Hello everyone, my name is Nika and I moved to Spain on an Erasmus internship programme during the first wave of the pandemic.
I’ve gone on exchanges and lived abroad before but this time was supposed to be different. It wasn’t about car rides, hugs and parties and blurry night life pictures of friends laughing. This was my chance to get out of my country, work a stable job in my field and build a better life. I thought as long as I do everything right, it will work out. I wanted to feel in control. I realise now, I bet a lot on a place I’ve never even been to before.
I was having a hard time in Spain. Feeling alone and isolated, I stopped doing everything I enjoyed. Despite all the success on paper - it felt like I've somehow regressed in my life and it made me feel very puzzled. I struggled to make and keep connections and no matter what I did, I could never feel at home there. I liked being alone but this felt different. There was no balance.
I’ve reached a point in my healing journey that challenged me the most Ive ever been challenged - what do you do when all that you knew about yourself turns blank and your big plan fails?
You walk.
In nature it was easier to feel like I belonged somewhere. I felt like a part of it. This place didn’t demand anything from me but being present. And being stuck in my monkey-mind for most of the time - it was a big relief. All that beauty just a bus ride away. Healing the tiredness. This place was giving me reasons to keep trying to come back to myself.
I became more quiet and observing than I ever was. And I finally let it all happen to me. I let myself feel the uncomfortable feelings, I let myself express them without judgement and I continued to walk, look and enjoy my tea.
ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ INSTAGRAM @nika.otto
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ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ TIKTOK @nikaotto
www.tiktok.com/@nikaotto
All music from youtube music library.
15 янв 2022
