two in my head. Like, am I not pursuing this because I don't want to and I wouldn't find value in it or because I am engaging in avoidance?
Param DOES regret his actions: regrets missing all these deadlines after he decided to take them on. He went on a mission to succeed, and he got in his head that this success only comes after fulfilling many hefty promises. Thought process is: “Other folks are dumb, they’d tread their parents’ paths. I am smarter than that; I can do these projects on time.” Every time he can’t do it, he beats himself up. Every time he fails: his parents were right! Now he hates that feeling, doesn’t want to feel it again, but he wants to fulfill these promises, so he takes them on. It’s a real tug of war! Tying your sense of self-worth to doing giant, complex tasks faster than “others” is a very toxic mentality. It is best to take on less, smaller things, and take them one small step at a time. When one small step or another fails, and he have to re-tread and re-learn, he shouldn’t feel like an “idiot.” He should realise these things take a lot of time for everyone, including geniuses! I say this as a man with a LOT of pride in himself who also defied his parents, and went out on a mission.I go through GIANT bouts of procrastination, periodically.
Thanks for the video :D After over 1 year long screening i got diagnosed with CPTSD and MDD with auditory hallucinations, but after this video I think they may have missed ODD. Hope you can make more videos about ODD
Update after watching the vid: dropping the ball has always been unacceptable by many in my life growing up. Having this hammered into me made me reject the possibility of me ever dropping the ball, refusing to admit that it was ever my failure. Being okay with failing has been a process thats Ive certainly improved upon recently. Great vid! I'm pretty sure ive been burnt out since the middle of highschool, thats been over a decade now. Cant wait to work through this vid!
This is me!!!! I take any coping strategy, anything positive, any hope... anything that might possibly benefit me, make me feel better, etc. and I dismiss it, talk it away, make it more difficult than it is, make myself dislike it, gaslight myself. I've been diagnosed with depression, MDD, social anxiety, bipolar, ADHD, GAD, PTSD... but this whole time I know I've been ODD because I could never use anything to my advantage.
Sorry you got so many diagnoses and you might not have all of them. But yeah, I can relate with the MDD, depression, anxiety and ADHD stuff (possibly CPTSD, OCD and GAD also here D:)
Six years yeah, but at some point i got fed up with myself and the situation, a breakup of three years relationship seemed like the final crash i really needed. I went back to the job where i burned myself put to brute force it to my head that it wasnt the job that lead to me to burn, it was far deeper and now i've been working for over a year, quit my meds partially by an happy accident and through daily iterations of my thoughts by talking about them with sane normal people helped me pinpoint my issues that i had power over. After that it has been both hard work and selflove. I work in retail, however i've started to actively look for engineering jobs to get to the next step as i did get a degree in process engineering with analytical chemistry during the burnout. Not something i'd recommend to anyone tho, but if I can do this. Anyone can. You can do it bros and brodettes.
You just managed to hold an ADHD attention for an hour only getting distracted twice, Good stuff keep it up K Might add i like the calls where the person is able to help you help them understand themselves it shows the type of questions you should think to yourself to stay in a positive light and not dragged into the tunnel
Even though this fella and I are nothing alike, this video is still so relatable. My numbness has overtaken most of my emotions, minus my constant cynicism about most things in life. As a writer being numb is like being an athlete with a broken leg. Thanks for sharing. Lots to think about here.
Thanks for sharing. I don't think I cried hardly at all in the first 30 years of my adult life. I find it happens a lot over the last 3 or 4 years of trying to figure out what is wrong with me. It is weird to cry. I am trying to do shadow work, which I think is the answer a lot of us need. It is fucking hard though. Either I am going a little nuts, or sometimes the shadow thoughts can seem awfully close to other personalities. It is some scary shit. I am going to look into ODD, as it sounds like it describes me well (already diagnosed with add and dysthymia, but I gave up on psychiatrists, so I probably will be just trying to learn this stuff on my own). Honestly, I don't ever remember a time that I wanted to work or go to school. I have done both. I have made it through a BS degree at 40, and even held a single job for 6 1/2 years. After that though, I just really can't force myself to do anything that will bring in money. It is almost like I am allergic to attaining money. I have a business in my basement that I am pretty sure anyone but me could make a living at, but I can't . I have a computer engineering degree that I can't even use to find a job because I just can't even force myself to look at it. I haven't even looked at a line of code in years, let alone write any. I don't need to make a lot. I just can't find anything that seems worth the effort, and I don't know how to fix that yet. I am afraid I am running out of time. My wife is rightfully tired of paying the bills, and I can't even make it through the house chores that seem to always fall to the lower achieving spouse. More work than I can even contemplate doing gets added to my list before I get to much of anything, yet I am tired at the end of the day from effort, and I don't have any money to show for it, and I think that is the only thing that matters. If I could just force myself to work on that, and bring in the idly amount of money that I need to make right now, I think I would solve all of my problems, and then I could work on the "important" stuff without the ever present need to bring in money from it. thanks again for sharing! This has definitely inspired some further self exploration.
