Michael Cohen Shares Trump's Thoughts About Melania Over Hush Money Case

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Seth addresses Michael Cohen sharing what Trump said about Melania in his testimony for Trump's hush money trial, a zoo in China displaying dogs that were painted to resemble pandas and more in his monologue for Monday, May 13.
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Michael Cohen Shares Trump's Thoughts About Melania Over Hush Money Case - Late Night with Seth Meyers
• Michael Cohen Shares T...
Late Night with Seth Meyers
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13 май 2024

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Комментарии : 436

@peternic1 13 дней назад

I'm guessing Scollins wrote the skydiving/balls joke!!

@alihamdan114 14 дней назад

Not sarcasm, I'm so happy that the vibe of Corrections has seeped into the main parts of the show.

@mariavictor4324 14 дней назад

Seeped or crept..? A jackal would creep.😌😇

@SugarandSarcasm 14 дней назад

@@mariavictor4324shhhh.... if I crouch down, I'm invisible 🫥

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

"Corrections Vibes," the new cologne from Chanel. It contains notes of sage, rosemary, Lego, jackal, and Negroni.

@chiguireespacialespecial 14 дней назад

@@mariavictor4324 Have Jackals always been this creepy?

@davidg3944 13 дней назад

@@chiguireespacialespecial We started out as night crawlers, so - - yes.

@BettyVeronica2.0 14 дней назад

The brainchip joke was so underrated. 😂😂

@chiguireespacialespecial 13 дней назад

mine is working Fine Negroni

@Kelz_X 14 дней назад

He actually said Silence of the LAMB. One 🐑

@AaronHahnStudios 14 дней назад

Correct, I heard that, then said Lambs after that with a drunken slur

@0doVo0 14 дней назад

well one of his possible running mates does make it a point to silence and singularize farm animals.

@hallowen 14 дней назад

He also said "the late great", despite the fact that neither the character or the actor who played him is dead

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

Trump can't count past one lamb without falling asleep. In court, at least.

@user-zb7uh2ob1r 14 дней назад

My guess is he never saw the movie anyway. He just saw somewhere it got good ratings and that the name of the main character is Hannibal Lechter. He's just making up stuff up he thinks the crowd will respond to.

@brianh.4185 14 дней назад

Trump 100% thinks Hannibal Lecter is a real person.

@Viceroy_Sundercles_III 14 дней назад

He also thinks a cannibalistic serial killer is someone to be admired…

@AdrianColley 9 дней назад

He heroically defended JFK airport during the Civil War.

@heatherphillips8039 14 дней назад

Memo, to all dogs: If you hear that Kristi Noem, is coming to your neighborhood... disguise yourselves as pandas!

@stephenbuckley9940 13 дней назад

Does she have Crickets' head mounted on a wall in her house as a warning to future dogs she owns?

@vintagelady1 13 дней назад

Or as Donald tRUMP.

@SorendeSelbyBowen 13 дней назад

@@stephenbuckley9940 Wall of her house? She posts Crickets's head on her gate in front of her lawn to her sidewalk so the dogs in her neighborhood can cower in fear.

@tobeybydabay 11 дней назад

It's funny how people raised in cites are so out of touch with the rest of America. Perhaps she should have consulted with an animal behaviorist and put the dog in psychotherapy. 🙄

@SorendeSelbyBowen 11 дней назад

@@tobeybydabay Most rural people, in my experience, aren't like Noem. They understand how to keep and train dogs. Most urban and rural people alike are not sociopaths.

@markdlo 14 дней назад

Wow, a previous Surprise Inspection joke made it to the monologue! Congrats Scollins

14 дней назад

THANK YOU

@Flukiest 14 дней назад

Which one was this?

@SunGawdRa 14 дней назад

Yeah, that last one had to have been Scollins.

@Glenbard4 14 дней назад

Was thinking the same thing!

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

I think that Scollins has emboldened the other writers to tap into their inner psychopath, and present their own awful jokes to Baze. "Scollins" is now a brand, not a man.

