My friends and family who are extrovert DO NOT understand when I say I am an introvert. Mind you, I am French, and this notion of introversion/extraversion isn't as known here. My tips for recharge is just spending time alone: watching an old movie, going to the library to read, having a coffee on my own, and long walks in nature
A book, a cup of tea, a walk alone in the forest, a solo sailing journey, writing a poem, observing people....I'm guessing I'm an Introvert! However I can rock public speaking. (and I'm INFJ)
Nothing exposed my introversion so much as having kids. I absolutely adore my girls, but kids are draining (it's living and thinking for 3 people, with them detaching from you over time, which is its own necessary sadness). My husband is a classic extrovert and I think we largely fall on opposite ends of the spectrum. Which means I get at least a half an hour a day to myself, because he knows how important that is to my system. He loves taking the girls out, as well as going out to meet up with friends, whereas I will read to the kids or just spend time by myself reading or journaling. Over COVID LockDown, that actually went away, and I became so irritated and overwhelmed. It took me weeks to understand that even though we had nothing much to do, being in constant company (even if it was the best company) had left me empty. We remedied that, but last year we put our house up for sale and this year we moved clear across the country. And now we need to move again. This means my downtime is an hour a week and I have been dealing with more people than I am comfortable with. All of this is just to say that I love your advice, thanks for sharing. PS - I am a yoga teacher, and the WimHof Breathing method is basically the breathing exercises of yoga. Most teacher (sadly) just do Ujjayi breathing though, but there is a wide range of options, and his breath exercise is one.
Benjamin, you are a star! I love your channel. I am a black American, who graduated from the ivy league. I spent most of my formative years as an introvert (drinking doesn't count IMO.) Still thank you for this discussion, and all your discussions here. I studied Literature in college while my peers studied business, finance, law. It truly didn't contribute to the development of my social graces. Thanks for your advice! And perhaps you can consider doing a discussion about being a bibliophile in a culture of tech gadgets and climbing the corporate ladder? Be well.
People at work are shocked I am an introvert. I am very friendly and outgoing in my small circle of friends and families but I am exhausted when I have to go to a large gathering…… I am so glad I found your channel. I loved literature my entire life but haven’t read it in years. I am joining your book club!
All are great tips. Eye contact was a problem before the internet. It was stressed in my upbringing. So was dressing correctly for every situation. It leaves you with one less worry. I found it very helpful after I was ready to leave for public occasions to always look in the mirror and use a quote from “All that Jazz” (an American movie): “it’s show time.” In law school I played the song “Hit me with your best Shot” as an anthem to get ready for the grilling in class. The repetition reminded me I had made it through the previous day.
Hey Ben, I really appreciate you taking the time to offer your insights on how to appear confident and also to convince yourself of your confidence all in the same action. What helped me as an adult was joining a Speakers Club called 'Toastmasters' here in the US. They not only encouraged you to speak self-assuredly in public, but they also emphasized critical listening skills and ways of giving other speakers suggestions without seeming to 'criticize' them. Cheers, Eric
INTJ who appreciates your fun visual of imagining being pulled up on a hook (like in “TX Chainsaw” film). I also do best in conversations if I never talk about myself but ask targeted questions of the person to whom I’m speaking-questions to entice them onto topics that interest me. It helps with nervousness in social situations 🕊 Good suggestions!
Oh what a treat, as a member of Benjamin’s Hardcore Literature Bookclub on Patreon, these days we get the always highly engaging but also super polished “professor-like” version of Ben, clean language and all. It’s good fun to be served up a vintage video from time to time with guru Ben. Posture and video tips applicable whether you are an Extrovert an Introvert or an X. Onwards and upwards!
I am autistic and introverted, I will usually either stay quiet and be very shy or be very talkative (usually when I talk about my interests, one of them being classic literature) usually socializing requires a lot of focus and energy for me, and I need a lot of time to recharge my batteries. If you enjoy company but also need a lot of time alone, you are definitely introverted 🙂
I’m watching this on my break and just by watching the first tip on stance and posture it has instantly enlightened my mindset! My posture has always been something i’ve tried to work on. Thank you for this insightful video
I'm so happy to hear that, Jocey! Paying attention to posture really pays off in a big way :) I'm always reminding myself of this, especially if I need a little mood boost :)
What a great video, it should have milions of views. Thank all the way from Brazil mate. I have insomnia and forcing to yawn before sleep seems to be absolute great.
