from getting rejected from oxford for undergrad, to getting accepted for your masters, to declining your phd spot. what a journey! i cant wait to see where else you go, i am sure it will be wonderful
It takes an incredible amount of courage and strength to prioritize your mental health over an opportunity like PhD at Oxford. You’re truly amazing Ruby! Thank you for being open and honest and using your platform to amplify the importance of a good head space in academia.
I waited two years after finishing my masters to start my PhD. Definitely needed the time to decompress and begin to feel excited and motivated again. I think you have made a wise decision ❤
@@CrisOnTheInternet I worked full-time throughout my masters and continue to do so while doing my PhD. Not because I'm a go-getter, because I have to lol.
@@Aoife-qd1jm like most of us lol. I asked mostly because I have the impression that some people go straight to masters degree without a work experience and I don't know if that's counterproductive by the time they try to get a job, I guess it depends of the field. I have 10 years of work experience and I plan to hopefully start my Masters degree in 2026. Any advice? Also good luck with your PhD.
@@CrisOnTheInternet I think working teaches us things that education can't and vice versa - both are necessary. Wishing you the best of luck with your masters, friend ☺️
I know you’re not planning on doing it at the moment, but I still wanted to congratulate you on getting into Oxford for your PhD. It’s an incredible achievement regardless of your decision to not pursue it right now.
I think with adulting, so many lose their childhood curiosity or joy or wonder, because people are genuinely burnt out from trying to survive in our society. Unfortunately, many people cannot afford to rest and recover, and therefore are stuck in perpetual cycle of stress and survival. Yes, you can take steps to lessen the effects of burnout, but I do feel like it’s incredibly difficult to recover from it while our society is the way it is 😞☹️
They lose their curiosity because most of the accessible things have been explored and only high effort things are left to explore so you're way less inclined to pursue them (by the time youre an adult you pretty much saw anything unless youve been living under a rock). Also i think theres also a physiological drop in brain plasticity and excitability, so even if you had an adult with no memories or something, it would be less curious or excited about stuff anyways
The issues is being adult we know more than kids and sometimes the random kid wonder is just not realistic. But this comment is important to retain that kid wonder, which I’m trying to improve on.
What I think is while we are still teenagers we try so hard to "act" like adults... So by the time we reach our adult life we are already "semi- hypocritical ". societal standards influence this so vastly... In my opinion just relaxing and being genuine helps just because adults are not a whole new type of species ( kindness can truly help as well making us slowed down a bit)... 😊we must not forget who we were
I also had to withdraw my postgraduate application recently due to burnout and poor mental health. been struggling so much with guilt. THIS VIDEO MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER
Hey Ruby! Props to you for putting your mental health first! I'm a Ph.D. student here in the States and can assure you that getting a doctoral degree can take a heavy toll.
Ruby, there’s no right or wrong in life. Over the years, I’ve watched you shine, and I know I speak for many when I say, “Well👏done👏you👏!” You’ve accomplished what few can-not just in your academic journey, but in inspiring thousands who are finding their own paths. Now it’s time for us to encourage you to keep moving forward on yours. You’ve got this!
I am sure the right time will come for you to start your PhD in Oxford but I applaud you for following your gut. I think it was the right decision to make even if at the time was so difficult after having been accepted. You will do it Ruby 🧡 Thank you so much for keeping us in the loop 🤍 Lots of love from Spain!
Good for you for doing what’s best for your mental health! It can be difficult to let go (even temporarily), but I believe you’ll be better off in the long run.
As Oxford student myself studying English it's fun and hard at same time , I know how you feel and thank you so much for showing real and raw reality of student life which make be feel that I am alone suffering with unstable mental health. I love studying at oxford but there are times where my mental health is unstable, had panic attacks , feeling lonely and homesick . As a girl who has been surrounded by family , suddenly shifted to London alone for studies was really hard on my mental health. Wishing you all the best as you embark on this exciting new journey Ruby...💕
Darling, Ruby. This video will have helped so many people to be more open about their mental health, to listen to their gut, and to know it is in their best interests to step away and press pause when they need to prioritise their mental health. Love you for this. x
Ruby, your decision is one of the best you could make about PhD. I waited almost five years to start my own postgraduate studies, now I am doing this not as just a young person, but as Senior Lecturer at the university that had visited some conferences, spoken at some, even got some scientific advisory experience. Exactly grateful for this half a decade.
