No absolutely not. Do not meet with him. He abandoned you when you wanted and needed him, he cause you to almost die. He doesn’t deserve the privilege to be a part of your life. And if you do meet him for some reason, make it absolutely clear how his actions hurt you and your family and that the reason he is not your son is his decision, no one else is to blame but himself.
The kid made a decision, life altering decision at 12 years old. He’s now double the age he was when he made that decision and regrets it. There’s a manner of executing this in a fashion that says, “f around, find out” but also from a father. Means more than you’d think.
@@ericwiley3963He had plenty of time to try and fix things after becoming an adult. The only reason he's coming around now is because his mother died, and he wants a hand out.
He’s a 26 year old man. He wants back in with you because his mother died and more than likely all the funds for his lifestyle with her. You and your family are happy. Do what’s best for you to be an amazing Dad to those 2 little ones (and u’re incredibly brave adoptive son too).
See, maybe he shouldn't have let the kid choose at 12 all that. But here's the other side, its been 14 years, and not ONCE in those years has the bio son reached out, only NOW. He doesn't get to walk in now at 26, if he wanted his bio dad, he wouldn't have waited for his mom to die before finally talking to him.
Kids that young choose which pair they’re gonna live with all the time and they can make the decision if they want to see the parent or not in certain states
Yes. You can show him that actions have consequences, and consequences are permanent. You can show him that the last 14 years of him not contacting you was his own fault, not yours
Well, it was about that time I begin to get suspicious. I said, "Chef, my boy, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Boo-Boo the dinosaur wants it." So I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was that damn Loch Ness Monster!
No bs I couldn’t imagine telling my own father to give up his parental rights and not be my dad, that kid doesn’t give a fuck and now the moms gone he expects his dad to just be there? Bro you didn’t even want him as your father, kid or not you don’t just tell your parent “oh yeah basically fuck off I don’t want you as my parent” and just expect them to be cool. Also dude was 26 had plenty of time to contact his dad.
Why is he coming to you now? Financial support? It would be up to you, but I would meet with him in a public place with my lawyer to hear him out just for closure and clarification. Then explain to Sister that while she thought it was a good idea to "bring the family together", it wasn't with your consent and go no contact for a long while. You need time to heal, and that was back handed.
Nope, no way, fuck that. The kid made his choice, now he can deal with the consequences of said choice. On top of that tell your sister if she doesn't keep giving out your info you'll cut ties with her too. She has no right to share your info with someone she already knows you want nothing to do with.
OMG if you , me, or anyone else is judged based on what we did when we were 12 the world would be totally different. Of course the kid did something really bad but we don’t know the situation it’s the mom and what lies he was fed. I came across a story a couple of days ago go of a girl that was told her father abandon her and her sibling and a bunch other things and later on she found out her dad ended up loosing everything trying to fight for custody or at least being able to see them but the mother was so Lucy a horrible monster that lied to them and made them and their dad suffer. So for all we know the ex could have poisoned the sun and to be honest 12 is too many ping to make a decision like that and could have been easily manipulated by the POS of the mother.
@@Crisfer05 The problem with what your saying is that he was an adult for 8 years he could have got in contact anytime. But NO his bio father wasn't good enough until there was literally no one left. That kid has NO right to expect him to just suddenly be able to turn up and play family after so many years. Was he a kid yes but he has been an adult for far to long. of course the mother most likely lied to him but the bio father asked him if he really wanted him gone and he said yes. my best bet was now the mother is gone that new Father just up and left. why should OP have to relive his past pain just because that might I add 26 YEAR OLD finally decides he is good enough. You dear sir are wrong you can be judged at 12 and you certainly can be judged at 26
A child will choose a person who will give them the world I believe that for 26 years he was spoiled and didn’t have to work a day in his life which tells me when he lost the blood bag that was his mother the mosquito of son wants to try and get you too that man is a 26 year old failure
Nothing good will come of it his mom probably spoiled him rotten and now that she's passed away he has no money and is turning to him for financial problems
The response you gave to her passing was OK then he hung up. Now that’s a legendary that’s exactly how I would respond too. I don’t care about any of my exs.
Bro should have thought of that when he became an adult :/ dude had 8 years to think “ hmm… I should call my father he probably misses me loads “ but no he didn’t only when his mother died
I would personally give him a chance and hear him out but I can’t fault op for choosing not to do so. Ops therapist is right, op is free to make that choice.
If you did meet him, which I don’t recommend, I would tell him that if you don’t like what he says, you will get a restraining order and never see him again.
F@ck that. He made his bed. Now he gets to sleep in it. Cut off the sister for DARING to use your late mother as an excuse for reconciliation. If she can't see how taking in that faithless pretender would affect you, then she has already been fooled by his schemes. You don't need that kind of bullsh¡t in your life after just having rebuilt it.
Short answer: No Mean answer: F;:)& NO! Long answer: Awwwww he double hokey sticks Noooooooooo He deserves none of your attention or affection anymore. He lost every dang chance he had.
