Living with Borderline Personality Disorder // whats it like?  

This is in my opinion one of the only videos I can relate to! Thank you for making this video 💕

What is it like? The good days are amazing and the bad days are suicidal. No cure, no pill, only dbt, and aging helps a little. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

The problem with treating BPD is we become so self aware that others can’t understand. We are hyper focused on becoming “normal” and it wears us out. Keep in mind this is only my experience and I mean no disrespect

The feeling numb part hit me hard. Exactly how I feel 24/7. No empathy for anyone whatsoever

I 100% understand that numb feeling in conversation. It feels like spacing out but actually being in outer space where there is nothing there…. You almost feel weightless. Another thing about it is my face feels so relaxed that it I think that relaxed feeling contributes to the numbness

I’ve recently been diagnosed and I was told the same thing “to go and do some research”. So I’ve been looking for more personal experience videos like this one but all I could find was mostly the basic symptoms and information for people who have loved ones with BPD etc it’s so nice to finally hear from a personal experience. This is video is very helpful thank you for sharing it

Some days are draining.. I hate how it takes my emotions to a different level and I have no control over it. I just try and shut my emotions down, and I come across as stuck up..

Thank you for this. Hearing people w/ BPD tell their stories helps me understand my own. Totally feel what you're saying about the numbness. For me, I think it's a reflex formed from years of trying to blend in. Most people in most spaces accept such a narrow range of emotions & expression. Blunting the feelings is often less painful than the friction they cause. Or sometimes the numbness is outright disassociation. At any rate, thanks again for creating this video. It's really affirming to hear other people talk about BPD authentically.

Wow. Very relatable and reassuring. It’s ok to recognize that you’re not ok.

I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD. To hear someone explain so many different things I feel and experience especially the belief that I shouldn’t be here and it doesn’t go away, makes me feel not so alone with it. But I am sorry you too have this disorder I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thank you for sharing and continuing to share your experiences I think it really can help others and bring more awareness to the disorder.

What a beautiful person you are!!!! When we are exposed to trauma as a child/young person….this gives a foothold to spiritual oppression, I was 11 and nearly overdosed not on purpose, I was living in a toxic home with an semi alcoholic single mum, who was battling her own demons from her childhood, I was amongst so much turmoil and emotional pain….BUT I felt she loved me and she wasn’t mean too me, she was just self sabotaging which left me feeling alone and sometimes quite helpless! She had weird friends that were into all sorts…spiritually speaking….I’d been in a seance at like 11 years old in a circle with someone there trying to levetate, we lived in a 17th century cottage (VERY HEAVY SPIRITS THERE) and had MANY ‘Experiences’ as a child! I’ll be be straight up…I wasn’t bought up with any religion, and was given a Bible in year 6 when I left the Church Of England School I left…this saved me! Without sounding preachy, all the demonic oppression and influence that was chasing me and my environment was being exposed when I read the words in this Bible I started to read! It was like something shifted, I could feel cracks of happiness, something I didn’t have much of as a child, I felt love when I read this bible! It’s not been plain sailing ATALL my mums battling suicidal episodes and I’m a mummy of five and married and juggling all life throws! And could go on for days about my struggles! I can promise you, read the bible…start in Mathew (New Testament) or Proverbs and soak it in! Don’t let that devil tell you you’re not worthy, you’re better dead, you’re a nobody etc …the Words in the bible do set you free! It all starts in the mind! The battles are all there! And we can have victory over depression, negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness! I’m in UK (moved from London to Kent) also and mixed race so when I saw you I felt I wanted to share a little! As we have few things in common! Sorry to leave such a long comment…,I really never do this…I’m in my car outside my home stuck here writing! Have a great day Stacie

thank you for this, i relate to a lot of the symptoms for bpd and this video is very informative, and yes the being cold point you brought up is so annoying

