I told them something horrible  

Let them sit in the reality of their words. Also tell the husband to do his job and teach the children respect.

Not wrong. You simply put their "you are not my mom" statement into actions and gave them a taste of what not having your participation in their lives looks like. I guess it did not go down well 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I am a huge practitioner of "give them what they ask for then sit back and see what they do with all that power"

That’s teaching them that words have consequences. She’s still calling them her children during this whole ordeal which shows that she loves them like her own.

"YoUrE nOt EvEn My ReAl MoM" okay, im not your mom. No more motherly treatment. "dO yOuR jOb" um, not my kids, not my problem.

After reading a few comments I agree with the ones that claim that the father should have stepped up and said something to his kids about how they treat her. Plus she should stand her ground until they apologize for speaking to her that way.❤

It's so convenient for their father to have a woman who cares about his children and shame her and push her to "do her job". Tf man?! At least he has to talk to his children and make them apologize! It is not only her job to deal with kids!

As they’re 16 years old, you were right for doing so. Not only you showed them how much of a mother you actually were before, you also taught them about the effect their words can make. The real A-hole is the husband, who tolerates his children bullying the woman, who treated them as if they were hers.

You are not someone's parent only when it's to their benefit. That includes not only the children but also their father.

Not at all, they said you weren't their mom and to not act like it so you didn't. Its what they asked for Edit holy crap 1k Likes im famous lol

Tell dad to do his job.

I read the OG post. Daughter also made comments about being happy that OP lost her baby, which is just downright awful and cruel :(

I need the update because damn she sacrificed her life for some ungrateful people. She doesn't deserve to be treated less than.

Yes, it was harsh, but I feel like I'd react like this as well. At least for a day or two. "You said it, I'm not your dad. Unless your real dad chooses to care about you, I guess I'm just the next best thing."

Husband is an AH for not having your back with the lesson you are trying to teach.

I worked with a woman who raised a man's children and he asked for a divorce the day the youngest left for college. He told her he didn't need her anymore and he never loved her.

I remember saying that stupid shit to my stepmom when I was eight or nine she came in the room slapped the shit out of me like the little bitch I was and told me it doesn’t matter if I am I’m here now, and after that day, I praised her like the mother she deserved to be because she didn’t have to help me or my family. She is my mother and I love her to death, and I regret that every single day. Now I have a son and he loves her so so much that he always calls her name and says where is she and wants to spend time with her every single day thank God I have her.

Nope. Not too harsh. They are old enough to learn the lesson you taught them. You ARE their mom, but they don't get to pick and choose when that's convenient for them. They'll come around, hold your ground. Good job!! Dad should support you on this btw.

Keep doing what you are doing. Those brats need a big wake up call. And tell your husband that he can perform those duties if he wants but you won’t until you get some respect.

The husband saying “do your job” sent me one the edge 🤬

I think I would reconsider this whole marriage

Lady treat them the same way they treat you.

Respect goes both ways

They set boundaries and you KEPT THEM. ... AS YOU SHOULD!!! THEY NEED TO KNOW THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ACTIONS.

How sad that the father never found it in him to step in your shoes to see how you felt about what was said towards you. Those hurt especially since you put your whole heart and life and energy to loving them and actually truly loving them without having to love them bc you love their dad. They’re ungrateful pos and should feel how they made you feel.

If your husband won’t support you against these ungrateful brats, divorce him and take him for all you can get. What do they all think you are, a housekeeper with benefits? Their disrespect is mind blowing.

If you want your SM to act like your mom you need to treat her like your mom Otherwise dont excpet anything from her

If the father told me to "do my job", I would tell him I will and I would file for divorce! My job is to make sure I take care of myself and no one is going to do it as well as I will.

You are right. Children need to understand who takes care of and love them.

job.....?HE THINKS YOU BEING A MOTHER IS A JOB! that man's a red flag and they are the ones who said that your not their mom so why do they want you as their mom now? You did the right thing

Careful what you ask for, you might actually get it, they said you are not their mother, then so be it, they also need to take responsibility for what they do and say.