Wow, a breakthrough live on youtube. Wonderful! I spoke to a therapist about finding my emotions and felt something very similar. I have to say, I've never been the same since.... in a very good way.
I love listening to Dr. K work miracles. I've struggled with mental illness most of my life, to the point that I built a creative career around it, making content for relaxation and also being a hospice doula, and I used to host meditations for a Vajrayana monk online. Dr. K has not only helped me, but made exploring mental health one of my armchair interests, which really helps me help others, and makes me realize had I not struggled with mental illness, I would never have realized how interesting the mind really is.
@@shoepixie I became certified in April 2020 through the now DoulaCare School of Accompanying the Dying. It was all online and my studies have been really useful from the practical to the more spiritual. I feel like I’m just filling in the blanks of the experience and creating an environment for death to move through.
Yet another example of someone's life you changed. You have touched many lives and have risen many out of dark pits including mine own. No other influencer truly has your level of scientific, empathetic, politically neutral, multicultural and multigenerational insight. You are the greatest Dr. K and I wish you the most happiness and fulfillment in whatever you choose in life.
Hi. Been burned out from 2010 to 2018 in terms of not being able to go back to medschool, but i feel that i'm still burned out to this day, 2018 was just a year when i had to go back to medschool no matter what, and i managed to pass my exams, but now i'm in my last year and i can't seem to make that final step, that final effort to graduate, i have clinical exams where you have to pass oral exams instead of the written one in university, as someone who's alsways burned out and having extreme anxiety when dealing in stressful situations like presentations or oral exams, it's just so stressing and overwhelming to `pass these last exams + preparing and presenting a thesis. Main reasons i think are responsible of my burnout are: 1-since i was birn until i had to go to primary school, i've never went to play with other kids or interact with other people, i was always at home 7/7 24/24 all year round. 2-starting primary school i had a language barrier, everyone talked Moroccan arabic meanwhile i only talked in Berber language, cuz my parents never cared to teach the OFFICIAL language of my own country, and they just talked to me with the native berber language we have in Morocco despite living in a big city. 3-i was badly and heavily bullied for my entire 6 years of primary school, staying in the same class with the same horrible kids for 6 years, and my family did nothing to take me out of that situation, didn't care to change schools, didn't inerrvene in any way, sometimes i would say that i'm being beaten ( i'd alway defend myself though even if id loose going against 5 6 other kids) 4-Seeing that i was stuck there, i kept asking to enroll in some martial arts so i can defend myself, my father basically said that it was stupid and a waste of time and money, and i should just chill at home. 5-my father would never take us out for a restaurant or to travel, the only exeptions were during summer we'd go visist the grandparents, but that's it, no beach, no money to spend or buy new things, would receive 10 dollars, and my sisters probably 30 dollars for vacation expenses while visiting my grandparents, which was basically just sitting in another home all day long or play with the cousisn in front of the house. 6-my life was basically home school, school home, and the school was just 300m away from home, which meants staying on the same perimetre the entire year going back and forth between school and the house, and doing nothing more, i was so bored that when cartoons were over i'd go to the garden to plant potatos or any other weird stuff to fight the extreme boredom i was living in. 7-i wss NEVER rewarded for my good grades or my good conduct (talking like if i'm a prisoner), i remember asking for a Play Station back in 2000, all i've got was an ATARI from the 70s or the 80s with no games, and after some years i got those fake bootleg nintendo consoles for 10 dollars while everyone else were playing on the lastest games. 8-during the year before finishing high school i was so wornout that i've lost so much weight you can see my cheekbones, and the amount of stress was so high because i couldn't manage to have good grades despite working really hard on the math and physic exams ( i was in a highschool focused manly in mathematicss and physics) 9-in my last highschool year kept just destroying myself working all day long on math problems, and managed to get exellent grades, but i was still in that situation of literally not having a life inside the family or outside ( no travelling no rewards nothing) 10- Faled to get in medschool by 0,15 pts, so i decided to retake the highschool national next year so i can reach the pts needed to be preselected to pass the entrance exam for medschool,
