I WANT TO GO HOME ~ Help Calm this Common Dementia Behavior Issue 

My almost sister-in-law was visiting my partner in the hospital when he looked at her and quietly murmured "home." She immediately broke into tears; it breaks your heart when they can only speak a few words, and then they so clearly say "home." A few months earlier I had a similar experience, he was sitting in front of the TV, and for the last month he spoke but made very little sense, but he made eye contact and said so clearly, "you deserve better than me." Jeepers! Talk about bringing you immediately to tears. He passed October 27, I'm torn between missing him, and knowing he is finally at peace.

My mother always wanted to go home. She was missing all her early family. We finally realized she wanted to go home (to heaven) where everyone was waiting for her.

When dementia patients ask to go home, tell them you will take them tomorrow. My friend did this with her Mum, who was in a care home, and it worked.

Thank you so much for this kind, compassionate look at this difficult subject. My mom is right in the middle of this phase, and asks me everyday to take her home, even though she is still in her own home. So challenging!!

I am beyond lucky to have found this video. I finally had to move my grandmother into a nursing home today and my feelings are all over the place and overwhelming. She kept asking when she can go home, and i just never knew what to say and was almost afraid of the question. Even when she did live alone at home up until today, with carers and nurses visiting throughout the day, she would often ask if she can go home. I will most defiantly use this and you are exceptionally kind. Dementia is a very cruel and challenging journey, and I’m terrified of growing old myself. Thank you once again, we are right in the middle of our journey I think, and we have been doing this for years so far. I regularly beat myself up for wishing my grandmother to pass away, but it’s purely to put her out of her misery as she’s 91, and to give the family some peace not having to always worry how she is, etc, and just know she has passed on with this awful dementia behind her. I never thought I’d wish someone dead. Thank you again I will be sure to subscribe and check out more of your videos. I am blessed to have found you on today of all days.

so grateful for you- we are (my sister and I) - dealing with my mom. She so desperately wants to go home. She is lost. 😢 we will try helping her find home in her heart. Thanks for the video.

Home is not a place it is a feeling. Your right! Thank you. I have been hearing this from my husband for the last 6 months at least once a week. He has been in a nursing facility for five years because of this illness. I respond by gently changing the subject and have never been comfortable with my answer to him until now. I’m a new subscriber and look forward to your channel.

Hi. My name is Carol and I live in the UK. I have just found you on RU-vid and thank goodness for your no nonsense insight into the person suffering from dementia. My 76yr old husband has suffered from Alzheimers and Varicose dementia for six years. I have been told he is now in the late stages and "I want to go home' is one of the many comments he often makes that I didn't know how to deal with. THANK YOU, I now know. I have always believed I need to enter his world in order to communicate and give him (and me) some mental peace but still cling on to the thought that he needs 'truths' . I am beginning to understand that all he actually needs are 'truths' that he can relate too in the world where he now takes comfort.

That's the most heartbreaking part of the whole thing I'm lucky because my mom likes it there

My mother who is turning 100 next week has been saying this for a long time now and I faced this again with tears today. I misinterpreted it and probably didn’t do the best job answering her. Thanks for the video. I am going to rewatch. I’ve subscribed.

About the time Daddy started wandering, he would talk about "going home", "needing to see about Mama and Daddy", etc. Mama remembers one time, when he was just so tired, along about sundown, when he said "Hon, let's just go home"... it broke her heart, because they *were* home. But home wasn't where his mind considered home anymore. It wasn't but a matter of weeks before he couldn't live at home anymore. Memory Care was such a blessing for us. He was in a homelike environment, but he couldn't wander and get hurt anymore.

My Mom is an assistant living and she constantly says she wants to go home so thank you so much!! Joann

Thank you, Vicki. This puts “I want to go home” in a different perspective. I wasn’t thinking of “home” as being a feeling, rather than an actual place. My mother was saying this repeatedly just when I was getting ready to leave after a visit to see her at the nursing home where she has been for about three weeks. Before this, I had her living with me in my home for 2 and 1/2 years, and she used to say it to me there as well. It’s horrible to hear her cry and say this. I appreciate having a new perception of what she may mean. Explaining all of the reasons for why she is in a nursing home just doesn’t cut it.

I had my 93 year old (stage 6) mom count up the age thing too and when she realized that her dad had died years she before she was beyond being consoled. She was mad that nobody had told her and sad. She ugly cried for a long time. That was a many hours disaster. So now I just say that I'm looking forward to meeting her mom and dad. I look forward to sharing recipes with her mom, etc. I tell her their flight got delayed and we will check in with them tomorrow to see when they will arrive. That works. She also thinks we are at the wrong house and is afraid to go to bed in a strangers house. I tell it's a bed and breakfast we are visiting and isn't it lovely?!! Also her parents will love it when they get here. She seems good with that.

We’re dealing with this now. Your video’s are very informative and graceful. Thankful for all the support. God bless you and yes this is a ministry.

You are so sweet and kind and knowledgeable. I learned so much listening to you . "I want to go home" is a feeling! I can use your help to help my husband with PDD. Feeling grateful because of you!

