Confront and using words, over and over like most women do, do not work with men. You know what does work? Actions! Calm, confident, sovereign actions. It ends up being a win/win instead of feeling of one-down.
I dated my future husband for 7 years starting at age 16. I always initiated EVERYTHING. Once just to test it I didn't call him for 2 weeks and he never called me, I finally called him and he is like "Hey! How are you!!" For some reason I stayed and agreed to marry him. Marriage was the same, me initiating everything, making all decisions. I divorced him 15 years later. I just can't believe I stayed with him that long, put up with it that long. SMH
My ex married someone because she initiated everything & he just went along with it because he thought that’s life. I value my life too much to be in that mindset. Some guys just want to be with anyone & don’t figure out what they actually want.
I’m sorry you had to go through this! I dated a man that made me initiate 60% of the time then it kept dropping to 70% and lower. He always spoke about marriage (keeping me on a hook) so I stopped initiating to see what he does. FIVE DAYS went by with no text or calls but I caught him commenting under hot girl pics online. I sent him a breakup letter and went no contact with him. He got mad but honestly I can’t see myself marrying a man that is okay not talking or even checking up on me for five days. I love him. Until now my heart hurts and I get an urge to go back to him but I know he isn’t the one for me. He was emotionally unavailable.
In my experience, internalizing the rejection (e.g. the thought that as an option, I'm not good enough) actually made me work harder to get said prize. I never understood how being dismissed or undervalued by a man would actuality motivate me to ignore these signs and try even harder until I started therapy and learned that I was seeking a trauma bond, not the individual (daddy issues ladies!) All that to say, when we heal, and figure out why we tolerate what we tolerate, it's easier to spot these signs, and even easier to anchor dead weight.
We made plans to see each other on Valentines Day and he ghosted me. No messages no call no show. He reached out two days later and acted like nothing was wrong said he had a lot going on. Haven’t heard from him since 😕
@@maryanneville4397that'snot a "man" thing hun. That's a very specific thing from a person who has zero respect for someone. That has nothing to do with Mars don't do that.
oh stephan.....after over 2 months of no contact, my decision, he calls out of the blue "needing help with an official situation" i, like a nut, don't stop, think, consider or anything....i say yes, regret it immediately the next day and the "dinner" we were to have 2 days later after of course not hearing from him for 2 days i conveniently ignore....im empowered by your talks...so, i did something i don't like to do...i simply blocked his number...he is a negative influence in my life, a distraction to the way i want to live my life in Christ and overall just someone i really don't want around my life.....thanks for the good work you put out...DON'T STOP.....
I have been one of those women and Im not ashamed to say it because I am a good woman. But, victim no longer! I have reformed myself in life; giving every sector a major overhaul with God's help. Im single and Im okay with that! I had to learn how to spend time with me and had to learn how to appreciate and delight myself in the things about me and what I can do. Trust me when I say that there's no better moment. Being a woman who have been through hell in relationships, I realized why must I continue to do that? And its sad that it took me this long to realize that, those men didnt deserve me, didnt deserve my attention, my love, my patience not even that, of my virtue. Iam alone for a reason! The right guy will make himself known. Im not worrying about it! Im working on me and Im just fine! Im enjoying being Santeria. Just me, myself, and I.
I'm not sure if I'm in a situationship or not. He says he wants to go slow but for me it feels the actions are fast. We spend a lot of time together, both sexual and non sexual - dinners, comedy clubs, gym, fun runs, spa etc. We message everyday, he initiates more than I do. He even calls in the evenings (and a couple of times has called me in the mornings). He's not seeing anyone else, he's not even on dating apps. He's taken time off work to help me, he called me on xmas for 3 hours, we've gone away together on a weekend, he celebrates my achievements and we have great conversation. He got me really thoughtful xmas presents, he came over and fixed my bed and my boiler...and that's just off the top of my head. Yet he tells me he's not ready for a relationship - and it's been almost 6 months. I'm freaked out as it wouldn't be my first situationship but I feel like we are in a relationship and he just seems to not want to acknowledge it and I can't understand what's holding him back?
