Joe Budden Gives Advice to Closeted Father 

I grew up thinking my stepfather was my real father. As I got older I found out he wasn't my real dad and it didn't matter a bit and I still call him dad to this day.

If a child was raised by someone for the first 10-15 years of his life and you've been nowhere to be found, you can't just come take that kid. That's gonna be traumatic for that child!

Ish is right. By law, the father who raised him has rights also. Biological father cannot just come and take him.

I'm going through this currently and I really appreciate Ish understanding.

This is the importance of considering the full impact of your decisions, man. You gotta think about how it’s going to carry into the future even if you’re gone. This girl left hell on earth behind.

This literally happened with my brother. He lived with me and mom his whole life then our dad died and his mom wasn’t gonna just take him😂 this his momma you just his mother if cared you would’ve always been there, when his dad passed you would’ve had legs to stand on, blood don’t make you family.

Ish surrounded by the wrong people for this conversation. I feel you, Ish.

That's a heavy legal situation. In a lot states if you are a married woman and have a baby that baby LEGALLY is your husband's regardless of the paternity. I've seen this too many times.

That’s really tricky bc even if you tell them at a young age now they might feel like they don’t have to listen to you since you’re not their “real dad” and if mom ain’t there to put em in check that’s a tough spot

Legally you can’t just wake up one day and tell the other person give me my child back smh. We all wish it was that easy!

I'm with Ish all the way on this topic. It's not as simple as, "you're not my blood so go be with your real father now."

This title got me thinking the daddy was gay or something🤨

Good convo

The editing is tuff 💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽

Gotta get him to understand he loves him also & wanna be a part of his life. I've seen it happen. At first the bio father was like naa, gonna be too confusing and i wanna bond with my son (10mnth old, mother abandoned him). Boy was happy for abt 2 days but he noticed the boy acting as if someone stripped him of his soul, and after 2 mnths, got worse, wd not eat, just shed tears and stare out. So he called other Dad and asked him if he'd like to visit. He said yeah and when the baby saw him, came back to life. Smiled, laughed, cried and kept looking at his face, grabbing his face. So he asked him to be a part of the son's life. And he gets him several days a week. I was so happy to hear that 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

This whole convo needs to be thrown out.

You just casually gonna rip this kids whole life apart. His mom died, he's been calling this man dad for who knows how long, then all of a sudden you wanna come take him away for good? I'm a father just like Joe and Ice, I'm in all my kids lives full time, and I still think they sound crazy. What you mean come get him? You not even gonna ask your son how he feels about all this? To protect your rights legally fellas, if you wanna be step Daddy, adopt those kids on paper. Or if the dad won't give his rights up you can become their legal guardian on paper. This only works if the other parent is literally never around

I know a dude I went school with who found out his father wasn’t his real father and he ran away because he was angry his mom lied to him for 15 years. He tried to find his real dad but couldn’t then turned to crack cuz his head was messed up. 3 years later he OD’d. These fellas talking about this just brought all that back. My advice, tell the child when they’re 10 like joe said because as soon as they feel like you lied to them it’s a wrap.

Ish is right any child in the marriage is legally automatically assumed to be a child of that marriage it goes both ways so unless the other father acknowledged in the court he would have a uphill fight

Where can I watch the full thing?

Damn. This my first time seeing parks 🤣. Pictured him kind of looking older kind of like vlad in a way 🤣

lit ep.

I’m with Ish 100% if I been raising a kid who isn’t biologically mine but I treat them as my own kid. You not finna just come and take the kid. Also, the kid might not wanna go with the biological dad. Joe and Ice missing that point

This title is crazy I was sitting here like what episode did I miss that this clip is from but then I was like oh I heard this that's a crazy way to phrase this lol

emotions aside, at some point consider medical issues that are ties with a parent thats not discovered until the child starts to go through it

I wouldn’t be surprised if the child already knows. There are no secrets in extended families. The fact that he’s even thinking about this means to me that the child has already felt the energy.

Crazy thing is it’s not unreasonable for the two dads to work together for the betterment of the kid. I mean the child did suffer the loss of their mom so I would think two mature men who understand that it’s not about them would prioritize the need of their son if that was the case. But hey 🤷🏾‍♂️

SICK title….

