For real. Being a chick who is 6’0 tall, I fucking hate when people say I shouldn’t wear heels because I’m already tall. People who say that are putting their insecurities onto others. She is a young woman and she should have every right to wear something that makes her feel beautiful.
100%. honestly i think OP is an AH already, even if he didn't 'do anything' yet. the way he wrote about his daughter just seemed so unloving and matter of fact, no real emotion or anything. i know you don't have to write novels about your loved ones in a reddit post, but something about the way he spoke about his daughter was so offputting and kinda cold? idk, but it seems to me he already, likely unintentionally, holds negative feelings about his daughter regardless of her shoe choice. there was something about the way he wrote about her and the situation that just makes it feel like there has always been a i disdain, its just now at a head bc of the heels. cant help but wonder if he would've spoken about his daughter with more of a loving vibe if she was short. trauma sucks and is terrible to deal with and i feel for him, but if you live in a state of being triggered by the people around you and let it impact those relationships, then you are an AH imo, and its great that he's done some work, but i don't think its nearly enough
From a chick who is 4ft11 I hate when people tell me I have to wear heels! Bitch… I’m disabled it ain’t gonna add height to my wheelchair is it.🛞 don’t wear 👠
They (Morgan and Justin) said that it wasn’t about ego for OP but I think it IS because he mentioned that he doesn’t want his daughter to appear taller than him. That implies he care what other people think about her being taller and it’s not about his feelings of her being taller, if that makes sense. It’s all about is ego. That might be connected to some deep seated trauma but it’s still about this ego. 🤷🏾♀️
Story 4: - she saved his life - she sacrificed her body to give him a child HE insisted on having - she kept up her humour and worked on getting over the incident so it didn’t affect him - she went out of her way to learn about HIS culture and HIS language So he - joins dating websites - gets more disgusted by her the more she heals emotionally - wants to cheat bc he’s not attracted to her tiny scar. - keeps her from seeing family and friends bc he’s embarrassed by her - decides he maybe doesn’t want a baby anymore. - whinges about a therapist calling him on his assholeness Was he planning on dumping her as soon as her body changed post baby? WTAF.
Genuinely disgusting and horrible human being. It just goes to show he doesn’t view her or value her as an equal partner. At the end of the day, he views women as sexual objects there to look pretty and be meek for him. His masculinity was threatened and now his true colours show. I hope that woman finds the reddit story and leaves him.
honestly he's such a disgusting piece of sht. English isnt my native language so i heard it wrong and i thought he meant he didn't feel attractive to her bc she saved him and he was embarrassed, but this??? omg she should DUMP him
story 2: i dont care how long or badly you have been bullied, you don't get to see other people as not human. him not seeing women who are taller than him as human and it taking him to having a daughter to humanize her only slightly is extremely concerning.
Story 4: HOLY s***. This badass woman literally stepped in front of him and took the hit. She's a hero. He does not unconditionally love her. He needs some serious help to get through this. She deserves way better.
Just a kindly info dump: Keep a bowl of baking soda or salt, (never use flour or sugar) opposite the stove for grease fires. It smothers the flames and prevents splashing. And check your extinguisher for what kinds of fire they are designed for and check the recharge date, most fire stations will recharge them for free
with the tall girl story, i just want to emphasize what justin said about how this is going to affect his daughter. so many parents project their insecurities onto their children, and it causes a cycle. i also think the way the dad views women who are taller than him as less-than-human is… concerning. when you take into account that many people go through extreme trauma/bullying on the basis of their sexuality/race and don’t turn into bigots, the sociological angle comes more into light.
Yes yes yes. All of this. Also, as somebody with diagnosed PTSD, it is my own responsibility to deal with and handle my own triggers. Not anyone else’s. If the trigger is unavoidable, it’s on ME to work on it in therapy and use my coping skills.
It really struck me that like, he was bullied and told he was lesser because of his height, and somehow he doesnt realize thats exactly what hes doing to his daughter. He's controlling her height around him so that shes "acceptable" and "safe" in his eyes. It's gonna hurt her just as much as it hurt him
Not gonna lie, the fact that the "short" guy's fear and disgust toward tall women applies to his DAUGHTER is weird as hell. It seems like a lot of his trauma revolves around the belief that women taller than him could never love him, otherwise I would think he would have a similar disgust toward other men taller than him, too. But no, just women. Again, why does this have anything to do with his daughter??
That guy just rubbed me the wrong way all around. By his narrative, the men in his life traumatized him about his height… so he despises and dehumanizes women? I’m tired of men taking out their shit on women. Expecting the world to cater to his insecurity was also entitled and immature. Passing on his trauma to his daughter was just the icing on the cake. I had no empathy, personally.
@@alipeterson6835 well said and SAME. I disagree with Morgan and Justin that there’s no ego with this guy. They sometimes err on the side of being TOO kind and this is one of those times. This man’s hatred for tall women-to the point he’s having disgust towards his daughter!-is so bizarre and concerning. This man has been to THERAPY? Coulda fooled me. I have a 15 year old son and as a parent I’ve had plenty of times where I had to swallow my own ego, fears, doubts, etc. in order for my child to get to do what he wanted or needed. It’s easier to do as a parent because you realize it’s your kid and you want the best for them. But this guy is forbidding his daughter to wear a requirement to be a bridesmaid (which, being 16 she probably is already insecure being so young so anything that makes her stand out will be embarrassing) so HE feels more comfortable. NO. Just NO. And he’s been bugging his wife and daughter about it so much they’re sick of hearing it. Take a hint! To me, the disgust towards his daughter and the constantly trying to make the daughter wear flats is all ego. Forcing someone else to do something they don’t want for your comfort is ego. What about when he has to walk his daughter down the aisle at her own wedding? Will she have to be barefoot? OP needs help but unfortunately, his ego will continue to get in the way.
