What People Don't Understand About Introverts 

I’m coming to the realization that most youtubers are introverts.. myself included. It’s much easier speaking to a camera rather than a live audience

"You're not obliged to give your spirit and intensity to things you care little about." Damn straight

So many people act like being left alone with their thoughts and imagination is a bad thing, but that's where I thrive, grow, and recharge. My inner world is safe and limitless. It's in the external world where I find harsh limitations, confusion, disconnect.

I don't like small talk, I prefer something deep, intellectually stimulating.

*Extrovert* - regain energy through socialising *Introvert* - regain energy through introspection

"Introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating." I love that definition and it sounds like me.

"you do not owe anybody an apology for who, and how you are" this hit different and made me tear up this is a great video

Me as a social introvert: i am the life of the party....if there are only 3 people at the party.

I'm an introvert because: I love my company more People physically exhaust me Being fake all the time drains me That's it.

When you're an introvert watching this to learn more about yourself

Introverts are commonly mislabelled as afraid to speak, when really we are avoiding mindless small talk and pointless interactions with strangers. We seek substance and engaging conversations with the people we choose to converse with.

"Any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment." -Laurie Helgoe. YESSS

"any environment that leaves you feeling bad about who you are, is the wrong environment" "be picky about how you use your energy; you are not obliged to give your spirit and intensity to things you care little about" "How can you be with other people if you never learn how to be with yourself" "you do not owe anyone an apology for who or who you are" Beautifully put

I’m an introvert and I love being one. Even though the world doesn’t.

"I don't use the word 'friend' lightly" amen to that!! I always thought that it was just me being heartless or anti-social, but it always makes me feel better to know that there are more people who feel the same!

As an introvert it always astounds me how offended some people get over things that I haven’t expressed as opposed to the common offenses others openly express. I find it fascinating 🧐

Introversion: welcome to the world of silent reflection and complexity and deep thought.

I think the biggest difference between extroverts and introverts is that extroverts think that ‘being alone’ equals ‘being lonely’, while introverts love being alone and don’t feel lonely when they are

"I can't hear my own thoughts." That hit the bull's eye!

“You do not owe an apology for who you are and how you are.” I felt good after you said this line.

"I don't use words like lightly". That is so true to me. If I don't feel any conection with the other person, I don't consider him my friend. Is not that I hate him, it's just that your not my friend. That's all. Edit: Grammar.

It’s so simple. Extroverts gain energy by being around people and introverts gain energy being alone. I like hanging out with people but I find myself needing some time alone before I can get back. However my brother, and extrovert, gets antsy in the house and needs to get out and see people and couldn’t sit down watching tv or scrolling on his laptop all day.

"How can you be with other people, if you never learn how to be with yourself" ,very well said

People don't seem to understand that I don't use the word "friend" lightly. To an outsider I may seem to have dozens of friends, simply because of the different social groups that I spend time in. But I only really see three of the people there as *Friends.* This is because while I may feel inclined to talk to people, I *don't* want to share anything really personal with them, or go out of my way to be with them. This also makes finding a partner hard because while I love the idea of being with someone, I don't know if I'd be willing to let my personal tile and space go for it.

i'm an introvert, I need to be alone to think, to read, to listen to music... and I mostly socialize in small groups or one to one, and I prefer to invite people to my home so I can cook them dinner and we can play games or talk all night. When that happens I can be really fun and loud, as I like humor and laughing and all that stuff. But I won't do this often, since I need plenty of time to '' recover ''. Also, I am very perfectionist with my work, and that's why I prefer to do things on my own so I can control every single aspect of it, so when it's necessary to do group projects at university I adopt a more dominant role so everything runs out smoothly, as I want things organized and well planned. But doing this is exhausting for me, even though other people wouldn't suspect it. I can adopt more typical extroverted atitudes when I want to or need to. So that's why I would always be confused if I was an introverted until I learned what introverted really means.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a proud introvert, And So are you!!

