As an infj with ESTJ dad and INFP mom. I have CPTSD. Moved to a new environment met nice better people got an infj best friend, made me feel so good about myself Feeling a lot better than that house.
Here I’m, INFJ (first time ever admitting it openly because I finally have the guts to take this step to face the truth) with an abusive ESTJ mother, who had said all the worst things mentioned in this video that can be said to an INFJ, every single day. I had implanted the narrative in my brain that my existence was useless, every single day, by my own mother, on top of other kinds of verbal and non-verbal abuse. I was at the edge of resting in peace for good. I looked for the best way to end my life so that no one would notice before I actually died. I thought through all available options. It was the risk of being discovered too early that prevented me from doing it at the end. I asked people if my mother was right. Then, people told me « your mother must have her reasons for saying things like that to you ». Well, why? Because the world that we live in worships motherhood, regardless the mothers are good or not. I took years to understand what my mother had done. Then, I cut all contact with my whole family (ESTP father, ENTJ younger sister and ISFP younger brother) and all relatives, like I’m now an orphan. (I’d rather be an orphan for orphans know from the very beginning that they are abandoned.) Yet, it doesn’t mean things are ok. I’m still learning to unlearn that I am worthless. I’ve never been in any normal relationships and I do not expect I will ever be. I have that anger in me that I find no way to ease. I imagined writing a book called “there is a crime called mothering”, I want to have a petition to the United Nations, making Mother’s Day also the Death Anniversary of Abused Children. I hope I will be doing all of these one day…
Please read the book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. I believe it will help you a lot. We INFJ have the ability to look into our subconscious and knowing the message from our subconscious through dream. Thats why we can heal faster than any other types. Hope you will get better soon.
I'm a INFJ and I've been in the long process of healing from the abuse of my ESTJ father for a long time. Its been a journey of two steps forward and one step back due to life circumstances. Most of the healing started after I moved away and had the room to grow and the encouragement from my roommate/best friend to try new things and work on artistic projects with him (God bless ISFPs). My whole life I had the mentality of literally having to be perfect due to my dad being hyper critical about honest mistakes any kid/teen would make and then would gaslight me into thinking I'm entirely worthless. Like I would trip on a rug or something and spill my drink and he'd go ballistic, or I would be totally unaware of something that no one ever told me about and he'd assume everyone should know that and would automatically assume I'm unintelligent at everything. Except he didnt teach me shit like he should have. Its so wrong and it didn't help that my ENFJ mom stopped trying to defend me also.
3 minutes in, and the emotions already well up extremely strong. I've lost count, how many ENFPs have inserted guilt in me. I've lived for over 2 decades, being convinced that I was the most evil person on the entire planet. Because it's not about what's true, it's about what people believe is true. And they convinced others to join in on the mass execution. And when I ask them, what I have done wrong (Using my Te to verify), they give no answer. Because there is no answer. They'd have to admit, of just giving their wrath to me, for no reason. I was forced to remove myself from an entire good community. Just because this one depraved person, in a high position no less, does not admit his wrongs. This powerlessness, against manipulative abusers. Who round up a huge mass, and then go witch hunting with torches and forks. Only thing you can do, is receive the whip. Like an endless loop, over and over again. An endless torture.
Good video. I never realized until recently that the reason I'm still going strong is that I unconsciously search for opinions or something that contradicts what my abusers used to told me many times just so that I know I'm normal. Who knew my Ti child is trying to save my ass from believing all the bs, it's an interesting ride and my mind is like trying to fight against those opinions. Knowing why they said it and knowing why I behave in a certain way from multiple perspectives gives me more control how I can direct my life in a way that I wanted to.
hi other infjs. it took me a long time to figure this out and would like to share it with you. almost everyone has an inner critic. a voice in your head that keeps you sharp and (if it is healthy) gives constructive criticism. for example: I forgot to buy a gift for a friend, and my inner critic says; make sure you buy it for her soon so she doesn't feel forgotten; an unhealthy inner critic, for example, would say ; you're a really bad friend and she won't like you anymore. You are so stupid! how your parents used to talk to you as a child, forms the way your inner critic talks to you later in life. an unhealthy inner critic lies to you, and can have serious consequences in your life if you continue to believe it. in extreme form it is seen as c-ptsd. pete walker's book has helped me a lot personally. sorry for my long post, but maybe it will help some of you. CS Joseph thanks for the video.
