maybe that person just doesn’t know how to coherently say what they are thinking? that happens a lot when talking about philosophy because it’s a lot to think about.
One thing that caught my attention is when Damon said “but what if that one person completes you, maybe just not sexually or romantically”. I think this can be a dangerous mindset. No one should “complete” you. You should be in a relationship for the love, not the completion. The only one who can truly complete yourself is you.
I would LOVE to hear her process on how she made it to Europe and how she makes a stable living there as a 19 year old. Because sis is looking to move to Europe also.
as a 22 year-old, I am truly comforted and grateful for such sessions. I mean, I could barely find someone where I am now that could transparently discuss such topics. Also, a lot of wisdom shared in a 20+ min video. thanks.
Also, I agree there is a fear of us being alone and living that ways says something negative about you. Not true, we may not all thrive to be a “couple” or find “the one”. Everyone doesn’t want kids! And your life isn’t any else well lived or accomplished if you are solo/single. You’re life is and will be fulfilled in any capacity. This was great guys.
Hi can we hang out please i live in Paris I’m Australian lived in Paris 5 years 34 years old Gemini gluten sensitive red wine conversation advocate emotionally damaged but totally under control anything else you want to know hmu
I don’t think there’s anything harmful to be attracted to other people while you are in a relationship, but at the same time I remember that when I was in a relationship I wasn’t paying attention to the attractiveness of other guys. I wasn’t in a healthy relationship, but I just felt like I didn’t had to “look” for someone else anymore (like we keep checking on people when we are single), so I don’t know.. I think is less about labels and more about communication and being in the same step. Sharing how you feel, understanding, being emphatic and compromising. Problem is: most of the people don’t. People lack of emotional maturity. They don’t wanna talk about stuff that hurts, so they never solve those problems.
This is a good time to share my favourite quote about love: "C’est donc un amoureux qui parle et qui dit: Je m’abîme, je succombe…" "So it is a lover who speaks and who says: I am engulfed, I succumb..." (better in french isn't it?) From Roland Barthes in Fragments d’un discours amoureux
I think it depends on how you lay out the foundation of your relationship. For me personally, I think its easier to introduce something like an open relationship when you're just starting to date versus 5 years down the line. Or at least the idea of blurred lines. That way when you would like to put it into practice later on, your partner doesn't feel like its because you're unsatisfied with them.
Wow...you guys made me realize that I'm not actually crazy for wanting to be different and move away from my parents expectations of me. My parens can't seem to wrap their heads around the fact that I actually love Europe much more than North America! I'm in tears now, and I need to Shut up and Get the hell outta here! xoxo
Society's belief that women's only inherent value is to have children just blows my mind. I feel like that thought is shifting, but we're still here and people still trying to push the baby agenda
We’re trying to find love because it’s in our nature. We can’t help it lmao. I want to say its instinctual. And that’s why I stopped beating myself up for being in love with love.
Love has so many levels to explore, don’t let age be the reason you don’t explore yourself. Also I’m in my 30’s and now want to explore sex and sexual relationship now more than ever! Damon and Malaika do you! I’m reminding myself life is too short and you can’t live it for others! Salud!!
I don’t want labels, I like someone, but I don’t wanna tie myself down to them, just as I don’t want them to tie themselves down to me. Life is short, I don’t wanna stop them or make them stop me stop from meeting new people and missing out on making amazing connections with other people. My heart is big enough for me to love more than one person. 🥺 𝐼𝓉’𝓈 so complicated though because not everyone understands that. Even in open relationships there’s still so much complications and jealously, it’s like they want the freedom on their end but not on yours. (In my personal experience) moral of the story relationships aren’t easy; regardless of them being monogamous or not.
I've had such a different experience in the US. People are so scared of labels... they love to say things like "we're talking" but never want to say what we are, because as long as "we're talking" but not actually "dating" it keeps things open without having an honest conversation about being open. I'm in an area where people love NSA action and hookups and FWBs but no one wants to be in a committed relationship. Also change and permanence is the nature of things. Show me a permanent state of self! Where she at??