FINALLY! A video including a real person's symptoms! Everything I've found on bpd says impulsively is spending 5 grand that you don't have or that the manipulation is (⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️) telling people you'll commit su**ide if you don't get your way. The basic symptoms felt right (and I agree it feels like something is missing) but all the examples have been so extreme I was starting to think I was barking up the wrong tree. Thank you so much for making this video it's really helped me understand bpd. I've been doing research since my last diagnosis (which I firmly believe to be a misdiagnosis) and I think I'm now ready to approach my doctor with this! Edit: I haven't even finished the video yet but that part about messaging loved ones... literally what I just did like I paused the video to do that 4 minutes in 😂

Absolutely spot on way of describing, its like u r describing me! Very good video, as like u say it’s hard to find any good videos 👍🏼

I'm pretty sure I suffer from bpd. My father was emotionally absent. He was at home, but just not there. Never received any congratulations for anything, never got a hug from him, never had any talks with him at all. Never attended any graduations and the list goes on. I feel like us men yearn for acceptance and recognition from a father figure in life. At least a good job, I'm proud of you or an I love you and i never got that. If he was compactly not in the picture it might have been better because i wouldn't have kept trying to get his attention. In my culture you're told to just man up and push through. I am 30 years old now and because of this I've never had a true sense of self and still don't. I feel empty everyday. Constantly changing who I am, what my interests are, what I want to do in life. I've damaged relationships with women in my life because of it and constantly feel guilt. Its exhausting.

got diagnosed like a year ago, i have quiet borderline but i can really relate to what you are saying! :) Thanks for speaking out, helps more than you think

Damn, thanks for the honesty. Sometimes I feel guilty for the things I feel with BPD, but this helps a lot.

Ty for this, it’s hard to talk to anyone about it bc of stigma. working to get a good dbt therapist soon, best of luck with you in your journey

Dude ♡ i wish u the absolute best even in times when u re not feelin worthy of it, you so are

Thank you for helping me feel like I’m not alone :)

Thank you, Jacklyn. It's brave of you to do this, and helpful!

I’ve been diagnosed with bpd 6 months ago and I’ve been trying to figure myself out, it’s so reassuring to see someone who’s great at explaining it and there perspective on living with it. So relatable and helpful so thank you :)

Thank you so much for sharing. I really appreciate how open you were, and it really helped me understand so much better. You’re a very eloquent and cool individual ❤❤ hope you remember that the world is lucky to have you.

Thank you so much for this video. There’s not many videos about what it’s like having BPD and that makes me feel alone but your video helped me be less alone. Thank you so much for sharing!

So much trueness. Bpd is a daily struggle. Great video

I find it really hard to control my mood changes with people close to me. Esspecially in relationships as there is more of a pressue to be loving 24/7 and that is not me. People really struggle to get used to the pushing and pulling and often take it personally. I have avoided relationships my whole life as I often leave disappointed with having a black and white view on things. However when I do look back, it was always me that left due to being exhausted mentally, trying to put this mask on for the sake of not hurting them even more. Thank you for opening up about this. You're not alone

Really educational, glad I stumbled across your channel! Subbed 🌈

Absolutely brilliant video, wow you are so open and articulate in the way you describe your lived experience. My girlfriend was diagnosed many years ago and (very long story) we’re still not living together just yet and she has a massive fear of being loved and being happy, but she’s as amazing as you and I’m sure she’ll relate to everything you say. Please keep the videos coming Jaclyn. 🥰

Thank you so much for this. I have just been diagnosed and a lot of the things you have described is me to a T, especially the mood switching

This is everything! Everything you said I was nodding my head agreeing say “yep that’s me” I’m having a really bad episode right now and this was spot on well done ❤️

Thank you. This is exactly what I needed.

Oh my gosh. I was diagnosed with bpd and I would always look to RU-vid to relate and understand how it affects others. This is the first video that feels relatable and not so textbook like. Very specific details that I’m like YES, NO ONE HAS TALKED ABOUT THAT

Thank you so much❤I've been dealing with my partner who' suffers from personality disorder watching you on this video made me understand it more thankyou ❤❤

I loved your explanation for black and white thinking, I've always seen it referenced to people "this person is either all good or all bad" I'm considering going and getting examined for borderline and if I do have it, it would be the quiet type So for me I really related to "my life is either all good or all bad right now" because I go through that a lot

Thank you for sharing you're experience. I'm thankful I came across you're channel today. I have been diagnosed with BPD, and this all VERY relatable. I'm in the early stages of learning about my BPD. Subscribing now.