Great video. I'll dare say this is already helping INFJ's away from suicide. Thank you so much. We struggle with buying every premise with Te trickster and making sense of it with Ti child. That's why getting away from gaslighters is crucial. The thing is, learning who they are is very hard, and you don't always have someone to help you with that. But what I now know is there are many people ready to give their opinion of you despite knowing nothing about your struggles or successes. They try to add to a life they've never seen. Also, if someone gives you advice on how to get better, their opinion matters. If they always tear you down without any encouragement whatsoever, not really. Don't forget to watch this video often, though. I know how hard it gets to not internalize the judgement
I’m INFJ and found out a few weeks ago that my colleague is a narcissist and I didn’t see that one earlier. The gaslighting, the manipulation,… the complete lie. It almost made me throw up when I saw those pieces of the puzzle fall together. It took me weeks to find stability again and to see what to do with it. Still I am not sure, to be honest. He’s not the devil, but he’s not sincere and the connection I thought we had, was never there. We have plans to go cycling in the French mountains in 4 months, but I don’t feel anything for that anymore, to be honest. Bah. These kind of videos are helping well. It explains a lot about my behavior, thinking and feeling. Thanks, man!
I've been gaslighting by my ESFJ mother growing up. I never healed from that and fell in love with an abusive ESFJ girl that lasted throughout high school and college. A summer ago got gaslighted by her, my brother and her friend. Then later fell for an abusive ENFP. I'm now a hella loner. Hella trust issues. Typically only find self love and peace when I'm by myself. And not sure if I still believe in love. Met an INFP friend, thought that would be cool from what I heard from other INFJ's. Took her out to the movies last night, only to find out she's also abusive. Wondering if everyone is abusive to someone that refuses to abuse others, or am I just only attracting toxic people. Either or. Your page is a safe haven for many. Thank you so much!
Bro, no joke, I was accused of engaging in a smear campaign just for bringing some abuse I suffered to light. This accusation, also gaslighting! The need for some Te users to control the narrative at all times is really sick, and it needs to be exposed. My job to do so? Maybe.
I really appreciate all your advice to infjs. You helped me to stop letting Fi beat me up. Helped me stabilize and Im able to teach my entj son not to let his Fi beat him up either ❤
I can personally verify that what he's saying is absolutely true. I've been through that situation many times, abusers can see that you're vulnerable, once you can perceive that they are trying to gaslight you, recognize that you'll never fix the relationship. They are your mortal enemy, doorslam their sorry arses, get out of there. Go into "fight mode" if need be✌️
I agree with everything except one thing. I'm an INFJ, and indeed constantly I am in abusive situations, but that we "believe" or don't see it coming is off. Actually an ESTP who was a close friend for over 10 years and arguably is narcissistic, used every trick in the book to gaslight me. But it's different then it looks, cus I see WAY ahead exactly what he will do, and I always see when someone is trying to gaslight or lie. But I LET THEM do it anyway. That is the catch. It's like knowing exactly what will happen I can even pinpoint and explain it better then they knew what they are doing, I even came up with the concept of logical fallacies before knowing about them, just to explain the complex ways of their manipulation. We see exactly what they are doing but STILL let them do it, cus this insane urge for connection, and attachment and fear of being abandoned. While completely being aware of the gaslighting and exactly how it's done. While not believing anything they are trying to gaslight us about, but completely pretending that we do, in order to get along with them. But pretending that we believe their nonsense affects us emotionally AS IF we believe it. * On the same page, INFP's on the other hand I just find annoying cus they think they are getting away with lies and false narratives, and it's very easy to see but they keep persisting on it so hard, they literally just don't give up trying to persist a frame and don't want to compromise or admit when their tricks are figured out. And it's annoying like "really, you are doing That again...?" and they just keep doing it.
