Ramblings on Depression. relatively serious video on what depression feels like. Ink in water footage - • Ink Drop/Drip in water... Music - • Sad Ambient Music - "E... Linktree for all your Oddramble needs - linktr.ee/animesh13
Even I was scared listening to this, I had the goosebumps n I switched on the lights...n I felt these are my words, n this is how I feel, this was bad experience, I never wanted to hear myself out loud.
I remember talking to mom at 8 pm everyday because it was the hardest task of the day , same questions same answers . I felt like I was on the edge of a platform where either of the side is darkness . People never really believed when I said I am not okay from inside because I was always smiling and all cheerful , it was only cause I didnt like to play victim and didnt like to gain attention . I used to sleep almost all day and life seemed with no purpose at all , no I ain't blaming my past or anyone for it . All the glam of the world didnt attract me anymore . I started talking to many strangers just to escape my hollowness or overthinking . I would come back late at night with having brightest smile while saying goodbye and there was my hollowness again , I might have kissed the guy but there was no giggle at all , I dont know how many good guys I lost because of my ignorance , I still don't know what took me to that "phase" and I still dont know if I am out of it or not !
im not romanticizing the pain here, but the way of portraying the expression of depression so complex, so easily, thats art! even finding one word the does justice to one onion layer of the condition is a feat in itself!
Oh my .. I broke down throughout the video. I'm not best at explaining things to people. but if I had to .. I'd say " This is me in a nutshell". Thank you for this.
Truth be told, I envy your expressiveness and I so dearly want my thought process to be clear as yours, and to be composed as you are. But on the other hand, I also feel relieved to be in such a ignorance that I have no realisation of the profoundness of the emotions that you feel, cause I sure won't be able to hold myself otherwise! I wholeheartedly wish that you get the very best out of this experience called life and thank you so much for this and all other videos that you have created!🙏🏻
Animesh bhaiya, it's been so many years, yet this video is something i find myself coming back to again and again; and somehow, everytime, it rings more and more true. From the fear of the ghastly "how are you" to the suffocation I experience when people constantly throw around advice like "just be happy na"....from the struggle at work to sleeping for days at no end, just everything hits home. I know not if relating increasingly to a tale of melancholy is any sign of growth, perhaps I'm regressing as time passes me by...but whatever it be, this feels like a warm hug, and is perhaps the only reassurance I'll ever have. Thank you, much love
@@OddRamble yes, was thinking about creating something along the same lines to relieve myself from some torment through articulation, but revisiting this video did the job for me.
Even I get depressed for no reason at all. It's been 4 years now that I'm in chronic depression. I was counseled but the psychiatrist found nothing. I'm kind of a nihilistic person and I know nothing matters in the end. Nothing but an endless void. Yes, I can't talk about it anyway. I've talked to my closed one about it once but I just keep reiterating and she gets annoyed as well. She asked me to talk about my strong side, not my depression. But she doesn't realize I'm this way. People don't understand. I'm the topper of my university. Everyone just assumes my life is perfect. I still remember. 2015. I wanted to kill myself. Everything around me shattered. The person I loved, my marks, everything. I'm still suicidal but I just can't don't do it because I don't want to mentally bend my parents' mind. I really can relate to this. To other people, I'm always a happy cheery guy on the outside, little do they know it's just a mask to hide everything. I know, maybe the lack of love in my life, maybe because of things I couldn't achieve,maybe because sometimes I slack off too much or maybe because it's now intertwined with my character. Depression is a part of my soul maybe. :)
After passing 4 years of depression and loneliness, i have mastered most of emotions like happiness,sadness,anger,pain, suffering,etc.So if people see me laughing my ass out they think i am happy but from the inside i have became insane and so intense about my emotions. When i practice to cry i actually cry but have gain control over it so i can stop crying whenever i want.I am not saying i am master of emotions it feels i am living in a simulation i can simulate certain emotions.I feel crazy sometimes and sometimes i feel like i want to manipulate the people who bullied me but i understand its wrong to do. I have realised no matter how much i try nobody is going to be with me till my end.
