Please like, comment, and share this video so we can help as many people AS POSSIBLE! More resources ► 📚 READ THE BOOK » The Deepest Well: amzn.to/3M0mCP4 🎧» Get a FREE 30-day trial of Audible with this special link: www.audibletrial.com/6eWyPQ
I bought the book. As old as I am I still recognized some of my childhood experiences here - being cold, hiding alone & secretive, definitely emotionally unsafe. I'm looking forward to maybe finding out how I can let all of this go.
I am a licensed MH provider specializing in trauma. This video was ON POINT! Thank you for doing the reading and sharing a concise version of the information so that everyone can digest it. Also, you did an amazing job discussing your history without oversharing, which people don't always realize could be triggering/retraumatizing for anyone watching. Your bravery is very inspiring!
This is a good point. I feel like I study on RU-vid to figure out what is a triggering to people vs “just a funny story from my childhood” I think I’m telling jokes but I’m often trauma dumping without knowing.
It's triggering for myself overtalking about my trauma. Makes me very sad, very anxious and compulse. I have to control the impulse of not thinking about anything else and self pitting and avoid telling my history to people that only want me to feel worst. Watching her talk I think she feels the same...
Hey Makai - I think the OP meant retraumatizing for those who have NOT yet healed, processed and desensitized from their childhood trauma. Not for those who may have successfully desensitized.
The bear analogy was a light bulb moment for me. Took the ACEs quiz and was a yes to every single question. My score 10. I started started crying as I answered the questions and couldn’t stop. I’m 45 and thought my childhood was behind me, past stays in the past but clearly not. I have always had chronic anxiety issues. Issues with getting to sleep, staying asleep, stomach issues etc. Now I know it’s cuz I’m still living with a bear. Thank you for this video🙏had no idea how much my past was affecting me in the present.
My score is 9. This was super triggering to watch on Mother’s Day, tbh. Even though she is alive, there is zero accountability on her part or closure. It’s up to me to find healing and closure on my own. I really appreciate the book rec, though, so I’ll be reading this one and the ones you recommended in your last video. Happy Mother’s Day to you! You are clearly an amazing mom.
I scored similarly high and I feel you, having no apology or even acknowledgement of what they did to you is so cruel. While my mother can admit some of the abuse (although claiming she’s not responsible for her actions) my father denies that anything difficult ever happened to me and insults me in every interaction… I don’t even care about an apology, I just wish they would acknowledge what happened to me. But I know I’ll never get that either.
So sorry. My mom saw look on my face and she said she was sorry. I was despondent and she turned in bed nursing home bed. Not sure if she knows exactly why she's sorry. It's all icky. over eater and gastro issues.... I was so tired the day after Mother's day. Neither I or my sister visited. She has suffered due to her being her ownworse enemy Karma. My poor dad. Sorrow and guilt. Parental alienation. Lord have mercy on all. Incomprehensible. We could have been such a good family and it all went to heck. We all wandered around lost. No love.
I also scored high and I was surprised. I know I have a multitude of issues from childhood trauma but I didn’t realize the full affect these things have had in me. My self esteem is horrible, depression and anxiety are constant friends. I had violent parents who betrayed me by supporting my ex-husband in trying to gain custody of my son. They finally found a way to hurt me bad and they ran with it. One of them just died and I’m relieved-he can’t inflict anymore pain. Thankful that I broke the chain and raised my son with love❤.
I'm a follower of yours because I am personally decluttering. I happen to have a doctorate of professional counseling with a specialty in addictive and compulsive behavior. I am very aware of the ACES and addiction and health connection. Your content on this was spot-on, important, and well presented. Thank you for the "super, deep, sciency stuff". It's very important. Another important content piece would be "little t" and "big T" trauma.
I dont often comment on RU-vid. But this video has broken my for 3 month lasting "no spend-challange" and I am glad about it. I immeditly did the test after watching this video. My ACES is 4 and I am 37 old. I was crying at the moment, when you mentioned, that you can feel the slightest nuance on how people feel. I have called it too "a trained skill to survive" in the childhood. I take this to a good use in helping other people and being a good human being, but I totally forgot myself. I think I already break the cycle for my family, but starting to take care for myself, is a really hard step. I am really looking forward to read this book. A big thank you for the tip! I hope, I found the right words, because I am from germany and not a native speaker. By the way: even if I dont share the minimalist lifestyle (I love my little hobbit hole) , your channel is a big inspiration and I try to adapt a few things. Keep on doing your YT Channel, so much thank you for your great work and sharing your point of view on having a healthy and great life. And using your range to reach people for helping them: thank you so much!