Ruby, I just want to share with you my own experience and perspective. I was in school until I was almost 30y old, master after bachelor, phd after master, no break in between, plus working part time to support myself since I was 20. Now every time I think about those years in school, the first thing I feel is exhaustion, although I’ve learned so much and met so many smart people and I still love intellectual challenges. I think you are mature in that you decide to prioritize self care.
You're doing the right thing. You need a mental/emotional break from 5 years of very intense focus. Introverts focus their energy more inward (I know myself) and it can drain our energy tremendously. I look forward to your continued efforts next year.
Ooh Ruby, there's no right or wrong when dealing with mental health. The fact that you recognise it is a good step forward. You should definitely take time off from learning. It's good because when you go back, you'll feel refreshed. I am definitely looking forward to your new planner next year and would love more of your home vlogs. ❤❤❤
Im in my third year of PhD now, and I think you were right with your choice although it was hard. The first year of PhD is extremely mentally taxing (in my opinion). My first year was a perfect breeding ground for things like imposter syndrome, perfectionism and anxiety. That combined with being around new people (supervisors, research group, PhD students etc) made it extremely tough. You will never regret doing it at a time where you feel ready - but you will regret rushing it! You have nothing to worry about. Vienna waits for you ❤️
Congratulations on your PhD spot and 900k - but most importantly for putting your mental health first! On another note, I want to say thank you - you inspired me to apply again for Oxford after I was rejected for my undergrad, and this time I got in - I will always be thankful that you inspired me to pursue this amazing opportunity
You are wise to take a year off. I took a year between my BA and my graduate work (MA & PhD) and it was one of my best decisions. PhD work is very intense; you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. Someone I knew once described her dissertation as her "Demon Lover," and she wasn't half wrong about that! Good luck!
Thank you, Ruby, for your candor. Your sharing of your personal struggles is healing and inspiring to others. We all have times when we need to tend to our mental health and doing so is very healthy! Thanks for being brave and setting such a great example. You are the loveliest of human beings.❤
You made the right choice. You have to go into a PhD being 100% sure it’s the right idea. PhDs are hard. I did mine straight after my BSc and I really wished I took a gap in studies. There will always be more chances.
I left my Ph.D. program after just a year and decided not to continue at all, for similar reasons as you cite. It was the hardest decision, as I'd been working toward it for years, and still don't know what to do with the rest of my life. Thank you for sharing this so honestly. It makes me feel a lot less alone! 💗
Omg Ruby!! That is so cool! So proud of you for trusting your gut, I can’t believe how hard it must have been. But so much growth comes from these decisions, whenever you have the chance to do it again, it’s gonna be so much better ❤❤ the adult thing is so true and I love your style! I got into tea this year and it’s great 🍵
Ruby, you 100% made the right decision. Doing (and especially finishing) the PhD is much harder than getting in. Also, if you end up wanting to stay in academia after your PhD, it will be much more complicated to take a sabbatical or interrupt your academic career to work outside of academia or pursue your own projects, and then be able to return to academia. Do everything you want experience outside of academia before starting your PhD, and start it when you feel fully ready. Clearly you have what it takes to be accepted and write a good proposal, and that won’t change 2,5 or even 10 years from now!
Oh Ruby, don't feel bad about withdrawing your application! Doing a PhD is one of most singularly exhausting and psychologically draining experiences anyone of us can go through. And this comes from someone who's just passed her viva after having to take a year-long break from my research to take care of my mental (and physical!) health. I wish I'd taken a year off between my masters and going into my PhD to recharge my creative batteries and mentally prepare but I was offered funding and I felt I couldn't really say no because in the UK you just never know if you'll be lucky enough to get funding a 2nd time. My advice is make your mental health a priority, focus on something non-academic (your job), enjoy your time with family and friends and if it was meant to happen, you'll eventually get your PhD.
I went straight through from BA to MA to PhD in Molecular Biology. This was back in the 70's and 80's, and mental health was something to be ashamed of. I was completely exhausted at the end. Instead of applying for postdoctoral positions, in prep for going into academia (which is what my major professor expected of all his students), I took a year off then went into biotech. If I had to do it again, I think I would have taken more time in between. So, you need to do what is best for you! Only you know what is best for you and your mental health.
Thank you so much for being open about your mental health. I took a gap year after my A-levels which turned into 2 gap years because I was in such a bad place mentally. Now I’m starting Uni and I feel so great and happy about having taken the two years for myself however it took me quite a while to stop feeling ashamed of being 2 years behind my peers. It’s great to see someone I see as a role model be so relatable and I am sure you’ll get better and get your PhD one day!