No, he made his choice when you asked him about you not being his father anymore, you should not jeopardize your life and your future for someone who abandoned you
I think a talk to at least get the story cleared would be a good idea, if the kid was told by his mom and her boyfriend that the dad was doing horrible things and is a horrible person or that he was the one who cheated and broke apart their family it would make more sense
@@txcaviTrue if he had Questions then THAT was the time to ask them. He would have been in Court over the parental alienation case, giving his testimony. That says Dad wants to be his father & is fighting for it. My guess is the Boyfriend was richer & the kid figured he was better off than with his broken Dad coping with a divor¢e. He doesn't get a second bite of the cherry. Choices have consequences. Let him go to his adopted father. They all cut OP out years ago. Bringing up the old wounds just opens scar tissue in this Case. It doesn't heal.
There’s nothing good that can come of it that i know of but there’s not really anything bad about it either he’s over 20 years old he has no right to demand anything and he probably knows it so it would just be a waste of his time if he had anything malicious about
You don't owe him anything. He saw to that. But, maybe meeting with him could get you some amount of closure. Some answers, if you wanted them. Bottom line, if you do decide to meet with him, don't do it for his benefit. Do it for yours
no nothing good but there might of been a different reason that he said he didn't want to be your son so talk with him for 20m just don't let him back into your life it's mostly likely that they told him lie's about what you did or said.
This post was made nearly a decade and a half after the son said he didn’t want his dad in his life. Of course he talks about him like that, he almost died because of him saying that.
No nothing not a single thing You may also experience revenge from that child and your sister I know these types they are useless and only want money or things from you now tell your sister the full story again it may help I could be wrong hot to fix it by the way
in my opinion if he shows up again ask to speak somewhere public like a mcdonalds, let him say what he has to then let him down and tell him you have no interest in maintaining a relationship, and go your separate ways
Choses have consequences! HE CHOSE THE OTHER MAN OVER YOU! HIS CONSEQUENCES ARE YOU NOT WANTING HIM AROUND! IT WOULD BE IN YOUR BEST INTERESTS TO "NO CONTACT" YOUR SISTER FOR HER ACTIONS ~ SHE CHOSE AGAINST YOU AND DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!
All people are capable of redemption. I want to play devils advocate and at least talk to the kid. Only then you’ll know for sure if his intentions are pure.
Sorry but it don't work like champ. The boy made his decision the day he wanted his ma's boyfriend as his dad, now he gets to live with it and without his bio dad
@kajjak7001 He was 12. A kid. Maybe he got manipulated into believing his father didn't love him. Wouldn't be the first ex who used their kids to harm the ex hubby
@@AlexandraVioletta He WAS 12 and now he is 26. Op even said that he had 8 years as an adult to just contact him but only appears when his ex-wife dies and he needs something.
Give him the ability to make peace but promise him nothing. He’s 26 he may look at the world differently now. He isn’t your son but has a right to confront his past.
Is there anything good from talking to your ex-son? Sadistic satisfaction from listening to how alone he is and how much he needs you and turning your back on him in a sharper way.
Maybe you can get closure from it speak with him see why did he do it and after all that, if you don’t wanna forgive him, you don’t have to just get closure for yourself
Idk. I told my mom I wanted nothing to do with her when I was 12. She had abandoned me and my siblings (babies at the time) for drugs and men on several occasions. She never had custody of me as I was born with drugs in my system. She was volatile and mean sometimes when she was in between benders. It was hell being around her but I stuck around to protect my siblings. I’m 24 now and she’s been sober for almost four years. She has both of my siblings and they’re happy healthy and doing great. Our relationship is definitely weird, she’ll never be my “mom” because she never filled that role in my life, but I love her. I go to her with most of my problems and I trust her with mine and my siblings’ lives. All this to say, people change. Things change. That boy could have been fed lies about his father, he could view his father as the monster who hurt (emotionally) his mother. He could have had a million things going on in his head that led him to say he didn’t want to be his son anymore. I think turning him away without even considering hearing him out over something he said when he was 12 is more than a little too far. I agree that his mother would’ve wanted them to at least talk it out. Not right of the sister to give out his information like that but still. He should have talked to him.
The issue is that he had no problem from 18-26 living without OP, and then and ONLY when his mother passed did he want to talk. Like OP said, he had to stop caring about him to survive; and he is perfectly within his right to continue to. There's no point talking to him and bringing a ton of drama and possibly restarting all the progress OP has made in terms of emotional well-being. Also, 90% sure I remember seeing an update where he did talk to the son and it turned out all he wanted was money since the step-dad stopped giving him any once OP's ex died.