I also have an emotionally abusive father. He’s 83 now and finally going to assisted living, after fighting it for a year. He ended up in the hospital and listened to the staff. He can’t live alone anymore. The dr took his license away as well. I’m going to start therapy to deal with my childhood. Thank you so much for this video Marissa. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. The timing of this video is uncanny. Thank you so much. I also shared it with my brother.
I applaud you for making this video and I hope this can reach all the adults who need to hear this. I score 4 in ACE and I have severe dysautonomia (a dysfunction of the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system) from many, many years of emotional abuse by both of my parents. I am very proud to say I’m the cycle breaker and I continue to heal myself by loving my three children unconditionally.
I personally have 9 aces, and I have actively worked thru breaking the cycle of trauma as I have moved into adulthood and became a mother. I have had some difficulty working thru all of my past since many of my family members have died suddenly, so there are a lot of questions left unanswered. Creating a peaceful home that is without clutter and overstimulation as well as practicing slowliving with a focus on homesteading and simplicity has really helped me to heal. Your channel is so helpful, and your explanations are very clear and relatable. Keep up the good work 💗
On this topic, I’ve read a book called ”Adult children of emotionally unavaliable parents” which I can recommend. When there’s a quiz I always get really high scores both on the one in the book I just mentioned an on this ACEs test I just took. I’m also in the 16% thank you for sharing, Marissa!
I learned about Aces in my work as a teacher. I personally have more than 6 Aces and have spent much time and energy working on getting past them. It is still a struggle. Sending you love this Mother’s Day.❤
I have heard about ACES. I have had a lot of trauma in my life- from childhood into adulthood. I have lost many friends and family starting at 10 yr old when my mom died... my dad died when I was 12. I was born with a disability and spent much of my childhood in the hospital. I thank you Marisa for this video! By the way- when I went to college it was for Speech Pathology and Audiology. I did not go past my sophomore year in folly though. I pray that you continue your path to mental health and wellness. Much love and God bless! Happy Mother's Day!💜🪷🙂
Cycle breaker here. Both my hubby and I actually. I really felt your pain as you spoke about this. I am a HSP and totally get it. On your book video, we already own the first 5-6 you mentioned. Lol. Book for book! It was hysterical to see that. I am a new sub and really enjoying your content. You’re not like the other minimalist channels out there and I appreciate that. Your experiences really resonate with me. In terms of the ACES - my score is pretty damn high. I never realized until very recently how much trauma I actually experienced. Then I stumbled on you. Thank you with deep gratitude. ❤❤❤
After having a breast cancer scare at 35 I researched it. Due to my depression I am more liking to get this form of cancer. Now I’m working on my depression. I have worked with so many doctors and still no answers to all my health issues. Now I know it’s my body screaming for help from all of the trapped trauma. Thank you for sharing your experience, so much.
I’ve been having a hard time dealing with my anxiety and depression lately but I’m getting out of that rut. I’m relieved to see that I’m not alone and that we really are out here breaking cycles. Go us!!🎉
Omg!!! Yes!!! I need this so much. I’ve been trying to navigate my road to healing. I have about 7 autoimmune diseases and am pretty much homebound. The story of “living with the bear” hit a major cord with me!!! Wow! Finally words to describe how I felt having to live with my abuser, even after I reported 1970s. MORE MORE MORE PLEASE!!!!!
So grateful for my marriage and adult home being heaven compared to childhood. Scored an 8. I find so much peace and healing being barefoot and working in my garden.
I really appreciate your heart 🤗 I have many Ace’s as well and struggled for decades with them. The most healing, release and resolution of symptoms that I’ve had has come from my relationship with with Jesus Christ. ❤
Thank you for your information it’s tragic so so many of us are suffering even as we are trying hard to heal, move on. My struggle is raw. I recently became unraveled and now my life is destroyed and I’m left feeling completely empty. To hurt and struggle every day and put on a ‘I am ok’ show to those around me is exhausting. I hope I don’t loose my fight. I’ve always put others before me and now I’m suffering for it. Sometimes just breathing hurts.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. I hope you hear and believe me when I say there is beauty waiting for you in healing. Healing is work, yes, and sometimes things get harder before it gets easier. It isn't linear. But I've been healing for 5 years now and I feel a hope and freedom I didn't even know existed. It's there for you too and you absolutely deserve to feel whole and healed too. ❤ wishing you strength and peace.
