Iyanla Vanzant on Modern Women & Femininity [EXCLUSIVE] 

My father was a bus driver. There will never be another man like him. He cared for me and my half brothers. My mom is cared for after his death. Now I’m engaged to a wonderful man that works in human services. The character of that man is everything! I have friends who would have rejected him but he is everything to me. He has always worked hard and never compromised on hisself. That’s why I love him.

This conversation was soo much deeper than being willing to date a bus driver. I’m glad I watched it for myself

The drama surrounding this interview is WAY out of context. Iyanla did not try to shame Eboni for saying she did not want to date a bus driver. She simply said to look a little deeper for the love you’re trying to find and be open to finding love in a package you might not expect. That’s it. Where did she say Eboni shouldn’t reach for more or date down??? She didn’t. Iyanla also said she herself would date the bus driver AFTER she had a prenup and her assets protected. So the concept of Black women and financial security isn’t lost on her. And honestly, Eboni seemed appreciative of the insight, like a young woman learning from her elders. She didn’t give the impression that she was offended by anything Iyanla said. The way people were going in I thought they were fighting and cursing each other out. That’s why it’s important to listen to what’s actually being SAID, not what’s convenient for you to HEAR.

I appreciate Iyanla’s conversation,her boldness her straightforwardness such a great teacher in speaker!

My husband and I were divorcees and met when I was in my forties and him in his fifties. Within two weeks he asked would I get married again, a year later he proposed and six months after that we were married. Marrying him is the best decision I have ever made in my life. Guess what? I’m a higher earner because I own a company but he is a provider and protector and moved me into his home, takes care of all of our bills and absolutely adores me. He’s a retired service disabled veteran, works for the government and he’s my Superman and I can’t imagine my life without him. ❤

This was beautiful. I'm a woman who had to take time to heal. I was celibate for years, working on self, rewiring myself, getting to my higher self, then I met my person. He is AMAZING. Loves me to the core. He chose me, and because of what he SHOWED me, I chose him too. Even though I work (because I love working) he still provides, he protects, annnnd we're getting married soon. He's a computer nerd, and I'm a little on the free-spirited, artsy, quirky side. He's short, too. I think about all of these women who are missing out because of their superficial requirements. He's short, yes, but oh my goodness the way he loves me is beyond words. He's also funny, too. And I love when he rants about tech stuff. It turns me on. LOL! He inspires me to get into tech. You never know. I could go on, but I already typed a paragraph. Don't want to write a whole book on here. Anyway, ladies... this video is full of dropped gems. Pick them up. UPDATE!!! We're still going strong. Still getting married this year. It gets sweeter every day. The most important part is good communication. That's key for us because even when we don't agree, we talk to each other so well. Even during hard conversations. It's like a meeting of minds. We focus on each others needs and it's so beautiful how it really feels like I have a REAL life partner. Looking forward to doing life with him. LADIES & GENTLEMEN. Don't ever give up on love. You're worth it, even when society tries to make you believe you're not. We're both Black, so yes ladies successful Black men DO love Black women. Black men, there are Black women out there who will love you for you and will spend their lives making you feel that way. It's time to heal, you all. We're not enemies. You just have to find the one that's for you, that's all.

I’m a woman that knows her feminine energy. But so many women dismissed me and called me soft. So many men didn’t appreciate me until after the fact. I began to allow ppl to change me. I became a control freak to protect what was around me and my kids. I didn’t like what I allowed to change me so I went to therapy. Unpacked some things, and allowed God to restore me. Who He created me to be. Not being ur authentic self as God created u to be is hard work. But being who he made me to be is effortless. I’m still a work in progress, but there is progression. ❤❤❤❤

Building is external, Creating is internal.❤👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

“I was a horrible mother. I was a great father” 🤯 Iyanla is deep. This woman studies herself like a scientist

This was such an important conversation. I understand it will go over a lot of heads because folks are hung up on soundbites. However, the divine feminine knows when she is hearing instructions from the divine mother and inclines her ear to the wisdom. Those who have ears, let THEM hear.

I am so glad I watched this for myself. She said what she said but then she listened to her elder. She was open and ready to hear the message. There was so much more to this than her 1 answer.

As crazy as it sounds Fix My Life, literally helped me realize that I needed to heal in order to be a better mother. Forever grateful for Ms. Iyanla

" you can date forever because you're going to find something wrong with everybody" bars🔥 20:12

This was so inspiring. I am 75 and I can see where I have erred in some instances. The biggest problem was I had no guidance at all and never knew what to do.

