Meltdowns in Autistic Adults and 7 Perspectives | September Autism Creator Collab 

Thank you for this video. I was diagnosed at 58 years of age. I'd say that this may sound strange, but I also think everyone who reads this will know what I mean. I am SO very grateful that I am not alone. Knowing there are others dealing with this is reassuring. I have no idea why or what causes them, even now, but I have gleaned many coping mechanism from all of you. Thank you for the education!

I think put very simply for me it is when demands exceed capacity . "Demands" include functional tasks, expectations as well as sensory stimulation. If these get too much and exceed the level of regulated status that's the point of meltdown.

Meltdowns are a bit like earthquakes for me, they can come on very suddenly, visible signs may not last very long, but I could experience internal tremors for some time afterwards.

I know this was regarding meltdowns and shutdowns in autistic adults, but as the mom of an autistic daughter, hearing from people who are autistic helps me to understand her a little better. Thank you all so much for sharing these deeply personal experiences and helping others understand a little better.

Wow, thank you for this. It has helped me understand meltdowns and shutdowns much more than other single-creator videos. Like other commentors I really like the term stress event. It is far less dismissive and infantilising. It is also more about the cause than the effect. The cause (overwhelming stress) is the problem for the autistic person. Calling it a meltdown focuses it on the problem it causes for *others*, typically parents since that is where the phrase came from. By using a term that focuses on the stressfu precursor, it becomes easier to manage the cause, versus meltdown which places the focus on the embarrassing and difficult to control part.

I have never experienced meltdowns and that's one of the reasons as to why nobody knew I was autistic. The thing is I only experience shutdowns. Absolute shutdowns. Fetal position, eyes closed, hands of my ears. Then, chronic fatigue for weeks. Oh but I was just shy. That also explains why I act, move, and speak like a robot right? A very, very sensitive shy, robot-like individual who always blows things and stimuli out of proportion apparently. Yeah right. Jus shy. So shy that I don't have a single friend, literally no other human being to talk to in my life at 30 years old. Anyways. Thank you for bringing the community together in these videos. It means a lot.

Thank you for this. As a later diagnosed autistic, it's helpful to have these accounts and find affirming comparable experiences to my own. Probably due to trying to reconcile with these experiences later in life, I'm having to work against an internalised ableist script that puts my own overwhelm responses down to immaturity, which I then expect myself to 'grow up and get over it'. This script has led me to live in denial of the reality and scale of overwhelm for decades.

Such a useful video!!! The understanding is crucial ! Thanks to you all 😊 I used to think I was crazy and just a bad person to the core. I’m still battling these feelings… but learning slowly to accept this side of myself😊 It’s definitely THE worst feeling, the rage and pain are so intense I’m always expecting my entire being to just literally implode. It feels like the end of all that’s good and pure in the universe, like nothing will ever be ok again. But knowledge helps a lot with the guilt… and with less guilt I started having fewer meltdowns. Acceptance and taking care of myself with diverse accommodations is the key for me. So lots of love to everyone…. And yes you deserve it😉

7:29 I resonate precisely where Bear sits in relation to meltdown/shutdown experiences and I like Quinn’s explanation of his usage of “stress event” in place of meltdown/shutdown. 💎

Brilliant Collab Jenny. Thanks for having me. Everyone did great.

I hate having meltdowns I scream and cry at the top of my lungs and I always worry afterwards that I damaged my voice from how hard I was screaming (because I'm a singer), even though I couldn't control it. When I have a meltdown the worst thing someone could do is yell at me to shut up, the second worst thing they could do is just ignore it, I like revert back to being a baby again, the only thing that will calm me down is if someone like a parent will hug or hold me and try to calm me down like a child.

Thank you from me as well... These really are well done and and VERY *_Validating!_* Bears account felt *_very familiar_* as did the great Neil's account. They were *_All Great and Enjoyed then ALL!_* Thanx again Jenny... KUTGW!!!

I really enjoy these collabs - it's good to hear lots of different people talking about their experiences. I related to most of that. I tend to shutdown more than meltdown, but it depends on the situation. 💚

Well done to everyone who contributed🌟 i'ts always good and extremely validating to hear other peoples experiences and coping strategies 🙌🙋‍♂️

Fantastic array of experience described here...as a very late diagnosed ASD female, I related to different aspects of several contributed descriptions. Off to process, and will likely revisit this video several times while doing so. Thank you for getting together these varied points of view!