Yeah i do not feel sorry for him. My dad is 5 feet tall. My mother and i are 4 inches taller (we are all latino) its never been an issue in fact hes bought my mom heels
What pisses me off further about the "my wife got attacked so I wanna cheat" story, is that she was going out of her way to embrace and learn about his culture, even learning the language, and OP still doesn't value that over the fact she's got a facial scar. Like does he realize how AMAZING she is for that? How many mixed race/culture couples let parts of their culture, of themselves, fade into the background because it's convenient? How many people wish their partners would learn just a handful of phrases so they could communicate with their inlaws? OP's wife deserves someone who cares about her as deeply as she cares about him and it's sad to me she doesn't currently have that. After all that she's been through, she deserves the world. (I will note Korea is notorious for its toxic beauty standards, gender norms, and shitty mental health but I can't think of any cultures that are big on cheating either. You're in another country now, OP. Get a new therapist and TREAT YOUR WIFE LIKE THE QUEEN SHE IS.)
Koreans are big on cheating, it's known. so much so, that thay had a law where cheating was illegal but eventually they changed it. So I'm not surprised tbh, along with the fact that they care so much about being beautiful and cute and the beauty standards are really toxic like you said.
I have to second that. Korea is notorious for its beauty standards. Society there ESPECIALLY puts on a lot of importance on appearance. Heck, beautiful people get jobs easier here.
100% I don't think her husband actually loves her at all, he's talking about not even wanting the baby! He's literally throwing away his badass amazing wife that's doing the most for her husband and baby and he's willing to toss it all away because she got a scar FROM PROTECTING HIM! This woman is learning your culture and language, growing your child, she will literally jump into harm's way to protect him and his only concern is "do I even want this baby" and "how can I cheat on my wife". I hope she finds this post and leaves him, she deserves so so so much more.
To add insult to injury, he was the one who persuaded her to have a kid!!! I mean that's no bad thing in of itself but his wife was the fence and he was ADAMANT. So he successfully convinces her, impregnates her and is now like 'Nah' cos she stood up for the both of them? He can do one. If I was that child and grew up to find out my father harboured attitudes like that, I'd probably end up hating him.
Story 5 really warmed my heart. OP did something so wonderful for that woman and her son. It's sad enough that the world makes it difficult to afford a child for potentially loving parents. She changed that woman's life for the better.
The second story, I get that the dad have trauma and all, but what he's doing right now is giving his daughter the exact same trauma here. He's making his daughter feel bad for being tall
@@Srabubulupa peopld having trauma is never their fault, but their behaviour in relation to said trayma is something that people can and should be held accounted for (in many circumstances). Its your responsibility to learn your own triggers and figure out how you need to deal with that so youre not negatively impacting those around you and potentially traumatising them
@@Srabubulupa the whole STORY is him whining about it being his way even when they suggest he doesnt go he "doesnt like feeling excluded" you should not limit your children from something they want to do especially if there isnt harm in it just because he has trauma. Like THT says there is NO way this girl will never wear heals in her life. the man needs therapy he shouldnt be afraid of all tall women what if his aunt is taller or someone in his family is it so debilitating he cant go out? He is a GROWN man its time to work through the trauma.
Story 5: The 19yo mother/any other pregnant persons can always change their mind about adoption, even if it's through an official agency. After they give birth, they have to wait 72 hours before they can legally sign any paperwork and in that time they can back out of the adoption. The brother and SIL should look into going through an official agency instead of picking a random vulnerable individual and pressure them into giving up their baby with money and health care. That's quite manipulative and strange. Or, they can do surrogacy where it's legally required for the pregnant person to give up the child at birth, they seem to have the money for that route.
@@livewithmanon6443 why are you trying to erase women? It’s not “pregnant person” it’s pregnant woman. Women go through the agony and torture of birth, that needs to be understood and fucking respected. And before you say, “but it’s not always a woman giving birth” 99.9% of the time, it is so there’s zero reason to change the language to disrespect what women go through to appease a minuscule amount of people. Women are and have always been dehumanized and disrespected in society so it’s even more sickening to see supposed progressive people do it too.
Story 4: the wording about the husband seeing the therapist made him “feel so low” is kinda up to interpretation to me. Bc therapy can be very raw and emotional, and sharing your most vulnerable parts can be very scary. Also, sometimes therapists can tell you the truth you don’t want to hear. So I’m curious if the therapist wasn’t actually a shitty person, but the husband was just given a really hard pill to swallow? Maybe he gave up on the therapy bc he didn’t want to own up to his feelings?
I agree. Therapy isn't always easy and like you said, the therapist probably said something OP wasn't ready to hear or admit to himself. And sometimes your therapist should tell you that you're an asshole in professional terms. Sometimes we are wrong and need to admit that to ourselves. Therapy is a tool to help us understand why we do messed up things, etc.
That’s what I’m thinking I find hard to believe a professional therapist made a patient feel even worse than when they came in I really think they stated the facts to him and he couldn’t handle the truth and left
Story 4: is it a “bad therapist” or is he just upset that the therapist isn’t enabling his behavior, coddling his emotions and telling him what he wants to hear? We may never know. As somebody that’s an avid, regular therapy goer, when u are in the wrong, their job is to tell you and sometimes it’s not easy to hear, sometimes it does make u feel worse and it definitely sucks so i feel for him if that’s maybe something he doesn’t understand but majority of the time that’s what healing and getting better takes. Hope they both heal bc she deserves the love she is giving.
4: she SHOULD leave him. Imagine stepping in front of an attack for your partner and being BLAMED AND RESENTED FOR IT. This guy is the one doctors warn sick women about to prepare for smh 5: absolutely not T.A. she was helping a poor woman who needed help and would not have even been there if she had another choice. It’s heartbreaking to think of the women who are stuck in that situation every day
Agree and agree in adding onto for 5 having been adoptee Tik-Tok the brother and sister-in-law giving me so much it they wanted a baby so bad they prayed on a girl in it desperate situation.