Thanks to both of these women for this enlightening honest conversation. Women, a man's occupation is only what he does but it is not who he is. Supportive, caring, HONEST, good moral character, integrity, loving, responsible, etc. has nothing to do with money but all make a relationship work. Iyanla has lived and learned this and she is so right!!

As a lawyer and a woman, I love this interview. Be still and allow it. Being still is extremely hard! Thank you both!

Iyanla, fix my life was like free therapy for me

Iylanla keeps growing and growing in awareness and spirituality. I just love her wisdom, strength, and accountability.

Eboni is correct stop fighting for the bottom position in life

The Grio is smart for putting up this clip. Everyone else is using it!

My best friends father was a single dad raising 3 girls as a city bus driver. He paid for all three of his girls college education. They are doing exceptionally well and 2 are married.

I hate how people are villainizing either woman. They both had great energy, and this is a great conversation love them both.

I “naturally” have masculine energy, I was raised predominantly by my former military father. At age 18 my mom said I need to find my husband early due to my masculinity. I’m glad I listened to her cuz I can see myself being single forever because I have trust issues & I don’t want children. I met my husband at age 19. He’s Puerto Rican & im Haitian American. I was sold on him with my little list; morals, character, Integrity, good work ethic, speaks Spanish & most importantly don’t want children (huge deal breaker for me). 18 years later and we are still happily married. I do not control my husband at all because I don’t want no one controlling me. I want peace in my life. Thanks Mom ❤

Respect the conversation between two very mature, intelligent, and very elegant women.

I wish Ms. Vanzant would come back to mainstream TV, we need more insightful conversations like this. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

This conversation made me respect even more the bus drivers🙏🤗thanks to them I go to work every day bless them

My dad drove the city my all my life, he passed a year ago. He loved that job… took care my mom n brothers. My parents are my super hero. This young beautiful lady sounds like she was dealt a bad hand of cards in her journey.

For all of the ladies out there seeking love. Know this, the love that you seek is seeking you. It may not come wrapped in the packaging that you may imagine, but it will be better than what you had in mind. Put God first and watch what follows.

A very needed conversation... we as black women have a lot of unlearning to do! We must accept our feminine power.

I resonate with Iyanla about the genetic memory of Black Men. 6 foot tall 280 solid with a naturally loud voice and a huge presence offends a lot of non Black People. To the point in business and work places others tend to run away or directly challenge me based off their personal fears.

I appreciate the great wisdom of Iyanla. What she is saying needs to be heard.

I like how Eboni holds her lips when she’s trying not to interrupt Iyanla

My mother is a southern georgia girl and my dad is southern alabama man 9 kids all college graduates all married our family is so wonderful truly blessed.

Love this conversation between these 2 Sisters. The authenticity, vulnerability sharing, edification and openess to listen and hear one another brought me to tears. 😢❤ Was so encouraging and inspiring!!

I’m glad I watched this conversation in totality. Dating or not dating a bus driver was not the intended message, yet that’s all people are focused on. Powerful and necessary message for some of the women in our community. And if it does not apply to you. Keep it PUSHING 💯

It’s amazing that out of this incredible conversation between 2 incredible women, a lot of us are stuck at the bus driver part.

Grateful for Eboni tackling the issue and then for her bravery to take it on and be so vulnerable. This was so powerful and it saddens me that the world only caught a glimpse of a moment that was a part of a larger and healing conversation.

This interview is one of the reasons I LOVE Iyanla! I see her traditional African spirituality flowing out during this conversation.

PREACH, Iyanla!!! I married a "bus driver" for 33 years until he departed this life! Haven't met a man YET who measures up! (Not yet)

I miss judged the woman who said she wouldn’t date a bus driver because i heard bits and pieces of this interview on the radio.. Now that i seen the whole interview she’s actually a nice woman…

this is a deep, necessary conversation for independent, women who have masculine energy that's just bread in them from single mother upbringing while they are trying to succeed in the world and eventually try to find a mate. Much necessary info from the great teacher Ms. Vanzant. This is mentorship at it's best: "each one teach one"

She is so amazing. I can feel her wisdom flowing. Looking for material instead of good people.

