I have to say, dealing with Crohns disease and colostomy since forever now. I can understand how anxiety can play a huge role in your life along with the situational depression. You are doing much better than I am in managing your life, you are going out trying to do the things you want to do regardless and in spite everything. I haven't been able to get myself past my anxiety to go to school, so I have an actual life. I have had a case manager therapist etc. but have gotten nowhere. The worst part is that you look healthy on the outside but on the inside its miserable physically and emotionally. You did an amazing job keeping yourself together on camera. Thank you for sharing!
This popped up in my feed today and it's interesting that it did. Diagnosed with CD in 2007 now we think it's UC. I'm strongly considering a permanent ileostomy. It's been a hard road. In 2012 I developed a systemic MRSA infection which necrotized my left ankle. I was 24 hours from amputation but we saved it and now I have a large skin graft. I'm literally covered in scars from head to foot due to this disease. Thank you for your honesty - you are a beautiful young lady. Here's to your health!
I've only recently subscribed to you & have only seen a couple of your videos. I am 36 & had three operations, resulting in a permanent ileostomy, when I was 20 years old, due to Crown's disease. Since then, despite the CD being in remission & only having occasional 'mechanical' issues, such as blockages & adhesions, I've developed multiple health conditions, which impact my day to day life tremendously & are worsening. I have achieved such a lot in my life, compared to many people, & to (cont.)
So sorry you have to feel this way. I have worked with people with this illness and it is hard. On one hand people are depending on u, but u have to be healthy. Best to be realistic and don't commit to a situation where someone will be in trouble if you cannot make it. That doesn't mean don't live though! I work for hospice, so I would say volunteer when you can-don't commit to a certain time. My nursing home patients are flexible for volunteer visits. Same with other things, keep it flexible
You ARE doing something wonderful with these videos...IBD is one of the loneliest of the chronic diseases and you are creating a knowledge base that others will benefit from and get that external strength at their most difficult moments. It is uplifting to know I am not alone. I can relate to you, and I think most all of us with IBD can. I've medically withdrawn from school temporarily. I've missed major life events due to bowel issues, and had bowel issue ruin events mid-way through. And I certainly have anxiety about how the future will pan out if my IBD were to worsen or flare, as it seems like IBD always flares at the absolute worst possible times. IBD certainly presents many challenges...but the bravery you show in your videos, the honestly you are willing to share, the positive effort you make, and the drive you have...there is no doubt in my mind that you will be able to accomplish everything you may wish for and then some. I think part of it is that when one feels better, we reach a point of "feeling good"...and with Crohn's/UC/IC, the "feeling good" is NOT the norm, but rather foreign. Hitting a point of not being in severe pain or not needing a bathroom 24-7 is almost strange after prolonged illness. So when we reach that point, I think we develop a fear of losing it. And if one is feeling better, they have more time to think about the topic, so it marinates. Intense anxiety then follows. As IBD can have frequent ups-and-downs, it's a very unique condition in that sense as not many others have such frequent cycles. The outlet for my stress, depression, and anxiety turned out to be a rabbit who now roams my house like small, potty-trained, miniature pony. I honestly don't think I'd be here today without her. On an interesting note, I went into the field of research as well, and my IBD kind of moved me in that direction...which makes me wonder if IBD is correlated with the profession of being in research???
Hi Thanks for sharing and being so honest takes a lot of guts to share your feelings on line .. I think it is time for you to start a gratitude journal... This is something I find very helpful. Every night before I go to sleep I lay there and think of all the things I am grateful for I do this every night! The change can be profound....! hope this helps PS I think your a rock star!
What your mom said is of course true and you know it, that it's rational, completely understandable you have these feelings. If it helps at all, you're looking great! Not only pretty but healthy, which is the important thing. I do hope you stay healthy for awhile at least. By the way, this past year my 13 year old grandson had surgery and has a temporary ostomy. The way things happened were pretty awful; it's the most trouble he's had yet with Crohns. I hope it doesn't get worse. I appreciate your videos. You've taught me a lot about this disease and you're very entertaining besides! I hope you're feeling good. -- Marcy
I have IBS and crazy anxiety/depression. You are an inspiration. I'm so sorry you get down. :( You're amazing going through everything and still having a positive outlook! I pretty much have panic attacks every day..
I think you are really brave and this was really helpful. I am going through anxiety also. I find myself crying for many reasons or for no reason at all. I'm glad that you have this video out I can relate to what you are going through. It's tough coming out of surgery and accepting the new you. I was so focused at the hospital on just being well enough to come home to my children and as soon as I was home I realized that I didn't really think about my surgery. It hit me and I had an anxiety attack. It was the worst feeling ever. I'm emotionally unstable right now but I admire your videos that I know will help me in the days to come.
