Living with dissociation - Joe's Story 

The way i describe this feeling is like your soul doesn't connect with your body, your in the passenger seat looking on while someone else is driving.

"Living with the condition is hell but the grind of dealing with mental health services is often worse".

the part about not being able to feel positive about the future is so relatable. that’s why i feel so stuck like what’s the point?

Almost like the beginning of a panic attack. Like when you smoke marijuana and get too high. This is how this feels for me.

All this plus anxiety plus depression it's just hell

I've recently realized that I've suffered from dissociation for much of my life. I almost feel as if I've been addicted to it. I've been to many therapists, psychiatrists and been on meds all of my adult life. I've been to very many incompetent and even unethical therapists with little change. The medical and therapeutic establishment will keep you coming back as long as their bills are getting paid. The work has to include getting in touch with your body and adapting to being present and centered. That no one has ever asked me about such a common symptom leaves me disillusioned with talk therapy. Somatic treatments need to be included, even if the establishment claims there is no proof. I'm the one that looked for it, and I'm the one that found it. I'm ready to put myself in charge of what I want and need. Much good luck to you.

It feels batter knowing other people are suffering the same and that ultimately its not dangerous, its just seriously uncomfortable

Oh my gosh it's like looking in the mirror with this guy. He just explained a huge part of my life. I'm going into this profession in hopes of healing myself and others like me.

I’m going through this, something’s that have helped me was intense exercise, upper cervical alignment from chiropractor, meditation and rest. I feel this happened after a whiplash I suffered and blame it on my neck instability due to stretched neck ligaments (possibly caused by a pinched artery on my neck while sleeping on my stomach). One thing is true, I will not give up, and for those going through something similar, don’t give up. Stay strong!

I struggle with this too, exercise, eating healthily, drinking lots of water, and meditation are the only medicine that helps. I hope you get better soon brother. all of these things will heal your brain better than you know, it just takes some time, its not instant.

I was diagnosed as having short bouts of dissociation. I was attacked when I was a 13 year old child and lost approximately 8 months of time that I still can’t remember. Since then, when I would get triggered, I would have bouts where I would just “switch off”. I didn’t realize it was happening until I finally went to EMDR therapy with a specialist. Since then, I haven’t had as many episodes. It wasn’t as disruptive as this man’s experience. But it certainly opened my eyes and explained a lot when the professional explained it to me. Since the EMDR treatment, I haven’t had the same episodes, I’m back to a “regular” day to day activity level, and I don’t have nightmares like I used to. It was the best intervention I could find for long standing past severe trauma. It was this type of specialized trauma therapy - intense commitment to do it - sometimes 4-5 days a week for one hour. Not medication. I did take a medication periodically to help with the mood swings / panic attacks that came while doing the therapy, in place of self medicating with alcohol or drugs. I do not take those medications anymore. Hope this helps someone else. Maybe.

A bad episode from smoking weed triggered this in me back in the mid 90s. Had it ever since. No longer feel human

You're doing a great job of raising awareness and that is often the starting point to improving services. Thank you

I'm so sorry that you have struggled so much with this and I can relate to the lack of support that you feel when you ask for help. I realized I was dissociating most of my childhood as a protective mechanism from narcissistic family system that forced compliance and never really individuated people so there was not much personality development going on during that time. I found once I left home that I "tried out" different personalities in an attempt to self actualize, but at no point did I see a future for myself and I sabotaged most of all my relationships that I did manage to find myself in (usually not knowing how I got into them) to avoid losing the little bit of myself that I actually liked. I took a decade developing my exercise, diet and work routine to pull me out of the darkness in my mind, even though it did not pull my out of my mind and into reality with which I still struggle. Unfortunately, I have found that being close to people is what causes me to start shifting and dissociating, and I've learned to track when it's happening, but still cannot make it stop. I wish you perseverance, stability and acceptance of yourself.

So I just learned that I have this. For me, it helped to force myself to look at my hidden rage. My thoughts said to me: you don't need anyone else's permission you give yourself permission to feel this and you should be more angry. I'm surprised you don't feel more angry. And it was as if the cork holding all that pressure lifted...I felt myself relax in places that my body was holding tightly.

There's so much depressive media,life is so so fast complicated,this is a condition that I believe all empathy and folks who care about tjs world and we suffer greatly stay strong all find happiness in the little things in life ❤❤.

I pray all of us have the courage and patience to go on that long journey back to our complete, fully present selves. Been over 20 years of suffering for me.