Another great video, Marissa! As a person with a high ACE score, I feel it's important to share information about the effects of trauma. It's not easy to break the cycle, but it can be done. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
Interesting. I'd never heard of this study or Ace scores before but it makes so much sense. Apparently I have 6 Aces. I think unconsciously I have ‘broken the cycle’ by deciding not to have children. I've just always felt it would be cruel to have a family. This book is definitely going on my to-read list. Thank you for sharing!
I'm on the same page as you. I decided to end it with me. No kids
Год назад
Thank you so much! I had to cry when you asked the question about the bear living in your house. I grew up with a narcissistic stepdad and this stress that lasted almost two decades is still stored in my body. I realized that the single most important thing for healing is relaxation. We (unconsciously) bring stressors in our life (toxic partners, career ...) so this stress level that we are used to is held up. Because if we don't have this certain level of stress we connect to all the suppressed and very painful feelings that came with our childhood. We don't want to feel this pain so we attract more stress... Only when we actively relax and open ourselves up to experience these feeling then we can truly heal. It is a slow and uncomfortable process but it is so necessary.
My ace score is 5. I admit I cried watching your video. I have been working on healing and breaking lineage issues and traumas for years. Thank you for this.
Thank you so much for this video, Marissa. I took the quiz and scored 3, and like you I have some questions in my life I will never get answers for, because the people I would need to talk to either are already gone or are not willing to talk certain issues. When I was about six years old, my parents told me that I was adopted and spent my early baby days un a home away from my biological mother. As a kid of six I did not understand that this maybe was the cause of my anxiety towards getting los at strange places or about losing my parents or my fear of "not being able to get home anymore" when my car broke down in the middle of nowhere or we had problems while travelling. Knowing these things now helps me to deal with my anxiety so much better.
Gosh Marissa, you took my breath away there! Thanks for your calm, gentle leadership on this impactful topic. We're born to brightly shine, nothing else matters ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Yeah I have no idea what ACES are at all. This is new to me. I don't stress much ever. You lost so many people in a short length of time. I am truly sorry. Both parents and 8 people in a short span of time is so much to go through (It seems like perhaps you were close to your grandmother and I am sorry she was one of the eight). You have such a sensitive and beautiful heart, by the way. I took the ACES test and got my score. Thanks for letting me know. I feel pretty good despite what it stated. I think I went through a lot of healing when I was young to get through things, but there is one person in my life I sometimes struggle with (because they haven't grown at all, nor try to, and still treat people around them poorly - and they have PTSD, COPD, and heart issues). Your score seems higher than mine though, and I am sorry for the things you have gone through. You have a beautiful family and life now and I am sure you have done a lot to make sure that you make a better life for your children than you had. You are doing a great job.
Ive just discovered your channel and its opened my mind to my own trauma,growing up with an alcaholic father,and marrying an alcoholic, getting graves disease.
That explains so much. Just looking at me and my mum. And my mum started to break the cycle of abuse with me. And now I gentle parent and my mum is a huge part of my life.
I Thank You sincerely! It is so so true. Trauma from childhood can ruin your adulthood. It is so hard to identify your traumas and put work to overcome them. But so worth it for own self and for loved ones around. Every line resonated so much with me and once more confirmed I am on the right way and not making things up being a victim. At the age of 30 started having auto immune issues, depression, sleep problems. But from outside people can envy me. But inside I cry at nights. I am slowly overcoming my traumas and distancing away from people who can hurt me.
Marisa, thank you for sharing not only your experiences but bringing forward such a wonderful resource as The Deepest Well. We have absolutely no idea what people in our lives or others are dealing with. While I dealt with trauma due to loss I have always been a seeker of knowledge on how to "survive" that trauma in a healthier way. I will share your video & the book with those I know can benefit. I appreciate the strength it took to make this video and relate so much to your vulnerability & sensitivity shown here as you try to help others break the generational cycles.