Your alphabetical approach is 200% brilliant! This way I can remember the key topics after I close you tube... thanks 1 000 000.

There was one time that my mother took off from a doctor appointment and ended up at our church. (I try to go every day.) Fortunately, I was there on that day. She said on another that she walked all the way “home” which wasn’t the physical home but at church. Hmmm.

I dread my mother requiring a skilled nursing facility because she loves her home so much she refuses to move to a one story in the same housing area (Leisure World). She says there's no way they're moving. So, I dread this!

Vielen vielen Dank. This is absolutely helpful. I have to watch all your videos. Please make some more.

Thank you so much for this. I was crying when you mentioined the reality orientation, because I've done this with my mom as well who continuously forgets her mom has passed and she asks me everyday, when am I going to see my mom? I want to go home. I need to get back to work. etc. It's very hard to be on top of my toes with whatever comes. Often I feel guilty like I just didn't handle things the right way, when all I want to do is hande things with love. I am an only child caring for my 81 yr. old mom with dimentia (middle stage). Just trying to do the best I can. Thank God for this channel. ❤

My mil constantly says i want to go home. At first we thought it was her home here, but gearing this, i believe she wants her childhood home. Her parents have been dead for 40 plus years, and shes constantly asking about them. So i believe she wants them and that home.

Thanks Vicki. This is exactly what I needed to hear and will share this with other family members. Much appreciation for helping caregivers journey through the difficult path of dementia/Alzheimer’s.

Oh my so glad I watched this current huge struggle

My mum has said a couple of times, well when I get better I can get back home, or I will wait until I get home then I will do this or that , she seems to think she’s in a place, she knows it’s not a hospital, but it’s a place that’s going to make her better and get rid of this “thing” she has...I do not have the heart to tell her the truth xxx

Love you Vicky! So thankful for God leading me here to find you! ❤️ My sil is in a locked unit but she wants to ‘go home’. She wants to go ‘to your house’ to ‘momma’s house’ ‘my sister’s house’.... anywhere. She just wants to go. She has also started complaining of feeling like she is having a panic attack and ‘I just need to go outside’. If the weather is pretty and it’s not 2am... the nurses will let her go outside in the courtyard. I’ve wondered if the part of her brain that controls her breathing is being affected? Do they know that they can’t breathe when that happens? I sure do hate this awful disease.💔

Thanks I love your smile and southern comfort. My Mom had a crisis and had to be flown out of state to my home. She feels something is very wrong at “home” but doesn’t know what to do. She is a dear person it breaks my heart to see her hurting and sonlist. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 10 years ago.

I think we need you to come speak with some of our people. I could certainly use help. I would love to have you come into a workshop at our facility. They don't give us enough training working with memory care. I'm seeking it out on my own. There's quite a few that sing everyday about going home or try to escape

This was very helpful to me. Thank you so much!

Great info

I agree because 10 seconds after the conversation my Mom forgets about it, but the feelings remain. The happy feelings.

This is wonderful . Thank you. I followed your guidance and it’s just wonderful. Compassion works .. I’m able to share in her feelings and provide comfort. I enjoy your videos so much . Thank you

Being home can also aid in recovery and comfort.

This has been SO helpful!!!❤ Thank you so much!

My 85 year old mother does this a lot, we rleiase din the end she said it when there something she doesn’t like happening

You are such a blessing Vicki. 🙏🏻

Thank you so much for this! My husband has Alzheimer's disease (diagnosed six years ago) and we recently moved to another state so that I could get support from my family. He is constantly asking when we can go home. This has helped me tremendously!

This video needs to be a top result to answer this question!

Thanks for the insight. This particular issue is one I've had difficulty responding to. This video was very insightful and helpful. Caregiving for my wife in stage 5 (I think) is challenging for many reasons but partly because for most of my life and career I was required to only consider facts, reason and logic. Now it's all upside down and I'm grateful for information like yours that puts things in perspective and provides helpful advice. Thank you!

That was a good video

Hi Vicki, my name is Richard and I’m the primary Caregiver for my wife Linda who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in July 2019. Fairly recently she has been showing signs of dementia progression, including the “I Want to Go Home”. I’ve always told her that I would never lie to her. I’ve lived up to that promise and I have always told her that we no longer own our former home. We now live in a different city but are only 12 miles from our former home. She constantly tells me that she wants to move back to her hometown and no other reason of wanting to go home. I have never given thought to her wanting to go home as a feeling and not about a real location. That makes a great deal of sense. On occasion she has told me that she needed to be back so the kids could get to school. Her two sons are 39 and 43. So, it’s obvious that her perception of reality has been skewed. I realize that maybe I should ask her, What is it that makes you want to go home? I think that may be very interesting t hear the answer to that question and will help me understand what she’s thinking and where her mind is. That way I think I can give her a much more empathetic response to what it is that she may need instead of repeating my past responses, which have done nothing except to create more frustration for both of us. Thanks a lot!