I massively appreciate Joe coming forward to make this video with Rethink. Dissociative disorders are not understood by many primary level mental health workers such as counsellors and nurses. One thing I think is bad is that he has been passed around. As a Psychologist, I would not discharge a patient until they were not only being seen by the specialist but were happy with the care they were getting. I know the NHS is massively underfunded in Mental health and appointments can take up to 18 to 24 months and we are under pressure to discharge patients so we can take up others. It needs to be remembered by local and national authorities and Clinical Commissioning Groups (CCGs) that these are human beings not just pund sings.

I have dissociation and anxiety it all started because I read something on the internet that triggered it

The way i relate with everything the video is saying

If anyone is reading this and really resonates with what he's saying, I will let you know that there really is help available and I'm so sorry that it's hard to find. I've been dissociated to varying degrees my whole life and only through finding a VERY good clinical psychologist who's trained in IFS, Hakomi and music therapy have I been able to make some headway with my dissociative depressive and avoidant behaviours. Most therapists aren't equipped to properly help people dealing with dissociation and trauma. Don't stop trying, don't stop looking, it's taken 2 years of seeing my therapist regularly but now I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you can do it too

IMO, We have to be cautious about defining dissociation. There are many types. Depersonalisation and derealisation are but two. Taking the milder end, even daydreaming (absorption), is dissociation, right to dissociative identity disorder. I had depersonalisation in my childhood/ teens and did my MSc on dissociation while working as a high intensity NHS therapist. In my time I saw about ten people with depersonalisation symptoms. Usually associated with anxiety. Panic problems.

I have the same condition for many years now and i am 44.

I’m with you Joe. ❤️

Help doesn't help. That's a slogan I came up with. It's an affliction of the soul. I want to create my own mental health system. I think at this point psychiatry should be learning from me. If you have a spiritual belief life is still worth it.

I’m 20 years old and I think it’s because I got High and had panic attacks but I’m scared I feel like nobody will ever love me for who I am

I have been going through this ..from the past 2 months my home doesn't feel like home every day is different from yesterday...it all happened after extreme stress and panic attack but I believe in God that I will definitely overcome this soon and live my life I used to be earlier the way I live

My sister was wrongly diagnosed with Early onset dementia in Italy, that was 9 years ago. We brought her back to Scotland and realised she had sleep apnoea. It was during Covid but the sleep clinic doctor, when I described how E was said “that sounds like disassociation to me”.. The psychiatrist and GP think I am in denial but can’t explain why she is no worse and in fact better. We are using homeopathy and it is having some quite dramatic effects. I should say she was pretty much “shut off” when she came 5 years ago, now she seems to be able to disassociate when she doesn’t like where she is but is fairly switched on in other situations.

Try internal family systems from a very seasoned practitioner. They address different parts of ourselves, how they helped us survive at one point and how each part needs its pain to be witnessed and heard and supported. Meds can’t do that at all.

Remove urself from toxic friends, do something good with ur body, and medication and drugs can make it worse. Also set boundaries, it typically comes from trauma.

Mines makes me feel numb to my emotions it's not depression it's not flat affect. It's like I'm not a person so I don't feel. I'm not delusional I believe I'm a person but I feel so empty and it really sucks.

There is much more in depth than trauma itself. I‘ve lost love of my life one and a half years ago and this was the worst phisical and emotional pain and trauma I could ever imagine. Three months after I was out of my body for some times and this was my start of dissociation phase dpdr on and off all the time. Almost no memory of 2023, no friends nobody left on my side. I got feeling like I am dead for a while or in coma and everything seeed like I was in a simulation. It‘s been a month now that I am out of this state. Things that helped me out are thiamine or B1 vitamin plus B12 and B complex, rhodiola, Pills with tryptophan,black pepper extract and saffron extract, and most important ashwaganda. Ashwaganda helped me to overcome intrusive toughts and regulate cortisol. Stop smoking, drinkin‘ alchohol and caffeine intake. I used to go cycling every day for 1 to 2 hours. Hope this can help someone because I know what hell of state this is✌🏻👍🏻🌞🍀

I have had an ocd diagnosis for 15 years or so, but I have been dissociating heavily since I was a child. I was a sensitive child, bullied extremely badly and also subject to corporal punishment by my parents. At some point I learnt to leave the present moment and retreat into myself. I’ve had panic disorder also. I’ve worked out for myself to embrace the dissociative symptoms and they lessen. Like OCD it is paradoxical.

I got over this once before, it took a few years to get to a more comfortable point then from then on it got better year on year. No meds just battled through and excercised, worked etc, get on as normally as possible. Try not to lose hope i know its very frightening.

good video...sad reality of shortcomings of mental health services.

luckily for me the main times this happens is when i'm lacking in sleep but when it happens it kind of annoys me because it distracts and bluntens me.

geez this is me I'm 42 I can say after nearly 4 months of this depending on what you have lost You can adapt For me through meditation learning about my being has been easy as the dissociation stripped me of every thing I knew about anything I knew before hand It can be scary for some people My ex had to got to the hospital when it happened to her I have grown up with ptsd I got stripped of everything to do with that Sometimes good things can come with it if you let go The more you fight the harder it is Might as well cause it's never going away .