I haven't checked on your videos in a while. I am 8 weeks in to having an ileostomy after partial colectomy from colon cancer and an hysterectomy as a precaution. At the beginning of my diagnosis I found your videos on RU-vid and I can't tell you how much they helped me get ready for the surgery and what to expect once it was done. I was so sick from the radiation and chemo prior to surgery that all I could do was try to manage day to day. I will finish this on a second post.
Wow, I can relate so much to this. I had to drop from Nursing school a few years ago because I became so sick. I am now trying to get back in, as I'll soon be getting an ostomy. Meet with surgeon next month. I'm 24 and have been fighting Crohn's since I was 15-16. I've been watching some of your vids (not all yet!) and follow your page on FB. I've come to grips with the surgery, but I'm scared.
OMG thanks for sharing this video. It's the first time I've ever heard someone else clearly explain what I experience as well! I don't let it stop me I've tried to just accept those flashbacks and thoughts as part of my life. I often think I need to relive it to remind myself I've gotten through it and could do it again if need be. I'm sorry you're experiencing this as well. I hope you are in a better situation 5 years later now.
Laura, I had a colostomy for 3 yrs and when they realized they had left a sponge, they gave me a chance at a semi normal life. I had gone 3 weeks without having a bm. They kept sending me home with more meds. I think they thought I was a Rx seeker. I was in the hospital 4 x's last yr with obstructions. All worked out with no surgery. U are awesome. It would be nice to have a support group, which they don't have in Bakersfield. Best wishes and I will be praying for u too! :)
I'm glad you uploaded this, thanks. It isn't a depressing video at all, I think it's an important subject and relevant to any illness that stops a person taking tomorrow for granted and makes them fearful about planning anything for the future. I found this RU-vid video inspiring: "TEDxBoulder - Shannon Paige - Mindfulness and Healing". The illness is different but there's a similar theme.
It's scary for me to think I won't finish this practicum like I couldn't finish my last one due to my health. I do struggle with this but hate to mention it to my family because I feel like they see it as "we've won" by having the surgeries. I try to remember this too, but the best advice came from my surgeon (who is always just blunt). He said, "live your life...normal. We did all this to give you your life back." I've heard you say it so many times that this disease can seem to take things
I hope you can accomplish everything you aim for without your disease affecting the outcome. Since getting my ostomy last month, I've noticed how devastating my illness is to my mental state. While my pains are mostly gone, I don't set any goals or have any positive expectations for ANYTHING, because I always feel the disease will take it away. Making a meal is now an accomplishment. I couldn't imagine finishing a more lofty goal. It's like walking alone in a dark alley. I never feel safe.
As always thank you for sharing with your honesty. I can totally relate to the PTSD type flashbacks. It's crazy what can trigger those thoughts, even just a cup of jello (which is what I lived off of in the hospital for months). I catch myself relating every story to when I was in the hospital or after surgery this and that. It frustrates me that I can't move on and find myself continuously mentioning it. I'm in Graduate School getting my Master's in Education and am working in my practicum now
Sorry to hear Laura. I hope you can complete all those things you wish to complete. Never think negative and try to stay positive. I know, easier said than done, but you have come a long way and stay the course! God bless and stay well. :)
Hugs, Laura. I really like that you show that you are sad but in the end, you still fight. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO OTHER PEOPLE including me, always remember that.
(cont from previous comment) ..have done this in spite of my health, is always astonishing to people. I wanted to first give you a tiny background, then tell you that I cried watching this video, as I could be saying the same, particularly right now, when my health is rock bottom. I am going to make my husband watch this, as you have summed it up. I'm sorry I can't tell you the answer, but want to thank you for your honesty & wish you well.
Laura, keep your chin up! Yes, that is easier said than done. I constantly feel what you are feeling now. I always think that these bad days will forever be apart of my life. It worries me knowing I'm stuck with this forever. But then I realize all I have accomplished with this condition and I cheer up. Keep the light in you lit (:
From us but it also GIVES us so much and we need to try and appreciate it what it gives us while we can. Something I think we all know is everything happens for a reason and we need to be thankful for all that we have. So try to enjoy this journey until the next pit stop comes along. Prayers always and lots of love & support! (Sorry this was so long)
I feel your pain and I wish that could take yours away. I have had my colostomy since 1/13 when I got bit by something and ended up with flesh eating bacteria. The anxiety, depression and fear do get the best of us at times but having this outlet helps me and I'm sure it helps a lot of other people. My prayers are with you.
Wish we could be there to cheer you on just like you cheer on so many others and try to help even though you suffer yourself, you bring so many people hope I hope that at least gives you some comfort on days like these. When I have major letdowns in my life I always turn to music. It helps me settle down and focus on beauty and being just there for a minute or two to realize that it's just anxiety or panic attack, stay strong, you can do it! One small victory is still a victory!
