Hit the nail on the head... sometimes I feel almost mad with my constant self-awareness. Something I wish I could escape for just a moment. Most of the time in a group of people I just feel horribly restricted because of it... especially as I am always noting my social awkwardness and how I'm coming across at any given moment.
As most INFJs, I'm sure we have a lot bubbling up in our head in regards to how to respond to your video. So, for starters thanks for conveying your message clearly I can relate very well. As you stated.. I feel in a sense of "auto-pilot" and being the witness of what seems to me almost unconscious behavior..(on the outside looking in type deal) This has often times made me question my identity.. seeing as we are very adaptable to others personalities, I'd often question who I was or my ego anyway as a whole, almost feeling insane in a way.. like you're schizophrenic because you have the ability to pretty much mimic others personalities and it feels rare to ever express true originality around others from what's really in, because that desire in balance of harmony. I find also when talking to people my use of language is set at different limits, I'll go so deep with someone and they'll act they'll think it's a very deep conversation when I'm really just scratching the surface of how deep I really want to go with them.. in my reality it feels there really is no real limit to this "depth" besides their ability to comprehend which limits my overall connection with said person.. In this life I've felt my main desire is to simply be understood but I don't know if that's even a thing because I can't even understand myself with this constant self-awareness.. It almost seems to be a more spiritual route, definitely out of the norm of your structured cookie cutter culture pre-conditioned mindset.
A lot of what you said here bottles down to analysis paralyis, a big issue of mine. I invented an affirmation as a teenager to counter it: "You don't truly understand until you are ready to act on what you understand." and it's all connected to understanding other people. You understand people, and so you can't be mad at them, right? You know how other people feel and what they need, and so you feel like you have to be that person? Yeah? I think there's something deeper we need to learn: just because we understand someone, doesn't mean that we have to agree with them. Just because we know another person needs something, doesn't mean that we have to be the people to give it to them. Sometimes people need to teach themselves to take what they need. I worry that an FJ type at times can fall into the dilemma of being an enabler -- or being smothering in their desire to provide for other people. The action to take from understanding another person.. is the action of showing the other person what they need, not the action of giving the other person what they need directly. Thank you for this video.
I know what you're saying exactly because I've rewritten this comment three times now. "No, that's too long, too much, not worded right..." The hypercritical issue never ends and exists at all moments. So I've decided rather than spend the next hour deleting another 5 versions of this, I'm just going to keep it simple. Holy cow, yes, I live this every day, I adore your videos, thank you for posting them. 😊
The 'paralysis analysis' often put me into The Loop', especially when I am uncertain about something or someone. The constant world-wind in my mind is truly exhausting. Learning to slow down helps me to think more clearly. Everything does not need to be solved instantly. Patience is our friend not our enemy. Imperfection can be a positive thing. So through the years, I have found out going at my own pace is okay, stop listening to people that are defeating my self interest. I don't have to be super woman and try to save everyone and everything. I have to constantly force myself to slow down, breathe and smell the roses. Because when I do this, slow down, my intuition kicks in and positive things starts to happen. Tom, thanks for another great insightful video.
This is so on point. I've been stuck in the loop after having to break up with my ENFP boyfriend suddenly (it was the logical thing to do) but I wasn't emotionally prepared in the way that I would typically slam the door on someone (and I'm still not). There is so much uncertainty in my life that I'm drowning in analysis and a million thoughts and things to do and I'm constantly exhausted. So, thank you for sharing, I really needed the reminder to slow down. :)
what you said about being pissed off as a teenage was so close to home. sometimes i would come away from an interaction and hate myself for becoming this person that wasn't harmony with myself.. why do i automatically sacrifice my harmony for the harmony of groups of people that i don't even care for..
haha don't know if this is relevant by sometimes before a party or social event i would get ready and try and tell myself to be calm and not to "lose myself" but still eventually i would lose myself in the setting and sometimes it drives me to isolated for a few days later to try and.. "regain" myself.
Every time I watch one of your videos, I can physically feel myself unwinding. You do such a great job at giving a voice to all of this - the things you speak about and your use of language feel instantly familiar. Not just this video, but all the other ones I've watched too (the 'old soul' one springs to mind...). Thanks for sharing your thoughts, this whole channel is also such a valuable resource for others of this personality type.
