"It's Only Hugging" | Boundaries In Christian Dating 

Wow, what a way to think about lust - that everything else we are to resist, but lust we are to flee from! Great way of putting it! Y'all have given this hugger a lot to think about 🤔

"She wanted to hug me and we had to work through that." -Paul

Hugging isn't a sexual act unless you choose to make it one. First and foremost it is an act of comfort, appreciation etc. Nothing wrong with hugging from the get go. I am also a Christian.

I think hugging is fine but if it makes you feel turned on or something, then it’s fine to stay away from it... but that’s personal to just you and your partner.

Hugging is not sexual. Human beings were created to show and receive affection. Hugging is one of the most innocent ways to do so.

Cody Ko needs to watch this XD

The horns behind your girl , so funny

This is too far. Should we avoid prolonged eye contact too?

So I’m supposed to get married to someone I’ve never hugged before ? What? Y’all need to chill on hyper-sexualizing everything cause you fear sexual expression is a bad thing even in something as simple as a hug.

I feel bad for their future kids when they start dating

In all due respect, if a person is having problems not touching someone’s butt during a hug on a third date, that seems more of a self control issue on their part. 😅

not every physical act leads to sex or lustful thoughts

Wow. NO. Stop.

Okay, I'm all for boundaries in Christian dating, but this is a little extreme. Hugging doesn't have to be sexual, in fact, I hug my male and female friends all the time and this has never been an issue. Hugging is just a simple way to express love between friends or otherwise. I appreciate the desire to honor God in all that we do, but I think sometimes we as Christians tend to overthink it, and when we overthink things, we are not living in freedom. If this is your personal conviction, I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with following that, but not everyone has been led in this way.

Hugging can be very dangerous if you have feelings for someone. I know just hugging has sent my mind down temptation road. Love your mindset!

This is beyond creepy, yikes. Paul must have some control problems if hugging makes him horny, because that thought literally never EVER crosses my mind when I hug women (which I am in to) or men (which I am also in to).

im sorry but if hugging is enough to make you wanna bone someone, you already wanted to do it. You’ve already kind of sinned or whatever

I can completely understand waiting until marriage for sex, but an important part of a relationship are simple things like hugging/kissing/holding hands. I just couldn’t do that.

Does everything have to be a dirty sin? How sad.

you guys really have encouraged me and my boyfriend to open up a conversation of setting boundaries...thank you for the video :)

I strongly disagree with your approach. Touch is a vital part of every relationship. Of course sex should be avoided till marriage. However, not kissing, nor even hugging is too far. Touch is a vital part of any type of relationship friends, family, and boy/girlfriend relationships. Your attempts of avoiding hugging and kissing before marriage seems to be more through out of the fear of having premarital sex, rather that sustaining a healthy relationship. However, thank you for your videos. They have been really helpful. Have a nice day.

I'm from Italy and I'm Catholic. If you brought this mentality here you wouldn't stand a chance like, hugging and kissing cheeks is the first thing you do when you meet someone. ANYONE. And I remind you I literally live in the country where the freaking Pope lives! (Ok he actually lives in the Vatican city but you get my point). Not even us are THAT extreme in relationships, I'm so surprised every time I see these kind of Christian lifestyle videos that are always from Americans, like how did it turn out like this? I know I'm no one to judge you and I won't, I'm just so really curious about why Americans took Christianity to such a strict mentality and how they're okay with it, not even hugging people? I really don't understand. But most of all, why was this in my recommendations?!

...... ... .... I'm a Christian but I can't even begin to comprehend this. This blows my mind. No hugging? You have GOT to be kidding me.

I don't think not hugging is possible. I have never met anyone that thinks like this. Let me explain. If you have a friend, a male one, and you are a girl, should you also not be hugging him? IT WEIRD AND KIND OF SAD. because its a friend, you don't see him sexualy.... but if u do hug a friend and not a boyfriend it is horrible. Doesnt make sense... So if a friend wants to hug you you just back away? I do understand hugging can give u sexual toughts but it can also give u a feeling of protection and peace.

Morgan has horns at 6:49....... Anyway! Thanks for the perspective!

Hugging is good. Premarital sex is awesome.

