An older gentleman once told me ( they were married for fifty years…and I ask what’s the secret) this was his response. He said “it’s never 50/50”. And he added the one doing less must recognized the one doing more.
My mom always told me that. She said don’t get married unless and until you are ready for all the hard work. She said that she sacrificed a lot but so did my dad. It was never at the same time but it worked out for them. When she was working and going to school he left school to work two jobs so they could buy their first home. There is always give and take. The love just makes you learn how to appreciate one another.❤
I love the last sentence -- the one doing less must recognize the one doing more. 🤍 So this is the secret of long lasting relationships (not only in marriage but in any.. I guess)
I was married for 26yrs i was a full-time nurse for 26yrs, and yes it was not 50, 50 but in marriage you give more sometimes my husband got sick, he ask me to take care of him I did because I love him, I am happy ❤ I quit that job and took care of him for 10yrs until he pass in 2008 I have no regrets, just missing him.
@TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT That’s rude. I’m pretty sure she took care of him as he had a terminal illness, but how it sounds. Some people can be their partner’s caregiver, some can’t. I guess because she was a nurse (and a strong person) she was able to.
@TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT you are not a true American patriot. You are a uneducated fake Christian inbred trumptard that thinks he is all big and bad talking like that to a female but I bet in person you won’t talk like that to a man. Your a wimp
Facts. Married at age 22. Been married for 31yrs now. It's only getting better. Wasn't easy, but well worth it. My advice is to never disrespect each other through the tuff times. Harsh words can't be taken back. She is right, people give up way to soon. Have 3 young adults kids and 2 grands. God is great. It's all good now. Wouldn't have had had it any other way. Love of my life
@@Play-jv3oi correct. Wasn't perfect. Imagine, we really are still a kids at 22. I faced a lot of temptation being in the Army, but God got us through the hard times. I give all the Glory to God.
@@JackieC831 correct Jackie C. U can change. Just don't wait to late cause a person can only take so much. And once that person get to the point of "fed up", it's hard to come back from that. God bless
@@fedoramcclaren4294 its easy to dismantle a friend relationship regardless of how long it lasted but much more difficult to do so in a romantic or family relationship
@@highlyfavored2434 How so? I treat them all the same, so perhaps my perception differs. The goal for me is to be friends with family as well as a partner, so if there is a breakup or quarrel, we can still be on good terms. I don't use different types of emotional content on anyone, just because the relationship differs.
This is what I ended to hear today. I am 50 and my husband is 70. We both waited a lifetime to find each other and he is amazing. But it’s important for me to recognize that he does not have as much vitality as I do, nor should he feel pressured to work a full time job to support our family. He’s worked hard his whole life, it’s time for him to enjoy being partially retired, to be able to do the art he wants to and slow down a bit. I am responsible for the majority of our finances, but he does many of the chores around the house, calls to make appointments, researches things we need to know and most importantly supports all my dreams 💯. Contribution looks like a lot of different things, the scales will tip back and forth, but respect and appreciation must always be there.
I agree 100%! My mom told be this before I was married ...it was just that way & it's real life! We've been married 59yrs w/ 4 children!! Bravo Ms Obama ❤
My husband is my hero. I was a broken with two small children because my ex was a brutal abusing person. I started going to church then met the sweetest person I have ever seen. I watched him from afar as he showed his kindness to others. Needless to say I fell in love from afar. One day we met started seeing each other I was 24 he was 30. My husband passed after we reached 40 years of togetherness. We had ups and downs but always respectful to one another. We were strong together as blessed
Some people are always picking up where another lacks. Gets tiring and frustrating after a while. The slacker should have learned something or pulled their weight at some point.
That doesn’t mean having a one-sides relationship. My parents were an excellent example of this. They both worked full-time but when I developed an autoimmune illness somebody had to spend more time taking care of me when I was sick and taking me to appointments. Also, it was three of us and they had to spend time with my other two siblings. Mama went part time and Daddy stayed full-time to take on more due to Mama bringing in less. Long example but compromise and sacrifice mean a lot more than accepting a partner who won’t put in work…it’s deeper and you have to look beyond the surface
I prioritised my family and happily gave up my career dreams for husband and kids. Years later, I bump into school friends who shame me for being a loser. Money and career is seriously important for some people and they are proud of their perspectives.
You did what's best for your family and if not who would? Don't worry nd bother to such statements of people, what matters is whether you regret doing what you did or you regret what you wanted to do in your career. Sometimes we need to sacrifice for the greater good that others can't understand and you can always restart your career once again provided you are determined and the happiness the kids bring is nothing can buy.
I once saw a plaque titled *"Choose your Hard"* Marriage is hard Divorce is hard Choose your hard Another principle that always comes to mind when encouraging married-folks experiencing serious conflict is the *80/20 Rule*
In a successful marriage you give your 100%, but it’s not every day, but throughout the lifetime of that marriage. It’s like a relay race. When you run a relay race, there are times when you can’t give it 100%, but your partner does give it 100%. And then the roles reverse and that’s how it is. In the end, you both put 100% throughout the entire length of the relay race. You must compromise and play as a team.