@@atlasbread as someone who’s worked in a nursing home, death bed confessions are definitely a thing that happens all the time and I wouldn’t be surprised if his mother had him fully believe that his father was a bad person/father/whatever and told him only as she was dying that he needed to go see his father. If it would really destroy his mental health to even talk to his son then it’s whatever he can do what’s best for him. But holding a 26 year old responsible for something his mother made him do at 12 is just a lot to me. If my mom had told me that I wasn’t her daughter anymore because of what I said to her when I was hurt abandoned and abused, I’d be devastated. And I said much much worse things
@riverbobbielove3722 as someone who grew up in a household with an abusive dad and an ever loving and mentally unwell mother, i was told by my dad all the time about how bad my mother was after he left her and i was forced to go with him. Every time i would talk about how much i missed her, he would run her name through the ground. I was 11, and even at that point, i knew who the problem was, and it sure wasn't my mentally unwell mother. I fought tooth and nail to see my mother and i had never been one to stand up for anything else and the second i got a chance to move back with my mother, i did. While we may be creatures of our environments, we are still capable of making our own choices and thoughts, even as children. When i became an adult, i cut off all contact with majority of my family including my dad. That man's firstborn child made his choice when he treated his father so coldly. He had plenty of time where he could have contacted his father but he didnt and his father now has moved on and cut that toxic part of his life out
@@riverbobbielove3722that’s all speculation. Dude was 12(pretty sure kids at 12 have a grasp of things already in this world) and had everything layed out and explained, and clearly made the choice. Even if the mom was feeding him lies, as another comment said, from 18-26 he didn’t once contact him. If he really wanted to know if his dad was a monster he could’ve contacted him. And did you gloss over dude literally broke down cus of that kid? And had to witness his mom cry for him on her death bed? He’s lucky he didn’t get cussed out on the front porch.
The logical answer is no, but the moral answer is yes. You could be considered an honorable hero for forgiving and helping him but no one will blame you if you refused.
What they skipped in the first part is that the kid was like 8 when he made that decision. No child that young can be expectes to completely comprehend the situation or gravity of that kind of decision. All legal authorities involved in this situation should be ashamed.
Dad explained what what that meant, and kid said firmly he wanted it. And what was he doing the last 8yrs? Even if he didn’t comprehend it at the time he for sure had well enough time to reach out and make it right with op
And let’s be real. It’s been 14 years since he last saw that kid. All connection he had to him was basically gone and replaced by a dark period of bis life where he became deeply depressed and an alcoholic where he basically drank too much passed out and was choking on his vomit when a neighbor or someone passed by and BARELY noticed him convulsing. He BARELY made it out of that place alive because of the pain he experienced. He absolutely gets to say if he doesn’t want to go back to that point in time of his life where he was so broken it almost killed him. Then after that his mother passed and while she was she was crying for that child on her death bed and his ex still didn’t bother to keep in touch and bring him by for that? He can keep his “happy” life with what he chose and what he has left. His mothers boyfriend. Let the poor guy get on with his life. He feels like he finally caught a break he doesn’t have to throw that into chaos because this now grown man feels like it now. After, again, 14 years of silence and alienation. Leave him be. Let the now man do some growing up
While i get your point of veiw people make mistakes by your admission you went from unlovable to a incredible family you were given that second chance. Give him it keep him at a distance at first. Make sure he wont harm your family but give him that chance to prove hes not the same stupid kind
He was 12 & his mom just died. He may come to the realization of what he did and how bad he messed up. You could have a conversation even over the phone to figure out why and what he wants.
blud am 12 and am smart you know thats a sith and sevnth grader age ik i misspelled dont try to defend the child and thats also assuming am dumb since am 12 like blud also he cant solve 1milllion times a milllion dont pretend he didnt know what he was doing i was even more self concious then that when i was like 8 to 9 💀💀💀
@@CarsonLabeau-uv6hb you're not smart, your literally 12 kid. you're immature and you absolutely are prone to being manipulated especially by another parent/guardian.
@@Dr_ProcrastinatorAnd he had plenty of time to make things right. He was a fully grown adult for 8 years and had all the time in the world to make amends. And 12 years old is old enough to know when you are hurting someone.
Unfortunately most kids in separated households are easily swayed, he’s still your son everyone has done something they regret, the hard part with children especially in separated households is they develop hard opinions from all the shit talk from the mother or father, once they’re grown and matured they re-evaluate their decisions, talk with him don’t pay for anything, just talk and hopefully try to involve him in your life, express how much it hurt you, how you nearly died from his decisions and how much it took to heal from the situation him and his mother put you in and how he can’t expect things to go right back to happy healthy father son relationship. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine the horrible things his mother must’ve said to convince him that you are not worth keeping in his life.
@@fahadshahid5185 I agree. Even if he was manipulated at that age by 18 years old he couldn't have been that blind. It's just that now he has lost a parent that he realises how special and important they are in life. He has been a man since he was 20 years old he should have done the right thing then if he wanted to. Right now he just came coz he probably has no one.
@@yutopis1653 Wow, what a way to be rude. Was that really necessary? Do you think being rude makes you have importance? Does it make you feel empowered?
Nope. He's 26. He had plenty of time after becoming an adult to reach out. He's only reaching out now because he doesn't have his mom to rely on, and he thinks his dad owes it to him.
You are acting like children aren't intelligent because most people don't even bat an eye at how children feel doesn't mean that they can't be mature enough to understand what he said plus he was 26 he had enough time.before hand
I'm usually all for giving kids a second chance, but seriously - this boy had 14 years - his whole life with his dad plus two years - before he ever thought to reach out and try to contact him.
