MHTV: Beauty and the Beast (Ten-er, ELEVEN Thousand Subscriber Special!) 

"If this were a romantic comedy the three sisters would be paired up with the ghosts in the end." Or you know, Mulan 2.

It takes nearly eleven minutes for one of the *title characters* to have her first line of dialogue. They had time for a trip-out dream sequence that was so long they started looping the animation, but they didn't have time to show us anything of Beauty's personality before the ghosts pegged her for the Beast's future wife.

"This is God, finish the song now!" 😂😂😂

this Belle is so humble, she doesn't even want hairpins for a proper hairdo. Also, all that beautiful classical music in this movie... mixed with that animation and popsongs makes my toenails curl up ...

"First snowfall" implies that it's only been a year since the beast was cursed, at most.

33:33 "We're not gonna hurtcha" "We're too depressed to bother" Does that mean they hurt cats when they are in a good mood?

“I am as helpless as a star that is falling”...WTF am I watching?!

The one thing I can't stand is all the noise, noise, NOISE!!!!!

Sir Adam Of Driver. The most iconic line I've ever hear

thanks for the nice present, Diva! I already lost it at "EVERYBODY DO THE NIGHTMARE CONGA"

“Affluenza: The Musical!” Featuring the Poor Person’s version of “Candy Store”!

That poor horse! First idiot dad releases him with dangling reins to get tangled on stuff and/or trip over. If he manages to survive the storm he won't be able to eat properly due to the bit. Then he has to pull a carriage without a driver for the rest of the movie. When the carriage is not in use he is left hitched because...

A Beast with no fangs?! Who sings like Zac Efron but talks like Barry White?! I know they tried to tone down everything about the story for children, but this degree of blandness makes the Disney SEQUELS look like Cocteau. Good riffing!

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no! Why did it have to be this version? Why the one with the Snap Crackle Pop ghosts?

Member that time when Phelous made a review of this mockbuster? Also, 10:28 ... Beauty! Were you smoking again? I’m afraid I have to let in the storm to teach you a lesson!

Sometimes I wonder if the servants start buttering the father up not because they’re nice but because they want him to fall in love with the beast.

The saddest part is, this movie included a lot of lovely bits of "La Belle et La Bete" that weren't in the Disney version: the father being a merchant who fell on hard times, the spoiled sisters, Beast asking Beauty to marry him every night, the magical mirror, the dreams of a handsome prince--it just BOTCHES THEM ALL HORRIBLY. But by far the worst part was the sound editing. The classical music is too loud, what original songs are there suck, and the sound effects are horrible. I could almost forgive the animation quality and the constant recycling of scenes in the subpar love song, if the sound throughout the entire movie didn't sound like it was mixed by a 5-year-old with attention deficit disorder.

And I thought other retellings rushed their relationship too much, this one doesn't even have 5 minutes of development!

The ballad is nice and well sung...at first, before it goes on for another five nonillion years

"We might have lost a lot of money--" "Buy me a horse!" Laying it on thick much?

I'm sorry, but I can't think of this movie without the dialogue of Phelous' review...still, good riffing. Maybe one of these days you can tackle "Little Angels: The Brightest Christmas" for a future MHTV, I bet it's one of those properties that the guys upstairs have disowned.

Anyone who says "cellar door" is one of the most beautiful phrases in the English language has clearly never heard "trash romance cover version of Funky Winkerbean". Thanks for the wonderful trip into Musical Hell!

"Oh, Bellerophon! You take me on the best dates!" My shriveled, pedantic Classics-major heart is warmed.

