Keeping My Mom Out Of My Life  

For the people in the back of the room…”LOVE DOES NOT MEAN ACCESS…FORGIVENESS DOES NOT MEAN TRUST!!” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Broken family systems are HARD. Because when you are the one who stands up and says “no more”, you are seen as a threat by the family system. 😖

I believe Yvette’s point is that going back to confront someone that won’t receive the confrontation will only harm the growth and progress that she’s made away from her mother.

I’m team DONT confront crazy. I think it’s best to keep your distance and peace. Any time I’ve tried to confront someone illogical it does not end well………

The kids interrupting is actually the sweetest thing 😂- I love how you guys respond to them- it's a great example for others

I feel like Yvette’s guess of Michelle & Barack is reflective of her confidence in Beleaf

in NO CONTACT with my 'mom' for 4 years now.. such peace and release in my life ever since. i feel no need to confront or explain myself to anyone. wasted energy! i have been creating my CHOSEN family. its truly empowering.

my husband and i purchased our first home back in 2021 with three kids. it was in a HOA and just so busy. We felt God calling us to a different life style so we sold our home, packed our home up in storage and moved on faith. we ended up purchasing 10 acres lived in a RV for a year, while our home was being build and we JUST moved into our brand new two story beautiful farmhouse!!! We moved away from EVERYONE….. we had no one and no help but God has been teaching us in this season of life to be intentional with every aspect….. groceries, church, garbage, checking mail, park time! I wouldn’t trade this life for ANYTHING!!! it’s the hardest to adjust to but soooo worth it. get y’all some sheep, goats and chickens!

That hit home when you said I'd rather have my family broken than not at all. That used to be acceptable to me, but when you start the process of healing and becoming whole, that is no longer acceptable.

Go no contact with a narcissist. They have mental issues and will not take correction or accountability. Even when confronted they will not take accountability. Her mother will use triangulation, silent treatment, and discarding. You can love from a distance. Let the disrespect be the closure.

Her mom needs to be held accountable. Also I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents!

I’m a man and I listened to the whole email 🤚🏾😂

The details are so necessary. This was so sad 😩 but the conversation was needed. Sooooo many families are dealing with this! That generational trauma that our parents have not dealt with is toxic. The children of those parents are doing the work and no longer accepting it. Trying to navigate the two worlds especially when you’re from a big “close knit” (or so we were raised to believe) family is difficult. Healing and deep conversations are necessary to navigate through. Thank you for taking the time to read the entire letter. I agree with Yvette “so proud of you”. 💕I just want to give her & her siblings a big hug🫂🥺.

I love the idea of writing a letter. It gives daughter a release, provides mom with the information, it also keeps out interruptions and them talking over one another.

That email was a whole memoirs draft. She need to publish that

Going on 2yrs of no contact with my mom. The best decision I have ever made. I confronted her numerous times and it’s was like talking to a brick wall. After my final attempt I let it go. After becoming a mother and wife myself I couldn’t allow my husband and children to be around that. One of my sisters tried to commit suicide and my other sister gave a speech at school and confessed that she hated her life. Now that I’ve been estranged she has been trying to turn any and everyone against me. Even went as far as getting witchcraft done on me. My sisters and I have been through hell. When I went no contact with my mom I weighed all options and chose me and my peace of mind! My children have no clue who she is and I’m okay with that.

Her mother doesn’t appear to have the capacity to understand and hold the level of trauma that she caused. I have gone no contact with a lot of my family members as well as my husband’s family. No access says a lot. For me and my situation I have excepted the idea that it’s not worth it. I am free of guilt and shame, it’s not mine to carry! Some people don’t have the strength to confront without being destroyed in the process. I personally don’t have a problem with confrontation and will gladly step into the line of fire when it comes to the family that my husband and I are and have created.

She needs to forever cut ties and start her own family. No confrontation needed, they will NEVER change and the mother is bad news! Tell your in-laws to watch this video and they‘ll understand!

I don't think she needs to confront her mom and I also don't think she needs to explain the relationship with her in laws.

In all seriousness, she needed to write that. And I personally feel that you all did her story justice and handled it with care! Great job as usual!

