Jordan Peterson - Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) 

The best way to describe BPD, its like half your brain is logical, half your brain is emotional, and there's a glass wall between them both. They can see each other, but can't communicate at all.

I was diagnosed with BPD twelve years ago and I can relate to this so hard. The worst part is being intelligent, rational, and logical, and being able to clearly see how you're destroying your own life, with little ability to stop the inevitable crash.

Having BPD and being conscious of it and trying your best to not cause any problems is like having to constantly watch over a baby that lives in your head. You often have these sudden mood shifts and impulses and you constantly have to force yourself to not act on them and to remind yourself that they are just current emotional states and not who you are as a person and that they will not last forever. It`s sometimes so exhausing that you would rather live under a rock than ever having to interact with another human being again - family and friends included.

I grew up with a BPD mom. My siblings and I would always say she reminded us of a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. She was stuck at a very immature age emotionally but her adult intelligence made her so dangerous because when she would get into a rage, she would become evil, do things maliciously and manipulatively at any cost to get her way. It IS terrifying.

the harshest thing ive ever heard about having bpd is ''its like watching someone else destroy youre life'' I think that sums it up for me

Having BPD is like being in the back seat and driving at the same time.

People with BPD treat people they care for like bars of soap. They try to hold on so hard because they fear losing them that they actually force them away.

Personally diagnosed with BPD, in relationships is where most recognizable, you always express love and need constant love reminders, and when your partner does not give you a love expression, you feel like you’re no longer important or loved, and you start self sabotaging, and at the same time you know it’s not true and you’re just overthinking, but you have no control and it’s a continuous cycle. Like someone in the other comments said, it’s like being in the passenger seat, and driving at the same time.

"You want to feel alive but you also want to die because you can't handle the pain." EDIT: I was diagnosed with BPD and I have gone through enough self work and therapy to be officially in “remission.” My therapist refers to me being emotionally stable like this and I no longer cycle through the extremes of emotions. Now it’s not like I’m completely cured but it would take a lot to knock me off from my stable self. But there is hope. It’s a process you work hard at creating and practicing. Edit2: I no longer can be diagnosed with BPD. As in my symptoms no longer correlate with the diagnosis.

My ex girlfriend has BPD. I would never wish this disorder on anyone. It was heartbreaking watching her self sabotage and destroy relationships with those that loved her most, myself included. She's such a special, vibrant, beautiful woman. I pray for her everyday. I'll always love her. The damage this disorder can do to the host as well as their loved ones is awful.

Having bpd is like having 2 people live inside you, one half is your regular logically thinking self and the other half is this wild rebelious risk taker

I have had BPD for my whole life and because of it, I don't want a "whole life." I want it to end. This is one of the loneliest existences you could ever imagine. You're literally just a burden on everyone and you have to spend your life watching others get what you wanted. Update 04/2024: I just found this comment and OMG PLEASE do not think I’m saying you ARE a burden! No one took it that way but I wanted to clarify it. I meant to say “you feel like you’re just a burden”.

The DSM-5 actually mentions cases of people in rehabilitation spending up to 10 years in therapy dealing with the disorder and afterwards showing such significant reduction in symptoms that doctors claim they're no longer able to distinguish enough traces of the disorder to label it present anymore. Spend those 10,000 hours on the journey and you can master yourself. If anyone reads this you should know there's hope for you.

Dated a girl with BPD for 3 years. It was difficult at times but she fought it tooth and nail. Underneath it all she was a good person, brilliant and witty and beautiful and incredibly gentle and kind. Last October, when we were just weeks away from moving across the country, she abruptly broke things off and never gave an explanation for it. It cratered me. She idolized me in the way that BPD sufferers do, and then I believe she switched to utter disdain for me. It tore me apart and I'm still recovering from it all. I truly loved her. Anyways, don't know where I'm going with this. Just that this hits home and that I've been lit aflame by the brilliance of a woman with BPD and later burned alive by the same woman. It's a terrible disease.

This has got to be one of the toughest disorders to deal with. It is even tougher with all of the stigma surrounding it.

Having BPD is kinda like being a problematic child one moment, and being the parent of that child the next so that the parent can undo the chaos that the child caused. And it is also like one side is reasoning with the other, which is only focused on death/doom.

“The waste or the squandering of tremendous potential.” I’ve had numerous people tell me something similar to this

As someone with borderline traits, you can improve, never tell people they cant improve, bc then they wont

My ex has BPD and our relationship lasted about a year. Half the time he built me up so high, making me feel on top of the world and the other half of the time he tore me down and made me feel like he saw me as the worst person on the planet. Boundaries were frequently crossed during times of instability, and a lot of emotional abuse took place. He would expect me to stick around while I was being mistreated but when I couldn’t take it anymore, I was the person at fault in his eyes. He would say I never loved him when I had to remove myself from situations, or the relationship as a whole, to protect myself. My mental health suffered tremendously. I was always confused, traumatized, etc. Yet I continued to give him several chances because he had a side of him that was so gentle and kind, witty, intelligent, and just simply amazing in many ways. He knew what he had to do to change but when it came down to doing it, it never happened. It’s so sad. I wish he got help. I had to let him go because the rollercoaster that was our relationship was just so unhealthy. The cycles of instability never ended. I loved him so much. I wish him well and I truly hope he gets the help he needs.

