Is Montessori Right for My Strong-Willed Child? 

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Hey Where can I learn more about high needs babies. My toddler is 15 months old. She is insanely sensitive and emotional. Never lets me brush her teeth or just simply put clothes on her. One small change ends up her being on the floor crying hysterically. I need help a lot of help. I studied gentle parenting and we are doing montesorri as much as we can. Please help

​@@aniovakimyan3258 I know of resources that may help, do you still need it?

I’m 33 and the only child I have right now is my inner child lol but yet, just as you, I watch every video. I could not have put into words, as beautifully as you have, exactly my experience finding this channel. ☺️

yes! ❤

Next Q&A is on the 9th ;)

Hi there, my advice lower your expectations on the academic and practical life things for now. It sounds to me like your son might be reacting to you being disappointed by him not performing. Try instead to focus on respecting him and applying positive discipline, reading books together for bonding, make discussions, go out a looooot and try to involve him in a more natural way to what's going on in your day and your life without too much planning. You put too much pressure to yourself to stage things and all that pressure turns into expectations that burden your child and your relationship. At least that was the case with my now 4 year old girl. Me and my husband have very strong academic backgrounds and I have an inclination to over organize and over control things. So I preferred to stay home researching Montessori for hours and ordering Montessori materials and staging the house instead of focusing on the things that really matter. We often wonder if Montessori is right for a child but maybe it's not right for specific types of parents. I know believe that the academic part of Montessori is better meant for schools because it's too much effort for a parent.

I know, it's super unfortunate that there isn't more control over schools being able to use the Montessori name. :/

I think with Montessori families specifically, we are also more respectful of our child in what we post...so while we may discuss how our kids went through periods of avoiding work or battling a task, we won't show it. But that certainly doesn't leave as strong of an impression as seeing them for who they are

I used to work at a public Montessori where we accept all children. We toured a few Montessori schools during our pd Days, and I was very disheartened by the experience. None of the schools catered to sped kids. the 'best' Montessori school in my city actually told us they recommend special needs kids go somewhere else. They also told us that if a child couldn't conform to expectations they kick them out. I was appalled.

@@JonathanCacy yes, I've heard versions of this story ever since this happened to us. It seems like a lot of these "Montessori" schools have such picture-perfect, calm kids because they only accept kids who are naturally predisposed to that temperament and they kick out the rest.

This is so disheartening to hear. At our school, we have the inverse experience-families come after being kicked out of traditional schools looking for a place where their child can be accepted for who they are, and they thrive in the Montessori environment. Granted, it's an authentic Montessori school. And a child unable to sleep like yours would be offered quiet activities or join the teacher in special tasks if they'd like - not sent unsupervised into the hall 😬 We were often left scratching our heads trying to figure out what exactly could've happened in the other school to cause these kids who are working so wonderfully here to be kicked out from a traditional environment

My son just turned one and we get the love every boxes. He will do the intended use of the toy once or twice then never use it that way again. He does a lot of pretty creative things with the various balls and rods and containers etc that came with the kit but not what was intended. I'm probably going to stop getting the boxes and focus on open ended toys. I'm curious how your child changed over the past two years.

She actually has a video on this!

You mean, like this one?! 😋 ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-_BreeVKxi4Y.html

The mixed age environment provides for A LOT of social interactions, actually! Children can choose and do their work independently, but they can also ask another for help, work on something together, watch another child, ask questions, set up snack and eat together, read together, etc. There's actually a lot of collaboration in the Montessori environment! And that's just during the work cycle. Children are constantly collaborating, playing, and helping each other as they get ready to go outside, transition to lunch, and of course, during their actual outside time too. Montessori differs in that it allows for MORE collaboration, not less 🥰 Rather than sitting in their own spots or only working together when the teacher says it's time to do so, kids are always welcome to engage in collaboration-at any age!

@@MariaandMontessori Thank you for your reply. I hear what you're saying, I suppose my concern stems from my child's personality. While the environment may 'provide for' a lot of interaction, it's ultimately up to the child, right? So if my kiddo opts out of interaction most of the time, won't she miss out, especially in contrast to other environments where collaboration is 'baked in' or expected (waldorf, reggio, etc.)?

