I think you're right mostly because they were abused and that's all they know, it's what 'love' looks like for them. But in the case of narcissistic abuse they definitely do know what they're but just don't care and aren't able to.
@@priscillaeyles3301 I dont think they do it because they think it's love, I think they do it for a power trip and then claim they were doing it with good intentions
@@iluvbears4861 Agreed, but when you look at what the numerous witnesses say (not only the Woman here in this Video who saw Tonya's mother knocking her off a Chair), she definitely was both. According to Tonya Harding herself (in various interviews and in her book "The Tonya Tapes and I believe her) her mother constantly called her names, said that she was fat and ugly and wouldn't amount to anything and made her feel guilty for everything. (and I know how it feels... was also abused emotionally and verbally and sometimes physically).
same with me,, I had a violent mother and I attracted a violent husband into my life,,if your childhood is violent then you attract violent people into your life as a adult,,
I'd say Allison's performance makes Lavona out to be more outright and consistently nasty and morose than she is in reality, but I do believe she was abusive in real life and would've been quite nasty behind closed doors.
"She was probably angry with herself because she hadn't won and used me as an outlet." Ahh wonderful narcissistic deception. It wasn't what I said/did, it was what you thought I did/said.
I agree with you. Also, her mother implied through her Statement that Tonya faked the conversation when she told About the phone call afterwards. If she could have done that, she would not only be a world class skater but a world class actress to boot which I don't think she is. When she said "no, it didn't" she was clearly on the verge of Tears.
Same. My mother was mentally and emotionally abusive, and sometimes a little bit physically as well. She never once took accountability and admitted to anything.
Her mother was acting in this interview. Indeed, a brilliant performance. They need to give Sandy the Academy Award (Sorry, Allison!) for this 'good mother' act in front of the cameras bit. I believe Tonya. Children do NOT hate their parents without a cause. That girl was abused. If you're reading this, I'm glad you found happiness in this life, Tonya.
Narcissistic personality disorder. Even making sure in advance that if Tonya won gold it felt hollow. I have an NPD mother. Their claws never come fully out of you, pulling you back, pullig you down, while they claim to be your biggest supporter, the only person who's truly loyal and understands you. This interview is classic. The mother uses words that sound like they are backing her daughter up, but the whole thing is dripping with self martyrdom, and prophecy of failure for Tonya. Which mom seethes over and also relishes by sighing and saying "well I did everything I could, (all alone with no one understanding us, poor me) but guess it wasn't enough" (because the kid wasn't). Also notice how she both hesitated and energized when comparing herself to Tonya regarding the abusive spouse. It wasn't about abuse or suffering, hope for freedom from it. It was judgment of Tonya by doing something her mother did once, way back before she learned better. Gleeful to attach the child to her through something sick and ugly. To keep Tonya feeling sick and ugly. And Tonya ended up isolated and vilified by millions. Score, mom! That's the goal. Slander and isolate through faux concern. Elicit the aid of "flying monkeys". The more people who applaud, but then judge the target the better. It always has that feel "the poor sad broken loser with so much wasted potential" The judgment of everyone further reinforces the singular dependence of the child for the Narcissist. Allowing for even more intense abuse. Listen to her, she reveals her truth with a twinkle in her eye: "Not *physical* abuse". NPD is destructive and twisted and psychotic beyond explanation. I believe people with it.. their brains are "wired" differently. This interview makes me want to shower. Sick soul-blighted woman.
Juliette De Maso sorry sweetie 😔 I also have a narcissistic mother. It’s been over a decade that I went no contact, and I have zero regrets. I even moved to another city, and cut off my entire family, because my maternal grandmother is an enabler. She always made excuses for my abusive mother. With people are like this, it’s best to cut them off. No looking back.
8:36 As someone who has worked with abusive parents I can say that this is very common for these parents to defend themselves by talking about the material provisions they've given their child and not understanding that abuse/neglect is usually absence of love.
The fact that multiple witnesses have reported seeing this psycho beat her daughter in public has to make you wonder what happened when there wasn’t a rink full of other parents and skaters present. Say what you will about Tonya, but it sure seems like she’s accurate at least in describing this woman.
Catherine S 11-year-old girl wanted to report after seeing her hit with a hair brush and they said not to go to child services because her skating career would be gone
Skyelar EmeryEagle yeah that’s in the price of gold. That was so widely known that Lavona had to admit to that one but so many people have reported different incidents that are just as crazy.
My thoughts exactly. If her mother had no control over beating her with a hairbrush in a bathroom over not landing jumps, God only knows what this toxic sociopath did to her behind closed doors.
Seeing this there's no doubt her mother was emotionally abusive. emotional abuse is no less horrific snd debilitating as any other abuse. It destroys lives. Tonya never had a chance at a normal successful life.
