John Wick, but as a Seagal Movie 

there is Steven Seagal as Cock Puncher in the Onion movie.

It's because he takes it so serious that it's so funny

Very true. His classic Mountain Dew commercial from the 90s showed he actually had some comic timing.

He is friends with a terror leader

fuur Real!

His finisher move is seating on your face and Suffocating you to death 😂😂😂

😂

They changed the title right? I remember it just john thicc

​@@ThatSlayerguy he makes you the chair

And the chairs. I can hear the creaking from a mile away.

there is one movie with Segal where he does kung fu (kinda of) fighting while sitting in an office chair (only a fraction of that fight is in this John Thick video) .... also hilarious.

Watch his movie "Out for a Kill" it's from that and longer.

Him using his feet to propel the chair and himself forward is the funniest shit ive seen in awhile.

I actually had a hard time figuring out what's real vs. staged.

Yeah that had me DYING. Even more since that's apparently from one of his actual movies. It's a good thing I don't have roommates because I was laughing pretty hysterically at that for a good minute. 😅

The real armchair warrior.

Duded its even worse when you realize its CGI, of him in a chair. Even the CGI team was like, yeah I can't make this look realistic if he stands.

Yo, you forgot to include the moment where he transitions from white to native American

Well technically its not completely pointless. When youre going around a corner you want to have a rifle in the opposite hand so its against the shoulder furthest from the corner so you can aim at the corner without your whole head sticking out around the corner. He just did it extremely awkwardly.

@@ge2719 We've used him as an example in what not to do in firearms training.

I love how he kept his finger on the trigger when swapping hands with the pistol.

​@@ge2719 There are better ways to transition & see around corners than to waste time changing hands.....

funny thing is that they actually tried to do the run irl but it was so hard that they instead used CGI to simulate the arms flailing

1 of his many stunt doubles. He uses them for walking and standing too!

Reminds me of a goose running

God 😂 I’m still laughing every time I see it, time and time again 😂

I am totally bored of movies. That one would be great fun.

John Wicky made me chuckle

Me too this would be hilarious

Bohahahahaa 😂😢😅

​@@Kiss4cooper But if he runs he dies

Not to mention repel every woman who he does not pay handsomely to have around.

HAHAHAHAHA

Outrageous BMI and toupee!

The part where it was shattered in pieces as Mr. Thick reminisces about it... I cried!

The CHAIR is worthy of an Oscar.

That chair may be wooden, but not half as wooden as Seagal... I cried, for that broken chair.

Return of the king of all action movies! The chair proves that the most.

please stop kissing your fingers

They know their source material

It looks even better than how Seagal’s face was CGIed into a motorcycle man’s helmet in China Salesman

High buffet production

😂😂😂😂😂😂

The recent movies of his have gone straight to audio

Hi chair

*high

Under Siege 1/2 is good

@@drewzalo also Above the Law, most of his early 90s stuff was cool

@@renslo689 Back in the days when he occasionally stood up.

Haha yeah. Under siege 1&2 are good. Also, executive decision, where seagal doesn’t just stand but he flies out of the plane (and dies) early in the movie.

@@jayH325 he was still relevant when that came out, surprised he signed on for that. Maybe the pay was good.

