So true. What helped me was knowing I can stay in bed, relax and rest. I told myself to let go and there is nothing else I can do. I have nothing to loose. If I don’t sleep at least I rest. I noticed that resting with my eyes closed helped me to feel better next day. With this attitude I lost the fear of not sleeping. I am looking forward to go to bed now and end up falling asleep faster. I also told my kids when they didn’t want to nap: “you don’t have to sleep, we just do a quiet time and rest.”
So well said, I have nothing to add but to say I’m really glad reading this, and thanks so much for sharing. This is what someone called “gold in the comment section” 🙏
One of my favorite episodes. I'm in the speed bump phase of my recovery. Lost count of how many I've had . Right now I'm sleeping well (well it's been a week), but this time I'm not closing the hood, in fact last night I woke up at 3;00 AM, but instead of panicking, I said to myself No jump without a speed bump and drifted back to peaceful sleep. This has been a 7 year journey, and can't thank you enough for your devotion to the community
I’m so glad to be reading these lines, Marcy. And you are so welcome, this community wouldn’t be possible without people like you sharing, and commenting and supporting.
@NinaSitum-hn7yn hang in there Nina, it can sound so incredibly to hear 7 years, but you know it doesn’t mean 7 years of intense fear, change is the one constant
@@thesleepcoachschool8192this so true. My insomnia did last 7 years, but as Coach Daniel said I was not in battle every night! In fact during that time if I kept a record I probably had more nights of good sleep than bad. What Coach Daniel taught me was if I did absolutely nothing to sleep it will happen naturally. In fact I rarely come to this channel any longer but was alerted that you had responded to my comment. I will admit however just k knowing this channel is here and I can come to it or his books is my secret weapon in the event I need it. Hang in there, Coach Daniel method works.
I need this to penetrate my heart. My sleep has improved with the practice of acceptance and surrender. By improving I mean I get consistent 4-5 hours a night. However, having some serious speed bumps now, and lack of sleep greatly impacts my mental health. Thanks to you I have been medication free now over two years, but darn, I thought these speed bumps would stop. I may need some one on one coaching for a minute.
Hi Monica, Thanks so much for being in touch and I’m so glad to be reading the things have gotten easier. I remember when you first found our channel things were pretty difficult. And yes, the fact that it can take such a long time before our brain fully realizes that there is no actual threat, this can be really frustrating. But would led you hear will lead to more peace, whether self coaching or signing up for a program or call 🙂
@@Freydis_MAximus i understand completely how you feel. I get lots of speed bumps, but i practice trusting that I will get what I need, that God is working it for my good. But no, it’s not easy at all. It has taught me to LIVE, and live one day at a time. I am now looking into neuroplasticity, it’s really what Dr. Daniel teaches. And remember, thinking about it IS the problem. There may be no efforts, but thinking about it is telling our brain that something is wrong. This creates fear where we need safety. First, have self compassion. You are not broken. It is in our heads. We just have to be kind to ourselves and unlearn it. We can, but it will take time. Don’t give up.
Thanks, Daniel. You always explain things beautifully and in the most reasonable and reassuring way. Even before I listened to this, I was able to view my speed bump without anxiety because I knew you'd have addressed the issue in a way that would help me to see what I was experiencing not as a setback but rather common and perfectly normal on this journey. That's exactly what this video did for me!
A very valuable episode as I have been going through a bit of a speed bump period myself, after a few months of strong, improved sleep. This makes so much sense. An encouraging video!
What a timely video! I had been following CBT-I for a month and been falling asleep quickly with quality sleep throughout the night. Until last Sunday when I barely slept. Then I reacted exactly as you described in the video("What did I do wrong?", Googling, and going on Reddit and so on and perpetuated my poor sleep further(even ended up dipping into an old supply of sleeping pills in fear). Now I realize that it's just like you say, a speed bump and I will get over it soon. Thank you!
Super glad this was timely Jay 😊! And it’s so nice that you’re seeing things clearly, wonderful to read. Thanks so much for sharing this and be in touch, let us know how things go!