She absolutely should not confront her mother. There is plenty in her story that shows she is too far gone. I would say reach out to siblings after a while and try to urge them to keep their relationship with her private but other than that….shes doing right by letting it go. Build your own family with friends and through your children. It sucks but life is so much better not having to tiptoe and think about what an overly religious or narcissistic parent is going to say about it. If losing a child didn’t open her up, Mom is not changing for anyone.

Based on the part of the message about them having to keep the Sabbath from sun down on Friday to sun down on Saturday, she was likely raised Seventh Day Adventist. They are prominent in Jamaica, so her mother is likely Jamaican.

I would tell this young lady what my husband told me literally yesterday when I had to deal with a situation head on which was….”PROTECT YOUR PEACE!”

You guys should maybe write down the timestamp of things you need edited out so it’s not missed by the editor. The name was definitely not bleeped out 😅lol

the lady who wrote in should consider a career in writing. I was hooked! Even though it was so so long. Def need the editor to be paying more attention to the parts you want to be edited. Someone may be able to easily identify this person.

Answers from the writer of the email. Yes the mom is the Jamaican. The youngest brother passed by taking his life. The siblings didn't know how bad the situation had gotten with their younger brother but as the writer called them to say he passed they each revealed what they DID know. That is how she figured out that her mom was the most involved and kept it all as secret as possible.

I agree with Yvette. All the details were very much needed for that story. I wish nothing but healing and prosperity for that poor woman and her husband. I cannot imagine living in such a toxic family.

First time watching you. A) That entire email was relevant B) this was emotional and extremely important. I'm glad that she shared this.

The email was lonnnngggggg but I don’t mind her being thorough and detailed. I rather her give extra info as opposed to other emails where we have follow up questions due to things not being clear.

Wow!! What an awesome episode. This is breaking generational cycles!!! I'm glad you read it..all of what is written IS NECESSARY. I definitely can relate to a lot of this. Been there, gone through including suicide. I confronted and learned the best way for me was journaling and writing a letter + an actual licensed trauma therapist. If we Don't confront IN TRUTH.. this demonic cycle will continue. We have access to a healer!! We must do the hard work to heal ourselves. NO EXPLANATION REQUIRED!! Love from a DISTANCE. One day at a time, even through the guilt and the shame. Always remember God will ALWAYS make room of escape ♥️. Praying your healing even now!!

thank you for not shortening the email! i have ADHD + i listened (2x) to every minute + only had to rewind a few times from distraction. every word of that was necessary + important, especially for those of us dealing w| estrangement and|or toxic families. it was worth the 10 min (or i guess 5 in my case) read.

So glad y’all didn’t cut anything out of that story!

You are a good man. But I have to give props to wifey. The way yall talk to each other to understand, the way yall hold space for each other. Beautiful

That hmay sign in the back is a nice touch 🤌🏾

I stayed for the entire story!! Context was much needed!! lol

The VOID 😭😭😭😭😭 I feel it every day… knowing I’m not the only one makes my heart hurt for everyone else dealing with the void… but also gives me strength to keep moving toward healing.

My (not asked for) two cents about limiting the need for edits in post: Listening to full emails are great for context, but I would recommend y'all go through the email prior to the podcast. Read through it and edit out names/locations, and be prepped on the tone/flow of the author's words before reading it on the podcast. Absolutely LOVE y'all's podcast💖😊

One of the things that I find as a young adult extremely hard is to sit with the void that Yvette mentioned. And at the same time it's the trade off or the price you are paying for your freedom, for your peace of mind. And also the space you are making for new and better relationships.

I love Yvette. I am also so privileged to listen to Glenn give the male perspective. Because with both, we have whole and complete advice.

This is hands- down the best advice Beleaf and Yvette have offered on this Podcast 🙌

I CAN RELATE! At one point my mother was like that too. She has since toned it down and we have gotten better over the years but every so often her beliefs crept into everything. It felt like she would choose religion over us at times. I feel for this young lady, hoping she finds peace.