I love this video so much. I’m a cycle-breaker and I’m trying to encourage my husband to be one too. But he seems to have some rose-colored glasses for his parents and tried to deny that they have any ACEs or that they are the reason for his ACEs. I wish I could share this video with his family without offending them. I hope everyone is able to see their family as human beings rather than perfect people and start to heal these traumas that people pretend don’t exist. I’ve watched it destroy generations and continue.
As a pediatrician specializing in developmental challenges, this is pet of our every day evaluations. Social history is so very important when it comes to what affects our ongoing health starting in childhood. Thank you for talking about this!
it's so sad, all that happened to you. you are very strong if you talk about it to help others! I think everyone has something like that, but we can do it, especially knowing that we are not alone!
❤ also trying my best to break the circle with my little boy. I am currently reading a book from a spanish psicologist about how our childhood traumas can impact our relationship with our children and how normalized certian traumatising behaviours towards children are in our society 😢. This truly needs to be spread because if nothing changes...nothing changes.
you are an absolute inspiration to me. I'm 16 and this has definitely changed my thinking, and I will try and use this knowledge to help other young people I know. I hugely respect you and this education you're putting out will help so many people fix or stop themselves from going down harmful life paths. thank you, sending love.
I am currently reading the secret and got a couple of the others you suggested. Am going to read the deepest well last as feel reading it will be traumatic in itself. Have always believed that childhood trauma is linked to health issues but have never learnt how to disconnect the two. I am the cycle breaker in my family, its tough and makes me feel lost. This has helped so will read it and hopefully move my cycle breaking on a few steps.
Beautiful video! I'm a cycle breaker and I've been on my healing journey with earnest for about 5 years. One thing I might suggest to others looking to heal is to cultivate your awareness. Becoming aware of your triggers, or even emotions (that's where I had to start), how certain words feel in your body, how certain words and actions fuel or drain you. Cultivating your awareness and using that always as your fiat step in healing will really accelerate and help your journey❤
Thank you so much for this. I did the test and scored 6. I was aware I had an addictive personality so consciously stepped away fro smoking, drinking, drugs but I do have food problems caused by the trauma and toxic stress. I did counselling training, studied meditation practice and had personal therapy. I do need to work on the connection to food fear. Thanks for the video - you are a a total lotus flower blooming. Ps I’ve ordered the book.
Beautiful video and such an important topic. I have decided I will break the cycle in my family too and am working hard on healing myself. Sometimes it seems so overwhelming, but I won't give up anymore. Also, it was minimalism that helped me to practice letting go and creating room in my life to face my past. Looking forward to more content like this. Thank you so much for sharing ❤
You could not imagine...... When i listen this about the bear i realized that my answer could be that my choise is to hiding in bears hug ........ And that it could be the best discription of my life ......always hidden beside of fears and not at all boldness to active ...to do .....to stay front of my fears !!! Thank you for this finding !!!! I am watching you two years before or more and that is the first moment you found my key !!!!! Thank you again !!!!
This resonates with me. I am approaching sixty and I'm still sometimes remembering and realizing something more of how traumatic and damaging my early years were. My interpretation of 'time heals all wounds' is that the further away you move from the trauma, the more outward you are on a virtual bubble with the beginning of the trauma in the centre, the better able you may become to see the full scope of it.
Thank you so much. It's incredible that my journey of healing started with... meditation a while back and since then, everything's unfolds to break this circle. A lot of love and courage to all the circles breakers!
My best friend's mum just died today. One of our shared best friends passed on the 2nd. I'm currently waiting for my grandma to pass away. I already am a subscriber but this came across my recommended (somehow missed this one) and wow...the timing. I needed this. I'm struggling at the moment.
Thank you Marissa for sharing about ACES. I had not heard if this before. You did a wonderful job explaining it. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing so others can be helped. God bless you always. ❤
Powerful message! Thank you for sharing. I’m interested to see how I can apply this to my trauma of being married to a psychopath for 20 years and being in constant survival mode. I’ve been free for 5 years and it seems like I’m dealing with everything now because in survival mode you can’t. Thank you for bringing these positive messages! ❤
Im not here to be mean but theres no way he were a psychopath if you were with him for 20 years.. i got rid of 3 sociopaths in 3 years. Its easy. Say bye and send em packing. Too many woman since the metoo movement massively exagerate their victimhood.
