Life With Persistent Depressive Disorder (aka Dysthymia) 

I have PDD with MDD… I’ve been in treatment for around 20 years but still no solution for insomnia for me! Even the pills stopped working. Other than that, I do my best every day and that’s all any of us can do. Good luck and may the force be with :D

@@amylaaoula ​ Hey thanks Amy! Thanks for sharing - sorry to hear that's been what's happening in your world. Other than that, I appreciate the positive vibes that came from reading this message. :D

Marcus Rideout Thank YOU for sharing with us! Something that works a bit for me is my allergy medication (anti-histamine); it curbs the edge when I stop my strong anxiety medication to move to some lighter one. Good luck and may all our forced smiles become real ones. Hey, my doctor told me that in some cases, people can actually heal and kick PDD out of their lives! He told me I’m not one of the chosen ones but some of you can make it (and writing this, I have a big real smile on my face). There is hope :D

Just got diagnosed today I don't know what my feelings are or maybe I don't want to deal with it at the moment

@@kanishka9098 hey that's totally okay to feel that way, it's part of processing the news. Take it one day at a time. You've got this!

I 100% hear you on it feels ingrained into your character/world view! I didnt really know how drastic it was until being on the other side of antidepressants working for me. Sorry to hear your experience with antidepressants hasn't led to making any progress. Have you tried working with your doctor on different meds? Have heard that is required for some folks. Took 58 days for it to become noticable for me

@@MarcusRideout happy to hear they work for some, gives me somr hope. On my 9th depression medication trial, ranging from 3 months to 2 years, no luck so far 😶. Fortunately I don't seem to get bad dude effects either, a silver lining I guess 😁

x2 ....😒😞😞

@@IdiotPosterBoy I’m so sorry to hear that! That’s gotta be really annoying and frustrating.

Wow, this reply!! I relate so strongly, thank you 🙏

Yea, there have been too many times where, prior to diagnosis, I have had the thought "Other people can't experience life in this way regularly or the world would be way too intense"

@@MarcusRideout and that’s exactly why everyone needs to get lots of information regarding what these disorders are like and when to seek help 🙌🏻

@@kvr6869 indeed!

В точку. У меня с детства безразличие к людям, частая апатия, незаинтересованность, бессмысленность. Я не знаю что такое нормальное состояние, мне не с чем сравнить. Как можно представить то, что никогда не чувствовал

I relate to this so much...

You do dishes and laundry? Must be nice

I 100% hear you on this. I've often been told I need to "cheer up" or look more happy, cause it often looks like I'm upset or down. It's quite frustrating when it's just how you are, and that's 'normal' for you.

Dear Patty, I am 45 but still: I so feel you! I do wish to you from the bottom of my heart that you will feel better though! Keep up fighting.

I'm so sorry to hear this has been your experience, Patty. It's terrible. 😪

I am 29, and out of all the comments, yours felt like I wrote it myself. I remember feeling this way since I was a child, it just exhausting at this point; not worth another try. Keeping to myself and putting on the happy suit is what it feels like every day.

I've been researching the psylocibin microdosing. It looks very promising as long as you do the microdosing correctly, too much or too little obviously doesn't work. When you can't get help from licensed doctor and life is flying by you sometimes you have to be your own advocate and go with the successful treatment even if at the time it is illegal to obtain the very drug that "is" working. You can't overdose on it. You don't have to buy it on the street. Even if I'm wrong about it and I can still function safely and feel mentally better, to me it's worth it. 🙏

I'm 46, and I'm coming to the realization that my dysthymia is a lifelong, uphill battle, in two feet of soul crushing mud. Am I depressed because I'm rejected by society, or am I rejected by society, because nobody wants to be around someone who's depressed? Since there's no clear answer, I'm left frustrated, crying and alone, searching for anyone to latch onto. Searching for anything to latch onto. Fuck it.

Alex, I’m sorry your therapist framed it up that way for you. It’s something that, although yes it doesn’t “get cured”, it is something you can learn to navigate. Being on antidepressants has made a world of difference for me. Also the more self-aware you become, the better you will be able to manage it when you feel it coming on. Check this video I made as it may give you some things you can work on to deal with this. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-sMpiqqEDCO8.html

Uau, this happened with me too, the doutor said it was my personality. Marcus, your video is amazing, because I was able ti remove the guilty I had about "not doing the right things" like have no blue light at night. Thank you so much!

