EDIT - when i was discussing alt right politics and mentioned blaire white, milo yiannopolous and ben shapiro, and proceeded to say ‘it wasn’t just straight, white, cis men who got sucked into this’ i was in no way referring to the youtubers i’d just discussed, i was referring to their audience as a majority of the alt right are straight white cis men, i was in no way trying to misgender Blaire or trying to throw some sort of dig, and i apologise if it came across that way! my patreon: www.patreon.com/jordantheresa time stamps: 00:00 - intro 04:44 - i'm not like the other girls posts circa 2010 10:56 - internalised misogyny & fanfiction 14:36 - the 2016 sjw cringe compilation era of youtube 18:46 - modern forms of internalised misogyny i hope you all enjoy!
I loved this video!! I maybe have a topic suggestion that ties into this: bimbos and bimbofication? People on tiktok have been reclaiming it and putting a positive spin on it.
I used to judge that movie as stupid because the more popular people in my school loved it and I guess I didn't want to " be like them ". But I watched it a few years ago and I fucking love it. And I realized how stupid I was thinking like that. Legally blonde and Legally blonde 2 are fucking masterpieces and will gladly watch them over and over. The " Not like other girls " is a bad trend and can effect the view of awesome stuff like Legally Blonde.
The way I rejected the colour pink so passionately as a teen so I could feel *edgy* and now I’m in my early twenties fully thriving with the colour pink We love to see it
Ive noticed that in the gay community there is a niche of gay men who present more masculine who proudly call themselves “not like other gays”. I think its an extension of this
yes indeed. there’s no “gay man” other than a man who likes only men. thats it. you dont need any quirks to be a valid gay other than, like the same gender. i wish everyone thought this
I think because we grow up in a heteronormative society, being anything stereotypically gay is seen as a bad thing. Especially being a gay person, internal homophobia is prevalent in the lgbt community. You try to escape those stereotypes bcuz of heteronormativity. I dunno, just a thought.
I really would like to see a movie about a tomboy who has a lot of masculine interests and a really feminine girl who wears pink everyday be best friends. Like there’s no themes of either of them changing and the plot has nothing to do with their own styles. They just exist together and they love and support each other
I think the movie booksmart kinda did this and also the show Euphoria balances aesthetics really well and the aesthetics never shape the plot of the show. Just people loving and existing together as you said :)
Haven't you seen Juno? That's literally the film you just described and it was made In The early 2000s hope you like it it's one of my favourite films XX
and even better because the less traditionally feminine women will do this to her, stereotype her, and then grow as people after they're exposed to Elle and realize their judgment of her wasn't based on anything actually to do with Elle as a character. Like the best part of the first movie was when she and Vivian became friends and both started shitting on Warner/left him in the dust as they should have from the very beginning
@@bridgetmoran7343 exactly !!! the perm scene is iconic and just goes to show that femininity/knowledge of characteristically feminine things can be a resource
everything about legally blonde’s messages are fantastic. it’s genuine girl power and doesn’t drag down the preppy girl or the girly girl. honestly it’s probably one of the only chick flicks to have a good message that way
I’ve been saying how “straight tiktok” and “alt tiktok” aren’t that different. They both prefer skinny white girls as the norm :/ yet many alt girls think they’re different.
im pretty sure thats because its normalized to hold up skinny white girls above everybody else ? like i dont think its specifically alt or straight tiktok i think society just teaches people what is and isnt 'attractive' and it reeeeaaaally favors skinny white people
i think there’s a big difference between the “alt tiktok” that was first really labelled in like may with the deepfried audios, emojis, and mainly performative activism and the actual alternative community on tik tok with the different subcultures and fairly leftist views
When I hear from other women "I don't have female friends because it's too much drama" or anything similar that degrades other women it's an IMMEDIATE red flag that tells me that they're more than likely the problem, not other women
I mean where I Iive women do tend to be more dramatic on a day to day basis when compared with men. I don't know what could be the reason behind it but I just don't like it and so..yeah I don't really have much choice but to avoid making female friends
@@wthisgoingon__4300 Was the opposite for me. Boys bullied me severly and caused drama while girls showed me more compassion so I have more female friends. Still the world only seems to see women as the only dramatic ones and constantly ignores the dramatic boys or excuses their behaviour.
@@wthisgoingon__4300same I try to be friends with girls , but they are iffy and they can’t be honest, so I avoid them and the crazy thing is a lot of girls wanna be friends with me because they think I’m a Barbie but I’m like “no, thank you”
I always hated it when guys think telling me "Your not like other girls" or "You're not like most (insert my race) girls." is a compliment. It always felt weird, back handed, and it's like you can't just call me smart, pretty, fun, cool, etc without shitting on other women? You can't compliment me without comparing me to other women?
This!!! I absolutely hate it when guys say this, to me it seems very misogynistic and I worry what they think of other girls (almost as though I am more worthy of respect than other girls). I find it very degrading
yeah, i think the reason it seems so misogynistic is because their idea of “other girls” as a whole, or most women, is negative. the fact that you show positive traits, in his eyes, is atypical for a woman. which is sad, because women are amazing.
same! and now I'm also someone who doesn't even want to conform to gender, and like whatever I like without bringing others down (still a girl, just doesn't put gender stereotypes into regard) :))
"men are less dramatic" men in question: after being rejected murders this poor girl who just didn't want to give her number to a stranger at the club :)))
I think it stems from people treating us like we’re dolls for dress up and amusement, so when we finally get the freedom to dress and act how we want, the rebel comes out. Also, society constantly rolls their eyes at things teenage girls typically like (Twilight, One Direction, Back Street Boys, etc), yet things teenage boys typically like that aren’t that great don’t get the same amount of hate.
It's gone so extreme now with men starting to hate bands just because women started liking them even though those bands originally had a mostly male following. That's why those men rave over the first album but after that diss the band. The first album isn't always the best album. Often it's the second, third or fourth album.