These riffs are outstanding! As for this version of "Beauty and the Beast"... yeesh. 1. Phelous (who also does a hilarious review of this version) pointed out the psycho non-logic of the Beast reading "Beauty and the Beast". It's like if Spike Jonze came up with this idea... then came to his senses and thought, "What the hell was I thinking? This is stupid!" and threw it out, hoping no one ever discovers his horrid lapse in judgment. 2. Why does the black ghost talk like Yogi Bear? You know what? Don't bother answering, it won't help matters any. 3. You know how in the song "Belle" the townspeople tell us about Belle's qualities, but we're also SHOWN them, so we can see and judge for ourselves? In just five minutes, we see Belle is a pretty, bookish introvert seen as weird by everyone else. Here, the ghosts just continually tell us Beauty is "something", and we're just supposed to mindlessly agree. Okay, I'm being unfair, let's see... Beauty, uh... wears her hair down as opposed to her sisters, and she, uh, looks nice in pink... oh! She has cheesy, elaborate dreams! AND she has a cat! How many cats did Belle have? Uh, ZERO! Characterization achieved! 4. The sisters' villain song is ALMOST funny, but by virtue of being stuck in this movie, it's a letdown. 5. The ghosts seem a little too eager to take Beauty's dad to the dungeon. I think they've been hanging around the Beast for too long. 6. Damn, THAT'S the Beast's backstory?!? The prince in the Disney version was just kind of a dickhead, but we could at least muster some sympathy for him losing his humanity! The prince in this one was pure evil! Good God, he makes Gaston look positively heroic by comparison! Serves you right being turned into a Beast! Good riddance, asshole! 7. Okay, Beauty fell down the stairs running from the Beast in fear. Pretty dark, but that at least opens the door for character development: perhaps the Beast, feeling guilty for scaring her, tends to her, nurses her back to health, sincerely apologizes, she can forgive him, and they can start bonding over stuff. OR he can just brusquely dump her on the bed, order the dumbass ghostly "Hamilton" rejects to watch her, then offer a half-assed apology and a damn rose (I highly doubt Beauty ever wants to see a rose ever again), that's good too, I guess. 8. So Beauty not only marries the douchebag who terrorized her dad, imprisoned her without a pang of remorse, and has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, but the stupid specters decide NOT to move on to the next life, opting to hang around the asshole responsible for their deaths. By all means let's keep criticizing the DISNEY version for endorsing Stockholm Syndrome!

I wanted the dolphins to break into a rendition of "So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish."

I really hope animated brunette Fabio and discount Princess Peach live happily ever after.

~Beauty and the~ Dinosaur. With Wacky Unicorn Neighbor! 🙃

"Don Bluth's The Shape of Water" Zing!

If you will, think of some of the greatest original love songs in animated movies: A Whole New World, Tale As Old As Time, Can You Feel The Love Tonight, how long were those? Apparently according to the internet those songs were _just barely two-and-a-half minutes_ long. I clocked it and Beauty's love ballad, _no joke,_ goes on for _4 minutes._

this would be a much better story if the cat was the protagonist, the cat would never have done half the stupid shit Beauty did

"Sir Adam of Driver."

I love when you riff these awful ripoffs, Diva.

GOD I could feel my bones turning to dust at the first song! Also: Can this special NOT shut up for one minute? The blessed seconds of silence between the ENDLESS background music are a relief too short Oh and this is also passed really poorly

14:07-14:48 Oh look, I didn't know we would get a cheap rendition of "I Want It Now" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

When you see the Golden Films logo, you know it's going to be bad...

Blond "Heroin" and Swan Lake music gave me horrible flashbacks

Anyone notice how when Beauty said her father was very sick, Beastie-Boy said "Then you must go to him", the _exact same line_ that Beast said to Belle when she said Maurice was seriously ill in the Disney version?

What the HELL is up with the constant Swan Lake in this movie?!

41:29: Beauty (when seeing the Beast turn into a Swan, after comedically falling down stairs): I would've jumped that big hairy beast, but a swan? THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT KIND OF BESTIALITY!

The constant public domain music in the background really ties this shitshow together doesn't it?

WTF IS UP WITH THE SUDDEN SWAN LAKE NEVER PUT A GOOD MOVIE INTO A BAD MOVIE

Ok, the snow scene bothers me SO much. He just leaves the reins on the ground. This a a major hazard to the horse and they are likely to step through the leather and tangle their legs which can cause then tho fall and injure their knees or become lame (the horse version of tearing/straining a ligament/muscle). Also in this setting you really should remove the bit form the horse's mouth AS IT IS METAL! (It doesn't really matter because all movies including horses generally treat them as plot devices and no rider in movies can actually ride)

I WILL DIE.......OF LONELINESS!!!!