It's even terrifying living with BPD because once that tantrum starts you are basically just watching without being able to stop it. It's very frustrating to experience this and I am glad I haven't had an episode like that in a very long time.

"...the proclivity of people with BPD to presume that they will be abandoned and then act in a manner that makes such abandonment virtually certain." Crying. Why can't I stop doing this.

"They seem capable of thinking through the nature of their problems and analyzing them and discussing it, but not capable whatsoever of implementing any solutions" I can confirm ☹️

I watched a friend of mine with BPD having the most beautiful transformation. She learned to live in a stable marriage. That gave me hope. For all the poor souls who suffer from it I just pray they find the therapeutical method that works for them and heal. I know a girl know who I deeply fell in love with. I hope it won't annihilate me.

I had fallen in love with a woman and never was in love like that again, and the relationship escalated in the almost worst possible outcome within 6 months. I recognize her in every aspect JP is describing. It is her fate, but it is also my fate to have fallen for someone I would have given everything to just to make being together work, and there was just no way. It was a path of utter destruction. I was 33, after half a year she had aborted our child, a pregnancy of course which happened way too early, turned ice-cold, I naturally also lost contact with her two little kids, who she had from two different fathers, and who I loved very much and were longing for some sense of normality in the shape of me being there for them. Of course, I couldn't have been that normal either, to be part of everything that happened. She actually tried to get back and start over again two times. Although I never stopped loving her, I could only say no at that point. I had already gotten very sick myself with depression. It has been 6 years, but it feels like yesterday. I live in a city of 4 million, but she happened to live 2 minutes walk from me, and we both never moved since then and still live here. I wander the streets sometimes still not being able to comprehend what happened. How could it turn itself inside out from the biggest tenderness and affection of my lifetime to the worst opposite.

Borderline male here. Sobriety and meditation help.

With someone that has lived with borderline personality disorder and has somewhat been able to overcome it, the two most important factors for me was sobriety and humility.

When you have quiet BPD its impossible for anyone to truly know/understand you. It's such a lonely disorder and that loneliness just makes it even worse. Fuck man, why me.

As a person with BPD and Biopolar II disorder, he is so accurate. And let me say it's a struggle when you have both a personality and mood disorder, and you are really trying to be a productive and loved member of society. I also am extremely empathetic which makes it hard too as I can't even watch TV without crying or laughing with the actors. It's so weird to not have control over your own emotions. I would love for Dr. Peterson to pick my brain and give me some insights.

Having BPD is for me is similar to being a genius trapped inside a toddler's mindset.

See the many below comments from people who suffer from BPD. That's the self awareness part. The part about not implementing what they strategize about , im a Borderline myself, couldn't agree more. Spent hours making perfect study plans, would end up getting stoned. I landed a job with a good deal of effort and lost it because I had mood swings and tardy days at work. The abandonment and anxiety issues damaged several friendships and my relationship. Behavioral therapy works ,let people around you know the real you. Don't be trapped in your self image.

Trying to befriend someone with BPD is like trying to form an alliance with a country in the middle of a civil war. You have to pick a side, and the harder you try to be an ally the bigger of an enemy you’ll become.

I'm borderline. The best way to describe it for me is like being both a true empath and a sociopath. I also have CPTSD and many other things. I hate the stigma surrounding this disorder. We are very lonely people who live in an emotional paradox. Before ever seeing this video i knew my potential had been squandered, I've been saying that to myself since i was 15. It's nice to be validated i guess but still I wish there was more interest in people who have BPD and not the stigma.

I had BPD. Something snapped in my head when someone used a therapeutic technique on me, a line of questioning to get to the core of an immoral belief I had. I had the idea that if people could conceptualize the pain I was in, things would change. I thought "People only care or do things when it gets to the point you get angry or cause a scene". and that was just an accepted belief of mine. I'd also get angry at things verrry quickly. Blowing up a situation like that kind of worked but eventually people get sick of it. And sick of constantly having you fear their motives or doubt their honesty, and they get numb to your pain and breakdowns. Which only makes it worse, because you can see and feel the relationship ending and not be able to do anything about it. You feel like nobody cares and that you're the worst piece of shit ever. But what made me change was the technique, leading to a realization that I was causing suffering to other people so they'd conceptualize my pain. Suffering begets suffering, and wellness begets wellness has never felt so real. I also had the realization that I was seeking sympathy for my trauma, to validify my trauma to everyone who I let close to me, so they would know I had pain in my life as if that would justify my flaws to that person. But the fact was, I was making people suffer, and then trying to justify it with the fact I've suffered. That is absolutely evil, I thought, and my mind changed... I also realized that sympathy doesn't get you ANYWHERE. People can know and conceptualize your pain, and things will stay the same. You won't be justified in hurting people, and your life won't feel any better either. This happened after my discovery of JP. It all happened in a flash of memory images of my past. It seems so simple, but it brought my neuroticism down from 95 to 30-40. I had been suffering with suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder, self harm, extreme heated frustration that I felt was too big for my body to handle for FOURTEEN YEARS. I was in such pain. Living was exhausting. I found out what happened to me was memory reconsolidation. I unraveled programming in my mind that elicited a fear response when whatever arbitrary thing triggered me into this downward spiral of emotional turmoil. It literally broke synopses in my brain, and I felt it. It felt like a snap and then a burst. Like 10,000 pinballs shooting all over a pinball machine, but they were tingly and cold. And a physical pressure felt lifted off of me. As soon as it was done I said.. "I think you fixed me" and I have been right so far, going on 4 years since my self-hate, suicidal times that occured daily.

