If Cruises Were Honest | Honest Ads 

I remember being on holiday in Jamaica when a cruise liner came in. 2 hours before the town was quiet with a few stalls around selling food, hardware and some small souvenirs, and there was a couple of radios on with the local talk radio playing quietly. Then as the cruise liner docked I watched the locals, with almost military precision, change from their jeans and shorts for tastelessly colourful Caribbean clothing, put out trays and trays of souvenirs with everything at least 3 times the previous price and set up loudspeakers everywhere playing calypso. The tourists came saying how everyone was so happy and the island was so colourful and musical. Within 2 hours the tourists were back on the ship and the entire town, again with military precision reverted back to normal. It was brilliant to watch.

"We market cruises as a luxury to people for whom any vacation is a luxury." - LOL, so true!

I live on an island and I laughed my ass off at the “locals will hate you” line It’s true

As a former crew member of a cruise vessel of 3yrs, I approve this message! So much of this is true!

I lost it at "Ignore you kids for a week and let them go all 'Lord Of The Flies' in the kid-zone."

“They didn’t have a ship that left New York and came back….that would be stupid”. Man, that was hilarious. People from early 1900’s would think we are crazy

"Surrounded by an ocean you can never touch" 🤣🤣

Cruise ship was a lot catchier than "plague barge."

If you're going to do a cruise, just do a day cruise on a river or something. I've done a few in Germany and they were really nice. It stops at some old castles you get to check out and the scenery is nice. You can also get off and stay overnight in any of the towns it makes a stop at and come back the next day and catch the boat back to where you came from.

"Ignore your kids for a week and let them go all 'Lord Of The Flies' in the kid-zone" it's pretty sad how accurate this is. So many parents go on cruises to trick little Timmy into thinking they're going on a "family vacation" rather than abandoning him with a babysitter for a week while they get wasted poolside.

I took a cruise once. I figured it would be an easy way to travel with my elderly parents and my 3yo son. I suppose in some ways it was easier, but it confirmed what I already suspected - cruise travel is definitely not for me. It was a Caribbean cruise, yet they had no Caribbean food on the ship. We visited seven islands, but by the time you get off the ship, you only have a few hours before you get back on again. Our two best days were: St Kitts and Nevis, where we hired a local taxi and just pretty much let him decide where to take us. He’d make a suggestion, and we either agree or ask him to pick something else. The other best day was on Barbados. As fast as possible we got past the mile long mall they always have at the docks. We just went to the town square, hung out, took a tour of the Parliamentary building, got some street food, hung out in the park with all the business people on lunch break. It was our best day! Seriously, though, never again.

After 15 years in the Navy, you’ll never convince me to pay for a trip at sea. Also, the second someone gets sick it’s quarantine time. A bug runs through a ship at light speed.

I used to work on a cruise ship for a year and a half in Hawaii and am presently writing a Thriller novel inspired by that. The "Incidents Happen" section, ESPECIALLY when it comes to missing women and reporting of said crime to ship security, hit REALLY hard.

I live in Barcelona and I can relate to the part when they say "the ship comes, and locals see a terrifying sea scraper, like something out of a disaster movie". I don't mind people visiting Barcelona, but hell, it's too much when they come in groups of 3000 people. I really hate these cruises.

I mean, he's correct, however I had a blast on a cruise around Italy when I was 15. The ship food was amazing. 24-hour personal pizzas made-to-order. We stopped in France and I bought a decorative sword. They wouldn't let me back on the ship with the sword, so I had to go to a local post office and figure out French. I still have the sword.

As a mainer who was just taking advantage of tourists on a cruise stopping in portland, the "we hate tourists, but they keep us financially afloat" notion is soooooo accurate

I was paying for a cruise rn. I ended up changing to just fly to coasta Rica. This is hitting too hard😂😂😂

Roger has put into words and visuals how I feel about cruises 😂

So true. We’ve been building extra docks in Greece for cruise liners and all I see is the smog every day and the millions of people evading the towns without leaving a single dime here. We have so many tourists in Greece in July and August that the most locals cannot even go on vacations themselves. Local economies aren’t helped as much as you think. It’s the corporate hotel chains and cruise liners that make the money. Just like Thailand people are starving but the country is still flooding with tourists till the coral reefs are completely damaged and all the waters are polluted.

I would never willingly burn my vacation time and money on a cruise. I try to get away from people, not be trapped with them

I live in a cruise ship port. Every week during the season, thousands of people descend on us, making daily life impossible, asking questions, making rude comments etc. Sorry, it's a normal Wednesday lunchtime and I'm not part of your holiday! And the people. OMG 🫣 All identical according to whichever cruise line it is, but you can take a guess. Put me right off cruising.

what a coincidence that I see this just as my family is trying to plan a cruise. Gonna play this on blast!!!