I really hate these ghosts. They literally go stalking for a woman for the beast to fall in love, then set Beauty and her father up so that the Beast will make her stay. I hate to state the obvious but, Disney did it better. In that film, yeah the servants really wanted to be human beings again, but they don’t purposefully manipulate the events to make it happen. When Maurice comes, they invite him in out of generosity cause he was lost in the woods and had no knowledge he had a daughter. As for them considering Belle to be the one to break the spell, the reason for that was not that they had went stalking random women to break the spell, but have waited ten freaking years, and would pretty much go for any woman who walked in as a possibility. They in no way influenced Beast to take one of them prisoner, and even tried to tell him not to imprison Maurice. Belle made that decision All on her own. And they showed genuine admiration for her courage and pity for her situation. Especially Mrs Potts who kinda acts the most motherly to her. Love that movie.

The Beast sounds like a discounted version of Jim Cummings.

4:53 That ghost got all wet, so he's completely useless now... as he was mostly useless before.

The father picked a pink rose even though Beauty specifically said a red one. I think it’s clear that he doesn’t even pay attention to what his daughters say to him.

Notice how when the Beast was dying how they used the piece of music called 'Dance of the Dying Swan'? Fitting or what? :)

IT'S OFFICIAL I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL W ALL MY SOUL

I think those ghosts were indeed inserting themselves into the story. I've heard of Self-Insert Fanfic Sequels, but Self-Insert Fanfic Mockbusters is something else entirely! (Also, why does one of the ghosts sound like Droopy?) I think the only reason this didn't bring the wrath of the mouse down upon them is because ultimately, the mouse is pretty much going to buy up everything anyway (as they currently have purchased 20the-Century Fox). Why would they want to lay claim to this tripe, you may ask? I say just so they can burn it into oblivion themselves! Anyways, congrats on the 11,000 Subscribers!

Where's the Ghost Busters when you need them?

Those three ghosts look like the Ghostly Trio from 'Casper' (if the blue one was Fatso if he last ghost weight).

9:45 "This is God! Finish the song before I smite thee into oblivion!" 10:00 "You have been warned!" Me: (a minute-and-a-half later) "What?! The movie's not over?! Dammit!"

Going, to be honest, I think the Secret of Anastasia was better than this.

"Everybody, do the nightmare conga!" I swear I laughed for like 5 minutes straight

it took 27 minutes for the beast to actually TALK to beauty 27 out of 48 minutes I'm not even mad just disappointed

Old manEYEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeees

43:32 I think Phelous made the exact same joke. XD

well...fun fact: THIS is Good Times's SECOND attempt at this. the first one was with Golden films

32:40 OH WHAT I WOULD GIVE FOR "Evermore" right now.

Diva, I can't tell you how thrilled I am for you to reach 11K subs AND to hear you finally riff on this failed retelling of a tale as old as time. There were even more musical references than I was expecting this time around, and I was not disappointed. Also, huge coincidence, I was revisiting Rifftrax's Santa Claus live showing just before I found this in my subscriptions, so I laughed double loudly at "No, Lupita!!" Sounds like you had a blast doing this one, and I couldn't be happier for you reaching a real subs count milestone. Congrats!!

How NOT to write a fairy tale, remake... YIKES 🥺

36 minutes in: “when the first snow falls” But... The snow was already falling when the dad ended up in the castle... So like... is he stuck this way or not? ... wait didn’t they say years ago!? Is this like Auckland? Does the snow only fall once ever?

Looks like the cat's face re-arranged itself in one scene.

Man, Phelous wasn't lying. This sucks.

Just be grateful that you're not watching the Bevanfield version, Diva. The animation budget must have been £3.50 and a choc ice for that tripe.

12:55 sudden Swan Lake... I'm with you, WAY too much Tchaikovsky in this (though it's better than the original songs...)