Thank you Jenny for having me in this month's video,

Stress event, yes that's definitely better. Thank you for being the central link Jenny. Two more subscriptions; always happens when I watch your videos lately! I think I'm missing Bear's username.

Another great collab! I really appreciate everyone who participated! It's always good to get insight from others. I am amazed that others can articulate their own experiences with meltdown or shut down, so well. I think that I shutdown more than meltdown, although I had more meltdowns when I was younger. I am still learning to recognize the warning signs of both!

I strongly relate to both Neil & Quinn’s accounts, but also Nathalie’s account. On Nathalie’s account: I dated a woman with a kid that was going through some stuff that had his mom looking into autism at the time (funny how that worked, considering it was that that planted the seed of curiosity for myself). He started having what we both came to suspect were meltdowns, and I experienced so much overwhelm during those that I ended up shutting down. It got so bad one time that I nearly just went home without a word. The only thing that stopped me is desperate people pleasing and alexithymia, but I paid for it later. I doubt she would have understood, but she’d later tell me that she thinks I need to start going into another room to regulate when that happens. I guess she saw it before I did, at least to some degree.

Y’all are luck to be believed in the first place. I’m a black woman who was told by my provider that there’s no way that I could be autistic because I can speak well and am a good mother.

This is such a great collab! Well done to all involved and thank you for organising another multi-perspective video, Jenny. They really are such a useful resource for us all! 🧡

I get overwhelmed as well. I’m just annoyed at everything then I just feel like shutting down

Colors also seem brighter and sounds sound louder to me when I have shutdowns.

I also can have meltdowns when I think people have unrealistic expectations for me. When they want me to do something that feels impossible.

Jenny - Keep up the amazing work! Your content is so authentic, relatable and creative. ❤

Such a thoughtful and lovingly-put-together collab - thank you for being our central link and inspiration, Jenny.

It looked like the little alien guy beside the guitar in the background was having a time out lol

Good to see Quinn! - in far better sound and light than his own videos even! And with as keen of thoughts as ever. 🧠♥️

I completely relate to Quinn's experience. I'm also alexithymic. Great Collab Jenny!

I definitely can relate. I have had meltdowns and I always have to wait until I'm in a safe place alone to decompress. A lot of meltdowns have occurred when I have just had a huge build up of not expressing my feelings and people have hurt me, offended me, or another overwhelming thing happens and it piles on until I just explode as I cannot take any more. I should say that I had more meltdowns before realizing I was autistic. Now that I know, I am more aware of my triggers and can also try to express my needs to help minimize the occurrence more. Everyone's stories were very helpful!

As a 65-year-old self-diagnosed autistic woman, I have experienced a roller-coaster of emotion over the past week My 87-year-old mother lives with my husband and I: he has been away on a road trip for over a week and I have been dealing with her alone and trying to find a nursing home for her. Everything seemed to go to pieces the minute he left: Mom has fallen 3 times, had an ER visit & basically can't be left alone for long. I have had help for my cousins who have been through all this with their parents, but this did not stop the meltdowns on my part. I was beyond overwhelmed and am only now calming down to a functional degree to deal with all this. My husband is due back in a couple of days and can hardly wait.

Thank you for all your hard work. ❤️ from 🇸🇪

Great video showing autistic people who are self aware instead of only hearing about the ones that seem to have severe intellectual disabilities and are violent group homies. I used to work for an organisation that provided care to people with disabilities but the staff and nice clients were abused by the aggressive clients. The care managers always blamed everyone else except the clients, one of these people tried to drown a 6 yo girl at a public pool with her dad as witness. The report showed no empathy for the little girl but focused on the fact that the client was banned from the pool. These types seem to have complete immunity from even the slightest consequences for their actions. They were never removed from the organisation as a client. Thanks for being so clear and helpful. I’m neurotypical.