@@permanentstateofawe6544 Yeees, around the age of 12-13 I've passed my awkward phase and I started to mingle with boys in my class(since I thought they were different from my girls classmates. All there were experiencing the awkward part) and they say horrible things about boys who weren't in the group too, but specially about my girl classmates(who flirt with) . So horrible.
I'm a trans guy so I've hung out with both guys and girls...in my experience, men are more dramatic. Ofc, at the end of the day, this just depends on the person and not the gender, people just tend to generalize based on their subjective experiences.
I do think a lot of it comes less from the desire for male validation and more from being belittled for interests/fashion that aren’t seen as the norm for girls that age. Girls like this turn their “uniqueness” into a personality trait because of this, but they usually end up tearing other women down for being “girly.” There’s definitely a difference between being “not like the other girls” and just a straight-up “pick me.”
@@miaatkinson1067 I agree omg, I used to be one of them "I'm not like other girls 🤪" people bc I was bullied for being different at school. I didn't wear makeup, not because I didn't want to but because I wasn't allowed, and I wore baggy clothes and didn't really share many interests with girls my age etc etc and all of the teasing made me turn to those "I'm not like other girls" posts for comfort and validation that I wasn't getting elsewhere. it made me feel better knowing I wasn't alone, but thankfully I've grown out of that phase and I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin now
@@Sarah-me1wf I second this. I was always alienated by the majority of girls\women who'd say I'm weird, bizarre, strange etc, without evet trying to know or understand me. So the whole 'nlog' thing was an escape and a coping mechanism for me really, from all this bullshit I had to endure from my classmates\colleagues.
@Lisa Harper well to add to my comment, I didn't do anything out of the societal norm, I was just kinda quiet, dressed unconventionally, didn't use a whole lot of makeup, and sometimes spoke my mind too harshly perhaps, you know, said things that are expected to be silenced. Still, I don't think that these reasons are enough to call me names and separate me from the group... And in case if you're not sarcastic (sorry, I couldn't tell), yeah, I think I'm okay now. I have a few girlfriends who were despised by the majority too, and we get along just awesome! I don't have as many friends as I'd like to right now, but I'm happy with what I already have 💜 Btw you have a very beautiful surname, I love it!
Okay, my point of view of how I think about this: Being a girly girl is exactly what men like about women. They like women with high heels, that show skin, that post butt pictures on instagram, that are nice, that like makeup, etc etc. Usually guys really are into these kind of girls. I would say that actually being a girly girl could be mysogynystic because you fit exactly in what men want women to be. When you are not this type of girl and you don't fit into the overly feminine standard, you won over misogyny. It's not really about being accepted by guys. No. You'll never gonna see a guy saying he doesn't like a feminine curvy woman with big boobs and big ass... And that he doesn't fap over her butt pics and doesn't send her dick pictures... So usually the "I'm not like other girls" girls don't do it because of the boys. They do it because they don't like feeling like a male satisfaction object... So many girls nowadays look like sex dolls... And they pose like sex dolls and they start being sexual and posting sexual stuff at 13 on Instagram. That's exactly what men like. And they fit into what men like into women... A tomboy girl doesn't fit into men's taste. So basically they're debunking gender roles. So I find them brave and cool and better than many pick me overly feminine women that still put down tomboy girls because they see them as competition. Some women don't like less feminine girls because some of them get along with guys. A lot of really feminine girls would LOVE to be friends with those guys because they want to have a boyfriend and they see those girls as a threat and as competition... So don't lie to yourself. Maybe you're even envious of less feminine women...
Oh yeah definitely. And they’re worshipped by women for the bare minimum. Edit: Ok people are misreading this comment so much. What im meaning to say is that (for a good example) on an app like tiktok, a guy could say “hey haha im a decent person” and girls in the comments of that video will fall at their feet- whether that guy means it or not. I NEVER said all men are bad??? I dont know where people are getting that from. I love and adore men. Im incredibly confused on where that came from. I was just pointing out a specific thing ive noticed.
@@notdolgutz9728 yh exactly. Men really shouldn't put themselves on a pedestal just for being a decent human being and treating other human beings with dignity.
jennnweke exactly, having morale and respecting other people and treating them with decency should already a *given*. it’s so irritating when most of those men complain that they are “being as nice to women as they can” and they deserve to get a girlfriend. it sometimes sounds so disingenuous. it’s like either way women are conquests to both of those types to men, except the “brutes” are explicit about this.
@@micmaemed Most of those men? Probably easier to miss a lot of the genuinely nice guys because they would not be complaining like that. Who wants to hear that? I got tired of "guys suck" from a woman I knew in school. It seemed like everyday. I finally said people suck, but many of them don't. What are you going to do? It really sucks hearing this from you all the time. I guess I was not being a nice guy. There were other guys hearing this from her to. Shouldn't some one have told her? Maybe the other guys were the nice ones for being quiet. I just could not see how this was helping anyone. Go talk to a friend about the bad behavior you experienced, but this was a bit much.
Yup! I’ll go on to list allllll the shit the “other girls” do. “Idk what makes you think that. I’m very girly, I drink, I smoke, I party, I don’t clean, I burn water when trying to boil it, I love pink and my room, bathroom, and hallway is decorated in it, I’m a gold digger, I have sex, and I’m actually into women.” I try to be as anti-pickme as possible when men say that stupid shit to me. It’s funny seeing them scramble for MY approval. “I mean, I don’t mind that you drink! And I actually cook so we don’t have to worry about that, etc etc” 😂😂😂😂
i was once a “ im not like other girls “ girl. HATED pink. HATED makeup. and basically anything feminine. but now im a makeup artist and have a pink room 😭
some girls are like that, still don’t like anything feminine but as long as they don’t have a “i’m superior” mindset there’s nothing wrong with it, we all have our interests and we are all gorgeous and unique in our own ways
I used to tell people "I don't read books with pink covers" in sixth grade, and I am so, so ashamed of myself. Eventually that went away when I made friends with some girls who did love feminine stuff, and I happen to like it now. I'm trying to make sense here, I like a lot of things that are considered feminine (make up, shopping, Taylor Swift etc) and a lot of things that aren't associated with women (watching, but not playing, sports, short hair, action movies etc)
i used to be like that mindset "other girls/pick me" because (still) i NEVER knew what the girls could/did talked about, I loved video games, anime and started to talk to the boys more and get their humor and the girls were to "dry" with our humor but i learned that mindset was bad but can still like the same stuff as long as i didn't think like that
In my experience men have been the dramatic ones, girls are really chill, but almost all the male friends i had were really jealous about me, to the point that when we discussed something and i had a point they got really angry and insulted me, also they usually dragged me down... instead the female friends i had/have always cheerish me and support my decisions..but anyways i want to believe that i only had bad experiences with boys:( haha Sorry if my english is bad :(
definitely!! all the videos i saw that were related to that topic were kind of bashing on & making fun of the hiii girls & their """excessive""" attention to their appearance/femininity, whereas the bruh girls were always portrayed as more fun, chaotic & "not like the hiii girls!" history just repeats itself lol
@@noemirodriguez1942 that comes with womanhood. as you grow up you experience things that affect you in different ways. even if bruh girls do have difficulty expressing their emotions the way women are typically expected to do, they still stay true to themselves.