So many times I’ve lost relationships, friendships, hurt so many people close to me. Hurt myself, binge drinker, used drugs and had fits of rage at even the slightest “attack” I felt. Burning myself with cigarettes and being sent to a mental hospital on New Years was what brought me to my lowest. I knew I was off the rails. Slowly I began recovering. Reading, going for walks, trying to be mindful at all times and stay in wise mind. It’s a struggle every single day but it’s possible with support and therapy. I send my love to anyone who is also suffering

I found that the fear of abandonment component is triggered mostly in romantic relationships. That's my experience and it brings about terrible thoughts and feelings. Every nuance from the other person was investigated, examined, and questioned to the point that I sent that person runnnig for the exit. Most but not all of my relationships had that same chorus. In addition, I decided to stay single and celibate for the sake of sparing my nervous system a meltdown because romantic and sexual relations activates that need to be "ONE" with them. Just like a favorite person or best friend you want them around so much that is scares them away- along with the other uninteded reactions.

I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but my husband and I are sure that I have it. I discovered that I was raised by a narcissistic mother, when I started counseling 3 years ago. I felt a light bulb light up in my brain. I also suffered with anxiety my whole life. After cutting off communication with my mother, my anxiety disappeared. Now, I am anxiety free and always working on myself to better myself.

This guy is a genius. I had an ex girlfriend who i believe was BPD and this resonates very well. She is incredibly smart (one of the smartest people i've ever met), with a huge potential, however seems to do destructive things all the time.

I have BPD and often the phrases “temper tantrum” and “acting like a 2 year old” can make me feel less than ideal to say the least. However, the way Jordan conducts himself, explains in depth the comparisons and does in a way not to diminish the individuals illness but to explain to those who don’t know what it’s like for someone with it. Being in my 20s and throwing a tantrum over something seemingly small is so frustrating and results in a cycle of guilt and not something I would do if I had control over it. I am slowly working on strategies but as Jordan mentioned, it’s the implementation of the strategies that can be most difficult.

I have BPD going for a degree in Philosophy and Sociolgy and this speaks to me greatly. I am capable of doing some pretty amazing things but often I self sabotage because I can't see myself doing well. It doesn't matter that there is proof that I am doing well, my mind doesn't recognize it as fact. BPD is truly a complicated disorder.

I was diagnosed at 25. Despite 4 years in the military, getting 2 degrees, having a career, and having a thirst for adventure and knowledge, I still saw the instability coming from a mile away. Imagine wanting to be the best at something and doing everything must to get there, all for it to be curbed by your very own hand. I couldn’t stand the idea of working late while my wife was home, so I would do anything to get myself home just to get back to equilibrium. Relationships were my biggest trigger.

“...to presume that they will be abandoned and then to act in a manner that makes such abandonment virtually certain” Ouch

The way he worded it made me want to cry..

We just need love and security. Once we have that, we can do anything. I was in a secure loving healthy relationship for 5 years when I was in my early 20s. I was so happy and I wanted to do anything for my other half. I was incredibly productive during that time. I lost tons of weight, toned up, looked amazing, I got a degree, jumped several ranks in my career as I was so focused and clear headed, I had a great circle of friends, good relationships with my family, bought a home, pets, everything in my life just fell into place because I had that anchor that I needed. As soon as we broke up (he wanted kids and I couldn't have them), everything else fell apart. So from my personal experience, I think borderlines are orphaned kids that have had our hearts ripped out. We just need someone to come along and put a heart back into us. We don't even need taking care of in terms of money, work, etc (I was very very hard working), just love and security. Once we have that, it's like someone has switched us back on and we can (and want to) do anything to reward our 'saviour'. If that love/security starts to disappear again, we literally start to die and lash out in an attempt to survive. I don't think borderlines lash out when the other person makes them feel secure. At least I don't. It's only when we sense a threat to that security (they flirt with other people, act distant/uninterested, start ignoring us, cheat, get angry) that we react. But unfortunately borderlines tend to attract unhealthy partners, as we are intially attracted to lovebombing and someone that is very obvious about wanting us (due to our insecurity). Narcissists/sociopaths/other dark triad types are very good at making the initial move and don't hold back or act shy like a healthier partner might. They throw themselves at you. So at first they feel very secure as you don't have to second guess if they like you. But it's a trap.