11- finally got into medschool, had to leave my city and live alone, my father who has resources its not like we are struging, didn't get me a good place to live, so i had to live in a dormitory with rooms smaller than a balcony, toilets and showers were oustide and shared with everyone, no hot water, no hygiene, etc, after all my efforts i receive nothing from my father not even a good place where to focus on my studying, the year ended with me failing that 1st year. 12-obviously after having your first 6 years into society in primary school being about you getting humiliated and beaten, i had lost the cheerful and ongoing side i had when i was 5 years old, those had destroyed me, destroyed my confidence, destroyed my ability to develop social skills, thus me turning into a person who has no solid pillars to rely on. 13-No mental pillars, zero social skills due to years of isolation at home that was not my fault cause my father would forbid me going outside alone even if i was 16 years old, all of this and other stuff made that my medschool experience was horrendous, i was always alone, i tried to be with guys that came from my city, but i never could fit in or be accepted, nobody would call you o do thing, or invite you to go out. 14- had to repeat my 1st year which i managed to do while being completely alone with no one to talk to, in my 2nd year got things worse, i had to succeed or else i would be kicked out from medschool, so all my focus was on studying, and it was the kind of studying that was very inefective, i wssn0t studying the smart way cuz i was never taught how to study, and because i wasn0t accepted in any group, i couldnt learn from my peers how they went about studying and preparing for exams. 15- that 2nd year i was always wearing the same black hoodie and jeans ( i did wash them every week), managed to pass, but in that summer during my vacations which were summed up in laying in bed and being on the internet, i felt completly dry from the inside, so in my 3rd year could't kept going, 1 month after the start of the year i couldnt keep going to the hospital, one day woke and decided no to go anymore and i was so relieved at the moment, but then i didn't go back for 7 - 8 years, kept lying to my father, pretending that i was still going, my mother knew few months after, but those years were a nightmare. 16-at some point in 2016 (stopped in 2011) told my father that i couldnt go back, he got really scared and frustrated that i might ruin everything and end up without a stable job, hm knwoing that wasnt going pput pressure on me once again, so i kep forcing myself to go back and in 2018, went back forced myself to integrate myself into the classes and clininal practice at the hospital, and then during the my first exams in mid terms, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, felt like everything was crumbling, i was finally studying after all those years, forcing myself to do it, and then this happens, kept once again forcing my mind to focus on passing rather than think about my sister, saying to myself that if i fail, it will only add another negative mood to the house, so passed that year aswell as my 4th 5th years uni written exams, but in 6th year we didnt have written exams, so i never studied since then and kept running away from doing actual work in the hospital, 17- at 32 yo i see everyone having so much energy still, meanwhile i feel like a dried branch, i'm now in my last year of medschool ( general medecine, i f i want to be a specialist id have to add 4-5 years) could't study since finishing my exams in 5th year, in my first oral exams of this year i didn't prepare so i failed, during my second chance 4 moths later, my sister had a relapse and she has metastasis in the brain and other parts so that completly destroyed me, so i didn't pass that 2nd test cuz her operation was the day of the exams, so i had to be with here and take care of everything, cuz my parents are old now. 18- today the 3rd chance to pass those exams are ongoing and since that operation and everything surround it, i havent been able to do anything, kept just sleeping and working out at the gym cuz the gym is my only way to unwind a little bit, as being a medchool student at 32 i have no money, no car, i can't do much the same way i was when i was a kid, i see other parents buying their kids cars when they get into medschool weither used or not, meanwhile wasnt given not even the money to pass the driving test, so to this day no driving test, no car, no friends, no money to travel to unwind, i'm still in that same spot while every person i know whos parents have less money than we do, arre always traveling, doing activities and having fun with friends. 19- i was thinking to go to germany and finish my studies there, but i have to graduate first and learn german, so i can pass an exam that will let you get a permit to apply for a job there and start you speciality learning in there, but where is the energy, the drive, the motivaion, i know that motivation alone doesnt help much, but in order to have that consistency in studying and working you got to have some level of energy to kick up the engine, as for now it feels dry and i have no means to fill the tank, as ive tried all the FREE and accessible ways to unwind but its doing nothing, training, going out for a walk, sitting in a coffee shop just to force myself out of home and seeing new faces, but as for now i've been doing it for at leats 2 years and i'm going back wards. 20- this is just key points and key elements, there is so much more stuff, i think otivation and discipline can be trained, ive lways been discplined and consistent since i was a kid, but when parents have zero rewards for you and i mean by rewards just the simple things, going out for a walk, oing out for dinner, sitting in park in the weekened, maybe buying you something you like after years of hard work, or at least gicing you a car and a proper home when you reach 18 yo so you can feel that the efforts were worth it and you're evolving as an adult. 21- when there is no reward system, it feels like you're a slave, forced to work to make your parents not worry about you, and after years of hard labour, you just want to run away from everything you're doing even it means destroying your bright future.