Sounds like he's really not sure about you. It's time to make yourself less available to him before he takes you for granted. Tell him your looking for a committment and start dating other men. If he's afraid of losing you, he will it up and get serious, if not ....there's your answer.
If you can't decide who you want to be in my life then I will decide on your behalf! I am nobody's appliance or resource. Also, you don't have what it takes to be committed. I have told the truth.
I just experienced this with someone I knew and was friends with for over 20 years. Dating became difficult for me and I had to go my own way. These signs are a good wake up call. Thank you for this Stephen
Hey, Stephan, I gotta call you out. All if your responses to people's comments is *the same* We are sharing our hearts with you. I'd rather you not "comment" than have someone copy and paste the same thing over and over. Please stop! If you can't individualize the resoonse, stop!
I’m in a mixed messages situation and many of the points you are hitting is hurting my heart… damn 🤦🏽♀️ he initiates sometimes doesn’t ask questions about me and minimizes time I think I’ve wasted a year 😢
@@MeetStephanSpeaks I hope pray he does… I see a good man but hurt and unemotionally unavailable on the surface. I’ve learned men hurt differently but as a women I can’t wait for someone to heal or don’t want to heal while building in the process.
No rocket science here ! Any woman who finds themselves in this situation Is blatently accepting crap Or pretending not to notice Plain and simple ! Stephan why are u not concentrating fully today 😂 Whats up ?
@MeetStephanSpeaks, I've been subbed for a very long time and I listen to your posts on a daily basis. This experience has happened to me more than once (situationships/relationships), I've confronted them about this same issue, and I've come to the realization that I will no longer waste my time with a man that doesn't want to put their 100% into the relationship as I always reciprocate. So I will patiently wait until my "Boaz" finally meets my "Ruth". No time for games in 2024 and beyond, it's not worth it. Thank you for your insightful posts, and blessings to you and all viewers!!! #knowmyworth#happilysingleuntil#selfloveisthebestlove#patientlywaiting 💖☝🏾👏🏾✊🏾💯
I can’t wait to leave ..I’m working on a lot of crap before I bounce ..and then I’ve tried with others because he’s not loyal anyway.Im just going to stay single.God didn’t give me a kitty clicker for nothing 🤷♀️.I had and have kids and grandkids .Im good .As soon as my youngest gets that license I’m done !Il be working on getting a job ,moving out,working out ,kick boxing ,lifting and swimming.🤷♀️.Im going to do me .Save up to go to real estate school.
My bf always want me to come over and he is always hungry, i feel like it is more about the sex, he never discusses the future and he is saying thats just how he is and communication is the key
But then why marry just because she's there. If the one you love loves you truly then he should marry the second not the first. You live your life only once. Don't throw away your chance of real love.
Stephan Speaks amd Sadia Khan....if amyone can get these two to have a sit down together and talk about relationships, that would be the icing on my cake🍰
I really needed this video today Stephan…I’ve been in a “situationship” with a man like the example in this video for going on 3 years and I have literally experienced all 4 things discussed in this video…but for the past 3 months I’ve had a new man come in the picture and he is applying all the pressure and he is really trying to be serious with me…but I don’t feel comfortable just “ghosting” Mr. Situationship…I’m confused…this did give me some more insight on what to do.
Girl u sound like you're in 2 situationships which really is awful at our age. 3 months is a long time and years is WAY too long to not be serious. Grow up put on your grown WOMAN panties. You're allowing yourself to be an option for BOTH of these men.
Send him a letter kindly stating you enjoyed your time together but it won’t work out and after you sent it go no contact and block him from everywhere. That’s what I did when I realized I was also in a situationship and he was using me as a placeholder. Drop him and move on!! That letter is closure for him.
I cannot thank you enough for creating this. It reached me right when I needed it the most. Much gratitude from India. 🙏🌸 Can you please also elaborate on what can a woman do in the case where she sees all these signs but still feels in her heart that there can be so much potentially more to him and the relationship, how can she go from “being an option” to “being the one” then ?
I love your realness, it doesn’t hurt either. As a woman that’s made mistakes in her past. I have no regrets, you helped me get out of something. Are you doing any events in the Bay Area any time soon?
