@N P that would only work if you're secure in your relationship with the other person. I jokingly say 'youre alright I guess' when my bf asks me if I love him. He knows I do. But if you genuinely believed you were a burden and your mum loves your sibling more, 'meh, you're alright I guess' is not very helpful.
@@Official_Maryam6 sometimes u so this. Over and over. Eventually it becomes to be too much. The person needing constant reassurances needs mental help. Someone who needs constant compliments as well.
justjess1986 she doesn’t need constant compliments that’s not at all what I was implying with my comment above, I was saying I feel her mom was insensitive and it clearly not helping her situation. You can see that through the dynamics in the video! Such a shame
@@chynahudson2082 yes it hurts when she just sat there with her hand on the chair when her daughter is so vulnerable. what you feel about other person it will shown through your action, no matter what you say. your action. people can only tell how muvh you care from your action.
I find the mother cold. I would immediately comfort my daughter if she asked if she was a burden. Guess the mother has issues herself. It's a broken world
@@hb645 yeah actually if i imagine me and my mom there I think my mom would be angry at me for getting this question answered from her in front of a camera she would feel heartbroken the time i ask it especially in front of a camera But the 1st thing she will be upset at is why I even felt the need to ask such a question to her and she would beat herself for doing a bad job at being my mother that is something I think my mom would think if i did this question to her
Was anyone else thinking holy crap be a MOTHER to your DAUGHTER and hug her!!!! Reassure her and tell her it’s ridiculous for her to ever feel like a burden and she’s a wonderful young woman whom she is proud of!!
Yes! Usually when anybody cries first instinct is to comfort them and hug them. But when it is your kid you probably don't have any second thoughts. Read lots of comments she is an adult, she should handle it on her own. True..she is an adult. But also she is only 21!
The daughter seems more like a lover and protector than her mom. It looks like she had to raise herself and in both beautiful and painful ways it shows. No mother would hesitate to reply to the question “am I a burden” especially when your child has disabilities. I love that her daughter had the courage to start the conversation but the mother failed to reassure or give validation- which is what every child needs.
Well this was pretty painful to watch! Was it just the editing of the video, or did the mother really just sit there in an uncomfortable silence instead of responding to her daughter's question? I could be wrong, but I didn't sense any shred of empathy coming from the mother towards the daughter. Perhaps there was a hint of guilt, but she expressed no compassion or understanding for her daughter whatsoever. I obviously do not know these two. I don't know a thing about their story or their relationship, but I cannot help feeling sorry for Becca. I swear I could actually feel Becca's longing for her mother's love, understanding, and acceptance through my TV screen. Yet, sadly, Sandra seemed very apathetic and distant from her daughter, and you can tell by the look on her face that she wants to stay that way. Perhaps she was just flustered by the cameras, or it was just the editing of the video that made Sandra seem so aloof and insensitive, but she really seemed as though she couldn't be bothered to give any comfort or reassurance to her daughter. How sad. I hope they mend their relationship some day.
I think deep down the daughter knows she's a burden. Your not going to get the love u deserve from her....that's life it's very cruel and you just have to deal with it.. and yes I'm a super burden on my family
It is just unfortunate that she has a Mum that is not open and comfortable in expressing herself and that is what her daughter needs. A Mum that drags her into her bossom, with a big hug and says we love you to bits and you're a massive source of our pride & joy! And expresses it in her other actions. I FEEL for the daughter!
Today i asked my mother if she loved me and was happy for having me as her daughter and she ignored me and once again i asked her AND she said nothing and i said : "i would never get an answer to that ?" AND she said yes; before that conversation i told her everything about me feeling a Burden and my depression problems and she got angry and started to yell at me she said many many awful things to me to the point that i was shaking of fear and i couldn't defend myself and stop the harassing, and my question Is if i get away from my family because i want to protect myself and my mental health It would be okay ? :(
Hi, Thank You all for supporting me & for standing up for me, I really appreciate it. HOWEVER, please do stop dragging my mum in the comments. This video took 2 hours to film & was cut down to 3 minutes, we had a lot more of a conversation, she cried & gave a bigger answer which was cut down for this video as it was too long. Please don’t judge people based on a small clip that you see online, you can watch my RU-vid video about this where I explain what parts they removed and how this was made. It’s in no way the BBC’s fault, or my mum’s, this is just how it was edited to save time, as most things are. I understand it seems like she was cold however this was not the case IRL. Thank You again for caring so much about me & for standing up for me, I appreciate the support but please think before typing as reading so many negative comments about my mum, and her reading them herself, leaves a lasting affect. X
Hi becca, a very brave video was made here! I just wanted to say that at your age you’re so young to be worried about being a burden. Your still a kid by todays standards! And when your mum had you she didn’t have a secret plan to kick you out the minute you turned 18 lol! Many people live at home now. God bless the Mums 🦸♀️ Including yours. Xxx
Hi Becca, thank you for posting this comment. My 19 year old son is disabled and I as his father am his full time care giver. I have to say the video as it was cut made me very angry. So I like a lot of people unloaded on your mum. I will delete the comment and I hope you and your mum can have the life you both need. I love my life with our son. He is so much more than his disability. You are never a burden to those that love you. All the best, Paul.