@@densetsushounen2611 Fellow moroccan here and I relate to the never getting rewarded no matter how good you do. In our culture we are often raised with high expectations and learn that if you do anything wrong you get punished. So you grow up afraid of failing and disappointing the people around you but also with the feeling that no matter how hard you try and how good you do it is never enough and that just one mistake will make everything crumble. Currently struggling to graduate too, completely burned out for 3 years and pushing myself to not disappoint my parents while all I want to go to a remote place in the mountain away from everything.
Seems like you guys miss feeling support in your upbringing giving way to it’s never good enough and anxiety/burn-out. I would say the best solution is to get into an environment that supports you, saying to you that you can do it and it will be all good. Im also trying to get to the same so not sure how to proceed.
I had procrastinated this one house chore for a few weeks, I put this video on and started the job. Eventually it was done in just 45 minutes, took less time than laying in bed an listening to this clip! Feels good to get stuff done, piece by piece.
wow, the stuff about not allowing yourself to regret some things when you have ODD, i didn't realize it but now i really feel how it was the thing pushing me down. i didn't allow myself an option to fail because a lot is at stake right now for me, my whole life basically, and i can't afford loosing, even right now i say it this way which is still toxic to mental health yet i feel better after your words about it, really
Ive been burned out for like 10 years lol. It all happened when the love of my life and I broke up. I forced myself to go to finish college and I was just like a burned out zombie. I was also poor so that made it worse. Then I finally got a slave job which burned me out further. I pretty much gave up on life and accepted that i'll always be in this burned out hole. Im pretty much like the philosopher Diogenes from ancient greece at this point. I still have some investments left that helps me pay for food and stuff and maybe my investments will make me rich at one point but im just burned out until the chaos of life takes me out of my hole. I'll never be whole.
That sounds a lot like me. I'm so sorry my friend. I know the depths of that hole seem bottomless and the weight feels unrelenting. But do me a favor? Don't tell yourself you'll never be whole. You ARE whole. As it is, right now. Career, money, material things, even a love life... Those are all things we desire and we tell ourselves that they give our life purpose... But they don't. They are all external, and all fleeting. The constant is you. You're in an unfavorable situation right now, but that doesn't mean you are incomplete or anything less than just as awesome as you were 10 years ago. Take a beautiful diamond, kick it around, rub it in the dirt, and leave it in a gutter for a decade. Then wash it off and tell me what you see.
@@tannerwood902 I hear you. I just feel broken. Like humpty dumpty and can never be put back together again. It also doesnt seem like society cares for me. I went to go to the doctors for a basic checkup and realized i cant afford going to the doctors. It cost me an arm and a leg. I decided that if I get some kind of ailment or disease that needs doctors, that i'll take the death like a man instead of paying those thieves. Now I await patiently for the grim reaper to take me but im pretty healthy physically so its going to be a while. Maybe i should do cigarettes to speed up the process. To be fair, I dont think I was ever whole. My upbringing was also hard. Gang violence, family violence. It was a normal part of my upbringing. I sure as hell dont feel like a diamond. I feel more like a cracked glass. Thank you for trying to help me though. I'll try not to say i'll never be whole
@@freedomdividendnews5042 > I sure as hell dont feel like a diamond. How are diamonds formed? Under great pressure. Your hard upbringing was the crucible in which you were formed. Your hard life was the anvil on which you were forged. Adversity is the basis of strength, not weakness. Weakness is a cozy life without scars. Society isn't kind to those struggling with unrelenting depression and poverty. I often feel like I'm drowning, flailing for air while sinking like a rock. But other times I think, "You know what? Fuck it. Who needs air? I'll be an underwater rock. I'll chill down here, doing underwater rock shit." And you know what I find? A bunch of other underwater rocks, doing cool underwater rock shit. ... Hope I didn't lose you with metaphors, but all that to say... Screw expectations and false ideals. Life's hard enough as it is, we can't let ourselves self-gaslight into thinking we're the problem, that there's something wrong with us for having shit harder than others. Take someone successful and hold them underwater for 10 years and see how they do. I know what it's like to feel broken. God I know. But you're not broken. You're mistreated, dealt a rough hand, and yet you're surviving. And I'm proud of you for that. Be proud of yourself for that. You earned it.