@@Alex-ez4sq mine was mild, most of the time i love my girl group of friends more than hanging out with guys, and supporting other girls and stuff, but I still had im not like other girls moments lmao it's cringe af
@@smy3486 no worries at all!! im sure many girls/afab people have felt the same. media has engrained in our heads that had female leads had the whole “get the guy” romance story. all of those stories just taught girls that being pretty to get the guy is the only thing that will make you a good person. its something a lot of afab people need to unlearn :)
@@smy3486 I feel that kind of. I'm afab and for a while I hated being feminine and being seen as "girly". I thought it was weak and shallow. In my case though it was because I am nonbinary, specifically a demiboy, and as soon as I was able to figure that out I stopped feeling that way. Now I wear dresses all the time.
When I was 14 I love skirts and dresses but like people will say "that I was trying to get boys attention " but like I am a lesbian ,so I started dressing literally like a man short short hair big baggy clothes, when I first came as a lesbian to myself I felt empowered cause honestly men don't like pinky stuff but women do, now I dress like myself and is awesome
ISTG two friends of mine said that they only hang out with boys because boys are less drama like BRO WHAT THE HELL, I have more girl-friends than guy-friends and I think it depends on the person you're talking to. I am a girl and istg having supportive girl-friends who have your back is literally the best feeling.
I feel like the male equivalent of 'I'm not like the other girls' is kinda those guys who run around and call other males 'simp' and 'gay' for supporting women and showing emotions etc.
lmao i think "incels" and "nice guys" (both types that I equally try to avoid) are the male version of "not like other girls". I mean, just seeing one post or video of them is always like "wHy dOnT wOmEn lIkE aN aCtUaL hOt aLpHa dUdE lIkE mE aNd sOmE uGlY bEtA cUcK sImP gAy vIrGin? gIrLs sUck"
I remember fitting in the 'I'm not like the other girls' trope when I was a teenager but I never felt superior, I was sad because I wanted to connect with other classmates so badly but it was hard to do it when our interests were so different, of course this changed when I started college.
I know that you made this comment two years ago, but I wanted to tell you that this is exactly the way I feel as a teenager. Apparently, I'm not the one making fun of their personal life and likings, THEY do that to me.
I never did it for any trend either. I just had my set of differences and needed to find my sort of people who appreciated the same things I did. Plus my parents encouraged me to not be like my peers. (But with my mom "not like other families" was probably a superiority thing.)
Exactly, I never wear makeup bc I suck at it and I don’t even know how to do eyeliner, and everyone else in my school are so damn skilled, like bro their makeup is godly and it always makes me kinda jealous heh. I also want that skill, those girls should get A’s in art
Yesss looking back I think some girls thought I was shitting on them for not knowing how they wore makeup to school or work everyday because I didn't have the energy to put it on in the mornings, but like I literally admired them for it and couldn't fathom how they actually managed it 😂
That true but i think people shouldn't do makeup in the first place,natural beauty is the best :) you like someone from what he/she is inside not by outside
@@PlayfulFruitLPer did I say boys or MEN, grown ass MEN. I've never in my entire live heard from a 13 year old boy that a 30 year old woman called him "sexy" or "hot". Also, unwanted sexual comments are completely different from just looking at someone or thinking about them. Sexualize me in your head all you want but don't tell me about your fantasies, I didn't fucking ask.
i love how this generation is no longer tolerating stupid generational stereotypes and ways of being, this generation is really ready for change!!! LOVE to see it
It really depends. I work with 14 year olds and some of them say racist/homophobic/sexist things. Depends on what culture/community and home life they have. Hopefully the ignorant stuff will be set straight, if not by the time they graduate high school then maybe in college. They ain’t all woke unfortunately
especially where I'm from (where everyone is late asf, unfortunately) it's still going to take a lot of time before we see a big difference, but there's still some form of improvement
Movies portraying popular/pretty girls as the antagonist set me back so much! I went into high school immediately avoiding popular girls and it kept me from a lot of possible friends, especially looking back and noticing that the popular people were the nicest to me compared to the moreso alternative/scene group who were very defensive and rude
I can’t remember where I read/watched this, but I remember hearing the point that ‘historically’ when women were ‘sold’ or ‘married’ off to men, they were effectively competing against other women for the ‘best boy in town’ and then once they got him they were still competing against other women for his attention and for him not to cheat, for him not to leave them starving (because lest us forget, women haven’t been treated equally to men for a long time so couldn’t always get a job). So I wonder if this internalised misogyny stems from that? Stems from the fact that in the bast since women weren’t able to work and make money for themselves all they had was ‘superficial’ traits to make them desirable? And especially as you mention, all the ‘not like other girls’ characteristics are superficial.