@AdrianClavijo 13 дней назад

The parachute one was definitely Scollins

@charlesasmith7836 12 дней назад

😄👍🏻

@primrose62 14 дней назад

aaahhhh the Rudy jokes never get old !!

@sanseijedi 14 дней назад

You said it!

@dancepiglover 14 дней назад

The impression doesn’t even sound like Rudy anymore, but Seth has made it his own and I like it. It’s like how Dana Carvey did Bush Sr. and eventually it didn’t sound like him anymore. But it was still a good fictional version of Bush.

@mtb095 13 дней назад

I love the Rudy voice. It is just too on-the-nose with his position as Trump’s MVC

@alyssaskier2656 13 дней назад

The joke about the panda-painted dogs "constantly humping" of course works especially well because of the notorious difficulty of breeding pandas in captivity.

@moonkey537 14 дней назад

Can you explain Ireland's Amazon "you may also regret" in corrections? 😂

@MariaVosa 14 дней назад

I did not get that one..

@CollinMcLean 14 дней назад

@@MariaVosa My guess it was either a joke about the Irish drinking or the Irish brooding because of how terrible their luck is...

@xenidus 14 дней назад

In case it doesn't make it in corrections, it's a joke about Catholic guilt. I. E. Amazon has a "other things you'd enjoy" suggestions area on the web page, but in the Catholic world it would only be "regret" not enjoyment

@CollinMcLean 14 дней назад

@@xenidus Is there any religion that doesn't use guilt to be honest?

@ashtree7213 14 дней назад

Jeez didn't get it either... thanks for explaining. Ireland isn't very Catholic anymore, maybe a joke more suited to the 1980s...! This is how I heard that Ireland is finally getting its own amazon page though 😂

@derkeheath5172 14 дней назад

This is at least the 3rd time that Trump has brought up how great Hannibal Lecter is. I guess we know what movie Trump recently half watched.

@corvidsRcool 14 дней назад

Fell asleep in front of. LOL

@dancepiglover 14 дней назад

Before, Trump compared the immigrants from the southern border to Hannibal Lecter. Now he says Lecter was a great man. Which is it, Trump? Do you like the guy or not?

@jpdemer5 13 дней назад

No way he has the attention span needed to watch an entire movie. My bet is that he picked up a vague idea of the movie from an Internet post he read recently.

@stephenbuckley9940 13 дней назад

He probably thought he was watching a documentary and nodded off before the end.

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

We are entering Week 4 of the Trump "Hush money to adult fim star" Trial; week 3 of Kristi Noem, puppy killer; and week 2 of RFK jr., Brain Worm Eater. What a time to be a comedy writer!

@nanarose8537 14 дней назад

You named the madness that facilitates the jokes writing themselves! 😂😂😂

@sanseijedi 14 дней назад

But emotionally exhausting for anybody paying attention (not hush money).

@jenniferlastella210 14 дней назад

Yeah, because you can’t make this 💩 up! 😂😂😂

@chiguireespacialespecial 13 дней назад

they will need deprogramming for sure

@hotsalsita91 14 дней назад

I really miss the "OR DON'T" at the end of a closer look 😢

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

Seth is just waiting for us all to beg for the return of the podcast plugs. He is an evil genius, just like the late, great Hannibal Lecter. Seth doesn't eat people, though, because they don't pair well with whatever he sips on Corrections. What is that drink? 😎

@lynnhettrick7588 13 дней назад

I miss the “or don’t “ as well!

@rafidog 13 дней назад

yeah it was definitely the funniest plug for his podcast (I still never listened to it tho)

@Icebergwallst 14 дней назад

Those dogs were in the witness protection program because they saw what happened to Cricket 😅😅😅code name Panda Express 😅😅😅

@PapaVanTwee5 14 дней назад

As a 54 year old man, that "balls already landed" joke hits home... and I'm only half way there, damnit!

@cluvzinfo6856 12 дней назад

I hope you are very careful getting in and out of cars!

@PapaVanTwee5 12 дней назад

@@cluvzinfo6856 🤣

@funkaddictions 14 дней назад

"A wonderful man" Jeezuz what a crackpot! "That you may also regret" joke was great!