I have BPD. I've been in intensive therapy for years, and only ever turn my anger or "tantrums" inward. I only ever harm myself. I only ever abuse myself. I isolate myself so no one else has to deal with me. I always think I should die because of how useless, stupid, and neurotic I always, always, ALWAYS feel. But I have never in my life lacked empathy. I have never in my life looked at the fallout of my behavior and thought, "well it's their fault and I don't care." I see it. I hate it. And I can't fucking STOP it. And it RUINS ME. BPD is treatable, but not curable. I'm in a much better place now but am by no means perfect. My journey is proof that those of us suffering with it can and will find peace and a future worth living for. So here's to my BPD siblings out there, feeling like you don't matter, that you're a monster, or undeserving of love. I see you. I empathize so deeply with you. You are not a monster. You are not like a psychopath or a sociopath. You can do this. You are loved. You do matter.

I was diagnosed with this disorder. I was a screwed up man from like 15 to 26. Through alot of therapy and the help of god i overcame it. It's a different type of mental disorder because it's a thought and behavior pattern shaped by a troubled past, and not something that can be cured with medication. You need to literally retrain your mind to react to things . The littlest things usedu to send me into a rage , I would smash and break things for the most insignificant reasons. Ruined relationships, and caused alot of damage. I'm 30 and a completely different person now, I have completely recovered from the disorder and been told by therapists I no longer qualify for the diagnosis. The biggest problem with bpd is it's often misdiagnosed especially in men, as bipolar disorder and other disorders . It's not a chemical imbalance like bipolar, its a completely different beast

Emotional makeup of a 2 year-old, intellect of an adult. But the intellect is in service of the emotions.

I have BPD and rather mild Bipolar II, I was pretty much a lost cause for a long time and if you'd asked me only a year and a half ago, if I'd be here today, I'd probably have laughed in your face. I wasn't even sure wether I'd be alive the next day. Today, I'm continuing University and am working torwards my PhD in Medicine, I've finally found healthy and productive strategies that I even enjoy. I made the move to the big City that I had wanted so badly for so long, got a job to support myself even more and I'm in a healthy relationship with myself and the people around me. I even enjoy alone time now. I found love for life and I'm stil working out who I am exactly, but I have a pretty good understanding of who I am in general and who I want to be one day. I haven't cut or self harmed in any way for over a year now. And I'm writing my story down in hopes that it might someday help others. I'm going to specialize in Psychiatry, Psychotherapy and Neurology, but I also want to conduct research and studies. I wouldn't be here without some brilliant people who supported me and gave me not only hope, but actual perspective. I understand BPD pretty well now and I was at my worst when I wasn't challenged, when I was bored. I've always had a high curiosity and I would soak up information like a sponge. I won't lie to you: I was a horrible person to myself and others. Toxic, manipulative, impulsive, reckless, I used to be all of that. And as much as I regret that, I don't regret my past because there is no use in regret alone. Regret alone won't change a thing. There is however use in actively learning from the past, in confrontation, in admitting your mistakes and in informing yourself. I am so happy I didn't manage to destroy my mental abilities, because they're my greatest asset. And so is self reflection now. I love thinking, writing, drawing, science and using my brain in any way possible. There is hope, there is stability and there is healing. It's very complex and there is no cure-all, but I desire to play my part in ending the hopelessness and stigma that's connected with BPD diagnosis in so many patients AND therapists. This is not the end. We're at a beginning here and if you feel like Dr. Jordan Peterson described now, let me tell you: It doesn't have to keep being let alone end this way. I used to be where you are now, it seemed neverending, it felt so deeply dark and bitter and I stil have lows, but they are nothing, NOTHING compared to what they used to be. I'm thinking about making a YT channel for that now, but I'm not sure if I should wait a bit. Please let me know if you read this. Also, I had the luck to have a Psychiatrist like Jordan Peterson and I will forever be grateful. These kind of professionals are very rare and the very best.

I truly believe thst I overcame BPD at the age of 33. With no help from anyone but myself, I had enough of it, and I decided to attack it with no fear of failing. It can be done.

I have BPD. This was so beautifully accurate and the first video I have found where we are not deemed as manipulative and evil.

Reading through these comments I feel so much solidarity. I only recently accepted my BPD (a little less than a year ago, diagnosed 3 years ago) and I've been writing about how it feels to be inside of my head and how it's like watching your logical self slip into the background and this other unrecognized self takes over and you have to hope that when that self is through, they haven't wrecked everything in sight. And that self often does. It's miserable.

My ex has untreated bdp. She basically single handedly destroyed our relationship and then blamed me for every problem we had. I love her very much still but it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with a person not getting help for this heartbreaking disorder. Idealization, Lying, gaslighting, rage, projection, extreme personality changes, false memories,suicidal threats, testing, blaming, devaluation, and ultimately discard. I’ve been through it all. I just wish I could get that sweet girl back that I fell in love with..