@@MarcusRideout For me real hell started a year ago. Yes, I was pessimistic in many ways, always expecting worse... well It was bearable. There was hobbies, friends, joy. Yes, with bitter aftertaste, but it was fine.few years ago i met a girl. Wonderful, most kind and beautiful. And she was like a shining light for me. I don't know, how to explain... well i was recreating myself for her. Working, to became better person. it was short period of time, when i was a happy man. But... a year+ ago everything changed. She betrayed me for a Narcissist (she didn't know about that). And in that moment it was like all world collapsed for me. And this thing... dystimia started to blossom at full speed. Like all negative amplified 100 times. And my life became a nightmare. I self isolated from world. I dont' want to see people, don't want to bring that darkness to friends, to smile is almost impossible task. I abandon all hobbies, all interests everything. Everything became pointless. And this feel of guilt, that It's my fault, that this woman now with a narc. I can'r rid of that. And my only real wish is to die. Only thing, that stop me from killing myself is my father. He is 74 years old and he need my help. Sorry for bad english, I'm not english speaking person.

100% - it’s not just “oh you are just feeling down”. A lot of my life experience has felt dread-focused. I’ve never been one to struggle with suicidal thoughts though death was something that was often on my mind. Medication has really helped level me out - I still have noticeable down phases however it feels a lot more manageable, and I feel like I can feel the positives a lot more now too.

You're welcome for the video. sorry to hear you're navigating this - it's not a fun journey by any means, but at least having a diagnosis gives you the ability to learn more about how your body and mind works. Make sure you plug in with a support system - friends who are aware of my situation have been immensely helpful in my journey.

Here’s to hoping the knowledge of what you’re experiencing helps to make it easier to deal with! It doesn’t vanish, sadly, but having the language to identify the experience helps

Sorry to hear things have been so rough for you, Alex. I really hope you can begin to find some peace and clarity in navigating the recent part of your journey.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been diagnosed with this. It’s kinda intense when you realize that most people don’t feel like how we do, eh? How have you been since the diagnosis?

I’m 49. I wish I got a diagnosis & treatment as a teenager or in my early 20’s, before I really spun out of control. There’s no switch that can be flipped to rewire the mind. It’ll some work to develop better coping skills, but will be worth it in the long run. You might be a bit more pessimistic than some of your peers, but changing negative self-talk is doable. One thing I wish I realized, when I was 22 and just graduated college is that life keeps giving us opportunities. Not obtaining one goal or getting rejecting does not mean nothing more is possible. Really had an all or nothing mindset back then. I hope all the best for you and know depressive thinking doesn’t have to be permanent. P.S. Something else I learned the hard way, perfectionism doesn’t make one perfect. It leads to procrastination and avoiding risks.

Boy, you really aren't alone. But knowing so many around me say the exact same things I do helps soooo much. I almost feel a little happiness😊

Hey there! I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this right now. This shit isn't easy - and I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with your therapist. It took almost 2 whole months for antidepressants to work for me, and most people who I've connected with say it's been somewhere between 6-8 weeks for them as well. I only share that because it may be worth exploring again and talking with your family doctor. I was put on a 50mg dosage and my doctor increased it to 75mg at our 6 week checkup. It may sound weird to say it, but I can't imagine going back to life without medication. I know it doesn't work for everyone, and some folks have a helluva time trying to find the right match of medication for their brain wiring, but holy smokes things have been enjoyable again. The first few months of 2022 have been the best months of my life. I still have down phases, and I don't feel like I've fully recouped from what 2021 was, but I feel like I'm on the right track, if that makes sense. I wish you luck in your journey - do your best to surround yourself with others who can share their experiences with you too. I found the Dysthymia subreddit to be immensely helpful to not feel alone. Link here: www.reddit.com/r/dysthymia/

​@@MarcusRideouthow are you doing now

Thanks for sharing your story too, Jenny!

You're welcome on sharing it, Tiffany. It's def not an easy thing to navigate.