"I don't feel like I can hear my own thoughts." Oh man, that hit hard. I like people, but in social situations (especially loud ones) I feel like I am not in touch with my own mind; I find myself functioning at a much lower level cognitively, which leaves me feeling stupid and bad about myself. My least favorite thing is when I open up to people about my introversion, and their first reaction is to argue that I seem very sociable to them. That's because introversion does not equal the inability to be social, they can't see just how draining it is for me to do so.

Before, I always felt dumb when I'm surrounded by a group of extroverts who can talk confidently while I just stare and listen. But then I noticed i do have a lot to say, it's just that I get anxious that I might humiliate myself. Relate?

Ngl I just don’t like being around people. I’m fine in social situations I just don’t want to be around people.

I think extroverts fear lonliness far more that introverts. That makes them project that fear into introverts. Is not a bad thing is the nature of things

I’m more extroverted but I love to give introverts room to talk without making them feel overwhelmed or ashamed if they can’t find what to say

I've struggled with accepting my introversion, primarily due to social pressures for people within my age range (early-twenties). At times, I feel like I'm missing out on something, even if I don't know what that something is. There's a sense of social pressure for young adults to be out, drinking, and partying almost every weekend. While I believe there is nothing wrong with partying and drinking (as it's a personal choice), I've learned that it's not something I enjoy doing. I like to do things like read, write, spend time in nature etc. There have been times I've been told I don't seem "fun". Being labeled as not "fun" hurts my feelings at times. I'm learning to accept and learn more about things I like to do and to understand that the way others see me is not a definition of who I am. 😊

*I'm an Introvert* but I love Martial Arts and train in Boxing Many Introverts can communicate and Socialize pretty well, its just that most of us prefer to do things on our own and only prefer help when we ask of it.

When you said you felt like you “couldn’t hear your own thoughts” after being around a lot of people that really resonated with me. I’ve always not really felt like “myself” after I hang out with a lot of people for a long period of time

"pointless painful small talk" this is something some people can handle, others, like Nathaniel and many of us can't, or don't want to deal with. I love the way he speaks his thoughts and all about introversion, just want to point out, there's another thing called "ambivert", which makes sense to those who love to be both loud & quiet equally. I hope he can create a future video about that, and dive deeper into it!

Your energy is where you place your attention. It’s more challenging to be selective in these higher stimulus scenarios. The word fragmented comes to mind - I feel better when I can use my intention more freely above the noise and distraction. Thanks Nathaniel.

Everyone throws "ALONE" in your face. It's just a projection of their own fears Ex broads - You're going to end up alone!!! Married friends - You want to die alone bro??? I'm more worried about losing my "ALONE" Time

The one thing that I never understood about myself is, that I feel best, when I'm around people, who I feel a deep connection with and who accept me for who I am. I don't actually like being alone, I just don't like being with people, who drain my energy or consume me. Since I only have one or two friends, who make me feel accepted wholeheartedly, I feel either drained or lonely most of the time. There's hardly any balance there ..

As an extrovert I want to say that introverts are amazing. I think there’s this stigma that all introverts are socially awkward or no fun, but that is so dumb. Introverts just gets energy from being alone than from socializing and that’s fine. Introverts can be as cool to hang out with and kick it with the best of them. I am SO social and have met every range of person, and I can say that some of the closest people around me are introverts. They can listen, they can love, and they can be such a blast, you just got to give them their time and space when they need it 😊

Well said! I think being an introvert shows my preference for having quality friendships and meaningful conversations. Great video

Be the person you are. When you throw away any aspirations for being as funny as X or as charming as Y or as outgoing as Z, you will be able to fulfill your full potential. If you try to be someone that you're not, you'll never get close to who you want to be. No one can be you but you. Play to your strengths. God bless.

I wish my mother knew English so I could show this to her ! Being the only introvert in the family sucks

Well said! My 13 yo. son is an introvert and we respect his need to be alone (and not talk) after school. He enjoys hanging with friends, sports, etc. but needs down time before and after

Nathaniel, Susan Cain's book "Quiet" saved my life 6 years ago, when I was 14 years old. I never understood why I couldn't interact with groups and I was occasionally hating myself. i was sad and lonely. Susan Cain's book taught me that I am normal. That nothing is wrong with me. This label helped me understand myself.