I have so many guy friends that I hug everyday! Hugging isn't sexual, it's so casual and doesn't have to be taken in a sexual way. It's not 'pressing up' or 'feeling' or 'leading to anything' or view it that way. If you see everything as leading to sex then it just gets ridiculously extreme and soon youll be saying it's wrong to put your arms around each other and hold hands because it leads to 'physical attraction' and 'lust' like no it doesn't. I really understand where you're coming from and think there is wisdom behind your opinion and views on Christian dating but I know Christians who saw absolutely nothing wrong in hugging, holding hands and kissing before marriage but still stayed pure and saved sex for marriage. My thoughts are: the bible doesn't say anything wrong with kissing, hugging, holding hands etc. before marriage so there's nothing wrong with it and they shouldn't be viewed as a sexual things, they should be harmless, cute and romantic ❤

this is just sad. I've known many Christian couples who have huge sexual dysfunction in their marriages because they spent a lifetime living in this bizarre moral fabric of made up rules. The Bible never called this a sin. in the words of Christ "you strain a gnat only to swallow a camel"

If you are hugging and the issue is that your breasts are pressed against the guy, then the guy has an issue, not the hug. As humans, we are made for relationship and vulnerable experiences with EVERYONE we love. Not just our spouse. Physical contact is not just a tease into sexual temptation, and if you think this you are deluded. Jesus touched people in vulnerable and culturally inappropriate ways, for instance washing the feet of his closest friends, yet we don't say that was wrong of him. Vulnerable and intimate moments, including hugging, are there to be spent on those we care about, and in my opinion we need to stop idolising marriage as the only place where intimate and vulnerable moments are 'allowed' to occur.

They're not talking about simple hugging... they are talking about a couple who has feelings for each other, hugging.

My mom always said holding hands leads to hugging, hugging leads to kissing, and kissing leads to sex. I literally use to laugh in her face cuz that sounded so ridiculous! But being a christian and not dating for months or years, touching in any matter, can be sooooo vital in staying pure. Physical touch is my first love language. We have to know ourselves and be honest about it to honor Jesus in our process🙌🏼

How the heck did I find this video? I do not understand this way of thinking.

My personal feeling on hugging is that if the 2 are mutually comfortable with hugging then it's okay as long as you don't go past that. Know your limitations and address any concerns from the get go. Loved this video by the way!.. Look forward to the next one.

This is fanaticism...sorry...it’s just not realistic. I’m of Catholic background and what u are teaching is just...weird.

Do I think you're crazy for talking about hugging? Yes I do. There's nothing wrong with personal boundaries, but this vid is another piece of evidence that Christianity poisons normal minds.

All you huggers out there please continue to hug. Please. I respect religions of all kinds, but to deny such basic aspects of humanity like this is intensely sad to see. To see people's relationships so neutered and sterilized of any kind of human contact is just heart breaking. A simple hug carries so much good. It shows the other person how much you care for them, it's a symbol of trust, and its an important way of bonding with someone. It's also the beginning of the normal healthy process of establishing with your partner where your physical boundaries lie, or even just whether you do actually enjoy physical contact with them. Yes, newsflash, that's fine. You need to know if you actually feel physically comfortable with someone to some degree. You ARE considering marriage eventually. In the normal progression of a relationship, you use these sorts of interactions to figure each other out, and figure out in what respect you enjoy this person's company. I cannot imagine what it must be like to try to embark on a lifelong commitment with someone you haven't even held close. You'll have to figure out everything from scratch with someone who's previously been physically distant from you, and now you're suddenly expecting yourself to be in an intensely intimate lifelong relationship with them. That's a hell of a lot of pressure. Relationships can and do crack under less. What if you properly hold or kiss each other for the first time, and uh-oh. You're best buddies with each other for sure, but you just aren't physically into this person. I mean marriages and partnerships in general don't need to be sexual of course, but what if you do have a deep need to be sexually expressive. Just not to the person that you've married. What then. What if you were just close buddies, and the fact you've been conditioned so strongly to push sexual desire so far away has left you in a situation where you haven't even realized that you actually aren't attracted to them. I mean this sort of attitude actively rewards you for suppressing your attraction. You could end up in a dangerous trap wherein you actively feel good about yourself for not having these urges towards a person you like, and then on the wedding night those urges don't magically appear and oh no, you're stuck in an impossible situation where you care about someone as a friend, but there's just no chemistry between you. I'm not advocating for necessarily needing to go all the way during dating, just generally for a healthy relationship to develop you've got to allow for some healthy physical interaction. I mean I can't believe I even need to say this. If you're planning to eventually be intimate with someone, you need to allow for that chemistry to naturally build. So, please. Don't feel guilty about a hug or a peck on the cheek, or goodness, even the lips! It's fine, it's normal, if you feel attraction for them GOOD. That's what you're aiming for right? And yes this also means that you can still have boundaries. A hug or a peck doesn't need to turn in to the whole shebang. To be honest, if you can't control how far a hug or a kiss goes then that in itself isn't healthy. It suggests that you're physically starving yourself and crave any contact AT ALL. Which in itself can lead to bad places and situations. So for the health of yourself and your relationship, enjoy a little physical contact. It will make you more aware of your needs, lead to a healthier long term relationship with your partner, and will actually enable you to be more able to set and follow boundaries, rather then leaving you afraid of yourself and your partner being together. A physically comfortable relationship is a healthy one. So give your loved one a hug.

