By far my favorite episide so far. I'm 54 and have learned in the last 10 years so much about myself and why I am the way I am. So many ah-ha moments. And this episode presented another one - being of service to avoid gossip or negativity. That's why I've done it all these years. And I enjoy helping out as well. Thanks, Mayim and Jonathan. You are both appreciated.
Blood family is given. Real family is chosen. After our parents died, I’ve decided to have an ex-bro, excluded of my life, for my own sanity and health, bc his own toxicity. I’ve still other siblings. Those and the family I formed with my husband are my chosen family. The ones I can talk about anything, s/times agreeing to disagree in a civilized way. As a “people pleaser” myself, I needed to set these boundaries. Sometimes, drastic “surgery” is the only option. Thank you Mayim and Jonathan for bringing Kara here! Such three wonderful minds together in such akward topic! 💜
I remember leaving my dad's house crying too many times. They're so dysfunctional that I finally reached a point to stay away because boundaries weren't enough. Love shouldn't hurt
As an only child, when my mother died, it meant that I stopped having a family. I was not close to anybody else. She was my family so I forgot, abandoned stopped caring about the extended family. I did not really like them. They were so toxic that I was totally unable to deal with them. My mother got cancer and I had to deal with her illness alone. Nobody was there for me. I learnt what it meant to be completely alone in life, no family, no siblings, no friends, no partner. Instead of facing them, I avoided them until I severed every single tie with my relatives. I do not know if this is healthy or not. It was fleeing instead of fighting. My family is savage. I needed to survive. When I met my partner his family was the complete opposite, so loving and healthy. I am enjoying having a real family now, in my early forties.
Wow Andrea I really relate have gone through something similar had to cut all ties with the extreme toxicity .. it’s stunning what people are capable of. I’m really glad you found happiness in your new situation xo
I was so moved by the story of your Aunt! Two of my elderly family members passed this year due to covid, and four of my cognitively impaired former students. They lived in congregate homes. Most of my (former) friends said, "Oh, the doctors just lie to bill Medicaid." Not even a "Their memory will be. Blessing" Hearing you talk about grief helped me. Oh, and their bad behavior is on their soul. Thank you! Have a wonderful Holiday. Your Aunt was a blessing and her memory will always be a blessing.
I just moved home and this is the first holiday season I'm around family for the first time in 10 years. The last time I was home for Christmas, I had to leave before the end of the night to just drive by myself for a little while- something I’d forgotten about until Mayim brought up having to leave places. This year is different, but I’m doing my best to get thru it.
Could you have an episode where you talk to Dr. Ramani about narcisim? It would feel so warming and comforting to hear both your expertise, in particular because your channel makes people (I'm sure I'm not the only one) like we're not alone. ❤️
Oh man….Jonathan thank you for simplifying the situation that I often realize after a conversation is happening. You nailed it. This feels bad and yucky and how do I deal with this?
So sorry for your loss. Everyone who has what I call “dysfunction” in their fam needs to listen to this!!! I appreciated the explanation of narcissism and enmeshment. That is what my “ask Mayim anything” pertains to but would love more info.
EXCELLENT & timely podcast. Navigating this w/ my MIL the year we lost my FIL to COVID, along w/ all the normal grief of “firsts” for MIL & my husband. My family’s a bit out there, but we love & are there for each other. This was a really helpful show for me. Thank you - AGAIN! - so much for helping me through these obstacles of life!
Omg I love doing the dishes too and I’m a people pleaser as well. I have also finally found a way to set boundaries and “excuse myself” from conversations I know will not end well!
A ton of great info in this one for many. However, I think it's important, too, to recognize that sometimes no matter how much time and effort you put in, some connections are not manageable and remain extremely damaging. I've spent decades unsuccessfully trying to establish healthy boundaries with an immediate family member. Seven years ago, after one of their many malingering stunts, a doctor finally chose to have a psych eval done, and a professional diagnosis of NPD, BPD, and HPD was made. I ended up having to go no contact, but still am forced to try and maintain basic boundaries with extended family who carry out my relative's abusive behaviors on their behalf. No change will come from them, and I'd not wish this situation on anyone. My condolences on the passing of your great aunt, Mayim.