I agree with you. But she also was physically abusive, even if she denies most of it. The Woman in this interview who watched LaVona slapping Tonya off a Chair was not the only witness. But yes, emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. I speak from experience :(
@Karen Reed: From recent interviews I get the Impression that she has accepted what has happened and herself but still feels the pain. That's no contradiction in my opinion, for me it's the same (after years of therapy). There's a line from one of my favorite songs ("Everything Right is wrong again" by They Might Be Giants): "The healing doesn't stop the Feeling". And that's okay.
I absolutely loved Allison Janney in "I, Tonya" ... but after watching this I gotta say that Jane Lynch could've played a dead ringer for her mother! But seriously, I believe Tonya was a victim of circumstance. It's a shame that she isn't remembered for her remarkable talent.
annagitana1 You were sucked in by media and other outlets as well. Who tf are you to say Tonya knew about the attack?! You just as foolish in your assertion that Tonya had any knowledge! Who tf are you!? N O B O D Y
They wanted to make "I, Nancy" but it would be too expensive to pay Disney for the use of Mickey Mouse in the "This is so corny scene." at the Disney Olympic parade.
I remember her for her remarkable talent. This movie will dredge it all up again, and I'm glad. She nailed the triple as the first woman American in comp, so she's historical. This whole thing with Stone, and the other hooligans, was a black mark for all. Doesn't change my mind one bit about her being the best at that time. Good for her, and I hope she got some good money.
My mother always abused me, destroyed my life, i got saved only when i surrendered my life to Christ, He took all the pain away and renewed my life. I was able to move on and forgive her. I pray for all of those who endured this horrible pain , there is a way.
Poverty is a very tough thing to grow up with. In my opinion the mother probably abused her but she was probably abused herself so she's unable to tell where the line is.
I think Tonya was damaged and was under pressure. She was in a violence environment ever since she was a girl. Violence was such a natural thing for her. Besides I have been in a sick relationship, I know what it’s like to be with somebody and fight every day. You just can’t leave them.
@Karen Reed : Noone put a gun to her head, yes, but her traumatic experiences made it much more difficult for her to act rational or not self-destructive. I DON'T mean that as an excuse for everything that went wrong in Tonya's life or any bad decision (though I tend to believe her that she heard only some vague Statements not definite enough to got to the Police with that she didn't take seriously and after the attack she might been afraid of Jeff Gillooly), just as an Explanation. yes, Maybe she practiced not enough for a while etc. but I think that it wasn't just a lack of self discipline but also her Problems with Gillooly (and he WAS abusive) that affected her.
I truly believe Tonya was loved but abused by her mother. but her mother defends her at every stop and turn, that's a mother, and you only get ONE mother.
Her mom seems crazy! she doesn't remember because she was probably drunk at the times! seeing any footage from 1994 makes me so sad for Tonya, how sad that time must have been. all she ever wanted was to skate
What amazes me is when Lavona said she had three other children before Tonya. And she's been married 4 times. I can only imagine what the other children turned out to be like.
If you look at Tonya's mom over the long haul of her life, it seems as if the word "discontent" would fit rather well. Married four times is a good indicator you'd think. In light of that, it's not that much of a surprise that she couldn't see Tonya's efforts for what they were. I have a younger brother that was pushed around by a parent...a lot. And I saw it all. He survived, and by the Grace of God, is a solid man today. One of the best. But, it took that parent until the age of 75 to even admit anything about what happened 45 years ago. And even then, it wasn't without an excuse. To this day most think the world of that parent. Only the kids know the truth. I know that Tonya's mom was a monster at home. I know it. There's no way LaVona would admit that on camera nowadays. She knows her life is ebbing away, and leaving an image of an abusive parent, on camera mind you, as her lasting legacy, just ain't gonna happen. It was so long ago, but there's so many people that can relate to Tonya's home life that her life, and image, live on. Mostly because she beat the odds and set a point in history that nobody can deny. It was on camera, and in front of the world; and nobody can take that away from Tonya. It gives hope to anyone who has suffered an abusive childhood, as it should.
@@gisazurnieden9058 And the sad thing is that it does become a motivator (abuse). I strived to be an overachiever because of that motivation, but it is something that you really never get over when do you have a parent with NPD.
02:36 omg she really is skating to Snap’s “The Power” or is it a background TV report music? I’d love to see her performance to this song, it is right up her alley.