Ruby, you truly are an inspiring academic. I was a PhD student right out of undergrad (not sure what undergrad is called across the pond) and it was not a good decision for me. I loved school and to me, the PhD just made sense, but that level of work is extremely challenging. My mental health tanked and I fell behind. I ended up receiving a terminal masters and have been working ever since, still trying to cope with the pain I experienced for so long. As people who love school and academia, these decisions are so hard to make. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story and taking care of yourself. I have no doubt you’ll have your doctorate soon enough but take your time. Studying is a life long love.
That's wonderful, Ruby! Your videos really inspire me to read more & learn more. Thank you for being so transparent. You're an encouragement to many people. So happy you're doing well. 😊❤
I admire you so much, Ruby. You are so self aware and wise. I also made the decision of postponing starting a PhD because of a gut feeling pretty similar to what you described, and seeing you going through this and others sharing their experiences here on the comments makes me feel so, so much better and comprehended. Thanks for doing what you do! Love you content xx ❤
Take time to regroup and begin it when you're ready. Use this time to build experience outside of academia and try new things. I think you'll find this time valuable when you do start your phd.
Hi Ruby, I randomly started watching your videos a few months ago and I just wanted to stop to comment. I'm a doctor and I often use my 'gut instinct' because as I'm sure you know it isn't really a fluffly random thing. It is actually your brain picking up on subconscious bodily cue that your logical conscious brain is unable to. Following my gut instinct has never done me wrong and it seems you're also making the right choice for your health!
You’re truly an inspiration for posting this video. I am about 10 years older than you and have been on sick leave since March due to stress-induced exhaustion disorder. Unfortunately I didn’t pay enough attention to my body and the symptoms i had from working day and night. Take care of yourself!
Hi Ruby, I'm in my final year of university. I've seen your videos for quite a while, and they're helpful with my university life as they give me motivation to succeed. I don't know if I want to pursue a Masters after graduation. All I can say is, thank you for everything ❤
I have been watching your videos since 2021 and it's lovely to see how you have grown and how you have become even more wiser,love youu so much Ruby❤❤ your videos are like a cozy place to visit❤
Deciding not to do things is as important and deciding to do things. It was very brave of you to take that step at such a vulnerable time. You have given yourself the gift of space and perspective. You will be a better PhD student after a break than if you had gone straight in.
I finished my phD 28 years ago and also worked for two years after my degree before starting it - I'm so pleased I did that it made me appreciate the whole phd process a lot more it has to be the right time for you and on a subject that is 100% what you're passionate about - never went on to actually use it in my career but loved every minute of it and have never regretted it
Any decision you make based on your health--mental, physical, spiritual--is a good decision. One tactic I've used when faced with big decisions is to "let a friend make the decision for you." Here's how it works: get in the mindset that the decision the friend makes is binding. It's not, of course, but pretend, play along. The friend makes the decision randomly, say, flips a coin, privately. He or she writes the decision down on paper privately, folds it over a few times and hands it to you. You pause, prepare to receive a decision. Then, unfold the paper. You and your friend carefully check your immediate reaction. Is it relief, or anxiety/disappointment/fear? Your reaction is key. It will tell what you want to decide. OK, game's over, and you make the real decision.
Hi Ruby! I’m also a recent MA graduate and seeking PhD and receiving job offers. I was rushing just like you, even though my master’s has made me a complete workoholic. I realized that I haven’t taken a breath to rest for the last 2 years. Seeking a job, rejection letters and PhD job seek all feel so overwhelming. I decided to improve my CV through publishing papers and improve my experiences this year and take a hiatus. Love hearing yor story and it really inspires me to put my mental health abpve everything else. Thank you!!!
Thanks so much for sharing this and showing people that their journey into/continuing with academia isn’t always linear, and that it doesn’t have to be. If they accepted you before, I’m sure you’ll be able to do a PhD again when you’re ready. Also, getting work experience is so so valuable- once you’ve done your PhD and are applying for jobs, it will probably be a benefit that you didn’t go with the straight-through route. The shift your channel has taken over the last few years towards prioritising your mental health while studying is really special and necessary, so thank you ❤️
Hi Ruby, It's so inspiring to see you talking about mental health and even turning down Oxford for it! ❤ For real I'm just so amazed because it takes so much strength to turn down your dream university to prioritise your health and even be able to talk about it openly. It does help me a lot to know it's okay to struggle and that other people sometimes do too. Keep being strong and trusting yourself, Ruby! I'm sure it'll work out whenever you want to try again, trusting your gut can never be bad and I bet you'll make a lot of cool new experiences in your job. Love from Germany, thanks for inspiring me to make the best out of every single day (even if it's an unproductive one) ♥️
Well done Ruby. Part of mental health wellness is being able to recognize when you need to take a break and rebuild your resilience. Reapply when you are ready.