I survived one. " Covert Narcissist " I wish I'd known earlier. Its very demonic. But I'm headed now. I went and got a lot of help, a lot......and after 4 years. Its the best thing I've ever done.
Thank you for sharing wholeheartedly, as always. I'm an SLP, and overtime began to see mental and emotional factors as essential to whether or not patients could improve... And overtime increasingly saw energetic and spiritual factors deeply enmeshed and impacting too. Biopsychosocial-spiritual models of care and social healing are essential I think. I would recommend those with ACES and autoimmune illnesses to explore working with an ethical Medical Intuitive as a way to further heal the stories and experiences deeply imprinted in the body and energetic field. I wish so much for a more loving and whole world. Kudos to you Marissa for finding the courage to face healing 🙏
Thank-you! Beyond grateful to you for sharing this...to all who are struggling to break the cycle, may you know you are not alone and may you know how brave you are!
My score was 7, the monster in the dark was my father. But Jesus saved me from it all! Only He can reparent you and love you perfectly. Thank you Lord Jesus!❤
You are very brave, Marissa. I doubt that I can push myself to read this book as I may stir up lots of traumatic memories which I have squashed inside me somewhere. I am the best human being I know how to be...always striving. I also listen intently for tone of voice in others to guage their thoughts and mood. It's exhausting. Thank you.
My ACES score is 5. I'm also a cycle breaker. It hasn't always been an easy journey, but it was important to me to give my sons a better childhood than the one I endured. Thank you SO MUCH for being open, honest & sensitive to this highly personal topic.
The bear 🐻- wonderful picture for emotions. I can relate to the hyper awareness of environment and my score was only a 2! Thanks so much for this awareness - what a blessing you have given in sharing!! 🎉
Living with the Bear now. His footfalls are heavy. I too read the same signals. Even people’s motions and breathing. I am healing and healthy and have learned to choose happiness every day no matter what is going on around me. I am the end of generational abuse and dysfunction. Thank you for your video. You help yourself, me and so many others. Love and blessings to you❤
Thank you for sharing this. I am also on my journey to healing from my complex childhood trauma. It's so helpful to know that I am not alone in my journey to heal and break the cycle.
Holy s***, did this come at the right time! I too am a cycle breaker and in AA so much of what you said I completely resonated with me including the missing pieces and then having the puzzle pieces never getting them because the people who have them are no longer with us here on earth. In fact, I am on my way to make amends to someone who is no longer here but at the cemetery. I will speak to them as if they're sitting right next to me. What an excellent video thank you so much for sharing.
I had no idea past emotional experiences as ACÉs. I learnt about traumatic experiences was through my therapist and truly managed them through neurolinguistic programming courses. It was these courses that, little by little, opened my mind towards accepting those experiences that held me back, forgiving myself and others, letting go to start anew. Thanks Marissa for talking about this topic. Emotional intelligence is not treated as much as it deserves.
Wow! Firstly thank you for being so open. Secondly thanks for bringing this to me as I’d never heard of it and just scored 8 so I will be looking deeper into it. I remember in a counselling session I once had for always ending up in abusive relationships despite on the surface not having a ‘type’ the counsellor, while delving into my childhood said ‘it’s no surprise you can’t find a healthy relationship, you don’t know what one looks like’ and it hit me hard but in a good way.
Today is the first time I have gotten to know about you , your channel and your amazing journey. Your story and your tears brought me to tears. I see some similarities in our pasts. There are differences too. I pray that you continue to break the cycle and to grow.
Yes! I have a number of ACEs, as well as other related trauma that is not addressed in the ACE quiz. I hadn't heard about the story of how people who did weightloss often failed after succeeding because they had trauma within that they were dealing with. That is me presently. I just can't get it together to succeed at health goals. I thought it was me, but it may be my trauma. Something good to look into, pray about, and consider in my struggle. 🤔
Loved this video! You are so right; Hurt people hurt people. Actively make the decision to break the generational cycles passed down to you. My ACE is a 4 and the quiz doesn't cover some experiences that are in fact traumatic. Remember ACE scores don't tally the positive experiences in early life that can help build resilience and protect a child from the effects of trauma.