Wow, thanks for taking the time to share this. I can only imagine what it's felt like, especially when people associate 'depression symptoms' with 'suicide' or 'suicidal thoughts'. Not having those used to make me think "oh I guess I'm not depressed" or whatever, and it's a sneaky way to minimize what you're experiencing. I've been on Zoloft for 14 months now, and added Wellbutrin last month to help counter some of the sexual side effects (ie: not being able to finish as easily, lower sex drive). I've found that the combination has really helped - the Wellbutrin has helped put more pep in my step, so to say, where as the Zoloft alone was good at helping reduce the down stuff, though also makes it kinda just 'im existing' elsewhere... mind you 'existing' is better than the shit that PDD is like without it, so I'm still tinkering and working with my doctor to find the best fit for me. Best of luck in your journey.

Hey thanks for sharing! I'm glad my video was able to give you some hope. Sorry to hear you had such a rough experience with a partner downplaying your situation.

The same exact thing happened to me. If you ever want to talk about it, lmk. Hope you found some relief, I did. However.. years later I’m here. Something is a little off, so back to the drawing board.

Good luck! No need to feel crazy, either. It can def be overwhelming leading up to getting a diagnosis, but I found things a bit more easier to handle once I knew what I was navigating. Make sure to plug into a community with others who have navigated the journey - can help you not feel as alone. When I was first diagnosed I was on the subreddit for Dysthymia a bit - helped give me more context. Link here: www.reddit.com/r/dysthymia/

I can relate. Same situation is here for me. Thanks for sharing. Love to you.

Good luck and start medicine you will be just normal as other people i suffer all my lifer as a kind with dysthymia i was different from other i stayed alone much time didnt enjoy anything in life as a kid and a teenager in 2019i visit a psychiatrist and diagnose with dysthymia i got 30 appoinments with psychiatrist i have 3 years with medicine citalopram give by doctor in second year i diagnosed from cyclothymia caused by long time with dysthymia 3 years my freind i got psychotherapy light therapy i have to little improvements all over the years but now i feel 45% improvement it does to many months to see improvements with dysthymia now i feel it i feel much better dont want to stay alone anymore but you have to have faith and patience with this condition there is light in end of the tunnel.respect

Hey there! First off, I'm so sorry you have to deal with PDD. It's not a fun one. It's not something that ever really goes away, but thankfully it can become a lot more manageable if you're willing to put in the work and to be super vulnerable when you're going through the hard times. No shame in exploring medications with your family doctor either!

It’s definitely a tough one to navigate. Even with medication you still experience lows, though they don’t seem to last nearly as long as when I wasn’t on it. It was somewhat of a relief to be told what it was and be able to label it / be aware what’s going on when in the thick of it

Have you tried diet? I eat basically Mediteraean and after 7 years + running, and im getting much better. So sorry you have been so tortured for so long. My depression also started after ouberty

If my family didnt support me with money, i dont know if i would still be here

But now i feel normal...

I can relate so much to this.. I’m going through the same thing myself. I’m 27 and I’ve had PDD/Dysthymia since I was diagnosed at 16 but I’m pretty sure I’ve had it since I was a child. This disorder is so heavily understated. It’s a constant battle. It feels like it’s gotten even worse as I’ve gotten older and now that I’m a mother it’s way more difficult to handle.. I hope you find peace and happiness. God bless

You're welcome, Anna :D

Hey Anwesha! Not a problem in sharing at all - not many folks talking about this it seems. Sorry to hear you’ve been diagnosed with PDD - it doesn’t ever really “go away” but learning how to navigate it + using the tools available thanks to science and counselling can make things a lot more bearable!!! Best of luck in your journey navigating this!

I’m sorry to hear that’s been your experience.

Well thank you- I’m glad you enjoyed it. 😀

You’re welcome - yea that’s a very scary feeling to have to navigate when in that phase of “not knowing”. Good luck in your exploration!!

Hey thanks for sharing your perspective Shannon! I like that analogy too. The main thing is to make sure you talk with your doctor and be very open through the process. It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.

Wow, thank you, first and foremost, for being so vulnerable and sharing this, Tornike. It's definitely not an easy one to navigate - living with existential dread is a real buzz-kill and one I'm all too familiar with. I hope you have a great week, dude!