Thats true He says he loves me n he committed to me But then dun call me once in 2 months or hear my voicenote nor picks my call Leave all my msgs on seen N when i confronted him He went silent n now ghosting me lol I'm on no contact with him now
Too many women give way too much too soon only to be disappointed and yes wasting their time. Women, please live in reality and don't lie to yourself that it is more than what it is. Stop making this easy for these men.tbey hardly have to do anything to get royalty treatment change this narrative! Xo ❤ we are worth it we deserve much more
Thank you Stephanie for your wisdom, yet again! I am very attracted to a man, there seems to be chemistry, yet we are nearly 2 hours apart. We met once with both meeting an hour from our cities. From there, I’m initiating the effort and understanding and accepting he is busy with his work, he could still answer texts and give alternatives to plans i suggest. Just don’t see it, and knowing my value and worth as a potentially great partner, I kindly suggested we move on. He took it as I was being “negative” towards hi. I see that as being a victim. Red flag!! Moving on, gratefully.
Can you make a video about living together before marriage is it a bad idea? Please, I am currently in this situation and I’m starting to regret agreeing to it.
Why I get attention only from men who are needy and sees me as the last chance? Or men aestetical really below mine? Or manipulators and narcs? It is because after our 40's games are done?
I am a very busy woman working a full time job and a part time job. I had a man to tell me i am a very busy woman. When i sit back and look at yes i am. I guess i dont have time for a relationship right now i am focusing on myself. I dont know if this a bad thing or good thing.
I don't have to let go for the universe to pave the way to new opportunities........ literally just opened my door and new neighbor just stared down my soul😂😂😂 i even get smiles while I'm driving.......but o how I still want him. Yes new phases open and this one closed but the passion lingers. I wont be an option to him ever again though. My demons wanted his demons to imprint my soul and thats all that was. Lust and passion can be blinding. I dont let my emotions dictate my behavior but not having real sex in so long has psychological effects. My mind is blanking out too as im watching this. I like listening to you. And o f n no. Im not gonna forget his violation! Last time we hung out he said hes kn dating apps meanwhile last summer he denies me a night swim at a water fall with a bottle of whiskey saying he doesn't want me to get romantic feelings 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. I went from Brooklyn socialite to hermit up in fhe woods he has no clue how good he could have had it cause all i literally needed from him was for him to show me his heart, then lots of good sex. I don't like people in my space to much cause i love solitude. Whatever im babbling as im listening.
What is your opinion on men not having monogamous relationships? I've been into watching a few podcasts regarding relationships recently and there's this one specific individual who claims that men can't be monogamous and he himself is in an exclusive relationship with a woman and claims he loves her however he is sleeping with other women (and his woman is aware of this and tolerates it).
What are your thoughts on a man that initially thought that he wasn't going to be serious about a woman and then after experiencing getting to know her wanting to be totally in? What would that look like?
I experienced this before. He initially said he had no time for a relationship but after a couple of months of us just building a friendship he started spending nights at my house, taking off work to spend days with me, we went on dates and when I wanted to take a step back due to personal reasons, he really tried to convince me to give us a chance. He now only reaches out to me 2-3 times a year but I do sometimes wish things were back to how they were.
A man with one of the flaws Stephan just stated is okay. But you are just an option to him if he gives you PLENTY of crumbs. Best to dump the yahoo immediately and watch his head spin lol. No one should settle for a casual relationship anyway! 😳
It's important for women to get as many "suitors' as she can if it's come to the point where he doesn't get serious, stop sleeping with the guy if that's the case, and date other men. ( But don't give them sex).
11:25 He signs everything. With love....and is focuced on my health, homes comfort ..but its time i I need...he has much work ...work....im so confused....and it makes me anxious...he tells me we were destined to be together...
and here I am thinking about my teacher again (we're both in our early thirties), he only initiates talking to me when he thinks I need help, but he seems kinda nervous around me and he seems to be blushing when we're talking, but since he's pretty passive I'm just really confused and I can't read him at all, that's pretty much the story of my life, I hope God has a man in store for me who doesn't just make me confused and frustrated almost all the time.
