If your Ex was Narcissistic, you need to hear THIS 

Ya that's what my husband said to justify divorcing me. He even went so far as to say he deserves to be loved by someone else.

First we have to care deeply about our self

@@victoryamartin9773 True, blaming and gaslighting.

@@stephanieparrish8648 let go of the traumabond. So there is space for yourself.

@@victoryamartin9773mine too. I was the reason he HAD to pursue that woman. If I could be like her he’d love me but I was too awful. He’d come back once I changed. I’m still single 5 years later.

This "I'm sorry" you've heard a million times that loses all meaning because there is no actual changed behaviour after that.. it's like the Groundhog day of abuse, it makes you go crazy at times. I'm glad it's over for me. Anyone out there trying to get out of this type of toxic relationship, I wish you success in finding peace in your life again ✨️✨️ You can do it ❤

25 years of...sorry but you ( insert 3 hour conversation)

This is me 😢

You go along with the tormenting behaviors because you don't know better and, at the same time, are trying to stay safe for fear of the consequences of not supporting the narcissistic parent. Oof.

This is something I really struggle with. I am 46, was married for seventeen years, successful career, divorced, etc. The last few years I developed some health issues, and my mother and step dad also developed some health issues. So I moved back in so we could all help each other. I had kinda forgotten why I moved out at 18, and moved states away. It is just as abusive as it ever was. I am always treated as a child, love bombed them gaslit. I am isolated from everyone. I have my own tiny home, and just like when I was five years old I was not allowed my own space. My mom opens my mail, paychecks, and medical statements. Two weeks ago I was informed, point blank, if I didn't discuss sensitive medical issues which are me and my docs business, no one else, She Would Make Things Up for her FB gossip. Her words. I have been threatened with eviction if I don't comply with medical records. Disinherited. I have both of those in writing, she texted them to me. My ex wife cheated on me with my former best friend. We divorced, but over time we are civil. We remember the awesome times, and she is happy. My mother texted me, "your ex wife and friend are just laughing at how pathetic you are! Lololol". Yeah, I screanshotted that one, and my ex came down on my side hard. But, my mom and step dad still have serious issues. And they need help. So, with eyes wide open and a clear head I am gonna be a punching bag. Literally and figuratively. (When I reported the last physical assault, she told me it wasn't assault if there wasn't a bruise. I kept the text.) Please, see me as a cautionary tale. Do not do what I did. It isn't worth it. For me, I have committed, and this is the last public complaint I will make. Mean people have a very hard time learning to not be mean.

First my mother, and now my daughter…what a loser I feel like.

I agree 👍🏼 It's a long process of dislearning/relearning the false/right markers in relationships

Yes. So very true.

💯 🎯

That’s so true, they are blood sucking vampires.

How ironic! My husband & I found Jimmy a while back and said we were going to watch a short or video minimum 3 days a week and then discuss what we thought, how it applied to us did we learn oubout ourself or relationship....my husband "never said that" a couple days later when he saw it on the calendar (my handwriting of course, per his instruction, or should I say, his suggestion, bc he'd " forgot to write it down and ur handwriting is better" only got it to be twisted around into my being a psycho crazy person making up stories probably bc my mom abused me and I just naturally want to sabotage anything good in my life and thatscokay, he understands...".... Ironic bc about 1 yr after marriage, my daughter confessed to me that she wished ahe had a spy camera to set up bc she thought he might be poisoning me!!! About 4 months after moving in together I slowly be Me disabled, unable to walk and 100s of doctors, surgeries, etc & no solid answers.

after i walked away from my narcissistic ex, i changed his name in my phone to TERMITE bc he eats people away from the inside

But do you understand that abuse is almost PREDOMINANTLY NOT EVER even physical. Like you are bound to be way more abused in non physical ways because people tend to be ignorant to what all abuse is considered.

making a mistake even a huge one is not, however, abuse. It's a mistake. There's a difference. A mistake means you have to decide it you can live with it after the changed behavior. Just my thought. I forgave a HUGE mistake. I did not tolerate abuse for an instant and I will never forgive it. (2 different situations and people)

Woops

@@Indite_Biden You spelled indict incorrectly. I can see why you'd say woops.