This looks like it was recorded earlier, as the set has changed since this was recorded. The backgrounds and decor have changed in the past few episodes that are newer. Having said all that, these are all amazing shows, love the conversations and topics, and its my go to each tuesday.
I like to use a noncommittal mantra (something to just repeating) such as "that's interesting" or "how about that" or "I've never thought of it that way"
OMG! My two favorite women & podcasters together! When two intelligent, with well-furnished brains women as Mayim & Kara chat, the devil 👹 sits, listen & learn! I’m a devil today! Along with our adorable Jonathan being our “Breakers” voice there! Yes Mayim, I love to clean dishes: great time to introspection as to interaction! Sorry for your greataunt loss! Blessed be her memory! Happy holidays🎄to those celebrating!
Be good to have something about dealing with cutting toxic family. This year is first year without my parents 💔 they stopped talking to me after pointing out wrong doings. More to it but it feels like grieving. I think about my mum especially every day
Thank you so much for this pod cast. You might want to check out Terri Coles work on boundaries. She has literally written the book on boundaries. Boundary Boss!
I can see the Really Famous mug there, Kara! I have the personalized with my name one here at my desk! And soon I hope my #bialikbreakdown one will accompany it, when my merch order will arrive!
People need to be reminded that it is ok NOT to surround themselves with family just because they’re relatives. Not everyone is good for you and as adults, we are allowed to choose who we surround ourselves with. When relationships don’t add good/positive things to your life, it is ok to choose not to continue them or to maintain safe distance from them. We may not be able to choose the “family” we’re born into, but we can choose who we surround ourselves with. The best holidays I’ve experienced in recent years has included only “friend family” which is the family of my choosing. These have been the least stressful, most fun, enjoyable and loving holidays of my life and I will continue this going forward. I’ve chosen not to be around my BPD, narcissistic mother around the holidays to preserve my mental health and it has made all the difference in my life. It can seem difficult at first - especially if you have family that guilts as a form of control, but it’s worth it in the end.
Good luck applying all this healthy mental health boundary setting, etc with my ultra conservative familial piety, enmeshment, attached at the hip throughout the whole holiday type situation some of us are in, sometimes cutting people out is the only way. Lol, my default emotional state is numbness, it's the only way when dealing with my narc relatives or else imma be institutionalised.
I just don't like hanging out with people who drink themselves into intoxication. I try to leave early or even make excuses not to go. After years of dealing, I just don't think I need to put myself into situations that are uncomfortable for me and will make me react. Can't I just say no for that reason alone?
Toronto isn’t considered the east coast of Canada. The east coast would be the Maritime provinces (Newfound, Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia). The accents in the maritimes are are much different than Ontario! We are our own country with different regional accents that those of the US. Jonathan, please give her a quick lesson on the various Canadian accents! Also, I cannot hear the different between Jonathan’s accent and Mayim’s accent! They sound more similar than Mayim’s accent compared to her mother’s accent!
Personality disorders are very complex and misdiagnosed constantly… also proper narcissism/psychopathy is extremely fucking dangerous and a lot of these people run the world :( (my father is a psychopath)
For a reason for a hotel, you can say well I snore or whoever your with does. Also I always say my mom likes to swim and the hotel has one so she's happy, when I'm with her. I also have fibromyalgia and the pool it good for that and its a nice treat.
Try to explain that you want to stay at a hotel if you're Honduran. We NEVER stay at hotels and it is a strong insult. We sleep on the floor if needed.
in an honest light. It sounds like people with money are the only ones allowed good mental health. Privacy is huge. when you talk about a hotel. I look at the thirty dollars in my bank account and um yeah I can't go to a hotel and everyone I feel comfortable with to stay with is not able to bunk my kids and I. I don't feel that they should. also My sister is coming for the holidays and it's my dad's house. he loves spending time with her. I want him to have that. I don't have anywhere to go and I don't like her hanging out with my kids. I don't trust her or want her anywhere near. I have no where for us to go. I don't have that money.
Hmmm, sometimes your family of origin doesn't provide the kind of soil that nurtures/supports deep roots - and so you move through your life working out how to create that rich soil yourself.