Let them know that an apology is expected before motherly duties restart.

Not wrong. Perfect response, and from another father your husband is absolutely wrong!

You did the right thing. They should respect you. Your husband should support you and have a stern word with the kids and tell them she is the closest thing to a mum they will ever have and are lucky

i would've responded with 'yeah but your own mother didn't want you, and after this idk if i want you either' and basked in the tears of the little gremlins

NTAH they were practically asking for the silent treatment, trust me 😂

NTA. Dad should step up and do HIS JOB

I’m so sorry, that must have hurt you a lot.

Extremely correct response according to their own words.

You did right. They live in your house, so they need to respect you, or they can go.

In these situations, the children get to decide how to define the relationship. What they don't get to do is choose the consequences of how they define it. If they don't want OP to be their mother, they don't get to demand motherly affection and actions.

No. Kids were cruel af. Better they realize now words can hurt and when they set a boundry you'll respect it. They told you to stop acting like their parent. Ok. Done. NTA. These are TEENS they SHOULD already know better.

No funny. Actions justified. Your husband needs a reality check. Hold your ground. You can't be mom only when it fits their agenda.

Stand up for yourself, you can't let them disrespect you whether their bio mom or not. You love them and didn't deserve that.

Keep doing what your doing until they apologize

Nope. "Do your job"? Are you getting paid? Not too harsh. You were not acting like their mom. Did anybody give you an apology? Dad included.

They also made fun of her for having a miscarriage

They don't like getting a taste of their own medicine...funny how that happens.

You are right, you are not their mom. What you are is their guide. Since you are married to their father, you are their moral ethical guide. It is up to you to help them learn to be moral, ethical, decent human beings that have integrity. If they can’t stand that, that’s on them.

Oh, I'm not your mother, but you still expect me to do all the things a mother does? Welp, that ends today. Go see your real mother for those things. Good luck.

Keep doing that. Youre not their mom and they dont see you as one either. They just want the benefits that come from a mom but will discard you the moment it conveniences them

NTA. The dad needs to check his kids because step mom isn't obligated to do motherly duties since she's not their mom. This lady raised them out of the kindness of her heart. Appreciate it!

She's doing her job as a mom by teaching and reinforcing empathy. They hurt her and they need to understand that and realize their mistakes, the father needs to back her up on this.

This shit is HEAVILY altered, the kids were even more horrible saying that it's a good thing she lost a baby in miscarriage... FULL STORY. My husband (40M) and I (36F) have been together for 8 years now and our marriage have been rocky. When I met him he had twins, boy and girl. I love them like their my children, since it's hard for me to have kids they are mines. My husband and I tried for a baby last year and I became pregnant but had a miscarriage but I think I'm just not meant to be a new mommy. The kids are 16! The husband kids haven't seen their mom in years because she left them for a guy in New York which is so sad because they didn't get to have a relationship with her. The twins call me mom and everything, we do everything like a little family I always wanted. When I was younger I always use to tell myself not to date a single father because theyight be messing with the mother of their kids but I took the leap of faith. The other day my son and daughter wanted to go to the mall with their friends, which was fine because they go to the mall a lot with them. The argument started because of what she was wearing, she wore and very short skirt with a crop top and a jeans jacket. I immediately told her no and to change her clothes because I didn't feel comfortable with her going out side like that, I don't even know where she got the skirt from because anything she gets from the mall she gives me a haul. Her brother didn't even care what she was wearing and just rolled his eyes at me. She was pissed and upset, at the top of the step she screamed and told me I wasn't her mom so I should stop acting like it, her brother laughed and that made me feel even worse so I asked him why it was funny to him and he said that it's true, I'm not their mom so I need to stop acting like I can tell them what to do. This felt like a slap in the face because I basically raised her and this is what I get? The past months they've been saying horrible things to me, my daughter even told me it was might fault I lost the baby and she's happy I did. But the next day I toughen up, I acted like nothing happened that day. I would usually wake them up for school and make them breakfast but this time I didn't, I made myself breakfast because like they said I'm not their mom. My son had a basketball game that day and I would be the mom to bring snacks for the team but I wasn't going, my daughter had a cheer competition 2 days after but I wasn't going and I know y'all might call me petty for this and I wouldn't disagree with you. I've been getting up and ignored everyone, I could feel them staring at me everytime. Last night my daughter came up to me and asked me why I didn't show up to her competition and I told her I wasn't her mom so why would I? I can already see the yta and I raised my husband kids and stuff. I told my husband what they said but he brushed me off. I don't think our marriage is working out and I've been thinking about a divorce. I feel unappreciative in the place I call home, when I slave in the kitchen to make them food they order out instead so I am the only one eating the food. Was that too harsh?

