This explains so much of the cognitive dissonance I repeatedly struggle with. As a Closer and Healer mix, I'm constantly bulldozing myself and then getting trapped in my feels about it. Watching you two interact has really helped me acknowledge that I need to adjust how I approach both aspects of my personality and that I shouldn't force myself to be only one or the other. Thank you so much!
Yep. Another healer/closer here. I am more healer than closer but I want to get stuff done and I will get stuff done every time. With both aspects, I will put the tasks or the people before resting or doing things for me
Was alsp wondering if one could be closer/ healer. These are the only ones I really relate to and one side shows up one time, the other on a different ocasion. I need to get thibgs done or I wont feel good, but im also really sensitive when it comes to tone and the way something is said.
Wow. Alicia, thank you so much for openly and unabashedly admitting that there are women who just don't reach any sense of fulfillment from nurturing and caring for children (especially as SAHPs). To say so with zero guilt, shame, but with 100% convicition and clarity is a class act, especially when it comes from a lady of your type. All the best to both of you guys, and I can safely say I found myself something akin to a role model here, even though my character is much closer to Jonathan's one ;)
I love this video so much!! I'm a dreamer personality type and in my past relationship my former boyfriend was a closer. In the end he was annoyed with my bubbly self and I was constantly hurt by his attitude. If we would have known about this concept before we would maybe have been able to work through it and understand each other😊🌞
This was wonderful thank you! Im a dreamer and my husband is 100% a closer. I feel very sure your recommendations and advice will bring us closer and help me to understand him better. Thank you! ❤
This video helped me feel seen rather than judged so thank you. :) Especially the part about keeping pace or getting out of the way - THANK YOU for understanding that! I can imagine the challenge that is for a non-Closer and I appreciate that you made the effort to learn to give Closers space to do what they're aiming to do. I'm in a similar relationship dynamic with my partner dominantly being a Dreamer and me being a Closer and your insights have helped me understand some of the prior conflicts we've had which allowed me to amend my side of them (my partner soon followed). I know you said Closers are usually extroverted but I'm definitely not; solitude gives me the space to accomplish my goals which now explains the real reason I like being alone so much, haha! Solitude has been the only reliable way I've found to safeguard my time against obstacles to my goals; I keep a small circle of trustworthy and time-respecting friends partly for that reason (the real reason being that I prefer deeper friendships which means more investment per person, hence less friends). I CAN be social but I don't find it as fulfilling as creativity or personal growth so I don't opt for it as much. Anyway, thanks for the help understanding myself! 👍🏻
I think my Mom is mostly closer and raised me to be a closer when I'm not really one. I think I'm more healer and with her as my main perennial figure have picked up some of the traits like flash anger and tone. With her I've been the one to try to comfort while she wants me to be more assertive and force my way. As an adult and moved away for a few years to be another healer he had to tell me some times my tone can be harsh and finds it almost unnerving how fast anger will flash then be fine after.
Well, I'm a healer, and my husband is a closer. Our marriage has been struggling greatly, but he refuses to watch these videos or get any sort of help because he can fix and figure it out himself. So, I understand him and myself a lot more and these videos have been amazing, but I'm not sure we're going to make it.
I have a similar situation my partner would never watch these either, and they don't need help with anything. As a healer/dreamer .I'm an irritant that gets nothing done, even though I'm trying my best . I don't know how much time we have left . But this video has shown me thier harsh words are meant to be helpful. Not hurtful.
I'd love to know the ratio of success each personality type has in actually staying married. I know healers and closers clash and that was the case with myself and my ex-husband. I appreciate the tips on this video on how to make it work but I will not choose a closer again. Personality discussions is something I do EARLY! I wish the closers all the love in the world though, and I love the closers in my life, but just in every other relationship capacity. I could do with a nurturing relationship next
I (woman) am a closer and my fiance (man) I’m pretty sure is a dreamer and I really had to recognize my bulldozing in our relationship. It helped to realize that there’s no “right way” to see most things. we both see things differently in arguments and have a lot to learn from each others’ perspectives… we can be stronger as humans if we learn to operate at each others’ frequencies.
oh my gosh...I think I'm a dreamer and closer...thats not a great mix xD. But honestly this explains a lot cuz I've been feeling so down recently (even though I live a pretty decent life) because I have all these goals I want to achieve (like starting a family, getting my own place, having a career that I enjoy that's NOT minimum wage and getting my business off the ground) and no matter what I do NOTHING IS WORKING! Like I have the want of a closer but I am also a lazy mopey dreamer that expects things to just happen...huh...I think a lot of it is genuinely due to the finical situation in Britain (try getting your own place its impossible) but I do wonder if it is me as well
another thing that I would like to mention is that I think the worst thing about being a Closer is when you HAVE to let go of a goal because, no matter you try, it just cannot be done for whatever reason. Cuz you feel like a failure and its YOUR fault. Because I thing a goal can almost become an obsession, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can really get to you if it just can't happen.