I wanted to meet these kind of people so that I wondnt feel alone but everybody hides their real faces so that others don't get worried or feel offended. Maybe it's the dichotomy of depression which sucks us into abyss .
I am fascinated about the video. It's abstract. The words you use and the way you convey things like you know me already. Let me know you got this video
I don't usually comment on anything i don't think my opnion matters this time This video hit me hard . I loved every second of it . Please make more content people like me need you. We love you #Indianjesus
Flabbergasted. Every word touched my heart. Closest thing I came to, that can describe the absurdity of existence and the meaningless shit we're up to.
Man we're the same i thought i had a weird issue i tried checking on the internet did a little research but couldn't find what the problem is and now that i watched this I'm relieved thanks a ton for this it gives me hope at least i ain't the only one! May peace be with every human on this planet who encounters this!
I feel like you are blessed that you can put your feelings in words.....bcz this is the most difficult thing Atleast for me. M glad that i found this channel ♥
I have started watching your videos a few weeks past, I must say I relate and not proud of it! The hopelessness and purposelessness of the existence is depressing beyond comparison to any other feeling. Most of the times, you learn to live with it and it is even more depressing!
Thanks for articulating my suppressed prejudices/conclusions/thoughts/emotions in sounds which makes sense to people or words rather, which I use as an excuse to be the way I am. Feeling sad that I relate to this but there is a ting of bliss deep too. Thanks man
The most amazing piece on depression...please make more content/monologues like this...you have a really grat ability to speak and express yourself clearly even after going through such a crippling condition...i feel it is breaking me down everyday of my life...please make some content on how to cope or tackle with a condition like this...will be really grateful ro you
This is good way to express, although never tried to cogitate on this matter but never felt same, but cud feel ur emotion to some extent, amazing ramble
"Bucket lists sometimes contain things like chronic depression and adjustment disorders and the ways for overcoming them" ... All those freakin other channels on RU-vid like 10 things not to do after a post breakup apocalypse are mere bullshits ... I'm glad that I came across your channel, a request !! Please keep contents coming ... People like me need it the most ... #RambleOut
Thank you for putting such an inexplicable feeling into words. It really helped me comprehend my feeling better 🙂 As heavy as this feeling is for you, I hope you find something so meaningful, inspiring and purposeful to put all of the wisdom this experience has taught you into greater good 😊 and however painful it is to go through it, may it feel like it was all worth it one day 😇😇🙏
Most relieving thing I've heard in ages. The extent to which I can relate to it makes me wanna believe that I'm not the only one facing this, which kind of is a releaf.
Love ur videos, ur an intelligent & sensible man, I can relate to your video as a guy I feel very lonely as men who usually go through depression dont express themselves, because of what society might think, so I really appreciate what you do. I've been through depression too but for me it happens in phases sometimes it lasts for days sometimes for months, & I dont talk much either bcz of ppl judge me & think tht I'm dumb but in realty its just that ppl arent usually interested in the things that I am interested in like philosophy art & music. when I get into depression there is usually a reason for it, & for some reason I just get trapped in this negative thought pattern, & I start to feel a lack of motivation to do anything, but eventually I find a way out by either keeping myself busy or by using law of attraction & just focus on the good, or I just try to logically get rid of the things that are bothering me even though it might feel impossible, what gets me through is having faith that the worst will be over someday, & someday I might find what this whole life is about & what it means, but I never think of suicide, bcz if I die how will I figure out what this whole life is about.
I spent two hours thinking what should I comment so that I grab your attention. I don’t know I’ve so many questions to ask , all I want to say you I want to spend time with you and say doesn’t matter what you’re, I’ll be there for you.
