Jay Kordich Motivational speaker Born: August 26, 1923 (age 92), California Spouse: Linda Kordich (m. 1981) Education: University of Southern California Books: The juiceman's power of juicing, Live Foods Live Bodies
I did a short writeup about the Juicenan infomercial around the turn of the century: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everybody has one of these... don't you? Geriatric ex-athlete Jay Kordich should be receiving Social Security by now, but instead, makes his living plugging his big, noisy plastic juicer. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, his infomercial skills are definitely less-than-mature. The Juiceman is a fairly bulky kitchen appliance, designed to devour whatever is shoved down its gullet, and spit the juices from it out of its spout; while straining out the solids and dumping them into a hidden chamber behind the machine. Observations: This Juiceman is a downright LOUD machine. I'd almost be afraid to stick a sound level meter too close to it; for fear of bending the little indicator needle over the right hand stop like a golf club wrapped around a tree. Jay Kordich almost seems to be yelling over the motor noise during much of his dialogue; as if his hearing became damaged over time by prolonged use of this machine. Maybe he isn't aware of the lavalier mic he's wearing; there's no need to yell with one of those things on. The machine is also fairly large and bulky; and may not be suitable for very small "pullman" kitchens often found in apartment homes. Because of its design, of placing the pulp collection bucket behind the machine; it is possible for one to forget it is there, only becoming reminded of it days or even weeks later as you search your home for that awful stench coming from the pile of rotting vegetable matter festering inside of it - or wondering where all those goddamn fruit flies are coming from. Speaking of cleaning, Jay emphasizes how "easy" the machine is to clean. Anybody who's ever tried to clean a clogged-up kitchen strainer (those small metal ones with the handle and the two little lobes on the other end) has already had a taste of what it would be like to clean the Juiceman. And the strainer in the Juiceman is even finer; making it that much more difficult to flush pulp and other garbage out of all those millions of little holes. Jay's delivery of the product dialogue is fairly boring, and at times, downright annoying. He harps on the subject that if you eat dead (cooked) food, you're gonna die. But if you "juice" using his machine, you'll live a long time. He spends most of his time concocting these vile, disgusting vegetable drinks; and is it any wonder that he only takes very small sips of his creations? Some of them are downright evil. Now, about his "live food equals life" baloney. When he's busily yakking away, fruits & vegetables such as carrots, apples, beets, celery, parsley, and more; are among the helpless victims he cruelly grinds up in his little "chamber of vegetable horrors." He's so concerned about life & death; yet he fails to see the massive, large-scale, and downright brutal horticultural executions taking place on his own studio set. "Live food, live vegetables, live bodies...Dead food, dead cells, death..." Horse puckey! The moment he lovingly shoves an innocent carrot into the maw of his motorized vegetable destroying satanic robot death machine, it's dead. IT'S DEAD! IT'S DEAD, JAY!!! Now what do you have to say for your "dead food=death" tripe? Jay has got to do something about those eyebrows. Those things are big enough to be used as rat traps. For that matter, they'd make decent paintbrushes and even better emergency feather duster substitutes. Shave those damn things down once in awhile. I'll mail you some damn hedge clippers if that will help. He also apparently doesn't believe in using antiperspirant; as evidenced by those evil wet puddles under his arms. Most people in show biz will do anything to avoid having this happen to them, even if it means visiting the dressing room for a new shirt every fifteen minutes or half an hour. Not Jay. The way he plays with his hands throughout the program is just plain ANNOYING. His hands and arms move & thrash about as much as his mouth does. All of those phantom "pinching" and "pulling" gestures he makes; it makes me just want to cut off his hands and spank him with them. This infomercial kinda bites. Nothing really gets wrecked; other than a LOT of vegetables and drinks being wasted before it's all over. The price is steep, the machine is noisy enough to wake the dead, and it doesn't look easy enough to clean to make it worth my time. Sorry Jay... but your infomercial kinda sucks. But not as much as some. Two Toilet Seats for you.
Your write up from the “turn of the century” SUCKS. Probably took you a year to write your cheesy little hare brained “write up”. You’re even dumber than you look. Loser