They don’t talk enough about, taking care of an aging parent who was also your abuser. I currently am taking care of my 94 year old mom who was my abuser and caused me great trauma. Through therapy I have been able to gain tools to handle each situation that arises but people must understand all because the person becomes old and frail doesn’t mean the abuse stops. They may not have strength but they can still kill you with their words. I wish more attention was given to this.
I just came to comment that I'm just at min 1:58 and feel soooo anxious. I will view till the end .I think I both need it and deserve it. Thankyou so much for sharing.
I can not thank you enough for this video. Please know that you accomplished your wish with this video and it’s been genuinely life changing and eye opening. It’s so easy to just lock away the trauma and pretend to be ok, because it seems easier at the time. But it truly doesn’t ever go away, unfortunately. I will be purchasing the book and reading it in detail then trying to do the work and heal 🤍
I’ve seen the result of childhood trauma on my own children as a result of their father’s personality. I’m going to read the book and pass along the information to each of my (now adult) children. To compound the suffering, my younger daughter experienced cancer twice and then died of a drug overdose. I am going to share this video and read the book as well. Thank you for this. 💗
Great video, Marissa, so important to get this messaging out there. One note: you said you might be able to get closure if certain people were still alive, but my mother is 97, still alive, and I still can't get closure from her on so many painful things she did (and still does) to me, because she just cannot give it to me. Closure comes from our thoughts, not something others can give to us. This has been very important to my (imperfect) journey of healing.
Almost right, but have to correct, sorry, have to. Thoughts are not the problem. Beliefs are. They obviously start from early childhood. If thoughts were the problem, CBT would heal everything and everyone. As you can see, it does little to most people. Lol
I have been a fan of your channel for a long time because you absolutely nail the emotional aspect that underlies many of our decisions around our environment and lifestyle. I also have more than 4 ACES and the first place I started to better my life was around my things through minimalism. I absolutely can relate to your story and to the emotional way you talk about it. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing this. I've downloaded the book and I'm going to start it tonight :)
I needed this video right now in my life. Oh my goodness. I’m struggling with an OCD attack, my words for a phase of uncontrollable OCD. I can’t wait to dive into this book ❤ I’ve also shared it on my Facebook so hopefully others can find it as well. Thank you so much for sharing.
You have come such a long way and I want to applaud you. The amount of work needed to be laid down to reach the point that you are at, is not to be underestimated. You are truly inspiring. I think I will buy 'The Deepest Well' too because I relate a lot to what you talk about here. This channel remains closer to earth than any other channel, and I always look forward to the next video. Well done.
i score 9. my life never made much sense until i was able to remember my childhood. now i am nurturing my inner child and she is finally growing. thank you for your video. i have gained a lot of weight since the cptsd was triggered. but dealing with it gave me understanding about myself and others.
Thank you ever so much! I’m a child of Holocaust survivors, so yes, my DNA has been changed. I heard that. It takes seven generations to recover. It takes years and years of work to recover from trauma. I wish I could say I had loving parents, but I didn’t. They did their best though. But they were very broken people. Thanks for all the links. I will check out the aces and the rat study. I might share this with. my Weight Watchers group I can’t find the link for the rat study.
this video came on point into my life. thank you very much! I am actively doing my best to heal childhood traumas and break the cycles. it led to reconnect with siblings and even though their presence and our conversations help immensely, i still can feel that we do not align on the emotional impact these ACES had on us. they tend to rationalise, i do analyse and embrace the shitstorm in its fullest. i believe they are either not ready to accept things as they truly were, or they might not be the best person I can talk to about these sensitive topics. either way, what helped me most during my recovering journey is regressive hypnosis. i recommend to practice it with an experienced therapist. you can go beyond space and time and it unlocks so many more things that analysis can do. Good luck to everyone who is on this journey, you have taken the right decision fory you and your descendance!!!
Thank you for this. The ACES is just one way of measuring. There are other childhood traumas including those that you have mentioned, like loss of loved ones. This video is important to help other who need to break cycles of addiction, trauma, abuse etc. It's never too late to heal.
You already have helped me. I am getting out of the cave but I’m in a wheelchair and my parents have controlled my life. I have tried to escape. But I am glad to hear that my anxiety has a cause.
