I have BPD and boy is it HARD! I wrote a book about my experience as a faster child who was eventually diagnosed at the age of 32. it is called Borderline Beauty; life in the system, by Jaye N. Allen. It is a 5 star book and everyone who has read it, gained either something for themselves or a better understanding of us who suffer from BPD. this video was RIGHT ON POINT! Jaclyn, we are not broken my love. Thank you for this very informative video! ❤
Unfortunately, I suspect the reason why there is not more emotional care and self-care tool offered to children and youth is likely because society still frequently operates off of the framework of suppressing dysfunction rather than resolving it with care. Which naturally results in policies of victim-blaming and dysfunction reinforcement. I will say though, I don't think it's true that society suddenly has more mental health crisis. Rather, I think that it was simply more suppressed before, hidden away, or simply that various suffering was just normalized. Ex, you brought up that divorce is easier to attain today, but rather than contributing to dysfunction, but I would consider it the opposite. It is much more functional to be able to end a dysfunctional relationship rather than being obligated/coerced to remain in an unhappy or even abusive relationship. That is to say, I think the fact that dysfunction is more expressed nowadays, is actually a hopeful sign that we can transition to actually addressing dysfunction, to becoming rooted in care as a society. Before, dysfunction was merely suppressed and silenced. And we haven't fully left that framework yet either. But open expression of dysfunction is the first step to communicating, and then addressing that dysfunction with care, understanding, and actually healthy replacements. We're a long way off from ideal still, but I think it's at least the right direction.
That is a spirit telling you to do bad things. Not a good spirit. Then you have your human spirit that wants to love and do good. There is good and evil in this world. The world is spiritual
@@diasporaconnecttanzania3521 I was out of control because of the trauma I was being put through by the adults around me, it’s very easy to identify where my issues came from. For example, being extra defensive of myself and not standing for any behaviour that feels unfair or unjust as an adult, because of how I was unheard and made to feel worthless as a child.. I’m a spiritual person.. but none is that is because of a bad spirit. It’s just simply psychology
Thank you for your courage to speak your truth and share your life. I am praying that you get better with your disorder. Improve to a point that you can be more in control of your life. You are beautiful no matter what! You have a light inside.
I'm a new subscriber, thinking I'm identifying with a lot about borderline. Thank you so much for doing this video about being a parent struggling with mental illness. I have felt so alone as a parent, i never wanted anyone to know how crazy i am. I can b so critical and mean sometimes. I get very irritable at times and impatient. It can b so hard to deal with things in that state.
I cannot get DBT because of my post code/area code. The lack of appropriate mental health services is diabolical. Psychiatrist appointments dont "medically treat" you its one big risk assessment and poor safeguarding session. Im weary of engaging and reaching out when little to no help is forthcoming. Hope ur doing well
You talk about this so easily “anyway” do you have actual remorse, feel remorse for your actions? I have ADHD and I think I have bpd and I’m exactly the same and constantly questioning if I have empathy or not.
I deffo have remorse, and I’m very empathetic for others.. however it’s like I have developed the ability to switch off all feeling if that makes sense. Cold, blank, nothing, I suppose it’s a protective factor, it’s not always something I can control, but it’s not too often. Majority of the time it’s the other end of the scale and feeling too much, hope that helps
IFS therapy has helped me come to terms with the parts of myself i despise and punish. and the punishing parts, as well. not dx with BPD, have had many therapists over the years and no one said i have BPD, but i relate heavily to BPD people. so, self-diagnosed. and IFS has really helped me accept the bits of me i cant stand. and learned to work with it, rather than hate it.