I have bpd, and the good news is yes, even if theres not a cure, with therapy and a lot of hard work youvcan keep it under ccontrol to the point if you got the test that diagnosed you again you would no longer "qualify" as a bpd sufferer. And please dont use this illness as an excuse for poor behavior, just dont. Own your mistakes, you are a grown up. Sending love & strength to everyone fighting against this, ypu will win, you will become an amazing version of yourself, trust me. You just need to be patient and keeep up the good work cbt is your best friend.

If you have borderline, try NLP techniques (neurolinguistic programming). You need to start over and build up who you want to be, and forget the life you were the victim of. Accept that you’ll need to work hard and be the leader of your new life, but it will be well worth the effort if you achieve what you set out to do.

My brother had it and died. My ex girlfriend had it and tried several times to take her life. It is an unfair affliction that lives in the chaotic domain. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

It is so difficult when they fear abandonment, yet they act or behave so abusively that drives individuals away ! I totally agree with what he is stating ! Another aspect to this is while they possess intelligence, they either use their intelligence to cause problems, or they can pin point a problem, but will never really address it, and often they are not held accountable for certain actions/behaviors.

My BPD person is one of the smartest most talented people I've ever met but man loving them is difficult when despite the fear of abandonment they constantly push you away.

Interesting it's described as a predominantly female illness. I'm diagnosed with BPD. The impulsivity is a hare truth too. It's almost like when you start to get on to good things on some level you set out on destroying it somehow. Relationships, jobs etc. Also for me it's difficult to regulate my emotions. Someone I love dies and there's nothing. I see a pigeon limping and it really chokes me up. I react to things very unconventionally.

This really helps me understand someone that I really loved. She matches every one of these characteristics that he mentions. Impulsivity (reckless spending), could understand she has a problem but never did anything about it. But the worst one was how he said BPD's had a rough childhood (between 2-4yrs old). Her mother, even to this day, remains toxic and has caused tremendous emotional & mental damage to her. To the point where she is now slowly becoming her mother, despite swearing she would never become her mother.

Having just come out of a disastrous relationship with a woman with BPD I can say this analysis is spot on.

I watched this and cried. I have a working diagnosis and seeing my life laid out like that - knowing that I drove away the love of my life is so painful!

FUCK ME, this sounds familiar. Especially the part about: being able to identify the problem; knowing or forming a way to solve it; not lifting a finger to solve it.

I wish he would talk about quiet borderlines.

Diagnosed at 14. It only took one person in the world to never leave me. After that, all those intense emotions that I couldn't control, came easily under control. Interestingly, he had the same fears and the same issues. We have been together 23 years and happy. I stopped trying to kill myself. I actually try to stay healthy. I needed to be "re-educated" so that I felt like I would not be abandoned. My mother abandoned me multiple time and tried to kill me at least once. Instead of looking at how that might affect a child from 18 months to say 7 years old, they just diagnosed me. My husband is the only one that talked through things with me, reassured me, held me as I cried grieving the childhood I should have had, and so much more. One man made all the difference. I know he has to be extraordinary, because no one else could do that for me, not even my own mother.

Having BPD and CPTSD and pursuing PhD in Physics at the same time seems like climbing mount everest everyday. Falling down and then climbing. Never ending cycle

This is the weirdest video I have seen in while. Instead of describing of what I thought was BPD, he seems to be describing me.

Diagnosed 9 years ago,I'm trying so so hard to regulate my emotions & not live in the same chaos I've known so well, but it's a pretty hard struggle to keep myself in check sometimes. Back into therapy. Constantly working on not playing into impulsivity, which I'm very proud to say has gone very well the past almost 3 years. Doing my best to make sure my son doesn't wind up with BPD like me or become a narcissist like his dad 🥲 But Peterson really said it best; it's like a toddler throwing a tantrum 😭😂 I think it's why I'm so understanding when my 2yr old son has tantrums 😅 like Oo big feelings huh buddy, I know how it feels 😭🫶🏻 let's do something else and get those icky feelings away 😅💗

I have chills listening to the precise and crystal clear manner in which he is explaining this disorder (as well as the way he explains everything). I have never heard anyone speak so clearly, and yet descriptively; directly, and without a superfluous use of words. I am amazed by this man. He is a straight-shooting speaker. He has an immense understanding of so many concepts and an extremely keen ability to communicate that perception to the everyday, layman's person. I am a female so although I may be in the minority of his general audience (based from the statistics he often states), I am a HUGE fan!