Story 4 is just super sad. Like.. I'm kind of speechless. His wife was attacked and has a scar... and he's embarrassed? I understand men go through a lot of turmoil during pregnancy with their partner, but even going through the point where he's made all of it about him and he's hiding her from friends/family. Ugh. He needs therapy. That's so unfair to his wife. That woman, as justin put it, is a BAD ASS.
And an extra level of bullshit is that he pushed her to have a child and is now being like “uhhhhhhh idk”. Has she not given him enough or sacrificed enough for him? OP does not deserve his wife.
This guy had his back turned to a person who was attacking them and it's his fault his wife took the brunt of that attack. He can't look at her since her scar is a constant reminder of his own shortcomings. If he is Korean, he probably grew up in a toxic proud culture and he can't forgive himself or his wife for what happened that day.
There's definitely more going on. Was it her decision alone to want their kid to be able to speak his language at home? And they probably had a wedding without his family there if they still haven't met his wife (but idk maybe they got married during covid when no one could travel). I'm Asian and I dated someone who was born in Korea. Meeting the family is very important when you're going to marry that person...
Story 4: I’m a therapist! And it sounds like signs of PTSD. He has associated her and the scar with the traumatic event so he is now unattracted because of the reminder. And the whole cheating thing, sounds like you said, he feels like less of a man because of the attack and being saved by her. So in his mind, sleeping with someone else will make him a man again.
Story 3: Love and care for your children, but don’t stop living for YOURSELF because of your children. Seen far too many cases of lonely parents with no interests, hobbies or friends because their world revolved around their children. So when the children becomes an adult and moves away and begins their own lives then the parents don’t know what to do.
Also, the kids might pull further than they would have otherwise, because they couldn't do anything that didn't involve their parents, and know it'll be the same unless they create some distance.
She’s most definitely the butt hole in this situation, is she saying he should NEVER go to work, the grocery store etc? Their relationship will crumble if they don’t allow time to themselves and just center around the baby I’ve seen it happen too many times to count
If it's not some sort of PPD I'm getting controlling abusive vibes. Like he shouldn't leave even for a day. Even though she said what he wanted to hear during the pregnancy. Child abandonment for a week away? She needs get away from the baby for a day.
Also if you don't leave your child with someone else for a single day before they go to school I think they're gonna have attachment issues and preschool or kinder is going to be a nightmare unless she wants to homeschool, and if you're homeschooling for that reason I think there's gonna be other issues
story 2 is absolutely about ego!! he has issues with tall women specifically. it was triggered by trauma, yes, as many fragile egos are. i’m a tall-ish woman and my dad was so proud of how tall me and my sister are. even taylor swift has written songs mentioning men who try to belittle her by telling her not to wear heels!
I have to agree. I 100% think it’s his ego because it’s hurting his self esteem and self confidence he’s built up. He doesn’t see taller girls as human beings. I agree it’s been triggered by past traumas but it’s his ego and he sucks for passing this generational trauma onto his daughter.
Story 5 has me CRYING. I had my daughter at 16, I can’t imagine having to give her up due to financial reasons. I wish them both the best!! Her brother can find someone who WANTS to give their baby up for adoption, or hire a surrogate.
Exactly! It would have been so heartbreaking for her to give up her child that she only wants what's best for her baby. I agree with those who said this is predatory behavior because why would you separate a mother from her child???? She only wanted a bit of assistance until she can get herself back up.
i do feel really bad for the parents though. adoption is a rough process for literally every party involved. And the grief from thinking a child will be yours and that suddenly not being the case anymore is no joke. That's something that can happen over and over again and it can take years to actually find a child and go through the adoption process
Surrogacy isn't much better, women are not broodmares for hire. There are plenty of women who want to give up kids, it's not like they don't have enough selection. And how much you wanna bet they don't want a brown baby or a disabled baby. Only a healthy pretty white one.
@@emmavrijburg6676 then maybe they will stop going for the vulnerable mothers and seek someone who chooses adoption for their child vs they need to because they don’t have the resources. This sounds like such a predatory situation. As someone else mentioned it’s very much like being trafficked.
That adoption story honestly made me cry. OP is such an amazing person and it makes me so happy to see a decent person intervene with a corrupt adoption and actually empower a mother to support her baby. What a rockstar. Absolutely not the asshole.
Story 4 is so upsetting. While you were reading it, I actually started crying. How could he say those awful things after she literally herself in front of danger like that for him? The fact that he’s now hiding her from his friends and family because of a scar she has that literally shows how much she loves him is heartbreaking 💔
I am 5'11 and that has always been a sore spot of mine. This lead me to ask every dude I interacted with how tall they were. I believed being taller made me less feminine. I started talking to this guy and we clicked so well...but then he told me he was 5'8. At this moment I decided I was being ridiculous about my height requirement and gave it a shot. He is now my husband!
5’11” here with a 5’8” husband as well. Can definitely relate to feeling less feminine at this height. You always want what you can’t have! Morgan always wanted a few inches and I was always jealous of the cute tiny faerie girls. Now I appreciate my height for what it is, convenient.
I’m 6’0 and my boyfriend is 5’6. Everyone, including us, says we look great together, hot ass couple. Height don’t matter, the person does! (Plus in bed you’re the same height anyway so🤪)
5'9 girly here. Currently getting to know a guy who's 5'6. First time I date a shorter man, but the first one I click with in years! And he's so secure in himself. Still a bit weird and I'm a bit fearful of some of my friends commments, but honestly I don't care, cause I'm happy when I'm with him.
@@Kittnwars tell any of your "friends" to shove off if they have anything to say about your or his height. Life's too short to spend time with people like that. Good luck!
