Kids With ADHD & Arguing - How To Handle It | ADHD Dude 

That's great, it shows how far you've come! :)

Thank you for sharing that. That's absolutely brilliant! As a parent, I'm going to put this to use!

@@TheCatsMeow101it’s a great parenting trick I remember learning when my baby was growing up. Remember “distraction” is key!

That's brilliant! I'm going to have to remember this one! More importantly I'm going to send it to my husband. So he can use it with me 😅

It is fabulous that you are working with your parents and that you are watching these videos for yourself as well.

Please check out the Behavior playlist, I think you'll find videos there that will be helpful.

The struggle is real 😅

same here,my daughter is 7

Same same same! 😢

Me too 😂

I'm with you, I don't like "Because I said so" either

I know it's a while after this comment was made, but if it's still relevant or if you're still around to read this, here's something that I do instead of just "because I said so" that feels better both for me and kiddo. I always try an explanation first, and then after that I'll just do as you said where I don't answer the same inquiry over and over after I've made my expectations clear. But if it's something where they can't possibly understand my reasoning yet because they just don't have the mental ability to comprehend it, I say "baby, do you trust me to take care of you?" (They always say yes to this, if not then the whole conversation about whatever you're doing must be put aside right away to have a conversation about trust). After they say yes I say, "Okay, then right now while you're little I need you to trust that mama/daddy has a good reason to ask you to do this, and I wouldn't make you do something that wasn't good for you, so please do what I ask." In short form on arguments with less time for babble, I will abridge it to "Just trust me please," when they're fighting me on something. It's always worked for me, but it might not work for everyone. I like this more though because it gives them agency and the assumption that you know they're well reasoned enough to be able to trust higher authority even if they don't understand their reasoning. Trust is the KEY though. This prevents them just blindly following "because I said so" from just any authority figure.

Often, I find that parents of intellectual kids who are highly skilled at arguing mistake their ability to form a compelling argument as maturity and rational judgment. Thank you for watching!

Same!

Yes! This is a great comment - although my kids are teens now and I wish I could go back and learn some of this stuff earlier, it’s still super helpful and this point you’re making here (or reiterating from the video) is exactly what I needed reminding of… it’s very difficult as a single mom of 2 ADHD teen boys as it is, but pile on the unfortunate fact that I also have ADHD and am self employed/work from a home studio (ie. Don’t have a whole lot of room in our shared spaces) and the arguments get pretty circular… at least they have decreased in occurrence as they mature & get older! (But perhaps have gotten even more sophisticated )… thankfully they are pretty darn good kids, or at least I think so compared to my own teen years 😅, so the arguments usually aren’t about big/heavy topics, more so little inconveniences like turning off the TV to clean dishes … I think being gifted at arguments is a common thing for ADHD’ers, either that or I just won the lottery with these guys 🙄😅

Same

I appreciate this comment.

Yes, definitely a problem for many adults with ADHD as well.

@@ADHDDude Yes. It can destroy relationships.

So glad you found the channel!

You're experience is not uncommon at all, I appreciate you sharing this. Thanks for watching.

Thanks for watching!

Hang in there....and please check out the "Behavior" playlist at my RU-vid channel.

Yes, that's why I teach to not get pulled into the "reasoning vortex".

Thank you so much and I appreciate you sharing that advice, it's very important for parents to hear it, I fully agree.

Yes, it's very common :)

I'm in the same boat, i am very greatful for this advice I thought it was just me and am absolutely exhausted.

I’m dealing with this now. Everyday is exhausting.

Same! Named him “the debater” as well as negotiator.

Exactly!

I always say our professional experience doesn't mean much when it comes to our own kids. I have a section in Scaffolding Better Behavior, my Parent Behavior Training program called: Noise, Learned Helplessness and Emotional Manipulation. As well as one called: The argument/reasoning/negotiation vortex.

Thank you so much for watching.

Thank you so much!

Thank you for watching!

Thank you I really appreciate it!

Thank you!

Thank you for watching!

Thank you for watching!

Thank you! 😄

Thank you, I really appreciate you watching.

Thank you for watching!

I appreciate that!

Thank you!

You got this!

You bet!

Yes I have several where I talk about persevering through non-preferred tasks.

Yes, it's based in difficulty with flexibility, which is part of exeutive functioning.

Great tip!

That's called emotional manipulation. I cover how to respond to this in Scaffolding Better Behavior, my Parent Behavior Training program.

Thank you for watching

I like that. :)

Absolutely, it's exhausting (coming from firsthamd experience).

