Living With a Dissociative Disorder | My Life With 

Much love to everyone suffering from derealization and depersonalization. Mine started 10 years ago and I'll never forget that feeling of being instantly wiped like a slate. One moment I had an identity and memories and understanding of the world around me, and the next, nothing. Worked like hell to build myself back up again and now I'm at the point where I can just say "I know this doesn't feel like my body right now, but it is and I will continue with my day"

I did a double take when I saw this video, as I have been living with this disorder for years. It's miserable. I wake up in the same city I've lived in my whole life and feel like a visitor. People I've known my whole life feel like complete strangers. It's almost impossible to form emotional connections to people because you never feel like you're really there. Life feels like a dream you can't shut off. It messes with your perception so bad it makes you feel like an alien. Yet somehow, no therapist or psychiatrist has ever heard of or treated this specific disorder before, which only adds to the feeling of unreality.

Honestly I’m in tears reading the comments here. I haven’t cried in probably 5 or 6 years. I can’t overstate how comforting it is, to see that there ARE ACTUALLY others who are experiencing what I’m experiencing! That I’m not crazy, that I’m not alone!! She put into words EXACTLY what I’ve been feeling. I could never describe it to anyone. She hit it on the head, all of it. I hope you’re all able to recover as well, and are staying strong, too ✌️

I don’t think many people understand how debilitating this condition can be. Thank you for shedding light on this 💜

I’ve experienced this a couple of times during extreme periods of stress, anxiety and depression. It’s like the hardest thing to even describe. Like nothing feels real or you’re not attached to anything. It’s kind of like being in a bubble. It feels like I have no emotional attachment to anything.

As a long long time depersonalization sufferer I’m glad vice is giving people with our condition a voice

Her photographs really express the feeling of isolation from reality so well.

I’ve dealt with this for about 20 years. The easiest and hardest advice I can give is to stop fighting the feeling. Give into it, you’re body will go into autopilot, and keep going about its way. You’re not crazy, you’re not going crazy. It took me a little time, but once I got over the fear of that wave hitting me out of nowhere, I would literally laugh at myself, and say is that the best that you got? For me personally I don’t know if that feeling ever truly went all the way away, but it becomes your new normal. And when you snatch the fear from this battle, you take away its power. Just remember, it always goes away. A problem is only a problem when you think about it, be healthy and stay occupied even when your mind is racing. You have survived every other time, you are batting 1000. 🤟

Usually caused by trauma or highly stressful events. A good book on this is “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk

as someone with dpdr thank you vice for shedding light on this. much love to everyone that had to go through this you will get through it i promise

Dissociation is incredibly difficult to describe, especially if you’ve never heard someone else experience it. Thank you for this video. I’m not crazy!🎊 🎉

I have CPTSD and found it incredible when in my current psych noticed me dissociating in one of my early sessions with them. I have often felt that strange feeling that she describes so well, it's like a here-but-not-really-here sensation, as if you are in the passenger seat of your body rather than the driver. I am grateful she is sharing her experience and finding a way to channel it through her work

I had my first episode of this condition about 7 years ago. I went to a psychiatrist and they did not know what to do. For the first 3-4 months I had panic attacks, was suicidal, and was could barely focus for more than a couple minutes. For years I felt like I was dead and I was watching my life from 5 feet above my body while the panic attacks persisted. It’s been about a few years I have barely had any symptoms of this. Back when I had this there was barely any information on it so this is why I’m sharing this info. What i really think helped me get through it was: Sleeping 7-8 hours a night - Staying away from caffeine as much as possible (this did help a lot) - Staying away from drugs( drinking) - regulating stress When going through this , try to stay happy and watch a lot of comedic movies and laugh ! Get your body and blood pumping and try to feel alive as much as possible. If your going through this now : you will get through it ! Take care your body and listen to what earth or universe is trying to tell you. Thank you Vice for sharing this !! This is a very scary condition and we need more info on it .