I'm 6ft. I remember a friend's dad once told me I was too tall and it's an inconvenience to have me in his home because I take up too much space.... He was about 5 ft 6. That made me so insecure about my height. I remember crying to my parents about this and my Dad telling me don't let his insecurities bring me down that's his problem with tall woman. He told me to stand up straight and be proud of who you are because I am perfect. I've tried my best taking his advice but it truly did make me sometimes think that I was just too much because of something I couldn't control. I hope that man gets therapy and treats his daughter with respect.
As an adoptee, I smiled when Morgan landed on the big epiphany "we should provide people with the resources to keep their baby." Reality is, many -dare I say MOST people - who give up children for adoption do so under material duress. Parents calculate that they don't have the resources necessary (whether financial or emotional or social) to raise the child, so they relinquish. I was put up for adoption by a 16 year old girl to a wonderful family that gave me a good childhood with lots of opportunities. But 25 years later when I finally met my birth mom, she sobbed and begged for forgiveness, telling me that she never wanted to let me go but that she had to because she couldn't give me the life I deserved. I think most adoptions have similar dynamics, even those conducted through "official" agency channels. There's usually some element of coercion, even if it's at the level of the social.
i was thinking this too!!! its definitely giving closeted boy heartbreak. either that or the brother really hates his best friend bc he knew his sister since she was super young and they had a bit of an age gap, but that doesn’t account for why he’s mad at the sister.
As someone who's going through the adoption process currently, story 5 hit my heart. No mom should feel forced to go through adoption, so I'm glad OP is helping the mom. And there are proper channels to adopt. It's a painful process and a long wait. And it's expensive (which is scary in and of itself, at least for someone like me). What OP stopped gives those of us trying to do adoption right a bad name. So good on OP!
Story 5: OP is a fucking legend. Not only did she protect a young mother from a predatory situation, but actually gave her the means to escape altogether and create a new, better life for herself and her child. The way the girl reacted to the offer for the money… not just naming a big number and running away but actually sitting down, crunching the numbers, planning things out way in advance, and making promises to pay back? She’s clearly hardworking, motivated, mature and strong, she’s gonna be an excellent mother, there’s no doubt about it. OP saved two lives in one move. Her brother needs to find a proper adoption agency instead of preying on pregnant teens who feel like they don’t have any other options.
thank you morgan for pointing out the possibility of PPD in the third story because i totally did not consider that! honestly, the part about taking him to court was really bizarre and out-of-nowhere, so maybe that explains it. regardless of if it’s a bait-and-switch or PPD, couple’s counseling would be a good start.
It also sounds like she's internalizing a lot of the societal mom-guilt. They aren't irresponsible for maintaining their lives as an individual just because they have a child, in this instance - you have a reliable and trustworthy carer on hand. But also, a month is a long time. I don't know about the relationship they all have, but why not take the parents along? That way everyone gets a chance to do some fun exploring, the couple has time, the grandparents have time...could be awesome!
@@klaythoring1326 was it a whole month to leave the baby? If that's the case I can understand the reaction. My daughter is 21 months old and he declined a job that would have him leave for 5-6 days a week with 3 days off when my daughter was a little older than OPs child. She's 21 months now and my parents WOULD NOT take her that long, nobody in our family would, ESPECIALLY at that age. That in my opinion is way too long.
Y’all, this poor kid should not be growing up like Hey, Arnold. You have a kid, you can’t expect for your life to remain the same. Yeah a wedding is a bit exaggerated, but he can’t expect to travel consistently.
@@imp6916 But he’s not traveling constantly lol? And why not travel every once and a while if they have the support to help them do it? Life should not stop after having a baby, they should enjoy themselves whenever they can, of course that all has limits but he’s not even close to reaching that limit.
Story 5 - NTA. While there are definitely people who want to give up a child when it comes to unplanned pregnancies (and I’m not going to claim there aren’t but I do think they’re less common than people who choose to keep an unplanned pregnancy or get an abortion), it’s super common for people to give up their child for adoption if they cannot afford to care for them. That was the situation in my adoption, I was one of three siblings and the youngest, so when I was born I was placed for adoption at an orphanage in the city my biological mom lived in. Without financial hardships, whose to say how many children would still be placed for adoption. The fact that OP’s family sought her out when she hadn’t even indicated she was looking to give her child up for adoption and they didn’t know her at all is major red flags. It also makes me wonder if they’ve purposefully forgone the traditional adoption process because they know there’s shit they’d get flagged as unsuitable for.
story 3: i immediately thought post partum depression. if you think you are a bad parent for leaving your baby temporarily, or think your partner is a terrible father for even him leaving the baby with the other parent, it is screaming 'something is wrong'. she likely doesn't see herself as an adult who still has a life, but as a mom and only a mom, and in her eyes neither of them can have a healthy balance of being a normal adult and being a parent. to me this wasn't screaming red flags on OP's end, more of a 'help me' alert. i think the husband should go to the wedding, the wife could go but i think mental health wise it could be more damaging (depending on when it is). i think OP needs to see a doctor/therapist asap and start getting the help she needs, maybe start taking one day a month where she leaves for a full 24 hours, then move to her and her husband going on a weekend trip, or just having the baby stay with the grandparents. but i feel bad for her and i hope she can get the help she needs and he doesn't get torn down in the process
Woke up this morning with my empty crock pot left on and an empty box next to it thank god I didn’t burn my house down ! I will always unplug my appliances now lol
For the short-king story: being a tall girl growing up, I get it.. now I feel super blessed to be my height but that took years and years of a lot of internal work. BUT it makes me sad that his insecurities are affecting how his daughter potentially sees herself. I hope he can continue to work through the internal work needed!
Yeah, and him saying that his wife is shorter than him and that he’s afraid of tall women is kind of hypocritical in my mind - he thought nobody would find him attractive because of his height, but he has such a disdain for women who are taller than him just because of their height. He definitely needs to work on this more, even if his daughter is never taller than him I’m sure other women around him are.