This is definitely interesting. I noticed for myself that I don't deal well with larger groups of people I don't know. I have trouble striking up a conversation or becoming part of the group, especially if these are more, as you said, "casual" interactions. And this doesn't depend on whether I had enough time for myself that day, it's always the case. However, if you'd observe me inside my existing group of friends, I would probably seem like more of an extrovert. I can talk A LOT and I can even be loud when the mood is right. I can also spend a lot of time with my friends without getting exhausted. It feels like I'm a different person depending on the people around me. I also noticed that, at least with strangers, I very much prefer 1-on-1 conversations or VERY small groups. I can have long, meaningful conversations with someone I just met if the circumstances are right. What I'm struggling with is whether I should expose myself to more uncomfortable social situations, or whether I should accept that this is how I am. I love Yes Theory's motto "Seek Discomfort", but even in the occasions when I tried to attend meetups of bigger groups where I don't know anyone, I never really "felt it" and I'm always happy when it's over.

I’m so glad i found this because I thought I was crazy because I don’t like talking to people because I constantly think I’m doing it wrong but I don’t like being alone all the time and like everywhere I see stereotypes of introverts don’t describe me thank you - a growing teen

This explains why all i want to do when I get home from school is sit down and relax. All day I have been in an environment where everyone else wants *their* voice to be heard. This explains better why I stopped doing sports. I didn't want to be in an environment where it is my physical ability against the physical ability of someone who I have likely never met. This is why I can't do small talk with random people for very long. With friends, I could talk for hours. I already knew I was introverted, I just didn't really know why. Thank you for making this video.

Your videos are so relaxing to watch, a breath of fresh air on a noisy platform

I can safely say 100% of what you said is true in my eyes. I look at it as a social drive. The more I get out and interact with people, the lower my drive becomes and the more I feel the need to escape. If i'm going out to town or something similar i'll rest all day even sometimes the day before, just to give myself the best chance of not being boring and anti-social as possible. I don't see anything wrong with it as it gives me a lot of alone time to figure out the things I truly care about in life. It's really nice hearing this from your perspective!

I was introduced to someone just the other day, and he said to me, "what, are you just gonna sit there with a cloud over your head the whole time?" because I wasn't speaking. I really never have much to say (I think a lot, but those thoughts usually won't make it into words) unless I know I can add to the conversation - which isn't that often. Unless someone is asking me questions or talking to me directly, I just don't talk. Usually, I'm quite comfortable this way and it doesn't really feel that awkward to me, especially if I'm with a good person I consider my friend. I have a lot of "comfortable" silences but some may not think of them as that. I just prefer to listen.

As a fellow introvert and someone who's been feeling a little depressed about their life choices of late, I really needed this. Thank you Nathaniel Drew.

I m crying right now... because it s exactly what I ve been struggeling with. Thank you for making me feel I m not alone

Thank you for clearing these misconceptions up and you make a great point about the many societal biases towards extroverted people.

"Pointless and painfull small talk." I love that! Even with a small group of close friends, or family, I'm good for about two hours, then I'm dying to be alone doing my own thing.

I never knew that I'm introvert when I was young, I just thought because I'm so quiet that something is wrong with me (introvert stigma) and when when i'm older I will be more social. After knowing about introversion I love myself now, I made peace with myself, now i know how important me time is and when I'm around the right group I don't shut up. now I know that I seek conversations that are informative rather than just causal talking, knowing and understanding yourself is the best win in life

So relatable, if you know you have a party that night, you spend the whole day alone. Also, so glad you brought up Susan Cain’s book Quiet - that is a MUST read!