I don't wanna be mean but I us, poor /working class girls always have worked. Because when you're poor, everybody works. Yes, even the children. We, of course, were farmers, fishers, solds goods on the markets, also women needed to go to the mine to have some cents... We need to stop looking history through a rich lens. It's not to attack you it's just to explain because even if I am feminist we still need to remember that it was first made by rich white women, that stayed at home all day and only thought about themselves ( Edit : only thought about their life conditions and for example neglected poor women and POC women)
Miss Issipi yeah that’s a good point, I don’t feel attacked don’t worry ahaha ☺️but it’s also true as the other commenter said, that being a housewife is I think different to working for yourself. You’re still dependent on a male for food right? But you raise a good point to the conversation ☺️
@thatshowmafiaworks I see, I see. That's always very interesting to hear history through different lenses ! I am sorry if I came off as a little bit aggressive. I am socially inept lol ( and where I am from we are known to be considered rude in the way we talk) That's probably a cultural difference . I also understand that being forced to be confined in your house and having your whole existence controlled by your husband is something that really sucks. We are happy that the world starts to see us as actual human beings ! To be honest we worked but women was still property and they didn't have the right to divorce. I am from France personally, my family and I are a bunch of peasants. I know that the culture is very different compared to asian countries for example. I was thinking about Middle Age, Renaissance, and Industrial Revolution era personally. Have a nice day !
Ahhh 2008 when Twilight sparked so many “I’m not like the other girls phases”, myself included! “I’m not like the other girls” is one of the most hated tropes in the book community and is now actually considered lazy writing, thank god let it die in the early 2000s please!!
One thing that doesn't sit right with me is the fact that everyone loves making fun of "I'm not like other girls" girls (don't get me wrong I understand why) yet nobody cares when boys do essentially the exact same thing and make those awful unfunny "boys Vs girls" memes like it's always girls = boring boys = fun and quirky
Fr, women just hate other women (they always have) but when a guy does the same as a pick me girl nobody blinks an eye. It's funny how these women who want to destroy internalized misogyny have it themselves and they never question men's bad behavior but only women's. U can't fight sexism with sexism 🤣
Obviously men's bad behaviour is called out just as much if not more by ppl talking about internalised misogyny? Especially because it is very often more obvious than pick me culture. She didn't talk about sexist man in this video because it wasn't about them. She talked about it on other videos though.
@@screemingslay5415 girlfriend by avril lavigne is way worse especially with the music video. Also taylor is a really big feminist now so people need to let that go.
There is a good RU-vid channel called “the take” which breaks down female type characters in movies. One of them is the “cool” girl immortalized by the novel and movie “gone girl” where women feel they have to adopt male traits to be liked, but ONLY IF “natural” and effortlessly drop dead gorgeous. I think a lot of American girls have internalized this mentality.
the take is the best they have such good perspectives and breakdowns on things i’ve always thought about but never knew were out there being articulated
Yeah lol she’s matured so much though and she was literally a teenager. “What you doing with a girl like that” -Taylor swift then “I want to wear pink and tell you how I feel about politics and those things shouldn’t have to cancel each other out” - Taylor Swift now
@@deplamarijke2555 yep. As a Swifty, I know.I know that she was younger then obviously, and she has matured . I was just saying that the song gave me “not like the other girl vibes” I didn’t throw any shade 😂
When I was in middle school I remember my "I'm not like other girls" phase was fueled by my jealousy of how easily it seemed like the "other girls" made friends and better connections with people. It took me a while to realize that though
Same for me! It also came from a lot of bullying from the “other girls” and my own friends. I was made fun of for liking reading, art, learning and not wearing certain things. The “not like other girls” came from the fact that I didn’t feel like I related to them at all and they bullied me for having actual interests other than just crushing on boys. I now have such a different perspective but it was so hard not to feel “different” when people constantly made fun of you for being different!
The people who say "I'm not like other girls" generally end up acting the same as each other and so they end up literally being like "other girls". When you (try to) base your personality around being unique, you end up acting like everyone else who thinks they're unique, thus making you just another part of the group. The same happened with hipsters. It's great you're covering this topic and I'm loving the video so far. Can't wait to see what's coming next.
Yh exactly no one is like anybody really. We all may have similar interests to the next person but there will always be something a bit different about all of us. So what if someone dresses exactly the same as a whole group of ppl? What's the harm?
Yes exactly!! Would’ve made my own comment but u have worded it so much better than me haha ! But yes so many people seem to bash other people for displaying ‘not like the other girls’ characteristics but then those exact people are then showing off about how they’re not like thoseeee other girls like really it seems to me that it’s all just a big circle of wanting to be seen as an individual like different musician fanbases seeing themselves as better than the other fanbases !
*It's weird how if a guy has more unintentional femininity to his personality, people are gonna assume he's gay.* I'm not agreeing with these specific people, but it's just what they would do, ONLY ASSUMING IT. They don't know that they are doing what they're doing, as I put in bold words earlier. Just to make things clear.
As a gay man, agreed. Caring about your hygiene and enjoying looking nice is universal. That said, a lot of straight guys need to chill out. They are operating with a very bad theory about what it means to be gay. Caring about your appearance does not make you gay. Not liking traditionally “masculine” activities does not make you gay. Cooking and cleaning does not make you gay. Enjoying being topped by a woman does not make you gay. If you’re a man and you exclusively like women, you’re straight, and nothing you can ever do or see or hear will change that. Likewise for any other sexuality. It’s also kind of insulting that they’re so hung up on trying to prove they’re not someone like me. As if being gay is some sort of shameful life sentence, or that you have to revoke your “man card” just because of your aesthetic, romantic or sexual preferences. But more than anything I kind of feel sorry for hetero white men. They’re just as shackled by a sexist, racist, homophobic society as women, LGBT+ people, and racial minorities, and unfortunately a lot of them have based their entire self worth on it. It’s just a pity more of them don’t realize that we can (and should) be natural allies. They have more friends in the groups they hate than they realize.
The whole narrative of being told “you will only be truly happy when you find the one and get in a relationship” really affected me as a person who is aromantic and asexual. I had a crisis thinking “am I going to be happy” and “will my life be fulfilling or worthwhile.” I’ve been trying to deconstruct what I’m constantly being told and accept who I am. This rhetoric has especially affected me as a woman because, like Jordan said in the video, we are pressured to think we have to please the male gaze.