I live with BPD.I can relate all ... Thank you for share! It's very helpful . ❤️

Hiya, I really liked your video, so much more informative than reading a dry textbook. It was good to see you again, I have to say that I enjoyed working with you at St Andrew's.

I was diagnosed 6 months ago...and I struggle daily with all these everyday... anywhere...at any time....at any second ..it's nerve wracking.

Thank you so much for sharing this! It’s so relatable and I’m feeling so lost with this new diagnosis 🙏🏾💙

Thank you for this video. I feel like I'm going crazy and this made me feel a little less crazy

Thank you for this video! My wife has BPD and I am always trying to find ways to understand and help her situation. She does very well, but having 3 children is difficult for her sometimes.

Everything u said is exactly what I go through.

Great job with this I’m at the point where im so secluded from people because I’m so afraid of “being too much” Wether it’s friends, family or relationship. Idk the more educated and aware of the disorder I become the more I seclude myself. Just looking back that everything I put people through

First time I’ve heard ‘what is the PD and what is me’. Since getting diagnosed I’ve been totally consumed by it, but your genuine & human approach gives some hope. Would love to hear about any daily management tips / checking in with yourself etc

I’ve had ubpd for the past 8 years been arrested because of my anger , I’ve sliced veins self harming and I’ve separated from the world , in short it’s draining your mind doesn’t stop rushing and life at its worse can be hell , meds not nice but I guess I’m still here even though I feel worthless, love your tattoos ⭐️

I totally understand what you are trying to say about the numb feeling

That everyday think sounds like "chronic feelings of emptiness" I experience that pretty often, too The more bpd is studied the more it points back to A) neurodivergency B) giftedness Making genetic borderlines (with or without bpd: twice exceptional)

Love your videos! Binge watched them all yesterday, love your honesty. I’d love to see a video on how to balance bpd and parenthood if you’re ever up for that? Also, fellow Northamptonian here! 🙋🏻‍♀️

Thank you for sharing. very much can relate I go from 0-10,000,00 in my mind trying my best not to explode, then I will go on the kind extreme also for a sec then feel weird. I get tattoo's instead of self harm has become a sub. Best thing for me is to meditate multiple times a day. I feel bad for my son he gets it kinda but not really. I've been better sense I quit drinking but I still have my days and moments. wow someone that feels like i do.

I can relate to the attachment thing so much. I'm really trying to work on it

My switch to depression can be triggered by a thought. It's so frustrating.

I have been diagnosed recently...so this is so helpful

I agree 100% with all that you've said. Living with BDP feels exactly like that. Every feeling can be extreme

Thank you for making this video

Yo, great video, I can relate to everything on this💀hope you’re okay aha I’m going the gp tomorrow to see what’s going on

Getting so easily negatively effected is so hard and it taking the whole day and a sleep to get back to feeling normal no matter how much you wish you could smile and relax again because you know in your head it's not a big deal but can't help but feel like it is.

very helpful to know i'm not alone

Thank you! My journey through this just began and I am 43, just diagnosed. Currently, I feel like I've missed out on so much in my life, having not known what was going on in my brain, yet, continually involving myself in damaging relationships with narcissists. It's heartbreaking on so many levels but mostly I feel humiliation.

thank you for sharing

Ik this video is old but where u said “i didn’t know what parts of me were me and what parts were the bpd” and I’ve never thought bout that but that hit so fuckin hard I’ve never thought to differentiate myself and the bpd and maybe that’s why I’m not gettin better just worse. But that makes a lot of sense bc bpd makes u not really know who u are and just act what u see or know or who ur wit.