Okay first of all your job ?!WHAT!!! Second, no, your husband needs to teaching his kids that they need to respect you. And all that you do for them or you're not going to be doing it. teenagers are going to say hurtful things but they also need to learn, he on the other hand should know better !!

Wow.. husband of the year. Kids disrespect her, he tells her to stop being petty and do “her job”… 🤦🏼‍♀️

I got a step mom at 8, I lived with my Dad most of growing up so when i first met her i was happy to have a mom, a new friend. I remember constantly trying to get her to like me, doing everything she said. When i was 12 I remember trying to help her cook, i kept talking about school and my friends, wasnt paying attention and i broke an antique glass vase on the counter. I remember her yelling, crying, she said "Im not your friend and im not your mom!" Out of every petty messed up thing she has ever done that is still the most bitter heartbreaking in my memory.

OP did exactly what she should have. tell your husband they told you that you arent their mom and not to act like it so that job is no longer yours. tell him they are your kids you deal with them and you take care of them im off the clock forever.

Nope. They’re 16. They should have been taught a long time ago that what they say and do has consequences. You’re just giving them a taste of their own medicine.

You are on the right track. You're doing great! Hubby needs to step up instead of leaving it all to his wife. Shame on dad!

"Why didn't you come to my competition/game?" "Although I absolutely adore you and your brother, you told me to stop acting like your mom, and I wanted to respect your boundaries, no matter how much it hurt. Why do you ask? Did you have a change of heart?"

Never never never never never never never never never never never get involved with anyone who has children from a prior relationship. I don't care how compassionate you are. Don't do it. Let the parents with the children do it on their own. It is not your responsibility to parent.

Divorce him and forgot those little punks

You did the right thing, you showed them what you do that they take advantage of, you go girl.

stepmom handled it like a BOSS!!!!

Children are childish, teach them a lesson but eventually forgive them.

My mom tried something similar on my sister and me when we where teens but it backfired on her. Lol. It was about house work. She decided that we needed to do all our own laundry, cleaning up after ourselves etc. What she forget was up until that point because she and our step father worked full time we did the majority of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry for a family of 5 so it was a relief to just do it for ourselves. I think it lasted maybe a month before we had to go back to doing all the daily chores again. 2 to 3 loads of laundry a day, all the dishes for breakfast and dinner, cooking dinner 5 days a week, straighting up the house and watching our much younger sister. Gotta be careful what you ask for sometimes.

UR 100% right. Actions are followed by consequences - welcome to real world

The sooner kids learn that actions and words have consequences the better.

Your response was perfect. Being a step parent can be a constant uphill battle. Kids are like this towards their biological parents too. My mom died when I was 5. My dad remarried when I was 12. I acted the way described. It took me becoming an adult to realize I was wrong. I am now a step mom and my past has helped me navigate my relationship with my bonus daughter. Your husband’s response is a different story though.

OP NTA. Since they say you're not their mom. Then you have no obligation to help them.