Plz don't give up doing these... you are definitely hitting the mark. You are helping me so much. For so long and still somewhat I have felt like I was going crazy. Can't turn any of it off and can't make sense of any of it either. I feel so alone and truly don't understand myself.
I think i ralate to evrything said in this video. I also feel like i'm Just myself when i'm on my own. Thats when i'm truly me. when i try to talk to new people or people i barely know, i feel like i'm not myself, i even use words i never used before, i feel weird and awkward and i'm aware of that in the very moment, but i just don't know how to change that or if maybe its not supposed to be changed. Its a real struggle. And of course then comes the "why did i say that?" or "i shouldnt have said that" "why am i like this?" But then i think "oh well i think i Just have to let me be" and then i laugh at myself because all of those thing that i think, and on top of that i laugh because i find myself laughing...alone. I Just love myself so much! hahahaha And i hope it didn't sound selfish; but i think it's not only important, but essential to love ourselves. ❤❤
I really love these videos.. It feels so nice to hear other INFJ's just like me think, feel, and speak. It makes me feel understood and less alien, though I must admit I like to swim upstream anyway. :) Thank you for sharing your knowledge over the aux and dominant functions with us in a way we can truly relate to.. :)
hi😊👋 I'm an INFJ as well and I too reflect and copy the people I'm around. I have always considers myself as a social chameleon or a mirror to the environment I've been in for awhile. Before identifying as INFJ I considered myself an empath (which I still do) because of this and the fact that I became emotionally hyperactive when those around me became emotional. I have had card readings where I've had the possessor (aka witch) and smoke and mirrors that represented my ability to be possessed by the emotions but also the ways of thinking around the people I surround myself with. I have moved around a lot and so I have grown to change even the physical aspects of myself such as my voice, accent, dialect, the way I walked. I learned the micro cultures from moving from city to city from within a state where the way they moved and the local colloquialisms from within those separate cities. I figured it was just a self defense mechanism to protect myself but later realized that that gift distorted my internal self where I came to learn that I have no physical identity to a particular culture or ethnicity. it something that caused a deep internal rift about my self identity that became incredibly fluid. I have discovered about myself that dispite being culturally and even sexually fluid I have learned that I have a strong code of conduct that has persisted and molded part of who I am today. It can sometimes be a bit impending when dealing with other people, I become more ISTP in a sense where I become a wall to what other want versus what I logically and intuitively believe to be right. However it's hard for first encounters because I'm constantly moving and fidgeting and making weird facial expressions and words in order to trigger reactions from the new person in order to test their boundaries and see how I should act around them
Great video. I wanna get to know INFJs better, so your videos are very useful. As an INTJ I feel an amazing connection between me and people who are INFJs but many times I hurt their feelings with my sharp tongue. It's very sad that so amazing people are the rarest type in this world.
Yes Tom I am glad to see a new video from you. Thanks to you I made an awesome INFJ friend because we both commented on one of your videos. I am having a down day but it's nice to watch your video because you know, it's just awesome to know that I am not alone with these thoughts and feelings and the overthinking and everything. And super random but I think you are really attractive and handsome. As I said - super random. But thought you should know. You were the first on yt that I had found on INFJ videos and I am so thankful that you do this....! Thanks for the bright mark in my day. :)
It's nice to know I'm not the only person like this. I thought the same thing when I was younger, but realize it's basically out of a level of social survival. But I think it's our obsessive nature that does this. Reading people, assessing how they are, then drawing on the pieces of your personality that fit theirs in order to avoid any distress or coming off in a manner you're not pleased with. Its endless. It's constant. It's draining.
this self critical analysis really affects me, I always have this inner voice critiquing me causing me to leave social situations. I always get told I'm so indecisive and I think it's because of this critical voice that causes me to think of all the positives and negatives and how others will perceive a decision. I wish I could just decide. thanks for the video Tom
I feel like we'd be super good friends. Thanks for making me think, and helping me feel understood. Currently living in Australia [originally from the US], going through some hard times because of feeling judgement and pressure to live up to certain expectations [which make me uncomfortable, feels like a cloud hanging over me]. Your videos and general presence have been helpful.