While having your children in the house while working from home may not be ideal, it made me smile to see yours pop in. You redirected them and they listened well, so it’s more of a cute cameo than a jarring disturbance. So relatable and I have no more excuses about making content when our daughter is home. 😊

Glenn, I agree with you! BOUNDARIES!!!! Speak truth. Freedom is beautiful.. and grateful to now be on this side. 🙌🏿 ❤

And as a survivor of childhood trauma and abuse from a person who has gone no contact with her family in my opinion it was best for me to get comfortable with not having closure and I'm learning that as an adult I get to set the definition of what family means to me and my husband is all I need and then I'm blessed with three beautiful goddaughters and their mother as my sister!

This podcast was so PHEN❤MENAL !! I think reading the entire email was NECESSARY to get a clear picture of the TRAUMA this Kenyan woman went through, as a child and a then as an adult. Thank you Yvette, and Glen for continuing to spread KN❤WLEDGE, and L❤VE through both this podcast, and your RU-vid platform ❤....

A little bit of spoiling is nice, but when you catch yourself doing too much, you just rein yourself in. You start a new and do better as a parent, spouse, friend, brother, sister, person we are constantly working on ourselves. Hang in there as life unfolds.❣❣❣❣❣

Definitely needed all the details for this entry. I feel as though if she left out parts, we wouldn’t have been able to grasp the context as well. This hit home, specifically for the women in my family. The writers words were so concise and heartfelt. I hope her and anyone who deals or who has dealt with toxic/narcissistic parents find some peace in this lifetime. Much love 🖤

Wow, lil dude's talking now! And he seems so sweet now! I take back what i said. Last time i saw him, he was frustrated and hitting himself and being grabby with things. Im guessing that was a phase you guys loved him out of. Man, I'm not there but i know that despite the tiring nature of it, your parenting will yield dividends in the future: adventurous and ambitious; happy adults. Your kids are so inquisitive and happy. It's a joy to see children ( especially Black children) happy & healthy and safe to be themselves. They're on the right track, i can tell!

I didn’t care for the movie. They almost lost me when they took the body out the casket!! LOL

The dopamine boost i feel when yall drop is actually wild 😅.

The background was very much needed. I grevup in the Adventist church. I have known over the years members like this mom. But I must say that kind of behavior is not what the religion stands for. Strict…yes. Non loving…no. I thank her for sharing what is behind the door of those who stand in an air religious superiority. I pray that healing and grave are in her families future.

Poor lady in the letter… what a nightmare she and her siblings lived through 😭. Thank God he heals, delivers and restores.

So glad to have you guys back!! ❤

As a former and dedicated Amazon & FedEx driver and having had to deliver to the middle of nowhere…You can have a secured delivery bin located by your mailbox; so that you can alleviate the drive to the post office. Most customers would have an Amazon/FedEx/UPS labels attached to the bin. This work if a signature isn’t required for delivery.

16:55 love this breakdown of the “cost” balancing kid’s needs vs a daily agenda

Guess who is back Stateside?!?! But not just back in the U.S. but also back in Cali!!! I'm so excited! Looking forward to getting caught up. I love that you all are on a farm!

Listen the woman is Jamaican and man is Kenyan

Yvette is me 😂 The bar stays high

Not me just learning that you can sing 😍

Meeting Tabitha Brown is CRAZY 😂 But aside from that, this conversation was exceptional and timely. I'm experiencing a very similar dynamic with my own family so I was tuned in from start to finish!

My husband and I just went no contact with my MIL. She and I have always had issues but I was able to at least respect her and not try to rile her up. She recently tried to fight me after finding out I wasn’t pregnant. We’ve been together 6 years and honestly it’s best to just… let them go. I love her cuz the Lord says so but she will not be around my children being dysfunctional nor do I deserve that kind of treatment. It can be difficult but do what’s best for your family. Doesn’t mean you have to harbor hate/anger just means you wish them well from a distance.❤️

Thank you for ALL the details, painted the picture well...crazy how can relate with some things but on a journey of healing and restoration..hoping for the same for this lady🙏

Family is meant to create and support life. It's also meant to be a defense against loneliness and solitude: if your birth family PERPETUALLY fails on these baseline measures of a successful family unit, then it might be a healthy hint and timely idea to find a new one

Yvette, don't snuff out the ability to dream big! If you can believe it, you can have it. Just go to Daddy God and ask him if it's part of his plan. No shade on you Glen. 😊

@39:50 She asked why he said that "in this moment" LOLOLOL but that was some much needed comic relief at the end of a sad story! I died!