"Actions have consequinses?!?!?! Damn that's crazy" -the father

I love how God Ming knows when to be quiet. It felt like he knew things would work out but he had to trust the process through the night.

You were totally right. They don't get to have it both ways. There's no picking & choosing when they want you to be their mom. As for your husband, it is NOT your job to raise someone else's children. You were being their mom until they said you weren't. He should be pissed off at his kids for saying that. Until the attitudes change & sincere apologies are given & accepted, all "Mom" duties should cease.

A dose of reality IF they are going to act that way❤

That was THE perfect response good job

You were right and should not be disrespected.

Hell no. They want to act like brats then treat em like brats

There's a lesson here that needs to be learned. Of course, he's going to side with his children but an apology is owed. Continuing to support them in this instant is enabling them and robbing yourself of respect. They've crossed a line, and pushback is to be expected.

Step kids need to see your side. Not wrong. Maybe dad needs a wake up call too.

I agree with what you did, just to show them the motherly stuff you do for them and just because they don’t agree with one thing doesn’t mean it’s not gonna happen. The dad should definitely be on your side and speak to his kids

No I think that was the perfect response to the situation

Nope, not the jerk. Let them learn that words can be hurtful. It will be a harsh lesson, but one they hopefully will not forget anytime soon.

I'm sorry about your experience . Your sincerity responded with insults and disrespect. The reality is their behavior is just the beginning, there's more coming your way. Save yourself from more heartaches . Detach yourself , be indifferent. Once they are 18 , they are out of house and on to college anyway . Endure 2 more years.

Will they reminded you that You're not their mom!!! So you owe them NOTHING!!!!

What goes around, comes around. They should learn this lesson asap.

Respect goes both ways!

Her response was appropriate

Her response was right on the money

You're absolutely right !

It may have been harsh but they will never learn to respect you as their parent if you never put your foot down. And for them to blatantly disrespect someone who, not only raised them with love but was just looking out for their well-being, is beyond rude

Yep. Let them come to you for what relationship they want because it can't be both ways. They are old enough to know better. I was very bad at 16 to my mother and now she died at 85 last year and I really miss her 😢❤

You were right, you've put them first like a mother, you deserve respect from them and your husband, his response was wrong in every way.

Mom was on target. She loves those kids and wants them to have a good future. And for her step daughter to not look like a tramp or an EZ lay. Thats real love and the sign of a good parent.

You are not obligated to be a mother to them, that's from kindness and isn't to be taken for granted. Nta

Sounds like she handled it perfectly.

If they want you to act like their mom then they gotta respect you like their mom

All comes down to one word respect. If they don’t respect you don’t bother raising them

The thing about being a mom is that moms will always be moms no matter what. That is what makes a mom. If you see them, and raised, and loved them as yours, you are their mom wanting them or not. ❤❤❤

Yeah it sucks when you do everything and cannot even receive basic respect. I feel your pain and it is terrible. I have raised 3 plus my sisters kids. 4 out of 5 still talk to me. The boy I raised from diapers warms my heart everytime he calls. He doesn't even ask for money just advice and needs love. Guess I have done something right in life. One of them doesn't listen or even contact me she just wants money when I see her. So ya win some and lose some

I lived with a guy once that had his son living there as well. He tried the old thing of putting one against the other and it didn't work. He asked me could he do something I told him no, he went and asked his father, and his father said did you ask Pat? He said yes, father said what did she say? His son said she said no. His father told him then no it is. He was 10 years old, I sat him down a few days later and told him, I'm not your mother. I'm not trying to take the place of your mother, but I am the female head of the house. I will treat you like my own son, I will respect you, but you should show me the same amount of respect! I think we were closer than he was to his Dad. We broke up when he was about 17. He came to visit me quite often. Later I dated a man that had a son about his same age,, we used to do things together like go to the movies, amusement parks, and out to eat. Because he was like my son, I loved him that much!❤