6:20 I don't undarstand why this was beginning of the movie. I know everyone knows the story but still This movies "romance" in the nut shell Beauty have feaver dream about some guy on pegasis She become prisoner NEXT DAY she hears how Beast play the song from her dream so she decide she loves him but get scared when this "nice" fellow who just happend to imprison her dad ask her to marry him, who would think that she won't agree after one day? But then again, she have quite low standards, or she is like ghost and already knows the story. Also, how is it that Beuaty is the only good daughter and rest of them are royal bitches? I know this is from fairy tale, but this plot point is so stupid.

So this adaptation (not the original tale) is about seeing inner beauty and loving someone for who they are inside. That’s why the ghosts use physical beauty to decide who “the one” is. Nice. At least in the Disney version, Belle may have been unmatched in beauty but the Beast didn’t love her just for that. She genuinely had a good heart and had to show it before he started feeling for her. She was “the one” because she was strong and kind. Not because she was the hottest woman in town.

6:53 Wow, A flying unicorn and a prince. Looks like he can show us. Shining, Shimmering and Splendid Infact when was the last time that Beauty let her heart decide.

Apparently, the Beast is voiced by Peter New doing a Keith David impression.

"Zeus speaks for all of us." I died.

So, this is where 'Snap, Crackle and Pop' hang out during their off time at Rice Crispies (or as it is called in Australia 'Rice Bubbles').

34:37 Eh, probably. The butler probably got wise to realizing which movie he was about to be in and wormed his way out while he had the chance.

Growing up we didn’t have cable or money for any of the new movies out. These movies were always a free rental 😂 Yes these are awfully cheesy, but they bring back so much nostalgia. Loved being reminded that these existed and weren’t just a fever dream!

That one song seems like it's also trying to copy Aladdin

The music for"Live Like A King" or whatever it's called sounds like a disco love song from the early '70's.

Couldn’t he have taken cover in the carriage if he was not going to take the horse back home?

The abuse of the music in the public domain kills me

movie: tell us something we don't know diva: uhh ok, female kangaroos have three vaginas me: they have WHAT?!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought he looked like Donkey Kong.

Lol my dad got us Disney’s little mermaid and this instead of Disney’s beauty and beast 🤣 so it brings back unwanted memories 🤣

41:35 I can't believe it but...PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME GASTON!!!

I would watch a beauty and the beast movie wherein every character is played by Adam Driver. That sounds amazing.

"I put out fresh litter for the invisible orchestra" ha!! I had to watch golden films with a 4 year before. I am so aperciating the jokes.

8:02 Oh crap, it's the whiny dolphin from Golden Films' Little Mermaid.

The way Beauty’s father says “Never” reminds me of Leo from the Producers.

I don't know what's sadder. That Snap, Crackle and Pop are ghosts, or that they're stuck haunting this movie.

There hardly any Phelous references in the comments. It's completely useless now. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Does anyone else think that the blue ghost sounds sort of like Homer Simpson?

I actually kinda liked that "more" song

Please give us more of these, Christi. Your commentary is GOLD!!!

Will there be singing in the dungeon? No. Oh, thank goodness. It's rap. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

You missed the Snap Crackle and Pop jokes. Also this love song on the flying carpet --er, horse--sounded so much like Whole New World I swear they just rearranged the notes just enough to avoid litigation. Will Swan Lake ever be enjoyable again?

Press 1 for bass-drum shoes Press 2 for the song that lasted 4 minutes and just now is about to end Press 3 for a Friday at Walmart Press 4 for Eat with a passion Press 5 for for the rest of your life in my dungeon!! Press 6 for Wait, the Beast was singing the whole time? He's got a pretty good Metzome on him. Press 7 for He had whole storehouses full of grain, whole lakes full of water, whole food courts full of Panda Expresses and Orange Juliuses! Press 8 for sad Press 9 for {imitating prince's loud curse scream} Press 0 for RESTART!

Jesus, how long is that first song!?

This was made on the budget of a ham sandwich, wasn't it?

Thanks, Diva. This video was exactly what I needed after today!

That, ‘Be My Guest’ rip off hurt my head.

The musical pieces of Tchaikovsky in this are beautiful as always. Stupid to put in this, though. However, luckily, all I would be paying attention to is the music