INFJ | How the INFJ thinks about TRUST and LOVE in dating? | The Rarest Personality Type 

As an INFJ's, we don't say things that we don't mean. And when we do say we mean it to the edge. If it doesn't come true right now, it will come true later on. We can count on it.

Have you ever heard this..."If I loved you once...I will always have some kind of love for you. Stay away from me though." Great video...new subscriber.

I can relate to this. I've always felt that the phrase "I love you" was a canned line and rather than saying I love someone, I show it through my actions - Words are empty promises, what really counts is what we *do* because doing leaves no room for doubt and doing takes a lot more effort than expelling air from our lungs and shaping our mouths to form words. This doesn't mean that I won't say "I love you" to someone who has "words of affirmation" as one of their primary love languages, but my soul will cringe a little bit every time because of the ridiculousness of it. It simply shouldn't be necessary when every core of my being displays that love with my actions around people I love.

This is so true! With my husband being an INFJ he spends every moment of every day loving me, but for over a year I didn't really understand his love or what it meant. I have never met someone who gives so much in every way and so effortlessly. So when he DOES say the words "I love you," I hold onto them that much more because I know how true it is. There's no denying the love there. It's a connection that no book or movie has ever fully captured. Anyone who has the opportunity to be on the receiving end of this love, DO NOT take it for granted. You will never be able to experience it again

I'm an infj female. It's exactly like that for me. The only difference for me personally is when the bond gets broken not only am I stone cold to that person but I get very angry almost destructive. At the end of it I end up hating the person I was once attached to because of the pain and betrayal that is inflicted. I almost feel like our personality type is very much like a mirror. A one way mirror that is, what I mean by this is that we can see everyone else but they, everyone in a general sense not only don't see but also can't see us.

Finding your series is a huge relief for me. Thanks a million. I'd like to add that telling an INFJ/INTJ that you don't trust them is a guaranteed cause for dismissal by an INFJ/INTJ.

As an INFJ I feel so validated to hear others having the same point of view on saying "I love you" - and as a female INFJ this feeling on those words makes people *really* think you have something wrong with you.

I relate to this so much, so accurate with the ‘die for you’ part, this inbuilt martyr sort of feeling. I guess most people don’t understand this, they don’t understand why it takes a long time to get past people when you have that attachment as an infj

i hate when relationships.. friendships.. fail.. its hard....cause having that bond break... is hard.

INFJ’s don’t love out of insecurity or fear, it’s authentic and genuine❤

“...unless you f*** me over” I totally resonate with that! And then I slam the door on you, lol!

This was incredibly illuminating. My boyfriend of 7 years is an INFJ with Asperger's. Quite the combo. It took almost 2 years for him to tell me he loved me. As an INFP I was patient yet dying to hear those words. I knew he loved me, he didn't need to say it but I needed to hear it. He is fiercely loyal and seems to know what I need before I even know what I need. This gives me a greater understanding of him. Thank you.

When I was younger (early 20s) I realized that Love is a choice that once it is engaged in, does not possess an escape hatch. Love is a choice to do good towards another regardless of the consequences to oneself. I sh*t test people by loving them & seeing how they respond to it. This is why I choose very selectively... & people often let me know whether or not they even want my love. Not with their words of course, lol never with their words, always the things done & left unsaid 👀

I like to think about it like this... For most people relationships are like two poles or 2X4's being brought together. Or two bricks being laid together or something like that. You have the two items and a binding agent (Trust). You bring them close together and add the binding agent. You add the glue, the mortar, the screws or the rivets. Now, over time these joints, these connection points can wear or become weakened. You add more glue, mortar, or repair the connection. It takes work and effort to maintain the relationship between the two pieces. This is a normal relationship. For an INFJ though.... When they bond with someone (I choose my words carefully), it's more like heating up metals and poring an I beam. There is no "connection" where a binding agent (Trust) is required. Nor is there a weak point for a break or a split for a broken relationship. There is no way for the "binding agent" to break down, so there is no need for the traditional Trust work that normal relationships require. This may be strange for anyone that isn't the INFJ, and even for people that are in a relationship with an INFJ. But, the only way to then break that I Beam.... is to purposely cut it... To F it up, as it were. So... If you slag through an I beam.... there's no amount of tape, screws or glue that can "repair" it. It's done for. It's over with. That's how I like to think of Trust and Love for the INFJ. 😉

Yup, you’re right. I’m happily married to the only person I have ever been in a relationship with, because I don’t get into a relationship with someone unless I already trust them, and once I’m in, I’m in for life 👍🏻

If I had to call 911 for some body that screwed me. I will only do it because I do not want to be brought up on charges for not calling 911.