“Let them go all lord of the flies in the kid zone”😂😂

Haha! I will still go on cruise ships anyway! Karaoké and piano baR every day, no worries about paying for food during the trip and a new beach that magically appear in front of your room everyday. Plus nothing beats sailing from a cold location to a warm one over a couple days, it feels like traveling gradually to a new universe. And resting on a transat at night on a ship, between the stars and the darkness of the sea is magic. It makes you feel like you are floating in space. Pure awesomeness!

I once heard someone say that going on a cruise is like being stuck on a boat with everyone at your local mall right now. Totally accurate!

Finally someone said what my subconscious knew all along.

Used to work on cruise ships, this is mostly true, they can be amazing but you have to choose a smaller ship and a great itinery. Do the shore excursions and spend some time at local places before or after the cruise. Think Alaska, panama canal , Antarctica etc. You will spend a lot more but it will be worth it.

This is why I like Virgin Voyages. No kids, no buffets, no bacteria coming from a trough of food for the buffet-eating masses. There's no nickel and diming either, asking you to pay for everything else once onboard since almost everything is included in the initial pricing.

"Disease incubating floating dormitories" 😂 that's pretty accurate

As a former employee, you've forgotten the most important thing; nickel and diming the pax for every last dollar on their cruise card, to be settled up on the last night of the cruise. Sticker shock is a real thing...

The thing with cruises is that you get what you pay for. If you go on Carnival, you're going to get a cheap vacation. If you want the luxury experience, you go on Celebrity, Holland America, or Cunard.

Eat 7 times a day 😂 I see lots of this on YT cruise videos

This guy is one of the greatest comedic talents of our time 😂😂😂

Took a cruise once, 28 years ago, on Royal Caribbean. Never again. As nice as it was, we were still trapped on a boat. If you don't like the room, the neighbors, the food etc. you can not leave. Every vacation since, we have booked a hotel in a cool city or rented a cottage at the beach. It costs less and we are free to leave or go to a different restaurant...

The video makes a very good point about cruise passengers spending their money for "beds and booze" on the cruise ships, so the locals can only make money on selling trinkets and maybe some snacks and drinks. On the other hand, if the tourists stayed on land and spent money for food and lodging in the towns, then the locals get a bigger portion of the tourists' spending.

I have cruised all over the globe. Never any sickness, always an enjoyable time.

I worked in the kids' area for a cruise line out of california, and the lord of the flies line killed me 😂. Fun fact, roughly a third of the crew is drunk every night. They know how to party.

I'm disabled and discovered cruising as an amazing way to travel for me. Everthing on board is accessible and I don't have to worry about finding hotels, food, transportation. And even if I can't do everything my family can leave me to explore on my own without feeling guilty as there is always plenty to do. I found a travel agent that specialzes in wheelchair travel and cruises are by far the best and most economical option. I struggle with the guilt supporting am industry with such horrible employee treatment and environmental impact.

This gives me Adam ruins everything vibes, I like it

I always knew that American's had a sense of humour. This is brilliant.

You had me at “eat seven meals a day.”

The point about locals hating cruisers is really true. I come from a tiny town that in the summers gets jam-packed on nearly daily basis by cruise tourists, and it's treated like the plague has struck the town. People stay inside, close their windows and curtains and hide until they are gone. The town has just around 2500-3000 people living there, but some of the cruise liners hold up to a 5000. That's crazy. And the worst part is that only a very small handful of "local" businesses see any increase in trade during these times. The small businesses in fact see a reduction in trade because the locals will be staying in their homes during these days Edit: One question for those who have been on a cruise... What happens to your brains on these tours. Do your brain cells also go on a vacation someplace else? In my old hometown we never used to lock the front doors. There was no reason since break-ins were extremely rare. But we were pretty much forced to do so when those cruise liners were in port. The reason being numerous times these tourists would simply open the doors and invite themselves inside, as if those houses were there for their enjoyment. Onetime I was in my kitchen preparing food when I hear footsteps behind me. An middle aged couple in brightly yellow and blue jackets were standing there looking so dumb and confused. They couldn't make themselves understandable in English but the few German words I managed to pick out they were trying to explain they were looking for another couple they had been walking with. When I showed them to the door I found their friends staring into my bedroom window as if it was an exhibit. But mine is by far not the only case like this. Hence we would lock our doors and close our curtains. But still those people would treat our houses and lawns as if it had all been put there just for them.

Living in Lisbon I can assure you the stuff about the locals' view of these floating apartment blocks is true.