Hey Daniel, great video as always! In general, my sleep has become a lot better than it used to be before I got to know your videos. However, I find myself in a bumpy period right now, which I cannot really grasp why this is happening. Lastly, whenever I was thinking a lot about sleep during the day I usually fell asleep quite easily, even waking up didn't cause too much trouble - I just fell back asleep. In the meantime I got to know, that even having these thoughts does not tell anything about how I am going to sleep tonight and that I am able to fall asleep even if these thoughts are present. I learned how to relate to them in a more realistic way I would say. The strange thing is though, that if I am not or hardly thinking about sleep during the day I end up not falling asleep in bed for quite some time and also struggle with falling back asleep. Actually I would have expected this to develop the opposite way... but there are always surprises with insomnia. It is like my brain would like to tell me, please do further research or struggle during the day otherwise I will keep you awake! Is this a common experience you have heard in the past?
Hi, Thanks for the support (!) and yes, this is common and it to me has all to do with forecasting. Noting that we haven’t thought about sleep at all, this so often creates a subconscious or conscious idea that we will sleep. Let’s see why this can be so tricky: We humans have become pretty good at predicting the weather, but we still can’t predict the stock market. Why is this? In both instances we use very very sophisticated tools like data models and super computers. Here’s the thing, whether you predict that it’s gonna rain or not doesn’t change whether it’s gonna rain or not. Predicting has absolutely no impact on the weather. But when people try to predict the stock market something very different happens. When people predict that all the prices are going to go low then people start buying and then they go high. The same thing happens with sleep. Predicting how you’re going to sleep causes these sometimes wild and unpredictable effects. If you predict that you’re going to sleep well then they can either make you calm so that it does happen, OR it makes you pay more attention to sleep and then you sleep less! If you predict that you won’t sleep that can make you frustrated so that you sleep little, OR you feel less pressured to sleep and sleep more. As you can see, forecasting sleep creates a very unpredictable pattern so hard as it is, the best to do is trying not to predict. Because when you’re not trying predict, then sleep comes easier and becomes (paradoxically!) more predictable.
Hi Daniel I went through a stressful period started a new job was very anxious and wasn’t sleeping well for months. I have suffered bouts of insomnia my whole life but it plays up when I’m stressed I have been off work for 4 weeks with amazing sleep I had an amazing mindset felt so much sleep confidence after watching your channel. I started work again this week and from Saturday night until today Tuesday I have slept terrible again and lost all sleep confidence I’ve slept few hours each night and feel terrible. I feel like I have forgotten how to sleep why does this always seem to happen after things go so well :(
Hi G, sorry to hear but, we have a teaching we call success regress, if you search the channel you’ll find teaching on why it happens. Basically it’s when we think we have something to lose… hang in there
So true..about not trying to “ Fix” speed bumps I just read set it and forgot it.. and now starting to tackle 40yrs of Insomnia - time to vaporize this vicious cycle and get back to enjoying my days
Dave, so glad you found the book and the channel, and yes this I think is so true. Leaving internal problem solving we leave the struggle, regardless of how long it’s been 😊
Fantastic video, Daniel, it seems to me your explanations are still growing in clarity, which I find amazing as you were so clear already to begin with. Very helpful video for me 🙏
Hugo! Maybe this observation says more about you than my videos 😉😊 In all seriousness, I believe there’s more clarity all around. And I do think progress is so much about being able to explain something more clearly, so I was really happy to read this. Be well and thanks for all the support 🤗
Hello coach last time I spoke to you was like 1 month ago when I had speed bump after sleeping great in months. I like how easy it made me get back to my start point when knowing it was being caused Anxiety all anxiety thoughts or like you said resistance. All I did to get back in track was Allowing all hyperarousal all thoughts all uncomfortable sensation. I remember I told myself my body and my mind know what to. I trust my body and mind.
Just 1 week ago I had another speed bump I know where it came from. I found out I was pregnant and I already have 2 toddlers it was breaking point for coming to the point of wanting an abortion because my only fear is sleepless night on night of being desperately tired when the baby arrives. I will proceed with my pregnancy and I will allow my self to keep learning befor this baby is born.
I’m kind of in the place where you mentioning closing the hood. I feel like I’ve been there where I’ve closed the hood but when I have a relapse I feel like I’m still trying to dig what’s the problem, what caused it. I mean deep inside it always gonna be hyperarousal and anxiety. So like you said is there still more to learn for me? I can agree I may have a bit of resistance in some place
Hi Elly, Thanks so much for being in touch and I’m so glad you saw how when you allowed the hyperarousal, things fell into place by themselves 😊 And this is a great question about closing the hood. To me there’s a simple way to know: It’s reading this statement and checking the response. There is nothing I can do to sleep. If this sounds wild and scary, and it doesn’t make sense, then it’s probably best to stay and learn some more. If on the other hand it makes sense, and there’s some sense of relief, then you’re ready. Because then you’ve understood all the teaching and it’s led to a place of peace where you won’t struggle or respond when you sleep little (which we all do at times). You can close the hood.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 makes sense coach. I feel deep inside I’m ready to close the hood become acceptance and self kindness allows me to sleep better and not worry about sleepless nights. The term closing to hood, after closing it. Is it normal to still have some resistance maybe from anxiety and speed bumps of not sleeping right from a night of unknown hyperarousal.? If you understand my question.