Our love is pure, powerful and full of courage. Perfect love casts out all fear. Our love is strong as death!

Dude, I am a FAN, I trust YOU, right-off the bat!

"I've already read your silly a**. It's yes or no." I love this!

Wow beautifully spoken! You almost brought me to tears because I didn't even know that I'm doing this. But it's so true! Every word you said was spot on!

100% Agree. I'm an INFJ female and this makes absolute sense to me. As a teenager (long before realising what an INFJ was) I had many interesting musings about things and one of them you summed up at the 9.00 mark "those we love we would die for". To that effect I'd like to share my favourite scripture from the Bible in John 15:13 "No one has love greater than this, that someone should surrender his life in behalf of his friends." Worth pondering. I will also say that the people who cause an INFJ to flip the switch are narcissists, particularly the abusive or covert ones; I've dealt with two of them in romantic relationshits (yes I spelt it that way on purpose) and several others in other relationships and once the switch is flipped there's no going back! The door slam is strong with this one!

I always wondered why saying "I love you" always felt, honestly terrible, and as if I was betraying myself because I would always say it for the other person and it felt fake and forced. My best friend I have refused saying "I love you" to him because he is the one person I care that I am genuine and myself around. Now I know. I always felt I didn't need to say it because I already have the care that I am genuine around him and NO ONE ELSE in my life do I care to be truly real/myself around. ... idk if that made sense...

I think for a true INFJ this makes perfect sense. When you flip from putting that loved one first to being able to watch them bleed - i think its because they didn't value us for all that we give and that's the reason why they did us over. That's the black and white mentality too. That's just my take as a young INFJ who most likely has a lot to learn ☺️

Great video. You nailed it. I have hard time saying, “I love you”. I would probably give them a bandaid.

You said you don't know why you would watch someone bleed on the cement and not call 911 if someone screwed you over that you loved and you don't know why. I would love to say the reason why. As we like to give 200% and love unconditionally we like to expect the same from the other person. As soon as they make the misttep to screw us over we identified this person as untrust worthy and unauthentic and hurtfully and we truly do not feel pity for people like them. We don't feel anything for them positively. We just know they exist and that will be it. As soon as you are in the system you won't get out easily. As soon your out the system you will not get back in. Never. Because the other person would never be believable again. It's like watching your superhero killing a good person and losing all faith in him. That's how we see things as well. As soon as you make the step to be wrong to me. You will never come close to me ever again. Probably wouldn't even let you notice that I threw you out. Just dead to me. End of story.

"you've either got it or you don't, end of story" YEP YEP YEP I usually decide if I trust someone very quickly and instead of thinking about it, once I've decided it, I just act like I trust them entirely (but I am more than ready to be proven wrong).

Truth, it seems to me that regardless of the INFJ man or woman, there is no limit when it comes to love. Protecting those we love and how far we are willing to go for it... That love and connection is our currency...🙃

Marty, great videos! This video painfully describes it as real as it gets. I need you to make a video on INFJ and Covert Narcissists, narcissistic abuse, specially in romantic/spousal relationships! Please!

Well, that was cathartic! Thank you for explaining what is often very difficult to articulate, but inherently easy to do. Both the giving and the willingness to burnt shit down when done over.

My father and I are INFJ's. His views on loyalty, trust and love are the same as yours, it's unbelievable. I've grown up under his wing, knowing that every word he say is the truth. I've always felt that deep inside. Thank you for this video!

What timing. Literally had a conversation about trust with an istp friend the other day. Had not thought about it before and totally contradicted myself by saying I believe everyone is inherently good. So I trust blindly, but that I don't have many friends because I've gotten walked all over in past and it makes it hard to let new people in... I put up walls!!! So do I trust people or not what a contradiction!?! I think you're description was better. I never thought about trust in my relationships. Also really relate to your section about how infjs love as an infj woman. I fall in love with people who don't love me, and then am unable to switch it off or move on. I don't understand how people can move from relationship to relationship. Severing and forming bonds it's an absolute process. It takes time but once the bond is formed it's almost impossible to break. I spent 10 years in an emotionally abusive relationship, I couldn't give up on it. Until the the final moment when I realised it was never going to get any better, it was the same issue repeating. Then the door slam. That's the first time I was conscious of my door slam technique. Everything I felt for him was dead and indifferent so I was finally able to leave. Gotta love the infj door slam super power ;-)