Thanks for this video. It’s so hard to explain what bpd puts u through

I have BPD and yes I understand about when you say you feel nothing when someone is expressing an issue that would require you to have empathy. Although I am extremely empathetic a lot of the time. There are just times when I feel absolutely nothing. I guess what would affect this must be whatever state of mind I’m in at the time and what I’ve been experiencing emotionally lately

Great info., to the point ...

I feel allll of these. id say the worst part to live with for me is allowing my favorite person decide how I feel. if its bad I will be so depressed and not care about anything or anyone, it also physically hurts and I feel like I'm dying. I hate it. but if its good then I'm sooo happy and everything is great. ugh

so many feelings arise in me as I watch this video, mainly stress and rage.

Yes I agree with all what you mentioned, I had a girlfriend that had this kind off issue funny thing is that I am in Nigeria but all your descriptions are extremely accurate with how she behaved ,it cost us our sweet relationship. But I think I need to get to her inorder for her to know this she struggled with it an it was overwhelming for me especially when she complains that she is feeling off..I mistook that for a red flag and I ended the relationship when she said she felt off 3 times....

I used to provide therapy as a behavioral health tech in the US Army, we worked under a licensed provider I have counseled dozens of Soldiers usually female with BPD, their issues were always some of the most challenging In your case I think its great that you are aware of BPD as it probably gives you some level of confidence and control I'm finishing up my Masters in Psychology and would suggest to you to maybe think about becoming a counselor

Thank you🙏🏾💗

Nice video) I also have BPD and bipolar disorder

The thing about ‘being cold’ terrifyingly makes perfect sense dw

I understand the part of not being emotional, when other talk to me, in my head I am asking them to go away, or I am blank. Nothing

1 Impulses 2 Attachments to other people are dramatic 3 Black and white view on Life 4 Misconceptions and manipulations 5 Frantic behavior 6 Reckless behavior 7 Need for validation 8 Mood switching 9 Hyper-emotional 10 Paranoia 11 Self-harm 12 Belief systems 13 Being cold toward others (sometime)

The amount of trauma and destruction people with BPD deal to others is extraordinary. You can’t love them until they make the effort to change. Otherwise they will destroy you, even if you unconditionally love them, in fact especially if you do

Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to have my husband watch in hopes it helps him

I haven’t been diagnosed but I feel like I have been driving myself insane trying to figure out with I have it or not. If I do have it, my mother has it 10 times worse than me. She has chased strangers in her car and chased them to parking lots to yell at them. She has outbursts where she says extremely hurtful things to my stepfather and I then cries in remorse hours later. I get the outbursts, I impulsively spend money, I binge eat. I have periods of time where I’m just numb or I get extremely hyper and bounce off the walls. I have self harm thoughts daily. I have lost a ton of friends due to my outbursts. I’ve talked to my therapist about it and she’s very quick to shut down the idea but I honestly think she doesn’t even listen to me or she just thinks I’m still “hormonal,” yet my friends are my age (20) and do not act this way. I had a panic attack driving home from my last therapy session because I felt so invalidated and that maybe I just have a spoiled or ignorant personality and that I’m just not a good person because I can actually control these outbursts and I’m not trying :( …it has been a very hard journey for me. I recently had an outburst that resulted in me blocking all of my friends’ numbers and they all went into a panic thinking I did something to myself and I just wiped off the face of the planet and it was over something that’s not normal to get angry about. I’m not sure if I possibly have something else? I’m just confused because my therapist says I shouldn’t worry about labels and that we’ll do a behavioral therapy treatment that people with bpd receive… I’m just confused, scared, and lost.

❤️❤️❤️

P.S you're so pretty

Most people who self-report as having BPD show heavy body modifications and usually wear heavy make-up or non-natural hair colors (e.g., pink, blue). Does that mean they struggle with a coherent sense of self? I have a loved one, an adolescent, who is showing BPD traits.

Thanks You echo me Matt in Texas

I'm a 23 year old guy from London and I also have quiet BPD (Or silent EUPD). It's like having Chlorine Trifluoride for emotions - and they are probably just as flammable! Edit: I really like your heart on cheek tattoo - is that a nod to Marina and the Diamonds?