y’all are crazy

I mean it's important to set boundaries and know where you easily fall to temptation, but good gosh this video is whack. Since when has hugging been a "lead to a sexual thing"....like wearing shorts that are above the knee can "lead to sexual things". Being attractive can "lead to sexual things". The dangers of cuddling on the couch late at night would be a more reasonable video than spending a whole video about the 'dangers' of hugging.

boundaries in christian dating is definitely a topic that needs to be talked about more for sure. thanks for starting the conversation, keen to see where the discussion goes.

Right but the sugar family is too strict and too conservative and weird oh ya and lets not forget cultish for their stances on side hugs and no kissing before the wedding!

don't know where to start criticizing this video...

"It could lead to other things!" So could eating ice cream and going to bowling alleys. Y'all are legalistic. Yes, some people need tighter boundaries than others, that's the way people work, we all experience slightly different temptations. But you are presenting this as a rule that everyone needs to follow lest they all have premarital sex. That is simply not true.

If you think hug leads to other things then that's your problem. You take everything too extreme and that puts people off.

Personally I think that acting like hugging is a boundary is a little bit ridiculous. It’s only “sexual” or “opening a door/crossing a line” if you make it that way. I think more Christian kids need to be taught that thinking about sex is actually not a bad thing. Your brain was wired that way for a reason and if you really are convicted in and committed to saving it for marriage then it can still be hard, but you can control yourself. I don’t understand people who act like the moment they think of something remotely sexual, they cant control themselves and they’re just gonna start having sex in one second. There’s nothing wrong with boundaries but if you’re old enough to date then grow up and have some self control

Nobody’s going to talk about how Morgan has a horn on her head the hole time

I'm a Christian and believe what they are saying is very harmful. You are making people feel like they are sinning for hugging or kissing their partner before marriage. Yes, sexual acts before marriage are a sin. Hugging and kissing are NOT that. This may be YOUR opinion, but this is NOT a black and white issue. You are creating a culture of shame. Use discernment absolutely, but there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Yes, flee from sin. But don't live in a legalistic bubble that puts yourselves and YOUR concept of purity on a pedestal.

I grew up in Christian culture. I went to a Christian university. I think it’s so whack that it’sconsidered sinful and bad to have sexual feelings and desires towards someone you are in love with or dating. It’s not only a part of being human, it is what defines a romantic relationship. Feeling strong feelings for someone is NORMAL. This thinking explains why at my school so many 19 and 20 year olds felt like they needed to get married right away in order to feel healthy about their sexuality and their desires. Y’all need to CHILL

Is this real? Like, I’m finding it hard to know whether it’s a joke or not.

..... I’m calling the police

"Physical intimacy should be way later down the line." I'm physically intimate - by which I mean, hugging, cuddling, hair kisses, hand holding, napping - with all my close friends. It's one of the earliest things to come in my friendship because I'm very tactile (obviously not if the friend doesn't want it but most of my friends are also really tactile). And I would not date anyone I didn't already know first as a friend? So this makes no sense to me... I know my friendships are closer than a lot of other people's seem to be and some people find that weird but it's so wholesome and nice to just be able to be as close as a sibling to my friends.