Glad it did! And you know, this is such a natural follow up question. I would say absolutely (!) it is so normal to still have some resistance, to have some anxiety, to have some sleepless nights… it will happen to all of us. And sometimes we can take a look again under the hood if we need to! The point being that once you understand that the resistance IS the struggle, then it doesn’t mean you won’t have resistance or discomfort again (we all do!) but that thanks to your understanding it will not become this self-perpetuating state of mind ever again! Did this make sense?
Hi Daniel, thanks so much for this. After reading Set It and Forget It, I slept like a baby for a month. I've just come across a speed bump (can't believe it!). I noticed that I'd started to celebrate and focus on how good my sleep was (checking on a Fitbit etc). Yesterday I had a thought, "I'm going to try to ensure that my sleepscore on the Fitbit goes from 'good' to 'excellent", and then out of the blue I have a bad night of sleep. Does this come under the category of monitoring/'trying' to sleep/focusing on it too much? I have a feeling that I should almost just ignore my sleep, even when I am sleeping well? 🤔 I'm a super type-A, perfectionist, health aware person - I absolutely recognised myself in your book! We type-A folk aren't used to not 'fixing' problems 🤣 Thank you so much
Hi Jules, I think you’re seeing this sooo clearly. And you know, when we sleep well we monitoring at all, we are not even ignoring sleep because we wouldn’t think that there’s something that needs to be ignored!
Hello Daniel.I have just discovered this video. I have been following you and Alina (fearless sleep) for a few months now. My sleep seemed to improve for a couple of weeks recently -then I started listening to talks on speed bumps and started to get more anxious questioning whether I was okay with being awake and befriending wakefulness! Needless to say I started experiencing speed bumps culminating in an all nighter last night.I feel really anxious, fearful and exhausted.I also discovered that I am adopting very unhelpful habits like listening to you tube videos to reassure myself in the middle of the night and staying in bed after the alarm goes doing the same. I seem to be experiencing a pendulum pattern with a couple of magical moments. You say that sleeping well comes from being willing to be awake & to not have control. When I look into this my brain questions whether nights of better sleep were because I was more willing or just a fluke - is this just a trick of the mind? Throughout my insomnia journey (10 months) I have found it very difficult to befriend wakefulness. I understand that accepting wakefulness is important and sometimes I can just rest in my bed and see what happens, but when I'm in the middle of a speed bump my brain seems to go into fight/flight mode and I question whether I have made any progress at all or learnt anything. Is this normal and can you give me any advice? I am concerned that if this goes on I wont be able to do my job and that my anxiety will get even worse.It seems that my life revolves around sleep.... I know Im being hard on myself! It is such a lonely painful place. Thank you for all you are doing it makes a huge difference to so many people.
Hang in there, just thinking we can be kinder to ourselves we already are. And glad you found this video, we have a speed bump playlist that can help. Rooting for you
Hi Daniel thanks so much. Do you have a video about pendulum sleep? I seem to be in this at moment. I suppose it's the same as a roller-coaster ride in that we celebrate a win and then get very discouraged, anxious & frustrated at a poor night's sleep - win/lose mentality. I feel I'm learning a lot by following your videos and teachings And it is really hard to go through this. I agree that it is a spiritual journey....
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thanks Daniel that was very helpful. I hope you are well and having a good Festive season and best wishes for the New Year. I am not even sure that I am experiencing sleep bumps I just know that my sleep is very bumpy at the present time .I did have a period of less struggle where I slept quite well for 2-3 weeks, but I was always aware of resistance to not sleeping and being awake at night. I find it easier to accept that this is just how it is , but find the idea of befriending wakefullness really difficult. At the moment I am having really difficult nights where I have zero to a couple of hours sleep and I find this really hard to be with so there is a lot of struggle and I feel anxious and awful the next day. On the better nights I can sleep reasonably well , but am aware of sleeping lightly, a bit like sleeping with one eye half open! As you said in episode 386 I am aware of attributing success to the nights of good sleep and failure to the ones of little sleep and that this leads to unstable sleep. I assume that this is the bumpy process you describe and that it is normal? I am feeling really exhausted and frightened ... is it just a question of going through all of this and should I have a break from watching RU-vid videos and seeking reassurance? It does feel a bit of a compulsion and a sleep effort.... Any advice?