If you are reading this, I want you to know that you can overcome this!! Depersonalization/derealization is a horrible feeling but its just that a FEELING. It stems from your Anxiety disorder and no amount of medication will get you thru it unless you figure out and realize that if you CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK, YOU CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL! This is extremely difficult todo but hear me out. Sit with it and stop paying attention to how weird and uncomfortable it feels and stop worrying of how many years its been since you last felt normal or if you ever will. You are normal! If you have the ability to feel this way is because you are normal but you are going thru immense stress!! Your brain is so tired of the anxiety and stress that it wants to move away from your head leaving you with this damn feeling. I dealt with it for over 6 years of none stop feeling this way. The only place i felt “normal” was in my sleep! But then I realized that I was only able to feel depersonalized if I noticed it! And my brain was constantly noticing it. Thats when I realized it was more of a habit now than an actual issue. I would feel anxious or panicky and then boom depersonalized for days and weeks because I would keep noticing it. Go outside of your comfort zone. Make yourself anxious, make yourself depersonalized, tell yourself that this is nothing but an uncomfortable feeling and sit with it. Spin around whenever you feel the most depersonalized or anxious and you will see little by little how your own brain will start to realize that it is all a bluff!!

I had DPDR back in 2020 and it lasted for about six months. Those of you who are struggling, just know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Its not permanent nor is it dangerous. It’s there to protect you. If you pay attention, it will show you areas in your life that you need to work on and change in order to 100% recover… Definitely a life teacher.

I had this for about 18 months. After starting a taper off of klonopin. I’m lucky to have survived it. It feels like you are walking through life without a soul.

I’ve had this disorder since I was 10. It feels like you’re going crazy but understanding it and why my brain does it made me feel way better.

I had my first episode when I was 12 years old I described it to my mother as best I could. She didn’t understand and had her on things and struggles she was dealing with. I was left alone with living like this for 4 years. When it went away.. life went back to normal. Anytime I would remember it. I would feel myself slowly slipping away. Once it caught me and I had another episode for two weeks. When I came out I swore to myself I would never think about it or tell anyone. Years went by.. when I was 27 years old I woke up and was completely detached from reality. It was so terrifying. Like having an abusive ex knock on your door and just left themselves into your house. The difference is now I can articulate what I feel. I feel like I’m on auto pilot. It’s as if you are playing a game on a computer in first person mode. It blows my that I can do things without telling myself to do them. My body knows the routine of life. My mind obverses from the outside in. I’m glad people to see vice doing a video on this. No one in my life understand and even cares to learn. It’s as if because I’m not screaming or crying in the streets that it’s not real. The irony of that.. is that I don’t feel real anymore. Your not alone DRDP people out there. 💛

I've had several episodes of this over the years as a response to severe anxiety and panic attacks. I experienced a deep sense of disconnection from the world, everything felt strange and unreal, I felt as though I was in a dream and watching the world through a veil of white noise. I felt as though I couldn't log in to the moment. I also experienced lots of existential questions about thr nature of reality, and obsessed about whether i even existed at all. It's an extremely frightening experience. I know now it was my brain trying to dissociate from the trauma of panic disorder, but in reality all it did was cause me so much more anxiety.

I’ve struggled with it every day since I was eight, I’m eighteen now. I thought I was crazy for so long, the diagnosis four years ago saved my life. If you’re experiencing this disorder you’re absolutely not alone and you will get through it ❤️

This happens to me - I can’t do anything until it’s over. When you look back on an episode I can’t remember doing anything significant or productive. My creativity is shot. I think i have been going through it for a lot longer than I give myself credit for. I feel “removed” as she says everything seems “fragmented” where the only thing I can really notice is the anxiety i am feeling because of it.

I've struggled with this for years and have not had any idea of how to cope with it. Everyone you tell about it thinks you're making it up and it makes you feel even crazier. Thank you for telling your story Jen. There are a lot of us out here dealing with DP/DR with zero clue what to do and this story is really helpful and hopeful.

I've had DP since I was 13, and at first I didn't know what it was so I went through hell for my entire teenage. At 20 I managed to control my anxiety and I could live a rather normal life and do the things I wanted in life. Today I'm 32 and I'm in complete control of it... but I still have it 24/7. I'm not expecting it to ever go away. But I decided a long time ago that it's not gonna win.