..yes. It can become hidden grief - which can occur with something unsustainable - relationship loss, end of career or lifestyle. Difficult for Closers, by nature because we have to choose a different "achievement course". It's a significant change for a Closer, especially if a new "path" isn't clear.
This explanation helps a lot being a healer with a Closer-thinker spouse. (It would have been good to know from the beginning - could have saved us from a lot of unnecessary suffering.) Thank you. 😊
I’m a Thinker and my mom and brother are Closers. They’re always dumbfounded how I can be just as logical and efficient, but simultaneously conflict-avoidant, patient, and move-at-my-own-pace. Closers are definitely like bulls in a china shop when they’re after something, lol. Anyway, looking forward to the last episode in the series on Thinkers!
Very interesting. I think is very important with people in relationship with person that are aparent Closer to distinguish when they are and when they are abusive-violent person that, for your health, you have to cut the relationship. And too, it seems is important to teach Closer children emotional management and perspective thinking.
I am such a closer, although I think my secondary trait may be a dreamer (like to have fun, like to make my kids laugh, like to think about vacations, etc). So I know I’m conflicted a little. In addition, my wife is a professional healer (physician) and a healer personality. I’m very guilty of venting my frustration at my perceived lack of accomplishment (trying to study for BAR exam but family issues abound) and seeing how it scares them. I do care about my family and their well-being, but sometimes feel that my goals are either ignored or not important for the greater good of keeping our blended family together
Why not just use already-established personality classifications, like MBTI, Keirsey, or Socionics? Sounds like “being task-oriented” = Jung’s Extroverted Thinking. And being “relationally-oriented”= Extroverred Feeling.
These really are great. I just watched the healer which I would say I am. Combined with the Closer. The funny thing is my mom is definitely a closer. So we had a lot of problems growing up. I wanted more autonomy (also a normal aspect for that age). Being a healer. When she would tell me off I was always deeply hurt. She loves me amd she cares but she showed it in a different way. She was more protective and pushed me to meet her expectations because she wanted the best for me. When I used to live with her I would not have thought I was a closer. After living with a partner for about 2-3 years I can say that I am closer. I have to figure out when I am more of a closer and when I'm more of a healer. With that I will hopefully be able to better balance the two sides. My BF is a healer and possibly a dreamer (it’s seeming quite likely). You mentioned that following through is something that is important and I can agree with that. The interesting thing is that at a point in time I felt like I was not as reliable as I used to be. I tend to pile a lot on to achieve certain goals but in a combination of sacrificing myself to others and overworking myself I burn out and drop the things I was supposed to be committed to. This was the most common with work. I can also see it in other areas but it might be more related to the difficulty of changing and committing to change a habit, a way of thinking, or something similar.
I'm a healer/dreamer with a closer/dreamer brother. Anger, arogance and singelmindedness is defenetly somehting I can reconice from him. It seems to me that we can spend a whole evening hanging out and having fun, and then, out of the blue he will say something so hurtfull I will keep my distance for a month... Perhaps I will now try to stand up for my boundery
I have a question: When it comes to determining the tertiary (and perhaps the weakest function), would we relate more to the weaknesses of that personality? Or is it more complex than that? Because, even though I'm a dominant healer, I also find my strengths and/or weaknesses in the closer personality, the thinker, and then, the dreamer (from 2nd-least). Warning: There is a bit of information-dumping from this point on about the ways that I relate to the other three personalities. This is because if I were given honest feedback or a comment, it can most likely be accurate. Feel free to read at your own pace. Closer - I relate with getting things done. Whenever I tell my parents and church members about my accomplishments in school and other things (as well as needing to work on not being lazy or procrastinate), they'll say something like "I think you're being too hard on yourself. You did better than I did at your age" I've also have people say that I'm controlling and/or bossy when it comes to being a part of a group or working one-on-one with someone. Particularly, with those I'm not close to. Thinker - I relate to having analysis-paralysis when it comes to schoolwork, sports, and also other aspects of life that require me to take action in some way. This has led to procrastination. Dreamer - The only part I can relate with, is always trying to be in a good state of mind. That way, I can still tackle the struggles I have. Because at least I'm setting the stage for confidence and resilense to grow and foster, so to speak. I've also had people tell me I'm an enthusiastic and optimistic person.