Well, depends of how your partner “perceives” the giving.. no everybody shows love the same way and we should be ok with that.. I’ m little affectionate but my husband is very affectionate.. he knows and accepts me the way I am.. I show my love cooking for the family and taking care of everything😊
She said a mouth full!! I’m 20 years in my marriage and there were good days and then there were storms!! But I’m thankful to The Most High for guiding my husband and I through each good day and each bad day!! 💜
@@Jblah I agree. She was very unhappy in her marriage and only stayed married because she had to. If he wasn’t the president and this was how she felt, she would’ve been divorced Barack.
I’ve been married for 22 years since 19, it’s a swinging pendulum. I appreciate my wife picking up my slack in all areas but I notice right away when she is struggling with anything and I always run to catch her and hold her up then it repeats over and over. It’s a wonderful feeling to have someone there for you as much as knowing you are there for them also.
The question is, why do you allow her to get to the point where she's "struggling"? Does she do the same? Uh, when YOU are doing all the housework, and you're starting to lose it, does she drop the remote to come to your aid? Um 'kay.
This’s a very powerful message right here. Young people do give up on each other too quickly. They just want the easy life… and they forget about the for better for worse. After 32 years of marriage… I’ve could write at least 5 books of my marriage life….and I’m still in it.
I read somewhere that "marriage is never 50/50. It's 100/100" and I love that. Give it your all. Once you start doing the math on who's doing more and who's doing less you've lost the point of a committed relationship. Just give it your all and expect the same from your partner.
@Samuel Graff mate your comment couldn't have come at a better time, really needed to read that. Saving it for later! Not sure why it spoke to me but dang those are wise words
This is so true. The problem comes in when it's ALWAYS the same person giving more. Partnership means BOTH want success and happiness for the other, and are willing to give more when the time comes.
She's so right, just so long as you're not the one who's always giving 70%, and no mutual acknowledgment of each other's sacrifices, then it's not a partnership, it's a toxic co-dependency.
That’s what MO and the women in this comment section won’t admit - men NEVER SAY this. Notice how she doesn’t mention barrack ever doing 70 while she does 30? I mean they’re an exception obviously but my point stands - this rhetoric just supports the status quo, that women should be doing the vast majority of the work in marriage
@@ilysaportax33 respectfully, I sense that you need a healing for your soul, because men DO say and do this. Perhaps you should change YOUR heart and your thinking if you want to attract the kind of man that DOES reciprocate.
You can pay for school but you can’t buy class and she is just that classy and graceful. It’s never just 50/50 that always got me peeved a bit when ppl say that and how she explained it is clear
It is never 50-50 as she rightly said. Mostly women adjust much much more. And when it comes to 90% , yet exploitation & abuse at all level, one has to move out for the sake of sanity & safety.
Michelle said that there were 10 years that she just did not like Barack when the kids were small… I assume that was when she was giving that 70% and he was giving 30%… she created an amazing perspective for me… she sacrificed her career and accepted the load bc of what she wanted her family to look like regardless of how she felt. Some ppl call it “pick me behavior” but when you sacrifice like this for the right one, it’s worth it. So we must choose wisely.
No relationship is always 50/50. Sometimes one person needs more & sometimes that same person needs less. Open & honest communication is what saves any relationship. Never expect the other person to know how you feel & what you need; tell them, in short, & to-the-point terms. They will be more than happy to be there for you if you tell them what 'there' looks like for you.
I would say Michelle is 50% of the reason Obama is successful. Whenever you have two people working together in the same direction phenomenal achievement are possible.
My grandparents were married for 70 almost 71 years (just short by 3 weeks of 71 years). This is exactly it. My grandparents relationship wasn’t always perfect, but they always got through their differences and worked together so our family could prosper. It’s been over 4 years since my Papaw passed, but my Mamaw every night goes up to ash box and says “Good night babe I love you”. She’s 93 now and he passed at 89. She’s still fully in love with him. That’s the kind of marriage I want to one day have and I’d hope everyone can have the chance to do the same.
How lucky we were to have such a wise, classy and compassionate First Lady! Thank you Michelle Obama! There is a saying that I truly believe. "Marriage, if it is good, there is nothing better❤....if it is bad, there is nothing worse😢!"
Whatever you been smoking you need to leave it alone....its a fake and arranged marriage....the so-called husband is gay as the day is long...both of them are a complete fraud!!!
Love changes? You mean the relationship changes with ups and downs, but the love always remains right? Married for 60 years, that's amazing! It's an accomplishment you should be proud of. And it says something about your character.
I'm not married so I wouldn't know for sure. But altough the romantic feeling decreases, don't you become family with your spouse and a mate? That's why I hope to meet somebody that I can really trust on..
@@jeeshin4048 romantic feeling doesn't have to decrease, maybe this is what the others are talking about? The newness and novelty of being a freshly married couple can dissipate, but it's replaced by a strong confident tried-and-true love (hopefully). As you work together as a team supporting each other thru life's battles, having special moments together, creating memories, well in my humble opinion, that's quite meaningful. I can only see a love growing stronger. I would love to experience that kind of romance. Of going through s**t together and you still got each others back. Also getting to know someone so well that you're so in sync and in tune and know how to take care of each others needs. I hope I can find a husband like that one day. I hope I can find all of these things whenever I look into his eyes.