Thanks Cassandra, where abouts in Australia are you based? My profile pic is from when I was out there a couple of years back. Hope you feel better soon.
Just to say thank you for this video. I saw myself reflected back to me in your words. Hope you're doing good and being the most you you can be, wherever you are. 🦗
Tom, thank you for this particular post. You expressed explicitly what I was going through in this very instance. I am curious how much of your acceptance of being an INFJ (and all that goes along with it) came along with creating this channel? I am in this like "Behind the scenes healer/philosopher/ reality break-downer" mode for the past 6+ years now without really calling myself anything but a "guy thats confused with life".. Now that I've discovered these known "classifications" of what I am, I struggle to accept the "All Encompassing" seriousness that is being and INFJ/World Savior/Maverick/Esoterisist/Dark humor loving heap of controdictory characteristics(al least to the manority of the public that is).. Any advice would be greatly appreciated brother. Your work is truly inspiring and I support you 100%
Hold tight I'll be going much more into detail of such things in future videos, including many of the topics your 'seriousness' entails. Hopefully it will help, but I'm still on this journey of discovery myself in so many ways and can only really share where I'm at. Thanks for your support
Thanks for the reply Tom.. No worries( Most ironic INFJ responce ever) I guess thats part of this walk; that is to "Act" instead of contemplate based on percieved acceptance of others. Cheers Fine Sir!
I sat here for a few minutes thinking what I should comment lol thank you for taking the time to sit down and explain to us your experience as an infj looking forward to more videos!
Constant self awareness does prevent you from enjoying the moment unless you are with a partner who you think loves you so you can let it rip, dysfunction and all - however that can lead to further abandonment. It's challenging, but there has to be a light at the end of the rainbow somewhere if you believe in fate and I do.
This is so accurate. Your videos describe my life so well, in a way I myself wasn't able to do at all. They clear up so many actions, behaviours, tendencies, thoughts, self talks I have always had and have basically been fighting as 'wrong' or because i gelt trapped by them since they are somehow unstoppable all my life. Only thanks to this whole INFJ description which comprehends what you say in your videos I'm finally for the first time fully accepting myself. Thank you :) (sorry for any mistakes, I'm Italian)
First of all, thanks for the wise word of yours! I grew up having difficulty understanding myself & made quite a lot of mistake in life bcause of the confusion but somehow I believe those things developed my inner self even more as I am now. What makes me relieve everytime I got depressed by my confuse mind is that accepting truth is not that hard and there's always good after bad. I believe there's always chance and time to improve yourself and that this world got its creator and I'm just gonna leave big problem to the creator haha. Well thats a bit of me as an INFJ. I believe we are all unique and beautiful and thats what the world made of. Enjoy your video so much keep posting 💕
One thing that wasn’t really mentioned too much in the video about the negative side of this self awareness INFJ’s have (literally 24/7) is the worrying that comes along with it. Because I am so self aware of how I am coming across and trying to fit into some sort of mold I worry that other people will see me as not genuine or because I’m thinking so much about how I’m coming across to someone -the self awareness - I’m afraid that sometimes I’m coming off as “weird” because I’m literally having a conversation with 2 people, myself with my self analysis and the person I’m talking to. It’s definitely paralyzing like you said. But it wasn’t really mentioned as being worried or concerned with the self analysis almost going in a circle ⭕️ I’m not sure if anyone relates or if that even made any sense but it’s very difficult to explain.
yyyuuuuuuuup. oh my god. yes. Sometimes, I can let this hypersensitivity go so much that I make myself cry, or I give myself a headache, and I have to just shut it off. And if it happens too much when I'm talking to someone, I suddenly become very recluse and sad. Honestly, I just tear up sometimes watching your videos, because I have never felt so understood.
thank you for this. I am trying to learn how to explain it verbally. I seem to be having issues with my words. using wrong words. it had to do with my first thought process. Anyways, thank you for your diligence in making your videos.
I think that “Fi” users experience the same thing just in their own version of it.Fi users are also aware of what’s socially normal and acceptable too,maybe just not as much as Fe users though