Hey Chase, been a while since I've checked in with your channel, good to see you've grown to 60k, congrats mate, you deserve it for your quality content. I've been delving into astrology so kinda left MBTI on the back burner for a bit but will be fun catching up. P (infj)
Thank you so much for answering this question. My little sister has a tough time with with this and just asked me how she could help stop this in her personal life.
I just want you to know that your story about your friend made me shed tears for you. I am so, so sorry for your loss and I hate that you feel so guilty about it. I wish you wouldn't blame yourself because life really does just get away from us sometimes the older we get and you shouldn't be held accountable for that. By yourself or others. I think the fact that you feel this way alone makes you a good friend.
This explains a lot. Even when its not a personal issue. Example- listening to a podcaster claiming something that my intuition says No, I dont think so, sounds like BS, I still search around the internet for others opinions. I didnt realize that was an INFJ thing. I always think why are others so sure of themselves?
I’m an INTP whom always got along extremely well with INFJ, except for this one former female bestie. It got to the point she would gaslight and guilt tripping for not being emotionally attentive enough, but would start ghosting a lot, so I wind up unfriending her.
Are you an Infj? I think each type has their own cross to bear as the "toughest" functions to live with are subjective. Still I think in society some types are massively favored over others which leads to difficulty with certain types (like Infjs). My sister is a pretty Infj woman who struggles with self esteem. She has some fantastic qualities but things definitely weigh on her where she questions her value. I personally wish she would stop that. I try to reassure how valued she is (at least to me and certainly her daughter who thinks she's the sun and the stars). My niece is a 5 year old who calls her mother princess Celestia (from the show my little pony) because she sees her as the ideal version of having the same qualities (a super cute thing to see).
@@mrod8578 then seems like we are agreeing, society favors certain types making it harder for the others to live. No coincidence that certain types disproportionately are depressed and lull themselves
@@Brickwilliams pretty sure ISPs have the hardest time with addiction and depression. Se pessimistic with Ni optimistic below it leads to bad decisions, and Fi/Ti dominant leads to biased decision making.
Rest in peace to your friend. I am grateful to your advice for helping put my mind in the right direction. I stopped gaslighting myself, cut abusers out, and no longer take things too personally. My mission is to be great to people in this world, and I know I can't help everyone and that's fine. But that won't change who I am.
I became homeless after getting all of the losers and abusers out of my life It was an homeless entp who had been in jail who helped me out tremendously I guess because I mirror who I’m around I was able to be a little more strong and confident maybe I started saving documents, screenshots, and emails then filing police reports on shady people trying to mess with me immediately .. and the people I file them on act shocked and surprised Yeah I work door dash and Uber eats but if I feel low balled I ALWAYS call and ASK for more pay… and I get it Im mostly stable financially and can provide myself the basics. There’s nothing fancy or glamorous but I’m healthy and safe. REAL grounded and down to earth and aware of the value of a dollar. I guess this is what you’d call Si demon turned angelic
INFJ warrior mode helps tremendously in threat identification. Only the human being at times adopts varied game postures. Humans can be our own worst enemy. Stay safe, & be well!
i have always wondered , why do some people abuse to begin with? i wish if i had power to stop humans from becoming abusive, better then trying to avoid it, in this day and age its hard to avoid abuse and it almost more realistic to get to the root of that problem and eradicate it completely, if only someone in power could study the hormones of every infant before they are born and set a life route for them to take so they become more efferent and functional and don't burden society, other wise wars will never end.