@@Cy-bz9jh yep and making the mistake of not pressing charges is not one I will ever make again. Extenuating circumstances mitigate statutory report times against agencies especially if the reports were made correctly and then mishandled by officials, intentionally or not.

I needed this today ❤❤❤

Thank you so much ❤😭

😭

I'm currently going through a divorce with a narcissistic partner and everything he's saying is everything that was happening to me. Everything was always my fault and putting me down. For someone in prison he showed no Appreciation for anything that I did for him.

@@crystalbond2574 sounds familiar... stay strong

Bless you❤

It really does ( I’m sorry) 😔😔

Let’s talk about that healing process!!

I feel your pain with empathy. I pray you seek and find a safe place to heal.

Agree. The physical damage that occurs is horrid. I got breast cancer and my surgeon said it mostly related to high-stress levels. I also almost died from liver failure, not to mention other things, like the fight or flight. Those health issues arose during separation from my narcissistic spouse. My emotions are so disregulated. Sorry, I could go on. Much love and healing all of you!!!

my adrenals have been stuck in fight or flight for 13 years

The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win him back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.

Impressive! How did you manage to connect with a spiritual counselor, and what's the process for me to reach out to her?

Allow me to introduce Suzanne Ann Walters, a highly skilled spiritual counselor known for her expertise in rekindling past relationships.

Thank you for this invaluable information; I've just checked her out online. Very impressive indeed!

Same. I would have walked to the ends of the earth for him. 😢

Same. 7 weeks since I left. Hope you're doing well.

I'm at 11 weeks! 🎉​@@Satsusss

I’m at 2+ years of fleeing from my last narcissist. I still have occasional PTSD. I’m in a healthy relationship now, 8-1/2 months, and I’m scared to death I’m wrong again. I look for red flags everywhere…under rugs, behind curtains, I’m in love and terrified. So far, things keep getting better and better, yet I’m still apprehensive most days. When will the shoe drop? When will he have enough of me and turn into a monster? I’m 66 now and I’m still healing from a lifetime of emotional and physical abuse. I pray daily that that is all in the past. I wish us all here the best lives ever. Let the healing begin!

@@petmom74 just make sure you always keep a sense of independence, your own place, your own friends, your own money.

@@khakininja how are you after 11 weeks ? Are you no contact with your ex ?

You want love, don't be depressed. Have faith that God doesn't want us to suffer and that he has someone for you. Don't give up, be kind to yourself 😊 your worth it. Try and make a plan and get away, they purposely get us almost addicted to them because when we do leave it feels like we are going to die, it just hurts and trust the process. I promise you can get through it, it will probably be one of the hardest things that you will have to do, but after time you will heal and be able to breathe again.

Same

I was in a similar boat recently. God was telling me for a full year to leave this man. I had a string of “bad luck.” With the sky. The last straw was my shark attack at the beach. He said that I ruined the vacation on the first day and the first hour. I was in the ocean, and both of my feet were attacked by a shark that the locals saw. I didn’t see it. he treated me terribly the whole entire time. He did it everything that he was supposed to do but with a blind rage. He had different plans for the vacation… From the looks of the camera, equipment, and tripod. Once I could get away from him (on a remote island in North Carolina), I didn’t look back. I also had loved him with everything I had, and thought I had met the best man possible! Like my friend said… When a person shows you their true colors, don’t stick around for another episode of it. My pastor said “it’s not the first time. God used a fish to get their attention. Lol.

It is not easy to be alone, but it is easier than alone with someone. The latter is cruel, and gradually might bring us to very very dark thoughts, and god forbid, further. Go!! Please, go!! I was able to do that, but never was able to fix my physical health as I suffered for too long emotionally. Just go…

God will help you He did me. I grew up with a narc mom so if I was able to break free you can too. It was like I wasnt even me and I said God please help and He stepped in. I am so much better today and was a mess of a person and suicidal. You can do this!!!❤

I needed to hear this. Thank you

YEP. Shadow work here involves healing with BOUNDARIES, and when you have standards and boundaries you have to also have CONSEQUENCES, and you hold to your consequences, bc they protect you, and for someone who is mutually respectful- they protect the relationship too. Top Gurus in the field in: Dr. RAMANI (YT channel is a life saver and community of narc survivors), TARA BRACH for self acceptance and healing with self love, GABOR MATÉ for discontinuing the patterns of people pleasing, BRENE BROWN for shame. You are not alone, and for many of us it started in childhood❤ Stay Strong!