@dietotaku 14 дней назад

gotta admit, i don't get the "may also regret" part... why would irish people regret buying those things?

@jessefowler2733 14 дней назад

You're really beating a dead horse with the Kristy noam Jokes.. and a goat, and another horse, and a dog, and another horse.

@dogbert102010 14 дней назад

106 year old balls joke.... gotta be Scollins!

@christophermerlot3366 14 дней назад

Noam refers to the Westminster Dog Show as skeet shooting.

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

I felt the call-forward of Kristi at the zoo was funnier than the one of her at the dog show. So, Seth: 1, writers: 0. Kristi: 1 dog, 1 goat, 3 horses.

@xenidus 14 дней назад

😂

@peforster6725 13 дней назад

Loved your monologue tonight! Thanks for the laughs!! Windsor, Ontario, Canada

@theparadoxicaltouristtrave9320 14 дней назад

Dogs painted like pandas are so cute that it would have been fine I'd they were honest.

@davesnothere420 14 дней назад

I'm loving these Kristi Noem jokes...

@jonmartin88 13 дней назад

That RFK joke was good, really.

@PanOhChocolate 14 дней назад

While I’m looking forward to the day Tiny and his cohorts are no longer getting any attention, I will truly miss Seth’s Rudy impression. Gets me every time.

@si1verflare 14 дней назад

CORRECTION: The face mask on Hannibal keeps him from biting, not from talking. Trump could still violate his gag order while wearing it.

@sanseijedi 14 дней назад

But still funny if you picture him trying to nom KFC through it.

@FAB13 14 дней назад

So true!

@dancepiglover 14 дней назад

At least it would hide most of his face to prevent US from gagging. 🤢

@oldauntzibby4395 13 дней назад

They'll never wash the orange color off it.

@TracyAdams-ry2fc 12 дней назад

But the orange fruitcake would be hard to understand if I’m remembering Silence of the Lambs 🎥 movie correctly.

@Blake-xm4xd 13 дней назад

The parachute joke 🤣🤣

@leannevandekew1996 14 дней назад

Maybe she was planning to serve Cricket for dinner when she met Kim Jung Un.

@cynthiavanteylingen7922 14 дней назад

Or did he mean lamp who knows with trump😂

@peterg5383 14 дней назад

fresh material - nice!

@DonVideoGuy007 13 дней назад

The staple in the diet of poor North Koreans (90% of the population) is actually grasshoppers and lawn grass. Crickets; considered a delicacy, are eaten on a special Communist State holiday or wedding event... (😏)😂🤣

@anniejankovic8056 13 дней назад

The Kristi Noem jokes hit every time, but they were especially good in this monologue 😝

@msjamesesq 14 дней назад

Correction: when Trump said he wouldn't be in the market for long, he was not 78. That was around the 2016 election cycle when the money was paid so he was likely 69/70.

@nomadpurple6154 14 дней назад

when he was so young as to still be stunningly attractive !???

@DonVideoGuy007 13 дней назад

@@nomadpurple6154 - Exactly ...

@msjamesesq 13 дней назад

@@nomadpurple6154 definitely not saying he was ever attractive because he wasn't.

@LoganBluth 9 дней назад

The old man's balls touching the ground joke was an Ally Sheedy original if ever I heard one. 🤣

@CosmosMarinerDU 14 дней назад

Would someone explain the Amazon in Ireland joke? Thanks.

@sherinameless1618 14 дней назад

Irish literature is all about regrets and sorrow. So, instead of showing products you might buy again, Amazon Ireland shows you products you regret buying. At least, that's my take. But I am sleep-deprived and hallucinating.

@lynemac2539 14 дней назад

@sherinameless1618 Your explanation works for me!

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

I think serving a sentence in Federal prison qualifies as being "off the market."

@lynemac2539 14 дней назад

Well, it is said that there is al marketplace of sorts inside!

@jpdemer5 13 дней назад

@@lynemac2539 We could send him a recipe for "toilet bronzer" so he has some merch to flog. Might make him feel more at home.