@janetyson-ly4rv hi Jane, yes, the bumpy path is very normal, and you know, effort feels high energy, it doesn’t feel nice… so as long as it feels nice tuning it, then you’re probably just here to learn and find some inspiration 🙂 but if it feels like you’re trying to reassure yourself, escape anxiety, it can help to do something else or just be aware e
I've not been able to get any contact with my Dr so I'm having to fend for myself. Doing my best to stay positive and get through this but it has gotten so bad that I can't do my job which as you can imagine is making my anxiety worse. I just wish I could switch off and finally sleep properly. Hope I can get through this soon as it feels like hell. Thank you so much for this channel though as its about the only thing giving me hope.
I can only imagine how intense it’s been Garry, but so glad you’re here and yes, this is all about showing that there’s hope, there’s peace, even when it has felt this was impossible. Hang in there
Hi Daniel, love your videos and they are helping me so much to understand what’s going on. I no longer have panic or anxiety over sleep. My problem is onset insomnia.It just takes me 3-4 hours to go off.I am now completely comfortable with being awake & make that time an enjoyable experience.But even when I am feeling exhausted I can feel the brake go on.As I am not frightened of being awake or coping on little sleep, I don’t know why it’s not getting any easier.Do I just need to carry on as I am and it will gradually get better?
Abigail! So glad to read that things are getting easier, thanks for the support 😊 One thing I would say is that whenever we wait for something like the milk to boil.. it takes forever but if we step away for a millisecond it’s burned! So just doing something nice like reading or watching some show in bed can help… Now this said, here’s something below that I thought could help, let me share this! - It can often seem odd that you don’t sleep even though you’re not anxious. Of course it does because if anxiety was the reason you had trouble sleeping, then when it fades you should sleep right? Here’s the thing, anything that makes us hyperaroused can keep sleep from happening. Imagine a kid before Christmas for example. They’re excited, not anxious. You know what else can create hyperarousal? Curiousity! Or puzzlement, being bewildered. So when you’re thinking “I’m not anxious so why am I not sleeping?” the answer is right there. It’s now the curiosity that’s keeping you awake! A natural next question becomes, so how do I become less curious? Guess what, you probably already have. Because when you understand something, there’s no mystery and less for the brain to figure out. But the best of all is that you’re less anxious. That may not seem like a big step right now because you slept little, but it is. As the anxiety fades and you’re no longer puzzled, sleep will come to you! - Hope this helps!
I feel so discouraged by constant speed bumps. It's like my insomnia is a whack-a-mole; I can't tell you how many times I've had a good week or 10 days and thought "I'm cured!" until something else creeps in and ruins my sleep again out of nowhere. Between February and April, I had a consistent pattern of 6 good nights, 1 sleepless one. Then I did Martin Reed's $500 course (which I loved), and started having 8 good nights, 1 sleepless one. Now I feel like I'm having 8-10 good nights, 1 bad one, 1 good night, 1 bad one, and then the cycle repeats over and over, and I feel stuck. Granted, these last few months have been particularly stressful - I hate that I never seem to have enough time to get resilient with sleep before some new stress strikes. Still, I know as long as I'm sleepy and relaxed, I will sleep, and that there's no reason to be hyperaroused because there's no enemy. I know how easy it is to lie down and just sleep without effort, because that's how most nights are. And as long as I feel peaceful in bed, I don't mind wakefulness one bit. Yet some nights the hyperarousal shows up and I just can't kick it, no matter what (I've even tried Claire Weekes' "floating," but no human being could possibly accept and befriend a heart that pounds for hours on end). I feel like there's nothing more to learn or do about sleep, yet I'm not making any long-term improvements, and I'm starting to think I never will. Do you have any advice?