Girl you 19 ???? I thought u were like 23 at least :-0 not cause you look old but you are really mature and smart and cool ! I’m 19 and I’m a mess lol I’m inspired, you go girl !!! 💖 great video guys
This is hard to swallow LOL...it's obviously en ego thing but I just need to be the only one, I don't like competition. I don't want to talk to my true love about their interest in another person... maybe its the scorpio in me or a deep-rooted insecurity. I would love to hear more thoughts on the topic especially damon's way of viewing open relationships. It doesn't sound fun, but I really do want to be an evolved human being and get more comfortable with the idea haha
I get what you mean. For me it's that I want to be the person that knows them the best. Maybe it's selfish but I don't want people to have more time than me with that person.
I don't believe in astrology or any of that, but I am a Scorpio. I think it's okay for my partner to say a woman looks nice, sometimes I'll ask him what he thinks about another woman. I am confident in our relationship and confident in him. It's always a respectful interaction, too! If you do embark on this, that's the key! We are not in an open relationship and we don't desire to be. But you do have to be very confident in yourself and in your relationship to allow this sort of thing. Yes, insecurities will hold you back. And also... I'm not asking him every 5 minutes about if a woman looks nice and vice versa. It's an occasional thing.
@@jnewmark41 Don't equal monoggamy with being "evolved" (whatever that means, probobly not a scientific def). There are plenty different reasons to be monogamous, some healthy some really toxic, so saying that they are all legit almost holy can be dangerous. But of course open relationship or polyamory is also neither "evolved" or "barbaric", it's all about the quality of the relationship(s)/maturity of the persons involved.
Airraca Lee if you have to ask your partner if the woman is attractive to them, then you already know the answer. Why put the emphasis on a wandering eye? Everyone looks because we have eyes.
4:33 is so true. I've been trying to explain this to people, attraction is attraction. Just because you're in a relationship, it doesn't mean that I stop being attracted to other people.
executing an open relationship successfully is much more complex that agreeing with the idea in theory... i think that's why you're not seeing it as a more common thing. for the vast majority of us, it flies in the face of our social conditioning and so even if you agree with it, you still have this gut reactions that make it a tough thing to work through. imo, anyway.
Maybe it's because I was raised in a certain way but the way I see it is if someone is thinking of someone else while being with someone. Why are they with them in the first place? Look, I do not believe in open-relationships. I have not being in one nor do I want to be in one. But that's me. I encourage, however, everyone to know themselves first, "explore" (though I do think that's just a euphemism for being promiscuous but you do you boo!) and then evaluate what exactly is that you're looking for. Being in love is not having wild sex, or being PHYSICALLY attracted to someone. I really do love this definition for love. I wholeheartedly agree with that "love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. Love is not rude, is not selfish. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures." Damon said that monogamous couples have the same risk of losing someone like anyone in an open relationship. I don't think so. Sure, people can cheat! But then, there wasn't love there in the first place. See, when you're truly in love, no matter how attractive, how charming, how intelligent a different person may be; if you're truly in love with your partner, you won't notice that other person. It really is that simple. I still have yet to meet a single open-relationship that endures years, all the way till they're old.
Joe Morales some great points, I also agree that I have yet to find someone who has been in an open, happy, stable relationship for years and years. One night flings, marriage, dating, real love and relationships are all different of course, and not everybody’s thing for sure. But open relationships don’t seem to last long, and make you feel diminished in self worth because y’all aren’t committed to each other in any way.
I don't understand why it's the wave to critic monogamous relationships or allude it to being old fashioned or rooted in religion to promote open relationships. Why can't people just do what they want instead of imposing their ideals on other people? It's so annoying.
@@joemorales643 I'm talking about those who criticise people who prefer monogamy just to promote open relationships. I've noticed that this is becoming a thing, and I just find it weird. I was just piggy backing off of what you were saying and adding my own point that's all.
This is interesting. I think both open & closed relationship people can overthink this stuff too much. I believe if all parties are all for what's going on in the relationship, and no one is getting harmed (*cough* Mason Family *cough* Bonnie & Clyde *cough*), then it's an ideal relationship.
i swear when malaika started talking about being "younger" i felt like we have had parallel lives !! so many people ask me when i'm moving back to the states etc... big hell yeah to all the teens that move across the globe by themselves always feels like i'm hanging out with old friends when i watch this channel
Married 12 years with two kids and I still enjoy listening to people talk about love. It has a very different meaning for me now, but it’s always so interesting to hear other’s perspectives.