Oh how I appreciate Iyanla’s patience and wisdom 🤎

We need to know the difference between being a powerful women vs being a women in our power’ Now that’s a word.

Fantastic interview!! Thank you to both Eboni and Iyanla.

I think the true battle now is for us Women to stand up against men wearing "womens face" and trying to rename the game

When I tell yall Iyanla is letting the Spirit of God use her!!!!!! Omg. Shes dropped soooo many jewels in just this small clip. Now if we would just shut up, sit still, and listen to this wisdom and.. reflect ❤❤❤

I’m glad I watched this interview for myself cause as usual, social media is blowing everything out of proportion and taking things out of context. Iyanla didn’t tell Eboni to marry a bus driver, she simply probed her to see what her qualifications of a good man are. People think that a person’s job is a personality type. It’s not. She didn’t tell high earning women to only marry bus drivers. She just said to focus on the man’s character, personal ambition and values first and foremost. EDIT: All this is not to say that highly educated and high earning black women don’t deserve their class/education level counterpart either. It’s just that after a certain age, options become scarce within the pool of black men you can choose from, especially if you’re adamant on them matching your financial status and/or educational background. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s a lot of black women looking to settle down only with black men meanwhile a lot of those black men you want are kicking with Becky or Karenette. Please, explore your options and expand your horizons. Chad and Bruce Lee might make you happy too. I’m rooting for you! ❤️

My mom raised me with masculine energy and it never dawned on me until today until Dr. Iyanla explained it. I respected but still opposed that energy but couldn't help but to internalize it. I am now aware and will work on some of those masculine traits I encompass.

Thanks Iyanla, at 70 years my book just came out, "The Rhythm of a Woman, Kingdom Style" I believe we have a rhythm with style, peace and grace.

15:38 "Because we're so busy DOING, 'til we don't know how to BE!" I almost jumped out of my seat in praise. Amen.

Powerful 👏🏽 Powerful 👏🏽 Powerful 👏🏽 Words, Iyanla Vanzant!

There is something powerful that happens when we sit intentionally with elders who want to and are equipped to teach us. Wisdom, learning, healing, insight, forgiveness, permission, and joy are all powerful takeaways. And the exchange is mutual, each generation learning from the other. Total agreement isn't always necessary. Take what you need/believe/serves you best and leave behind what does not. Feeling poured into - slightly more whole than you did when you entered that space - is ALWAYS a good thing. Bravo to them for revisiting this convo. And to each of us witnessing it on our journey to discover more about who we are and define/create our place in this world. Sending love to you all🥰

Eboni stood her ground. Your standards are YOURS. End of story.

eboni got me cracking up on that third "if he owns the bus, iyanla" and the pursed lips 😂😂😂

I’m proud of Eboni, she took that wisdom on the chin

Im glad iyanla admitted she was wrong and it affected her kids! ❤ my mom needs to watch and learn! I also love how this lady was so vulnerable and open to iyanla. She truly wanted to know what she was doing wrong. Very good talk!

Although she was extremely frustrated I appreciate Eboni's willingness to show compatibility with what Iyanla was teaching.

Iyanla's divine ability to resonate and connect is brilliant, and unmatched. She's magic personified.

My parents married in 1965 as two blue collar hardworking people trying to make it . Fast forward 58 years they are still married and my father is ( by the grace of God ) still working(since 1970) as a motorcoach operator ( bus driver ) . MLK once said " No matter what you do in life be the best at it " and my father exemplifies that quote , in his 5+ decades he has driven 4 Million + miles accident free( one of only two operators to have ever accomplished such a feat) and has recieved accolades that I didnt think were afforded to bus drivers including most recently appearing on the front page of our local newspaper along w a mayoral declaration of this past March as _______ month . The airlines refer to passenger s as souls and people give deserved revere to pilots yet sometimes demean other" soul" transporters is odd to me . That said I agree w the interviewer based on the socioecomic gap just not w the look of disdain . Excuse the lenghty comment but this one hits home and makes me think about the Prince quote ( especially since my father grew up in Jim Crow Alabama ) " The ride up front is better when you've been in the back" ! Cheers .

We need Iyanla's voice more now than ever. Good for Eboni for putting herself on the chopping block like that. Not many people ask, if they are doing something to get in their own way of finding a partner

When men aren’t providing or protecting… what’s a woman to do? Protect and provide for yourself! Period!