Originally, I thought the idea of getting any useful output, from these sort of videos, was slim to none. I thought I'd be bored, uninterested in someone else's struggles, and there was no way this sort of "therapy" could help me, not being the subject of the conversation. However, I can't tell you how much these videos have helped me be open and honest about my own struggles. It helps identify shortcomings in myself, and I feel like we're all Param and other contributors when watching. Thank you, Param and others, for opening up to Dr. K and complete strangers on the internet. You give us all strength and confidence, and we're right there with you! Keep strong, Param!
I totally felt Param on his reason for wanting to be financially independent. That's exactly why I scrambled to get a job I don't really like just so I can leave my parents' house and get my own apartment.
7:00 here comes the head wagg. Great video. An emotional one but those are often the best. I connect with and relate with a lot of this guys experiences
I don't relate much to the client here but this is extremely interesting! It definitely helps me gain perspective on my own life despite it being different. This is a great channel
I think there’s a trick here toward the end… where he wants the questions from Dr. K. He is selectively choosing what to be willing to hear or question, and what seems way more important is to be able to open his mind to what is actually challenging. I think Dr. K could sense this and that’s why he left him to discover it on his own… I believe K is right: even if he provided his answer or explanation, he would resist but its as if he’s not resisting Dr K, he is resisting his mind from processing what he has to say, ultimately still being his worst enemy. Even the excessive amount of diagnostic labels here (albeit ODD or ADHD etc maybe clinical legitimate) seem to give me additional cop outs from taking personal accountability. Its ok to admit to making a mistake, accepting that vs constant mental gymnastics to reject or distort it will keep him stuck.
I mean, ADHD PREVENTS most of us from taking accountability and doing smth without feeling like a failure or like were dying when we go against our brains. Labels are for help and genuine issues one struggles with, not a card out of jail or to do whatever one pleases in life. I for my part am genuinely struggling and trying to finally get help and meds again. ADHD etc. is not just a label or so one can call themselves lazy, pelase don't confuse all that :( And yes, ADHD etc. is a legit thing that makes us wnat to do it all, but we CAN'T. Which can also make one suicidal. And sorry, it just sucks when people say it all like this and make us feel worse. I didn't choose to not do much for 10+ years :'(
@@Chizuru94 hey no worries I did not mean to be absolute in criticism just pointing out some context. I am a therapist, I am familiar there is a spectrum of these things and that labels have therapeutic value. There is a difference though that is showing up in the case of the video though, where there seems to be a co existing problem with ADHD PLUS some personality things that many with ADHD do not have. ADHD does not prevent taking accountability, it makes it harder to do things or focus or regulate impulse etc. plenty of people with ADHD can recognize this, take accountability, and do something to make efforts to improve this (seeking meditation, therapy/coaching, using tools and technology to organize, limit overly dopaminergic activities, meditation). The refusal to take accountability has a deeper narrative, and the unwillingness to let it go (sometimes acknowledging mistakes, failures, e.g). The resistance and rigidity seems related to sense of self, ego, personality, etc.
"you didn't deserve what happened" Fffffff there we go ope. You (general you, also me, not just Param) never see your own success, and then you get blamed for your failures. You rebel against the people who are blaming you for being unhappy about it. You stop trusting what they tell you. You stop trusting when anyone tells you there's another opportunity to have something for yourself. You want it to make sense. You want your efforts to mean you'll achieve something. But will they? Will it be your fault again if nothing comes of it? Will they be right? You keep searching for an answer, but no one can read the future. Whatever you've achieved has lead to nothing, so it means nothing. It was supposed to lead somewhere. Effort and success were supposed to mean something. Why should it be different now? Why take the first step towards nothing?
I've resonated with this so much... starting with adhd, giftedness, early success and also inevitable early failure, acquiring some emotional literacy only in adulthood, the suffocating feeling (in my case paired with heart pounding), taking mental health break, and of course a mighty "burn out"... One difference is that I'm not diagnosed with ODD, my parents' advice is just unattuned/self-centered to put it mildly and so I refuse to follow it ;) I appreciate the advice of those who I feel truly care. Listening to Param put such a similiar experience in his words with immense openness and vulnerability have been illuminating for me to say the least and the reaction to dr K saying that he deserves better makes perfect sense to me, even if in my understanding it connects to the puzzle pieces presented only in the glimpses... I'll keep my thoughts to myself in order to avoid projections but I'd like to wish you Param all the best going forward. You did deserve better and you still do.