Thank you

It is so hard to see my mom like this. It’s torture for her. We have her on Olanzipine, Paxil, Ativan and Tylenol, but she still is hallucinating at times and just in another world, anxious. she’ll give a small smile, then she will be sad and rehearse an old memory. She keeps asking if her babies are dead? I tell her we are not we are all safe and good. She is in late stage and just want this to be over. I keep praying that Jesus will take her home. Is that bad?

My grandma has lived in her own home for 40 years and for about 10 minutes insisted she needed to figure out how to get home. It was so sad to hear because Im on the other side of the country.

What if you CAN take them home? Should I do that? 4 hours away. She will occasionally say “let’s go for just a little while”. She will later say “I’m never coming back here”.

I have tried this and my client, she does not start a conversation with me as much as I try. It seems to aggravate her more.

I say don't rub that salt into their wounds. Don't speak of what they lost. Just beginnings.

My mom always asks how she got here, (after she's gone to bed) how come we dropped her off here, why am I here. She thinks dad and I dropped her off somewhere so we could go be with our friends and have fun. When she says she wants to go home, I asked my mom where is home. She said she didn't know, I didn't know what to say them

I will try this. Thank you. I was wondering what to do about her packing? She was in a Specail care home for 2 months and they couldn’t handle her packing everyday and waiting by the door to go home. She’s pretty angry. Now she’s in a nursing home packing and walking around with her things. Still very angry. What can we do?

Thank you so much. I feel my mother would feel more connected to the facility where she is living (memory care) if she connected with some of the staff or her housemates (12 people to a building, it's actually quite nice). But, she doesn't take much interest, saying she will be leaving soon anyway (she has been packing her things into bags to "leave" on a weekly basis). I have had a small amount of progress by asking her to check in on the other people there and see if they need anything, or ask her to help set up meals (the staff let her help). She was a career nurse and has had a big drive to help others in her life. Do you have suggestions on how to get her to connect to her new home (4 months now)?

Good comments, but we UV ave tried that asking her about her home. She says she does not know. Nothing we say or do m as new her feel at home

Does brain changes due to dementia cause vertigo ???

Whats wrong with going home? As long as the assistance is available for proper care of the individual then why not send them home?

The ads are annoying!

I disagree with the "dementia with grace" about home being a feeling like this young woman is describing in the video. My mom has dementia and when she says she wants to go home, she actually wants to go home. One time after I brought here home from the ER after an accident, it was around 2 a.m. and she refused to get out of the vehicle because she wanted me to take her home where she lived at behind the school in the St Stephens area. She wanted me to take her to her childhood home that she grew up at and at 2 a.m. in freezing cold weather. I just let her sit in the vehicle for a few minutes while I went to unlock the house and came back and told her that everyone was sleeping at your home and she would have to stay with me until tomorrow and then I could take her to her house. She still refused and I got back in the vehicle and drove around for 10 minutes telling her that I could find the way to her home in the dark and then drove her back to her house. She still refused to get out of the vehicle and want to go to her home that she grew up in as a kid. This time I just told her in a firm voice the truth that her brother was at home and asleep and he is not going to let her in the house tonight and I do not have a key to your home so you going to have to come in the house with me so I can call him. She stated she would wait in the vehicle while I made the call. I finally told her in another firm voice, I went in the house for a few minutes and came back out. I told my mom, "listen it is cold out here and you need to come inside, we did not come all the way out here for your to stay in the car. I called your parents and they told me to bring you home in the morning-everyone is asleep and do not want to be woke up by you coming in so late from the hospital." She still wanted to go home, and I finally said as stern as I could, Listen, we need go inside and see if your parents are still here so they can take you home and if not then I will take you home, but you are not going home till you go inside the house first and make sure your dad is not here to take you home." Thank God that lie worked and I got her out of the car and I had to keep telling her on the way into the house that her parents where inside waiting on her to take her home etc. and then when she got inside the house- I had to tell her that I would take her home in the morning and she would have to stay with me tonight. Thank God that lie worked. I had to tell her that this house was hers now since she got married or tell her the house was given to her or she won it. It took me almost 40 minutes to get her inside the house and convince her to stay there. because she wanted to go home where she grew up. She even started to tell me how to get there and where it was located. Let me tell you, at 2 a.m. in the morning, I wished I could have taken her to her old homeplace and let her stay at the house overnight with her brother instead of trying for almost an hour convincing her to stay with me. Sometimes, I wish I owned that house so she could stay there and feel more secure and connect with what memories she has left. So I believe that when a dementia patient says that want to go home- they want to go home literally. Maybe not the home they live in now but it is the home that are remembering like my mom did from her past childhood. When my Grandma had dementia-she wanted to go back home and was mad at the family for putting her in the nursing home. She might have had dementia but she knew where her home was and told the family that she wanted to go back to house that her and her husband had built. My grandma knew where her home was in her past but she did not know who people where or lived in the present. Finally after six months of being in the nursing home, she told my mom that she like being at the nursing home-it felt like home and that she could die there. I really disagree with this segment and the concept of home.