Very interesting. Parenting leaders is great! Letting all children have autonomy of choice in their lives goes a long way in engendering Respect, Confidence & Trust. Knowing & recognizing attachment styles seems to help a whole lot! It seems to me that certain personalities tend to lean toward certain attachment difficulites/coping strategies. Such as Closer/Thinker-Anxious Preoccupied/ Dismissive-Avoidant. I'm trying to figure out my family members with these sorts of things. No-one seems to fit one-thing completely. There's PTSD &/or BPD &/or CPTSD as well as neurodivergence in the mix. My mom would say that raising children was like trying to "herd cats" & that she "got All Chiefs & no braves"...
I need more examples of needs and negotiating. Abstract concepts are hard for me to apply to unique situations and so there tends to be a disconnect between what I know I could do or say, but not know what things to offer or what way to respond to my partner. Is there any way you could speak on this?
After this, I love to see a video about Alicia and her journey to be a Closer/Thinker with difficulties with understand the emotional part in relationship to this Alicia, that is making a career helping people understand and heal mental and emotional situations. A career that, I hope, make feel acomplished... And I just know she have to have study and go to talks, and curses, and read and... How was for her to go in that emotional and mental rabbit hole and really try to understant something that, naturally for her, wasn`t all valuable until it was?
I have been WAITING for this video!! So so glad you made it. Lots or great insight and tips. I would love to know how to approach a closer when they are complaining that they have to do EVERYTHING THEMSELVES and yet are too controlling to delegate or allow anyone to take on responsibility. And on the flip side...what to do with a healer who desperately wants to advance in life or a particular area and complains that they don't feel like they're able to progress in a task oriented area YET they avoid learning/doing anything about it and they procrastinate and don't follow through therefore not progressing is pretty much their own fault. How does one deal with these two types of problems?
That was a super interesting content! But in my case it brought more questions 😅 I strongly suspect I'm a Healer/Closer and I often "bulldoze" myself. Could you make a video about how to navigate that combination?
I think I'm a dreamer/closer lol. INFP type9 ravenclaw XD I have a masters in math in order to help others overcome difficult classes. I'm also an autistic woman. lots of contradictions in me =)
You should totally make the personalities quiz free at least for a limited time and then show people what they'll actually get from joining as a member via a video. Because it's hard to know what value one would get without seeing it first hand.
I'm pretty sure I'm a closer. I'm a I will get this done, you see that mountain over there that's in my way. I'm gonna move it the fuck out of the way and nothings gonna stop me. Biggest thing I learned. People don't want solutions when they're talking about their problems they just want to be heard. So I just gotta nod my head and agree with them and give them words of affirmation
Are these personalities somehow inherited? Because I feel I am the only healer in the family and I don't get it, how is it possible? Yes, I feel rejected by the family, misunderstood and alone, and searching for some meaning.
I wanted to wait until I watched all 4 videos but I cannot 😂 in my family of 4, we’re all neurodivergent. In therapy I have learned that some aspects of my personality are actually just masking behavior from years of not understanding myself or others not understanding me. Also, in listening to you guys discuss the types, I keep recognizing opposing traits in all of us. Like I can definitely identify the dominant traits in all of us BUT the secondary trait is more difficult. I’m wondering if it’s more common with neurodivergence or is it “normal” to have a healer/ closer or healer/ thinker type? Hope I made some sense.
is it possible that I am a healer but I set myself to be a closer? I am the oldest daughter of divorced parents. because both of my parents work all the time before they split, it's up to me to be the one responsible for my home life. because I have little sister to take care of. so I say to myself to be a task oriented person so that all the chores and our homeworks can be done. but now I am already 28 and live on my own and have my own relationship. I just realised that there's always this juxtaposition inside me, especially when my partner is struggling. all I want to do is fix the problems fast with presented facts but at the same time I want to understand them, take care of them, and not push them. so it always creates this vicious cycle inside me.