Hey thanks for sharing, Mia. I’m glad this video helped you with putting your feelings into words. I’d suggest talking with your family doctor or a psychiatrist for exploring a diagnosis or what’s up

Hey I'm sorry to hear you've had to navigate life with it. Any tips or insights that have helped you over the years that you can share with me + anyone else reading comments?

No need to apologize for the 'essay of a text' :-) What has had you attention or focus recently? Any thing that's helped give you something to work towards?

Heya Anne Taylor! I'm so sorry to hear this is the case for him, however on the plus side, it's super awesome to see you showing up and looking for ways you can help and be there for him. We need more moms like you in the world :-)

You’re welcome! I’m sorry to hear you’ve been living with it - it’s no fun. On the plus side, at least you know what it is you’re navigating and can live life in the know. It doesn’t make it easier, but it’s def something that allows us to give ourselves some more grace, knowing it’s “beyond our control”.

Hey thanks for sharing, Laetitia! I'm glad it helped with articulating your experience. PS: Sorry to hear it's something you have to navigate, though.

That's definitely not a fun story we tell ourselves, eh? Glad to read that you've found a degree of clarity from working with a psychiatrist. Here's to rockin' it moving forward 🙂

@@MarcusRideout thank you!

@@MaryVerhomi you're welcome :D

Hey! Thanks for sharing - glad it was able to keep ya til the end :-) It def sounds like a tough experience you've led. Similar here, I cut out alcohol as well. Not cause I was a heavy drinker, but figure I didnt need to add any fuel to the fire.

Glad to hear you've been seeking professional help, and yea, it sucks (but I'd rather know what I'm dealing with than feel powerless). Hopefully you find the meds help - it's made a world of difference for me. I still find I get hit with sessions of really intense depression, but it only seems to last a couple hours vs days/weeks now, so it feels a bit more manageable. Jan and Feb have been the best months of my adult life, no joke. I'll be 36 in April and never knew life could 'feel this good'

I've been told about this condition, and I surprisingly could relate to it very much. I'd like to know more about what is the "main" driver that keeps you down, if you don't mind sharing? If I had to answer the same question, I'd say what makes me dread life, is the state of society and the current system. is it similar to you? Or maybe revolves around more personal subjects?

100% hear you on this. That’s very similar to how I felt - this thing masquerading as almost-normal but slightly off. The double depression hits are a mother f’ker too. That’s what sent me down on my spiral shortly after closing shop on my previous business

Right on! Glad you found this video helpful. Make sure you speak with a medical professional as well - you can get some assessments done and see if there are any underlying issues that can create similar symptoms too! :D Good luck.

@@MarcusRideout definitely I'll meet tomorrow.Thanks for your reply brother

@@MarcusRideout Hello bro.. Hope you are doing good Have you feel any dysthymia symptoms After your treatment..because I also started taking medicine. Thank you brother

Kinda trippy to experience that "mirror" moment, eh? Sorry to hear it's something you have to navigate though!

Oh wow, thank you for the kind words! I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been experiencing life that way - the gaslighting part sounds absolutely awful. Have you started building a supportive network of people you can talk with? Are there any meetup like events you could attend where you live? @corsothehealer

@@MarcusRideout Thanks for reply! I need to have a look into available communities, for now it seems that the only such supportive community are LGBTQ+ youngsters in the capital city, who are misunderstood as much.

Well hey! Thank you for the kind words :-) Best of luck navigating this chapter of your story!

Heya Susan! I’m really glad to hear this video was helpful for you. Sorry to hear you’re navigating this, though. It’s no fun

Wow, thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what impact it’s made on your life - I’m glad to hear those aspects have helped! I’m just getting the working out thing started over here.

I think there's something to be said about being able to look inward when it feels like the walls are crashing in. Most folks don't make space to sit in the silence (regardless of having depression).If it ever gets to a place of being unbearable make sure to speak up and talk to others. You don't have to go through it alone.