When I first saw this video, I was overwhelmed by how overwhelmed Dr. Peterson actually is by my "disorder". Yet, his summation is one of the most thoughtful, accurate and concise descriptions of Borderline Personality Disorder I have ever heard from someone who does not suffer it. And, all I could think is, if a man (like him or not) as solid in his perspective and convictions as he is can be so frustrated by people like me, I can only imagine how I affect the average individual. It is no wonder there is such a stigma attached to BPD. I am also compelled to say: imagine how frustrating it is to be an intelligent, rational individual who is aware of it all and yet still impotent to make progress; to be one who seems wired to set themselves up for the fall; with grand plans and strategies, incapable of bringing anything to fruition. I am tempted to address the comment he makes about being developmentally affected between the ages of 2 & 4 with my own experience. However, I have learned that trauma can be vicariously passed. It can be horrific to know the specifics of another's trauma. And, the details of my story overlap with those of other, good people. It is enough to say that. Given my context, there is nothing irrational about my reactivity. My "normal" was not normal. It was full of people who were suffering. Without intention, hurt people hurt people. The fact is, we with BPD don't overreact. We feel everything profoundly and it hits us hard. I liken it to being run over by a herd of rhinos. People have no idea how much self control we try to exert. Imagine asking someone who is having a seizure to stop shaking. I'm not kidding. We don't choose it. If you ask us what has us so excited (people are as uncomfortable with our jubilance as the are with our rage) rather than telling us to calm down (The worst thing to do. It is dismissive. We want you to pay attention to what we are sharing), then our sense of urgency diminishes and we can, more calmly, express ourselves. Our unstable personalities are actually multi-faceted. We shift perspectives and we need feedback because we need to know which perspective is most appropriate for our context. Unlike the majority of people in western society, we are contextually focused. We see ourselves as a part, not apart. This is not something we can change. We really don't belong in an individualistic world. The debates that go on inside our heads because we can see the validity in multiple, often opposite (not necessarily opposing - again a matter of perspective) viewpoints, seriously impede our ability to make wise personal choices. Black and white thinking erupts as we try to without feedback. I often feel like i am on the fine edge of a dime. I am both sides. Yet, I cannot show both at once. We are frustrating. We are frustrated. Many of us are lost because, in truth, the majority of people just can't handle us. Where most people have friends and partners who meet their emotional needs, I need a paid professional to meet mine. And, I have managed to "trigger" the last two. Pretty sad when you feel like you have to censure yourself with your "caregivers". It's pretty hard not to want to just hide under a rock. And, I am not. I am here, hoping to bring some awareness. I am stating that I do not choose to be this. It is, as the world sees it, my affliction. I have to tolerate that I am intolerable. Show compassion to a world that cannot have compassion for me. And, try to to believe, despite all evidence, that I deserve to show a little to myself.

I think it is from being raised by a narcissist parent and those people cannot parent at all, you just survived them. I can only imagine the neglect in the early development years since i can't remember it although I remember my later childhood years and I was pretty much ignored most of the time. Especially when I would have an emotional outburst and bawled my eyes out. My mom made sure to ignore me and act like nothing was wrong at those times, contributing to the abandonment feelings.

I was diagnosed with bpd 5 years ago yet somehow anytime i watch these kinds of videos i still cannot believe how accurately i fit the description and traits of BPD. Everything he says I'm sitting here like wow he is literally describing me😦

Borderline here. Dialectical behavioral therapy has been helping me a lot. It sucks though because the feeling of squandering potential is just unreal. I could have been so much more, but I've failed at nearly everything I've tried because my emotional side just kicks in and ruins everything.

Was married to a gal who was eventually diagnosed with BPD, and the sense I had was that she would 'compartmentalize' her emotional life, to the point where she'd be the sweetest, most agreeable person for a few days no matter the circumstances. And then one day it was like a 'relief valve' suddenly went off, where she had the need to totally ditch any sorta facade of 'agreeableness', in order to 'release' all the pent-up negativity... usually thru an hours-long bout of rage that nothing seemed to help. But then next day, even after the ugliest of fights, she'd act like nothing ever happened!

Remember you only need to have 5 out of the 9 traits to have BPD. Everyone with BPD is different and their own person and deserve to be treated with respect. Some people with BPD can be empathetic and calm. Each person is different.

I gave all I had for my mum who has BDP, for 33 years being abused by her. I held hope for my mother that she might finally learn I could be a safe place and I wasnt going to abandon her. But she couldn't and instead she treated me even worse. I couldn't go on, bearing the brunt of her behaviors anymore. It breaks my heart but I had to walk for my own sanity.

This may sound strange, but reading all these comments and how I'm seeing I'm not alone in this... makes me feel a bit better. Maybe I'm not so bad. Maybe I just need to actually do the work I know must be done.

Holy shit this describes me exactly been struggling with this my whole life and thought it was just depression/anxiety. I’ve watched so many videos about psychological illness’s and none of them hit the nail on the head like this one. Literally seeking some professional help as soon as I can.

I’m a quiet BDP mixed with aspergers...life is lonely and often confusing. I internalise my temper and take it out on myself. Rarely do I act out but when it happens its like a tsunami and I’m scary.