Random but idk if you can help me lol I wanna start dressing up and wearing more girly stuff but I’m scared of getting judged at school and by people in general :/ so if you have any tips feel free to share them :)
@@ljepotica6073 Girl, wear what you like. If people judge you for what you wear , realize they are just scared of being themselves too. Wear what makes you feel happy,cute, comfy! It all really comes to what looks good to your eye. You got this♥️
I am obsessed with this topic, mostly because I think my not like other girls was a mix of internalised misogyny and also internalising my transness. Like I didn't have words to explain my issues with gender but this was big in the discourse, that combined with being painfully awkward and nerdy. Idk, I just find it interesting but literally have never seen anyone talk about it or if it was just me.
Yup, being in an all girl's school as an nb person, I had a pretty strong rejection of feminity for a while that I'm only unlearning as an adult. Plus I find make up to be a great way to express myself and my transness now :D
Yes! I had a massive not like other girls phase- but it also turns out I was never a girl but a queer boy the whole time. It’s weird to try and find the line between what was my own dysphoria and what was internalized misogyny.
When I was in middle school, people (girls included) would call me a femenazi for standing up for basic woman’s rights. It hurt me so badly that I just stopped defending my beliefs all together.
I got bullied for stating that we shouldn’t be calling women whores. This was a couple of years ago. It’s disgusting. I was replied with that “I shouldn’t be taking it so seriously” and “it was just a joke”. This was both men and women defending this. It now seems wild to me that this was even a conversation, and also women stating things that are not in their best interest? Why? To me that is the “pick me girl” personified. Agreeing with sexism that is instigated by men in order to appeal to them. Ugh.
Not your fault and since you clearly realized and became aware. What matters is that that you see y misogyny pits U against women and pick me culture is something to be mindful of you’re obviously a good person- it’s society and men not u
I used to think I was not like other girls, but when I hung out with boys I realized I wasn't like other boys either, and then I got diagnosed with autism
all of the girls i've met that were "not like other girls" as teenagers turned out to be either trans men or ragingly feminine feminists later in life.
I love that you talked about the “bimbo” being the antagonist. I rewatched Gilmore girls recently and while I love the show and know it was made 20 years ago, it’s still sad to see the main character being praised compared to the other girls her age because she doesn’t count her calories when that’s a clear sign of an eating disorder. Just really happy you covered this
Yeah totally, it’s the encouragement for “effortless beauty” when in reality, “traditional beauty” usually takes lots of effort to achieve. But if you actually struggle to keep up, you’re too high maintenance.
I agree with your general sentiment, but calorie counting is not necessarily a sign of an eating disorder. It can be a useful tool for overweight or obese people looking to lose weight at a healthy pace, or for those looking to maintain.
the fact that Gilmore girls was supposed to be feminist at the time but there are so many little things wrong with it haha. the way they portrayed girls like Shane and Lindsay as dumb blondes while Rory was put on a pedestal for being different. and she felt entitled to both guys because she was somehow better than those girls. and I get that the grossly unhealthy amount of junk food they ate might be to counter diet culture, but they still stay slim while they've fat shamed others
@@kaywho6477 No I know, but I could only fit it in a little comment plus if you've seen the show they used calorie counting as a punchline for the super skinny, stupid popular girls. It was clearly not to show the benefits of a caloric deficit for weightloss if you get my drift.
This is why I love Euphoria. It breaks those stereotypes. Bigger girl that is not just the funny friend, but a sexy girl who explores her sexuality without the need to loose weight. Popular girl that doesn’t have to be mean for no reason. Pretty girls that are treated badly by boyfriends.
@@Orchidlettux i agree. it’s an amazing show, but the fact the MINORS are subjecting themselves to older men is umm not good. just the fact that euphoria has rly normalized substance abuse is both good & bad. it’s a tough situation.
" I do get kinda judged based on my girly appearance" T H A N K Y O U for doing it! Thank you for being and looking as girly girl and speaking up your mind, and speaking up your opinions and talking politics! We need more of this.
"alt tiktok" isn't even alternative people either. the whole point of being alternative is participating in counterculture, which obviously isn't the case if you shop at brandy melville and listen to popular musicians exclusively. the sad thing is many of the "alt" girls participate in cringe culture (which is just making fun of kids who dont understand social norms and is inherently ableist) or make fun of emo and scene people for just being themselves,,, almost like the popular "lululemon girls" they claim to hate (who are actually typically very nice people in my experience).
I completely agree, 'alt tiktok' is literally just a bunch of skinny white popular girls trying to assert superiority by being different and I find it disturbing sometimes the things they do to make sure people know they're 'cool and different'
I know it's so annoying being someone who is actually alternative (I'm emo which is very cringy to say srry XD) and then being told I'm a poser and then also being told that I must be depressed and cut myself for the way I dress and music I listen to when I'm neither of those things I just dress this way and listen to music like that because it's how I like to be and how I like to express myself and mainly because it gives me confidence
@@xxstellastarlightxx9284 I hate when people just assume that’s someone’s depressed because of the way they dress, I used to dress emo but got pushed out of it because I didn’t want be a stereotype. I was depressed in that time of my life, but that wasn’t because of how I dressed. I simply found comfort in the emo community.
@@wo-lien6069 I know same and sadly we all judge someone based on their appearance it's just human nature. I hope, most importantly, you're feeling happier now and I'm glad you found comfort in the community. I myself find it comforting as you know no-one will judge you for being yourself. Just remember that you shouldn't change who you are just because someone makes you or says to and remember you're always emo in your heart
For me as a teenager, being 'not like other girls' was nothing to do with male attention, as I went to an all girls' school and knew hardly any guys. The 'Other girls' were the ones who bullied me mercilessly, so I found some comfort in being different from them.
@Alf DarkDeadly No -- a person's sexuality has nothing to do with the school they go to... Most girls I knew had boyfriends, they just met them through activities rather than at school. I'd say over 90% of my classmates were probably straight.
