Jake: as soon as I get my license i’m out of here Alan: sure you can drive your girlfriend to Gymboree Jake: at least I can have a girlfriend Alan ( mimicking Jake): at least I have a girlfriend
The Anti jake jokes are great. Another very good is when he warns Charlie "we wouldnt have this problems if u just put a tv in my room" and charlies comeback is the Best "we wouldnt have this problems if i just put a python in your room" sick shit indeed, and Anti Evelyn scenes are great too.
Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on itMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shopBehind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wifeI was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they’re cramming for their final examMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quitHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniacIf you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that ageWe learn from experience that men never learn anything from experienceMarriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemyNever have more children than you have car windowsNever go to a doctor whose office plants have diedA computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxingHow many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my handDo not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it aliveAnalyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching televisionIf you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.'If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightningWhen I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the foreheadIf you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpesDon’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in AustraliaPolitical correctness is tyranny with mannersHe who laughs last didn’t get the joke.Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakesA bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill youru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ffIfPcX8T70.html
More to the point, apart from him not being able to write a title, he can't even upload a clip properly. All of them start and end often in the middle of a sentence.