I’m 5’6 and I’m still insecure about being tall and haven’t fully accepted it yet but it doesn’t affect my every day life. I wish I could at least be 5’4 lol but I don’t beat myself up for being tall and it has gotten better over the years
For the assault/preg wife story: Don’t jump just to OP seeing a horrible therapist. It’s also possible that OP had unrealistic expectations of therapy, or that he simply wasn’t ready to take the inward journey. I’ve had to tell many clients that sometimes therapy feels worse before it feels better. Sometimes clients just aren’t ready for that. I’m just saying there are other reasons why therapy may make someone feel even lower.
But yes, it does seem like this is a trauma response for OP. Trauma changes the brain, so much so that sometimes the parts of our brain that control impulse and logic (prefrontal cortex) is changed. So it’s possible that OP is suffering from post traumatic stress,
Story 3: I think OP is definitely dealing with some kind of PPD or PPA It took me SO long to be able to leave my son with anyone especially overnight I had some pretty serious PPA OP definitely needs support and therapy to help her through this so she can live for herself again 🥺
I 100% agree but she's also 100% TA, threatening to take him to court for going to a wedding and saying she will tell the court he abandoned the child? it's beyond fucked up and hopefully she gets the help she needs before she ends her marriage in the process.
@@rosemarygutierrez6747 oh definitely TA! Wasn’t meaning to say she wasn’t but was just also saying I don’t think she is actually meaning to be she really needs some help
I think one thing to remember with the 4th story is that the wife was on the fence about having kids, she wasn’t sure and from what it says it seems like he convinced her because he wanted them so bad… the attack was a year ago, she’s 5 months pregnant, maybe it was an accident but even then, he convinced her to either keep it or try with him while he wasn’t attracted to her at all to the point of wanting to sleep with other people. That’s something as the wife I probably could never forgive, that even though he was completely doubting, he still convinced her to go through with a very important life experience that can be very traumatic
To the predatory adoptive parents, they were getting basically a free ticket to a coerced adoption when they clearly could pay for regular adoption, let alone this young mothers RENT and FOOD and maybe even recovery??
that tells me they never cared to actually help. they saw a young woman who was in a horrible situation and they exploited that for their own advantage
I can resonate with the listener that said they realized they were in an abusive relationship. I started listening after I was told that I was in an abusive relationship in therapy. I had a difficult time accepting it but when I have listened to episodes with abuse I realized my therapist was right. Your show helped me see what abuse is and that it was happening. I accepted it and have been working on healing, thank you ❤️
Story 2: Speaking as a fellow tall girl (26yrs; 5'10"), SCREW THIS DAD'S WAY OF THINKING. His daughter can't change her height or her dress code for the wedding. *He* can process his trauma. As of now it sounds like he's allowing his Napoleon complex and generational trauma to potentially damage his relationship with his daughter. If his behavior continues and he's not careful he could traumatize her. Growing up, I was told *by my father* that nobody would want to date me if I was taller or weigh more than them. This actually caused back issues from slouching and an eating disorder. Here I am years later, "vertically blessed", healthy, wearing my heels, and happily in love with my 5'10" boyfriend who is definitely a leg guy. 😎
I’m a birth mom, and this was so incredibly validating. No one wants to give their baby away- it came down to no money for me and I was manipulated into placing for adoption - I genuinely feel like I had my baby stolen from me.
Omg 😳 adoption story. The way they went about it was HUGE red flags. This girl was very much manipulated into adoption to begin with fuck the brother and wife. Op was a guardian angel to this sweet woman who's so blessed now and able to raise her child, this is absolutely such a wholesome outcome ❤️❤️❤️
If your husband is putting you down a lot by telling you you're a bad wife on a daily basis, that takes a toll on you. When you separate from a marriage not knowing if your ever going to get back together and somewhere along that time you end up meeting someone that treats you better and gives you the affection and attention you didn't have in your marriage, your going to give that person your all. So after experiencing happiness, she decides to give her husband another chance because she sees the change in him, and now he wants to throw it in her face. Hmmmm, girly, it's time for you to put your happiness first, before you have kids, and then he's a part of your life forever.
Heres my opinion for the story with the new mom. Her not wanting her husband to be gone. I do think she has post partum anxiety. I never knew it was a thing. Not until I had my son. Boy, oh boy, I found myself losing sleep and having a really hard time, especially once we transitioned him to his room. I would stand in his room for an hour and a half trying to convince myself he was ok and breathing fine. It was crippling. Eventually, I sought out help and was medicated. For me, the best decision I made. I could definitely see some similar behaviors she was doing to what I would do. I was depressed or irritable. I just always thought something was wrong or going to go wrong. Getting help was the best thing I ever did. I really hope she seeks help and doesn't go to hard on herself.
100% this! I had similar experiences after my son was born, but unfortunately my husband worked long hours and over nights so I was alone with no support system because we had moved to a new place. I unfortunately didn't seek help until I had a mental breakdown when my son was 10 months old and our home was broken into while i was alone with him which only confirmed my worst fears of things going wrong. I really hope she gets the help she needs so they all can live a normal happy life.
The anxiety that you would not be able to meet the baby's needs without the help and be seen as a bad mom is something I really struggled with after my 2nd was born, also, going to a country with vaccination requirements when the child you will be coming home to can't receive the same protection. Also, did OP's dad take off when the she was a newborn? She desperately needs MH intervention.
My boyfriend and I are headed out on a camping trip and he asked me to play the "2 hot girls" podcast. I believe he was subconsciously complimenting Morgan, Lauren, and Alejandra! (Justin too) lol! We both love this show!
Scarred Wife: I wonder how OP would feel if he was the one who ended up scarred and his wife would then would ask HIM for the hall pass. Also, it gave me the ick, that he pushed for having a baby when his wife didn't want to, and now he also finds her unattractive because of her being pregnant. If the scar brings up triggers for OP, he should of have had that conversation with his wife. He needs to open up to his wife and tell her how he has been feeling. Let her make her own choice if she wants to stay in this relationship or if she wants to work things out. It's completely unfair that OP is creating this lie that he is ok with how things are. Plus I highly doubt that his wife hasn't picked up on his new behaviors.