For the longest time I had no idea what I was experiencing. I'd just start feeling like everything around me wasn't real and like I didn't exist or wasn't in control of my own body. It's hard to really explain the feelings. Kind of like I was in a video game watching the role of myself or in like a dream like state but at the same time knew I wasn't? It's strange af

I’ve had this my entire life. It’s just grown with time. The isolation, feeling removed from myself etc.

Thank you for this video Vice. I have this condition and I appreciate you bringing this disorder to public attention. We really need more scientific research on DPDR.

I’ve always thought everyone lived in a daydream state. As I start to get older I see it’s impact on my life and personality. I’m 21 don’t really having goals or even thinking about the future. I’ve always said I’ve truly lived in the moment but never realized the reality was I couldn’t leave the moment I was in. I feel “stuck” in my surroundings, but it all feels like a daydream. I take it day by day, but am always enveloped in this dream state. I’ve never felt I’ve had multiple personalities, but definitely know there are “two sides to my personality” if you will. Its just hard to pinpoint and categorize. I really appreciate shedding light on this, makes it feel alittle less scary, and a little less alone.

Jen did such an exquisite job of explaining this DP/DR piece of trauma. I lived in it for most of my life, but have been free for about 5 years, and so grateful. Her photography is brilliant. Well come and thanks for sharing Jen. Brava!

This is probably the first person’s story that I’ve heard about dissociation, what it feels like to consistently dissociate, and have that ebb & flow of it. I feel extremely seen from this & can relate to finding a voice through proper therapy after having a therapist for far too long that became attached and unable to recognize they were hurting me more than help because of their therapy style. It prolonged 10 years of more trauma than it needed to from not being able to have the correct diagnosis to get the help I needed. From having a proper trauma therapist, I’ve made such huge changes in only a 6 month time that has been helping me get increasingly more present. It makes such a difference & having support from the right people. Thank you, Vice for sharing this. Thank you Jen for speaking about this and being brave like we all traumatized mf’s are when we choose to heal.

Wow, her photography is spot on in capturing the anxiety you feel when you're suffering with dissociation. I had a dissociative episode after my dad died. Lasted for about a year or so. I felt like an alien inside my own body, like I wasn't real. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone either, because I was paranoid that they knew that "wasn't me" or I "wasn't real." It was absolutely horrendous, one of the worst things I've ever been through, and I do believe it was caused by the trauma of losing my dad so suddenly and unexpectedly the day before Thanksgiving. I was supposed to see him, and he kept trying to call me, but I was dodging his calls, because I assumed I would see him on Thanksgiving and was busy and dealing with other things, and then I woke up to a phone call from my brother-in-law telling me he was gone. I remember screaming "no" into the phone a hundred times, having to be drug into the room where the viewing was being held, and my cousins all turning on me and trying to push me out of my grandmother's life, because they wanted her money and my dad was no longer in the way. And I was so worried about what would happen to my grandmother, as she was in the early stages of alzheimers, and I wasn't capable of taking care of her at that time. All of a sudden, my whole world was turned upside down, and I felt like I had no one and like I had completely lost my identity. I still have the occasional fleeting episode from time to time, but thankfully, the dissociation passed slowly as I processed my trauma and put the pieces of my life back together...and very much like the artist said, learned to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Sending strength to anyone who is suffering with this right now. Just remember that feelings aren't facts, and just because you feel this way now, it doesn't mean you will always feel this way. You are real and you matter...you're just processing something bigger than you could have ever been prepared for. Stay strong. ❤️

It’s so validating to see this piece. I remember when I was younger and struggling with some really bad episodes of DPDR, I would try to find annythingg online about it--comfort in others sharing this scary experience or info on how to cope. There was nothing. It made the feelings of isolation and spaciness deeper. I haven’t had an episode in years but it feels good to know more content is out there if I need it, and that it’s there for others experiencing these feelings.

i've been diagnosed with dpdr for like, 2 years now? meds don't really work for me unfortunately so i'm pretty much always dissociated at this point - but it's taught me a great few things about listening to my limits and whatnot. my therapist hasn't been super helpful in terms of treating dissociation but there are some books (like the body keeps the score) that have been helpful to me personally. best of luck to anyone also dealing with this!