I remember those days! I was diagnosed with UC and subsequent ileostomy in 2004. I remember all these bad days etc. As you say - you're not alone, there's plenty of people who suffer the same. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to be eligible for the pouch - but I can still remember those days. Keep up the videos as they are an inspiration to others and proves that life is normal with an ileostomy!
Hey! You're such an inspiration to so many. I love your honesty with your disease. We all hit road blocks & it's okay to be scared at times. You're so beautiful inside & out. Please think positive & think of how far you have come. You are beyond amazing & the fact that you care so much about others humbles me. You have everyone supporting you in every way. It's okay to cry. We have have crappy days or weeks. Just know that you are very much loved.
Continued... Now I am in a holding pattern and the depression creeps up on me when I am not looking. I will be feeling really good...almost forgetting about how sick I have been and then it hits me in the side of head. You have been a source of strength for anyone going though any kind of surgery that is life altering. It is ok to feel like this. So glad you are seeing a therapist to talk about your feelings, fears, and hopes. Please take care of yourself first we will be praying for you.
Hi, first off, you're incredibly amazing and so honest! Thank you for that!!! I'm curious as to what your life was like before your surgery. You said you have UC and mentioned that you've pooped your pants before. How bad was this before you had your surgery? Did you have a lot of anxiety about that?
In the same place as you - doing well for long enough that I finally made it to grad school. I loved my program, school, new friends - everything was great. Then halfway through second semester, my Crohn's flared up worse then ever: two fistulas, an abscess, and a failed j-pouch. I'm on medial leave from my university right now, as wait for my permanent ileo surgery. My health prevented me from living my life and going to grad school for so long and it's been so hard watching it fall apart.
Hello Laura just discovered your channel, i have Crohn's disease and have had it since i was 15 i'm now 32. I've been really lucky so far and have not had to have any ostomy i escaped with just surgery and had 50cm of intestine removed. but i am constantly tired. i have been in the same emotional place as you, all you can do is keep going and don't let it get you down. Take care and i hope it calms down..
Yeah I don't have too much other than my 6 hour surgery where I was out two days.... In the cardiac care unit a week. Clinical appointments and a few times in the ED but I know what you mean. I still can't work out too hard otherwise I feel sick.... Thanks for the channel even though my illness is different... We still have some of the same issues mentally and emotionally. I had "corrective" surgery for a transitional atrioventricular septal defect... And no I don't have Down syndrome :)
Hi Laura, I'm a fellow ostomate; and just wanted to say you're not alone. I can totally relate to your struggle. Have dealt with Crohn's since 1999.. But only recently had Colostomy surgery, so I'm a newbie in that regard.. Anyway I'd love to befriend you. My name is Sam btw. Hope you see this ☺
The thing you need to remember is that we put ourselves in a war mode. It's like people in the military. We are so determined to stay alive and fight to stay alive that when ever you have a moment of break, it takes time for our mind to adjust to the peace that we have at the moment. Your one person but you have done so much for so many people already. You just need to remember to at times even in the hardest points in your life, take time to just relax and enjoy what's around you.
Laura, espero que lo puedas traducir, no hablo perfecto el inglés, así que prefiero escribirte en español. Desde la primera vez que vi un video tuyo me pareció que eres una mujer sorprendente. El mostrarte en este video con sinceridad de acuerdo a lo que has vivido y estás sintiendo, me parece además de una persona sumamente honesta.
I have flashbacks sooo many times a day. something someone says, a smell, or something I do can trigger a memory that I don't want to remember because I get depressed. I almost started crying in my 5th period a week ago because I was scared of the future. If you ever need to talk text me.:) I'd be happy to exchange stories. -Rachel
Por favor, nunca pienses que dejas algo inconcluso. A cada minuto estás iluminando la vida de muchas personas que se ven entusiasmadas a seguir adelante, gracias a tus vídeos. El mostrarte como en este último video, les ayudara a saber que estar triste es también parte de cualquier enfermedad crónica y que no está mal, es simplemente un momento para volver a tomar fuerzas y seguir adelante.
Check out meditation Laura (I do mindfulness of breathing and just general mindfulness) It helped so much with my anxiety and depression, I haven't had it in like 6 months. Also thank you so much for your videos - In my job I care for a couple of guys who have colostomy bags, and your videos have helped me SO MUCH to get a perspective on them and their mentalities. But hang in there Laura, you're such an awesome chick, you'll get there :)
Laura, for what it's worth, I know that I'm not alone in saying that your channel is one of the more inspiring ones on youtube. I genuinely feel happy whenever you update.
Hello Laura. Just discovered your channel. I have extra-colonic Crohn's Disease and have been suffering with it for over 15 years now, having had dozens of surgeries and treatments and medications and all one could imagine. I can utterly empathize with you and while I imagine you have your support network around you, I just wanted to extend an invitation to feel free to PM me if you need someone to chat to about all this. Stay strong and hang in there :)