I'm glad this ended well and that he felt helped. Early on it seemed to me like he could possibly be autistic and I was surprised Dr K never talked about how hard that must of been to have the responsibility of providing for his parents as a teenager. It was acknowledged as a great accomplishment but not as the struggle it must have been. I know I have a hard time moving forward and doing things because it's hard to take up responsibilities that have been super overwhelming in the past, and I didn't have that pressure of needing to provide for a family before I was an adult.
It's amazing how long people can have burnout and never realize it... I had it for years before I came across the term on the internet and finally found a way to express what I felt. Can't believe that society continues to just let this go on blindly.
Absolutely fascinating talk. I struggle with mental health myself and have similar experiences about success and failing. But my feels are so different from that guy.
Also want to comment on Dr k's comment about trying harder. The way I describe it is like trying to compress sand. The harder you push on it the harder the sand becomes. I try but my pushback from my brain is even worse
It would be fascinating to see Dr K interview Dr Iain McGilchrist, author of "The Divided Brain" and " The Matter With Things". He'd be a very different sort of guest, but being a polymath, a very illuminating one.
I'm glad, Param, that you were able to see the things you can do to improve your mindset. I wish I had had any therapy experiences that approach Dr K's level of understanding and ability to relate to a client. I've never gotten past the backstory phase, which takes months of sessions to start reaching an understanding between me and the therapist before the sessions end, for reasons like moving, the pandemic, and at this point trying to get an appointment with someone who doesn't immediately invalidate what I'm trying to communicate in the first session. I think I understand where you're coming from, with being separated from your emotions to the point where you don't know what a feeling means when it emerges. It really can get to the point where it seems anger and numbness are literally the only mental state. I hope you find answers that will work for you, and that you can enjoy peace within yourself. Take care.
why do I find myself again being called out lol, in all seriousness I think I have been burned out in combination with self sabatoge so this is helpful for the burnout portion.
Bruh, I ain't even burnt in. A car nearly ran me over a few weeks ago, and all I could say and think was, " stepping on the accelerator would have been better for at least one of us." 6 months at home out of work didn't help with burnout. In my current position, I can't do anything without thinking about how I am taking time away from improving on a career I actively dislike, not that I can stomach opening the various courses I have to learn. None of it interests me, none of it I would remember, so why bother? Why should I have to do more bullshit after work so I can do more bullshit at work? I live in fear of my bosses' sociopathy, of being fired and shut out from another line of work. I hate being made to come to office, when all of our work can and should be done virtually. Even taking the shuttle, I can't make myself study or do extra work. I languish in the stale comfort of super auto pets, too tired to even daydream. Getting a controller to play something else is neither a wise nor justified decision. Very few things are interesting to me anymore; getting stoned every two weeks helps me laugh, but nothing fills the void between my heart and my mind. I had to drop one of the classes I was taking to learn to write my novel because work and commute have consumed nearly everything. My real passion is fiction writing, and I no longer have the spoons, mental health, time, or ability to do even the bare minimum of reading. This depression, for better or for worse, took away my desire to play video games. I spend most of my leisure time shitposting on a card game platform, and lately, I can barely make myself login just to engage in amusing, albeit circular talk. The usual shitposters are basically all I have. Lately, I have been waking up early just to lie in the warmth of my bed, keeping the thoughts away. It's a calming "exercise", albeit one with an undercurrent of dread. I can feel myself getting more anxious and frustrated as time passes by, knowing that this last bit of serenity cannot and will not last. All I want is peace and quiet, and the steps to get that are horrific, cacophonous and hellish. Some may choose to tell me to have gratitude, to exercise, to have community and to eat right. I am still struggling with IBS, so exercise is rough at best. Community in the time of Covid? I would like to stay negative, please and thank you. Eat right? It costs a million dollars a day just to breathe where I live. Gratitude? No, I am beyond pissed off. If not for my family needing the income and my fear of hell, I would be as Yorick of infinite jest.
@@cantorofleng7837 I understand how that feels. "It feels as though I'm never in a place where I belong" "All of my friends, people who share common interests...are hundreds if not thousands of miles away". I know that all too well dude
I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have a relationship with God? I had this dread before going to work so much that I would have preferred getting into a car accident on the way than to go. One night, I was so done with all of it. I couldnt anymore that I started to talk to God alone in my room. I understood the weight of my sins and repented to God, I believed that Jesus Christ died at the cross to wash away my sins. Now, I have this peace thanks to God. I can't explain it well, but its like still water in my heart. I know Im taken care of and that when I fall He will pick me up. Its hard to take the steps to get better alone (eat right, exercise, gratitude etc.) But you dont have to. Try talking to Him and if its hard or you dont know how, just tell him that "God help me pray, I dont know how to. Deliver me from this suffering. Help me understand. I want to know you." Just tell him your struggles. It changed my life and I dont fear hell anymore. When you are saved, you are saved for good. This life is supposed to be suffering. But there is hope. God bless you.