This is what bugs me about this whole thing , like we can't pretend social outcast, bullied kids and weirdos don't exist. There is a movement of girls that claim to be "different" from their peers but what does this stem from? It's simplicistic to reduce the whole argument to a feminist argument, there is so much more to the picture than this
i think the only thing that saved me a little bit from the "I'm not like other girls" was realizing that I'm big fat gay and i actually love the other girls
I was just thinking along the same lines but I actually did go through an "I'm not like other girls" phase mostly cuz I didn't want to associate with other girls because I was uncomfortable about my attraction to them but when that all went away I became VERY appreciative of other girls 😏 A double whammy of internalized misogyny AND homophobia. Fun. My teen years were a whirlwind of self hatred. I am beyond happy that that shitstorm is over 😅
I haaaate when people say "girls are too much drama" bcs my experience is the complete opposite. 90% of all of the big dramas i've witnessed have been with guys and not girls. In high school I was a lot with the boy-gang bcs I was close friends with many of them, but OMG they were so much drama. It was always a minimum of 1 or 2 guys being mad at each other, or me, or just some other girl or guy. They were just always mad at someone, it was always SOMETHING. I literally went to the girls and hanged out with them when I needed a break from all of the drama and just needed a fun drama-free day.
i overcame my internalized misogyny only when i accepted that i like kpop. in the west it's often seen as a hobby for young girls and our society doesn't value interests of young girls, so when i realized i like kpop i felt embarrassed. i can't believe our internalized stereotypes hold us back so much. the deeper i looked into fan culture and especially organized fan groups, the more fascinated I became. these people are incredible and far more diverse than some may think, i've learned so much over the last two years. like i nearly missed out on that because I thought "having a hobby for young teenage girls is bad"
I hate the fact that growing up you got made fun of wearing black by the popular girls now the edgy alternative girls are mean to the girly girls. Like why cant we all just coexist and not shame anyone for being themselves. If you didn't like getting bullied for it don't do it back it it will never end.
Here in Israel we have an old saying "מה ששנאו עליך אל תעשה לחבריך", i guess the closest translation to English would be "whatever crimes of hate were committed against you, don't do the same to other people" it's a very hard saying to translate
Because those girls have always been mean to girls who don’t like being feminine. It’s super funny how they say alt girls are mean to feminine girls when it’s always historically been the other way
this is what I dislike about alt people as an alt kid myself, sure it's one thing to be mildly defensive if the person themselves is rude, but there's a difference between defending against misinformation and rude people vs. just being an ass, generalizing* and gatekeeping. Isn't the alt community made to be asking for acceptance and equality between everyone regardless if you conform or not? it's ironic. If you know that the other person is "rude" or "immature" for being rude, then it says a lot about you if you have to resort to doing that to them as well.
Something I used to catch myself doing was judging girls social media posts for saying things like “I look pretty today”. I’d be like, “wow what a narcissist” because I was projecting my own insecurities and internalized misogyny on them. But you know what? They did look pretty in those posts so I should’ve supported their confidence.
When the standard of being a “perfect woman” are so narrow and seemingly impossible, there’s a freedom in rejecting it. I remember most of the beauty standards were very white, skinny, and athletic at my school. Being Asian, a bit bustier, early bloomer, and not being able to afford fashionable clothes, makeup, and accessories made it seem that being pretty and popular was impossible so I swung the other way, developed a “sense of humor” at the time when “relatable humor” was hitting its peak and was a jealous Bitch in my head. The problem was I villainized the girls that embodied the standards, not the standards themselves. Also I feel your Jordan on the 2016 antisjw phase I was the queen of pick mes, luckily I didn’t share it... 🤮
It reminds me about how beauty standards change a lot, back when people thought big butts and big breasts were weird and stuff, and throughout the 2010's it became a damn thing, and now with the rise of kpop and "weeb culture", people are even fetishizing asians which gets pretty weird at times.
@Chrissy 123 The Take has some great videos on stuff like Latina women in movies, or the ''model minority''. White women are dull and boring, Latina women are spicy and lively, Asian women are domestic and submissive (or mysterious geniuses), black women are strong and ballsy, etc. It's all just a ploy to get women to compete with each other, thus straining their corporation against the patriarchy.
i had a "tomboyish-i'm not like other girls" fase and now i'm obsessed with platform heels, winx club type of fashion and self care videos where they share the best parfumes/lotions lol
the "nice guy" thing is men's versions of 'im not like the other girls', and it comes from the same place of insecurity (i.e. "im not a fuck boy like all the other men" = they feel insecure about their lack of ahem "experience", etc.) in my opinion. its their way to somehow both distance themselves from masculine stereotypes and embody them (the fuckboy vs gentlemen) at the same time (kind of like the pick mes/nltog doing the age old madonne vs Jezebel, or marylin monroe vs jackie kennedy stereotypes)
But i think men don't give a shit. I think nice guys are actual nice guys and hate the fuck boy stereotype, and fuck boys are just fuck boys that don't give two shit about nice guys. I mean, neither would bully the other, you know? They just mind their own business. I feel like this is because there is not such thing as machism but towards men (or at least not as big as machism).
Oddly enough, about the socializing thing, I was actually a very girly girl when I was little, to the point where I would cry if someone asked me to wear pants because I thought pants were for boys, but then I was bullied for my girly tastes in middle school, and was basically told that I couldn't be a science geek and a girly girl simultaneously. I felt like I was forced to choose, its either science or pink dresses, and ofcourse I chose science, because a) social approval and b) I loved science too much, so I guess society basically pushes us into the "not like other girls". Only now, as an adult, have I been able to realise that being a girly girl doesn't disqualify my geeky interests, science or otherwise. Its quite sad, really. I think we can all do better as a society.
the skirt doesnt affect your brains function... WHEN WILL MEN REALISE. Why do we still put so much emphasis on FABRIC as a society, fabric thats literally there so we can hide our parts. FaBrIc.