I usually agree with both of you. However, as the child of an African parent, you are not understanding the depth of the situation. I lived this. I am now in the process of getting my life together and I’m practically 50. DO NOT try to work on the relationship with the abusive parent. DO NOT confront the abusive parent. You have to do more of a silent retreat into peace. And while there is an idea of weakness in the word “retreat”, this is more of a fade out action. The level of emotional devastation that can be inflicted by the abusive parent is much more immense than is easily understood. It is so not worth it. You can heal without it! It’s complicated and hard, but please learn from my mistakes. DO NOT bother getting into it with the abusive parent. The cultural differences in this situation have their own unusual dynamics and western culture does not really understand the depths of the brainwashing and manipulation. You have to fade out, minimize interactions at all cost, and yet still do just enough to keep a razor thin, thread of connection so as to not trigger the deep guilt you will feel if you break off all together. This is in the form of a quarterly phone call for 10 min using a literal timer. And then maybe semiannual calls that are 15 minutes. Send an Amazon package for gifts only on high holidays. That way you’re in it but still removed from it. The best boundary I developed was when something unkind is said to me, I go ring my doorbell for an excuse to get off the phone. That way, I am empowered to control my situation without the guilt that I have been brainwashed to feel. My life is much better, especially in the past few years. I hope this helps you. It’s all worth it to me if I can spare a person the pain that I endured for decades. 🙏🏾

I've just stumbled on your podcast, I've seen a few your stories & a lot of shorts. I'm definitely here for the podcast I'm only 1:08 into it & I'm here to stay. I so love your whole dynamic as a unit, & a family & I don't know your full story but EVERYTIME I see you guys it's just another confirmation that GOD is REAL, & LOVE is REAL. Thank you both for sharing your life, & giving hope in ALL things Good & most of all the Gems of knowledge that you both share. Thank you for being one of the families of color that are showing the world that we do exist despite what the media may show. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.❤

I love my parents but I had to cut them off… so I could be at peace and continue my journey of healing. Not everyone understands but it’s not for them to understand.

I see us growing and maturing and creating a safe space no matter the judgement of bystanders. ❤🎉 i love this for us. No contact 4 years for me

I actually LOVE the Chocolate Baby Interruptions! 😂❤❤❤

Mom is going to be mom whether confronted or not. Move on with your life, enjoy your husband, make sure your children enjoy all the good parts that you enjoyed as a child/adolescent/young adult and be thankful you're not too damaged to do so

I just found yall and this is good stuff. Yall drew me in with the intro 🔥 and then when the babies left the room " . . . You know having kids right... " 😂😂😂 just got a sub from me for these reasons alone

Honestly I feel like don’t waste your TIME explaining to someone who is “jealous” of you, and doesn’t like you. I have dealt with the SAME THING from my own mother. And for years I walked around asking what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t she love me? Why does she cuss me out and call me names. I am 45 and just started therapy 😢 It’s really the grace of God I made it this far been married for 18 years and we have 2 kids of our own. I DID NOT WANT TO CARRY that shit no more within me. Bro I tried to sit down and talk with this lady. She disregarded my experiences, the sexual abuse as a child and the things I experienced. HER RESPONSE TO ME WAS I DID THE BEST I COULD DO and WHEN YOU MOVED OUT at age 16 TO LIVE WITH YOUR GRANDMA THAT HURT ME….My spirit within myself literally said “she is not ready and will most likely never be ready” And that is when I discovered I don’t NEED THEM IN ORDER TO HEAL and I DONT NEED THEIR APOLOGY. My healing is personal. And if not now then when? And if not me then who will stand up for me and do this work? Nobody! This I know the seeds I sew and water with my tears will also be my harvest reaping healing in abundance for the next generation. It will be worth it.

Man, I can’t even listen to the podcast because I keep vibing to the intro!

