The main cause of loneliness is... not liking oneself. We have been conditioned to feel "not good enough". The more we like ourselves, the more we like other people (as they stop being such a threat to us) and are more open to them (=make meaningful connections). Let's like ourselves better :)
Brent Anthony We don't need to (and never will) connect to all the people around and gain their acceptance :) A small bunch of those who truly understand us is just enough :) Even ONE person... Who we truly need to connect to is... ourselves. Having a healthy sense of self-worth makes us immune to the lack of acceptance of (the majority of) others. In more general terms: like and accept yourself for who you are -- you won't feel such an overpowering need to be liked and accepted by others. :)
+Janusz Imiołczyk Some days I wonder if people actually listen with an open mind to what they're hearing, or if they're just cherry picking what they hear to reinforce pre-existing biases. Throughout all the lectures I've heard from John Cacioppo he has strongly discouraged the idea that loneliness is born of neuroticism.
I find a lot of wisdom in what you say, Janusz Imiolczyk. Thank you. At the same time, I've seen people be wise and loving and healthy - and still suffer, intensely at times, from the abuse of envious others. I think we can reduce suffering, much of the time, but not always.
What a strange opening comment- the disclaimer about it not reflecting the lecturer's own life, and the tittering. Is this a funny subject, or is living in a state of loneliness something one would never admit in public? A real turn off to start this lecture off with...
It's so too bad that the professor who introduces him (whose name is not clear in the audio,) felt she had to make an emphatic point at the beginning about how John Cacioppo, according to her, hasn't suffered from loneliness in any significant, life-changing way. She then claims, in a what seems to me to be a distancing maneuver, he's a Very Distinguished Professor. Such we/they hierarchical thinking is a widespread problem in psychology. This kind of talk further stigmatizes loneliness. Also, it doesn't ring true to me. I imagine she was intending to honor him and not to do any harm to lonely people and their networks. But I really hope she takes a step back and thinks about her words.
Loneliness is clearly a subjective experience. There are those with few people in their lives who don't feel lonely, while others feel lonely even when they have tons of people around them and in their lives.
I believe it is not so much "being alone" that makes one lonely', but being around the wrong people creates lonliness . Also being around people who are not good listeners, and in there actions (been indifferent or putting their own needs before anot another's) can make the person feel left out and lonely. Solution to lonliness - " be sensitive towards each others needs and nurture them and "treating others as you would like to be treated.
WRONG!!!! Being sensitive can makes things infinitely worse. You can give and be sensitive and be open and still no one may come through. Ask me how I know. Oh, scuse me I forgot...I am invisible.
I am glad that he mentioned college as an example. Being "alone in a crowd" was very comfortable for me - very anonymous and private, but connecting is tricky. It took me a long time to learn not to overdisclose when I would meet someone that I had small doses of intimate conversation with.
The first article written on Loneliness as a subject matter in its own right is by a psychoanalyst Gregory Zilboorg, in Atlantic Monthly (1938) and he argues that it begins in infancy and he traces it from narcissism to loneliness to hostility; Fromm-Reichmann identities it with anxiety; and Fromm to depression. Hannah Arendt, like Zilboorg, connects it to hostility and links it to cultures like Nazism, Fascism (and now we could argue ISIS).
Loneliness is the most universal motivation in all we feel, think, say and do, in all our passions, thoughts,and actions. The opposite of loneliness is intimacy. Plato in the Symposium tells the myth of the original hermaphroditic race of humans as roly-poly humans with 2 faces, 4 legs, and 4 arms--female-female; male-male; male-femle. But because they were so aggressive, Zeus split them in half: "So you see gentleman why each of us so desperately searches for our other half.
This is so interesting, it explains so completely how I've been feeling recently. You see, being trans I've never been left so alone BUT I've also never felt so free, so whole and so mentally comfortable so I did not really need or want to understand the processes involved here but now hat I do, let's make it last and this might help so thank you all for this. ''Evolution does not make promises, it makes it work'' I will remember this, and use it.
The controversy over the nature of consciousness and loneliness begins in Plato (Sophist 245e). It pits the Giants (materialists, mechanists, empiricists, phenomenalists, behaviorists, and neuroscientists) against the Gods (dualists, idealists, rationalists, phenomenologists, existentialists). Its the struggle between scientists and humanists.
Currently, most researchers on loneliness claim that it is externally caused by external conditions, including environmental, cultural, situational, a nd even chemical imbalances in the brain and therefore transient and avoidable. By contrast, I submit that it is constituted by the innate structures of self-consciousness (Kant) and intentio0nality (Husserl) and therefore permanent and unavoidable.
Well, Yes and no humans have the longest abject dependency, elephants mature at about the same rate as the average human. ( give or take a year) . It is misleading to deal in absolutes in the case of " abject dependency "
Solitude or social isolation. Loneliness by definition is a discrepancy between the relationships you have and the relationships you want. Inherent to the definition is a desire for change ❤
It is a depressing topic so the more reason for hm to make this talk friendly. He was very friendly to his audience and answered their questions and engaged with them enthusiastically and politely. Not rude even in the slightest. As for his friendly face, he might have the opposite of RBF that you are picking up on.The talk is great but I wish he gave us some more practical advice on how to intervene on such a scary and real issue.
He is very hyped about the subject (appears to be extroverted) so he just speaks what he knows. It is his way of gaining "supply" from the audience. People who are very intellectual are using their intellect in order to be appreciated. When they feel appreciated and the positive feedback is reinforced they will sometimes talk for hours without stopping and they can even feel quite strong excitement while speaking. I think that's what happens to him in this video.
@@RobertHalisheff Quite very well said. He is probably also very intellectual and likes to speak about these things. But still, the whole video is one big cringe. It is a very serious topic and they kind of having fun there. Especially at the beginning.