Disassociation feels like your watching a movie. It feels like your an observer of life rather than actually being present and living. You know your real, what's happening around you is real, but it feels like a dream. It's easy to loose track of conversations and makes it hard to concentrate. It makes it hard to connect with others because you are more focused on your thoughts, than what's actually happening. It's a defense mechanism, sometimes to protect ourselves we mentally disconnect from our bodies. I can totally relate as someone who has anxiety and panic attacks.

I was abused and went through episodes of this quite often. I have been to therapy and if you find the right therapy it can help. I don't disassociate nearly as much. Also it really helps to have people around that you can trust.

Having had a few concussions from sports injuries it really put a warp speed on the disassociation for me. It's sort of like a wave that just comes and goes with the tide. There's a long list of reasons along with trauma that wrap into those waves and how they ebb and flow. Feeling grounded for me ha always been about being outside in nature. It just allows all of your emotions to get pulled into the surroundings and that sense that life is raw helps bring me into the present. Be well out there - take care of yourselves and don't get caught in those riptides of life.

I've had depersonalization for almost 3 years now. I can say after my first year of having it, I finally got used to it. Don't try to fight it & just let it flow through you or you will be stressed. Stress is the #1 killer, Don't be stressed. Yes, your perception will be different & unique, let it be. Many people will think you're crazy so don't even bother telling people unless you have a licensed physician who has studied it, or someone who has DPD themselves.

Whoever recorded this, he/she gets it. The camera angles and the composition. This is how it feels.

I had a full year where I struggled everyday with this and it was horrible. I thought I was crazy, I had to leave my job and was planning suicide. Absolutely a nightmare experience

Great video and thanks to Vice for giving this some exposure. I've had this condition since i was 10 years old, i'm now 40. For me it definitely gets worse in stressful situations. A good help as others have mentioned is being 'comfortable' with the discomfort of being dissociated and detached. Not fighting the feeling and just letting you body and mind go with the flow. It's something that hasn't completely gone away but has tapered down to something i can call normal.

"A disassociative society makes for disassociative people" --> hit me *hard* thank you for sharing your story, I truly hope you work through your trauma 🖤💛

Peace and love, Jen you are awe-inspiring and keep up the photography. You are a Deity and deserve everything your kind heart desires

I felt so validated just from them putting “DP DR” on the title card. Kudos to Vice for covering this one. This doesn’t even begin to convey the horror and unease that DPDR creates

Oh my god! I’ve been waiting so long for someone to speak out about this! When I first experienced this I felt like I was going crazy and this is never going to stop, this was the worst time of my life. But step by step I understood the cause of it and was able to cope with it. Thank you so much for sharing

I’m really glad vice did a piece on this. I struggled with for more than half a decade and it was as horrific as it was ineffable. At the time there was hardly any research or known treatments. It’s hard to explain just how debilitating and strange this disorder really is. Luckily, there is more and more exposure which means more recognition among medical and mental health professionals, which means more research and treatment options. Also, by bringing this kind of thing to light, people inevitably find out that they are not alone. There are great online communities dedicated to dpd where others who suffer from dpd offer each other support and encouragement. Just talking with others who know what your going through will help more than you think. Plus people with Dpd are the kindest and most thoughtful people out there on the web.

So thankful for this video! I finally understand what i was feeling for years now. I am lucky to have such good coping skills but this explains a lot for me.

EFT (tapping) can have an amazing impact on integrating trauma and dissociation.

I have suffered with DPDR since 2016 and this disorder has been the single hardest thing I have ever had to deal with…and I’m nowhere near resolved. I’m so glad videos like this are being made to raise awareness about this horrific disorder

Thank you so much for this. Putting it into such vivid and real perspective. I struggle with this as well, and I don't really know what to do.

DBT therapy really helped me with my dissociation. For those struggling with it, there is hope.

Been dealing with this 24/7 for 11 years now. Originally I was mainly dealing with Derealization, then when that got too intense, I got Depersonalization as a bonus. Thanks so much for spreading light on this topic ❤

My heart goes out to anyone struggling with this. I had a stroke that hit the area of my brain that controlled perception, and it caused some intense dissociation for the first few weeks. It was so hard to describe to people that everything looked the same but it all felt different. My apartment didn't feel like mine, and I just felt so far away. I still struggle to accurately describe it, and it wasn't until my neurologist explained it to me that I was able to quantify those feelings in any way.