@lesleyghostdragon3149 13 дней назад

The panda dogs: cutest scandal ever!😍

@BrattyBetty 14 дней назад

"Buffalo Bill" Trump : It rubs the ORANGE lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

@betsiecleworth5853 14 дней назад

Oh that's good! that's really good! It's so good I reckon the writers should steal that one for tomorrow

@NewMessage 14 дней назад

So... the Jackals are gonna take care of the Lecter mask/ gag order bit, right? Oh good.

@addeenen7684 14 дней назад

Deze keer extra leuk. This episode was super fun.

@mikemixon3150 14 дней назад

Seth Meyers was hilarious tonight

@jaebee1121 14 дней назад

Does anyone really think Kristi Noem wouldn't shoot a panda?

@lynemac2539 14 дней назад

Definitely if it ate a chicken.

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

She'd give it one chance to retrieve a pheasant . . . and then *_BLAM!_*

@lynemac2539 14 дней назад

Wait, they're vegetarian. But she probably hates vegetarians.

@oldauntzibby4395 13 дней назад

Don Junior was shooting endangered species on a hunting trip, so I'm sure that NOem would do the same.

@AdrianColley 9 дней назад

There's a chance she would mistake it for Kim Jong Un.

@alastairdallas 14 дней назад

The Amazon Ireland joke would have landed better if we knew what you were spoofing. Do they normally say "You may also enjoy...?"

@Neocaridina 13 дней назад

That last joke landed 🍒 So simple, so funny 🤣

@FutureCommentary1 14 дней назад

Skydiving at 106... His balls had already landed because he's got balls of steel!

@cindyhill9091 14 дней назад

The Ireland Amazon joke was SPOT ON!! lol

@cherylboucher4491 14 дней назад

That went over my head. Please explain.

@whatever4065 14 дней назад

@cherylboucher4491 The Irish are often seen / portrayed as brooding, thinking about regrets and such. So instead of "Things you might like" it's "Things you might regret".

@Oozes_Dark 14 дней назад

You know Hannibal would dispose Trump too lmao

@Recon3Y3z 13 дней назад

The balls joke had to be Scollins.

@peterjdecourcy 13 дней назад

I never realized until now how much Seth could look like a panda given the right KISS paint job.

@HavelockxXx 14 дней назад

Considering Trump's history of not paying his bills, I don't think Rudy would be getting these 20 bucks anytime soon.

@OccuBot2011 14 дней назад

How heavy are those balls?!

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

Bad physics there: they'd fall at the same speed as the rest of the guy, regardless of weight.

@bubblesezblonde 14 дней назад

good job Seth and crew

@zombiesateourchannel 14 дней назад

That sky diving joke is pure gold!

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

If you don't know physics.

@SorendeSelbyBowen 14 дней назад

@@jpdemer5 The laws of physics are suspended when telling a joke, but obviously not when hearing a joke: that depends on the listener's sense of humor.

@speculawyer 13 дней назад

Recycled Scollins joke.

@ttburn6338 14 дней назад

Speaking about cannibals: Where is Melania?

@peterg5383 14 дней назад

I really don't care, do U?

@gregarioustumours2397 13 дней назад

We know who wrote the humping dog panda joke 🤣

@deborahkogan8742 13 дней назад

Gotta love it!

@Maya_Pinion 13 дней назад

Rfk jr stated he is considered ' the early bird' well,I believe that,the early Bird gets the Worm 🐛. 🥴

@hierlesim 14 дней назад

Is there a “sagging balls jokes” Emmy category? ‘Cause you might, just might, beat Oliver for once!

@CraigMader 14 дней назад

I like the fluffy puppies better than the pandas. Oh, THERE'S that Stormy Daniels joke I was looking for...

@speculawyer 13 дней назад

You can't recycle Scollins' skydiving joke like that!

@MeowMagic07 14 дней назад

Give peace to America 🙏🙏

@snowstrobe 14 дней назад

Ok, the last one landed... And not a moment too soon!