Therapist here! I also wonder what the therapist said to OP to make him feel so low. It could be a bad therapist or he wasn’t ready to face his feelings/action. Not all therapists are great at easing people into treatment, so I would suggest going to someone who will validate him and then challenge him. But he’s gotta be willing to do the work.
For the first one, I’d be worried OP’s husband relapsed, with the sudden change in behavior I know people who’ve struggled with addiction, and like said in the video they stir up drama or try to push others out of their life’s
Story #3 is definitely postpartum anxiety. I was diagnosed 2 weeks after I had my son. I thought the exact same thing, I never left my babies side and I really thought I should never be away from him because something might happen to him.
I *immediately* thought PPD… it was giving agoraphobia vibes… and projecting her self-criticism onto her partner… and while I agree the breaking of the game console is a frightening display of anger and violence, I also think it’s telling that he broke something of “his” like Justin said. He didn’t break something that’s typically seen as “hers” or the baby’s. That to me is more of an indicator that his anger is less directed at his spouse & baby… but he’s still willing to do damage or harm to himself, which still needs to be addressed…
I genuinely laughed out loud in the third story when she said that she would take him to court for abandoning the baby like is she ok? I just had a baby five weeks ago and I can’t wait to leave her with family so I can go on a date with my husband 😂
Story 2: the first thought I had was, “what will you do if your daughter wants to wear heels at her graduation? Or her wedding?” He needs to accept that this is a him problem and he needs to work on fixing himself, not controlling everyone else
Having been a teen mom the one story breaks my heart. Had I met someone like that I probably would have fallen into that trap. Op in that case was an angel, and although they're not going to make it easy for life they may have saved a mother from so much trauma dealing with such a couple afterwards.
I had my daughter at 17, I got pregnant at 16 and had her at 17. My dad tried to talk me into adoption knowing how hard it would be on me and my aunt worked with someone who was looking into adoption because she was have issues getting pregnant. I sat down with them at 6 months pregnant and just talked about it and they showed me everything they could give her and what her life would look like, and it was amazing they had a farm with horses a beautiful house and everything you would want. I really thought I would be able to do it because knowing her life would be so much better. After a 36 hour labor and pushing for 2 hours I just could not say goodbye and I told them I wasn’t doing it. (In Alabama you can not sign any papers for adoption until 3 days after birth giving the birth mom time to make that hard decision) the hospital and the adoptive parent called me names and bullied me trying to give up rights, but after seeing how everyone was acting I said no. I told me dad what was going on and how I felt and he stood beside me and handled everyone which is amazing ❤ I’ve struggled for many years but it was all worth it and I have a amazing almost 9 year old and a 3 year old and married to a great man. We struggle financially sometimes but it is really all worth it getting to wake up with my family 😊 anything you want is possible!
For the 3rd story about the baby. When I had my 1st, I had postpartum anxiety. It was so bad I would catastrophize daily. I couldn’t go to the store without thinking someone would take her. Cars scared me. I wouldn’t go anywhere without my husband. I wanted him home every moment he wasn’t working. I feared having a heart attack while husband was at work and my baby was home alone with no one to fulfill her needs. I had to say the same prayer every single night 3x before falling asleep. If I messed up the prayer I had to restart. I feared something would happen if I didn’t. I have anxiety anyways so I thought this was just my regular anxiety just in overdrive because now I was a mom. I had no idea postpartum anxiety was a thing. It wasn’t until she was a year and I calmed down a bit that I was like WOW, I think something was very wrong with me. I felt so bad for my husband. I never let him do anything or would freak out when a guys weekend was trying to be planned. Babe #2 is 2 my oldest is 5. Now my husband can come and go as he pleases. I still have guilt when I want a break and still haven’t had a night away because I’m still nursing. But it does get better. My heart goes out to her and their new little family. It’s hard
I didn’t have postpartum but literally no one told me about baby blues, which happens to so many new moms. I remember sitting in bed just sobbing and couldn’t even look at my son because I would have this incredible amount of shame thinking, why do I feel like I want to die after having such a perfect beautiful baby? I am married and have thought I don’t know what I would have done if he wasn’t there to help with the baby. I can’t imagine how single moms deal with these kinds of issues. Luckily it only lasted a couple weeks, but to this day that was the absolute worst mental health issue I have ever had in my entire life( and I have dealt with a lot of those throughout my days). Glad things have improved for you! One more thing I wanted to mention: if anyone reading this is currently dealing with either of these issues, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Getting assistance to help you through the process doesn’t mean you failed as a parent. Sometimes people need a hand, and that’s a far better solution than letting it get worse and worse until you snap. People want moms to succeed, the last thing they want is to take your baby away or for you to suffer in silence. ❤
The short guy story hit home w justin 😭 and Morgan trying to sympathize like the man didn’t just say “the only reason I can humanize my daughter is cause I watched her grow up” I feel like if that was said in any other context she would be like “wtf is wrong with this man” 😭
The adoption story brought me to tears. As a struggling single mom who is especially struggling right now, it is so so hard. I have worked my entire life since I was old enough and found myself in the position very unexpectedly due to my amazing boss falling ill and being replaced by a woman hating tyrant who fired me for refusing to pass off counterfeit money to customers and within 3 weeks of that my car broke down. I never saw myself in a position where I would struggle to provide for myself and my son, but here I am. The thought of having to give him up because of my financial circumstances is gut wrenching and heart breaking. I don't think I could go on with life. What that girl did to help that mother is amazing and world changing. There are other children out there that need a parent, there are other routes to take. Taking advantage of a struggling person convincing them to give up their child is not the route to go!