This is so interesting! Thank you for all involved in this brilliantly insightful project!

I went through a really bad experience from weed and suffered this. Luckily it was short term and passed within a few days. Sympathy to everyone who suffers with this.

Got hit hard with DDD 6 months ago after a large portion of my family passed away/period of housing instability and fleeing an attempted robbery at gun point. Returning to college was so strange, I had been away for a year dealing with those events, and in that time everyone I knew graduated and moved away which made it even worse. And because of the pandemic and what I was going through it was all too easy to isolate myself socially. I felt like a ghost in 3rd person, just floating around town, emotionless, expecting to see familiar faces and never finding them. Sometimes I'd take a seat in class and the next thing I know it's over like nothing happened in between. With the help of therapy and cubes (not recommending) I've finally started to ground myself, but it's an ongoing process. I've dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life, but this experience has been especially distressing, there were many times where I thought I was genuinely going insane.

I’m 33 and have had depersonalization-derealization since I was a teenager. I didn’t know that’s what it was until my 20s. I was in therapy for 12 years, ended it with professional therapists about two years ago. They weren’t helping with their own confusion and insistence on CBT. But I found that learning to heal through Buddhism, shadow work, learning and creating my own grounding techniques, learning internal family systems on my own has been more helpful than professional therapists. It’s really a pain in the ass for me to find a specialist in trauma, and I would like to try EMDR, but the therapists were either not close enough to get to in my city by public transit (I don’t drive or know people who can reliably drive me) or the EMDR therapists don’t take insurance. Sliding scales are usually too expensive for me to pay for every week.

Thank you for this insight into your struggle. The way you reflect on this condition and your outlook on life might give some hope to others. So sorry to read about the loss of your brother and the difficulties your whole family had to face.

my first episode was absolutely terrifying and i will never forget how scared i felt

this makes me feel not alone. Thank you

It’s so relieving to find a video that puts everything I’ve been dealing with into words.

Your are incredible! Your vulnerability has me finally asking better questions about myself. Thank you!!!!!

Ive been living with depersonalization for 3 years now thank you for bringing awareness vice

For everyone experiencing this and wondering if it ever ends - I can tell you it does! I had DPDR when I was in my late teens. 29 now and never had it again. The solution is healthy lifestyle, particularly good diet and exercise! Meditation is also a must. And making the DECISION consciously that you will get on with your life!

It happened to me for a few months, it feels really weird, you are very brave girl. Sending all the love!

Its very nice seeing this disorder get some attention, dispersonalization, derealization and dissociative disorder are all basically the same thing. And it all comes down to severe stress and trauma which has caused the coping chemical in your brain to become more present than nessacary. Usually most people go through this experience during a highly stressful event and thats the only time they feel it. But if you go through that level of stress on a consistant basis then that how you develop these disorders. I know it feels very scary, this is coming from personal experience with these disorders but you must understand that it does go away on its own as long as you stop feeding your anxiety with worrysome thoughts and irrational fear. You will get through it, it just takes cognitive training and perhaps applying some changes to your personal life.

I had an episode not too long ago after getting out the hospital, was stress triggered. Felt like everything was something else, can't describe it outside that glass wall she mentioned. Weirdest damn feeling I've ever had. I do not wish it on no one, it's how I imagine things in a cage or aquarium would feel if they knew what it was.

I could never describe it on my own or in my own words, but she has described it perfectly. Thank you

I just broke down crying. thank you for making me not feel "alone" for the first time since i can remember.

I’ve never met anyone else that feels this way and it’s always made me feel so alone. When I mentioned that I was feeling this way to my therapist in around 2013, she didn’t know what it meant when I explained it. “I don’t feel real.” She used to call it “checking out”. I always felt so alone and sometimes I still do because I personally never meet people with the same disorder. Living with is absolutely hell for me. It sent me into a very bad psychosis (in 2019) that lasted roughly a month. I was scared to leave me room, because I was in fear of having a panic attack in front of anyone (which sent me into a panic attack from overthinking it). Thinking too hard can send me into a panic and I question my whole existence. Lord I’d give anything to not feel this.