Thank you Jordan Peterson! This is the first time someone explained it in a way I can "feel" - even being German and having to find my way through the words I love this explanation. And it lets me learn that I have that disorder and lets me understand where the link is missing - AND lets me get not only a glimpse, but a real clue, what to do for the FIRST time in 60 years! So thankful.

I never got the diagnose, I kinda mentioned it ten times to my MD, psychiatrists, psychologists and nothing was done with it. And I am crying right now cuz for someone without BPD this man made me feel understood about this part of me. I can’t stress enough how this man changed my life. It’s a blessing.

I am a Borderline and it is hell on earth. it's impossible to describe the pain of living with this condition. It is not much you can do and so many people commit suicide

Just as I was wondering if he ever talked about BPD (a disorder I was partly diagnosed with), this pops up. Very true and hard to hear, as it's a debilitating condition, especially the part about the fear of loss mixed with behaviour causing people to leave you (happened with a few of my best friends). I struggle every day with containing my rage and trying to express it in a "normal" way, but it's really hard to do when you're full of different emotions and most of your life you were told not to show them at all, so you could act as a counselor for your parents. Probably why I developed OCPD along with it, to control my destructive urges. Tough mix to down, I had to take a hiatus this year, 'cause I couldn't study because of it. I'm attending various therapy sessions and they seem to slowly piece my life together. Listening to professor Peterson also helps me greatly, although my room is far from clean and there's a bunch of sturdy dragons littering it.

I offered my husband all the love and understanding I had, a lot! I acknowledged his trauma and pain and reassured him many many many times I am here to help him amd I did w actions too!! i am the only person in his life to tell him all that. he abused me and pushed me out that I can't take this anymore.he took my kindness, love, patience, grace, forgiveness after abuse and cheating as weakness. I wish we had been happy.

The lack of implementation is due to the rapid idealisation of such solutions and then the rapid evaluation of those solutions as you presume they won’t work in the same context of presuming you would be abandoned.

There are many theories of the etiology of BPD, most of which likely contain some truth. One of them which I find most useful comes from object relations theory and can help explain the idealization and devaluation cycles...the "splitting." It goes like this: An infant is unable to process the idea that the "good mother" who feeds it and cares for it, and the "bad mother" who isn't immediately there when it's hungry, are the same entity. It would be too painful and traumatizing for the infant to accept that the good mother that it depends on is not the perfect, idealized object that it needs. So it "splits" the representations in two, one of which is loved and the other of which is hated, and it does this not only for the mother-object, but for all mental objects, including the self. Eventually a child must learn to accept that mother is one imperfect, human being - and that the world is neither all good, nor all bad. But this acceptance requires grieving the loss of the idealized objects - realizing that the ideal perfect mother and the ideal perfect world never existed. This is what Melanie Klein called moving from the "paranoid-schizoid position" to the "depressive position." It is a grieving process because it involves letting go of something that is deeply treasured - the idealized objects. But it can only happen if the child can live with the combined, integrated representation - if the integrated representation is not acceptable - in other words if the truth of reality is too horrible to bear - (for example, because mother really doesn't give the child the love she needs) then the child will not be able to let go of the idealized representation. Object relations theories of BPD posit that the BPD child is unable to fully integrate the split representations because he or she is unable to accept the loss of the idealized representation. This may be because the sum total of experiences with the world are more negative than positive, or because traumatic incidents have made "reality" too horrible to bear without the comfort of the idealized representation. The representations are at best only partially integrated, and literally utilize different brain pathways. The BPD individual remains "naive" to the true nature of the world, while at the same time being horribly jaded about reality - the world, and everyone in it, are either ideal, or evil. The idealization is a defense mechanism meant to protect the BPD individual from accepting a reality that would be too painful to bear - a reality that most of us accepted as infants when we successfully grieved the loss of the ideal. When someone with BPD can no longer maintain the illusion that someone or something is the needed ideal version, the conclusion she reaches is that the person or thing must therefore be the hated, evil version, who WILL mistreat and abandon her. That's how the partner of someone with BPD can go from an object of love one minute to an object of hatred the next. There is no middle ground, or very little middle ground, because a world without the idealized representations is felt to be a horrible, unbearably evil place. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-md0LTZU47Ek.html

“I think I have enough mental energy to do that” I honestly feel this way too whenever people ask me about it 👀

I have been diagnosed with "mild BPD" and I have memories of my mother hitting me in the head during those formative years of which he speaks (2-4). So parents, I know it can be frustrating at times, but be creative, try many things, but don't try physical punishments if you want your children to grow into responsible, well adjusted citizens of society. Especially not on small children.

100% on point. We can think through the problem to find a path to the solution, but navigating ourselves there is impossible.