Love that you brought up the age thing. I’m 22 and one of my closest friends is 29 and I often forget about the gap until other people bring it up. 🤷🏽♀️
Damon. Damn. This is what I want every single Friday of my life to be. Red wine and deeeep shit (pretending to be juuust a little tipsy but actually glad to open up). Also. This reminds me of my college days when we (me and my flatmates) would sit up all night exploring ideologies, opinions and stuff. Damn I miss it.
I studied in Paris when I was 20 and am now 27. Watching this was like listening to my 20-year-old self and my 27-year-old self have a conversation and still be on the same page with each other. Don't let anyone make you feel like your experiences are less than because you're younger. Being thoughtful about your life and your choices is something to be respected at any age.
And I feel like open and closed are totally different in the purpose. Open seems to be mainly for fun, discovery, sex, and company, whereas closed is more serious (and at times jealous) in nature. It depends on motives. but one thing I’ve noticed is open doesn’t last long, and seems to toy with self worth because nobody is committed so it can get weird. But then closed often has trust and loyalty issues so it depends again, neither one will guarantee a happy relationship. 🤔
The talk on having babies and/or being gay is so real and reminded me of the Food 4 Thot podcast. There’s an episode called “the future is gay ad hell” on how being gay & failing is anti capitalist and it just warms my heart. Legit y’all make me want to drop everything and move back to Europe 🤙
PREACH!!! I agree with what she's saying about not being a placeholder, if someone doesn't see you worth or if they don't want to be with you or want to look to long, that's on them not on you!
This was a great conversation but I think there is weight to the argument that you can’t be in love with more than one person. Love takes time and effort to build and maintain and I feel that there genuinely isn’t a way to keep up being in love with more than one person long-term when you have a career or are consistently traveling. I think that is why people who are polyamorous tend to have one primary partner, someone who you can share intimate details of your life with, without having to recap the same events with multiple people, because that could leave you feeling drained. Also can we talk about how eloquent Malaika is?! I could listen to her talk all day
Really happy to see this video come up in my feed. These last couple years in my relationships have been turbulent, and I’ve just been having a weird, confusing depressive moment for a while, so I haven’t been viewing these videos as much, but I still love y’all 🖤
HER was amazing!!! Love this video. It's refreshing to know that other people are going through this right now as well. I just turned 30 and had only been a serial monogamist through all of my 20s ( 3yr, 6yr, 1yr). This summer was the first time that I actually dated multiple people and it was incredibly liberating to have casual relationships for the first time. Honestly, the next decade I plan on traveling the world and being single and enjoying life until a person comes along that matches more of what I truly want. Also, at 30, this is the first time I've been comfortable with the thought of not having a significant other and I'm looooving it! Everyone's journey is different. There's no wrong way to go about it.
Im 21 in a relationship with a 25 yr old. I’m pretty confident in myself and actually never get jealous. It’s also long distance. Yes I do find people attractive but it’s subdued in a way, and I couldn’t fathom acting on it. I wouldn’t want an open relationship because I truly only want the person I’m in a relationship with... I had like a year and a half of a “freak phase” beforehand and it felt empty towards the end, so I feel like I got it out of my system.
The part about how people will have an opinion if your decisions are different to theirs really resided with me. I come from a small family in a small town and I love both dearly, but I find I am alone in my way of thinking and get constantly told that 'I can't do everything I want right now' despite my ambition to do so. Why not?
Y’all should read the book “Opening Up” -it talks about a wide variety of open relationships, key questions to talk thru with partners, etc. I’m in an open relationship, and knowing the scope of options has been really helpful.
I'm saddens me that a lot of people nowadays say that they can't have a lot of open deep conversations(?) It's really about what kinda of people you surround yourself with and you also have to actually try, they won't just come at you like in the movies or something. I feel i have a lot of friends that i have good deep convos with, I'm not trying to brag or anything i'm trying to say it's not that impossible as a lot of people say it is. (Sorry if there are mistakes i'm not an english native speaker)
This is such an important and interesting discussion. I'm also a 19 year old yet to have a real relationship so hearing different perspectives on love is eye opening.