@@Romina2711 I do. I believe we are born owing Him a duty to alleviate His suffering and ennui, and we are doubly, infinitely indebted by His mercy of sending Christ to us. I do hope to study theology one day.
Shoot... So many friggin' things apply to me, I'm definitely a sneaky Frigger. With a major F. I've grown and my shadow has too, it has learned how to hinder and protect me. Fuuuuudge... I just... I HAVE to take this advice, I have to let me regret all that progress I lost by dropping out of university... Regret for all of those 5 times... It sucked and I... I gotta disarm myself, I gotta let go and embrace the guilt, my worries, my lost time... I too have felt numb for years and hecc... This hit like a truck. I'm going to go to sleep and meditate on it. Thanks Dr. K. You absolute legend who helps gifted ADHD kids like us. From the bottom of my heart... Thank you Dr.K.
people are talking about "you deserve better" and that was a banger but when the good Doctor mentioned numbness, that was something I needed to hear. my "less important" needs and a lot of my life is on hold while I build my finances back up after the global clusterfuck. I can't move forward and feeling angst and ennui and anger and sadness all the time gets exhausting, so I turned the dial on my emotions way down I guess. no more.
ODD is just you being stuck in your 13 year old (rebelling) self trying to develop your own sense of identity (but being structurally denied by those who claim to have power over you). Some people never grow out of this phase. I surmise it starts with finding new influences and stop yielding to the need for someone else's approval. The other thing, consider future endeavors as "side missions" so-as to alleviate the unnecessary pressure to succeed. Get your head in something you enjoy and you'll find some futile ground for some next steps.
Thats exactly how i feel, only started realising it lately and i am 27 years old. I feel immense hate towards that part of me and wish it died, i feel like i am being pinned down by an ignorant, naive and immature teenager and i cant do shit about it
I totally get this. Imagine being 14 - you're paying your parents' bills - a total role inversion - and then they tell *you* what *you* need to do. And maybe that *you're* a failure and *you're* a disappointment. And that *you* should go to school and make something of yourself. I don't even think clinical ODD is necessary to elicit a big F.U. in that situation - at least internally. Everything they put on you is how you feel about them. It's totally understandable to do the opposite of everything they say. Because who actually knows how things work? The person who can't pay the bills or the one who can? Even when you know they might occasionally be right. And then you're stuck. Can you get to a headspace where you can blot out all of their opinions and make a decision based entirely on your intuition and knowledge? Like going back to school? Don't let their opinions control your decisions. And maybe once that's all sorted you can see if maybe your Dad has ADHD and needs your help.
Something I definitely had to learn on my own was you can't just logic your way out of everything. It's similar to when someone sets a boundary, you can ask "what about during x, or if y" not "but why have the boundary". Just let yourself be and stop prodding yourself. Had to learn this one over quarantine after experiencing so many different things at once all white at 15. If something feels like it works, then that's enough sometimes. Experiment but don't push yourself, otherwise suddenly that's another "problem" and you gotta logic that out too
I loved this!!!! In a very similar spot but gave me a lot of things to look through. I am quite similar to Param. Infact very similar. Thankyou Dr K for this free life consult! You are a true philanthropist. ❤❤❤❤
Bro was supporting his family at a very early age, and he burned himself out trying to help them. He gave everything he earned to his folks (which is awesome), but that's a TON of responsibility to have as a kid. Ultimately, maybe the message he internalized was, "I can work myself to the bone and take on additional pressures, but I'll have nothing to show for it." He's probably terrified that if he tries again, and he'll burn himself out... again "for nothing". I get it, though. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's really hard to get back in the saddle.
I got a little lost in the weeds when the conversation lead to feeling okay with failure. There is a right and wrong way to feel okay with failing? The key factor mentioned as forgiveness and guilt. Ownership over the failure and actually appreciating it rather than pretending it's okay because you know it's not helpful for you to move forward. Not sure how to differentiate between the two. How does one know when they are one over the other?
This is so well said! I just watch a video about shadow work. They mentioned the more you find out about your subconscious and shadow the bigger it gets.
Delusion - I can't do anything because I've been betrayed. I feel sad because I was exploited. Now I lack the energy to make an effort. Reality - That's why I have to do something. I have to stand up for myself and push harder because I was betrayed and help people of the future. Does it feel like I shouldn't have to? Yes. I deserve better.