I really believe that Tonya's mom wanted her to succeed but was going about it the wrong way. I mean she brought her to practice and competitions and stayed there with her and at the wee hours of the morning and worked for her skating. There are a lot of parents who don't foster a child's talent like that. Who knows maybe that's why she was abusive or thought that was the best way to do it. Doesn't excuse the abuse but I'm just saying.
nano411 Tonya's mom didn't do it for Tonya but for herself! Tonya's mom was a sorry excuse of a parent and failed at her life completely (4 husbands?) And decided to have her revenge to the world pushing her daughter to her limits
It would be a tradegy if the movie's portrayal wasn't accurate and totally defamed tonya's mother. What if tonya was a supreme narcissist? What if tonya's mother was dangerously trying to live through her daughter and made bad mistakes because of it but isn't pure evil?
The portrayal of Tonya's mother in the movie seems to be mostly accurate. If anyone, SHE probably is a narcissist. There is another (recent, after the movie "I, Tonya") intervies with LaVona where she talks in a very negative way About Tonya (actually badmouthing her), much more negative than Tonya talks About her in recent interviews.
On the other hand, Von Kehrigen blew her own career by agreeing to host SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE when she got back from the Olympics. Her hosting was lousy, her acting was lousy, and worst of all, her singing was lousy!
I watched I, Tonya...and they never showed Lavonya saying anything nice to Tonya...in this show her mom told her many times positive things, not saying she was not abusive, but in these recordings she seems supportive at times.
These clips of the Mom at the rink watching Tonya shows a nicer side. She's saying she's proud of her when she comes off the ice, clapping, and smiles as she watched her. In the movie the mother doesn't even smile once.
Being sometimes "nice" and than again mean in turns makes the abuse even worse... as an abused child you never know when Lightning will strike but you know it eventually will hit you... I speak from experience :(
What Tonya Harding was given she didn't deserved she obviously deserved a punishment for having a prior knowledge of some sort if not fully about the attack but she actually wasn't involved in it and I think didn't deserve a lifetime ban from figure skating
You SERIOUSLY think she didn't plan it with her hubby??!! I got some prime real estate to sell you. Now, ITA she had a hellish upbringing. But I also think she totally knew and helped plan it!
She definitely didn't and doesn't deserve the life-long ban. She should be able to skate and Coach again. I found this very good article with an Analysis of the "hard" evidence against Tonya, coming to the conclusion that it is actually very shaky. mahonblog.com/b14jan26.htm
This was her public face/act. What she did to Tonya behind closed doors is another Thing. And if she was sometimes nice and sometimes mean and abusive, that makes it even worse. Because you can never feel really safe. Trust me, I speak from experience (was also abused).
She did so much w/the bare minimum. Figure skaters usually come from upper middle class 2 parent homes. And sooooooo many leading advantages to b perfect. To ya was poor, abused, came from a broken home/deeply broken parents, she trained in a public mall, had to work at restaurants , repair her own cars. Figure skating association screwed her hard.
The simple answer is because getting the gold is all about getting sponsors. The objective of winning gold is getting sponsors to secure her future (after skating). If she couldn't get sponsors, she could not have a secure retirement. If that was the case then outside of the glory there was no reason for her to want the gold. And she's right. That was a lifetime of work wasted. Their sponsors are basically their "return on investment" for their lifetime work. All athletes want those sponsors. ALL of them.
Recently (May / 2021) I watched the film about Tonya Harding's story (I, Tonya) I was very sad about Tonya's life story (I think she was a victim and not the villain, of course, if the film was the truth) about what happened
I just watched I, tonya. I have also done some research on the incident as well through the years lol I think there is a scene in I Tonya that sums her up pretty well, and that's when she comes over to tonyas "comforting" her and then asks her all innocently "did you know about the hit on nancy?" And Tonya realizes her mom has a tape recorder in her pocket.... just wraps her personality up in a neat little package haha IMO
Tonya’s Mother is comparable to the MAD tv, Stuart Larkin’s “mother”, Darlene Larkin, “Ohhh now, Tonya” Tonya: “Look what I can DO”! *triple axel* 💖⛸⛸⛸💖
This is the time where I do feel Lavona is telling the truth about Tonya not being involved in Nancy's attack. I don't think Tanya had anything to do with that.
@5:54 . I love how she gets defensive and adamant she wasn't abusive. By getting agitated and firm on the topic she proves she was abusive. @6:55. Chung: "So You did spank her" Golden:"Swat...Swat is not spank..." (In a Firm Agitated Voice). Lol
According to some articles and interviews (e.g. the fact-check for "I, Tonya" on Vulture) it is true, but it didn't happen in Tonya's home, but at the rink.
Just as the insane wouldn’t know if she’s insane, an abuser may not define or know their behavior is abuse and try to justify it. I know it all too well. I was abused as a child and all my pursuants felt what they did was justified. It’s a horrible cycle. It’s a sickness...Fortunately, I ended my cycle. I went to years and years of therapy. I’m very familiar with her mother’s attitude. My mother wasn’t physically abusive but was emotionally abusive. Somehow by the grace of God, her attitude has changed but my childhood was “interesting”...