How about a man that you've been out with ONE time... keeps bringing up all of the sex we're gonna' have ... and even the type of sex he wants to have with me, after I've clearly stated that "we're not there yet" We've made plans to see the Bob Marley movie, and he made an excuse to get out of it, then suggested to come over to my place. I said: No. He has been texting and calling daily. This weekend we were trying to go see the same movie again, the movie times available aren't convenient for him... so he suggested we hang out and rent a movie. I said: No. Today I texted him (in response to his good morning kiss text) that we weren't on the same page and let's not waste any more of each other's time. His response: "Really?" Honestly I'm so sick and tired of this sh**. This guy is HOT. He's intelligent. He has a sense of humor, and a deep sexy voice. He's Asian! I've never dated an Asian guy before. I was really looking forward to getting to know him. I was even trying to learn a few words in Vietnamese. WHY?? DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN??? Edit: It's not like he's mentioned sex once or twice... it's literally brought up in every conversation. I told him I wanted to take it slow, and get to know him better. To me, this shows a lack of respect for me and my boundaries. That's a deal breaker. It's too bad... but it is what it is.
Stephan, I’m SO GLAD you touched on the “decent/good”guy who treats you well and addresses issues but still won’t commit. It’s a strange, confusing area to be in. I recently found myself caught up in a situation like that and left but it was HARD and there aren’t many videos about it. He wanted to be “exclusive” and even got STD tested for me but just couldn’t commit. He gave tons of time, initiated, added to my life and seemed to do all the right things but just couldn’t take it any further. My heart was starting to be invested and I had to step it back.
@@Adriana.Gabriela being exclusively sleeping with each other and being in an official committed relationship where he actually claims you are two different things. But both have expiration dates. Acting as though and giving the benefits of a relationship while not actually being in something defined and structured is a slippery slope. Be careful-don’t get caught up in the situationship trap! 💗
@@burgundymustard3811 I'm not sure what you re saying here by him claiming you. You ennumerated things that he does do, which make for a commited relationship. Are you saying he doesn't want to be seen with you in public or tells his friends you're not together or what?
Do you have a video on defining if a guy really likes you or is desperate? I feel especially with these dating apps it is hard to determine who is desperate vs. interested.
He started by himself to meet me on my way,he is single and wants me and likes me but he said we are friends and we will remain as friends,what does he mean?Mr.Stephan,thank you for hosting
Find a guy who's already committed to someone but not completely happy and be the side chick. He'll treat you good and you'll have your own life and plenty of free time.
Sis do you have no self respect???? What kind of women is OKAY with being used by a man like a toilet for his sexual urges and then he throws breadcrumbs of money and presents in return for “your service”??
What happens when you've been with him for 5 years and he still doesn't initiate anything? He isn't entertaining women. He's a workaholic. I should leave, right? He makes it my fault when I try to explain that we don't spend time together. He doesn't like to have sex with me. And when there is sex, he gets his, and I never do. He hates cunninlingus. He says I complain about everything. He thinks I should not state every concern I have. What type of man is that?
No one should be an option! If a partner is not a priority why is their a partnership!?? Love , Honesty, Respect & Communication! ❤️🙏Trust God to give strength!
I wish you could do thing on twin flames. Because I'm in a really bad situation with a twin flame who keeps telling me he desires me, wants me, is going to physically come to me, but he never does. They say that twin flame relationships are different than regular relationships, but I'm not buying that. I think if somebody really desires you and wants you regardless, they're a twin flame, soulmate, kindred spirit, karmic partner, a regular boyfriend, husband, whatever whoever they are, if they really if a man truly desires you, he will put the effort time into you physically and you will have no doubt that he's into you. If you're doubting if a man's into you and he's not putting the time and effort, then he ain't the one for you. That is my new philosophy regardless whoever it is. From now on this point in my life, I will not be taking any more time and effort for action towards anybody who cannot be reciprocal with my love. ❤❤
I would like to know why men are so weak speak truth about these things? It's so disrespectful of time others people lifes. Because time is most valuable thing and we can die any moment. But those people keep others in limbo just for own insecurities or selfish reasons.🤔