Thank you Jimmy, that was such a help to me. Thank you, thank you. Liz.

Thank you

So true! My therapist has been telling me lately that in a healthy environment, people argue and move on. Not tolerating everything is part of a relationship. So even if we don't see eye to eye in a topic, we still love each other at the end of the day. And this is something I have never experienced in my life with my narcissistic mother! Any time I don't agree with her, she would give me the silent treatment, or throw a tantrum.

Thank you 🦋

Situationship is a relationship, just one where they alleviated their sense of being responsible for their impact on your emotional safety. Hope you find healing in therapy and confidence to not settle for any violations of boundaries, or for less than you desire/need to feel loved and respected!

Those suck all the more

Been there, my friend. It really was a one-sided caring relationship. Even though, it was only 3 mos and no sex. I was told I was too much of a challenge for him, so he discarded me. I realized I needed to understand all the red flags and the dysfunctional attachment types. The pain and damage was deep. It helped me to see the unhealed parts I carried from childhood. Please don't blame your beautiful empathic self and I commend you for doing the work...keep going. Also, please be careful to share only with experienced therapists, Jimmy's advice, and the comments shared here. Unless someone has gone through this they have no idea nor will they give good advice. Recovery took me 6 to 7 months and I'm an Energy Healer/Artist. Rumination sucked...as I'm an Aquarian and we need to know why. In reality, he could never love and never took responsibility to change. I am positive he is well aware of what he does. Stay strong @KatlegoAnne

​@@margeebarth3196 wish you were my friend 🙏 thanks for sharing

Right

I hear you! 30 yrs with one, argghgh

34 years, and raised by BPD. Awful.

42.5 years married here. Divorced 7.5 years now. Never even knew the word narcissist till after I left him. Betrayal Trauma also fits my situation. Hugs to all.

I understand where you coming from: mum was toxic and have had lots of toxic friendships and relationships. I settled and had children with my ex believing that I deserved to be treated badly because I was faulty

I'm 24 years in and it has also recently been revealed to me what she is. I always knew that there was something "off" about her, but now, thanks to videos like these, I've planned my escape. I filed for divorce weeks ago. This whole situation is sad and just sick. I can't believe I gave 24 years of my life to her. I also recently found out she had a 15-year affair. I'm out!

I’m sorry Sadly I can relate with your story Gaslighting then blaming you When you won’t accept it as your fault

I can totally relate to your story, this happened with me too. Virtual hugs ❤

It sounds exactly like my ex

Wow you could have been describing me. We’re done !

I am so proud of you! Life gets better after you leave for good, trust me. I left my abuser 2 moths ago and i feel so free now. Praying for your safety and for your happiness❤️

Spot on! I've got a couple of pairs like that!😅

I'm not interested anymore in trying to manage someone's baggage. I'll travel life alone.

You can date again, but do it very differently this time and Very, very slowly... Don't agree to sleep with a man for very long time - at least for over a year or until you will definitely be sure that he is very serious and Not playing about you... Most of men will fall off,when you will have that attitude, but don't worry about it and take it easy... Just keep dating randomly and one day you will meet the one... But, that might happen sooner than you think... Untill the time when a man offered a marriage or showed a proper and very consistent loving and caring behaviour towards you, until then and only till then, just treat him only as a friend and don't romanticise him or them...

You can date again, but do it very differently this time and Very, very slowly... Don't agree to sleep with a man for very long time - at least for over a year or until you will definitely be sure that he is very serious and Not playing about you... Most of men will fall off,when you will have that attitude, but don't worry about it and take it easy... Just keep dating randomly and one day you will meet the one... But, that might happen sooner than you think... Untill the time when a man offered a marriage or showed a proper and very consistent loving and caring behaviour towards you, until then and only till then, just treat him only as a friend and don't romanticise him or them...