Hahaha all kids are the same “can I call somebody on your phone?” Lol, my kids all the time!

I listened to the whole letter. 🙋🏾‍♀️

I listened to all that and it was very relevant. Ppl need to hear the UGLY details. When I tell ppl I'm not close to my mom they always ask why or say you only get one mom. It's not until I tell them how abusive she was to me as a child and how she wish death on my child when he was an infant that they say ohhh you should have been stop dealing with her. Btw that's the abbreviated version.

The hypocrisy of Seventh Day Adventist Church has ruined generations of mental and emotional health. There are silent generations of youth who are struggling and crumbling RIGHT NOW because of religious legalism. Especially in the Caribbean culture. Its sickening, i’m a victim, i know people who are victims, and we are on our way to freedom in Jesus name.

This was some timely for me !! Mr. Henry's response in speaking the truth and speaking against those distorted mindset we grew up was fortifying for me. May you all continue to be blessed and healthy inside out.

You know you love the intro when you smash the 👍🏾 as soon as they start the chocolate baby story time song 🥰

That was so good on so many levels - “ I rather accept them broken then not have them at all” I never put that into words but that is exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m glad yall gave me the verbiage. THEN. You topped it off with why accept it broken when have access to the ULTIMATE HEALER. MY GOD‼️

Unrelated but I saw Yvette and baby girl on the ad photos at DSW and it made me so happy to tell my son who y'all are.

Love your real life interactions with the kids. This is what parenting is everyday. ❤😊

As an adventist who keeps the sabbath. It definitely has to do with how the Sabbath was celebrated. I looked forward to the sabbath as a child. It means rest for all the work during the week, it means no school work ( I loved that). It meant coming together as a family for worship. It also meant spending Saturday all day at church, fellowshiping and having great uplifting spiritual conversations with church members over lunch. I still keep the sabbath because of how beautiful it was presented to me as a child and from scriptures. 😂 just know I am know of the nationalities mentioned

I really appreciate the wisdom and knowledge they both provided. Relationships are hard. They are a voice in the wilderness.

Religion aside Love doesn’t mean association. Forgiveness isn’t always easy. I believe the best course of action is to keep her at a distance. Focus on healing your inner child first because those issues with your mother can be passed down to further generations. If the root of the issue is not addressed and plucked out. I hope for the best. ❤️

Y’all facial expressions when the kids came in the room say so much and I understand what you are saying without any words….😂

I appreciate how yall kept the kids interruptions in lol

Glen👏minute 45 on yes 👏👏👏👏👏👏literally how I feel with my own in-laws but I still need to learn how and also my partner even though he sees it and he keeps distance these issues need to be talked about.

All info . But I LOVE how you see things differently. Thank you for sharing

This is my first time listening to this podcast. Great show! I appreciate the authenticity and balanced perspectives.

These ppl just make me smile.

1. It's good that you read the full story it gives context 2. This girl was telling my story and I feel for her 3. It's a difficult to process there is no answer out there. No one in the church or family will listen because I believe they only see the church cult and her Christianity as right. There's no way out but to STOP CONTACT. It doesn't heal the pain but it allows you to live.

If her plan is to confront her mother, prolonging that confrontation prolongs the effect she has on you. It prolongs your path to healing because you're still allowing her to have that power over you.

I applaud you both for everything you share. I want to encourage you that the delay in the light saver issue helps him to delayed gratification. It's good to have great expectations. I can't wait to see what Anaya does as she grows up.

Forget confronting the mom. Rebuilding relationships with her siblings would be more fulfilling. One sibling at a time.

What a very lovely episode! The yawning got me, but so well articulated and emotions shared. Thank you!

That letter was definitely not too long for me, in fact I could hear more. I also sympathize and think I might need to be vocal about some things myself.

Very good podcast! There is a lot to unpack and apply to many situations. Thank you👍🏾

I have been raised and currently practice what I believe is the religion of the OP. My mother is also this type of person and I have struggled with it but I have also found other members who were loving and kind. Hearing this kind of story makes me so sad and misrepresents the good and blessed things our church has to offer. I got therapy and decided to live my life only allowing God to be my critic. My life is Peaceful!