I listened to this for the first time just after my ex broke up with me. I was taking a walk. Heard the first verse of this song and collapsed in the field, and began sobbing.
The feeling of constant sleepiness but being aware... Knowing you've hurt someone but not knowing exactly how it feels, knowing you can't say sorry because in the end it won't matter, feeling as though you need to distance yourself for them to have fun and be someone happy, only letting yourself spend time with them when they ask you to and when they point out you've been distant. I didn't think any song would capture it, the guilt, the tiredness, yet here I am listening to this. :]
I first discovered this song when I had to move back to my home town, a place I tried so hard to get away from because its a horrible place. It felt like I had been forcefully separated from paradise, I made a whole life for myself somewhere far from here, everything I love and care about is over there, the woman I love is over there, my best friend is over there, all my real friends, my found family within them. I felt safe there I was free over there, I could walk around the city and catch the train over there I cant do that here its too dangerous. I miss my real home so much. But this song perfectly encapsulates the feelings bubbling under my skin. The resentment the bitterness I feel towards this place, towards the people who forced me to come back here against my will because Im still young and cant support myself out there. Im stuck in a house with two parents that have been on the brink of a divorce for years but stay together because my mom would feel too guilty for leaving a disabled man, its fucked me and my little brother up. No one in my family actually likes each other Its such a selfish environment Im sick of it. I miss my friends I miss being around people who want to be around one another. I miss the love and support and the laughs and tears we would share together, not only did we share our happiness but our pain too. I miss my best friend and all the shit we’d get up to. I miss my partner we had to seperate because I was leaving. I swear to everything I hold dear in this life I will get back home somehow. One day Ill forget about this song and then rediscover it and remember this comment I left and think back to this time like it was some bad day in the past. I will find my way back home I swear it I have to. Thats what this song is to me
Bullshit, love, bullshit, love is bullshit I am not allowed to have feelings Feelings would complicate this I'm a stupid ugly stuttering asshole There is no dignity in my anger Mind if I cough in your ear all night? Mind if I resent you for a year tonight? I am not the type of man Who can fall asleep in someone else's hands I love you Sometimes I love you But it's hard to say There are times when I don't love I can't love anything in this world I want you to know I want you to know I want you to know I am But I hope That you are I hope that you're a It doesn't matter what I say If you don't say anything in response The final phrase of my last sentence Hangs in the air, sounding stupider and stupider Why can't you at least laugh? I tried so hard to find the right words But it's a matter of timing, you only have so long To capture the feeling before it's gone I'll fill in the good parts later I'll make it fit together real nice And cut out all the "likes" Two days ago it was really bad I couldn't get my head straight all day And everything you said seemed to have an edge You were disappointed and I didn't know why Eventually it came to a head Over something as stupid as making coffee You said it was a mistake to ever try and help me Then you went in the kitchen I drove off to go buy some stuff Which was a mistake because I didn't want to come back I just sat in the parking lot And dabbed at my thumb, which was bleeding for some reason Leaving a trail of red blossoms on the napkin I felt sick and I didn't know what to do How long would it be before I could face you? Flash back to The first angry song I had to hide from you It goes like this "I am hiding from you at the QFC, QFC, QFC" Michael and Brian broke up today But we're not like them, no We're nothing like them Frankie and Ava broke up today But we're not like them, no We're nothing like them Felice and Lanky broke up today But we're not like them, no Nothing like them John and Yoko separated for a year But we're not like them, no Nothing like them The Beatles broke up today But we're not like them, no We're nothing like them Paul said, "I just started doubting everything I did" But you're not like him, no You're nothing like him Your parents and my parents, well, let's not get into that 'Cause we're not like them We are nothing like them Degnan and Skippy haven't spoken for a while But we're not like them No, we're nothing like them, no no
I really love it too, but this is why i'm listening to Twin Fantasy and My Back Is Killing Me, these albums are really great and i don't want to stay stuck in one or two song (like i did with Cute Thing and Bodys)
There were no hard feelings when we broke up, it was the right person wrong circumstances kinda thing. I don’t relate to this song but it makes me so fucking sad every time
Oh, that's because in Spanish the word "disappointed" has gender (male / female), "decepcionado" for man and "decepcionada" for woman, as I don't want to impose gender in a context that originally does not have it, I use the "@" As a kind of neutral substitute, in Argentina the "X" or "E" is being used a lot to transform the words so that they have neutral gender (like "depecionadx" or "decepcionade") in this case I chose to use the @ because bleh