I sent this on another video sorry wanted to send to your most recent video so here I go!!! I’m not a weirdo Christian but had it on my heart to share!!!!! What a beautiful person you are!!!! When we are exposed to trauma as a child/young person….this gives a foothold to spiritual oppression, I was 11 and nearly overdosed not on purpose, I was living in a toxic home with an semi alcoholic single mum, who was battling her own demons from her childhood, I was amongst so much turmoil and emotional pain….BUT I felt she loved me and she wasn’t mean too me, she was just self sabotaging which left me feeling alone and sometimes quite helpless! She had weird friends that were into all sorts…spiritually speaking….I’d been in a seance at like 11 years old in a circle with someone there trying to levetate, we lived in a 17th century cottage (VERY HEAVY SPIRITS THERE) and had MANY ‘Experiences’ as a child! I’ll be be straight up…I wasn’t bought up with any religion, and was given a Bible in year 6 when I left the Church Of England School I left…this saved me! Without sounding preachy, all the demonic oppression and influence that was chasing me and my environment was being exposed when I read the words in this Bible I started to read! It was like something shifted, I could feel cracks of happiness, something I didn’t have much of as a child, I felt love when I read this bible! It’s not been plain sailing ATALL my mums battling suicidal episodes and I’m a mummy of five and married and juggling all life throws! And could go on for days about my struggles! I can promise you, read the bible…start in Mathew (New Testament) or Proverbs and soak it in! Don’t let that devil tell you you’re not worthy, you’re better dead, you’re a nobody etc …the Words in the bible do set you free! It all starts in the mind! The battles are all there! And we can have victory over depression, negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness! I’m in UK (moved from London to Kent) also and mixed race so when I saw you I felt I wanted to share a little! As we have few things in common! Sorry to leave such a long comment…,I really never do this…I’m in my car outside my home stuck here writing! Have a great day Stacie
What a beautiful person you are!!!! When we are exposed to trauma as a child/young person….this gives a foothold to spiritual oppression, I was 11 and nearly overdosed not on purpose, I was living in a toxic home with an semi alcoholic single mum, who was battling her own demons from her childhood, I was amongst so much turmoil and emotional pain….BUT I felt she loved me and she wasn’t mean too me, she was just self sabotaging which left me feeling alone and sometimes quite helpless! She had weird friends that were into all sorts…spiritually speaking….I’d been in a seance at like 11 years old in a circle with someone there trying to levetate, we lived in a 17th century cottage (VERY HEAVY SPIRITS THERE) and had MANY ‘Experiences’ as a child! I’ll be be straight up…I wasn’t bought up with any religion, and was given a Bible in year 6 when I left the Church Of England School I left…this saved me! Without sounding preachy, all the demonic oppression and influence that was chasing me and my environment was being exposed when I read the words in this Bible I started to read! It was like something shifted, I could feel cracks of happiness, something I didn’t have much of as a child, I felt love when I read this bible! It’s not been plain sailing ATALL my mums battling suicidal episodes and I’m a mummy of five and married and juggling all life throws! And could go on for days about my struggles! I can promise you, read the bible…start in Mathew (New Testament) or Proverbs and soak it in! Don’t let that devil tell you you’re not worthy, you’re better dead, you’re a nobody etc …the Words in the bible do set you free! It all starts in the mind! The battles are all there! And we can have victory over depression, negative thoughts and feelings of hopelessness! I’m in UK (moved from London to Kent) also and mixed race so when I saw you I felt I wanted to share a little! As we have few things in common! Sorry to leave such a long comment…,I really never do this…I’m in my car outside my home stuck here writing! Have a great day Stacie
I loved your explanation for black and white thinking, I've always seen it referenced to people "this person is either all good or all bad" I'm considering going and getting examined for borderline and if I do have it, it would be the quiet type So for me I really related to "my life is either all good or all bad right now" because I go through that a lot
Tattoos are getting more and more acceptable. At this time, the issue with tattoos in excess (what is excessive?) is that culturally (varies in different countries) excess means “non-conforming”. Certain jobs like healthcare where conformity is a must (follow the rules) may not appreciate excessive tattoos because of fear for non-conformity. Of course, that does not mean “you are non-confirming” rather it is the employer’s fear. Jobs in the creative arts sectors would encourage individuality and they shrug their shoulders. So, in my opinion (being a 64 yo Dutch man in the USA) it has not so much to do with the tattoos themselves rather with the expectations that come along with it. Just like a non-tattood woman dressing with half her buttocks hanging out making her look like she works on a street corner would be unacceptable. I liked your BPD RU-vid as well. You are well spoken, intelligent, and self-aware. Keep sharing your story and insights. You may not know how helpful this is removing stigmas and helping others at the same time. Good luck to you.
Ik this video is old but where u said “i didn’t know what parts of me were me and what parts were the bpd” and I’ve never thought bout that but that hit so fuckin hard I’ve never thought to differentiate myself and the bpd and maybe that’s why I’m not gettin better just worse. But that makes a lot of sense bc bpd makes u not really know who u are and just act what u see or know or who ur wit.
I'm struggling so bad, I have mental health issues and my 3 year old is autistic and suspected adhd which means he's constantly on the go and has constant meltdowns, when I'm with him all day I don't get a second to breathe it's so exhausting
the obsessing is the worst. I get a crush I think about them 24/7 read into EVERY interaction aa they love me back or hate me. If i decide they hate me its the end of the world if i decide they like me Im planning the wedding all day. And itll switch back and forth depending on the interaction.