Morgan is GORGEOUS without makeup!!😍💗💗

It hurt how much this made me cringe

Am I the only one in this comments section that thought this video was wildly crazy? If as a man, you really cant hug a woman without having a sexual thought about her, then that is kind of immature and sad. Ideas like this just serve to further the objectification of women in the current culture we live in by denying them the right to be seen as a person, rather than a sex object. You don't see a male equivalent of this in culture.The only reason you two didn't hug was because Paul couldn't stop thinking about sex for a 5 second hug. This is also why the christian community has to start to be more accepting and open to discussing sex and sex as simply a part of life rather than the huge ordeal that they make it out to be, so that Christians who deny themselves sex before marriage don't obsess over it constantly.

hugs are not sexual it’s sad that they’re trying to make it that way

I won’t look at a man until I’m married to him

I totally agree! It just reminds me of the verse that says “take every thought captive“. We have to be careful in every way and constantly checking ourselves!

Hmm. I disagree with this opinion. If my boyfriend were to set that boundary I would definitely respect it. However, I definitely feel that there are other ways to flee from sin. I'm not big on physical touch so I would dread my wedding day if I waited until marriage to give my boyfriend a hug/and or a kiss. I would be terrified. But it was a good perspective. Thanks for sharing!

ok so is it sexual when you hug a family member after not seeing them after a long time? Because if hugging is sexual then there is a bigger problem here.

Hey Fam! Today's discussion.. are we crazy for talking about HUGGING, or are we on to something? Let us know your thoughts!

I but like... Jesus hugged people..?

I honestly feel this , side hugs are okay for me but long hugs is a love language for me personally. This is for those sensual people who see art, Intimacy in everything.

Okay good...i thought i was just being a super annoying Christian with high standards on relationship...like no sex, no doing stuff that would make us break rules😂! I really thought no men would actually be down for that, but now that i see ur man and the way he respects the boundaries... i have hope to find a man who fears the Lord and respects boundaries the way urs does

Thank you God for showing me men like this are possible.

You two are not crazy for talking about hugging. Hugging isn't even where it all starts! It starts with our eyes and what we see and then goes to what we desire and then hugging will bring satisfaction and a desire for more. When I went to a Dream Center 9 years ago in St. Louis one of the rules was no hugging the opposite sex (might have changed now to any gender lol). Side hugs were sometimes okay. Sometimes. Then I went to a christian college and learned that "Side hugs are safe hugs." 😃 I like side hugs. As Christians we need to teach each other how to set boundaries and how to keep them and encourage each other to embrace holiness. Also, the entertainment industry doesn't teach us boundaries at all and ppl are always being entertained. They say just do what feels right, which is terrible advice. Side note: the horns in the picture behind Morgan's head during the videos make me laugh 😀 not sure if you noticed it or not though 😃

If you can hug your grandma, then it isn't sexual.... I hope

I just want to encourage you guys and thank you for making this video. We live in a world that doesn't understand how something so innocent can lead to other things. Many people are confused that you were saying hugging is a sin, and I would just like to help clear that up for people. Paul and Morgan are not saying hugging is a sin, they are saying it is a physical activity that has the potential to leading to other things, such as sexual immorality. I agree completely that you should set strict boundaries in a relationship, especially in the early part of the relationship. For me personally physical touch is one of my love languages and physical touch is so intimate to me that I don't want to share that intimacy with anyone other than my husband. To me if I get in a relationship where we hugged, kissed, cuddled, etc., if we breakup I'm going to feel like I cheated on my future husband because I shared that intimacy with someone that wasn't my husband. Another thing to add is that we can say we're strong and that we won't fall into lust, but if you really like someone then there is always potential for you to fall into lust. Setting boundaries helps to avoid falling into lust, however, it doesn't completely get rid of the risk of lust. You can still lust after someone just by thinking about them or seeing them. No one is invincible to sin including lust. Only Jesus Christ is invincible to sin, and through Him our sins are forgiven and we are able to flee from sin including lust. We must flee from all sexual temptation.

You sound great my friend. I enjoyed watching. Happy Holidays.

Ok I'm officially addicted to this channel lol

Because such a thing as the side hug doesn't exist where I live (Slovakia), front hugging is taken much more lightly in here. (I first got the side hug from an American, so yeah😂.) In our church/community it's not weird or inappropriate to hug the opposite sex. Because of this cultural background, I don't think hugging is something that should be avoided, but it really depends.