I think many of the people who are absolutely against open relationships (as in not just for themselves - which is perfectly fine, you do you - but in general) also struggle with good communication. I feel different types of attraction for different people; some of which I just want to have a good time with, others I truly consider spending many years with, having kids with. As long as I can openly communicate that, act only when given consent by everyone involved, why would anyone else care? If what I'm doing only involves consensual interactions based on honest conversations with others, why do some outsiders think they're in the position to get involved? Have an opinion - yes, of course, everyone is entitled to have an opinion. But be openly negative and judgemental about it? Nah, thanks. Those are not the kinds of people I need in my life. I also entirely agree with the "what if they find someone better" - well, that sure is sad but that's great for them, and isn't that what we want for people we love?
i used to be that person who thought that all relationships need to be defined, labeled and monogamous to be healthy and good but now as I am growing up I realise that that view is/was based largely on insecurity and the need to be validated by finding someone who is willing to bind themselves to me and thus show me and everyone else that I am loveable. Now I am much more open to the idea of being in a more open relationship type of situation. I imagine my ideal romantic partner(s) more as people where the sexual chemistry is there (of course) and just friends who I can have a good conversation with but not so much in the traditional sense of other half who I live with and spend my entire life with. It is so crazy how perspectives can change but I honestly feel so much more comfortable with the idea of this because the thought of completely intertwining my life with one other person sounds incredibly restrictive to me personally. However, if monogamy is your thing that‘s totally cool too.
I have been in a very loving open relationship for almost 6 years now and we operate with the same honesty and open-mindedness that Damon talks about. It’s only made us closer knowing that trust is so special to you both. Watching this channel since your guy’s first like 5 videos ever has helped me feel more comfortable knowing that there are people the same age as me that I can sincerely relate to. Next year, I will be attending university of Paris as a film major with my love at my side for the adventures to come. You guys should definitely hmu. Appreciate you and all the love for the world that you share. -ciao
I like these serious videos because you really do end up talking about things that people can relate to and be like "see!! This is what I am trying to talk about!!" I am in this situation where I'm telling my family that I do want to go and travel the US(I live in the US) here soon and they are saying things like in the life decisions topic at 8:32 and my family is saying those exact things like "oh she's young, it's a phase, you'll be back at 'this certain date'" and what Malaika said about how "Why do you think that's crazy? Why can't you just accept that this is the reality that I want for now" is what I am trying to explain to my family, and it's hard because they don't want me to go. (But I am going anyway :D)
Je viens de rompre avec mon mec, et j'avais besoin de cette vidéo ! Surtout quand tu dis que c'est ok d'être messy et d'explorer à 27 ans quand on était stable dans son dans la première moitié de ses 20 ans. I'm gonna live my best gay life now ✨
I hatttteee RU-vids updates recently not only the sliding the screen to the next video but also the suggestions they give that are “related” to what your watching RU-vid used to be so much better
People who say open relationships don't work just haven't been in a successful one. I, personally, feel like since men are more "wired" to think about sex all the time, open relationships work best for gay men, and least for straight women. I have a partner of seven or eight years (hard to pinpoint when we became official), and the worst part of the relationship was the first few years; trying to be "faithful" in a way society had forced us to feel we had to be. We have very different preferences in the bedroom, as well as different levels of sex-drive. Once we had "the talk", and got past the awkward first few times of "playing" with other people (as we call it), everything just clicked for us. He's the first person I want to see in the morning and the last person I want to see at night. Our days always begin and end together in OUR bed in OUR home, and there is no doubt that no matter what happens, this is where we want to be. We will be married in 2020. I want to be with him for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and knowing that we are both living our lives to the fullest, with no regrets, no restrictions, and no pressure to meet society's expectations. Open and honest is always the best course, at any stage of a relationship, and as people change, they need to convey their new needs to their partners as well. It's freeing to never be jealous of anyone or anything. D'accord, c'est ça de moi. Best of luck to you both.... to following your hearts! ♥️🥂♥️
it's always cool to talk about life and to reflect to what happened before to know better yourself and figure out where you 're going and where you want to, luv u
so i'm just watching this now, and I just wanted to say thank you for this video. I'm 19 and most of my friends have a different opinion on relationships and love in general than mine, which is totally okay, but sometimes I find it hard to talk about certain things with them. Sometimes I wish I were a few years older so that I could have conversations about more serious topics like these ones, so thank you for sharing your views on youtube, take care!
Whoooo love it sooo much!! It’s crazy how you met at the club and now you’re friends and you found real stuff in common and ..... whoooo it’s so great to feel that connection with someone out of chance!! I mean what are the odds!! You can find people and have great conversations with them just out of the blue like that!! Thank you for this video, the end was the greatest!!!! Ps I didn’t skim it, you were really compelling
Wow! I have been polyamorous for a few years now and you two talking about open relationships while a bit deep in the cups has brought up some incredible ideas and valid points of view that I couldn't give words to sober! Bravo for posting about such an important topic and thank you!!!!