Thank you for this! I have dissociative episodes and dissociative seizures (I have Functional Neurological Disorder) and this was a really good way to describe some of those feelings. Definitely going to share this, as it could be so helpful to friends and family, to help understand.

Thank you to this wonderful person for letting us into her world.

This is the first time I am totally unable comprehend what this must be like, and what another is feeling. Mental illness sucks and truthfully is relatable to empathic people, but this...I can't even imagine how or why or when... I hope she's found relief 💙 I genuinely want to understand this now. Thanks for sharing.

thank you for making this, I'm currently on 8 different psychiatric medications assuming some of the same ones, thank for bringing awareness and giving insight into the mental struggles people endure

I've experienced this a few times from photo-sensitive epilepsy, and anxiety attacks. It's absolutely unnerving. If you've ever looked through the other end of binoculars out of curiosity (you know how everything looks like it's stretched almost and far away), well that's what it feels like. Nothing feels real and the world just looks completely different. You just cant understand how horrific and isolating it is unless you've experienced it. I wish I could support those who struggle with this ❤ I'm here, I see you, I hear you. You're NOT crazy and you ARE going to get through it.

I have C- PTSD and at the very height of trauma, I felt like every morning I was walking up in a parallel universe. Nothing and no one was real. This went of for about a month and it was the most consuming and loneliest feeling ever. And i was so afraid to tell anyone because i didnt want to be seen as psychotic. After that the episodes happened frequently for years and years. It just feels like your watching your life thru a TV. Like you can see yourself in the third person. At one point I convinced myself that I had died and this was in limbo cuz I couldnt cope with how numb and lifeless and detached I felt for all i loved or hated.

So sad to hear so many people that live with this for so long. It happened to me once and I think I will never forget that horrible experience. I was at a party with friends I love but all of a sudden it was like everything turned into a movie. I was listening and talking but there was no emotions, no connections, it was like I was not there, like I was no-longer in control of my own actions, yet I where there at the same time. Nothing felt real anymore. Going through this often must be horrible, I really hope you all find a way to get better.

I grew up with Dissociation Disorder myself. Waking up to this video… wow. I can’t help but laugh because I know I’m not alone. Thank you Vice for being the best.

Wow thank you vice… I’ve been going through this ever since I got shot at 16 years old … I never knew how to explain this … that’s the first time I had a out of body experience, I saw my self at the hospital with a light on me just getting sewed up

I have suffered mostly undiagnosed and untreated from DPDR, aside from drugs and alcohol, for almost 2 decades. I am finally realizing the nature of DPDR and how to live and thrive with it. I am brand new and on baby deer legs but it gets better every day. I have used EMDR in the past for addiction and trauma and found it very beneficial. I need to return to it. But anyway I just wanted to qualify and relate to your experience and express my appreciation for your art. Your work is very linear and symmetrical. It's very satisfying for the eyes. It's quite good and beautiful. Keep up the great work.

What a strong woman, mental health in itself is incredibly tough and can be crippling, it erodes away at you. Having a disorder such as this where one's sense of reality, life's sensations are so distant and that sense of grounding is so difficult and uncertain. That's got to be awful. I have BPD/ADHD/CPTSD and it's so difficult not only to survive but indeed live in a world where a very large number of the population and services don't acknowledge or believe because it's "invisible" and mistreat / misunderstand those suffering. Life's incredibly difficult for so many people who not only have to constantly battle the public, family, even "friends" for their disorders to be recognised and their struggles to be taken seriously but also having to battle the "support" services that are already massively underfunded, overstretched, understaffed, underappreciated and indifferent. Things will get better, I hope. stay safe all.

LIVING WITH A DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER, THANKS FOR SHARING..."SUPER SUPER AWESOME VIDEO!!! 🔥I love the way you put it together!! I think this is one of the best ones yet !! ❤ Looking forward to your next one! It's awesome!!

Oh man totally understand how she feels

Wow, our stories are so so similar its insane. Thank you so much for this truly.

Finally - someone's talking about it. Been in a dissociative state for 6 months and still recovering. My heart goes out to anybody experiencing this, it's vastly underestimated and a truly nasty experience ❤️

I have Maladaptive Daydreaming which is apparently also a form of dissociation so i can relate to some extend. I hope things will get much better for her and everyone experiencing these kind of disorders. It can be really hard on every aspect of life.