Sooo….sometimes my girlfriend goes from being really happy where we are laughing and cuddling and then something I will say will irritate her a bit, something which I didn’t mean as offensive and then she flips into being extremely angry and then even once I reassure her there’s no reason to be angry anymore she stays mad for a long time gets really cold and has a hard time letting it go and goes from being lovey dovey with me to accusing me that I dont really love her. How do I deal with this? Is there a way to cheer her up? Is it a trust issue will it be there forever? We have been together a little over a year and both want to get married but if I will be with her for the long run I am hoping there’s a way to work through this.

I fluctuate between being tired from taking care of everyone in my life but stable, or being so overwhelmed all I want to do is cry.

Me and my former girlfriend broke up recently, she told me, in the beginning, she had borderline I didn't know what it was, as the relationship played out I started doing research because of some of her behaviors, in the early stages it was lots of pedastal idealization, I had just broken up with my ex who I belive was a narc maybe and the new bpd girl lets call her Mariah made me feel so good, I always told her she was treating me how I always wished I was treated, little did I know what I was in for LMFAO As soon as we were super official let's say like 5 months in, she started getting really clingy almost smothering, now I know why because of the abandonment issues. I would never cheat on this girl I am loyal and I loved her and I trusted her, but she never trusted me. I would see her get jealous over things that made zero sense. Eventually, I started pulling away in fear of losing my freedom, I couldn't;'t even go to the pub with my boys or let alone look at another girl without some remark. I eventually stopped having sex with her because of this, I lost my attraction. Then I would be guilt-tripped very bad for this, I eventually ended it after. 1.5 years because I couldn't take the constant nag, nothing was ever good enough. I loved this girl and had compassion for her now that I understood what BPD was I myself was ADHD and super CO Dependent. After the break up she started being super impulsive, doing drugs and finding a new partner, which turned into her getting pregnant ect all in one month of us breaking up. We tried to get back together just before she got pregnant but it was a mistake, then she went full-on with the next guy. I was completely devalued and ghosted not even willing to be civil friends . I miss this person dearly, and she recently texted me and we talked on phone and she says she still loves me ect, but she is in a crazy place, she told me her life doesn't seem real. It was sad because I could just tell she was going through it mentally, she was just like my life has changed drastically. She thinks this new partner is going to be the next perfect man she told me, and was saying how bad I was and now she knows how to find the right guy. The new guys is 18 years her elder , gave her an std, got her pregnant now wants to mary her and move her into his place an hour away within one month. I was like wow, ok well good luck. I was hurt initially with the news because it just made me realize how are dreams kids, and family failed. But I knew deep down it was never going to happen so I made peace, it was hard to lose a best friend though and be devalued. As a borderline can you help me understand everything?

Thank you

I was diagnosed with it when i was 20 and again in the ward at 25 i struggle with attachment badly

Well done

the obsessing is the worst. I get a crush I think about them 24/7 read into EVERY interaction aa they love me back or hate me. If i decide they hate me its the end of the world if i decide they like me Im planning the wedding all day. And itll switch back and forth depending on the interaction.

"You ever have that mood..."

Sometimes i just switch off.........is just nothing, is just blanck. 100% yes, this. What part of me is BPD whats is me.....i cant tell, is so engrane in my life and career that i cant tell.

I know what you mean...

You’re gorgeous

I know for sure I have it ….

The thing I realized is that BPD and Aspergers is a very bad combination when things go bad... Tbh I haven't watched a video that I could relate to this much.

Your literally explaining me 😂

I was Mia diagnosed with depression for years . Take so long to get the right diagnosis. You are are ridiculously hot btw

Literally everyone feels these emotions the problem is BPD individuals act on them relentlessly without fully thinking about the consequences of their actions or how it may impact someone else. So they are doing onto others what they fear the most, it’s toxic as all hell.

but can we talk about how beautiful you are? stunning xo

Is it just me or do you scroll until you find someone that looks like you

Why you gotta call me out like this

unrelated but are you vegan?