@@OrianaAnjou 💝

How do u react in gaslighting in a hospital scene that I have 7 months of not being admitted and I need to be operated ,and I'm just needing now ,a chronic illness should not be treated lightly but I' love advocating ,who is feeling FEAR and knowing ur going to get sicker because my family also is not that support system ,yes they care all that u said I've been around not safe ,I'm not going to take it lightly ,,good luck people

Thinking your in survival mode and taking the man pants and healing from hosputao l trauma ,I'm pretty sure people would put honecare ,well I'm relying people 20 years ago it was not his way ,everyone is NOT difficult ull know in 5 min u talk to someone

I am so sorry beautiful. Remember it was not you, they have a massive void in their hearts and don't care about anything but fulfilling their needs. Don't let it poison your heart, set your boundries and go love again ❤

You will find love again. There are good men out there (I'm one of them!) so just persevere. 6 days is fresh but you'll get through this.

I fell for the love bombing too. I didn’t know it was love bombing. In therapy learning how to recognize this

Same with me, but with a woman

No he didn't break you coz you're still here and healing/healed and strong

I relate to you so much. When he broke up, it was actually funny that I had no idea who I was anymore. Its been 4 years. Last year he texted again when he broke up with his new gf and asked me if we could meet. I knew all his tricks. I knew not a word he says means anything. Yet when he said he is depressed, I felt bad and made the worst decision of my life to meet him. He is back with his ex now. And my healing journey is back to square one. How pathetic! I hate myself!

​@_iam1533 Don't hate yourself. This is how they operate. Leave everyone in a damaged state. You know better for next time. Hang in there. Healing feels like it's taking forever...butbone day you will be on the other side and healed and happy!

I am you 3 years ago, after 16 years I left his house with nowhere to go. Lived with my mum until I moved into a rented apartment last Monday. It's been difficult, I am glad to hear that you are doing much better and hope I will be the same.

I used to make notes too! In conversations with him i realized i would never say the things i wanted to before because he dominated every conversation in very subtle ways and just turned everything around leaving me feeling like i was SO wrong. Then i started writing down what i wanted to say and read it to him. It didnt help, he just said i was remembering stuff wrong or that i was at fault or whatever. It was horrible. Now thinking back on this stuff i always get a feeling of being trapped in my chest.

@@Satsusss every second, time moves forward. You are always healing. ❤️‍🩹 grief isn’t linear and it won’t always feel like it, but it’s true. Best to you love ❤️

I genuinely want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm committed to making it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to mend things.

I appreciate your direction. I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.

Welcome.

God bless you. Society needs good and holy men to stand up and protect their families. God is going to abundantly bless you.

If only one person is trying to resolve an issue, it will not work...and that's exactly what happens when someone is in a relationship with a narcissist. The only resolve they want I'd what feeds them....not what feeds BOTH people.

Great decision making on your part. Very courageous.

Hi there, I get it. Same for me w my ex. Hei, to encourage you, it's a sad miserable cruel world out there who doesn't get it many a times, men also go thru suffering and pain, we re talking ab a spouse here... That shows you were authentic and loved her. Focus on ur healing and self love and be w the ones, few I know, that get you. Blessings

That is a classic description of NPD.

My heart goes out to you. When I've witnessed abuse, physically or verbally, by a woman towards another man, I've always called it out. I think American culture almost encourages women to complain and be nasty towards their partners and I think it's terrible. It's VERY common. We have to hold each other accountable in society.

I see and believe you.

This is so powerful and so beautiful thank you. I commend your courage and appreciate you for sharing so very much. Bless you. 😊

The light at the end - and during. You are inspiring and a beautiful writer. Thank you for sharing!!❤️