I took a year off between Masters and starting a PhD. I just needed to not do anything academic related. I just completed my third course in the program and a part of me wishes I would have waited an additional year. I commend you on waiting and focusing on your mental health, amongst other things. Not many want to talk about waiting or changing their minds altogether, I think there is a stigma to it. Which is ridiculous because it's not making a wrong decision. Hope that made sense and that all is well!
A lot of people need a break between their masters and their PhD. It's intense. Don't worry, when the time is right you will know and the opportunities will still be there. I just finished "Rebecca" last month and I loved it. Hope Lola is feeling better soon. Holy mackerel! Haha.
As someone who faced a somewhat similar dilemma back when I finished my Master’s, I feel this is 100% the right decision if you had any doubts to begin with. I also withdrew from the process for a PhD project which would have in many ways been the “dream” scenario because it just felt like personally (for somewhat different reasons in my case) it was just not something I was willing and able to do at the time. I ended up working in industry for 2 years before securing PhD funding again, which was in hindsight a muuuuch better fit, and DEFINITELY the better decision. Perhaps even more importantly, I entered the PhD with a completely different level of maturity and outlook on work-life balance. Unlike many of my somewhat younger colleagues, who had gone into the PhD after 4-5 years of full-time studying, I feel I had a much more healthy approach to organising my work and was much less “lost” about the whole process of being a working adult (because that’s what a PhD should be considered in my view). This really spared me much mental anguish. I’m pretty confident that had I continued the same way I’d done during my BSc and MA, I would have easily worked myself into the ground and had a miserable time. As a bonus, I had a very clear view of what life and work look like outside of academia, which made me appreciate the academic environment more and gave me perspective when issues inevitably arose. All of this is to say that I firmly believe people should only go into a PhD programme if they are 100% sure that’s what THEY want rather than what they SHOULD want/do. I’m defending in December so I can say it worked out absolutely for the best in my case and most likely will in yours too! Good luck! :)
It’s so nice to see your growth since your initial Oxford rejection all those years ago! I appreciate it’s easier to get into Oxford for a masters than for an undergraduate degree, but it’s still a HUGE achievement - congrats once again Ruby!
You've definitely done the right thing. My masters ruined my mental health and I ended up never going back to academia because I felt like I wouldn't cope with a PhD. So taking a little break is definitely the right choice. The PhD opportunities will still be there if/whenever you want to go back to it!
Ruby, I'm glad that you followed your gut. Now you can go into your PhD. feeling refreshed and excited. I would love to hear a tidbit more about your work, though. You have us intrigued. 🙈
Well done Ruby…our daughter went straight from her MSc, complete with distinction, but a dishrag of emotional and physical exhaustion, into her DPhil….xLike you she had used her MSc dissertation to draw together her thoughts about where her scholarship was taking her next so she was clear on that but just pretty emotionally drained. And tired. In the end she decided to accept her DPhil place and carry on through…..this is her last year. She has survived all being well but would tell you that it would have been better if she’s had a break. The DPhil itself she has found a wonderful experience but hard going. Everyone says the same. Anyway, best wishes for the year and next year too.
Even with pursuing my second bachelors degree it was a good three years before I went back into school and now I’m applying for masters. I truly believe letting yourself have a break and expanding your interests helps your approach to life and academia 😅
I'm in a really similar boat. I lost my mom in February. I kept pushing and pushing myself to keep up with school so that I could get into a professional program that I've been working toward getting into for the last two years. This whole entire year has been an uphill battle, and my mental health is in the trash, as is to be expected...I'm still very much in the middle of my grief. I got into my program.....and then two days later had another MASSIVE change in my family situation. At this point, I am frozen, and I think I need to take time to regroup, so I am 99% sure that I'm going to withdraw from school (temporarily) and decline my seat in the program. Which is absolutely bizarre. I spent 2 years working towards this, I thought I would be over the moon, but it's just not right for me right now. I have also been putting it off. It almost feels like a breakup. But, as others have said before me, education will always be there. Take care of your mental health now so that you can set yourself up for success later.