Heya Rhea! I'm so glad you finally went and had your first session. I'm also glad you had a positive "a-ha" moment there, cause it's not as quick for a lot of folks. Must have been challenging to go and be vulnerable in front of your parents - I'm not that open with my dad about my struggles, and I feel like he'd never relate, based on previous experiences. I had a similar story as you, in regards to how long it took me to go. I was searching for a male therapist for 6 months prior to actually going. I found the exact person I wanted to see, based on their webpage and "vibe", but it took me 6 months to finally book the session. I've been working with him since Aug 2019 and it's been one of the best things I've ever done.

Awesome!

Thanks Ben! Appreciate ya 😁

You’re welcome, Kei! What have you found to help you on the journey of dealing with it? Are you on medication as well?

@@MarcusRideout Yep, on medication as well. So far, I found that having a routine plus tracking my mood, symptoms and triggers help me manage it.

@@kentaro0096 likewise! I actually just filmed another video when I made this one on my routine to help manage this, and tracking my mood def made the cut! How long have you had your diagnosis / “officially” been dealing with it? (Obviously it shows up well before a diagnosis too)

@@MarcusRideout I've been dealing with it since my teen years, and only got diagnosed 4 years ago.

@@kentaro0096 oof. It’s crazy how long this thing kicks around before realizing it for what it is

Thanks for sharing - I'm glad to hear that medicine was helpful, and that you paired it with both DBT and CBT. I hope things go smooth for you in the transition phase off of the meds. It's something I've wondered about myself - if there's ever a point where life can work without them or if it's best to be a continued part of the journey.

Hey dude! First off, thanks for taking the time to share your story. This stuff is no joke. I went through a similar feeling - worked with my therapist for 2 years but never felt like it was moving the needle where I needed it - still work with him for other areas, though! That led me to seeking out help + getting assessed. Go for it - you may learn a thing or two. :-) I'd rather 'know' what's up cause then I feel I can do the work to help accommodate it + learn how to be more kind to myself. Good luck!!!

That's tough, Doug. Sorry to hear that's been your experience. It's definitely not something I would wish on anyone. It's wild though, I'm guessing you've found a degree of success in what you do, but that no matter how much you get good at the craft there's this underlying thing just bubbling beneath the surface.

You're welcome, Steven.

You're welcome. It's not easy, eh?

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that Stephanie. On the bright side, at least you now know what you're dealing with and moving forward it helps. When I go through what feels like 'waves' of depression, I try to remind myself that what I'm experiencing is like being out in the ocean on a surfboard and being caught in a storm... and I just gotta hang on to the surfboard and eventually the ocean will chill the heck out.

It's not a fun one, eh? Sorry to hear you've had to deal with this - I wouldn't wish it on anyone else either.

I'm glad to read that you feel you are making progress, Richard. It's really tough to live with, and the worst part of depression is it really stacks that feeling of "I'm in this alone". Thank you for sharing your story - I believe that the more of us that speak up and share our experiences, the more light we can shine on this, the better things can be for others. It won't cure us, it won't take away those really off days, but my god it helps to not feel alone.

Time to talk with a trained professional. Only so much good can come from self-diagnosing :-) If it makes you feel any better, since starting medication life has felt so much better these past 10 months. I don't feel that overwhelming sense of dread nearly as much. The pointlessness of everything has melted away and I find I'm having fun in my life again. You don't have to go through this alone - time to step up and speak up. You can change your trajectory - best of luck in your journey, Bo!

Yep, the constant feelings of emptiness and Anhedonia are how I feel too. Positive experiences do nothing to even reduce these feelings either. Certain medications can help certain aspects of this illness but cause their own problems. Hard daily exercise is the only thing I’ve found that is effective but even that is getting tiresome

Hey thanks for going into detail and sharing your experience, Arne. Definitely can understand where you're coming from and have felt similar feelings. It's weird being someone who's been so driven and a 'go-getter' and seeing how this can still take us out. A lot of folks I've connected with don't even have the drive to make anything happen in their life.

describing it as a hangover is perfect. like your body feels it was too high on life not even just heppy moments but everyday things and has to punish you.

Hey Wendell! Thanks for sharing your story - I’m sure it’s not easy to open up about this stuff. Have you had a chance to talk with your family doctor or a counsellor yet? It can really help working with someone who’s professionally trained and can help you navigate this! You got this!!!