Great collab 💜

Thanks for another awesome collab Jenny! 😊😊

I only very rarely have meltdowns, especially now in adulthood. I do experience shutdowns much more often, and when that happens I just dissociate. And I have to be alone and be in an environment that doesn’t give me sensory issues and stuff to recover and feel normal again. The few time that I’ve had meltdowns have been very embarrassing, I’ve ended up shouting and/or saying some very mean things I instantly regretted, because, as you said, I just felt trapped and like I desperately needed to get out of that situation and be alone. It has kind of made me distrust myself a lot in the past, because I was just puzzled about what had happened and kind of scared of the fact that I had it in me to act like that. It does help to know that they’re meltdowns, and to know why they happen. I really hope I won’t experience one of those ever again.

Mine is very similar to the first example, I just cry and cry and cry and I can't stop it. I can't handle anything, and crying so hard usually gives me a bad headache. It doesn't matter what makes me meltdown, anger or fright or social overwhelm, it all causes me to sob and everything hurts and all sorts of noise makes it worse. Also the last one, I have to physically get out of the situation that's overwhelming me, but if I'm unable like if it happens at home, then I just start crying.

i have a question for those who are like me who have had meltdowns during teenage years but they stopped in their '20s...if there are people like me. How do you feel about them disapeering- do you feel releief of do you miss them? i sometimes think i miss them because now it all gets pilled up and even tho they were hard and tyering they were also an outburst and a releese and even a releief. (sorry about the bad spelling i hope it is coherent enough.. english is not my native language)

Great video Jenny! I personally related to EmJ and Jo. But everyone was great!

Extremely helpful. Thank you.

Wow this was a great idea 💡 👏🏾 🥰💕💕💕 thank you 😊 🙏🏽

So very well said. I was crying over not feeling so alone and rotten.

That was brilliant Jenny (and everyone else). It put into words what I feel but can’t explain. I was clearly seeing moments of my life where I have had melt downs, that I had forgotten about. I tend to internalise & shut down a little more. Thank you for helping me to understand myself a bit more.

Ummmm I am undiagnosed but your description of your meltdowns at the beginning had me smacking the table because that’s exactly what I do

I’ve been a bit of most of those. I can have explosive meltdowns where frustration overwhelmed me and I can find myself outside on my hands and knees clawing up the ground. Over the years, my most common version was what Tony Attwood has referred to as implosive meltdowns, but which seem to be referred to as shutdowns now. These are characterized by dysphoric, depressive overwhelm, and often involved a certain amount of SI. I’ve also done some pretty serious flight at times., sometimes going almost trancelike/freeze, sometimes fleeing/fighting, the latter feeling extremely animalistic. There is the occasional abject fear/freeze response, a few times I’ve had situational mutism. Frustration can feel clearly like a meltdown, that can be the one time I hand flap. Anger is harder to evaluate as a meltdown, partly because of stigma regarding male aggression. But I’m not naturally aggressive, and I certainly lose emotional control. Thankfully I’m only prone to breaking things on occasion, though I’ve occasionally hit myself in the head or leg. But never others, which I guess is pretty typical with meltdowns. You’re just trying to make the firestorm in your head stop. I’m doing better these days, I seem to have found meds that allow me to control myself better. I have long had what I think is partial alexithymia, and right now I am actually starting to be able to sense emotions, and most critically, isolate different emotions from each other. It’s pretty weird, and helpful. I used to describe the clawing st the ground as a “trapped” version of fight or flight, or sometimes as mixed emotions on steroids. What it feels like now is that I was experiencing about 4 or 5 sometimes conflicting emotions, all at once and welded together, and turned up to 11. Being able to separate them makes it easier to choose one and not another, I think it’s the ADHD med improving my executive functioning. Wow, this is one hell of an overshare! It’s always validating to be reminded I’m not the only adult who’s ever melted down.

My meltdowns tend to be very brief. A few seconds of screaming to relieve pressure and done. Mind you, the after effect--low energy and mind running in circles--can go on for hours, but the outward part is quite brief.