Thank you for sharing this, Ben. Before you told here, I had already felt that your eyes are doing a great deal to help me to concentrate on what you are saying, and also your open, friendly look creates deep confidence. As if we had been good friends for long time and I can trust you entirely.
When younger I never understood how some people would get energized and pumped up at a party when I'd get completely exhausted. After a party I'd hear from people who stayed much later in the morning still partying and I was baffled how anyone could do that. I'd want to go to sleep. It wasn't until many years later I learned that extroverts get energy from socializing whereas introverts get drained. I don't mind being an introvert except when I get treated as being some kind of weirdo because I don't socialize that much. So I've learned to fake "being normal".
I'm into teaching too, so I could bearly afford being shy and silent ... on the contrary, the feeling of continuously putting up a performance has given me confidence and strength to communicate and go outside to flow with the river. It's not about deceiving myself and others , but about the necessity " to perform" in order to get the best , the unknown out of me and challenge the others! By the way, thank you for the palette of advice.
It's a bit of a sliding scale :) I still love talking with people, but definitely ifyou feel like you need solitude to recharge - you're more on the introverted side of the scale ;)
Thank you - great vid 🙌I really also enjoyed Susan Cains ‘The power of introverts’ and I feel in the workplace introverts can get sidelined - I’m introverted and confident, I like solo time but can do presentations and workshops well, and find people challenging me because I wear make up, love clothes and learning / reading but I don’t need parties (I do the necessary client networking) I find the office staff Christmas party painful (the upside of pandemic lockdowns was seeing a change in this) I’m good with a few good friends, long chats and hikes - I find most people draining…how can we fix it in the workplace that office politics doesn’t discriminate against introverts? I recently had someone take credit for my work, and my response was it’s ok they needed it and I was challenged by my line manager for not being ambitious for not fighting this (yes, not the fact that said line manager knew there was a failing colleague who steals other peoples work and doesn’t do anything about it even though they have the authority to do so…) I find as an introvert with a confident personality, a lot of people find me challenging for having my own sense of self, my natural nature of being ok with a few good friends and not playing the how many masks can I wear to fake it to make it - literally I’d rather protect my whole soul sense of being than pretending to want to do instagram, or showing off about my skills,talking over people in team meetings… I believe the world needs introverts in senior work roles - as we tend to think more before reacting and are not easily manipulated…Introverts are brilliant 🌟
Oh this is actually fits me perfectly people don't understand they think I'm an extrovert no I have to have recharge time or I will fall apart but I would like you to read why psychotherapists have problems they actually have more problems than many many people that are not psychotherapists I'm not putting them down but don't get caught in trying to be somebody you're not
often the term introvert is used to justify social anxiety and shyness, which is not healthy at all. like you said introverts get energy by being alone, this does not mean one is destined/excused to be/stay a loner.
I am an INFP and I’m outgoing! But, parties wear me out. Unless the people are able to discuss things seriously, not necessarily intellectual, but important things. I am so bothered by small talk.
We sound very similar, William. I'm INFJ, and I love people, but a party or gathering will wear me out quickly (like in a couple of hours), and I'll need to recharge. I also don't like doing small talk in the slightest!
@@BenjaminMcEvoy i simply knew you were INFJ man... i've just voted on your personality database profile 2 hours ago! i'm INTJ so we have the same dominant function (introverted intuition), i don't know if you're aware of them but the 8 cognitive functions of MBTI are very interesting and sounds like something you'd really enjoy studying more about glad to see i was right
😂😂 My earlier videos are a little bit more... informal, should we say? I was a little younger too. I generally swear less in my day-to-day life now. When I look back at the older stuff, it surprises me how much I was cursing!
I’m a extroverted for sure but I still love books. Hmmm..but I really love to be around people and chatting. I think people think book lovers are introverted for some reason. But even though I’m extroverted, I still can’t really make friends. I really don’t know
I rebound for an hour while talking to my husband in Spain. I clock up kilometres in no time.We live in New Zealand. I do intermittent fasting with keto diet.