I’d already been learning to process trauma. And then i saw a really horrific accident. And I stopped and tried to help. From the nature of the accident, I knew the victims no longer needed any help. They were dead. But I kept trying to help them. Depersonalization is something that I’ve been dealing with since about six months after seeing this happen. The actual depersonalization feeling is not negative. But sometimes it makes me feel dizzy. Which is not as pleasant. It’s physically uncomfortable.

I started to have symptoms derealization and depersonalisation around the age of 15. It was triggered (not the cause) by smoking weed for the first time. For a long time I was sure of becoming utterly insane. Then for some reason the symptoms were gone. But years later it suddenly started again. At some point I realized that my experience with derealization / depersonalisation is a manifestation of some internal fear. It is 'just' a not so pleasant coping strategy for handling emotional stress. This year I'm turning 49. Still experience DR from time to time. But it no longer overwhelms me. Partially because of acceptance I think

Best thing that works is psychedelic therapy with mushrooms, but you need support. if you are dissociated for years it can be tough to get all your emotions back, all your toughts and perception of reality back and bodily sensations will come back good and bad even the ones that made you dissociate. it will bring you out of chronic dissociation for a period of months, but then comes the work you need to put in because mushrooms are a tool to make you heal.

I have this the tapping then crying then breathing helps cold water therapy and no commitments just a life time of self care on Benifit’s it’s the only way I can cope

To be honest an extremely embarrassing situation happened to me and now I currently feel like the wimpiest person of myself. Thing is when dark thoughts arise I feel the most calmest which genuinely worries me.

Please pray for me....as prayer works it heals

I'm fascinated by the lack of insight within this young man - he's looking at it as some medical condition and is completely dissociated from the internal cause of why is he dissociating himself (which kinda makes complete sense). I developed the same "condition" in my childhood as defense mechanism, and then intensively dissociated since I was 18 (I'm in my 40's now) - there's a reason why me and people like myself are dissociating - it's an emotional shutdown because we were not able to cope with things that we were going through at certain stages and if those stages we're prolonged that state of being became our default mode. The "cure" is not in some "deadwood" medication approach or some diagnosis etc. - it's within our ability to reconnect with our emotions and to bear the pain of being emotionally present. For me, being present is quite overwhelming and often painful, but also there are moments of feeling like I'm carrying the flag, I'm putting myself on the line which feels meaningful. And in some slightly altered states of consciousness (like being on medical marijuana) where I'm more relaxed and I'm able to cope with the intensity of being present - the emotions, although intense, have so much taste and depth and color to them that I haven't felt in decades. Slowly, that altered state is transferring into my everyday life and I'm able to feel more, to be more present (or present at all)... My point is that it's wrong to look at it as something that's happening to your brain - it's something that you as a person are not able to deal with and are dissociating from it as an defense mechanism. We are beings and not some machines (although I have my doubts about that) and the solution is to treat the condition as a being problem and not the body problem. Edit: when I said "within this young man" I was in big part referring to my younger self

Living in 2 worlds..., it is like looking through stained glass. Reality has another layer to it... my fears... I live behind them.

Who can I speak to about this? Disconnected from everyone and everything

In my experience it's like you are watching yourself from a third person point of view...

I have POTS and was dissociated for a good 5-7 months straight it was crazy.

I found that restaurant work helps with mental health in the right environments

damn, I've been dealing with it as well for a while now. Whenever im looking at something, my eyes are just pointed at it and not really "truly" looking at it. Most of the time whenever I move around the house, im not aware with what im doing my head is just foggy and your body just moves on its own without you being aware of it.

I’m sorry you are going through this.

similar to sleepwalking just slip into it while you are awake Llike sleeping walking .. your body is on autopilot, but you feel disconnected like you are viewing it all from Behind your own eyes.. a dream like state.

I had an accident a motor crash on me it was a shocking experience and after that i didn't feel anypain. Its actually the nervous system that "shift" your perspective and when this "shift" happens you would feel like you're a camera; can see everything but don't have life that's exactly my default state right now.

EMDR might help this young man or alleviate some of the stress for him. I hope you find what you need to have peace, Joe.

Joe as a struggler myself you are looking at all the wrong treatments through the mental health care system which does not understand these symptoms and how to treat them. You need to look into complex trauma therapists that offer somatic treatment and possibly psychedelic treatment such as ketamine.