Hi Lauren, Hang in there and you know, when we have this knowledge you have, you know a lot but things are still choppy, and especially when we feel discouraged, we can see why it’s happening and an invitation as well. The idea “ I know all this I should be sleeping “ often creates a pressure that keeps us from sleeping as well as self criticism because what we think should happen isn’t. I think the invitation here is for self kindness Lauren… nobody, no matter how educated has control over sleep. And when we don’t blame or criticize ourselves… then the pressure fades and things get easier. Hang in there and let us know how things go
So reassuring to watch this video, thanks Daniel! Last two weeks had been fantastic, but last night was a disaster, I can’t sleep until 2am and got really frustrated and took a sleeping pill. Do you have any practical skills that I can use to help me keeping calm and peaceful when I can’t sleep? It’s weird that I understand the theory well, like not caring will bring the sleep back, but when I’m having trouble sleeping, my brain seems to automatically generate negative thoughts, and it becomes a situation that I have to fight with my brain about those thought. And also what’s your opinion about sleeping pills? Should I keep them for sleepless nights or should I flush them down the toilet?
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks! I just bought you Set it Forget it on Amazon and started reading. And what’s your options about sleeping pills? Should I get rid of them?
I’ve been experiencing this lately where one day I sleep well and then the next I don’t want I realize with this video it’s resistance but also turbomaxed emotions when I’m rested, how do I deal with hyperarousal so I can improve my sleep quality?
What can I learn from having a speed bump once every couple of weeks? How do I help my brain to see I am safe? Just somehow tell myself not to worry or not think about it? Thank you Daniel appreciate your knowledge
Hi there 🙂 I was just talking with Coach Alina about recognizing thoughts like “this one is different”, “what if this one doesn’t end” during the speed bump, but then after the fact realizing it wasn’t special and it did end… this leads to being less worried about them, and because they come from fear simply worrying less means less bumps
Hi Daniel, I have been sleeping well before because I never thought of sleep. But one day a random thought just came in my mind that what if I dont sleep. And from that day I am unable to sleep. Now since it came to my attention I am not able to figure it out how to deal with it. I read your video on being awake/befriend wakefulness. But how can I befriend it if I am not able to sleep at all. Sleep is one of the greatest aspects of life which help us enjoy each day, without it our day just go wasted. Please help me as to why I never thought about it for 30 years and was sleeping well and suddenly one night I randomly thought about it and my mind got scared from that point. I have also tried to mail you my problem. Please help me in this situation to break the cycle. This has become chronic.
This is how it starts for most people I think, myself included. One day you just have this self-aware realization about how you’re able to sleep kinda like how you can be self aware that you’re unconsciously breathing or blinking. It’s similar to depersonalization too because with DP, one day you suddenly become aware of how you’re just a brain in a body. Almost 3 years later and I’m slowly but surely beginning to realize there’s actually nothing you have to do to sleep and man it’s hard to understand but it just takes self kindness (allowing yourself to experience speed bumps) and education. Daniel uses a great analogy about how when it happens, it’s like you’re finally seeing the matrix or the illusioned control of sleep. It’s sucks though lol but I believe there’s something powerful in getting to realize this
Hi Manpreet, Sorry to hear what’s happened, but glad you’re here. And many thanks to Ellie for these kind and encouraging words, which I totally believe to be true. Manpreet, it’s not easy. I think one thing that can help is to see that the suffering doesn’t come (at least far from all of it!) from not sleeping… but from judging ourselves for not sleeping. Thinking this isn’t normal, criticizing ourself for not being able to control something that cannot be controlled, that’s where the fatigue/brain fog/anxiety and all comes from. When we see that it’s not being awake, but criticizing ourselves that causes the suffering, then it’s a little easier to be ok with being awake…
This video and the part on speedbumps in your NATTO book have been so helpful for me in the past, so thank you :). I started sleeping better a while ago and used to occasionally have a short speedbump (a few days with little sleep). The last month however, my insomnia feels different: I'm having relatively consistent sleep, but about 1-2 hours less than I seem to need to feel happy and (mentally) healthy. It gives me a bit of anxiety. Can a speedbump period of a month still be considered a speedbump? Do you maybe have some advice or additional videos that could help me get through this period?
Hi there and, anytime, so glad you found this helpful. And you know, we don’t have any time definitions but rather a speed bump is just when it’s more difficult after getting easier. I think Insomnia insight 354 can help, because sadness, or not feeling happy, we can learn so much from. Hang in there
Very good video Daniel, the reason my latest speed bump was tougher was because the 1st time was 3 poor night's so when I had 4 bad nights this time my brain was thinking ' why is this speedbump going on longer than the last one' it tries to make you think there's something wrong all over again.