I think pick mes are extra toxic, because NLOGs aren't necessarily saying they're "not like other girls" to put down other women. Sometimes they say it because they genuinely feel like they don't belong (weird way of showing it, but it's understandable). Whereas as a pick me's whole goal is to gain male approval by being the best "wifey". I made a video on pick mes and think I had to bleach my eyes after some of the shit I saw when researching 😂
Agreed, NLOGs often get generalized as the same as pick-me’s but it gets a little more complicated when there can be feelings of not-belonging and/or questioning gender identity. Thanks for commenting!
Well, by saying your 'not like other girls' you are insinuating that there is a problem with other girls. It perpetuates the idea that being apart of the majority is 'wrong' or shows you lack identity. Though, I agree with your point, 'pick me's' are the worst - def gonna check out your video.
@@aomeke8368 well there is usually something wrong with the other girls at that time and place, because they bully and exclude the girls that they see as different.
My step mom likes to say she’s “not like the other girls” and it always makes me uncomfortable because idk how to tell her that it’s just internalized misogyny and her own insecurities
@@snowpearl5908 same, my mom always compared me to my younger self and say things like “when you used to be girly” like.........I’m not into that stuff anymore? 😅
my mom tells me that it’s impossible to be friends with other girls and once said “all you’ll ever be is [your boyfriend’s] girlfriend”. people are insane and i’m proud of others for unlearning it
This is why sailor moon is great!! Usagi is "like other girls" and she never looks down on other people! It also shows that masculine women can be heroes and can hang out w women not like them :)
honestly magical girls as its own subgenre is mostly (if not completely) just very, very positive on young girls. though a lot of the stories i grew up with (sailor moon, tokyo mew mew, W.I.T.C.H) didn't have a wide range of representations in terms of looks and body types, when it comes to interests and personalities they were rather diverse and show girls that they don't have to be one specific way to be rad. you can be a girly girl, a tomboy, a nerd, an introvert, an extrovert, and whatever else and _it's fine._ there's no one right way "to be a girl" and in spite of their differences, these girls always team up and beat the bad guys at the end of the day. even when they bicker and fight, they work through their differences and learn to accept the other as they are instead of forcing them to be more like what one friend prefers. anyway, tldr: magical girls supremacy.
Growing up, I have always had more female friends than guy friends. I got bullied a lot by males so I naturally gravitated toward girls as a result. I have always hated when ppl say that girls are more dramatic than guys.
Same here. Almost all of the people who picked on me growing up were males, so I always had more female friends. I started having more guy friends when I got into later years of high school and college, so it evened out a bit.
Good coming from a male don’t sexualize yourself or try to change your body to impress guys or fuck, even girls bc a lot of girls dress sexy even for other girls.
Sounds good. And rich guys like me will just flash a wad of hundreds and have all the girlies at the party fighting over my fly. Gotta love modern day feminism. KEK
this video literally blew my mind!! all the self-misogyny is exactly how I am towards myself (not being girly to be different etc) oml. thank you for this video x
I remember a boy telling me that he fell in love with me after I told him that I'm exactly like the other girls after he just told me that I'm not. I actually thought that it was so cute and unexpected. So girls please do not think that being like "the other girls" is a bad thing. Just be yourself whatever that may be and that's the only thing that matters
I pushed against the “other girls” because those were the girls that bullied me growing up. I now have a nuanced understanding of femininity but I am still nervous when interacting with “typical” females for the first time (before getting to know them) even now as a fully grow woman. It’s not misogyny based for me, it’s trauma based lol
Same lol, though it didn’t get much better as an adult. I was still ostracised and picked on by my women managers/bosses when I started working in an office - dying to not be perceived as a pick me but I genuinely do have a hard time getting along with women generally, even family members
when i was younger i desperately wanted to be "like other girls" as i always felt like an outsider, i tried to supress my nerdy or out of the norm interests and being more "femenine" (whatever that is) and just ended up being really sad. i grew up being "not like other girls" but that didn't made me happy or proud, i just felt sad and lonely, like i didn't fit in
sawa you don't need to be one thing or the other. most of us are always going to be a mix of many things because people are complicated and fascinating. women are valid no matter what their interests are. i hope you find people who you can identify with soon.
@@bexb3557 thank you :) i still don't have many friends and struggle with these feelings of being an outsider, but i know i'm not the only one who is like this and i have accepted myself and now i just try to be proud of who i am and enjoy the things that i like without feeling ashamed
@@awesomecutieusername of course! something that girls need to know when they are growing up is that they are valid and accepted, that there is not a "right way" or even a "normal way" to be a woman. you should be proud of who you are and always do the things that make you happy, without worrying about meeting standards.
Me too, in some ways those "not like other girls" characters felt like a nod of solidarity, so it was quite a surprise when i realised they were mostly written by desperate lonely men. Though I never looked down on other girls just couldn't relate for the life of me lmao
I can empathize with the "not like other girls". Throughout childhood, I used to be bullied by "popular girls" for having more masculine facial features, so I would share those memes on social media in an act of bitterness. But as an adult, I no longer feel that way. I understand now those little girls hurt me for reasons that were more personal to them. In fact, I'm starting my own self love and beauty journey so I can be the hot girl that i always wanted to be but felt like I could never live up to.
I used to have the “not like other girls” mentality back when I was in high school, but as I got older, my bitterness is slowly fading away. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty. I’m embracing my femininity. To be honest with you, there’s NOTHING wrong with playing video games AND dressing up at the same time. I’m proud of that.
When I was younger, I loved ‘girly’ things, Disney princesses, dolls, things like that, but I’d also love ‘boyish’ things like building lego stuff and making big safari layouts(?) with plastic animals. I’d alternate between them. When I was in early elementary school, around second grade, I completely rejected anything feminine because I thought that it was bad and girly. It took me until fifth grade to realize that I also loved traditionally feminine things, and that I could like makeup and long hair, and still be ‘cool’. I’m genderfluid now, so that kinda explains stuff.