Hugging/cuddling/kissing actually builds a stronger emotional bond between two people who are dating and falling in love. It also relieves depression. So it’s actually unhealthy to not hug/cuddle/kiss the person you’re dating. This has been proven by psychologists. I myself am quite a clingy person and while it’s not the on factor. I physically wouldn’t be able to be with a person who can’t cuddle. The others include personality, attitude friend group etc. but one of the deal breakers would be physical contact. Like just earlier today I was with my boyfriend and we slept together in my bed for like two hours. Like sleep, closed eyes relaxing, brain activity slowing down etc. sleep. We were close and pressed up against each other quite a lot. He was the big spoon but neither of us got horny and neither of us were having any sexual thoughts. And I was wearing tight jeans and a crop top. There’s just something about being with the person that you love so deeply that’s calming, comforting and warm, not in a sexual way. And you just can’t replace it. Unless maybe it’s with a pet.... my snake knows all of my secrets and he is the best noodle boi.... but that’s not the point. Ps: both my boyfriend and I are 17 and Christians. Oh and *gasp* we’ve kissed before. Oh heck. I guess we’re sinners.

HOW DARE ANYONE EVER HAVE LUSTFUL THOUGHTS!!!! Like come on... Boundaries are great in a relationship, but there comes a point in a relationship where boundaries actually become detrimental to the relationship. If you cant even hug or kiss without being a sinner, then what the fuck can you do?

I feel like y’all are overthinking this😂🤔 just me?

I love what you said about fleeing rather than resisting. I think it depends on the individual themselves. I find it really inspiring to think about hugging from this point of view. For me, hugging has always been innocent and I am a massive hugger with all my friends so to me hugging someone I am in a relationship with would not be something I would think is necessary to avoid - but of course it is different for different people. I would totally respect my partner’s decision if they had more conservative boundaries than me, although admittedly this would be challenging! But also so inspiring. Great video guys, looking forward to the rest! :) x

LOVE LOVE LOVE what you said about fleeing from sexual immorality. That's gonna stick with me for a long while. You guys are great!

I Love to Hug. To me it's the most intimate connection I can have with someone considering I am Asexual and Aromantic. So I don't feel Sexual or Romantic Attraction to anyone ever. So I guess I am the amazing exception then when it comes to this. Because I can Hug anyone anytime without ever feeling Lust ever.

Hi, I am Brazilian and no, I don’t think you are crazy. This is a good way to make God’s will.

That was such a good video! So great to see other young Christians being examples of Christ!

I can tell that y’all are well intentioned people, but hugging really doesn’t lead to anything sexual at all. And if it does then much greater spiritual/mental/psychological issues might be at hand. I hug my fellow female friends all of the time, sometimes really long, but that doesn’t make me a lesbian. I hug my male friends all the time, but that doesn’t make us attracted to each other. Heck, I hugged my guy friend a little while ago, on a MISSION TRIP in a CHURCH right after we were talking about God (wow what a shock lol) and we had no weird feelings at all. It wasn’t an awkward side hug either. When you make normal things normal again, they really become just that. Normal. No need to see everything as sexual. I even hugged a guy i was attracted to because he just lost someone he loved. And I can genuinely say that my attraction to him, or the way our bodies were touching, or anything remotely sexual didn’t even cross my mind, as I’m sure it didn’t in his. I was just focused on him and his family and showing love and compassion. I think sometimes we need to be careful with the boundaries we set. Are we setting them because we seriously do not want to sin and because they are effective in doing so? Or are we setting them out of fear or because we want to look good, and are they too extreme and keeping us from getting close to others or from doing what God calls us to do (not saying that’s you guys)?

But children hug, and family hug. When some one is in need of comfort you hug them. I even hug strangers, it’s only intimate if you make it intimate.

It’s like not possible for me to date a guy and not hug him lol

4:34 *Maybe not week, but a lil sad.* *So if I hug my best friend, it would lead to something sexual?* *D O U B L E S I N*

Thanks for sharing this guy's, it opened my eyes a bit more to this. God bless y'all :)

I love this and wish my husband and I would have done this..we became christians shortly before marriage. Purity truly is so important and seeking God's kingdom first and His righteousness is one major key! I think these thoughts should also be applied to what we watch and listen to and read. Btw I loved "Charlotte and Timmy" 😂😂😂

We have boundaries and different views on hugs for me, to be honest, it depends what kind of hug. If I were to hug my the guy I like would feel comfortable , would make sure don't go any futher.