Legally whoever signed the birth certificate as the father is the father and in some cases that birth certificate outweighs a blood test. There's men paying child support simply because they signed a birth certificate 💯

I’m actually with Ish on this

Extremely stressful situation his wife bestowed upon him. There really is no right answer, cuz there are so many potential variables to it. And like anything with children/people its damned if u do damned if u dont..despite the purest intentions.

I work in family court Ish is right. Every state is different but in a lot of states the man who is married to a woman giving birth is presumed to be the father regardless of if he actually is or not and the bio dad has no claim. You can’t just come take a child out of their living situation because you think you’re the father. If you believed that was your child it should have been established while the mother was alive. Uprooting a child’s life like that is traumatic and a judge wouldn’t do that.

Perhaps I missed it, but it wasn't clear whether or not the biological father is even aware that the child is his. I think a lot of people are just assuming this was a parent who wasn't in the picture and would just now be deciding that he wants his kid. But what if it's "yo I know you were unaware this whole time, but such and such is your kid."

Really good topic. When to tell the kid - as soon as they are able to comprehend, but not while they are still trying to understand what happened to mom. When to tell biological dad - depends on his relationship with mom. If he is not active in his sons life and does not reach out upon finding out mom just died, then you tell him when it suits you and your family. But overall, this is all touch and go. No right or wrong answer here.

I’m raising a child that’s not mine started dating the mom when she was about 3-4 months old she told me the situation (the father didn’t want to be involved as it came out he had a family of his own) 8 years later she calls me dad. I’M HER FATHER POINT BLANK PERIOD my girl had gave him the opportunity to be in her life twice and he didn’t want to I’ll be damned if he tries to come in her life later on and the tough part will come later cause she truly believes I’m her real dad me and her mom have 3 kids together and she’s already asking why her brother and sister have features she doesn’t (curly hair darker complexion ) so i know that day is coming where we’ll have to sit down and tell her but anyways you can’t just come in a kids life after 10-12 years and try to take them blood don’t make you nothing now days

That’s OUR kid…!!!

He should take that secret to the grave.

I agree with Joe and Ice on when to tell the kid. You can't have them thinking they whole life a lie - Ish wildin with the waiting until they grown position. But I agree with Ish about parental custody - idk if the absentee dad has the right to come take they kid back if another man has done more to contribute to said kid's growth and development. You just gotta think about what's best for the kid imo. And if the child's old enough to decide, let them decide. Tough situation.

Min 9:57 I FELT THAT

I have step kids and there dad hasn't been in there life and he can't just come take them with out a convo with me foh

Random....just realized I'm not missing Rory or Mal Great topic guys!

People that agree with Joe haven't experienced what bonding with a child is like. Blood doesn't matter all the time. That kid calling you dad, emulating you, you providing for that kid not out of obligation but love... No one is coming to take that away easily.

Bro y’all wild for the title

Damn that's a heavy story what in the hell, great advice given though!

You raised a child for 13 years…nah his opinion matters

I believe if they have a arrangement where visitation is allowed. Then the child/ren can still have both men as a active figure in there life.

Joe pants pissed me off bow I want a pair

Ish is 1000% correct.

Let's get it

I think there is a law that stated Married men automatically become parents to their wifes kids. Your wife get pregnant legally its your child because she your wife. ✌🧘

Parks and Ish 💯

i say the child not being able to understand what happened is even more reason to do it as soon as you can. like do it when they a baby type shit and don’t remember. only reason to keep the child in the dark or from the father is for selfish reasons. the child can’t help how they got here. you are who you are at the end of the day.

Thats UncleDaddy

I'm coming for mines....

A father is a father, regardless if they are biological. The son doesn’t need to know

I think Joe is heavily overrating the idea that blood is more important than the connection the kid has formed with the people he has grown up with. Fuck the label, these are the people he loves no matter if they're not biologically related or not. I think there's a space where the kid can still get to know his father and that side of his family, but taking him away from the all the people he has loved and known is cruel imho.

I agree with Ish fully. Ain’t no way I do all the dad work, you ain’t been there. The mom passed away and you just try to swoop in HA yeah naw buddy. I put in the work other guy didn’t want to. You can’t reap the rewards

Fix this title fellas

I’m with Ish on this one

I'm with ISH all the way but, My question is; What does the child want?? and What is in the child's best interest???