I never thought about it but yes seeking help is actually worse than the condition itself…damn

I've had it since I was a child

It feels Like getting Drink or high, or as you havent slept the last 24 hrs and youre half awake half sleeping

Somatic Experiencing, a method created by Dr. Peter Levine has been helpful for some. Also eliminating gluten and sugar.

Diassociation with communication trouble is double the pain. Can't communicate how I fee iniside, I relate to some part of this vid but not all. I kept on loosing myself and the ones I care about day after day. not a big complained either.

So sad. Can't help but wonder how much of it (not necessarily for Joe for but anyone struggling) could be rooted in unresolved/suppressed trauma which was the source of my disassociation. I also think it probably goes largely untreated because we are living in a disassociated society in the Western world in many ways.

Where is the end ? It is very simple when I ask this... The answer is invariably the beginning.

Complex PTSD groups in ACA on line for support might help you see you are not alone and perhaps meet people who have the same condition where you get to talk about how your doing and are heard by others. Pete Walker’s book The Tao of fully feeling and Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving might be of help to see that you are not alone. The groups are on line and may have in person groups in London near you. You will be welcomed there. I know I am.

So just out of curiousity… did YOU guys help this guy? Or just use his story for content. Seems to me that you didn’t, and how does that make you any better than the mental health industry

THANK YOU FOR SHARING

This condition is really BAD, stressful , depressing ... can't really explain it. It's like when your asleep and you dream about going to work or talking to friends or going places and your asleep so you really don't pay attention because everything is fuzzy WELLLLL the condition is exactly like being in that dream state and realizing your wide awake . Your on autopilot , sometime you talk and you Listen to yourself to see if your maki g any sense . It really pisses me off checking and rechecking myself . Explaining to a doctor and they just , uhhhh but how do you feel . I give up . Maybe someday it just won't be there, going in 4 years now.

I am praying

is it possible for someone to have this but have not gone through a traumatic event or abuse?

I'm 62 and I got depersonalization disorder i had it for years now and it's got really bad now want do you do just go in hospital and stay there 😢😢😢

It is possible to recover but unfortunately you have to help yourself first

Dissociation is invariably caused by trauma. You have to resolve that trauma. I recommend searching youtube for trauma and trauma therapies such as EMDR.

😢😢 im struggling bad with this.

I have a desire to leave to my body like my soul is revolted by it but I don't want to and am not suicidal and I don't know how to get help for it or what my diagnosis is... I've seen so many professionals..

my conversion symptom is double vision after a fight, a blow to the head, for 14 years I have been seeing double every day, alternating once close up and far away. What were your conversion symptoms? sensory disturbances? I have it all the time plus muscle fasciculations and hunger pangs

Meditation helps to anchor the person in their body. The answers lie in deep reflective inner work. Soul retrieval journeys also help.

temporal lobe epilepsy?

Perhaps these are just symptoms of underlying trauma? I wonder why NHS haven't looked for the root causes of his illness.

I would think that treatment would involve trauma therapy & if it’s not related to trauma, it’s schizophrenia.

Try a center of excellence in the USA.

Liminal feeling, I understand

Yes the mh services making it worse.. so much abuse

❤️❤️❤️

I wonder if magic mushrooms would help

It's a horrible condition I wish there was meds for it!!!!

Consider entheogens? Ibogaine?

Why doesn’t trauma therapy and especially body based working in regulating your nervous system help? It really should, because that’s where it comes from…

They don't know what's happening on the other side of the wall, because they don't want to know. James Baldwin

What i learned from this is : never victimize yourself

i have struggled with this since i turned about 10 due to trauma as a kid but I wanted to say something interesting that I cant understand and I want to see if anyone out there has had the same experience, My problems with depersonalisation are quite severe and i am not diagnosed with it but i am diagnosed with adhd. I got diagnosed with adhd about 4 months ago and i am now prescribed on medication but about 6 months ago i wanted to try it early to see if it would help with my symptoms, I took a 10 milligram ritelin pill of a friend of mine nad I'm not even kidding when i say it completely got rid of my depersonalisation for 2 hours, IT WAS INSANE i could look around i saw cars going past and they felt real, i heard birds chirping and i looked at my friends faces and the looked so real and i could really feel them in front of me, it was truly amazing and it was like a glimpse of what normal life is like and i teared up from how that made me feel. but this is the interesting part, i took it again... nothing and another a week later and nothing then i got prescribed and i started taking 10 then 15 then 20 and even 30 and i never got that again ever ): I feel horrible it was honestly like a tease of how amazing it is to be normal and i have never been able to experience it again and i honestly see it as one of the best moments in my recent life. soon i plan to take psychadelics in the form of shrooms to possibly be able to get that again and i can report back after if anyone sees this. has anyone had a similar experience?