My wife and i just took our first cruise a few months ago, 10 days, we hit the bahamas and actually had a blast. But its all, also kinda true. There really isn't all that much to do on board unless you really like reading books to the sound of the ocean, which we both do quite a bit. We were unwilling to spend more than a few hundred bucks at the casino, and that lasted us about... oh.. ten minutes or so. The shows were good and it was fun dressing up for dinner, really, eating was the most enjoyable part honestly, he isnt wrong, you basically eat whenever you want and balloon up to an obnoxious size. We got kind of bored after five days and we ended up spending our last day pretty much completely in our cabin watching movies or playing games on my laptop or reading books. If we ever do it again it will probably be shorter, only 4 or 5 days at most, and probably a Mediterranean cruise. The bahamas were nice.. but.. also very poor. We didn't really feel all that safe going out and about, particularly in Nassau. I will also say, while expensive, the alcohol package was absolutely worth it.

As a former cruise ship engineer, this is spot on.

2:22 "I was hoping for a luxurious vacation, like the Titanic." Oof... Bad example!

I like to get away from crowds of people when I go on a vacation, not bring them all with me.

We had a splendid time on the one "big boat" cruise we took: Princess through Alaska. Otherwise, it's small boats all the way. They're more intimate, roomy, and the excursions are more fun. You actually get to experience the cities you visit.

Trident Roger seeing you always is a blessing for my tired eyes. I realy like the way reborn Cracked is going. Hope the Cast keeps growing. You guys are doing great work!

"disease incubating floating dormitories"...I'm dying. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This is why you gotta do one-way Alaska cruises, if you're gonna cruise. Shorter time, chiller people since it doesn't attract so many Joe Six-Packs + Karen and Twiddledee and Twiddledum families, and Alaska is less tacky...and smaller ships because the demand is less.

I had a great time on a cruise with my dad and brother. We went snorkeling had shrimp and just had a bunch of fun. I created some great memories that will last for a long time.

You don't know how happy I am to laugh at a Roger video. I love the reference to the Lord of the Flies by leaving your kids in the daycare for a week. This is why I always watch these, whenever they appear in my recommendations.

Here's another thing about cruise ships - they breakdown ... a lot. Being stranded at sea can be unpleasant, especially if the power goes out, the toilets on a cruise ship need electricity to flush, by the way, if there is a powersurge, the toilets can overflow, so expect to be bathed in the whole ship's liquids. It can take a week for salvage teams to tow the cruise ship back to port, and passengers cannot be evacuated unless there's a distress call, so sit tight and have fun.

I love going on cruise ships! My favorite type of vacation

I've gone on some 5 or 6 cruises in my mid twenties with my folks and i quite enjoyed it. The view of the ocean is beautiful and I also doubt i could take a plane to antartica so easily. Never got sick or bored either. Since one of my parents is in a wheelchair, it's actually a pretty god vacation plan. Accomodation and food are good and the quality is guaranteed. It's a lot less hassle moving about. Of course you don't have so much time to visit a city (normally only 10 hours), so it is a superficial visit. The entertainment will get a bit stale and true it's crowded. But for me it is quite something to be reading a book with the open ocean for a view. It's relaxing. Honestly i think it's a valid holiday if you want to relax and experience many new places. But it is expensive, you don't have time to truly get to know the culture and experience a new place, and the food gets repetitive.

As a non traveller I approve of this message

Roger is national (or should I say international?) treasure

3:06 the moment of maximum honesty. So true.

I love how I got a cruise ad right after this lol

I worked on for a cruise ship company and it was hell on earth. I never got an off day nor a break, I didn't complete my contract and came home that is just modern day slavery. What a saw while there made me think that the cruise industry must be one of the most wasteful industries in the world.

I totally agree-- there is NOTHING that can get me on another cruise ship.... Biggest problem - TOO DAMN MANY OTHER PEOPLE ON BOARD. You eat in shifts - use pools in shifts - do activities in shifts etc.

I missed these so much! So glad you guys are making them again!

heh these are funny. but i love cruises. i love the look of the ocean, the air at night, the soft bob of the waves, waking up at a new city/port every day, being able to walk to a variety of different activities etc. and i think the food is actually fantastic. it's great having it all in one place and go explore a different city each day. there are definitely some really luxurious cruiseliners though... i've been on a few that only had about 80 guests.

A notification for this video popped up as I happened to be watching a video about the Poop Cruise from Hell haha

I'm one of the crazy ones that likes cruise ships, as I have been on 14 so far. Been to a few resorts but still prefer a cruise over a resort. Alaskan cruise was the best with a balcony. View of ocean, mountains, glaciers, rivers, eagles, whales, seals and so much more.

Took the extended family on a Disney cruise years ago. Best vacation ever.