Thanks Derek! It’s funny we talked about exactly this in class today, how the brain is always trying to keep us safe and it can be very creative! It likes to point to reasons that “this time it’s different”, because it really wants us to take things seriously and DO something. Exactly like you said. And knowing this is so helpful, very glad to read this 😊
Hello Daniel I have a speed bump tonight. Here is what happened: For a month I sleep well. At bed time, I allow all thoughts to go out and just be aware of them without doing anything. But last night It doesn’t work! Should I continue this way of thinking? As in your video you said just doing nothing, hope nothing. So should I just drop everything?
Hi Truong! You know, I think the one little thing here is that last night, you were looking for something to “work”. Before this, there wasn’t the idea that anything could “work” and then sleep just happens by itself. So yes, I think the path you’re on, or not interacting, not achieving, not trying to control, to drop everything- this is the way 🙂
So to make sure I understand: I allow all my thoughts to go out, just be aware of them without doing anything BUT DON’T wish to get sleepy or wait to be sleep.
This is the way 😊 now the one thing to add, sometimes you’ll probably wish to get sleepy, because we can’t control our mind… and if you find this wish happen, just be kind to yourself and let this happen without judgement.
Hi Daniel I know you’re really busy and always helping other so when you get the free time please reply. I’m really depressed I’m constantly worrying about wakefulness and scared of being awake still. I see the paradox and I’ve been teaching myself that being awake can be pleasant instead of a threat but it’s still scary to do things while being awake there’s still a little fear but I’m trying . Any advice. I work tomorrow and I’m trying to show myself it’s okay to be awake even though I work in a few hours but I’m still a little scared :( Blessings to you even if you don’t get the chance to reply Daniel
Hi Leticia, Sorry to hear about the struggle… but you know you have a lot of insight and this really helps. When someone doesn’t see that it’s that fear of being awake that is the reason we have insomnia, then it’s hard for things to change, seeing this is the foundation. You know something I think so often causes us to have more trouble is when we think that we “shouldn’t”. We shouldn’t feel this way, we shouldn’t think so much about sleep, we shouldn’t still be scared of being awake… in reality, nobody has control over how they feel or think.. or sleep. So thinking we “shouldn’t” is really a way we are hard on ourselves… and you know this leads to self-kindness… when we treat ourselves as gently and kindly as we would a friend, or the 6 year old version of ourselves… then things get easier and lighter… And you know, I think when you see that you can work even if you haven’t slept much, this can help… anything that makes us less pressured helps… All you shared here is very normal and very common Leticia, hang in there and let us know how things go!
Hi Daniel - great video! Just what I needed! Still struggling here and there due to the stress I’ve been dealing with. Have some hyperarousal and jerks. Can you become hyperaroused by stress and anxiety unrelated to sleep? I think that’s what I’m experiencing hence the sleep disruption. I also think I have some residual fear from insomnia. Any advice on how to deal with that? Thanks so much for your great videos !
Hi Pat! Thanks so much for the support 😊 I think absolutely, hyper arousal can come from stress and anxiety unrelated to sleep. And of course this can cause sleep disruption which is different from insomnia. But as you point out you can have some residual fear from insomnia as well and It can cause a little bit of both, both sleep disruption and some insomnia. Now here is the thing, when it comes to sleep disruption it is due to circumstances that we have no control over so there’s really nothing to do. When we have insomnia from the fear of being awake well then there’s nothing to do except to understand this. So I think what you’re already doing is the most helpful.. deploying awareness! Things fall into place by themselves when we are aware and kind!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you for your thoughtful response! It really helps. I would love to see a video on residual fear and how to banish it for good! I assume it fades with time and the right mindset. All the best to you.
Mm this is a good topic… that lingering fear… I would say whenever we find ourselves thinking in terms of banish/conquer/get rid of/beat… then this signals that we are looking for a fight…and the fading can take a little longer… when we go towards being willing to have some residual fear, seeing that it’s normal and typical, that even if there’s no real danger insomnia can be a traumatic event and we have that okness towards any feeling… then it melts a little easier…
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Yes, you are so right about this, I hadn't thought of the residual fear that way! I will accept that I have this and know it's normal and not try to banish or conquer it as you say...maybe that's all I need to do and then this fear will eventually go away. It wasn't that long ago that I suffered from insomnia so I guess it's expected that I would have some lingering effects from it. Thank you as always for your incredible insights!