@@cdubsgates I can't speak to Waldorf or Reggio differences too much, but my daughter was set to attend a Reggio school pre-pandemic (no quality toddler Montessori schools in our area) and what we learned from the school and saw was not different from what I saw in my own experience in Montessori in terms of social interaction. For what it's worth, my brother was incredibly reserved heading into the Montessori environment as well-he really opened up and turned out he's a natural leader 💁‍♀️ Between all 3 methods, they do still value the child's individuality and allowing the child to determine their pace so I'm not sure how the social aspect is more emphasized in Waldorf or Reggio specifically. But in Montessori, the community of the class is a very strong part of the environment, so the role of the guide is to ensure that. Say a child is new to the class-rather than the teacher showing the child around, they'll often ask an older child to do so. Or, for a particularly shy friend, they may do it together-the teacher, an older child, and the new student. When a child asks for help, often the answer is "where can we find thag answer?" or a nudge to ask a child that the guide is confident knows the answer. The teachers help the kids learn to interact with each other and seek answers among themselves (when is appropriate, of course). On the flip side of that though, of course if the child is overwhelmed and simply wants some alone time, that will be respected and we will try again later. There's also the group line time, when kids gather together to talk about their day or discuss a topic ...and the teacher does encourage the quieter ones to partake when they notice a trend of staying out of this interaction. Lunch is also community style, so the kids sit together at tables that they've set together, and can engage in conversation there too. The emphasis in grace and courtesy also means that the older or more "experienced" students very often notice that a child is new or more reserved and make that effort to approach him or her to make them feel welcomed. And not to say Reggio or Waldorf don't do these things, I'm just saying they're not any less in the Montessori environment either. I would more so focus on how it is presented in the particular schools that are near you, since in theory they may be similar, but as it plays out will heavily depend on the teachers!

@@MariaandMontessori Thank you for your thorough reply!

Things you could implement at home: - trying to avoid electronic toys, allowing the child access to passive toys they can use in a range of ways like building blocks, soft toy animals, dolls, pieces of fabric - having toys made from a range of materials including fabric and wood, not having everything be plastic - having low shelving with a small number of toys that the child can access freely, so they have some choice without being overhwelmed by too much choice - (I know this might not be possible with some disabilities, but if possible) having an area of the home which is a "yes space" where the child won't have access to anything they could accidentally hurt themselves with, so that they can do whatever they want in that area without you needing to interrupt them to keep them safe - allowing the child time to play without you directing them to a particular activity - trying to avoid interrupting the child if they appear to be concentrating - (this may not be applicable to all children with special needs, but if applicable) when the child needs help, trying to follow the principle of providing the minimal amount of help that is sufficient. this channel has videos about that if you don't know what I mean. You might find the advice for teaching practical life and care of self skills to very young children helpful, or you might want to avoid using monetsori for those areas if your child is already getting occupational therapy for those areas. One of the ideas in montesori is that children will naturally want to play in a way that will help them develop whatever area they are currently ready to develop. This will be different for every child, but there are some general timelines most children roughly follow. The principle of your child wanting to play in a way that is benificial for them might still apply even though your child's develoopmental timeline is naturally happening slower and maybe in a different order than most children. The therapy for children with developmental delays is in some ways the opposite of Montesori because it's about helping children to develop skills faster than they would without therapy, or to develop skills they might not develop at all without therapy. Working on something you're not naturally ready to develop right now is much less fun than play you feel naturally drawn to, so children in developmental therapy need rewards and praise to motivate them. I had developmental therapy for some specific things when I was a child. Without it I wouldn't have learned to read, and I'm very glad my parents took me to that therapy and did the practice with me at home even though at the time it was hard and I didn't like it. You might have been given some activities to do with your child at home, but they shouldn't have timetabled in your whole time with your child. Therapy is tiring. When your child is able to be at home and not doing therapy, try to give them time to rest and/or play as they choose to in a "yes space", and do whatever they feel naturally drawn to. The areas they do naturally feel drawn to develop might benifit them a lot when they're older, don't crush that. If they want to do the same activity over and over, let them. One piece of montesori philosophy you can keep is that if the child wants to work on an activity, it is probably something they need for their development. If the child is getting a lot of praise from their therapists, you should also praise them at home. Let them know that you love them. Getting lots of praise from therapists and no praise from parents is likely to be confusing. Lots of praise in therapy will mean they won't have the self-directing benifit of not having praise, but they do need praise in therapy. You praising them too won't hurt them, they will need it. Just try not to interrupt them with praise if they are concentrating, wait until they have stopped an activity to praise them for what they have achieved. Try to praise effort and kindness rather than "you're clever" "you're tallented". When they are older they will want to do the things their parents praised them for. Being "clever" and "tallented" are things they might later believe they have failed to be, and can't choose to become. If you praise them for trying their best and being kind, those are things they can choose to do for their whole lives, which will give them self esteem even if other people are judgemental of them.

