You should send this to a person who is going through something. And let them know that they are not the only one that is going through this phase. This phase hurts as hard as a knife piercing your heart and soul. God loves you as much as you think.
edit: sorry, i just realized how long this is it's like 8 miles long as a warning for people who might read it sorry 2:52 spoke to me because i watched my entire world and everything i knew crumble when quarantine started and i think it's incredibly unfair that me and all the other kids and people who were affected by it are just expected to go on and pretend it didn't happen. i'm 14 now and i was 9 when it started. during the time we were in quarantine, i got depression and basically crippling social anxiety and it got so bad i started self-harming as a way to try and make my mental pain be reflected in the outside world in an attempt to make it feel like it wasn't just in my head. i feel guilty for feeling like this because in my mind, my life doesn't even have a fraction of the hardships that most people have even though i know that's not completely true i feel like a fraud and like i'm lying to the people who know even though i haven't told anyone the extent of how horrible i feel. no one should ever feel like this. i wouldn't wish such feelings on anyone who's hurt me or made me cry or abandoned me because it's debilitating. it takes so much energy just to get out of bed in the morning and after that doing anything else often takes a backseat. i think the spoon example does a good job of explaining it even though it's more often used to explain how people with chronic illness feel; making decisions or doing things uses spoons (like buying things uses money) and most people have an infinite amount of spoons. they can do anything they need to such as necessary activities for hygiene and self-care and jobs and school. but people with depression or chronic illness have a limited number of spoons and as time goes on, that number becomes significantly less if we spend all our spoons. we wake up with a set number of spoons for the day and getting out of bed and showering and doing homework or cooking or even just deciding what to wear or eating something take a large number of our spoons so we have to pick and choose what activities are most important to us for that day. as a week or month or year goes on without a break from everything, the number of spoons we wake up with goes down and the amount of spoons something costs goes up. sometimes we wake up with zero spoons and those are the days that we sit around in bed all day scrolling or sleeping because we don't have enough spoons to do anything else. reading a book could cost 2 spoons and that still too much on days with zero spoons. yet people call us lazy and slackers when we're just doing as best we can with what we have. it's like if you went up to a homeless person who didn't have money and said 'just buy some food and housing. it's not that hard. i'm doing it, so why can't you?' and when they say that they don't have enough money telling them that it's their fault and they should do better even if they can't. it's a horrible thing to do and people in the world should really try to be more understanding of people with mental health issues and disabilities that aren't necessarily visible.
I just read this whole thing and it somewhat reminds me of who I was during quarantine. I’m 14 to now and when my grandpa died on about December 21st, 2019, it broke the hell out my heart. I thought I’d never feel ok again. I have to go to multiple therapist, but nothing worked. I also self harmed myself and almost ended it all. I couldn’t take it anymore. But for some reason, I didn’t do it. And I’ll never regret it. Also, the love part of this video, I can kinda relate to as well. I really like this girl. I talk to her on text all the time. But my “friend” says that she doesn’t want me. And that just pissed me off. But maybe he’s right. Maybe she doesn’t want me. But why? Why does this always happen to me? I’m kind to everyone and this is what happens. She said she loved me but she didn’t want to date me yet. Why? I have feelings for her that I’ve never had for anyone else before. I haven’t talked to her in about three days. She said that she was gonna be at her mom’s house and that her mom isn’t a very good person, so she can’t text me for a few days. She never said when I’ll be able to text her. But for some reason, she called my “friend”, otherwise known as her last ex that she broke up with. Why? She said that she was going to his house. But that was a lie. I just want to say that I’m sorry if you’re reading all of this. I usually write about this, but I can’t rn. This is all I have to say. Have a good day everyone.
I relate to all of these sadly, im sorry if you are also going through this, I hope you have a better day, you are a wonderful person and some people are just blinded by other peoples kindness and forgot about yours, but you are wonderful. Thanks for reading. Bye❤
Saddest thing that has every happen to me: one day at school, i wanted to kmys so bad cause i kept getting bad grades,bulied, bodyshamed, i couldnt take it no longer more, i tried kmys the same day the moment everyone fell asleep, i grab a knife andput it near my neck and i stood there, for 2 minutes, thinking about everything, how my parent's would react. How my friends would react, how family would react, my future, i ended up having a mental break down that night, the next day at school, i had bags under my eyes, i looked dead cause i cried all night that night, the school council saw me and sgined me up for therapy, i never thought of getting tjerapy in my life, i asked my parents for it, but i was afraid they will put me in a mental hospital if i told them what i did the last night, i got therapy but nothing worked, i am still miserable to this day 🙂 (i was depressed so i made this 👍)
You know... Those lonely nights... Those 82 attempts and counting... This is me... I really think... People dont really understand... Each and everyones sadness... Is their own conjured hell... What might seem easy and loft to others... Would be cruel and shameful to some... Even if they say... Oh i understand... They never do... Because the mental hell youre in... Is just as same as mine... But with little details that our subconscious notice and make it feel like they dont understand... Each own dug rabbit hole... Falling deeper and deeper... Soem with spikes... Some with bugs... And some... With fire that isnt there... I admit that i havent gone through what you did... But... In order for you the breathe... Just say help... No man is an island... But some who are really hurt would be an island... There are people like that... But just... Do me a favor... Should you think about destroying your vessel... I dont blame you... None of us do... Think about these words... Thats my favor...
Lots of yappin for ppl who havent seen struggle for survival. Taken life for granted but never fight for it. Deleting oneself? Try killing your ego first before kiling the physical hurt
We have the luxuary to not experience that. We arent animals we are thinking beings. those whose struggle they chose to take part in has no right to complain. if you honestly chose to go to war and fight for survival then i show no pity or gratitude to you, the world owes you nothing and you chose to sacrifice for people who never asked you to. Ik you're probably just a 13 year old kid but we all have trauma and struggling to survive by choice isnt one of them