@ShannonJacobs0 13 дней назад

I still haven't hear a joke about Noam as a dogcatcher. Maybe being being in the elector for dogcatcher by Hannibal Lector?

@cassandrakarpinski9416 14 дней назад

Look at it this way, if Hannibal WAS the VP pick, at least we wouldn't have to listen to trump for long, and we would also get an answer as to whether bronzer makes something taste the way it looks.

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

True: Lecter made a point of dispatching incompetents and a-holes. Funny fact is that Lecter - white, educated, and wealthy - would be the sort of immigrant that Trump says he'll welcome with open arms.

@nomadpurple6154 14 дней назад

Yes that long and often asked question .....

@sarahbousfield3387 11 дней назад

Wait I need to know what Anthony Hopkins' cat is named!

@matthewbrown6497 12 дней назад

It rubs the ketchup on its skin... or else it goes to court again.

@scandelicious764 13 дней назад

4:00 has to be Scallins. (sp?)

@AdrianColley 9 дней назад

Someone explain the Amazon "you may also regret" joke to me, I didn't get it.

@Xadov 12 дней назад

I honestly thought the clip of Trump talking about Hannibal Lecter was some type of AI shenanigans, not something an actual former president and current presidential frontrunner had said

@kittywampus 13 дней назад

wild guess. Skydiving joke was Scolin?

@bufflinguist 14 дней назад

Correction re Hannibal Lecter: setting aside that, as several people already pointed out, Hannibal's mask did not prevent him from talking, describing Hannibal Lecter as a character played by Anthony Hopkins is a bit odd. Hannibal is originally a book character created by Thomas Harris, and he was portrayed in other media by several different actors. If anything, considering that Trump for some reason called him "late", I'd be more inclined to go with Mads Mikkelsen's portrayal (even though that ending is ambiguous and if season 4 did happen, obviously he'd be alive). Hannibal doesn't die in any of the three movies in which he was portrayed by Hopkins.

@HavelockxXx 14 дней назад

Correction to the correction: it's spelled "Lecter".

@bufflinguist 14 дней назад

@@HavelockxXx You're right, it's originally spelled Lecter. In 'Manhunter', though, it's spelled Lecktor for some reason, so I think I just merged the two spellings =)

@jpdemer5 13 дней назад

The Hannibal Lecter that Trump was yammering about is precisely "a character played by Anthony Hopkins."

@bjdefilippo447 11 дней назад

Weird that the zoo visitors didn't know immediately that those were Chow Chows. They're a Chinese breed, and the black tongues are a dead giveaway!

@sdeepj 14 дней назад

Hannibal Lecter would be a step up from the available VP choices

@huffore 14 дней назад

The lost and found bin😂😂

@Lv-nq9qz 14 дней назад

At the port authority bus terminal

@huffore 14 дней назад

@@Lv-nq9qz 😂👍

@hmax17 14 дней назад

I think the Irish Amazon joke would have done better if it had made sense?

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

You have to be Irish, or know somebody who is. Or just be literate enough.

@FAB13 14 дней назад

@@jpdemer5 Come on don't be like that

@nomadpurple6154 14 дней назад

You have to be aware of American stereotypes of other nationalities.

@FAB13 14 дней назад

@@nomadpurple6154 If you're so smart, why don't you explain it to us Americans

@jpdemer5 13 дней назад

@@FAB13 Literate: having or showing knowledge of literature, writing, etc.; literary; well-read. If you're familiar with Irish literature, you get the joke.

@AaronHahnStudios 14 дней назад

It's just another reinforcement that Trump only watches Movies and Never Reads. A long time ago I read the statement:- "You are a sum total of the Books you read & the people you are associated with" .. not sure who said that.

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

That explains how Donnie is such a monstrous jerk.

@LindaC616 14 дней назад

I thought the panda joke slapped

@ednageddes1337 13 дней назад

💙

@Naryoril 14 дней назад

When Trump said that he wouldn't be long on the market if Melania left him, he wasn't 78 but "only" about 70, and everyone thought he had massive wealth instead of massive debts.