I agree with a lot of what both of you said. I think a key in any type of relationship is communication and trust. To me, love isn't just a feeling, it requires action and cultivation in order for a relationship to grow into something strong and beautiful. I also really agree that it's normal to be attracted to other people and it doesn't mean that your commitment to your current partner isn't real, it just means that there are many people in the world and they all have something to offer. I love meeting new people and learning more about them. I'm actually on an exchange in Germany (which only happened because I was inspired by this channel, so thank you!) and the amount of incredible people I've met in just one month is ridiculous, so I'm thinking about how many people I will meet over a lifetime and how many of those people I could be interested in romantically/sexually. I'm also a romantic person and I would love to be in a pretty monogamous relationship, but I would want my partner and I to be open with each other and to trust each other enough not to become jealous if we notice other people. I think it might even be fun to talk about those people, like Damon said, because it helps you learn more about your partner, plus it'd be fun if you found the same person attractive because you could bond over your shared type!
I’m too lazy to see if anyone already said this but I think that the reason that a family is so standard is society is because every single person has to come from a family, whether it be broken or not. The people that choose to not start a family can only share so much and the experience kinda only starts in their adult life’s. Idk if I verbalized my thoughts well but I generally believe that the majority of society’s norms stems from people not liking change or being told that they’re wrong.
To me concept of sustainable a relationship is highly respectable if two people love each other that much and don’t let other noise get in the way. But that level of transparency and maturity seems rare. Where is the line drawn between “ok everything is cool this is just supplemental” and “we really have problems we’re not talking about let’s be open so we can use other people as an outlet”
I live for these conversations! Thank you for sparking conversations that are usually not had. This made me think a lot about the concept of love and why everyone aspires to it. Human beings are just told our whole lives that we should aspire to look for love from outer sources instead of trying to love and appreciate ourselves first, and there's this stigma that it's weird to be alone too which causes people to fear that and always be on the hunt for someone else to give them happiness. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to contribute my thoughts ❤️❤️
Im with Damon when it comes to open relationships. Once I became more whole in myself my view of relationships totally changed. What I really want for my partner is to be free to be truly happy and to show me their whole self! and not to be operating from a place of attachment and expectation. I think we often limit our happiness with the labels we put on relationships and when we let our insecurities and jealousy take control. I can say that for me and my partner, we have transitioned from a monogamous relationship to an open one, and we are more connected than ever. It takes a lot of inner work, but its taken our intimacy to another level. We can be our truest selves with each other without any fear. Its taken our communication to such an amazing place! Like Damon said, I wish I was introduced to these ideas when I was younger. We receive so many cultural messages about love and relationships, I appreciate these kinds of open conversations!!
Ach, the timing couldn’t be better for this. I’ve met someone really special, there’s a strong attraction on both ends, and we’re very compatible in terms of interests. Trouble is, I’m a passionate advocate of free love and can by no means figure out why we should limit our love to just one person out there, whereas he believes in monogamy and fidelity, and sees that as the only way for a relationship to thrive. I’ve realized that while I may disagree with his views and he with mine, neither concept is “better” or “more right” than the other. The best piece of advice I’ve received so far is to not promise him monogamy just to please him, when I know it ain’t my truth, and to not expect him to fully accept polygamy/free love either. Currently trying to take it a day at a time, so let’s see how it pans out. Long story short, there is no one way to date, and thanks for the vid!
I looove these kind of conversations!! Please do another one of these cause I think it is so important for all of us to start discussing and questioning these societal norms that we often take for granted!
@ 19:30 reminds me how parents love their children equally, for example the love they have for the oldest child does not diminish the love for the younger ones and vice versa. Soo i get what you were trying to say
My boyfriend and I openly comment to each other when we see an attractive person. Another attractive person doesn't take away from your attractiveness or your partners. Everyone should watch Alain de botton on love on youtube.
DAMONNN i'm seventeen now and i have the same wants in a relationship like you and I FEEL THE SAME!! i'm hesistant to share these ideas with my friends because they're more conservative?? and like, BUT I DO! why does it have to be taboo! and like when they slightly judge... GIRL it's about prefrencessss there's nothing wrong with me wanting an open relationship chillldwiaghuizhgih