That sounds tough! Have you tried writing out your facts vs thought? You could do 2 pages, one of what actually happened like they haven’t text yet, they don’t love me, it’s over! Compared to a fact like haven’t spoken yet but they’re at work and usually text later in the day. It might help you with rationalising and then impact your reactions. I get it tho, everything is so black and white with us and we look for evidence to prove our beliefs systems whether they’re accurate or not. The right person will get to know this and love you regardless, don’t be afraid of being open and letting people in.
I had a productive CBT session. But my Psychiatrist is obtuse and won't prescribe me mood stabilizer to regulate my mood as my mood swings which are out of control. I'm things are good for you. :-) The intense emptiness and sadness is palpable then it switches and I don't know what to do.
That should be one of the main medications that he prescribes for you, along with an antidepressant.🤔 You may want to get a second opinion. Best of luck!
@@heidiperez1387 I've been prescribed an antidepressant "trazodone" not started taking it yet. Told me to stop taking Olanzapine. Mood swings are difficult. Hope ur ok
Thank you for your posts. You have given me a deeper understanding of what is going on with a person that married into my family. They have been diagnosed with BPD by several therapist, but they deny that they have a problem and won’t get help. Interaction with them is extremely confusing and hurtful and I am alway questioning myself as to what I did or said that set them off. I feel like I am walking on eggshells when I am around them and that I must think carefully about everything I say before it comes out of my mouth. It is absolutely exhausting. I’ve watched other videos about BPD, but they are from the view of a therapist. It is much more insightful to hear what is going on from a person who is dealing with the PD. What you are telling us exactly mirrors the behaviors of my family member. I still don’t know how to react to them, but because of your videos, at least now I have better understanding. Thank you so much and I wish you all the best in life. ❤
Thank you for your support! Sorry to hear that there’s a struggle with this person, I for a long time didn’t know or understand myself (I thought I did) and therefore didn’t realise just how damaging my behaviours were to those around me. I didn’t mean to, just thought I was okay when I wasn’t. It’s hugely considerate that you’re trying to educate yourself despite having your own feelings hurt! Just remember that just Cus someone has a condition it doesn’t condone any wickedness, and protect your own mental well-being. If you need to take some space or have a break (if you can) then that’s totally acceptable. Hopefully one day this person understands themselves like I now do and is able to function and receive support better, good luck!
@@jaclynflowers7331 I was diagnosed formally with BPD 2-3 years ago and really struggling with mood swings and dysphoria, (not gender), and agitated depression. Not felt this bad since being hospitalised in 2012. Thank you for your video
@@MarkAnthony-wo9fr sounds like you’re really being tested right now! I feel for you, I’ve been there myself too. Not sure if you know my channel or not, but my raw recovery playlist documents some of my similar struggles, a huge difference to where I am now! If I can do it you can too, take your time, be kind to yourself and remember that every day you’re here is a win. You’ve got this 💪🏾
@@MarkAnthony-wo9fr that sucks, waiting lists are terrible, are you in uk? Might be worth having a look at local charities like mind and rethink, you should have local crisis cafe’s etc, don’t be afraid to go to your local mh hub and make them listen! I’ve had two voluntarily hospital admissions because I kept showing up insisting I’m okay and not safe, do whatever you need to 💚 animals are wonderful therapy, I’m glad you have someone to get up for and show you love daily! And thank you, he’s born now! 14 weeks on Tuesday, how time flies!
@@MarkAnthony-wo9fr uk services are absolutely 💩! I’m sorry you’re stuck struggling and waiting, all I can say it when I was in crisis.. it felt like there was no end. I honestly couldn’t see how I was gunna survive, ending it all felt like the oooonly way out, but where I am now is absolute worlds away from that point and I honestly can’t believe it. Of course it comes and goes, I had a mini wobble a few weeks ago where the thoughts and the ideation and the urges flood back, but I’m okay most of the time now. This is why I wanna update these vids, even with the bpd I’ve learned how it fits in with me and daily life, so I 100% believe that this is possible for you too, for all of us! We deserve and we are able to live healthy happy lives against all odds. Just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re reaching out for help, and if you’ve stumbled upon my video you’re clearly doing your own bit to try and help yourself too, you’re talking and being open, you’re persevering, you are not only surviving but every day YOU’RE BEATING IT! I have complete faith in you. And if you ever want to chat or check in, I’m here. My fb is the same name as my channel, you’re not alone. Give your little fur friend some cuddles and be proud of how you are doing even when it feels bad, I’m sending you positive energy, you can do it!!!