I could mostly relate to "Bear" and the guy after him. I have mostly shutdowns as an adult living alone now. Just if I am forced into situations where I can't get away and take enough alone time to recover I snap, but I hate it so much as then I am treated like a lunatic. When I was a child I had more meltdowns like Jenny described. I was shamed about, called "hysteric" which is very mysogynist. But I was a little girl with no defense. Then I startet smoking weed to separate from the world around me or drink, later took a lot of other drugs that calmed me down or simply let me sleep. I took as much distance from world and emotions as possible. Until I got unplanned pregnant and had to stop. That was the moment I was extremly irritated by noise, smells etc., mostly noise from outside or neighbours around me I did not notice the years between. To be a (single-)mum was almost always horrible to me, I cried every night for the first years being so overwhelmed and tired. Spent every weekend at home behind closed windows after I started fulltime working again feeling like every little bit of energy was sucked out of me the last week. Of cause I felt horrible too not being the perfect mum I wanted to be (later, planned, not poor and alone). Then it was a bit better and end 30 I started to get this strange "illnesses" more often when I felt like having fever, feeling so weak I just was able to lay down and rest or sleep, although I had to do planned things like preparing the room in church for easter night or whatever. My body just did this because I did not allow me to rest or say no otherwhise. Haha... I think that was very similar to shutdowns. Then I had some "strange" breakdowns I thought are panick atacks, but I never felt like I can't breath or would die, never wanted attention or help, just disapear and be left alone in darkness, literally hide behind something in a corner rolled up as tiny as possible and rest. I couldn't explain so this was seen being egoistic. Now knowing being autistic I wish I had known and be able to advocate for myself.

I’m horribly noise sensitive. Intrusive noise at home coming through windows & walls is the worst because I’m in my safe place, there’s no escape. Often, it’s a real small noise no one else can hear. I may only become aware of it because I’ve started feeling anxious, listen really hard & there it is. Then this tiny thing becomes a physical presence like a finger prod prodding away. I’ll start pacing from room to room, pressing my ear to the wall to try work out if it’s from next door or further away. Intrusive music if I can feel the bass is the worst. I’ve ended up full on screaming & crying because I can’t take it any more. I hate this about myself . It makes me feel insane & I’ve wished myself deaf on numerous occasions (although I do realise deafness is no solution). Does this reaction sound like a meltdown? I’m 62 & awaiting assessment for ADHD. I never considered autism but I’ve been asked if I’ve considered I might be. The answer up until recently was always No but lately I’m not so sure.

Gee, all of the above.) 😂😢😮😶‍🌫️🥵🤬👹

Sorry for the length here. Does anyone ever get some part of yourself observing and maybe even commenting when you have a meltdown? I've had one externalized meltdown that I know of, and it was about a month ago (about a month and a half after first resonating with autism, at nearly 40). I'd really appreciate some perspective on it, because I'm pretty sure mine were all internalized up to that point. I could tell over a period of a few hours that I was getting overwhelmed, and it felt like some part of me was tamping my responses down and deadening any emotions in order to keep my heart rate from increasing at all. It felt like an increased heart rate would tip the scales. At one point I asked my husband something, and I think it put him on the defensive. In any case, some part of me took his response as being defensive and immediately freaked out at the notion that we would get into a difficult conversation, which would require lots of emotional energy and induce anxiety. I couldn't form a sentence to answer him. I was sitting on the couch, and I automatically put my hands over my ears and wanted to topple over onto my side and not say anything, but I realized my husband wouldn't understand what was going on (I don't think he even knew about the concept of meltdowns at this point), so I made myself say, "I can't talk." He calmly asserted that I could talk, upon which I immediately blurted out for him not to talk to me. He kept calmly responding, and I eventually ended up screaming for him to stop talking, saying it at least 4 different ways. When none of this worked, I bolted to the bathroom and sat there in the dark not moving for an hour. The thing is, when I couldn't form words, there was a part of me that immediately recognized, "I've lost my speech!" There was also a sense of this part assessing things and choosing not to topple over onto the couch and instead force out that I couldn't speak. Then, as I was cycling through the different ways of telling him to be quiet, that part noticed that I was changing my wording every time (even going so far as to yell, "Goddamn it, why won't you do what I'm telling you?!", which is not typical for me) and observing that I was screaming at points. Is this normal/possible for a meltdown?

i dont know shutdowns or emotional meltdowns ... i only know overwhelm that triggers physical reactions like nausea and intense tiredness.

I can handle that "Incorrect!" Duane from the office feeling. When I feel injustice is afoot, I just have to leave, or things will go south very quickly. I think traumatized Autists "favorite subject" can be self preservation - and that doesn't make me terribly objective. GL all.