hmm, just my two cents here for the situation you describe: if you yourself were in the middle of a breakdown and crying g, would you tolerate someone trying to clean you up during that? perhaps wait until she has calmed down, and then clean her nose? (if she she does not like it being sucked, try using a tissue, my son accepted that much better). she won't suffocate from a clogged nose...

I would always check with your child's pediatrician whenever you have concerns about your child's development. ;)

No homework in authentic Montessori schools

It sounds like your son has definite leadership qualities! :)

@@HapaFamily He is growing in a Montessoriano environment at home, at school teachers are starting to learn Montessori Perspective. He is the leadership at home..He is so strong, confident, he knows what are his limits, what to do and when to do it, he he is only 3 years old. We leave him free to experiment. I lost any hopes to show him activities in which he has to concentrate. He decides when it is the moments, when it is he can stay hours..that's why I lost any hopes. He has to decide. He knows where they are. I cannot let involve him in activities I have in mind, if he doesn't want.

Sounds like an absolutely normal infant. Don't forget that the main premise of Montessori is "Follow The Child", which means follow your individual child's unique interests and pace of development, not the activities or shelf work others his age are doing. If he is not showing an interest in what is presented, even if it may be developmentally appropriate, it may not be in line with what he is trying to work on right now. Remember that the Montessori work cycle and materials were originally developed for ages 3-6, the age when we do start guiding kids to specific areas if they avoid them to ensure they're receiving a well rounded education. For infants and toddlers, especially in that first year of life, their main job is to understand how their body works and explore the world with their senses. They need to learn to roll, sit, crawl, walk, grasp, hold, move their arms to their mouth, point, wave, follow directions...all of this can be accomplished without a single shelf work. Ashley highlights this a lot on her channel but it's worth mentioning again-Montessori, especially in the home, is NOT about the materials. It sounds like your little one is interested in gross motor movement and understanding how his big muscles work. Which is absolutely developmentally on par for the age when they're starting to crawl and walk. Between 10 and 12 months, my previously shelf work obsessed daughter wouldn't approach her materials with a 10 ft pole. Sure there were ways I found to explore a material here and there, but she was very intent on perfecting the crawl, Pull to stand, and then the walk. With that, came an interest in practical life work. If your boy is climbing on everything, then present an environment that lets him explore that in all types of ways. You can still sprinkle things like language exposure in here-climb UP, crawl DOWN. Or placing animals out of reach that he needs to climb up to get, and calling out the animals for him. Or cars. Or fruits. Whatever he's interested in. And remember that focus and attention, in typically developing kids, is also a learned skill. And one of the best ways we can help our kids practice that is to not interrupt them from their work. Even if it's not the work you prepared-if he is safe but focused on something, let him figure that out and practice his concentration too. Short bursts of work (and I mean VERY short) are absolutely developmentally appropriate at such a young age. The longest I remember my girl focusing at that age was somewhere between 5-10 minutes on an open and close tray. Because every morning when I was getting ready, she was trying to open all my skin care bottles. So a tray of the mini versions of those (emptied and cleaned) was exactly what she was craving and that kept her attention for a whole 10 minutes or so. Even in the 3-6 class, the kids aren't sitting in one spot, intently working for all 3 hours. They move from work to work, mixing in snack time, art, reading, practical life, and helping out a friend throughout that whole cycle.