Yeah. I'm finally learning the part about our nervous systems. It's really hard to finally accept the fact that mine is simply wired poorly. I mean, I am more like a quintessential "man's man" at least in many aspects and scenarios. But I'm also wired (probably from childhood trauma, like everyone else, I'm finding out) for closeness and a tight bond with my "significant other." I want to be linked tightly with that person. And I want to get excited at the mere thought of her. But I want it to be reciprocated. Which for the first several years it was. It was wonderful! But I can't be the only one continuing to put that effort in, right? I mean, this person is supposed to be my "partner" in life... With all things. But after 17 years of staying and fighting for the relationship, no matter what. Keeping it together and as wonderful as I possibly can... I'm still left with basically nothing. Wanting and needing more, that I just can't seem to get. Always left feeling alone, to hurt and to deal with these things on my own. With the reaction being that classic "I'm sorry I didn't know" or "I guess I don't understand" act! Still. Smh Which, I'm now guessing, is maybe true. Maybe she just doesn't get it, or understand those types of deep feelings? That's a really hard thing to accept, though. So I'm basically hanging onto threads, atp. Of what was, and of what I'm hoping "could be." It's difficult to actually face the fact that it's not enough. When you do genuinely love that person. Who, at their best, feels like your home or your comfort. What makes it worse, as a man, is the way others react or dismiss your feelings. Especially as a pretty tall, "muscular or fit" looking guy. I'm not sure on how to describe it... But you get treated like you're just being weak. Or that you're being a baby about things, when you truly care. When you express deep hurt & pain, you get the eye rolls and the dismissive statements, from anyone you try to talk to about it. Which leaves you feeling so lost, and completely trapped within yourself. With no hope and nowhere to turn. At times it feels like I'm coming out of my skin, it hurts so badly and feels so hopeless & helpless. I've gotten a tiny bit better, I guess? Maybe? After the last few months of totally falling apart, that is. But I still have a many moments where I feel absolutely crushed by the pain of it all. And by the obsessive thoughts about everything, from the entire relationship, that I just can't seem to shake. Oddly, it's mainly the good thoughts & memories that pop up the most frequently, and just won't seem to dissipate or go away. Which makes it even harder. Even though I know how irrational it sounds to others, I can't imagine having to be without her, or having to find someone new. Having to admit, to myself and everyone else, that I was this wrong about it all. For this long! Ugh. It's just overwhelming. Especially when I think about the trash state of the dating world that seems to be out there. Just the thought of having to get back out there, into all that, feels exhausting! 😫 Anyway, I'm clumsily trying to say that I get it. And I commiserate. I'm sorry that you, and so many others, have also had to go through this also. It feels like it just shouldn't be so common, as it is! But maybe that's just the childlike dreamer in me, that longingly wishes for a more ideal world? Idk? 🤷🏻‍♂️ I wish you all the best. I'm sure you'll be fine though. It seems easier for attractive women, from my standpoint. Although, I guess that could be a misconception also?! Lol That's just the way it always appears to us men, anyway. It is crazy though, the way opposites tend to attract. Which it seems is exactly the reason we get hurt, or that it ends up so bad. Strange, painful lives we live, huh.

Thank you to share your story, Im almost there ! I need the courage and the strengt to do it ! ❤

@@MarkusKayl_ it's very hard. And few people can understand us. Ive had that experience and the new person was really unable to deal with how hurt and confused I was and made it all about him. No matter what, some of us understand. We just have to remember that. We are ok

Firstly sorry for the 11 years of abuse you suffered. I did 8 and I can understand somewhat. After 3 years, I'm still not ready to date. I know I'll either choose the wrong person or potentially ruin something special by not being emotionally stable enough.

Two years after leaving I also tried dating. Dated a man for about a year that I actually felt safe with. That was so scary. It felt wrong that he was kind to me. Like I was always waiting for the ulterior motive. First time we fell asleep cuddling I had a panic attack because he fell asleep without any expectations of me. Feeling safe was such a foreign feeling that I just bawled like I did something wrong. We only lasted a year (no one's fault, just not enough in common), but I learned so much and decided I needed time to work on myself, my fears and insecurities. I won't settle now until I find a relationship that makes me feel safe.

I'm so sorry that you feel like you can't leave but you must! I've been there with my ex, not having my birthday or mother's day acknowledged too. Sending you love ❤

I was reading your comment thinking it was my own! I did this exact thing. It’s something we attract…but that doesn’t mean we deserve their abuse. I promise you..if you just ask yourself..what would I tell my son or daughter to do if they were in my situation. I would tell them they need to leave to save their future mental health. I broke off my second marriage a year after he moved in. Your body will reject them before your mind. It’s very hard to make that leap; but I know it’s a must; or I will end up too weak and broken to walk away. Sending you all the courage and light you need to move on. Save yourself. Save your energy. Keep your sanity intact. ❤

I was married 40 years. When I left, I lived in my car for years. I found that I even tolerated abuse and mistreatment from casual friends. I'd rather be alone in my car than with any abusive person, spouse, lover, or friend. Work on healing before you make any decisions, but make your decision based on what is best for you.