Yay! Was so pleased to see a new video posted by you! Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy! I love your videos, you’re not boring at all! You look absolutely glorious, and you can tell just in your voice and face you’ve come so far since the older vids! Keep it up girl, you’re doing amazing! Xx
Looking back on those vids is like looking at a different person! Thank you 🥰 gunna be talking about how I got to where I am in some upcoming videos, hope they’re helpful for some! Xx
Literally everyone feels these emotions the problem is BPD individuals act on them relentlessly without fully thinking about the consequences of their actions or how it may impact someone else. So they are doing onto others what they fear the most, it’s toxic as all hell.
I actually find that most people with bpd are highly empathetic and caring and consider other peoples feelings massively, deffo don’t agree that they don’t care either. These symptoms would be more common in a narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis (and even then not always the case at all) not a borderline one. If a person is toxic then a person is toxic, bpd isn’t a deciding factor in that
The amount of trauma and destruction people with BPD deal to others is extraordinary. You can’t love them until they make the effort to change. Otherwise they will destroy you, even if you unconditionally love them, in fact especially if you do
The amount of trauma and destruction that people with bpd have survived is extraordinary.. and the amount of judgement and stigma we deal with day to day on top of that is even worse. People with bpd aren’t terribly damaging people because of what we have, in fact most of us damage ourselves over others. It’s nothing to do with who diagnosis, you’re either a toxic person or you’re not. Diagnosis doesn’t define who we are and what we do
@@jaclynflowers7331 Yeah for sure.. no one deserves what BPD survivors experienced (at the same time we've all had trauma). It's just I can't find an example of a healthy long-term non-toxic relationship with person w/ BPD (Maybe people 30+ yo).. not saying that as a judgement on you, just what I have seen / experienced. For sure the diagnosis doesn't define you, but in relationship seems partner is eventually devalued, destroyed, and discarded in the cruelest manner. It must be a truly spiritual / supernatural miracle for people with BPD to heal and unconditionally love / bond to another person long term. Seems like we're in this life to love and be loved and it's truly tragic for both people. Thanks for your response I appreciate it (From a 1.5y partner 3m apart of undiagnosed BPD who says she's sorry for everything and wants to be friends while with new bf)
@@joemac84 I deffo think long term can happen! Tho I agree with you it seems rare to find. I was with my girls dad for 5 years, but I was young then and unhappy in the end, I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now, we’ve just had a baby and are planning another.. our plan is the rest of our lives together! Don’t doubt yourself lovely, it may be tough but it’s doable. We deserve to be loved just like anyone else, sometimes it just takes time to learn about yourself enough to allow others to understand you, took me a long time to reach where I am now but I’m finally the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life. We beat the odds just by surviving every day, we can beat many more 💚
@@jaclynflowers7331 Thanks for that.. You provide me some hope (at least for her and her future). Maybe the best thing for me is to love her as a friend and letting go of any attachment. It seems like once something is broken in a relationship it can never come back to the way it was before (she broke due to fear of leaving her country/mom and frustration over visa although she was quite cold and she moved onto another guy right away) , even if she is saying it's God's will we would come back together in future. It's great to hear you've come so far in your journey and can truly love another and form a long term bond which I thought was near impossible with BPD ❤🙏
@@joemac84 you will achieve it, I truly believe that. You deserve to and you will, you just keep being the kind hearted person you sound to be and one day you’ll find someone worthy of that heart. Stay well and take care 💚
Getting so easily negatively effected is so hard and it taking the whole day and a sleep to get back to feeling normal no matter how much you wish you could smile and relax again because you know in your head it's not a big deal but can't help but feel like it is.
Thank you for this. Hearing people w/ BPD tell their stories helps me understand my own. Totally feel what you're saying about the numbness. For me, I think it's a reflex formed from years of trying to blend in. Most people in most spaces accept such a narrow range of emotions & expression. Blunting the feelings is often less painful than the friction they cause. Or sometimes the numbness is outright disassociation. At any rate, thanks again for creating this video. It's really affirming to hear other people talk about BPD authentically.
Omg your so pretty and beautiful 😍 also love your hair and tatts. I've selfed harmed plenty so I can relate with you. I wish mental health and self harm especially wasn't so bloody stigmatised. Nobody deserves to be judged too and also if they've self harmed. I've been judged by it so I know what it's like. Very well said👏 👌 💚