It is funny, because Lionsgate produces movies of both of them. But while John Wick nearly became a straight to video movie, the talent put in by everyone involved meant that it would become a hit. And it did, because if you have something good, something that is fun and dare I say inspirering, it doesn´t matter how many obstacles are in the way. Like the fact they didn´t even get permitts to shoot the action driving scenes for the first movie. Meanwhile Seagal has movies that could in theory be decent, not good but decent action movies, even though they are recycled of other movies´ ideas, one can´t deny that it is kind of like watching a sequel:" The same stuff again, but rearranged". But what hinders Seagal in becoming a good actor, and his movies to become decent action movies(they can be decent and still straight to video, art is art if it is, no matter how prestigeous it may be) is lazyness. There is this joke that the only way his movies could have a use for anyone would be for money laundering, but if you think about it, it is hard to see why anyone would want to write a script for a movie, that is only finished to 20 percent, and then act in it, and then not even put effort into acting. Even with someone like Schwarzenegger, who can act sometimes but is no Robert Di Niro, you see he tries hard. With Seagal, he doesn´t. Then the stupidity of the movies, movie can get away with being unrealistic, like fast and furious two, but they have to immerse the watched into believing that whatever happens on screen makes sense in the world of the movie. With Seagal, the rules of the movie world are set up, and not followed. Which is why, noone cares for the characters achievments, because they don´t mean anything. Then, the thing John Wick does really good, the action. Even if someone finds the plot idiotic(it may be simplistic, but it isn´t idiotic), the hand to hand fight scenes are top notch, and the most realistic out of all the John Wick movies. The gun fight scenes are realistic too, and even though Keanu improved throughout the movies, especially with John Wick 3, in his first outing as the character he already handles guns in a believeable manner, so we buy John Wick as a former hitman, who didn´t sissy around and was IN the action. Seagal on the other hand, not only violates almost all(if not all, but I can´t be bothered to watch his movies fully)firearm safety rules and behaves in such a way, that everybody understands that he has no clue how to even hold a gun, which is even more funny, because an actual veteran taught him for a lot of his straight to dvd movies, and he tries to hold them similar to how Keanu holds them, but fails miserably. But that is still better than his fighting, which while his gun fu is bad, atleast some roles he plays he is a normal person, so him no knowing how to hold a gun in an action scenario makes sense. But him "winning" with his waddeling around and bitch slapping of the enemy, breaks the last bit of believeability that his movies have. Even if they were a carricatur of modern hollywood, noone would use a human bean bag for action scenes, atleast if the human bean bag can´t fight. Because if Keanu Reeves was shaped like Steven Seagal, he would have massive problems fighting, because he would be a massive target with little muscles , but he could still do some impressive shit, because he is a really, really proficient fighter, and could overcome those obsticles. Meanwhile Seagal in Keanus body, that is slim but with muscles, would loose against a lot of fighters. Admittedly, Seagal does know some little Akido, but I think that he would be so unfocused, that anybody able to take a punch still have a 50/50 chance to beat him, if the have luck. If someone knows a deeper-going martial art, or even akido themselves, or even just how to do a basic jab(if strong enough), they would win 9/10 times. And I hate to say that, because Seagal could have become a good fighter. Not necassarly the same level as Jean Claude Van Damm or Keanu Reeves, but good enough to not be a total cringe fest. If then he had the talent to laugh at himself and collaborate with other action stars, like Van Damm, he could still be making pretty good movies, and maybe if he worked on his acting he could have become an actor that accasionly has good movies. But because of his narcism he dug himself into the hole, where noone takes him serious, and the only "fan" he has that actually knows fighting sports is Jean Claude Van Damm, partly I imagine out of pity, but mainly because Jean Claude Van Damm actually wants to give Seagal a chance and is a pretty cool guy towards Seagal. Meanwhile Seagal tries to shittalk him every opportunity, but only shows that he is a low cow. And Van Damm compliments Seagal, but indirectly shows, that Seagal defiently is too heavy to fight.

I AIN'T READING ALLAT!

@@psychopathgaming.-bv3tt TLDR: There are S.W.A.T guys that are impressed with Reeves gun handling and fighting abilities, and even Putin doesn´t want to be associated with Seagal.

Alr thank you@@iammrbadguy9706

all of that plus matters of basic human decency, credibility, work ethic, the law, hair, weight management, IQ, will power, dressing and acting casual, hygiene, useful skills, actually knowing a martial art, employing a useful martial art and of course the ancient ways of not being a dipshit.

Seagal only does 90 minutes LOL

​@@Reacher_2215 still more time than Pedro Pascal on set!

@@Reacher_2215 Yer 90 minutes stretched out over 12 monthly instalments!!😂and a years supply of Ben and Jerrys chocolate chip ice cream😂

@@pv-mm2or and a mandatory trip to the strip club with every movie shoot

@@Reacher_2215 80 of them are just copy paste clips.