Yea it’s a wild realization when you find out that the majority of folks don’t feel that way

Heya Maurrreese! I'm sorry to hear that you got hit with this, it's not an easy thing to navigate... however like you said, it's wild how all of a sudden your adult life experience can make a whole lot more sense. What do you feel you will be doing moving forward? Do you have a support system in place of friends or loved ones that you can have open conversations with when going through the hard times?

First off - you're welcome on making the video. When I got dialed in with what I was dealing with a lot more of my adult life experiences made sense. It's sad to read that there isn't a cure and it's something we have to learn to navigate and live with - I hope you can do what you need to in order to 'let the help in'. It takes work, especially when in the lows - I'm rooting for ya!

Hey good on you for seeking more clarity on your situation. I’m sure it’s led to a mix of emotions and feelings, and a TON of reading/researching about the topic. There’s nothing “wrong” with ya, your brain just does things a bit different and it takes time to learn to navigate the hand we’ve been dealt. :D Wish you the best of luck with the journey moving forward - make sure you plug into communities and places where you can talk with others about PDD!

Don’t fear taking meds as they can help certain issues . I highly recommend trying them but just keep an eye out for side effects

You're not the only one who it takes a while to get to the realization - it's super easy to beat yourself up, like you said. I don't even know if I "feel like myself again" as much as "I feel I have some balance and can focus on who I want to be". Not sure if that makes sense.

@@MarcusRideout exactly. there's no "again" since the "normal" it's the racing, negative thoughts. so actually, i feel weird. like my mien is too quiet lol but all in a better way now with medication

Thanks dude, and also, holy smokes, sorry to hear you've been navigating that journey! How are things going in your world these days?

@@MarcusRideout its been quite a journey - Bladder Cancer. I didn't know it was a thing, until the doc said it. Medically retired from the military after 31 years, going to school full time for digital marketing right now.

@@RobTruscott That's cool that you're pursuing digital marketing now! It's a super fun field to work in - what do you want to do with it moving forward? Also - got the cancer thing under control / is it in remission?

@@MarcusRideout Right now, I live in Halifax, and I volunteer with the Bladder Cancer Canada, so these skills will help me be a better volunteer, for them and other fundraising events I support. The doc is happy with how cancer goes, but 60-80% chance of recurrence, so he says it will likely come back eventually. He uses the term - "No evidence of Disease".

@@RobTruscott That's great that you're able to lend your skills to help raise awareness, and also that things are going smooth in your world with "no evidence of disease". PS: I'm from Newfoundland originally - love the East Coast! :-)

🙂

Hey thanks for sharing, Alfredo! Glad to hear that therapy has been helpful for you. What sort of therapy have you been doing? Cheers from Canada 🙂

@@MarcusRideout was psychotherapy, they taught me how to manage my perception of my own thougts in stressful situations, also manage and recognize some experiences that were influential since my childhood and so on..., Really, what I learned is that therapy has a lot to do with the type of personality.

@@alfredoarnezvaldes6810 Thanks for sharing - that's insightful :-)

You're welcome! What sort of things have you found to help you better live with it?

@MarcusRideout well I've just started therapy and trying to be as open to this as possible. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week that seems to be an outlet for me. I'm working on developing more healthy coping methods

Heya Carl! First off, I’m sorry you’ve had to live with dysthymia. It’s no fun at all. Def hear you - I have been a big Nirvana fan for a long time. Did a 10 year anniversary show of his passing and even smashed a guitar on stage Cobain style 😅 Any practical tips or experiences that have helped you navigate the dark days? Yoga and exercise seem to be good for folks, though it can be tough as nails to do anything when in the pits of it.