You just said everything that i think about all the time, most of the time it feels like im not even alive and then id ask what does alive even mean. Idk why im even writing this, feels stupid but if you are there i hope you know you ar not alone. Great vid
Its like someone just gave voice to my inner monologue. Depression is too complex a subject to be generalized or used rampantly to express a temporary low in your life. Thanks for sharing your experience of it.
Hi OddRamble, thanks for this video, it has made me speechless for a while. Your every single word is still buzzing in my ears like a poetry. I really don't know what should be said on making sense out of this life. It's a clueless puzzle for me as well. But if you are too much in this quest of existentialism or say it troubles you a lot, then I have a suggestive reading for you, a book titled "Aghora : At the left hand of God". I sincerely wish this will work for you. Lots of love and praises to you.
There is a narrow line between depression and feeling low. Oftentimes, the thought of taking ones own life is considered the differentiating factor between the two. But in reality there is much more to that. I think this video provides a glimpse into what depression really feels like in a beautiful yet tragic manner.
Sadness was almost comforting at first , but from past few years it seems like everything has degraded so fast . Same fucking days ,same rituals ,fake smiles.Its very exhausting, at first i sought out for help but guess what people who need help or can help wont talk and the self proclaimed helpers are just fucking helpless! Social media glorifies mental health but the same person who posts about" reach out to me if someone need help " doesnt know shit about anything they just need likes and shit ! Some are able to cope with this but some can't. The toxicity is unbearable! Just remember being on your mobile all the time or for some being high all the time may seem like it help but at the end of the day when you come into senses and realize the reality you know nothing has changed !
I can relate and feel each and every word you spoke in this monologue. I was so like you, but not anymore. I found a way out of this life shit thing people call. I don't really know what I want or Do I really want anything? I just keep going doing things which people, environment, job,etc want me to do. Sometimes I ignore everything and just do nothing do whatever comes to my mind. Sometimes I feel that I can't be satisfied by any means and sometimes I feel that I am overly satisfied being who just can't care enough to have anything. I am so pathetic and yet I am the awesomest being in the universe. I just know nothing and I feel good about everything yet I am living and dying everyday every moment. It's a never ending Road.
@@OddRamble Surely I will watch that too. I am impressed and really find it amazing that my thought patterns are very close to your thought patterns. It feels so scary yet funny. God bless you bro
Hi, I hope you don't mind, but this is how I got over my "condition". I hope this doesn't end up as another empty free advice. I used to have these terrible mood swings where I felt happy / neutral for one, maybe two days a week, but absolute shit for the rest of the time. I could observe this pattern every week, every month, but felt powerless to break out of this cycle. I even tried to fake it, fake being happy, but that was not very fruitful; made me feel like I was putting too much effort, just made me feel like shit. The way I somewhat got over my issues was, well, I set a routine for myself. Everyday, I tried to wake up early and go for a run. A simple enough task, I thought at first, but in practice, it was quite taxing. Much like how the first few years of a company are going be in the red, before any profits can be made. I couldn't bear it for too long. I ended up quiting this simple routine I promised myself I would do. Then, after quite some time, I found a great collection of songs that made my body burn with, well, I don't quite know, but the songs felt like a kind of fuel and my body an engine, burning coal or something like that. This made me want to go running again, a friend even came along with me. Then, a couple of months later, I just couldn't keep up the routine anymore. The songs were still giving me goosebumps and making my heart beat pretty fast, but there was something missing. You see, in retrospect, I was setting goals for myself, very specific goals. I didn't just want to run, I wanted to go this particular distance within this particular time. Around 3Kms in 15 mins.? I don't quite remember exactly. Anyway, the point is, I could achieve my goal, only on some days, and most other days, I would fall pitifully behind the time. And wouldn't you know it? These were exactly the same days I felt like shit! So, in the end, nothing had changed, I was always in square fukin' one, I had deluded myself into believing I may have taken a step forward by setting up this routine. I stopped running a