Thank you for the great cry... I felt understood and the tears just started to flow because of it. :)

Dude! So same! Lawd 😂 I’ve already decided about the trust whether I’m wrong to do it or not and yes, saying I love you is rare for me even if I love you. I say for others. One partner is always telling me he loves me and that I have no idea how much he loves me. And I’m like…I do but if it means you win, then ok 😂 He’s a romantic and sweet. I’m a long term partner like I’m here for life unless you push me away or leave but but imma always love you smh

I feel like I've found what I've been trying to figure out about myself most of my life. My soul has been released. Thank you. I have journals upon journals that I would write in like my life depended on it. Hell it was the only thing that saved me. Because of how I grew up I was always searching for what was wrong with me. I'd write at home, in public, at parties or bars. I am so grateful for your videos. I can finally breathe

I am embodying this scenario as we speak. I gave my EVERYTHING to my (bipolar) husband for 12 years. He started accusing me of having multiple, disgusting, affairs, out of nowhere (I hate sex), and it just shut something down inside of me. I tried to reason, defend, explain... until I just stopped. I loved him because I WANTED to. I CHOSE to love him. I didn't do it out of obligation or because it was expected... and that is something I just can't explain. I love the people who I CHOOSE to love. I don't love because it is EXPECTED of me. And like you said, I LOVE with everything in me, until I am screwed over. When someone accuses you of something you didn't do, I don't defend myself to prove to you that I didn't do it. I defend myself because I have morals and values inside of myself that have NOTHING to do with you, and I dont want someone else's vile words make them feel like they have the power to tear a piece of my morals and values away from me. People don't care to understand that. I am so blessed to have found this community I don't like labels, but it is nice to know that I'm not alone! Thank you for being here! I am now a subscriber 👍

Nearly brought me to tears with this, my dude. Never have I felt so understood, since moving out from my mom's house...which was 21 years ago. Especially, the explanation using the war movies. I always thought I liked gratuitous violence and got unnaturally emotional, but I don't specifically like to watch violent movies. This video and explanation put everything into perspective for myself AND hopefully my wife, who is definitely not an INFJ. Thank you sir.

It is so so true that 'trust' for an INFJ is not something you necessary build, it's like we either trust you right from the get go or never at all

No, Marty, that is not an exaggeration of your feelings for others because I feel that way for my sisters and why I stayed at home when I wanted to leave but stayed to be of help and comfort to my sisters. That's how much I loved them as an INFJ. I even loved my mother despite her treachery/ anger which I left at 28 years old to have a life of my own. I had to because as an INFJ and my mother who is a strong narcissistic sociopath -one of us would not survive for long!

Your description of love brought me to tears. I showed it to my wife so she could hear your words translate what my feelings often cannot. Thank you.

Right on the money Marty!!... It's very simple if you have my love it's an unwavering thing don't f*** with me though!!!... Like you said they'll be bleeding out cuz you just open and can of worms it's all f***** up!! You're doing a great job on these videos I want you to know that!!! The to-do lists were very interesting I do all kinds of crazy s*** like that I'm very entrepreneurial I've been in business for 45 years I have always had a hard time working for people can't do it keep it rolling!!! I love it!!!

I have never written so many comments on a channel. But I can't stop watching your videos. This was so... perfect. I've never felt so understood. I was in tears. I really appreciate your content.

A very informative INFJ! So far I've watched 3 videos and so far you've hit them all right in the head!

I’m honestly so glad I found your videos… I always felt excluded and weird .. and now I can finally relate to people that feel like me. Thank you for each of your videos.

Brilliant, the truth makes you laugh. This was deep, thanks for the video ❤, so true, so so true. Ditto When you're with an INFJ, you dont need to hear "i love you" you fee it.

So happy I found this video. It answers many questions I had. Thank you very much for this.

Marty, I just watched few of your videos and not a single video failed to get me goosebumps all along. Also, when you were lacking words or taking pauses in between to speak out a word(s) for describing 'what love is for an infj', i was actually mentioning some words myself and ended up listening to the same words coming out from you. And also, you mentioned this in your other video that you feel 'a single line or word from you might help someone out'. Just watching few of your videos make me feel in each every cell of myself that there is someone out there(YOU) who is like me, complicated yet simple like me, the walking contradiction like me. Dont know if your videos will help me to balance myself or be a mature infj but i do feel a bit better and understood. We listen to others a lot and i really cant explain in words what it feels to be understood without saying a word. You did it. So credit to you. Thanks and keep making videos.