I saw this quote one day on Reddit which said the following: I tend to believe all people have two gas tanks. One that can only filled up by the company of those you can truly connect with, and one that can be only be filled up by time alone. And they are different sizes for different people. I find this quote really true, but when I find myself alone in a more permanent level, I have seen it wrecking my mood and leading me to an state close to depression, so yeah, each one of us needs to find their own balance.

can we get this straight: just cuz someone’s loud, outgoing, cheerful, etc, doesn’t mean they’re an extrovert 🤷‍♂️

This was needed!

YOU DO NOT OWE ANYBODY AN APOLOGY FOR WHO OR HOW YOU ARE!

Susan Cain's book helped me a lot when it comes to understanding myself! Is a GREAT book

I can relate to this so much. I always thought I was dumb or something but through videos like these I understand myself a whole lot better. And thank you for your closing statements, I dont owe anyone an explanation about who I am or how I am.

Whenever I have a conversation with someone especially an extrovert I feel like I would be much more productive being introspective or having a discussion with myself/deep thinking. I am even at the point where I get excited alone and very euphoric and I feel other humans are just there to drain me and waste my time.

Quite frankly, I cannot begin to explain you how much your videos help me. The part about superficial interactions is very relatable; it's draining beyond imagination. I think we should really bring back the word "aquaintance" into our vocabulary.

We introverts are surely mysterious and amazing.... We really love to hang up with the mysterious imaginations of our mind... personally in which we all are hero....

Thank you you summed it beautifully.. being in a crowd gets overwhelming at times but not all the time. Thank you again.

very clearly and well put...all of it, and how the small talk is extremely draining, while an interesting one on one conversation nurtures the soul and I can go on forever...

People always thought being an introvert is bad. When I was growing up, I struggled because of this mindset. Now that I have grown up, I am happy that I am embracing my introversion and myself. Introverts should not be looked down upon because extroverts are not better than introverts. No one is better than another. I hope this video reaches more people especially teenagers who are trying to embrace and learn about themselves. If my younger self could see this video, it would be so helpful.

I loved "Quiet", I felt like it spoke to me directly. I was so excited to realize im not a ill person because i dislike groups. I unfortunately suffered from shyness and social anxiety as a younger person. However as I've entered my 50's i find im not shy but very introverted. In America this is frowned upon. I have always felt like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Thankyou for doing this follow up video. Everybody should read her book, even extroverts, so they can understand introverts! We are not frieks!

For me it’s like, I have to have some alone time doing what I like, reading, drawing, writing etc. to “recharge” But if I “recharge” for too long, if I spend too much time without seeing anyone it makes me desperate to be social and around people. When I get that “desperate” I don’t really care if those people I’m around are my friends or just classmates, as long as it doesn’t make me feel bad. Then again after being “recharged” by hanging out with people I get back to needing some time alone. I suck at explaining I just felt like I had to write that to myself

This is me everyday when I go to school, it’s hard for me to interact. I’m such a shy, quiet, and reserved person. I only speak, when I feel I need to, or if there’s something I’m interested in. Also, it’s weird how people think your up to something when your quiet! :(

Finding out that I am introverted was one of the biggest revelations I've had - probably ever. I suggest people who haven't had a closer look at that topic to do so. It can make day to day interactions easier and you'll foster an understanding for the opposite side. If we respect each other for who or what we are, we'll all be better off.

i've just clicked immediately since i saw a notification. I'm immensely into your contents.

I loved this video. Thank you for the breakdown 👏

The more I tried to fit in as a teen the more I felt not myself. I do prefer calm environnement because I have so many projects in my mind. My boyfriend is the opposite. He feels dead when he is not in a social event while I feel not at ease at all because I just don't find anything to say. I struggle in clubs while I love to dance at home. On the other hand, I really enjoyed living in Spain for 5 years and getting into the culture. It was an experience but Madrid is a mzd city that is never quiet, I ended up feeling wrecked. But I like being with an extrovert , he helps me getting out of my bubble. He just need to understand I need isolate myself a lot of time. I relate so much with your video! J'espère que ton séjour à Paris se passe bien.

Every video of yours like this that I watch I feel more in tune with myself and more acceptable. Thank you for continuing to provide us with your wisdom and clarity.