She didnt change my dear. These snakes are very smart and manipulative. As they get older and need us they act different. But as soon as they can they will kick us in the floor
I also think the mother and Tonya are great actresses. They both had tough lives. Not an excuse, just an observation. Tonya knew about it. It's been made clear and believable by Stone. He has no reason to lie. He'd rather say she was innocent. I don't think it matters that much. She was coerced by hooligans and I doubt she had very much time to be very involved. Stone says he came up with it, and carried it out. I hope she got cash. Bottom line and few hand claps. She hit the triple first.
His reason to lie was a plea deal and to get even with Tonya for giving him up to the FBI. He later sold a private video of them to further humiliate her.
the bottom line is Tonya Harding is STILL not speaking to her mother and hasn't done for years - if it was misunderstandings within a healthy normal relationship she would have no reason to cut her mother off completely - you don't do that just because you were womped once on the behind when you were 11
The skating commission was wrong to ban her for life from making living off her sport. Maybe five yrs but not life. Many athletes done worse were fined and life goes on. Look at Pete Rose. Harding should have sued the figure skating commission and het jealous husband who ruined her future. Had he been a supportive spouse would have never risked Tanyas career. As for Mom well all the abuse with hairbrush was heresay and nothing more.
Yes..The Skating Association was WRONG..NOT LIFE BANNED...who does that She did not club Kerrigan.. The punishment was worst than the CRIME..LIFE KERRIGAN WAA BACK SKATING IN 2 WEEKS SICK.. VERY SICK. LOGIC !!!!!!!!!
Tonya was a hard core COMPETITOR. Knocking out one of her top Competitors like Nancy K would only DIMINISH her Win. Tonya was always capable of beating Kerrigan and HAD in the past. IMO Kerrigan was no great shakes - a boring and clunky Skater - she just LOOKED the part. Tonya just didn't have the POLISH a big Brand like the US Skating World and Olympics wanted and still want. The one thing wrong that Tonya did was keep INSISTING that Skating ABILITY & PERFORMANCE should be the only element Judged. Her stubborn insistence was how she overcame her odds as well and sadly, her inevitable demise.
Tonya was hated because she was poor, tough and not pretty enough. Decades later, because of a movie, we can hate Tonya's mother. People NEVER learn. They accuse and meanwhile have no compassion themselves. A single mother, a waitress with several kids. She must have been exhausted. Year after year after year. Who knows what she's survived. If she wasnt like steel she would have broken into pieces. Judge less, be kind more.
Her mother deserves all the judgment she gets. Tonya was molested and terrorized by her half brother and this piece of work sided with the brother telling her not to protect herself legally. He went to prison any way and was killed by a hit and run incident shortly after being released. He was probably determined to murder Tonya for ultimately defending herself. This family was an utter nightmare.
I think a lot of commenters hating the mother are hugely influenced by her movie portrayal, which was mostly finction. There was surely something unhealthy in the family since Tonya cut contact with her mother later and even does not want het to meet her grandchild. That is probably the best indicator that there was possibly abuse, but how it was really? No one will ever know for sure other than those two I guess. The same can be said about N. Kerrigan incident. Only sure thing is that Tonya was punished really unjustly and harsh, having been completely prohibited from skating. Her knowledge of planning the attack was never proved, imho it was an excuse to get rid of her for good by snobbish skating community. Such shame, she was incredibly talented and worked so hard ... :(
I believe her mom was hard worker in order to help support themselves and to help Tonya continue skating but she still did abuse Tonya which wasn't right. She did care for her if she was working everyday even though she did horrible things. My point is I feel she isn't entirely evil mostly but not entirely.
What I don’t get is in the beginning, her mother seems happy, smiling and clapping for her but the movie made it seem like she was resentful, bitter, and unimpressed all the time.
She tells on herself. "Not abusive. Physically abusive". That seems like she had in her head verbally abusive at least. The footage of Tonya on the phone at 15 is telling. LaVona discredits it. She denies everything. Abused. Married abuse. It was a pattern. LaVona you will need to deal with the damage you did. I believe Tonya here. She's a fighter. I love it. Kerrigan can shove it.
For the public ,I firmly stand by my views as stated and again in NO way am I calling Tonya a liar,I am simply stating that everything seems VERY one sided,...it's all from TONYA's perspective....and that's where the story ends ,thus it seems.
Just imagine the entire mall looking at you while you're supposed to focus on practicing your Olympic programs... The media made her into a circus animal or freak show for the public to see. At least Nancy got to practice in a normal ice rink so she didn't get distracted.