You can leave this man! I married 3 narcissistic! Live and learn. Love yourself enough to take care of you❤

I promise, while there are many narcissists out there, and everyone has their narcissistic moments, there ARE MEN WHO WILL TREAT YOU WELL! There are men that will resolve conflict respectfully, who will put you first and accept the love you offer them. I know it's hard to leave! My heart and prayers go out to you! I'm a life coach and see so many people who allow fears to hold them back, it's so so so normal, and you can work through your fears and find love and peace and your beautiful self! I see people do it all the time! Hang in there!

seems like you have a talent picking them

well When your raised by it im sure its harder to pull away from it

@@derrevolutor6347 Way to make someone feel like shit for their decisions. It takes time to see how someone really is, and they even said they are now getting away from people like that, so good on them. Let's try to be kind m'kay?

@@derrevolutor6347 🤐

​@@paulaneary7877 not entirely true, i dont know what kind of person OP is. However i can see a pattern, OP seems to be pushing the idea that the men she picked turned out to be the same. Maybe take a retrospection to understand what is the underlying cause making OP turn to the same type of person all the time? So much self work that needs to be done. Because in the end, it is OP choices.

@@bluetopguitar1104 2,000. My parents first of all. It really helped

500 isnt quite far enough ima need about 1500

EXACTLY

He’s nearly 4,000 miles away. And he still hurt me like this.

This story made me teared.

Amen Pauline - if I have to choose a silver lining with leaving was this- The Romantic feelings are dead - now healing from all the other stuff that happened.

me too, I'm struggling

I genuinely want to find happiness as well. I've got someone special in my life, and even though we're not together at the moment, I can't picture my life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm all in to make it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to fix stuff.

Saying goodbye to someone you cherish is consistently difficult, yet in my case, I received support from a spiritual advisor who kept my marriage intact. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

I'll swiftly look her up online. Thanks. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will bring about positive changes for me too; her absence is deeply felt.

I promise you will not regret it.

SuzanneANNE Walters? Sounds like something a bull$hit bot wld say. Just sayin. Careful out there

As for ''official diagnosis'', as this is not biology etc. but matters of the mind, there is nothing that can replace life experience in truly knowing what NPD is, not even an arm's length list of degrees. It's the one disorder that makes everyone around thems life impossible not their own.

I feel for you

I feel for you I worry about that all of the time and can imagine the pain. That feels so unfair because it's like they've been poisoned from seeing things as they are while at the same time wondering why they don't feel emotionally safe or afraid to tell him anything

If you don't mind me asking - when you say "lost" your son are you speaking to the relationship with him?

People do throw around narcissist a lot, even narcs themselves do it. But one of the traits for sure is they never take accountability for anything, and they never truly apologize to people... It's like their brains can't compute because they seriously lack emotional empathy. That's really what a narc is, a person that lacks the ability to feel empathy even slightly.

Same thing happened to me, after couples of months going no contact, i met my ex at the court to finalize the divorce paper. U know what at the very moment i saw her, my anger kicked in not because i had anger issues but for what she has done to me, it was a horrible moment honestly.

@@LeQuan-ug1gd 💗 it's horrible what it does and that they just cannot see it.

@@MajorieRoyal They know what they’re doing, because they do it mostly in private and put on the charitable victim face in public. They know!

25 years, 20 married to him. My husband isn’t a narc, he is emotionally immature with no introspective qualities. He keeps trying to fix his outward persona instead of healing his core wounding. I have watched him reinvent himself many times, but he eventually goes back into his depression, blames me for his unhappiness, brings out his laundry list of my flaws and how I made him this way (I didn’t-his long term friends told me years ago he is jealous-that’s just how he is), and he still wants me to do all of the changing to save our marriage and be a better partner for him. Bruh, I did do all of the changing and accommodating. Now I am no longer willing to just acquiesce to his version of events. They shift with his moods, and what is most convenient for him in the moment. Logic has left the building, but “logic” is tool he uses to shut me up. I am glad to see a man here that has gone through it, too, not because of your pain, but because you are committed to learning and healing. I admire that. Have a good one.

27 years and 10 months for me

Oh god..that's so horrible... for me im just in highschool but my ex ok he was narcissistic af not only that I also got physically abused stalked around bullied he spread lies and rumours about me he silent treated me and was always the victim, made someone naive and sweet and strong like me break down in front of the whole school oh my god can you imagine this guy was 16 years old...

