Masking as a Late-Diagnosed Autistic Female 

Sis, we are so similar it's scary. Right down to the skull tattoo on the right upper arm. I'm freaking out a little bit because I am who you are describing as yourself. I've always been! I've watched a lot of creators and felt many similarities since realizing 6 months ago that neurodivergence is really at the root of my lifelong struggles to live like a normal human in this world, but never have I heard my literal story being told through another woman's lived experience. I'm actually really relieved. At 54, I really wish I had figured this out sooner. Thank you for existing. I feel what you are experiencing. I just want to be at peace with myself and be at peace in the world, but that second part is the issue. I've learned to love and accept myself, but not in the context of relating to other people. I've been alone for 12 years now, to the point where it is frightening, but also comforting. I'm seeking a diagnosis, which is not what I ever wanted, but my struggles are just intensifying a sense of overwhelm that I refuse to continue to live with as I age. Just want to extend my hand in solidarity because we are deep, intense, soulful beings with extraordinary capabilities and gifts. Thank you for sharing.

I am really finding your videos helpful, i see so much of me in your words. Thanks.

would love to see a nice still shot of your tatoos to be able to appreciate the artwork

Boomer here with 4 tattoos. I work in a corporate environment and had a manger try to get a good glimpse at a large tattoo that was partially exposed. I was not amused because it was sneaky of him to try.

❤

You described masking similarly to how I would. I can only really do it to the extent of just being quiet. I think the idea of masking doesn't work, because we're living in Invasion of the Body Snatchers every moment and trying to portray it as if everything's okay. But I very seriously think neurotypical people are slightly high, and that it's oxytocin(which autistic people have a deficit of) making neurotypical people high. Think about the ways they describe you: Are they ways that a high person might describe a sober person? And they keep reading negativity into things we say, obsessively looking at others' faces, having minds that wander, feeling more connected with other people, joking, teasing, flirting, et cetera, being more physically relaxed and less afraid, but instead a little bit paranoid about unfamiliar people's intentions and needing a group around them. Maybe talking about the weather is more like two people who distrust each other and are scared to talk about anything more substantial than it is like people who actually want to talk about the weather.

I have become very quiet too. I used to mask being very outgoing, but then I end up in all kinds of situations where people think I’m like that and that is so draining.. so now I just try to stay with safe people or just myself. 😊 I used to be called arrogant Many times, if you are a smart woman and speak your mind you Will get that.

We need to demand Neurotypicals to meet us half-way. We have adapted to Neurotypicals for way too long. They need to adapt to us as well. Btw I think you can start in some cool Hot rod/ mythbuster type show with your look and skillset.

I call that goodbye The houdini 😂😂😂 And she’s gone 😂

Great video! like the tattoos😁

I had that Mark Twain quote, “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt” on a T-shirt in high school. As a quiet masker, I felt that it declared my reason for my silence. My aloofness was often interpreted as arrogance by my peers, but lauded by the adults (teachers, those in authority). Suppression remains my mask of choice.

thank you yet again for speaking our truth. it's gotten to the stage that I can pretty much finish your sentences in my mind because I understand and have experienced likewise. and a Mark Twain reference! what a legend 😊 and you're an artist so having tattoos seems logical to me

15:50 the skull with flower tattoo looks really good, 😃 not unapproachable, i would say eye catching

Tattoos are good at scaring people away 😂😂😂 I know this so Well. I can relate to this so much😂 You are so funny and smart! I then realized that people ask tattoos so now I mostly cover them up because I dont want to talk about them because sometimes I wish I had No tattoos again because I want a fresh start..

You are so beautiful and this is so relatable❤

I literally thought “OKAY, THUMBNAIL!” YOU GOT ME! Well played and poignant! It’s a question of “how many spoons will this take?” when weighing “play along” or “just be odd” masking situations for me. Plus, which presents the least direct danger (survival strats)… 🫶🏾🕸🧠