Thank you both for sharing this conversation! I cannot express how important it is to have these conversations and share them with a world that needs to embrace emotional and mental health. ❤️
I'm 41 years old. Married, two kids. Bachelors in CS. I started my career successfully in IT consulting before pivoting into Product Management and Marketing. Over the past 15 years, I've helped build a number of successful startups as an early-employee and as a founder, which has allowed me to choose my own path for work, home, and play. On paper, I should be extremely fulfilled, but these past 2-3 year broke me. Now granted, I wasn't doing great before the pandemic, but the social isolation eliminated my (healthy) coping of running into friends for support. Over the past 5-7 years I spent a lot of time in therapy (individual, couples, and family), and coaching. As things reached a breaking point for me in 2022, I decided to finally take an indefinite amount of time off work. It has been brutal. I knew that I was using work as a distraction at times, but I've replaced that distraction with less lucrative ones while trying to work on myself. I was diagnosed with clinical depression over 20 years ago during college. It's been better and worse at times, but it's certainly part of my life. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my mid-thirties, but it has definitely been with me since as early as I can remember. I'm commenting on this video because I deeply identify with many of the topics shared. I knew it might be relatable when I read the title, but this one is hitting me way more than I expected. I didn't learn about ODD until I became a parent. I've always had a defiant side, but I hadn't considered its application to me as _an adult_. But, hearing "you are at war with yourself --- you are defiant towards yourself more than anyone else" hit me like.... yeah. I also do a lot of downplaying successes, which I thought was primarily out of fear of not being able to live up to them consistently. But the part I hadn't considered until hearing this conversation was that I might be prolonging my pain and inability to be at peace with past actions by not admitting when I f'd up. "You can't apologize for something you didn't do" [yup.. ouch. i feel that.] Anyway, I just wanted to share my support and empathy for the caller, and my thanks for Dr.K & community for bringing light and insight. Happy to chat with anyone else who might be going through this. The path is easier to walk when we're not alone.
I'm not a gamer, and I don't really suffer from a lot of the mental health problems you discuss on your channel, but I am fascinated, and love watching! Thank you so much for what you do Dr. K, I think your ministry is truly beautiful. God Bless You!
Hi Dr. K i have a daughter diagnosed before with Aspergers syndrome. She was kind of a gifted and finished elementary and high school including gtade 12 with honor. 2 years on line schooling due to covid. She enrolled in one of the best university in our country however unexpectedly her first trimester turn out to be pure online. We rented a condo for her because we are 2 hrs away by plane from that university. And then she went jome and continued her online schooling at home. However before finishing the term she wanted to stop schooling. By the way we are from the Philippines. Thats my problem how to convince her to enroll this second semester. This January is their enrollment period.
First 15 minutes I was just thinking, this guy is literally (not literally) me. It makes me feel so miche less alone to know that other people have gone through the exact same struggles I have
I feel this interview. Wants to work, but doesn't actually want to work just wants the money. Doesn't really want the money, just wants independence. Loses interest when something can make money. Boy if this isn't alienation under capitalism then I don't know what it is. I'd be hesitant to pathologize all of this behavior. Under capitalism, we don't really own our labor. We don't own what we produce. The moment our production becomes a commodity, we lose it and thus lose interest in it. Yet we are forced into this alienation for survival and internalize that desire for freedom and survival as a desire to work. This is an extremely authoritarian system of what amounts to forced labor, and it's going to be especially tough for someone with ODD. This is a really important component of this feeling that I've been learning more about over time.
This felt like he wanted an answer, but his brain is 'protecting' him so hard, that it gave a whole load of info and went down a path for most of the session that wasnt relevant to uncovering how he felt. Only at the end did he outwit his brain quick enough to allow Dr k in behind the walls. And you could see Dr K suddenly home in on what he needed to say. He wasnt supported as a child and became the supporter of his family very young, put tons of pressure on himself, probably didnt get help to build the business, didnt get support to continue with his studies, felt it going wrong, piled more pressure on himself, then crashed. There is a whole support network that should have been around him, that let him down. But he blamed himself and to protect him, his mind built up the walls. If you dont do anything/feel anything, you cant be blamed/get hurt. But he is shouldering the blame of so many other people as well.
Tbh I think this title is kind of misleading. I've been feeling serious burnout lately and I've been in this one job for about 3 years. I've been talking about leaving and never doing it because I'm convinced most similar jobs in my field would be even worse. What this guy's describing sounds nothing like what the burnout I've been experiencing is like.
Would like to continue to watch it but I have a hard time understanding what the guest is saying. The signal seems to be quite muddy and I can't listen to it for 1h.