Is that the new "transraceal" trend, where more and more people identify themself as another race that they weren't born with?

That's not a black voice, that's his Louisiana Bayou accent. He picked that up when he was decided to be a cop. Just sayin...

I thought that's what he said🤣🤣🤣

@@Hanibul_Lecktor he changed accents in between talking to people in that show he did

@Mr Big B you remember? Was crazy seeing him with a 44" waist and Cajun accent. I thought it was a skit, fake etc...Nah, that was real !!! Haha good times

Then the way he ran... with his pants falling down.... LMAO

you definitely missed Submerged

Entire what?😂

and it’s even more amusing that he will genuinely be offended, whilst also arguing why he’d be John Wick 🤣

/Imagine Steven Seagal receiving texts from friends aboutt he new trailer for his new movie John Thick

HE WILL SUE for using is thickness

@@fionnbarrcasey5247 No, why he'd be _better_ than John Wick.

He moved to Russia. He has no friends. He doesn't watch RU-vid. He will have no way of knowing lol

😂😂😂

"Yeah. I'm thinking I'm black."

You can slip a cookie in there

​@@Simigemastop it 😂😂

Steering a fucking pirate ship 😂

Hes doing the thug shaker

Like an ostrich..

lololol

It's actually a thing though. Just don't know how good he did it, since I'm not trained.

​@@clockwork204 I am( military guy myself) and you are right, the transition from to another hand is a real technique and actually very useful, if you do it right. The thing is, he is not doing it right. He his technique is sloppy, slow and just not right.

​@@vencislavgynev8282 he's 70 year old

@@vencislavgynev8282 Im also pretty sure your not suppose to do it every 5 seconds, enemy literally running at him and hes just changing grips.

He is a legend . . . in his own mind. 😁

The Unbearable Weight of Enormous Ego. Starring Steven Frederick Seagal.

He is a great actor already

Watch as this gazzelle runs with his hands flailing 😂

Corridor confirms they used you to go through his movies, this is all because of your sacrifice!

You should be a special guest of honour in this. And your comment should be pinned.

Why am I not surprised to find SpaceIce here? Lol 😂

I’m glad I found SpaceIce here 😂

😂😂😂

I gave it a standing ovation 👏👏👏

It deserves an Oscar for its supporting role.

Not only that, he had done a fight scenes sitting down. Not even joking.

@@Victimesty I’d say the bulk of his movies have fight scenes from a chair it’s hilarious

are you ok?

@@RodrigoRenzo the chair’s fine, I asked it

The chair they broke lol

So long as you're not falling out of John Thick's chair...

😂 irony

Having watched all the VFX artists react episodes, I understood that reference

Im pretty sure the face replacement thing was just straight up footage from one of his movies and not a thing done by Corridor. Which is honestly funnier in hindsight.

@@SovietMarmalade I saw the 'making of' after this and... they did the comp. They replaced his face. But competently.

@@HenkJanBakker aahh, right right. Haven't seen the BTS vid yet. One of Seagal's movies *does* have scenes where they just comped his face onto the helmet of the stunt driver. Is them doing this referenced in the BTS? its one of the funniest things ever haha

@@SovietMarmalade Yes.

he’d be offended, and claim that he’s more badass than John Wick if he were a real person😂😂😂

@@fionnbarrcasey5247 Fortunatley I don't think Steven Seagal is a real person

Yeah

why and how i dont get it where did you come from you're everywhere WTF

Separate people doing it

Segal ain't thicc, he's just thick.

@@blazenthunder3165 tbh I’m not sure, but I’m fairly positive it’s a bot

Yes... yes, it does. I've been sitting in chairs for like 85 years...

That chair's called a scooty - scoot scoot scoot scoot

Greatest. Comment. Ever. Bruce Key, lol!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I found what I was looking for 😂

*MEYYYYYYGA

Ain't nothing wrong with steak and ribs