I'm going to break this damn cycle. I'm focusing my energy on love and love only now. I'm opening my doors and I'm connecting back to source. I'm gonna find that force! And then I'm going to become a resource. It's a new cycle now. And IM in control of it. I have control over my thoughts. I may not have control ovee my feelings all the time, but that's ok. I'm a hypersensitive person. But all I need to remember is to not take everyone and everything so damn seriously. Because it's life! Life is crazy, but that doesn't mean I have to be. I don't have to be subject to these demons that take my body and emotions on a joy ride. I need to sacrifice myself to what truly matters in life. I can do this because everyone is capable of change. It's harder for me than it is for others but that doesn't mean it's IMPOSSIBLE!

people that’s don’t understand bpd from the outside, it’s like walking on a wire your whole life. it’s constant instability.

Thank you sir, you nailed it. I have suffered with this all of my life. It's so embarrassing. My mother always told me I used to have a high IQ. I was fascinated and excited to know how high it WAS . She would never tell me. Sometimes she would pretend to remember...maybe it was 140 or 145... I'm 50 years old now. I wanted to go to college and be an art therapist. I took college accredited classes in high-school in psychology and art history. I got A's. My mother never thought my grades were good and certainly didn't think I was worthy of a college education. She never wanted to spend a dime on me. I was just a whore in her eyes and deserved to be punished for wanting what I equated as love. Simply the passionate touch of another human being. My passion for the arts and therapy was quickly sculpted into verbally and physically abusive relationships as well as long term drug abuse. I spent 8 years in prison as a result of my behavior and was in rehab and then intense one on one therapy for 2 years after that. One day I was discussing a session with my mother and I begged her again to know. ..how high WAS my IQ. It WAS over 160. I could have been in Mensa according to my godfather. But she never wanted me to know how smart I was. I felt hopeless and trapped, with what we now call social anxiety. I learned that this was narcissistic abuse. And I learned about complex ptsd. Again and again I would recreate these traumas with the perfect person to punish and abandon me. There is absolutely no logic to my behavior. And absolutely an inability to correct the behavior once the triggers have been pulled . I have tried my best to explain my behavior to the person I am in a relationship with now and I feel like I'm just a parody of the "crazy bitch" I have disgraced and embarrassed myself in front of his family ....who of course have multiple personality disorders and generational traumas of their own I feel physically sick when I'm triggered by abandonment or treated like I'm stupid. I then act out or seek comfort in my addiction. Even though it is punishment on my body and mind. Is there any fucking hope? I feel paranoid, insecure and depressed when there is absolutely no reason for it. I know what to do to be successful and live with purpose, however the moment I attain any success, I don't believe I can maintain it. It is truly heartbreaking. I just wanted to say this incase anyone else can relate...during therapy I did not want to leave the house because I was Filled with such rage. Thanks for listening..I did learn to draw pictures on ppls skim with needles tho. Lol Tattooing is very gratifying ❤😂..for both ppl I guess

I’m Dominican and in my country when somebody gives a bad vybe or an illogical answer something is off about them, we just say they crazy 🤷🏽‍♂️ all these labels and stuff make it difficult to understand sometimes who is who but the gut feeling never lies, unless that person is so good at hiding things. sane people do sane things. I believe all humans have their leaks and nobody is truly “normal” as I like to say we are all crazy but then theres crazy sane and crazy crazy if that makes any sense, or am I crazy ? 🥴lol

One thing he didnt mention was the overimportance of words with borderline

If you think dealing with us is difficult imagine being the person w BPD. At least you can choose not to deal w us. We can’t 😔

It took me 10 years of misdiagnoses to finally get psychiatric attention for BPD. And it was already too late. I had already destroyed so many relationships, including my marriage. It hurts so much.

I was diagnosed with BPD not long ago. Been listening to JP for many years now and this is not only (once again) him speaking my chaotic mind into the articulate form I wish I could but this time, I’m in tears with how accurate he’s describing my life. I even know what he’s talking about and call them just that: tantrums. They are agonizingly painful internally and externally.

It's sad to have a girlfriend who has BPD and even after taking care of her for a long time...spliting up because of the mental pressure you receive. Jordan is one of my favorite people to watch on yt and it brokes my hearth to see this. Even tho the separation was for a greater good many months ago, I still love her...

"One interesting thing of people with pbd is that often there quite intelligent. And you see the person with bpd something like the waist of the scoundering of wasted potential. They seem capable of thinking trough there nature of there problems anaylising and discussing it. But not capable whatsoever of implementing any solutions" This hits home like a truck.. Fuck i love his mind and his way of verbally explaining stuff. This guy is my spirit animal

This man is genius, period. Almost no one explained BPD in a realistic way as he did. Most of other psychologists gave a text book definition while he gave the reality of what BPD looks like.

I got BPD and CPTSD. I spent most my life undiagnosed, and had rather unhealthy coping mechanisms. I ate too much, isolation, not caring for my health. Three years ago i started therapy, two years ago I craved change. I have lost 23 kg, I work out, I have soon finished with first year of school to get a higher education. I am terrified and I still get my episodes.. but I am much better at dealing with them now. Sometimes I look at Peterdon's other videos for inspiration when I feel like giving up. We can do more than the limits we set for ourselfes

I was 9 years old when one day it dawned on me that my mother was prone to temper tantrums, and that emotionally she was like a 2-year old.