Yeah, I suffered from this alot. But it came to a point where I just separated myself from people and let them in verrrry slowly, and learned to reflect, spend time and examine with my Ti child if what people tell me is actually correct. I learned to detach myself emotionally, but as I can't lie, I'll always have issues with self worth. Integrity is not easy in my case. I kind of figured out how to detach and benefit myself first which is very hard to do. I am not an expert at it, but I want to continue to push it harder, ultimately lead by example. Also I have to tell myself every then and now, I am not a victim. And I rebuke and refuse to be one.
Thank you for this video Chase. I'm sorry for the loss of your INFJ friend, I hope you know you are helping many of us with your content and have probably saved the lives of many others. I was in a 6 year abusive relationship and if your content was out then it would have opened my eyes to the abuse. It is because of my ENTP boyfriend that I was able to let go of that abusive person, It is because of him that I feel truly loved for who I am. I can't wait to deep dive into the EgoHacking Your Fear course! 😁
@@aladdout9454 It's hard to know for certain because of all the abuse but I wish I knew. I've narrowed it down to the possibility he could be ESFP, ENTJ, ISFP because I know for certain he is Pragmatic and Wayfarer seems more fitting than Templar/Crusader and I know He's not a INTJ.
Good to hear that you are still acquaintances with the infj mentor, all things considered. And maybe its the infj in me, but "abuse" is such a relative term. Someone acting from their own trauma response (most people), don't do it knowingly. Most "abuse" is a decision made by the victim. By not setting boundaries/not having adequate self esteem. Which is the description of the undeveloped infj you are speaking of. 👍 I would just never suggest door slams. Imo it is most virtuous to never give up on people. We just have to be stronger. And Te trickster does not do me justice. Stocism values do. Not to sound conceited, but people around me know way less about relationship dynamics than I do (partially thanks to you). I believe its the combo of Se-Ti (concreteness) that enables me to look at the realities of the situation. In the telling of a situation I am only capable of representing 1 perspective. Certainly a flawed analysis. When my own bias' are involved, of course answers will be tailored to account for them. However, upon further investigation, we tell stories/lie to ourselves all the time. Did we really express empathy, proper communication, attention, or solutions to the situation? Probably not. We are hypocritical and we are lazy. but you're the expert, i'm spitballing here.
"And how can you be patient with what you have not encompassed in knowledge?" (18:68) Patience linked directly to the ability to understand a certain thing.
Idk if I’m INFJ or INFP. I have watched the comparison video a ton of times and all the videos for each of the types. I think I’m more unconscious focused INFP because I can’t doorslam/set boundaries very well. But I will say this: your videos have helped me a lot. Even if I don’t understand everything, it’s given me something to be curious about for a long time and it’s helped in my interpersonal relationships.
Here's some questions that could potentially help: Are you slothful, patient, slow, and a creature of comfort? (INFP) Or are you impulsive, a thrill seeker, forgetful, and a bit hot-headed? Has a lot of "Gimme this, gimme that" thoughts (INFJ) Are you silent and quiet to the point of mystery? Slow to make decisions? (INFP) Or can you quickly make a decision and once you start something you're compelled to finish said something? Sometimes speaks before thinking (INFJ) Also play with some other types! I typed myself INFP, ENTP, INFJ (in that order) and would have never guessed INTJ. But then it hit me one day and it fits like a peach 😄
thats true i used to have an exfriend who used to tell me that she thinks iam not good for any industry and that i wouldn't survive in any speciality i can't even describe to you that even after 5 years that still lingers in my head my life has been good ever since i cut her out of my life but i still struggle with people who love to look down on you
what if I'm not easy to gaslight? what type would i be? idk why but I'm always paranoid. Lmao u mentioned infps and yes this one infp guy was projecting his previous bad encounters with "infjs" onto me and i roasted him so bad in the group he had a meltdown...and then got back to normal like nothing happened? Nfps biggest weakness to exploit is not giving a shit about their opinions...and exposing them ofc.