That’s what people don’t understand: There are PERIODS of hard. If y’all always having constant hard and then the other person keep asking for more without them giving something so that you at 99 or 100% and the other person is only giving 1% or nothing, then it’s time to reassess the situation as it has become abusive. Happened to me and so glad I’m out!
Once you’re The First Lady you’re always the First Lady. The title doesn’t go away. Just like Her husband will always be the 44th President of the United Stated of America.
I’m 28 and my boyfriend and I love each other but where in a season where it’s getting difficult and we don’t even have kids yet it’s no cheating or none of that but to me he wants in the future a more traditional wife, I don’t mind that but sometimes help out with cleaning help out with other things don’t leave me to do all household things by myself most of the time smh I’m gonna feel burnt out and unappreciated and he seems like he doesn’t see it, I don’t know how much more I can take I have a career I like working out and having my own life aside from him as well I don’t know man smh
@@erikabullock6642 talk with your boyfriend. I mean have an honest conversation with him about how you’re feeling. Communicating truly is essential to understanding. It may be how he was raised & societal norms, but you all must seek and figure out what works best for y’all according to God’s Will. Ask him to pitch in more before you grow to resent him. You definitely need & deserve some down time. If marriage and children are in y’all’s future communicating openly, respectfully and honestly are essential. Many blessings to y’all!🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾
@@erikabullock6642 this isn’t sustainable and you two aren’t compatible. You know as well as I do that this man will eventually convince to leave your job and then you’ll be stuck in this role that you clearly don’t want. You’re still young. End it and find someone else
He Doesn’t Have a wife it’s a demon with those teeth!! And those ears are so long and Big, People Can’t see , The Ones that are truly Blind sees with their senses of a extra one . It doesn’t look even look like a man!
Wow! Yes! I agree. Took my foot off my career gas pedal. 27 years into my marraige so glad i did. We look back and just say thank you God that we understood humility in a marraige.
MICHELLE 👏👏👏 GREAT MESSAGE, YOUNG PEOPLE ARE GIVEN UP TOO SOON. THE OBAMAS SUPPORT EACH OTHER I THINK THAT IS THE CLUE TO KEEP THE MARRIAGE STRONGER AND SOLID. ❤❤❤❤
That's why it is so important before you marry, to get marital counseling. Being honest and up front will let you know either to stay in the relationship or to part ways. Real talk
So you getting marital counseling to figure if you want to leave, going against everything she is trying to teach! Why are you not listening? You never going to find a perfect mate! Heck you’re not perfect
The best part of this interview is not shown here. She also said in 30 years of marriage you might not like your partner for ten of those years but the big picture outweighs that. That’s what commitment is ladies and gents.
😐😐 10 years of not liking one's spouse?? What? Thankfully my parents never say things like that. They didn't spend 10 YEARS not liking each other. They love each other too much for that. Her advice in this short is great but that advice is weird. Unless she means 'if you combine all the time you didn't like your spouse, the sum might be 10 years'?
@@ipsitaonearth5132 she didn’t mean in a row. You’re not going to like your partner every single day. And when you don’t, that’s not when you step out. Otherwise, why get married?
That’s the part they won’t admit out loud…it’s never fair FOR THE WOMAN. For most marriages only she will be expected to do the lionshare of labor for years at a time
So comforting to hear this, had to take a career break for 6 years, now returning to work next year, I knew I made the best decision for my family but still nice to hear this
@@lockdownbanter2445 I'm not the baby sitter of anybody, my children aré with me just the middle of the week. Then whit their dad. Sorry my english is not good. And I said this es my reality, of course everybody has one.
We have to definitively listen in full context. No one is ever 100% on all the time but when you find yourself carrying the bulk of the relationship more often than not, that’s where the problems lie. And when the foundation is wrong you run into all kinds of trouble later. It’s perspective and you taking an honest look at your relationships
This comment needs to be pinned. We give too much to people all for nothing and we think it's a fairytale. We are taught that it's love and it's something to admire....
This is a worthwhile comment. It's incomplete however. You actually need to be clear what's meant by 'the bulk of the relationship' Too often women believe they're shouldering the "bulk of a relationship" when what really they mean is they're shouldering too much of what they want. It's worth remembering the male doesn't want much of it in the first place. It's irrelevant and excessive nonsense to him. If a women finds herself shouldering that "burden" she doesn't do so for the sake of the relationship, she does it because it's what she wants. When you strip away the misdirection, typically what's actually being described isn't a relationship, but rather the various status contests she's entrenched in with other female friends. Worse still, it includes even broader pissing contests with other women on instagram etc to show who has the better homes/holidays/clothes/children. Women are far more avaricious consumerists than men. So some honesty needs to be applied to the definition.
Yep. Genuinely worries me that is almost exclusively women co-signing this video because we know that the state of modern marriages is that women are already doing MOST of the work.