A romantic relationship is about intimacy and love. It's not bad to cuddle and kiss, hold hands etc as long as it doesn't get vulgar or sexual. I don't think it's possible to develop a close relationship with someone without any physical proximity...

Alot of hate comments here, but I will say that I completely respect you guys and your heart for Lord. I get where your coming from and I deeply appreciate you doing your thing, God is honoring that. Keep being real and keep being you! Don't get discouraged, God is using you to plant seeds and make an impact. Love you guys.

Not even hugging goodbye?

not at all crazy. really amazing.

Yes, your "talking" on hugging are crazy. Honestly your views concerning intimacy are not only immature, but unhealthy.

Christians have to have self control so ik what you are thinking about but in a Godly relationship if your partner not just the guy is struggling and even if they can't look at you you should understand but if you both have self control and both are not struggling with lust hugging and kissing is OK because they are not sexual acts only if you make them one and if you don't have self control

Mikah and I made the boundary of not hugging when we were alone while we were dating. From the advice from our Pastor and his wife, we came to the conclusion that it would be stepping on the line to hug when we were alone. This was definitely a hard boundary to keep because like you said, "it's just a hug." However, it for sure helped when temptation came. We decided to do hand hug instead. This allowed us to still feel loved but not go close to touching. Now hand hugs are cute and memorial.

um..... i hug my friends and family all the time i dont get tempted lol in anyway sounds like a you scenario

Paul is a waste of a hot person lmao

You're so smart love your work thanks for being blessing to me. I'm gonna follow this. This impacted me alot.❤❤❤❤❤❤

Wow! I think God teaches us to have self control. Doesn't that mean that we can be stronger than those that don't have God. Lust is for adultery btw.

I mean when i will eventually meet my friends after 5 years i guess i will hug them 🤷‍♂️

I totally agree! I love this series and I can’t wait for the next episodes!

Wonderful!! Stuff! Keep it up guys! I also took that stand over 15 years ago and was laughed at and thought of as weird. Those who opposed have either left the church or had kids outside of marriage. I am now married 12 yrs with two beautiful kids. My husband also believed in boundaries, they helped to keep us safe and pure before marriage. Keep preaching..

This made me think about things very differently. Especially since I’m a huggy person. But this is great!

Is.... are you guys in a cult? Somebody save these people. Love yourselves. This is so sad. You think this is what God wants? If you do, then I am very very sad for you. God would be disappointed in you. I get it. I do. But you guys have to break out of this. I’m sure this was ingrained into you as kids that everything. I know this is frowned upon but I have to say it! Someone has too. I heard Paul went to a gay conversion camp. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That people the people around you made twisted your reality into thinking that God is going to hate you for things that just don’t matter. You’re still young. Don’t be this. My heart breaks for you. I will pray for you two. I will pray for you everyday. I promise. I won’t stop until you’re saved. Please, do not have children. Do not put this onto kids. Please, take down this channel and get some help. Real help. Real therapy. Learn to love yourself. Sex isn’t bad. Loving who you love isn’t bad. This is bad. Spreading this message of self-hatred it’s terrifying. Don’t let this be your life. Please, stop living in fear. You believe in God, right? And God is love. He wants you to be happy truly happy. Not, whatever, this is. I don’t know if this will do anything. But if one of you sees this message, stop fearing hell because you’re already in it. Take this as a sign from God to get help. Get away from the people who are telling you this is how you need to live. I’m begging you, it’s 2020, you don’t have to live like this. People are making jokes but I can’t imagine the horror that was instilled into you to make you believe this is how God wants you to live your life. This channel is worse than any horror movie I could imagine because this is real. We allow this to happen. We allow kids to raised in this kind of environment. This is a continued cycle of brainwashing and abuse. What you are watching is cult practices hiding in plain site. God wants more for you. He does. Listen to him. Really, listen. He gave you the tools that can save you from this warped mindset. I’m so so sorry that this has been done to you, but don’t put this on others.