​@@magiveemSo sorry you had to experience that, no one deserves it. Like most of us, you're probably a very kind & empathetic person that was targeted. You're young and have that on your side, so learn from the lesson now and set those healthy boundaries. You deserve the best in life. You don't want to learn this in your 50s after 27 years of a traumatic marriage & the guilt of what you put your children through. It hurts too much. 😢 Blessings to you ❤

​@@simplyblessed7036Same here. Praise be to God I'm finally free! No more drama, only peace ❤

@@madeleinegravett dus hé realy apologize? Because most of them say: I’m sorry you feel that way and that’s not an apologi…

@@Metube-l8d it felt and seemed like a heartfelt apology but eventually I realised that it was just talk... A real apolgy implies change in behaviour, which there wasn't....

Oh my gosh!😢 ugh! I’m so sorry that is deep. Whew! That burns. Bless you in moving forward.❤

That’s insane. I feel for you. No one should be taken advantage of by a mental health professional. It’s an imbalanced dynamic just on its face, and an intimate one because you are vulnerable. Thank you for sharing so we can be forewarned. You are kind for doing so.

That IS illegal. Report them to their state board.

Report it

Its wild how many of us are out here that this is all true for... 💙💙

Agree, the feeling safe part was a new way of looking at it for me and really resonated. I never felt safe. I'll use that as a benchmark in future with new people. If they make me feel unsafe like that, I'm gone. (Unsafe as a separate thing from the strangeness and new-ness of being treated well, because I know that for those raised in abusive households, safety and kindness and feel kinda weird. But that is distinct and different to that awful pain of feeling emotionally unsafe with a narc)

Congrats Tabitha!

Awesome

You are very precious and strong and you will come out of it, stronger! Jesus loves you and He wants to help you in this journey. ❤

@@athenafarrell5127 💝

I tried 11 years😢

So proud of you for protecting your peace. I stayed too long and went back too often believing deep down that he wanted to be better but just never learned how. The reality is, if he truly cared about you, he would have sought help on his own and actively worked on himself to stop hurting you. And you would have seen real and permanent progress within 2-3 months. I believe narcissistic abusers can definitely love another person, but their type of love is like a slow poison. Don’t beat yourself up for taking narcissistic bs for so long - it’ll teach you a life long lesson to have a high bs meter and a low bs tolerance.

I feel you. You’ll need the utmost willpower in this situation to see the truth and not delude yourself to get back to that. It will take so much time and immediate effort and discomfort to move on and become better, but that’s better than the long term pain and ultimate dead end you would experience with this person. Just remember that in the end, being with such a person again would result in so much pain and shattered dreams and disappointment, as it did time and time again. Wish you the best

Be strong. Love is not everything. Respect and mutual will to do things right and in peace is equally important. It is surely difficult but if you have already made that step - don't look back. We need to love ourselves first, because only this way we will attract the right person.

I think one of most annoying thing when they try to cheer you up... making you feel its not a big deal ,and only you affected

The most annoying part when they try to cheer you up... making you feel it's not a big deal, only you affected not them

This one hits hard..every "you felt this.." "this happened.." I'm like check, check. Ugh.

❤❤❤

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Not a good therapist if they don't allow you to discuss the abuser and what happened to you.

@@DSW-dq5bx i think Laura was the one who did not bring the Subject to the conversation but if the relationship caused so much harm i believe to talk about self is most important but about him also

Crap therapist

Eventually with time and healing you will let it go something so much better out there and now you know the red flags most don't or their entangled in the behavior of narcs

It gets better with time

Don't cry please xxxxxx 😢I feel your pain believe me

@@seg6629 Thank you so so much 👏unbearable pain. God bless you. You have a wonderful heart dear unknown friend ❤

@@brigitte2217 xxxx bless you sweetheart, xx I'm here for you xxx I feel it too xx

@@seg6629 Thank you. I can feel your pain also 😞

I super agree with you. 💛

Absolutely, 100 % !

I agree wholeheartedly- As someone who has been estranged from a 15 year old narc marriage for a year now - I know my voids/holes within made me and my ex a match made in hell. These patterns of wanting attention - belonging- just being accepted as I am - was there before. It's not my fault I was raised in a narc like way but am taking accountability for building the skills and traits that will raise red flags with dealing with people in all capacities for the rest of my life. One thing that is helping me stay grounded - is I am willing to be alone forever and building a life that is fulfilling singular to any relationship is my North Star.

