This is a conversation I had with MYSELF! You absolutely nailed this one bro. So self explanatory, yet these evangelicals (several in particular I'm thinking of) deliberately oversimplify and LIE abut the reality of human experience to shoehorn their beliefs into everyone's life.
great perspective. i never felt the need of coming out but it did to my parents because i thought i would feel more free but paradoxically it was the opposite. i feel more in the closet now they said they still love me because i will always be their kid. but they seemed awkward and kind of dissapointed. and we never spoke about it after that day and we act like it i never happened. so the whole situation was weird and instead of letting me be more free now i feel like i have to hold back in front of them and everywhere, really. like if i do anything that's "too queer" we all are gonna be awkward about it because im bringing it back to the surface. i guess it is kind of stupid because they already know im queer. but somehow i just felt more free to do stuff before coming out, even though deeply they probably knew i was queer by then too. but i guess that's on me and that's how im reacting to the situation and may be i could change it if i wanted to/knew how
Hey be easy on yourself. I think all you need to work on is the fear and insecurity you feel when you express your querness around them. Honestly the best therapy for that is exposure therapy which is doing it and exposing yourself to their reaction and seeing that no matter what their reaction is the world doesn’t stop just because they may feel weird about it. Idk I hope this was helpful
Yikes there are things about me that allowed me to realize I was gay. I think the biggest sign was that I was aroused looking at boys. That was at 11/12… I didn’t have sex until I was 19. Homosexuality does not just = sex and that’s where fundamental Christianity and evangelical traditions miss the mark. People that want to be in relationship and find a person that wants to share that mutuality too, that then have to deny themselves causing more psychological harm than good and when doctrine harms instead of bringing healing, might be time for a second look. I bang with this message 😊
So. My church has one of those programs for SSA people. It stands for same sex attracted people. I'm 19, I'm a virgin and I'm still figuring things out. I decided when I was 13 that I was going to be a celibate. I'm part of this church community and it's hard for me to accept my orientation. I can't say I'm gay or whatsoever. I REALLY wish I were anything but who and what I am today.
I’m sorry. That’s an awful place to be. I know you’re not in a place to hear this right now but there is nothing wrong with you or your orientation. People who try to vilify aspects of your humanity because of their own unresolved issues and bigoted religious beliefs are the problem.
Please remember that God loves you as you are, without qualifications or conditions or reservations. It sounds like your church teaches that too. Remember it would be a much bigger heresy to deny God loves you because you are gay, or that He set you up to fail and suffer. I'm a gay Christian too, and I don't have all the answers, but I can say that God has given us this capacity and will use it (along with everything other part of ourselves He has given us) to show his glory and beauty in ways that we cannot even imagine.
This happened with an ex of mine three years before I met my husband. For the two years I lived with him, he hid me and his homosexuality. I even had to be out of the house when a friend or family member came over. We split, and I moved out. I learned last year he died in 2021 at the height of COVID. In some inadvertent way, I believe his internalized homophobia contributed to his early death, and that makes me terribly sad.
You should be in control of your body , who put your dick in charge? Try a group, class or even a book on Tantric Sex like anything worth having it takes a bit of time and effort but it puts you in charge not your penis.
Mike is it possible to speak to you? All our stories are unique. This wall needs to be torn down and the church reformed. Thanks for loving our community.
I don't like the idea that gay celibacy is disrespectful, or that celibacy, singleness, and sexual abstinence must be torment. I also think it is dangerous to imply that being celibate means you're not gay, because to be gay is to be sexually active; I think that's an unhelpful implication that both conservative and progressive discourse indulges but that is ultimately just false. I know you probably didn't mean to say those things, but I feel like there is some well-meaning conflation going on here that implies it. You can be outspoken about how loving and appreciating someone of the same sex can be beautiful and meaningful, without rejecting that it is also beautiful to build a life so full of other source of meaning that you don't have time for a romantic or sexual relationship. I actually do appreciate that I learned that message from the welcoming-but-not-affirming church I grew up in and feel it is important, even if I don't like that they also hid it could be beautiful to fall in love. And I think it is also true that many gay people have the opposite problem - feeling pressure to spend lots of time on sex and romantic to feel complete or like a "real gay", regardless of whether they actually take fulfillment from it. I also just don't think it's true that think that being gay is an automatic boost of empathy and emotionally intelligence. It's definitely not true for a lot of people. And I don't think we need that false justification to feel good about being gay. It's enough of a gift to feel love for anyone, even if the more craving, animal side of sexuality has drawbacks for heteros and homos alike.
I think the video was expressing that being gay is about more than just sexual relationships. It's about engaging in relationships from a different viewpoint. You can love those of the same sex in romantic ways or as a platonic life partner. Your perspective and "lifestyle" also stem from a minority view, making you more likely to engage with other minorities such as sexual minorities, racial minorities, economic minorities, and/or other queer minorities.
Just regarding your first sentence, I think it was the context in which he was deciding to be celibate was unhealthy. It wasn't for personal reasons he'd figured out about himself, but because of fear from a narrative created and pushed by a third party.
I think the video poster made this video to explain that to many people, queerness is more than sex. Evengelicals would demonize the two ace people cuddling about as much as they would demonize two men having consensual sex in their own home.
Wait... what!? Someone explain... did he just associate trauma to his gayness? Does that mean men/women who have had trauma in their lives resort to homosexuality. Therefore, his coping is a choice, instead of an inherent trait. Then, the argument about being gay is a choice is valid if we present it in this narrative.
The idea is that the trauma causes a higher level of sensitivity to emotional and social interactions and issues. You get traumatized because of bullying for your gay identity, look for signs of further triggers and ignitions to trauma, and become more socially aware in the process as you have watched interactions from the outside in, the inside out, the inside in, and the outside away in order to understand why people don't like who you are and who may accept you (e.g. women).