@jpdemer5 14 дней назад

No matter. There's no shortage of gold-diggers willing to take on even the most repulsive rich dude . . . just look at Rupert Murdoch.

@FutureCommentary1 14 дней назад

Kristi Noem has become a meme. On the plus side, she won't be forgotten anytime soon.

@marivegas313 14 дней назад

Kristi Noem Joke Had Me Crying 😂😂😭

@Amy-kr4tc 14 дней назад

Alright… just call out the writers already! Waiting for corrections is brutal 😂

@bcb7443 13 дней назад

Melania will stick around…until the checks start bouncing!

@leannevandekew1996 14 дней назад

You need to have Trump sandwiches available for the people in line for the show: toasted white bread, baloney, spam, Russian dressing and a small mushroom.

@KiloMintoni-kg4kn 14 дней назад

Auuugh!!

@SussexSandra 14 дней назад

That’s actually quite funny. 😂 You forgot the bit about the Trump after affects. 6 hours later you will be filling your diapers and smelling like Diaper Don.

@BrattyBetty 14 дней назад

😜

@KrakenIsland64 14 дней назад

That view/subscriber ratio is mf hilarious. People just want to see that near naked 🍑 once and they're done.

@DonVideoGuy007 14 дней назад

- Now - that was hilarious, Leanne!

@Ootek_Imora 14 дней назад

:45 corrections, Hannibal while being in prison for being a cannibal there is an argument to be made that he was a good ish person because he only ate rude or corrupt people

@awhitney3063 14 дней назад

I mean if it's a choice between the puppy killer and Hannibal, I think Hannibal would get more votes.

@asynchronicity 14 дней назад

Landed it😅

@lordcaptain73 14 дней назад

That lost & found joke is amazing, thanks team

@robertlloyd122 14 дней назад

I don't get the Amazon Ireland one.

@marktully7755 13 дней назад

...the panda dogs are much more adorable/likeable - and convincing! - than those fake lion dogs of awhile back...

@ESOJOTREBLA 14 дней назад

Seth, as a jackal, from the bottom of my soul, this was one of the best monologues in the last year!! Congratulations Mike and shoemaker!!!

@nyarlathotep4389 13 дней назад

Seth already did that parachute joke about a woman.

@momcatwoo 2 дня назад

You really have to be Irish to get that joke.

@Kanoog 13 дней назад

I believe since he started these were the jokes that got the worse responses.

@derrickstewart8127 14 дней назад

He calling Hannibal Lector a wonderful man because he's trying to send a *nudge nudge wink wink* to his follower that they should attack the witnessess and courthouse and everything else.

@longcastle4863 14 дней назад

Hannibal Lecter should sue for defamation of character.

@wendydabee 14 дней назад

Well, IF Hanibal Lecter was a real person, then yes he could sue for defamation.

@dm-heart 11 дней назад

1:26 best line - 78 year old psychopath with a massive debt. That’s right. And Conman and cash extractor and wanna be mobster - no thanks.

@Eyeball_Heroin 13 дней назад

How many white purse dogs are going to get their hair dyed black in parts, so they too can have the cutest built for portability pandas, like they seen on the news, speaking of which, did we recover from California using up all the Barbie colored pink paint, yet?

@kurtklauslanger8692 13 дней назад

what a difference, Hannibal Lecter is intelligent 😉

@Milaaq302 13 дней назад

Correction: the panda joke writer deserves more whatever they get

@steveimes4233 12 дней назад

Elon is his own neuralink patient.

@aditiadve5572 14 дней назад

I would like to direct your attention to the Surprise Inspection from September 2022 when Scollins made the exact same parachute joke but about an old woman’s boobs. #JusticeForScollins

@chiguireespacialespecial 14 дней назад

#freewally

@sherinameless1618 13 дней назад

#MakeRecyclingJokesIllegal #StopEnablingScollins #SurpriseInspectionsIsntAGoodEnoughDeterent 😼

@chiguireespacialespecial 13 дней назад

#payrisetothegraphicsdepartment