It may make the kid think of his mother different

8:15

i thought Joe was going to give advice to fathers who are gay on the low

My friend is 30 and recently found out her " dad" isn't her bio dad and it messed her up. Tell them as soon as possible. However, yes this guy has legal rights to fight for the kid. The bio dad cannot legally just come and take the kid. Sorry lol

I’m with ish on this one . That child was part of his household . It is not black and white .

Better drop a new pods they’re tearing you up on my expert opinion - your boys @joebudden

tell that child as soon as possible.. these children are much smater and much more tender than past generations have ever been ... waiting will only make you and enemy.... stop lying to children

How about this topic parents having children with outside partners now you find out in your teen age years you have 4 or more siblings you find out through outside sources.

Ain’t no shooting the fair ones. You can hand over my child or we can take it to court. But you taking care of him due to you and the baby moms f*cking doesn’t earn you a gold star or rights to the child in my book.

He is still his kid

Rip the band-aide off immediately✨✨✨🏀

Ish what if there is a health issues and they find out at crucial time where it might be life or death and at that moment you find out thats not biological kid?

I feel ish and parks If my wife died and I been raising this child for 12 years I not bout to just pop up one day and be like I’m taking my son , we built a bond spent money went to games , he’s all I have left of my wife I don’t know u, ur finance situation, u could be on drugs or in and out of jail , or be a child predator , u can come and take him out and spend time wit him after we meet a few times

I don’t think it’s one answer It depends on the type of child ur raising Cus some kids aren’t mature enough to understand

Consult an attorney, because biology goes FAR beyond emotional attachment. There may be hereditary medical issues that may need to be known.

I wish they would have called the guy to get clarity Like how old is the kid How long have the wife been gone Do the other guy know about the kid

Add a wrinkle if they were married when that child is conceived. It’s legally his child.

I’m with ish on this one

In the black community u won’t know that’s not ur dad til he need a kidney 😂

Legally unless he adopted the child. If the child is a minor he can't keep the child. Which is most likely why he is asking. You can't keep other people kids. Otherwise if he is not an adult you take it to the grave unless you're petty.

Joe Budden what are your comments on the recent Kanye controversies? We want to hear your opinion Joe Gunnem’ bap blap blap blap

This might be one of the few times I disagree w ish. We ain’t shooting no fair one that’s my kid 😂

2:33 Parks: Hey.. just so you know I’m not really your dad Joe: Parks that’s not really how that goes 😂😂😂😂

Would the the kids preference in the father determine by which tax bracket is more reasonable? Would they rather be with a father that isn’t their biological father if he provides more than the biological? I don’t like ish making it about affording to buy back your own biological kids, especially if biologically you didn’t even know you had kids at the birth of their lives.

There would have to be DNA testing done too.

His wife??? That’s not his wife?!! She has a baby on him. Don’t call him his wife

Yall so used to traumatizing children there are no more safe gaurds for children anymore just to protect adults feelings and ego

Crazy you gotta let them know you ain’t arguing just so Joe won’t get butt hurt and start yelling.

Lol brothers be out here happily raising another man's child?

I really hope this dude don’t take advice from these dudes especially Ish

Or just don't tell them at all. If that's your baby that's your baby end of discussion, nothing changes. If you take that into your grave at 80 yrs old and your child is 60 they will have lived so much life and gained so much understanding that they will understand what you did was for them. If they want to know who their biological father is leave it in your will or a note. The decision of learning who the biological father is should be on the child not the parent. Some kids don't even want to know who the bio father. Some do. Let them choose and hopefully faith will guide them down the right path. As far as the biological father is concerned... You can kick rocks, you had sex with my wife wether you knew she was married or not. I don't owe you anything if we're being honest.😂

What if the dad don't want parts of the kid

For the part of the show segment if I been raising that Kid for over 9-10 Years no way I’m just giving the kid up especially If the Dad wasn’t there all that time If the kid is a toddler that’s different But another factor would be if me and the mom had other kids together which would be the child’s sibling’s I’m definitely not splitting them up

Pay us for part of the show so we can make money off you… nah fam yall need to make it free or give dude his mone back lol

Terrible explanation by the guy…WHEN DO U TELL THEM WHAT??

damn i was view 1...wild. but i wasnt first to comment...smh

First

Our community needs more step daddies and it's up to black men to step up to the plate and accept responsibility and raise these babies 🥺🙏🏿💪🏿🤛🏿

🚮

U can tell ish donthave kids