Thank you for watching

:)

Glad you're finding them helpful and I appreciate you letting me know.

You got this!

You bet

Glad to hear it :)

Thank you Michelle! All videos are categorized into playlists so the best thing to do is search under the playlist for topics that might interest you. Also, please feel free to join the ADHD Dude Facebook group if you're not there already.

Was in mine as well, until I learned the hard way :)

thank you!

Thanks so much for watching. :)

One of my favorite lines :)

Thank you, this videos is 4 years old, I've upgraded my equipment since then.

I can understand why you wouldn't like it and appreciate your understanding 👍

Hi Addisyn, maybe you can show her the channel, it might help if she hears this from an adult who has worked with kids with ADHD for a really long time.

Yes, that's called "reactive parenting" and if you want her to change, you need to change you behavior. This is why parent training, not individual therapy is the recommended, evidence-based treatment for kids with ADHD. Parent Training is provided through the ADHD Dude Membership Site: www.adhddudecourses.com

In this video I explain the learned helplessness which you describe: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-3TD4EGjzlOQ.htmlsi=VrYThbd32ZNOIYOQ

Yes, and to your point - there's nothing wrong with explaining things to kids, yet when explaining is not accompanied with clear limits & boundaries when needed, that's when parents undermine their own parental authority. I find that the gentle parenting approach is often misinterpreted as a justification for permissive parenting.

@@ADHDDude I understand. I’m still learning how to “master” gentle parenting. I would say I’m generally gentle, just struggle with the arguing.

There you go :)

Yes, please check out the videos in the "Behavior" playlist. I also teach how to deal with this in Scaffolding Better Behavior & Self-Confidence, my Parent Behavior Management program in the Membership Site.

Please check out the behavior playlist here at the channel.

😁

Please visit the Behavior playlist here at the channel.

That's a great point, I appreciate you saying that.

Thanks for watching!

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-TkWYGFhKe8U.htmlsi=y55zrGglPp_e1U9V

Thank you

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-TkWYGFhKe8U.htmlsi=mvZYk3KeytRBrK3K

I cover this in Scaffolding Better Behavior & Self-Confidence, my Parent Behavior Training program.

My son too. A 15 year old having full on raging then tragic suicide threats. All because his hour of minecraft is up. Daily, I might add

I was using this technique...and it used to work previously but now ...seems he is growing and managing his emotions are difficult..he chose to start using his hands and hitting instead of arugging.. any recommendations

Well it takes two people to argue :)

Same premise :)

You can make the choice not to argue. I have two recent videos about this on my channel.

You can put in subtitles for videos on RU-vid, I would tell you how if I knew, but I'm not sure.

You don't give attention to negative behaviors that are meant to try to control you.

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-DicsxGyqbkA.htmlsi=l5MynhkMTJ8tC99-

If you're a member of the membership site in Executive Crash Course Webinar 3 I teach how to help kids transition off of video games without a fight. If the Scaffolding Better Behavior series I teach how to change negative behaviors such as tantrums. If you're not familiar with the membership site you can learn more at: www.adhddudecourses.com

1. I'm not an "advice guru"; I'm a licensed professional with extensive training in my field but I do agree with you. 2. I do tell people exactly what to do, which is why thousands of members of the membership site exist. 3. This video may be helpful: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-rJzopijeABQ.htmlsi=I_AeQwDFj0xvfk7J

The sooner you stop getting pulled into the "argument vortex" the less he will argue. I teach how to not get pulled into it in Scaffolding Better Behavior, my Parent Behavior Training program.

Iam exhausted and Iam trying to stop cussing and screaming I have even trying talking clam. the arguing back and forth I need help when I tell him to do something he does the opposite most of the time not always. He is a sweet kid he a gentleman and a helper but if I tell him to bring the ps4 out of his room because he hasn't clean his room or because I said so he will say no he will try to stop me and just wants to argue and I need help we both have adhd and anxiety and at times I feel like he tries to manipulate me he doesn't do to my husband he respect him if he tells him to do something most of the time he will and my husband doesn't have adhd or anxiety if he knows he around he will try no to argue with me

Sorry :)

Video is 4 years old, I have newer ones on the topic

It does require two people to argue. Her arguing doesn't need to be met with a response or attention. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-3HP8Cx3R5wI.htmlsi=_C8ilD2uonEh83O3

@@ADHDDude I was an Adult with undiagnosed ADHD and PTSD at the time. She is 30 now. I learned how to talk with her not argue. She argued over things while I was talking to her. I knew arguing with her was pointless and it would escalate. I would help her to calm down and then we talked.

You're welcome!