Your comment "I don't use the term friend lightly" struck a chord with me, I think that leads to people like us moving farther from the crowd because others throw the term "friend" so much that it hurts is when we find out that we don't mean as much to them as they do to us. If that makes any sense.

Man... I feel relieved after watching this. Thank you Nathaniel... Can relate to how he's feeling so well

This was spot on I loved that last quote you showed, too many times I allowed my energy to be given to things that I knew weren't for me.

I think I'm an introvert aswell. School was always exhausting for me cause all of these forced conversations and noise. Now I'm thinking about becomming a teacher to create a nice learning atmosphere for every student, understandig the introverts or shy ones and showing them that they're okay this way and they have their own strengths. Just not the same as the extroverts. The only problem with that is, that you should probably be quite extrovertet to be a teacher and I'm afraid that it would be to much for myself. Is any introvertet teacher outthere who can relate? I do also think that it is possible for any personality to change. I mean, we are allways changing, aren't we? So maybe I can just try to become extrovertet and gain my energy by being around my students...

I've also been labeled as too serious. I'm an introvert an for most part of my short life I felt like I wasn't normal, I still feel that way sometimes, but I've been accepting that fact, that I'm an introvert and there's nothing wrong with it. This is an amazing video and the way you explain what is to be an introvert it's very accurate, at least for me. Well done! 7:11 IMPORTANT REMINDER

You make complete sense Nathaniel. I can see much part of me in you. Thanks for sharing your life with us🙂

Just wanted to drop a thank you! You speak to my soul, make me feel understood. Thank you for your channel, content, and honesty.

Notif squad let's go!

Another definition of introversion vs extroversion: how you feel most energized, when alone or with people? The ultimate goal in my mind is to feel fully secure, comfortable, and owning my introversion fully. It helps to visualize the emotional experience a social event I may be feeling nervous about will bring. First, uneasy, then, I imagine myself eventually fully relaxed and engaged in a deeper more meaningful exchange with one or two people. It helps to quiet down the worries of not feeling loud enough, easy going enough, etc

Oh, Nathaniel!!! You're so needed. Finally someone put in words what I feel. Thanks! : )

So perfectly said! Thanks!! So nice to hear some helpful and meaningful validation for how I feel.

*great video Nathaniel* *enjoyed your thoughts about this topic.* *Keep doing what you are doing!*

Every word you say is exactly what I feel. Thank you so much

Totally feeling that. Thank you for this video!

I love this! I'm very similar to this. I'm quite chatty when I get to know people so they think that I'm extroverted, but I actually need a lot of time alone just to re-charge. I really struggle with small talk with people I don't know very well. It used to make me dislike myself but as an adult, I love this ability, it makes me feel less social pressure and I feel so much freedom without the pressure to conform to other people's standards all the time. I also find that the friends I do have are really good friends that I care deeply about - which I consider a massive benefit.

In my early 20’s I was considered a social butterfly, beyond an extrovert. With age I have discovered that I have become a better version of myself when I became an introvert. It was not intentional I started to feel overwhelmed in large social events. I embraced journaling and meditation and it has been a life changing experience. Thanks for the video!

I only followed Nathaniel about like 1 month ago & can already tell that this is my absolute favorite content on RU-vid! Keep going buddy

Thank-you so much for this! I resonate with it so much!!! Makes me feel so much better when I feel anti-social.

Amazing closing👏🏽 Thanks for the insight!

5:39 same as me i hate pointless talk and can't handle it more than 10 min , but i can talk for hours about a specific subject

Roses are red, Voilets are blue, When I see Nathaniel Drew, I watch him on RU-vid

I listen to you, a punk kid half my age, and learn so much. You are part of the teaching process as I grow in my mental journey. Your wisdom is beyond your years, and as a man who was late to his understanding of his own mental health and state, I feel fortunate to enjoy your perspectives and content. I hope Paris is blowing your mind... within reason

bruh your content made huge improvements in my way of thinking doing, Doing things, and how to be productive, thank you so much for creating great content

Great stuff bro!