Story #1 as a daughter of an addict I 1000% agree that they will use any bad thing in their life as an excuse to relapse. Simply so they don’t have to take accountability & can blame their relapse on you.
The fact that he talks about how he's barely been able to humanize his own daughter. Disgusting. He needs to go back to therapy before he traumatizes his child.
As someone who has gone through postpartum depression, anxiety and psychosis… story three I’d bet has a heavy, heavy mental health element. I remember secretly so badly wanting to leave my child but never feeling able to because it would mean I was a horrible, horrible parent. Just wishing to have time to myself meant I was a horrible parent.
I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING...this man coerced his wife into having a baby and THATS were all this stuff started!!! He was already half out the door with her being 5 months pregnant.... And then it was made worse with her being a bad ass woman and protecting him! So yeah... maybe he has trauma but that doesn't NOT make him a P O S!!!!!!!!!
The last story of the brother who hates his sister for marrying the best friend. Honestly sounds like he also fell in Love with him n now is bitter cause he can't have him Edit: omg yes justin is right lol he's in love with him
Story 3- Travel with the kid! At least try! My niece and nephew pretty much had passports before they were born because my brother and his wife traveled so much. She has family overseas, he goes to concerts in Japan and Germany, the kids are well traveled, and the youngest isn't even 2 yet. You don't HAVE to leave them with a babysitter. It might suck to have a kid with you, but if you don't try, you won't know.
This might be a European thing but my parents were traveling with me when I was 2 months old. Then, when I was about a year old after half of one trip my mum dropped me off at my grandparents', left my brother with my dad and did another few weeks of travelling with her bestie alone. Later, my dad picked me up at grandparents' and took me and my brother back home. Everyone needs a break from their children every once in a while. And when the kids are older, they'll also appreciate their time off from their parents. It's healthy for the relationship. If my parents hadn't dropped me off frequently at my grandparents' (when I was 6 they just took me to the airport and my grandparents picked me up from the airport) I would've never been this close to them. So I'd say do both. Travel with them and also occasionally travel without them.
For the baby hostage post... She got pregnant during the pandemic, scary! Had the baby during or right after the pandemic, scary! The world turned upside-down and she had a baby in the middle of it. I'm a mom of 4 boys, I can relate to feeling one way while pregnant, bc that baby is safe inside me and then feeling another way bc the baby is exposed to the scary world. This is absolutely postpartum and she absolutely needs support and help. Extreme feelings aren't normal no matter what but I can easily see how her extreme feelings came to be. I hope she gets the help she needs and that her husband gets out of his own emotions and pays closer attention to his wife.
@@piercejones4355 that might be true, but sadly when you're experiencing PPD you aren't thinking or behaving rationally. She's wrong for trying to stop him ever leaving, but she's obviously not doing it just to be mean or out of jealousy, she needs psychiatric intervention and support. I'm sure once she gets that she will look back and realise she wasn't being fair to her partner. But if my partner started behaving the way she did I wouldn't be so quick to anger, alarm bells would be going off that they aren't behaving normally and that at the very least they are maybe extremely overwhelmed, if not experiencing mental illness.
Story 3, I think the vote should be ESH (except the baby). The dad needs to check in with his wife and find out why she’s having these feelings about him leaving even for a short period. Morgan is probably on it with the suspicion of PPD/PPA. It’s also her first baby, and the fear of either parent being away from that baby is probably huge - I don’t know I don’t have a kid. The husband responding with anger and breaking things? I agree with Justin, huge red flags! Red flags everywhere. They should be able to communicate and find common ground.
But she's also being very controlling. and we don't know if it's a completely normal part of her personality that's been there the whole time. So we also don't know how lonbg and often he's had to deal with her doing this. Which means we don't know how reasonable his breakdown was. If it happened because of 1 conversation, then yeah, massive red flag. But if she's been controlling him like that for years? Tiptoeing around an abuser is exhausting. She accused him of abandoning his child because he wants to go to a friend's wedding.
I also feel like the husband leaving to go to a foreign country for an extended period of time is messed up because of all the foreign bacteria and diseases he could run in to and then bring home to a baby 😅 that’s where it hits wrong for me
I *immediately* thought PPD or PPA… it was giving agoraphobia vibes… and projecting her self-criticism onto her partner… and while I agree the breaking of the game console is a frightening display of anger and violence, I also think it’s telling that he broke something of “his” like Justin said. He didn’t break something that’s typically seen as “hers” or the baby’s. That to me is more of an indicator that his anger is less directed at his spouse & baby… but he’s still willing to do damage or harm to himself, which still needs to be addressed… And if he does travel and come back, it’s fair (in a post-pandemic world) that he should quarantine away from his spouse and baby to make sure he doesn’t transfer any kind of bacteria, viruses or sickness to them especially when it’s possible he’s asymptomatic and not showing any outward signs of illness.
With the postpartum story. I experienced not wanting to be away from my child especially in the first 3 weeks. I couldn’t even sleep when she was sleeping. SIDS was so scary to me. I didn’t know I was dealing with postpartum depression until I found your pod about 8 months ago and did research. Preach ppd awareness more in doctors offices. And mine did but not the version I was dealing with. It was mostly just regular depression symptoms. I hope she gets the therapy she needs. I know after therapy I love my child even more and can be away with no more anxiety or intrusive thoughts.
Story 6: Age gaps are sketchy when the couple met since childhood or started dating with the youngest still being super young/in another life stage Him and her brother were "friends since babies" so he knew her since she was born? Celebrated her 10th birthday being 16? And started dating her when she was 20? I get why Reddit found it weird...