I've traveled to over 70 countries and have just started doing do Cruising last year. I must say it's a really great way to travel by cruise ship. Like everything it has its downside but there a lot more positives than negative. I've even booked two more this year. I still like overland travel but cruise ship are also a great way to unwind.

Used to have a friend who called me a snob for not going on a cruise for these very same reasons. Thank you for validation

The moat! That is exactly how I described my one cruise experience, except I though of it as a shopping mall with a moat.

We cruise all the time. They are a blast . But still a funny video, love this channel

I’ve been on 2, Disney and Royal Caribbean. We loved them both. We had no issues and the kids still talk about how much fun they had.

I’ve never had a desire to share that space with thousands of people.

I have never been on a cruise but this is exactly how I imagine it to be.

Delightful, entertaining and true. Thank so much.

I’ve been on many cruises, and absolutely love it. ❤

I hace taken multiple cruises with my family - one for 4 days in Miami , another to Mexico and a third through Greece and Italy . All was really great . Food was great , abundant drinks . While I don’t really like being in one place my family liked it . The European trip was really great and error free . It was royal carribean .

Jack Hunter is a legend. The way he turned on a dime from gritty to upbeat was just fantastic. His line delivery of the fire on the boat was just perfect.

Lmao!!! 😂😂😂 omg the vape in the beginning. Great Twilight Zone reference!

Love this. These are the exact reasons why I've never been on an ocean cruise.

I used to work in the Cruise industry, and I learned a lot about cruise ships, some of it I really wish I hadn't.

Cruises are a super awesome and easy way to expose kids to international travel. So much lower stress than driving or flying to multiple places, packing and unpacking several times. It’s obviously not as in depth an experience, because you’re only at each port for a day, but it still gives them some exposure.

I've never been on a cruise for a lot of the reasons brought up, but the ending made me want to go listen to Mastodon again so this is a good video.

I went on a cruise ,with my Dad, Boston to Bermuda - I loved it! Loved the ship! The ocean and full moon. The casino and the pool and the drinks! Bermuda people are sooo chill and friendly. Go to Woody’s for a grouper sandwich on raisin bread😊

We evade our taxes by flying foreign flags yet expect the US Government to bail us out when a pandemic hits!

I had the good fortune of working on a cruise ship as a contractor making modifications. What I was made aware of due to being able to see the behind the scenes operation and, after some socializing with the crew, found out things that the crew are told absolutely to keep to themselves. Period. I have not been on one since and am mystified when I see throngs of people pile aboard completely clueless as to what they really stepped onto.

Just loved this video. Still laughing. Do love cruising. Thought provoking. I did feel safe.

I have not had a week off from work since 2019 so I'd probably have a blast

Has Roger done anything on waterparks yet? I worked at one as a maintenance person for a few months and one of the first things I was told was the code to use when “biological incidents“ occurred in the pools and slides. It cured me of ever wanting to send my kids to one.

Another fun fact about tourist driven small towns: The internet is slowed down by you. These small communities don't have the market share to be worth installing robust information infrastructure. So when hundreds of people from out of town flood in at once the connections just can't handle all the requests. Slowing streaming, gaming, and video communications down to a crawl so slow you can't even load a web page without time-out errors.

You nailed all the points that prevented me from booking a cruise this year despite beeing tempted to do so. I was on a cruise end of 2019 and i catched a cold there despite all the hygiene measures like contact-free door openers and hand sanitizers everywhere. At least we did not overpay, we did not overeat and - not having a drink package - we did not feel pressured to drink a lot of alcohol and risk a hangover.

As a former seafarer (Costa, Ibero Cruceros and MSC) i can say this is all true, literally. Especially the part about the underpaid employees.

3:07 In fact by the early 20th Century there were cruises similar to the ones which exist now primarily in the Mediterranean, though they became more popular in America during prohibition. It is where the Booze Cruise comes from.

I think we need an Honest Funeral Home ad. I've heard that they also like gouging their customers

So true. I had some relatives recently come back from a Princess cruise and they were sick half the trip and stuck in their room from some bug they caught onboard.

3:21 Hahaha literally what I’ve been saying about cruises for decades🤣. I get it not everyone truly is adventurous or wants to explore a country in depth and for those people a cruise is perfect.

I can enjoy the humor. I've been on different vacations and will say cruising has been the most relaxing and enjoyable of them all. It really depends on what one wants out of a vacation.

Bad ass! I'm so happy for Roger to be making videos again. He is great!

I got a cruise ad on this video. This is too perfect

I went on a cruise 10 years ago. Overate, got sick. But the worse thing was the overpowering smell from the disinfectant. It just stronger and stronger. They must apply it with a garden hose. Because of that smell I was very happy to get off that boat.