Hey Ruby, I took a break from my masters because of my mental health and because I felt like it just all got too much and I was burnt out. I am grateful for this decision every day, as I had enough time to recover and am now back at studying and thriving whilst doing it. 100% sure that your decision to postpone the PhD was a good one! Very proud of you for making this hard decision xx
As a final-year PhD candidate, I say well done for putting yourself and your health first. You are wise to wait, and huge congrats on the master's and getting accepted into the PhD program. I also know the work that goes into both. Enjoy a break before your next adventure Ruby
Proud of you for listening to your gut ❤ that can be very hard. I loved your tea anecdote. It's funny how a special moment can spur our love for something. I used to hate coffee until I had a latte in Spain on a family visit and now I love it!
Ruby I NEED to comment on this because I am in the exact same boat. I am in the last month of my masters, and was planning on starting my PhD in Feb. I had a meeting with my supervisor yesterday and she strongly encouraged me to wait, and apply for intake in eight months instead. I also spoke to a number of PhD candidates and they said you NEED a break between your masters and PhD. VERY good decision 🩷
You made the right choice. A PhD is such a large and long commitment that gets increasingly harder as the time progresses. If you're not in a (rather) good place at the start, you're just setting yourself up for failure, I think. Speaking from personal experience.
You have so much wisdom to take the break, I can imagine that would have been such a difficult decision but I think it's an inspiring decision. On an unrelated note I find Rebecca and Jane Eyre to be very different, haha -- maybe it's just the lasting impression/feeling the books left once I finished each
Hi Ruby. I was in the exact same spot as you! Wanted to do a PhD in physics right after my master's because I liked research so much, but finishing my thesis and degree really took a big toll on me and put me in a bad place mentally. So I'm going into industry first and when I feel ready I will do the PhD. It's okay that it takes longer than initially planned. We should always trust our gut feeling!
I waited three years between finishing my masters and starting my PhD. In that time I wrote and presented a couple of papers at international conferences and symposia and really got to find the best person to be my supervisor. Also you need the time to decompress, both mentally and physically, from the masters degree.
PHDs are challenging being in the right mindset is super important…I think you have done the best thing stepping away from that until you feel comfortable going back into mainstream education x
Ruby, it is good that you are taking the year off after just completing your Master's degree. Of course, you were going to be stressed and burnt out, a Master's degree is very difficult and a lot of work. It is always good to take a break after completing a degree. When I was a little girl in the mid 1980s, I was bullied by kids at school because I dressed differently than them. They complained that I did not wear tight pants nor Blue Jeans like them. I did not have short hair like the other girls nor wore make-up nor nail polish nor had my ears pierced. They would call me names, hit me, and even threatened me because I did not want to dress like the other children in my class.
A PhD is an absolute marathon - if not an ultra. You need to go in fresh and excited in order to maintain your momentum towards one day completing. Good for you for deciding this is not the right time for you. The opportunity will be there in the future when you are fresh and anew and certain about your choice. In the states a PhD is typically 4-5 years. So glad I did it and completed but it was a long haul!
Maybe one day you could write a book about how to keep the good parts of being a kid. In any case, really happy to see you grow and prioritize your wellbeing. Hope you have more than just a productive week as well
I really admire your thoughts and actions regarding your PhD application! It's such a brave and sensible choice. Actually, I was facing "similar" decisions this year (not as severe as yours though). I needed to withdraw from some courses during my undergrad (even though I liked them and did my studying), because I really needed the time to tackle mental health problems. This results in taking a few semesters longer during undergrad, which sometimes makes me feel bad and "not productive enough", so your thoughts really spoke to me.
Well done on making the call to take some time out before your PhD, you’ll feel so much more motivated and excited when you do start! I took a very long time out of eduction before starting my PhD and I loved doing it because I was so glad to be back in education again. (I also feel sad I’m not a student now it’s over!)
Good for you making the decision to postpone your studies despite wanting to go ahead. I faced that same situation once, so I know how you feel. For me it worked out way better than if I had pressed on regardless!! 👍
Incredibly brave to withdraw from your phd and even more so for being so open and public about your reasoning. I do not like the term influencer but if anyone who has such a platform and can influence for good it is you. Keep going.
This year I was accepted into a program where you work part-time and study part-time in one of my favourite universities but due to mental health issues I had to withdraw that application as well now I am in a program where I only do the study part (alongside my PhD, which is also why I really don’t have the energy to do the original program). I really hope I made the right decision and I hope to figure things out next year
Aww ruby, I was in a similar situation last year, I was meant to do a master last year but after going straight to school, college and university. I just felt it was the best to not do the master. Now it’s a been a year and it’s hard not knowing what I want to do for the future. I got an job interview on Monday for science technician, nervous but feel it the best option for me. Good luck for the next year ahead. As I say majority of times, things happen for a reason, and you never know there may be a different option in the future that suits you better.