This is so well said. As a person who has recognized the running theme of narc relationships in their life, I now look at that coin and see myself on the other side.

In reality it is good that the red flags are known instead of being entanglement with those narc behaviors, I'm learning and growing I dealt with narc behavior over 20 years I'm done door closed never again , I now see I was blind I'm just grateful to know what is narc behavior so if I was to get into another relationship I would know right away of narcissism, been through hell literally but the Lord does have something better for me , old behaviors on my end like trying to make it work with someone that does not care is over , when they show you who they truly are believe it and let it go and learning to take care of me is challenging but always room to do so , also everyone makes mistakes but if they can't hold to what is true and stop that narc behavior it should be bye bye see you later , don't go back to them either patterns don't lie especially if they continue on their end it will not work out , I hope this helps you today , you are not alone , there is another channel I watch called narc daily on RU-vid that might be helpful for you as well , take care

Dogs are the best comfort that i have also,found because they know how to love . ❤️

Or a friend

Hence, the temper tantrums. A true child by all accounts 😂

Or an adult child who has serious anger towards his mom, but needs you to mother him because he's never been nurtured and eventually hates you for it...because you are NOT her and it should have been HER showing him that kindness. Blaaaah. That was confusing to type even. 😂

Never too late, courage à vous! ✊️

@brileo037 I can relate to everything you said... everything... Can we be friends? Pen pals?

Can we be friends? Pen pals?

I relate to everything you said.....everything

i am 38 and just separated from my husband 3 months ago. did you have one hobby as a kid everyone told you that you could not make money of, but fills you with so much joy of life, that everything else becomes unimportant? i just restarted song writing. you don't need to master. just be in that state of joy to rediscover yourself..

It's called breaking chains not your fault for that

You're perfectly describing the situation I'm in :(

thank you for this comment, I teared up. It perfectly describes what i went through.

I am truly sorry for both of you for going through such an emotionally painful experience! But you can both do it and you'll come out of it stronger and wiser🙏💪

You did well. I really liked your post. You are on a big Road to recovery

Hi Tammy, how's your day going with you?

Good for you u got away most don't make it out alive , all things will work out for your good the lord is moving he always does , give yourself hugs and take care of your self and know you are not alone either ❤

I recently exploded. It took 14 months. After three months the cracks appeared Everything was a problem. My male friends, my clothes. I work in a gym and I wear leggings for work, but according to him that's inappropriate and all I was doing was trying to draw attention to myself because I'm a wh@re and a sl@t. He would bring me flowers to apologise and then abuse me again for something else. I couldn't keep up with the list of things I couldn't say or do. But finally I flipped. I kept all my knowledge and all his lies I caught him in and then threw them at him, all at once. He didn't know what to say. I left and felt a huge relief, but for a short time. Because he didn't leave . Texts and turning up at my gym. So when I blocked him, he turned up at my house. He wanted to talk. When he didn't like my answers he went straight back to abusing me. I have now had to contact the police. He twisted everything, I heard him change a whole story Infront of me. I was lucky I had a random person at the gym witness what he had done because he had turned a whole scenario on its head and accused me of lying about it. The memory and distorted reality games they play is awful. I had a stroke six years ago, so before I left that day, I made it clear. This is not the hill I'm willing to die on, you are not worth it. Go get help and stay away from me. It's still not over, for him, but for me. I will never look back.

See 🦆,🐓,🐍,🪰 yes 📝noted and believe it. "Snake change skin, to become bigger." 📍🔨Nailed. Distance is new normal.❤

If a man or woman does not honor their Ex, even an Ex with problems, they will not honor you.

Most don't make it out alive

This video I like and needed to hear over 20 years of dealing with narc behavior is at it end done door closed and not opening, I see I was blind know I know what the red flags are ,

Healthy boundaries

Yes. This is all it takes. It's the bottom line. So simple. And yet it is the hardest thing to see. Ànd do. Consistently.

Hardest thing in the world to do. I finally had met 'the one' who was my reward for all the previous crap. Was so hard to accept that this was just yet more crap, and 'the one' is yet somewhere else, if they exist at all. The grief of the false dream is nearly worse than the abuse