Yeah, that high school grad pic was taken when he was 18 and she was 13. I’d be kinda creeped out if I were the brother too. My first instinct when hearing it was to think of the age gap, I didn’t even put together any other reason he might be upset (especially because of what he said when seeing the photo album). At the same time though, it’s been 8 years, I don’t think this is worth cutting his sister and nieces off for. And if his only issue is with the age gap, he shouldn’t even be mad at his sister in the first place, just the best friend
yesssss thank you that’s the first thing i thought. it’s super weird knowing that he knew her when she was a toddler, and she was in middle school when he graduated highschool. it would be a little different if they’d met when they were both adults, but the fact he’s known her for her entire life feels really gross to me
@@macalab.3539that’s what I’m thinking too. Not all siblings have the same sorta dynamics and sometimes they just don’t get along, but I know for a fact that if my older brother suspected my husband had had some sort of ulterior motives for dating me, he would not have gotten mad at me about it for a second. My older brother would be doing everything he could to PROTECT me, not lash out at me. Also this might be a hot take but a 5 year age gap isn’t really all *that* weird, especially considering they didn’t start dating until they were both in their 20s. If they’d been dating as kids it might be weird, but it’s not a grooming situation because the best friend doesn’t have a power dynamic over the OP that he could exploit. Also he had multiple other girlfriends, all of whom the brother hated. I really do think the brother might’ve been gay and just couldn’t move on.
Story 4: She’s a STRONG, BRAVE woman. And a strong brave woman can sometimes be intimidating to men with fragile egos. So happy she’s okay and made a full recovery. What a badass! 💪🏽 She would have been a millions times more attractive to me after risking her LIFE for little ol’ ME. Like wow dude. That woman truly LOVES you and, hypothetically, took a bullet for you. Be a man, get some help, toughen up, and love your selfless wife right bc she DESERVES it!!
My thing with the father with height trauma is he's taking the the abuse that was given to him by his male family out on women who has done nothing to him simply because they are taller than him
One night my husband smelled a weird smell from our room. I have a poor sense of smell so I wouldn’t have even noticed. He said it smelled like something was burning. He went downstairs and the air fryer and completely turned itself on and was cooking!! And this is one of those that you’d have to press several buttons to get it to start. I’m convinced there was a surge or something that made it turn itself on. I always keep it unplugged now!
Story 1: I am a therapist and this story reminds me of something I see a lot in my practice. Although it isn’t exactly the same, i believe the insecurities are similar. At this point, I have seen/heard it so much it feels like a trope: where a heterosexual couple decides to try an open-relationship/polyamory at the insistence of the male partner. but then he regrets it because usually the female partner gets more dates than the guy does and he starts feeling insecure af. Of course she’s going to meet other people while you guys are separated! Most women choose to be faithful to their partners even when they have ample opportunities to sleep with other people. As soon as that relationship is over, they can often quite easily find new people to be with. It is naïve to assume otherwise and it is inappropriate and immature to use that against her. Especially after they separated due to the hub’s lies about drug use and the way he treated her at the time. He doesn’t have to like it, but he does have to accept it if they are going to have any chance of making things work. Otherwise what often happens is the guy will actually cheat and try to justify it and say the wife doesn’t have a right to be upset because now they are “even.”
Story 2: hurt people hurt people. But just because your brothers/father shamed and bullied you for your height, doesn’t mean you can control your daughter’s behavior and make her feel ashamed for being taller. This is a (unintentional) continuation of the abuse. Keep healing, OP! You got this!
RE height/heels trigger: I have/had a phobia of marijuana for 10 years, and though I can talk myself through it logistically in my head, when I’m triggered it’s like my body’s panicked reaction is out of my control. Though I feel it’s valid to ask family and friends to be patient with you and avoid triggers for a while, it’s just not a fair long term solution to set that expectation on everyone else forever. I had help from my therapist to do exposure therapy with a trusted friend and over time it has almost completely helped. It’s hard but it was so worth it for my comfort and my relationships! Love the pod y’all, you guys are the best🥰
on the first story, it is 100% so important when it comes to 'breaks' and breakups, to make it clear what the boundaries are. Like you might ask your long time partner that you've just broken up with for good, "hey, i know you're really close with my family, but if you could refrain from talking to them for a little while as we get comfortable being separate that would be really appreciated". boundaries. in the same way, if you're on a 'break', people have different definitions. if you think you and the other person need to refrain from dating and casual sex during your break, because you intend to get back together, that needs to be said. When me and my current partner went on a break a few years ago, I raised this with him and he agreed that we would both behave as if we were still not single, and we wouldn't tell anyone who didn't need to know. this was particularly important BECAUSE our break was caused by a confusion around boundaries, monogamy etc.
The plant being on fire was the most on brand start to an episode. I rewatched it so many times just to catch yalls reactions. So much to be analyzed in such a situation. Morgan’s voice and face and awareness. Justins instant responses & actions. Green flags and hilarity all around. Love yall & the pod!!!
What really disgusts me the most about story #4 is that he has been feeling this way for almost a year and his wife is 5 MONTHS PREGNANT!! Not only did he convince her to have a child when she wasn’t sure he decided it was a good idea to hit it raw when he was 1. not even attracted to her and 2. falling out of love with her because of his own fragile masculinity. What rational person intentionally brings a poor child into that situation ):
If someone you love, and loves you back takes a rock to the face for you and you find them less attractive physically and/or emotionally.... WTAF is wrong with you?!
My Pisces queen is on the nose! Yes Morgan with the Korean husband and wife that experienced that racist interaction I totally agree. That scar most definitely represents his failure to be the protected in that situation. Makes total sense especially given the fact that he doesn’t want to bring her around his friends or parents because if he does then the story will be brought up again, ultimately reminding him of his failure. He’s embarrassed. He definitely needs to find a therapist that will understand this and work through this trauma with him.
When i was little me and my brother decided to cook steaks for dinner. While we were cooking the steak, the meat juice+ hot oil + the stove flame caused a violent reaction and almost set the kitchen on fire!! We freaked out and screamed, but still manage to put down the flames with a lid. The extractor hood was half burnt, but at least we and the house were safe lol.