Hi Daniel, I know i shouldn’t be thinking or predicting. But I still have panic of panic - the more I tell myself not to predict the more the brain is afraid of predicting or doing something to worsen it and the more it does that! It feels like it’s a paradoxical cycle of fear of fear of fear which is hard to even do anything or do nothing to get better. I’m not sure if I’m making sense but sometimes knowing that doing nothing helps it more makes it worse? Like as if there’s an expectation that if I don’t do anything I’ll get better but fear gets worse? Not sure how to get out of this paradoxical cycle. Many thanks
Daniel I am trying to do CBT-I. What you’re saying all makes sense to me but how do I reconcile it with cbt techniques like using sleep restriction? It seems like resistance but it also helped me get over my insomnia initially. But six months later it’s back with a vengeance.
Hi SPB, I’m glad it made sense and you know, much of what I teach isn’t compatible with CBTi. In fact anything we approach as a technique to achieve sleep is quite problematic imho. I think if you check the This is Natto playlist (link in description of new videos) you’ll get a real good idea! But it can help to understand why many things that helped perhaps didn’t help in a way that sets you free. I often teach that we cannot escape a perceived threat. One common objection when you hear that anything you do to escape being awake makes you have more trouble is that you recall this one thing that actually worked. When you took that medication, or when you were very physically active, or did sleep restriction, that did indeed help. You slept more and worried less. Isn’t this evidence that you actually can escape even a perceived threat? No. But you can find a cave. In fact, this is exactly what you’re looking for when you’re scared. You’re looking for a safe place where the Grizzly bear can’t get you. And when you believe for example in a medication, or in the power of exercise, then that can boost your courage. You feel you have something at your disposal that can make you safe. Something that can help you sleep. Something that keeps you out of reach from the claws and jaws of that bear. You have a safe cave. Here’s the thing, it truly feels good having found some safety and some control. There’s no doubt about that whatsoever. The cave feels good, until it doesn't. The problem with being in the cave is that the underlying confusion hasn’t changed at all. You still believe that there is a Grizzly bear out there looking for you. You’ve just found a safe hiding spot. And sooner or later, it will find you again. When you’re going through some stress or change, you sleep little even when you take the medication or do your exercise. And now, it’s as if even the cave isn’t safe anymore. You’re once again face to face with the Grizzly bear and you have to go deeper into the cave or find a new one. Now the cave doesn’t seem so appealing any more. The place you went to for safety becomes more and more of a prison. And this all happened because it felt like something did work. It felt good having some safety, a shelter, a hiding place. This is why it is so important not to look for a cave but rather to understand that there is no Grizzly bear! There’s just a little confusion that’s all. Because when you see this, the cave actually no longer is a problem! You can now see with clarity what direction you should be heading in: outside to befriend wakefulness, rather than inside to escape it. And when you have this clarity, you can look at having been in a cave or looking for one as an important educational step in your journey.
Is it normal to have several? I've def gotten better, i'll have weeks of good sleep then a week of none, then days of good sleep, then days of insomnia, and its been that way since January. Do they ever end...?
Hi J TK, It is very normal and common to have several bumps on the path to leaving the struggle. And although we will always have a knights of choppy sleep, that’s just part of the human experience, when we are no longer afraid of this, and we don’t try to stop it, we no longer have speed bumps. Hang in there and let us know how things go.
Why does it seem I get one good night and one less good night? I watched your video on patterns. But it is so odd how do I let go of the weird mental worry about it? Do others have this?
Hi Jennifer, There’s a specific pattern called the pendulum, that’s when every other is bad/good. Very common, there’s a video here on this, I think that one can help much!
Hello again, Coach Daniel! I left a comment on another setback episode, I appreciated you directing me to the speed bumps playlist. I am hoping for a little more input. Overall, since finding your program over a month ago I have been sleeping great. However I have had 3 or so speed bumps, one of which happened Saturday night. All day Sunday I felt highly anxious, and find myself focusing on the repeat of the sleeplessness vs. all the positive progress I've made. I felt very good physically on little sleep, tried to have a fun day, and to focus on the fact there were absolutely no dire consequences (no grizzly bear!) but still find myself in a place of resistance to being awake at night. It took several hours to sleep last night, but I DID fall asleep and slept well once I finally was able to. I still find myself today feeling some frustration that I haven't been able to focus on my positive progress and instead anxious about these speed bumps. Do you have any recommendations about how to shift thinking, or at least accept that I am still anxious/afraid and gain some hope that that fear will continue to diminish? Thank you!