@@MarcusRideout Hi Marcus, I really appreciate your reply, thank you. I'm happy to hear that Nirvana means a lot to you, too! Regarding tips for navigating the dark days - here are some things that have helped me: - Psychotherapy has been a huge help. Cognitive behavioral therapy, to be specific. However, the most important thing there is to find a competent therapist, in my experience. My first attempt at therapy was when I was 15, and that therapist was terrible - after that, I felt that therapy was not going to help me at all. It took me 20+ years, a divorce and years of suffering to give therapy another go. I'm glad I did - the therapist I found 2 years ago is great, and his therapy helps A LOT. So I encourage anyone struggling with dysthymia to get professional help from a therapist who knows their stuff - it really can make a huge difference! - Yoga practice is a game changer for me. I remember hearing about yoga again and again, shrugging it off like - "Yeah, I know it would be a good thing to do, but... whatever" But I met great yoga teachers who gave me a very simple, beginner's ten minute sequence of yoga asana - and starting the day with those ten minutes of yoga changes the quality of the day for the better. It really is remarkable. And in the evening, 10 to 15 minutes of meditation - just sitting, focusing on the breath, letting thoughts just come and go - helps me make peace with whatever BS the day has brought my way. - Writing songs is carthatic. It helps me express those haunting thoughts and feelings, and turning that stuff into art is a way of transcending/ digesting it. And here's the caveat - you are absolutely right: When the days get especially dark, one just doesn't have the energy to do anything to get better. If that's the case, my advice is: Fall, when falling is what is happening right now. It's not going to last anyway; for the time being, just be with that hopelessness. I learned this from a Chögyam Trungpa book ("Crazy Wisdom") - hopelessness is a key ingredient to the spiritual path. Sometimes, it is our idea that we shouldn't feel this sh*tty that makes feeling this sh*tty unbearable. Sometimes, I just sink. And that's okay, because that won't last either. That's the kind of "wisdom" I got from 25 years of dysthymia. Hope that was helpful. I wish you all the best. Kind regards

I totally understand this comment - that whole 'seeing the world in grey' stuff resonates hard. Hopefully you find the meds help - it's made a world of difference for me. I still find I get hit with sessions of really intense depression, but it only seems to last a couple hours vs days/weeks now, so it feels a bit more manageable.

Hey I'm glad to read that you're dad is helping you with the support financially and with the medication. It's not easy to navigate, however kudos to you for still pushing forward and seeking help when otheres didn't understand what you are going through. It takes time to learn how to "ride the waves", however at least now it seems like you have a better understanding of what you are dealing with. It doesn't take away the hard parts, but it makes it a bit more manageable, I find.

I guess the silver lining is it can lead to becoming more self-aware, if you're willing to do the work? Kinda forces one to do it a lot quicker than living without it, but that's just my hypothesis lol

Hey thanks for sharing Derrek! How long have you been on them? 100% feel ya on that experience - It's been similar on my end too. If I had of known what it would be like for me, personally, on the other side I would have been on them waaaaaay sooner.

@@MarcusRideout like 6 years now!

@@derrekord oh wow! What led you down that path? The whole self-awareness thing that comes leading up to it is kinda wild.

@@MarcusRideout I decided I would either die, or fight to get better. It was rock bottom. I couldn't even leave my house. Then I finally got out for walks, went into stores, saw friends again, and built step by step. The meds just gave me a little help doing these. Since then I've hosted concerts, gave talks, etc. The bottom line is I just wasn't quite ready to throw in the towel.

@@derrekord dude, that's some powerful stuff right there. seriously. thanks for taking the time to share your experience - I'm sure it will help others who are struggling too!

It's really not a fun one, eh? Im so sorry to hear you've been struggling with this. Have you been seeking help or speaking with your family doctor?

Sorry to hear you've had that experience. I initially went to test for ADHD as well as 5 of my closest friends all have it and I thought it was an odd coincidence lol. Similar thing with you, hit a lot of the checkmarks for PDD according to the DSM5.

Ah that sounds like it's a rough experience. What have you been doing to try and navigate it all? I hear ya on the sleep thing, for sure.

Heya Christine! I started with a psychologist - looked for ones that were reputable in my city. I didn't know "what" (if anything) was off with me, so I asked to be tested for everything. She did a series of cognitive function tests, for ADHD, Depression, etc. It was pretty grueling and my brain was fried after. Might be worth asking your family doctor to get your thyroid levels checked as well - that's something I also live with, and if i miss my thyroid supplement I will feel it 100%. Lot of things can work against your brain, but you're not alone in this. Seeking clarity is a big step. You got this!