Yeah when that happens and our Ti child knows that it's not the truth and we're being treated unfairly, we just become very indignant to those kind of people. As long you're still holding onto your Ti child and starts to verify other people opinions about you by incorporating your Te trickster to gather other people opinions that contradict with the abuser opinions and use them as totem to remind ourselves to the point it becomes a part of our long term memory then you're on the road for a better life.
@@aladdout9454 Meh I'm actually fairly upfront as an INTP having an ENTJ who instilled it in me. Talking about people behind their backs is not my MO unless it's something positive and I'm trying to promote them (the carrot is better than the stick). Mostly I have this back and forth between telling the truth and trying not to hurt people's feelings. From that perspective my Fe inferior can keep me from saying directly what's on my mind. However the reality is I still offend people even if I try not to because my desire for truth and logic is strong. Over the years though I've become better at couching my words because at the end of the day networking is important. Winning friends and influencing people is not successful when you're constantly talking negatively behind other people's backs. My dark side is actually even more passive aggressive than talking behind people's backs (which requires energy and time to commit to and is mostly self destructive because at the end of the day people don't like others talking behind their backs). INTPs are known for being amongst the most informative of types (we tend to categorize a lot of info that we often enjoy sharing with others). Lack of information is the downfall of many people and I can usually tell when a train wreck is coming. When someone is on my bad side I simply choose not to tell them of a potential negative consequence coming their way. It's like taking the rug out from under them (they don't even know what happened). To me that is the ultimate passive aggressive dark thing to do beyond being a chatter and gossip hound negatively talking about other people (and it requires much less energy and time which as an INTP I highly value as a sloth type 😅). It's a much more insidious darkside power in my opinion than dumb gossip about people.
Chase i am exactly on the same situation like ur infj mentor why are estps so abusive? Even to you? I have been so doormatting all my life and caring all the abusers in my life and now i have gone into hating every human soul walking on earth. Like i am scared of killing others and myself. So for the best i took ur advice and try to detach from every person that i encounter because i cannot trust every human fucking being even you. Like i am in a human paranoia or sth. Isolating so severely. Sigh anyway thanks i respect u
I genuinely believe estps have like actual demons inside of them that they're continuously fighting off so like....good luck to them. As for infjs, ik as long as we have either a goal or a few good people around us, we will survive.
You can hate people, you are in a phase of realization perhaps and take healing in your own pace. You can have an instrinsic hatred for how ugly humanity is while still cherishing the good parts of your life, and the good people. The hatred will make you efficient in ruling out the bad people in life. Also, delete this estp from your life. He shouldn't live in your memory rent-free
Who has more self worth Fi Critic or Fi Trickster? Fi Critic is critical towards there own self worth but Fi Trickster function is lower and less of a priority then Fi Critic.
Question about Egohack your fear course: is there any way I can get it if I am from Russia? Our Russian cards aren't accepted for payment abroad due to political situation.
Chase, you will only become abusive if you do not forgive your abuser, because we will only become what we do not forgive, when we don't acknowledge and accept any and all offenses received. thereby. all offenses retained, unforgiven that are not processed psychologically, remain in the soul and whatever is in the soul is going to surface that is the nature of feelings. Because feelings are like children they need to be acknowledged and accepted, just like you would your own little child , unprocessed feelings emotions,are also an indicator of what has not been forgiven, accepted, processed residing in the soul. I have a saying, it is this, 'if you do not forgive it, you are destined to live and become it"
1. Might appear to be happy while not actually being happy. 2. Might be mirroring their happiness. 3. Might be content with the current wolfpack and is trying to make the most of Wolfpack available. Probably idolising the members of the pack. Here are some possibilities, I could be wrong though
Good entp dont randomly te criticism to people(entp rather gathered all the criticism Ti verify so quickly either its for good purpose or not... If good send that info to the te6th (so at one age entp literally easily mind read or lie detector by being ti-te ego social mastery
Wow I was so wrong about you. You really do care about people 💗 What you said about your infj friend, who sadly passed away almost made me cry That was heart wrenching..... Well, now i trust you for what you're doing 🫂