Hi again! Very glad to hear that this playlist was helpful and that sleep has happened easier 😊 And you know, reading this, what I think can really really help is to learn from one single word that is saw twice here. Let’s take a look: The word “still” is special because in itself, it teaches us so much that is very helpful. When we use “still” we are waiting for something to happen as a result of something we have done or something we are doing. It can be “I’m still waking up every hour even when I’m befriending wakefulness” or “I still feel anxious even if I acknowledge my emotions”. It shows us that we have some effort, some trying, some attempt at having control… which is always what leads to some trouble when it comes to sleep and our inner landscape! Now when you know this, you can take advantage by pausing when you notice yourself using the word “still”. You can take note of what it is you’re trying to change and by what means. And this is all. Awareness in itself is all needed. Objective awareness without self criticism. “Aha, I see what my brain is up to!”. And when you simply become aware, the effort fades by itself. So yes I think if you use this to contextualize your message, you’ll learn much that helps. Thanks for commenting and let us know how things go!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 You are so right Daniel, I do find myself in a place of wanting to accept your teaching, and wanting to be in a place of honestly not caring about sleep or not. I feel I've made much progress in recognizing intellectually that there is no physical threat in not sleeping. But I guess I need to accept that I am not emotionally/internally believing it 100%, I do care about sleep! So am resisting and wanting to change that with some effort... I will try the "simple" practice of being more aware of these feelings as they come up, and then... do nothing with them. Do you have any particular videos you'd recommend to get more insight on that mental process or activity? Thank you!
Sounds wonderful 😊 And you know, the episode from last week on the inner fork, it resonated with lots of people so I think that could be a nice place to learn. Be well and stay in touch now.
Having done sleep restriction and found it created anxiety, do you think its important to have a strict wake up time? I generally will sleep in if I have had a night of only an hour or so
Hi Abigail! Check the This is Natto playlist, you’ll find an episode there on “The timeless sleep window”, it covers these questions nicely. Let me know what you think after seeing it!
hi coach i'm sleeping better (falling asleep faster, staying asleep) but some nights i take a little longer to fall asleep like an hour and on those days, i notice in the mornings my eyes feel dry and unable to focus. Is this a symtom of poor sleep quality? I don't necessarily feel sleepy in the morning, rather just eye fatigue, they stay this way the whole day and feel more sleepy earlier during the day.
Hi Sunada, very glad things are easier! And you know, it just takes a little time until the brain sees that there’s no danger at all. It’s super common to have eye itches and irritation and feeling like they’re dry or that “sand in the eyes” feeling with insomnia. Not sure why but I think it may simply be that the eyes are a sensitive area and when we are a bit hyperaroused we notice things there more.. But I’d say overall, when things are getting easier the most helpful is typically just to keep doing what you’re doing 👍
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you you always reply to my comments and you help me feel reassured when I think I’m going through a rough time. Just went through a sleepless night actually and it did come with some negative thoughts but I’m still alive! Still preoccupied with how well I sleep and the symptoms of poor sleep like anxious stomach and sore eyes but I’m hopeful it will be okay. Thanks again
Yes you’re still alive and safe!! This is so helpful to see, and you just turned a sleepless night into a great learning 👍👍 You’ll arrive where you want to be Sunada
Hi Jennifer, I’ll do an episode on this but really, I think it’s much more about how we think of those nights than setting alarms. When we see that we were just scared, when we aren’t criticizing ourselves or being hard on ourselves, that reset happens
Hey Daniel, Really nice to see this video right when I got into a speed bump :). My brain was wondering why the techniques you gave in a previous video (ie: "download your thoughts by writing them down" or mentally telling your brain "I hear you" or even imagining your worst fear if you don't sleep ) didn't help me as much this time. However, I realized this happened because despite trying to apply this great advice from you, there was intent from my brain to "create magic", aka to make things the way they were before by reapplying your techniques. This was giving me pressure as a consequence (brake). As a result, I am trying to befriend wakefulness by doing nothing, even though it's not always easy. Let me know if my explication made sense to you. Thanks for the video again!
Victor! I am so happy this video came timely. In fact I’m realizing that it is almost always timely because this is a common :-) Other than this, I really have a little to add. Your message year was just pure insight. Hundred percent. Use these things very very clearly and you are on a very nice path. It’s true it’s not easy but with clarity and understanding things become lighter and easier. Thanks so much for sharing this and let us know how things go!