Trust and love are implied for me when I decide to invest in a relationship. The love is for ever, yet one can choose to disconnect the relationship if it somehow is not serving/in best interest for one or both. Once my decision is made about disconnecting the decision is made. And in my experience it is so clear, that the other person will not question the decision, even if the same problem/issue have been voiced earlier and in that time handled differently and not resulted in making the decision about disconnection. On the other hand many new relationships have failed before the decision about investment into the relationship because of the loss/lack of trust you have mentioned in another video. Btw that was a real explainer for me. It connected a missing dot for me.

I watched a few of your videos and I’m glad to have found you. I feel like as you are speaking that all my thoughts are being read back to me. I wish we could be friends because it’s difficult 😣 getting understood by others. I understand you.

I had to send this to my gf, thank you so much for explaining like that love your videos

You said it all Marty!👍 My sentiments exactly...

Ok this got me and I was able tio feel your words while you said all that. 😢🙂

I’m an INFJ, and your points are straight out how I feel when it comes to trust. I’m either all in or nothing, but there is no middle. I like your videos, and you describe the perfect picture of INFJ personality. 👍

Thank you so much, Marty. You explained it very well, anytime I watch a movie when there's an emotional scene that comes on my tears come down automatically. Also, when I listen to sad music, I can almost imagine how the singer feels and why he or she wrote it for. When I meet strangers I can immediately tell, whether I will get along with them or not.

You made perfect sense and it is absolutely true!! Thank you!!

This🖤 I often times find myself having a hard time articulating the complexity and meaning to the love I have for the select few close to my heart 🌻 you said it perfect

... the way you explained this was spot on! I just thought I was evil / cold hearted.. but really it's just INTENSE..

You are 100% spot on!!

This is a great video, Marty. Thanks for being succinct like that and explaining the connection between these two. I've always had a hard time explaining my intuitions of trust to my Dad, but you put it great in the quote I posted in my previous comment. I'm not exactly proud of the last part, when we would seriously let somebody bleed on the cement. I've noticed that in a couple of virtual situations and the decisions I made (playing games and watching movies and whatnot), but it's always turned out to be a mistake choosing so. Anyway, keep it up, I like your videos!

With reference to trust, if an INFJ believes you have the potential to be trusted, the judgement aspect in their personality type will them set out to grow that person whom they become attached to into trustworthiness. Think about it because Judgement to us means teach, challenge and grow those that we attach to. I love your insights, thank you.

It spooky how much you are dead on point. Thank you.

I have never ever felt so understood in my life as I do watching this!💕

I was not aware that I am that way but this is so true! Great explanation!

This is an absolutely amazing video and I don't say that lightly. I resonate strongly with everything you said here about trust and love, I actually understand myself better after watching this video - thank you.

I just came across this video today but it couldn't be more well timed. Thank you for explaining how Trust 'doesn't even come into play'. I have been having a hard time explaining to others how you can love someone, without trusting them. Sure you can trust them in certain regards, but truly trust them? Sometimes you just know. I can trust them to show up on time, but I can't trust them to not lie about something stupid. Then trying to explain why it doesn't matter because you don't fully trust anyone. Not to mention when dating someone saying 'I love you' feels like a lie. Not because you don't love them. You do love them and don't want them to be hurt, you want the best for them, you feel warmly toward them....But when I say 'I love you' of my own volition...it means a whole new cosmic level type of love. A love that still remains even after a terrible amount of pain. It was nice to watch your video and see that I am not the only one.

Super True ! fantastic Video

Thanks for explaining it in a way I never could for my partners.

Great video. I just found your page awhile ago but spot on

Being an infj female and hearing your explanation on “ trust “ every single last word you said and the way you said it is exactly EXACTLY how my mind thinks to the last thought !!! Never in my mind have I ever heard anyone ! anyone think the exact same thoughts as I !!! It’s uncanny !!!

Ouch, that last part about saying "I love you"... I say it cause they need to hear it.

I have learnt so much from this video

Wowy again! I can't thank you enough for your videos.

I love your marker color. Its amazing.