@@ZA1ISTYPING_ tbh, I don't know. Everyone discovers their gender differently, but if you're an enby now then you're an enby. I personally don't think it really matters how you realized or what's 'normal'
@@ZA1ISTYPING_ I did that and I’m a straight woman so I don’t think it’s a determinator but I think it’s more of how you feel and how you discover yourself. Everyone’s journey is different. I loved princess dresses, loved climbing trees, loved playing in the mud and playing with trucks and dolls and was a complete mix of “boy” and “girl” interests. I grew up with older brothers so I think that plays into it too but I have never questioned my gender or anything. I’ve always felt like a woman no matter what my interests have been
I remember pouring a lot of my identity into being “one of the guys” and “not like other girls” growing up. Turns out I was actually just a trans guy! 😂 Thanks for your wonderful content, your hard work and attention to detail really shines in these!
My bestie had a similar experience. She is trans and we were talking about how she found out and she said : "I just realized that I didn't just liked girls, I also wanted to be one of them".
@@amazingdollart4676 I thought you meant his comment is creepy 🤣 Remember to take regular breaks and try to take care of yourself. No exam is more important than your well being
I put a lot of time into being a “not like the other girls” kinda person growing up. For me it turned out that I’m actually non-binary and now I know why I’m uncomfortable being told or perceived that I’m a girl. I haven’t done anything to transition yet tho since my family is transphobic.
When I was a teen I definitely had the “I’m not like other girls” mentality. “The other girls” were the popular girlie girls. The reason why I was like that, I think, was because of how judgemental and rude they were to “girls like me”. I felt they distanced themselves from everything I was and everything I liked and therefore I distanced myself from everything they were. The internalised misogyny doesn’t just cover hate for girlie girls, but also girls that do not fit the “stereotypical” woman/girl category
Those “alt” girls are not true alt. Alt is going against the social norm but not putting people down for being a part of that norm. Reminder: if you’re a trumpie, you aren’t alt!
Most of these progressives call everyone who is conservative “alt right” without knowing what it actually is. Being a conservative that supports trump is the norm among conservatives so yeah, not alternative at all. They just call us “alt right” to make us seem like we are this radical, hateful, minority. No one that supports trump calls themselves a trumpie btw.
@@adriana12995 She didn't say alt-right. She said alternative. And yes, if support Trump you have a hateful ideology. There's no debating that at this point. Trumpies is also a coined term that people call his supporters, not what his supporters call themselves. I prefer to just call them fascists.
i think in most of our childhoods, it was pressed on us that we needed to be ‘unique.’ We always felt the need to differentiate ourselves with others, even while also wanting to fit in.
I feel like the "I'm not like other girls" meme could end up putting shame on autistic women. We genuinely don't feel like other girls. We cannot communicate the same way other girls do, or anyone. Great video, was thought provoking to me.
I feel this so much. I'm autistic and have spent the last 7 years of my life in an all-girls secondary school, and I haven't made a single real friend. Even though I try really hard not to, I can't help resenting "normal" girls sometimes for their ability to just... fit in. I would never brag about being different or try to put other girls down for being "basic", but sometimes I have to tell myself that being different is a good thing, otherwise I would just hate myself for it.
I get what you're saying but this particular concept refers to girls who think theyre better than other girls. You can feel different as long as you don't feel some form of superiority comes with it. If that makes sense.
@@averi570 nah, it isn't reserved just for girls who have a superiority complex over being "different". I've gotten accused of being a "not like other girls" girl and a "pick me" girl just for liking the things that I do and I'm not even trying to be different - I'm just being myself. It's a very overused term that imo is anti-women in and of itself.
bass kitten808 then those people are using it incorrectly, which happens sometimes. you’re right it can be anti-women when thrown around improperly but the true meaning of the phrase isn’t. it’s trying to discourage girls from constantly viewing other women as competition or putting them down for having different interests. this is a very common issue so it’s important. just because it’s used incorrectly sometimes doesn’t make it invalid.
As a cis white guy, anti-sjw RU-vid turned me into a massive asshole for a good 6 years. Now I'm actually watching and reading about feminism, it's so much more interesting, nuanced and just useful too (learning that I'm allowed to have emotions, for example!) So yeah, I'd be interested in your take on the anti-sjw contest. Like you I considered myself a lefty but I ended up just angry and paranoid about feminists all of the time. It's really unsettling to think back on because there were men joking about and dismissng rape culture, then you had women like Shoeonhead calling women liars by 'debunking' the wage gap at every opportunity - Shoe and Blaire White are classic examples of women who don't want to be seen as a burden to men. I hear Shoe is getting slightly better, but I can't return to watching her after all that bullshit she spouted.
We always love a growth story! It always makes me feel so much better to read posts like these from people who used to be anti-sjw. Thanks for sharing!
This is so happy and hopeful to hear! Sometimes when I look on a certain part of the internet too long it feels like all men just hate women, I know that's not the case at all, I have so many beautiful guy friends but it can be so overwhelming to be surrounded by men saying the most hateful and misogynistic things for seemingly no real reason. I'm so glad you became self aware about those past beliefs (I've definitely been there myself so I know how easy it is to get sucked in! Especially if you aren't on the receiving end of sexism/racsim/etc) and are realising what feminism is really about, most men are victims of the patriarchy too! It gives me hope that education and positive activism really works so thank you for sharing.
Damn I was just watching another one of your videos. I’m so glad you did this topic btw as a teenage girl I’ve realized that I have judged so many of classmates for certain things and all along it was just internalized misogyny. Overcoming that is hard because there’s so many layers to it and sometimes you don’t even notice
I was a bit like that - being rejected/bullied by the "popular attractive girls", as a self-defence I disparaged them in my mind, trying to take pride with "not being as shallow as them". That didn't last that long though, and a bunch of years ago I watched this one video ("I'm not friends with girls" by albinwonderland) where she points out how that "I'm not like other girls" rhetoric is harmful and useless, and it opened my eyes. It kinda actually sent me on my feminism journey, as it taught me that I shouldn't be judgmental to other girls, but rather try to uplift them and nowadays I treasure every connection I make with any girl/woman, no matter of their background.