few weeks after I made that discovery(probably on a subconscious level, can't quite remember exactly). Then, somehow, I stopped caring about setting goals for anything, I just carried on what I usually did, without expecting anything in return. In fact, I believe I used to expect the worst possible outcome for everything I did, still do to a large extent. I quite distinctly remember getting quite anxious, whenever a phone rang. I couldn't quite go to job interviews either, always finding some excuse to not go, the ones I did go to, however, I put all of my heart into them, only to be rejected every time I got to the final round. Then, a lot of shit happened and I clammed up, started intensively programming shit and tried my hand at some other shit like music and, well, just spent a long time keeping myself busy with "hobbies" as I described them to others. In reality, the random things I did were things I did to keep myself sane, to give myself some kind of structure, so that I didn't unravel into a "hikineet" that eats, shits and masturbates all day. I was in a flat desert, no hills to climb, no holes to fall inside. I could picture myself, walking on this flat land, achieving nothing, but also, losing nothing. Well, long story short, instead of setting goals to work towards, I set up an environment in which I could feel satisfied to be in. Well, to be honest, I wasn't making money, I was just doing things I found interesting, but these were things I obsessed over. I spent many nights not sleeping, working quietly away at these "hobbies". After a year or so of being in this ultimate state of autism(:P), I finally got a job! Due to this job I had to go to, I could not continue my "hobbies" and had more time to think about things and I realised that I no longer experienced those wild mood swings. At worst, I felt like shit one day of the week! My condition was inverted! Like a piece of iron that goes through a heating process to get rid of its deformations, I was feeling content and without much dissatisfaction! More than great, actually, I will be just fine even if I get fired from my job tomorrow! My anxiety was also missing! In fact, my job is to attend and make phone calls! (Lol, what irony) Although I still feel a bit insecure sometimes, it is something I hope to overcome as well. Anyway, this stream of consciousness has gone on for long enough. I wish you the very best. As a fellow guy from India (you're not alone bro!) and as a fellow truth seeker, I wish you the best in life. Gimme more of your quality content. It's something I've enjoyed listening to quite a lot, after a good day's work. Keep it up!!!
I would say this is the phase I'm about to enter as well. After setting up deadlines, goals, tasks and visions for myself and failing at some and succeeding in some and dealing with the mixture of emotions that come with it, I've realised the expectations I have of myself do not stem from inside me, they're all motivated by external factors which I can control and deal with if I grow a little spine. 'No expectations' is not the goal but to invest myself in the process and not the result is what I'm trying to do right now.
I watched Evangelion, It's probably the best representation of Existentialism, that I've seen in fiction. I recommend that you check it out. It helped me through depression. It made me feel like I wasn't the only one going through this...
MBN - CringeBox yep exactly..anime is such an underrated medium..I feel I’ve been exposed to soo many new ideas and epic masterpieces that I’ve never seen in western medium..That’s why I feel EVERYONE should watch at least a bit of anime..
You said everything I can't and am scared of. Everything I hide. And what's weird is that I feel thankful...thankful for what? Why can't I be normal too, be less of a burden to my parents for not being the ideal daughter? But what I do know is that I can never be that. This is me.
Starting around 2 years back, I feel numb and incapable of sympathy most of the time. I feel like I won't accomplish anything in life due to my lack of talent and skills. I have a girlfriend but I think nowadays, I'm still in the relationship because of pity and the thought of approaching her and talking breaking it off terrifies me. Sometimes I just want to disappear. It's not like I am over depressed, sad, miserable and all doom & gloom. It's like I'm numb to things and quite jaded. I think the only thing that will affect me emotionally is the well being of my siblings and my mother. I'd have disappeared a long time ago, just on a whim, if only it didn't mean pain and grief for my family.
Hi OddRamble, your production is great, looks like you are a talented young man. I can relate to you in a lot of ways and I am too looking for ways to find meaning in life and get out of this "Depression", which I think is actually the "Real Life". I have some head way in that direction but it's not very clear at the moment, so If you will like to connect here, I will share my thoughts more freely. Thanks in advance. :)