It is so frikken frustrating. People hate me because I see right through them and I am one of the most trustworthy and loving INFJ on the planet.

I could cry listening to how accurately I relate lol

Love is unconditional.Without condition.Universal unconditional love and support for everything universal.Radical.

Three minutes and around seven:10 ..💯🎯WOW so well put…resonated so deeply with me

I really love the confidence you give me about my feelings. I know I'm intense so I convince myself that I shouldn't have the standards I do

Hello Marty! Still catching up on your videos, but I got to comment on this one, as you are the only one I have heard in the MBTI community here in RU-vid that mentions what you said about giving oneself to save another with regard to movie examples: Where INFJ's will have a special emotional reaction/connection when they see a scene where someone is sacrificing themselves for the sake of another, or others. My jaw dropped when you said that and I said, "You too?!!" I think of so many movies where this is happened, Spock saving the crew of the Enterprise in Star Trek II, same with George Kirk in 2009's Star Trek (Ok, I'm a Trekkie) and they are other scenes in movies where sacrifice was made but YOU said it, it makes us trickle. It is these real tidbits of raw detail that you present that makes your channel special.

Holy shit I needed to see this! I thought I was the only one with these ... trust/love functions of mind.

Wow, as an INFJ (female) it's sOOO HARD to explain this, i'm 25 and all of this has always been so rough for me to understand and to try to even get other people to understand. But you explained it so well to the point that it made me tear up. Thank you making this video! Now I can probably articulate it a lot better to those closest to me.

Please don't stop ever, you are doing a great great work for all the infj's out there. Love from india One request- please make positive videos and motivation tips or lifehelps for infj's carrer path and principles to keep

After one year of your video.Your word hit my heart cause i haven't tell anyone that i love you by my mouth..

this makes absolute sense. it is exactly how i feel. i never even thought about it. it really is very simple.and also i do not like lying. if i say i will do something, i will. nothing can stop me. i will do it even if i do not like it or even hate it. i will die for it. because i said so. it is like a steel core going through my very being. it just IS. the same with love, and friendship. i may only stand 1,47 meters tall. but that is how i stand tall

This is spot on. People tell me I am crazy and too much. Until I started believing it so whenever I describe myself to others I would say I am possessive, obsessive and other dragging down adjectives because I cannot describe myself properly.

100 percent on point with trust.

As an INFJ, I completely agree with how you have described how an INFJ loves! As far as trust, I have a hard time trusting anyone, because my experience (bias) is that everyone will eventually do something to mess it up or betray me. I have very few friendwhips and am single at 50, because I have trouble trusting.

This is helping me understand myself so much better, the rapid transition of thought makes me go crazy and this bond you speak of happens very frequently, too bad tho I only get disappointed

This is so true. As an INFJ, I don’t consciously think about whether or not I trust someone. It’s instinctual. And it isn’t “judging a book by a cover” where I base my opinion upon their appearance...it’s almost elemental on an emotional level. I sense their emotional aura (for lack of a better word). And I have no qualms about cutting people out of my life in an instant if they are unhealthy for me. As for “I love you”, that hit hard. My husband is constantly saying it which is fine and I deeply love him too but constantly saying it makes it feel shallow. I love him on a level where I would die for him. But I don’t have to say it.

I totally agree with you for both topics.

No exaggeration. End of story. Thank you.😌

This is true, all of it. Every video, it's weird having answers given.

100%. Shewww! You nailed it!

I'm so far into the future, I already ruled the universe for 180 billion years and now I have traveled back in time.

When he said " i cant even put it on words" I UNDERSTOOD.

I have been waiting for your videos, I ran into to channel three weeks ago but when I get lonely I look at your videos and I get happy because I am not alone and I go on my day and do what I have to do because I am a busy person.

Yes! Finally! Thank you!!

Round of freakin applauds👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽!!!

I love your videos...I watch them and read the comments and I feel less alone. Sometimes I feel like we're so lonely (not all the time of course) because the rest of the world is so far behind our way of thinking...maybe we're all destined to live in solitude...maybe if we were dumber or slower to catch on to the BS of the world... we'd be happier...🤷‍♀️ lol

I don't play games. I don't have time to play games. If a woman tries to make me jealous I'm going to perceive it as the woman does not have genuine desire for me and therefore now this relationship is over.

Marty, INFJ personality is quite the fascinating. I took the personality test after watching this, I am classified as ESFJ,.