Iyanla gets me every time! She is truly a wise woman. You can see Eboni's pain so clearly in her eyes. I pray for her healing. People need to understand that, generally speaking, women, more specifically women of color, do not WANT to show up in masculine energy. Circumstances, life, society, and more are the reasons for the masculine energy. Come from a place of love and understanding..and you'll see the masculinity fade.

THIS IS EXCELLENTLY EXQUISITE!!!!! These are the kinds of conversations REQUIRED for women, particularly BLACK WOMEN, to edify themselves as well as magnify and utilize their REAL POWER.....AND THE DIVINE FEMININE ENERGY IS HER SUPER POWER!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ YEBO!!!!

I grew up in a single mother household and my mother is and raised me very feminine. She is def a powerful no nonsense woman, but is def in her feminine energy. It’s amazing she was able to do that. I am grateful that my feminine energy is recognized. Thank you mama ❤

So happy I watched this entire interview, it's so not what I thought. This was great I love the way Iyanla can frame a conversation to open your mind.

Love every second of this interview💕and watching these two gorgeous women of color speak intelligently about character and acknowledging our faults was profound….selfless awareness is the only way to growth

It's so bizarre...because other cultures teach their children to married doctors and lawyers encourage them to "marry well".....eboni if I'm not mistaken is a lawyer and Jewish and wrote a book.....why should she lower her standards for anyone ...she deserve to marry well! Why not her??? But every other culture of women are encouraged to marry a man of means.....it's truly mindblowing.....

Men build, and women create. Exactly. Let the man that is FOR Eboni be for her. Ask for what you want and don't settle. You will regret it!

Black women are the only ones who are expected to build a dusty and go through struggle love, we have to lower our standards just to nurse the feelings of mediocre black men. Miss me with that sh*t.

I am a female bus driver and I would not be offended…if a male said he wouldn’t date me because of my occupation. I can understand why a millionaire would not want me… he feels like we have nothing in common. His preference is his preference. Apparently my skin is thicker than my brother. OUR brother’s have said publicly how they do not date black women. They have also criticized our hair and our features publicly. Yet we persevere but I guess is the alpha-female in us? I didn’t hear anything the host said that was demeaning. Now, if she said ,”I wouldn’t date a broke ass bus driver” . Now, that’s demeaning. You sensitive brothers need to grow up and toughen up.

I will ALWAYS choose a loving man over money. 100% of the time.

This discussion should go viral! Dr. Vanzant is here for the journey of awakening and guidance. I absolutely love her.

As usual, social media with their selective outrage. First, Eboni asked some amazing questions. Secondly, she did not disrespect bus drivers. Leave this woman alone.

#Iyanla is the light we need to focus on here. Their talk was very helpful (to those who listen with a receptive ear).

Such beautiful dialog on both sides! Sooo, glad I heard the full interview and learned from both queens! Shameful how this convo got twisted and misconstrued.

I love the beauty in this conversation!!! The wisdom shared by a mature woman was done in such a respectful and elegant manner!!

This was an amazing interview! Eboni K Williams is an excellent host/ interviewer and Iyanla gave us some great insight on the inbalance that black women are suffering from

"It's not that it's bad or wrong. It's obsolete." -Iyanla Vanzant

Miss Iyanla rocked this! I receive the blessings in her messages.

Shame on Iyanla for gaslighting Black women. Black women are ALREADY the main breadwinners in the home or going 50/50 and that’s COLLEGE educated BW. She wants BW to go against our natural, god given feminine instincts to select the best provider we can for ourselves and our children, but also flow in our feminine for a low performing, less educated man who will by default be keeping us in our masculine. Make this make energetic sense. Make this make fiscal sense. Studies show that these type marriages have the highest divorce rates, and it’s for a reason. These marriages/relationship partnerships also have high domestic violence rates. So stop it. Stop lying to Black women. These marriages are literally DANGEROUS for BW to be in. As an elder in the community I expect better. Even the commentator knew she was giving unsound advice. Men need to level up to the alter of manhood or marry within their tax bracket and class level. That’s it! And all the Black people in these comments agreeing disgusts me. So confused about life. Nobody would say this to a European, Asian, or Arab woman. The men in their cultures have to step up or not have a woman. This proves y’all have ZERO idea of how generational excellence or wealth is created…..and this why the divorce rates will stay HIGH FOR BM/BF pairings 💯💯💯💯