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time right now. It’s a valid fear to have - that “nothing’s wrong” be the response when everything feels so dark.

You’re welcome 🙂

Heya Christine! Sorry to hear you've been struggling with this. It's not easy, at all. Medication has been immensely helpful for me, however it doesn't ever 'disappear', sadly. Been having a bad bout of it this week, myself. Make sure you have a solid connection group of people you can talk to whenever going through a hard time. Best of luck!

Sounds like a familiar quote :-)

Ah, wow. It's fascinating how we get those moments of clarity when it's at those rock bottom moments. How have things been for you since then? Do you feel like anything has changed just by having perspective on what you're dealing with now? (fully aware it doesn't really ever "cure")

@@MarcusRideout I find knowing what has been 'wrong' in my life very revealing. It explains sooo much! And it makes handling stuff better. But I am still learning: the last couple of weeks were rough and I found out that it probably was a double depression (which I didn't know existed).

@@stupid4President oh you were recently diagnosed? I def went through Double Depression, which is what led me to get assessed, so I know what you're talking about. That was a really rough few weeks for me.

@@MarcusRideout bro DO WHITH PDD CAN Lead to PTSD OR SCHNIZOPHERNIA.OR BIPOLAR

If you find a solution, please let me know! I still struggle with reading to this day - and I was an avid bookworm reading a few books a month regularly.

Woah, that's intense. It's so bizarre that we still can't find a solution that doesn't impact other areas... The nature thing def helps - fresh air and movement is a plus. Doesn't take away the edge, but it's better than the alternative.

Heya, sorry for the long delay to reply - just catching up on comments today. How have things been going since your psychologist mentioned this? What have you been doing / learning about yourself since?

I’m so glad that you found this video to be as helpful as you shared, Lillian! This made my day. :-) I know how difficult it can feel, and it’s really fascinating how our minds make us think “it’s not that bad” or “it can’t be depression” if you can have what looks like a balanced life of friendships, work, and study. I think that was the biggest hurdle I had too, especially as someone who’s self employed and who tends to look at the world through a “problem solving lens”. Keep me posted with how things go - I’d highly recommend exploring medication, even if it’s just temporary to help balance things out a bit. I wish I knew life could feel as good as it does on the other side - it’s kinda weird to say, but I almost forget how life felt before it. It’s been a night and day difference for me. Also the therapy thing is even more important. I view medication as kinda like a ladder to help you climb outta the ‘pit’, but you still need to take the ‘steps’ and climb it. Therapy has helped me gain a lot of perspective and to be more kind to myself when I’m having an off-day. They still happen with meds, but not nearly as intense as before, and now I find I’m more tuned in and can tell when it’s happening.

@@MarcusRideout Thanks so much for your kind reply, Marcus! Yes I do think that is indeed the main problem with persistent depressive disorder... That one doesn't feel entitled to the way one feels and it takes a long time to seek help. Also your point of view on mediation helps a lot and it is exactly what my therapist told me as well. But hearing it from somebody how actually experienced it themselves is a different thing. in my country and culture, therapy and medication is something that isn't talked about much or accepted. It's really good to read the difference both made for you and I hope to see more about your journey. Keep doing what you're doing!

That's rough, I'm sorry to hear that's been your experience. Hopefully now that you know what you're dealing with you can build your life in a way that is aware of what your brain goes through. I'm really wishing you all the best - have you started taking meds or talking with your family doctor about it?

🌩ZAP! 😀

That’s a totally valid fear that I had to face too. Best way is to start with a google search in the local area! 😀 good luck with it!!!

Thanks :D

You’re welcome 😃

Hey thanks for sharing your story and experience. It's almost like "everything makes much more sense, now!" after I received my diagnosis. Any tips for keeping on top of things when the PDD kicks in (for me / anyone else reading)?

Well there are some foods that could lessen it,the relation between foods and sickness has come a long way.For me the key is mostly distraction. going outside getting (vitamine D ) a dog would be best sins it sets routines and it gives a reason to be outside.

Oh almost forgot, there is a fairly new study done on depression ( the new mind-body science of depression ) but so far i've been lacking in focus to start with it. Think there is something on u tube about this book too.

The u tube link is : what's the point of depression