I have a dissociative disorder and her art is actually so true. Such a good video

been living with dpdr for almost a year now and it's changed every aspect of who I was as a person. all the sensations she mentioned couldn't be any closer to my reality, terrible living like this. thank you vice for bring attention to this

i had dp/dr as a symptom for about 8 months while on Valium for my SEVERE panic disorder. when i tell you, its the weirdest , most uncomfortable experience ive ever had. everyday drags along, you look at your hands and feel like you're not real. just like she explained, its like looking through glass, like your trapped in some type of simulation or human case , to the point you'll do anything to feel psychical sensations but you still cant shake it. its a hazy mind feeling, and a disconnection of body sensation. everyday feels like its repeating , you literally feel like you're stuck in a dream or something. im glad i was able to shake it.

I was once miserable and had it for like months but i recovered (100%) from this, you can do it too!

As someone with DPDR… bless ❤️ such a great video

I've been experiencing this for the past 19 years of my life. I first noticed it when I was 11, which was absolutely terrifying - it just hit me like a wall, BAM. Parents had no idea what I was talking about, I was unable to describe it. I never have found a therapist who's been able to help or understand my headspace, so I suppose I've just learned to live with it. It's noticeably worse when I'm stressed out, and can be extremely frustrating when I need to focus or function under pressure as I tend to go into autopilot sometimes. It's honestly a bit of a relief to see I'm not alone, because it sure can be a leeching and isolating experience. Hugs to anyone else out there going through this!

Thank you for being willing and open to sharing your story with us.

been suffering from dissociative disorder for years, when i was 13 i smoked so much weed i blacked out and took a bunch of ecstasy when i was unconscious. i had the worse time of my life when i came back into conciousness and after that night/trip it triggered crippling depression and anxiety all throughout my teen years and early adulthood. i would constantly never feel real. at some points i even imagined i was dead and the rest of my life was just a dream playing out that i would never escape until i died in it. i remember losing all self awareness and would even have panic attacks in my sleep. i was so scared to even leave the house because if i started to dissociate i would burst into a panic and start replaying the same night that caused it all. it’s been 13 years since that terrible night and i am now 26 years old. i can say i have learned to cope with my dissociated disorder but it’s still always there, something i know will be with me for the rest of my life. i hope everyone who struggles knows there not alone ❤️

I always describe to people that I feel like I’m playing the role as myself. So hard to explain if one has never felt it, I have read doing things like running cold water in your wrists and things like she mentioned in the video can really help try to keep you grounded :/

Thank you so much for this video, it makes me feel less alone

The best I’ve ever heard it described thank you for sharing

I’ve had this for 4 years now. I’ve learned to live with it and make it my best friend.

Phew I had it for about a month years ago and i thought it would never go away again, guess I am lucky considering the comments and the girl in the video, remember experiencing this for the first time when i was really young on a vacation, its literally like staring though a glass and your mind doesnt feel home. Great video 👍

I'm so sorry to hear about what this woman is going through and what many of you in the comments are. I've gone through DPDR for most of my adult life in one form or another. There were several non-consecutive years where I was badly disabled by it. It was horrifying at its worst. It's only recently that I've been able to be really well recovered, though past trauma often threatens to overwhelm me, and I have to go to the healthy techniques I utilize to process it. But I try to use those techniques daily as just a general regiment of wellness. But even when I get flare ups here and there, I have a much better ability to process them and recover, and am glad to say my life is way better than ever, even while the challenges to me keep coming.

i used to always describe it as feeling like everyone is acting or LARPing but i’m never able to get into character. like everyone else seems more able to just *be* who they are but it’s like i’m always a little too aware that the person inside my head and the person i am out in the world are not the same person, and then i spiral off about how every individual has a different version of me from their own perspective and i get extremely overwhelmed by that thought very quickly. idk, i’ve always struggled with the whole theory of mind thing, it’s always freaked me out for some reason.

I’ve been living with 24/7 derealisation and depersonalisation for over 2.5 years now. My life is hell, nothing more to say.