This is why the blk community can never have generational wealth. Telling BW to settle for the average ambitionless BM who’s barely established just because he has a “good heart” as if average broke men can’t cheat either. BW keep your standards HIGH. Say NO to mediocrity. Say NO to settling. Say NO to men with low paying careers who don’t strive for more BY THEMSELVES. Say NO to men who needs a woman to build him up. Say NO to POVERTY. You don’t have to date a man with a low paying job. Date men with established careers. Your children and grandchildren will be blessed and thank you for reproducing with a man who is established and can provide for them. We know too many of us who resented our parents for having us when they couldn’t afford to put us in nice neighborhoods and buy us basic necessities. We resented them for birthing us into struggle and poverty. Don’t repeat the same trauma cycle.

This was LIFE-GIVING! I’m not a woman, but this practically has me in tears.

After watching this conversation in its entirety, I think that other media outlets were focusing on the wrong thing. Shows like, The Sherry Shepard Show, showed a clip and I immediately took it out context and was looking at Eboni as the “opp”. When in actuality, I was really proud that Eboni was able to listen and receive everything Iyanla was speaking about. I enjoyed seeing Eboni acknowledge the fact that she’s basically stood in her own way. I feel that acknowledgement is the first step to doing better. Now that she (the universal ‘she’) knows better, she can now do better. Really enjoyed seeing Iyanla discuss what she’s learned and is now sharing. Both women are phenomenal! ♥️

Iyanla was talking DIRECTLY to her… Eboni!… She’s exactly the example of what Iyanla was referring…

Just say no to struggle love & building up a grown man! We have plenty of examples of how this type of relationship seldom ever works out in the woman’s favor!

Im happy i listened to the while interview. She never mentioned black men, but as usual, hit dogs hollar.

I appreciate this conversation. Both men & women have work to do.

Date whoever you want to date sis 🤷🏾‍♀️ Why is it always a problem when black women have dating criterias?

Have to say Eboni gained my respect after watching the full video. All to often when black women are under ANY criticism from ANYONE they simply discard the information vs being able to be calm and receive something that will help them be better.

I just want to send Eboni love on her journey she did an amazing job in this interview and she is humbly looking for direction. I pray she is blessed abundantly in her femininity and love quest.❤

I’m so glad I watched the full interview. Iyanla keeps it 100 & you learn so much about why there’s a disconnect between BlackWomen & Blackmen & Women. This was so much more than wether Eboni would date a bus driver!! Eboni & Iyanla are in agreement. The clip that was released doesn’t convey that.

I really do get a Maya Angelou feel from Iyanla. I felt so at peace, relaxed, and enlightened listening to her.

I absolutely loved this conversation/interview, sometimes we’re so quick to take things out of context. Though Eboni doubled down on what she said “If he owns the bus” I like what she said in the end “None of us are above growing and learning”

Iyanla is what Sisterwomen need. She went there in her life and came back with receipts. Now she is the teacher, ready to teach and help make changes in others lives. I really .appreciated this conversation. Thanks Iyanla!!!

Iyanla’s accountability, humility, awareness, and overall energy speaks love. Her words deeply resonated especially when she included herself as a part of the problem. I’ll be repeating this often. Deep wisdom. She was speaking to me for sure. True Yeye. ♥️

Well, Tezra Fegaro and the Breakfast Club brought me here. I don't see no lies spoken here. Great conversation 👌 ❤

Iyanla is bringing her to tears. 😢

I hate when people say that as a woman I can't be motivated, competitive, and a boss and relegate me to nurture and compassion like wtf? I am a BOSS I've paid to be who I am. I've done the work. I was taught to be choosy, and I happen to fall in love with an engineer with a Ph.D. (black man) whom I met in school as I was pursuing my MD Ph.D. We are now building and creating together. I can use my brain and my heart. I do not agree.

This dynamic hardly ever works when the woman earns more than the man. If she does she has to down play her self for the man to feel like a man in her presence. The woman typically emasculates the man and ends up building him, and mothering him. It’s a shame that she can’t say she doesn’t want to date a bus driver w/o being ridiculed for having higher standards. I feel like BW always have to feel pity for their blackmen instead of being proud of him. And if he isn’t where he should be saying no, you’re not where I need you to be in order to be w me. I need you to go do more and be better, then come back. We have to except mediocrity and struggle love because we’re supposed to look at character??