Minor feedback on a great video -> I hear the word 'right' a lot. Something you could take note off if you want 🤭 i find these videos super entertaining, curious of all the personality types 😊
I really wish I saw these videos when my ex and I were together. It would have made understanding and communicating with each other a lot easier and maybe would have still been together. She was definitely a healer type personality type and I’m very much a closer/thinker. It’s almost scary how accurate the detailed descriptions are after hearing you both explain them. I started watching your videos because I have been dealing with a lot of personal and relationship issues lately and I needed help identifying the reasons behind emotions and behaviors for myself and other people. I just wanted to thank you for posting these videos because they helped make getting through this rough patch a little easier when I don’t have a lot of people to turn to all the time.
Are there mixtures of these? I feel like my daughter (about to turn 5) can be very bossy and direct but she also is extremely sensitive and needs careful handling when addressing issues, because she will hang onto that feeling of being scolded for a long time. She shows more frustration as well when she struggles to accomplish something she wants to do, like making a drawing look the way she wants or building something with legos. Her little brother is about to turn 3 and although he can be very self-motivated at times also, he doesn’t seem to hang onto his hurt in the same way. He also responds to challenges in a more wrecking ball way, where if he can’t get his magnatiles house the way he wants he’ll just smash the whole thing down and take great delight in doing so. If he gets scolded or has something taken away, he cries for a couple minutes and then just finds something else to do. They’re both very young so I’m sure this can change as they age, but I just wonder about how my treatment of them might need adjustment to better help them through the normal daily struggles of being a little kid.
Sorry, I think I was somewhat judgemental in the last comment. And I have to say something that I think too... I want to have Closer energy. I want to see a goal and feel the energy, the enthusiasm for go and do things! Learning about myself and trying to be better, I have a little of that now, but god, I need a little more little by little to be more the person I know I can be.
Lol the Closer personally describes my brother and his daughters so well. They also do have all the aspects of impatience, arrogance and competitiveness that makes it difficult as a non-Closer myself. Like they take board games so seriously that if they lose, (and because im not competitive and look at the game from the tactical perspective and respect its structure) they do not react well.
I am very much a closer type and I'm about to go watch the healer type to learn how to better handle those opposite types better in relationship :) Thanks :)
I am not competitive, but I definitely am resilient, a problem solver, and value accomplishment, but not at the expense of a relationship, because I am a dominant Healer. Working with people and taking care of them is big for me. But I take responsibility for myself, and unfortunately many times for others. I don't blame others if I don't meet my goals. But I will do anything to achieve my goals, sometimes in the past to the detriment of my physical health. That is the combination of Healer/Closer.
I just listened again to this video, and reread what I, originally wrote. I now feel that I can add that being a Healer/Closer I have had many times in my life where I, and others were given a task that I became frustrated and showed angry nonverbal behavior at the others that I felt "were slacking off", and therefore hindering me in completing the task, in what was in my view, for the best result. I remember my relief when this occurred recently, when I found someone else on our team who is also a Closer, and the two of us, ignoring the Dreamers and Thinkers, "just got on with it". These videos are helping me be kinder to myself, and by reminding myself about that last example, I can waste less time on feeling frustrated. Being a Healer, I am very sensitive to other peoples' response to my behavior, so haven't been kind to myself, and have beaten myself up if someone was uncomfortable with my Closer behavior. I was in a planning session meeting once, where the Dreamers and Thinkers got into a big argument about whose responsibility it was to Plan and Implement the Plan to achieve a goal. The argument got very heated. I just looked at the other Closer in the meeting, we moved away from the arguing group, made a plan with the 2 of us taking on the important tasks, then told the group, who were in shock.
Allan, the director of Moonstruck, and Jono are long time friends and made many shorts together in College. They aslo have a common RU-vid channel "Cinema Therapy" where they analyse movie technics, but also characters and situations from a psychology angle.
Are all Dreamers also healers? And are closers also thinkers? How do you know if you're only one or a combination of the two? And is there ever a possibility for someone to be a Dreamer/Thinker? Or Healer/closer etc ?
@@CP-gk4ri I was just curious because we hear Jono say that he's a Dreamer Healer and that Alicia is a Thinker Closer so I was curious to know if other combinations are possible🤔
Immature Closers seem too dangerous for Capitalism. This is why I can't stand to go back to work - these people suck the life from me. I don't want to life anymore. 💔
I feel sorry for read this and I hope you can see more that the working sphere and understand that life is not only that. The depression, anxiety and panic are terrible things that make us selective blind. The symptoms make us only see the bad things, more bigger and badder sometimes; and the good thing? We no see them or we see them and not value them. That's way, with symptoms management and, sometimes, medical treatment, is important training the mind to see and value the no so Bad and the good in life. I hope you can find help soom. Big hug.