This should be the top comment. So glad to hear this, what a relief! I did wonder if it was just poor editing choices that made your mother's demeanor seem rather cold. So happy to hear that this was indeed the case. I wish you both all the best.
No...the answer is no. I love you exactly the way you are. Yes, your illnesses are a struggle but you are my daughter and everything that comes with you. That’s the answer you give...
You guys are all making judgements about the mother based on a 3 minute video. I understand she seems a bit cold or whatever, but we have to be empathetic here. This girl is 21 years old. We don't know what the family has been through or what they've had to do all these years. Maybe its an emotional defense mechanism, or maybe the mum is even struggling with mental health herself? Yes you can critisise but don't be mean. I couldn't imagine long suffering for my child, only for people to say I'm a "narcissistic" mother! Maybe she is a bad mother, but maybe she isn't?
Her mum seems like she doesn’t like her tbh 🙄 Bless her she should get more support from her mum! Sorry but i have mental health and my mum fully supports me, feel like this mum needs to show her she loves her!
I'm crying over the way she compares herself to her younger sister. As if she was something to cast aside when she should be anything but. She deserves to be hugged and told she is worth everything, that she is amazing. She deserved a better reaction. No matter what age.
If my child ever said that or felt that way I would be DEVASTATED her mother was so insensitive and she came off as cold and uncomfortable 😣 ughhh I couldn’t watch this
I'd say the question probably shocked the mum. I'd be shocked if either of my children felt this. They are both disabled and I won't lie, it's hard work. But I just have such admiration and pride in both of them. How they deal with medical issues with rarely a complaint stuns me. If I had the chronic pain my oldest child had I'd definitely shout about it. She acts with dignity and strength way beyond her years.
The mums body language in all this is testament to what the daughter is feeling. She’s emotionally detached, if my daughter ever said that to me I’d be an emotional wreck in less than 1 second.. the way the mum actually had to take the time to think about if her daughter is a burden on her is shocking.
Mums are people too, and yes they too do get tired. She has her issues but if she was there throughout, she can get tired her daughter is grown afterall
I just know that I'm a burden on my family, my parents pay for my education, I fail. My parents give me food, I dont want to eat it (eating disorder). My parents give me gifts, I'm still not happy. I feel so bad for being a burden on my parents just makes me feel like a dumb idiot doing nothing in my life
ive been bedridden for most of 3 years, sick for a lot longer and i feel like such a burden- i think my parents make it prety ovious i am. chronic pain/fatigue/ i stopped being able to feel my legs walk much almost 3 years ago and they think im better so i should move out but im not- i can hardly sit up most o fthe times, and i can hardly see, i go to therapy and then pass out all day i barely have strengths to heat up food . i lost the ability to do everything- everything lost everything. even when i was young with anxiety issues only- i felt my mom was embaressed of me. Now that i tell them please im not cabalple dont make me leave, my mom just says " you were alwasy anxious"- yes i was about tests and did have an anxiety disorder- but now i cant do anything its not just anxiety. And them thinking im such a burden- I def get more suicidal than i already am. I think if i asked my mom she would just ssay yes- when i said it the other day she just nodded.
That was very saddening to read😭 some people are simply aren't thankful for having the gift of a child. If i had children one day i would never consider them as a burden, their happiness would be my happiness. I simply wish the best for them as i wish the best for everyone, including you. Remember that. You're worth so much more as a human being, and as long as show qualities of kindness and compassion, you are better than most of the people on this planet who aren't to me☺️
No child comes to the conclusion "I am a burden" if SOMEONE ELSE has not made her feel like that with words, actions, no-actions, and silence. Asking to your mum if you are a burden on her and not getting IMMEDIATELY a NO from her as an answer, well, that silence says it all.
This kind of turbulent status between a child and a parent, be to a mother or father, puts me in a belief that I am a person who will live a better, more comfortable, and happier life alone, without any family member, specifically a child, parent, or even a superior relative. The emotional negligence a parent continuously commits or even denies to accept and apologize is a scar and trauma that will not heal. Yes, children will always have gratitude for being born into this world, but it is important for parents to always--ALWAYS--remind themselves that creating their children as humans is their choice. We are not pets who are only supported with food, shelter, or who knows tangible things, but we are humans who need feelings and belongingness. We are not mind-readers at the age of 14 years old who will become wiser ahead of time for them to scold us out of the blue about our lack of skills in practicing the "wisdom of life".
i’m disabled 33 year old collecting social security disability for mental illness i am a burden but my mom texts me she loves me. i’m still a burden though.
If I asked my mom this she would say no but I would know deep down she knows I am because I’ve heard her talking to her stepbrother and they don’t know the things I’ve heard and I go back on it because I don’t think they like me because I’m so closed off and it’s hard to know the real me
Literally this is me and my mum.We have the worst relationship ever.She always feels frustrated and unsatisfied. Sorry for not being the perfect daughter.
The comments are a bit unfair. You can clearly see that the mum doesn't feel so comfortable to talk about such a sensitive topic on camera. And she was probably thinking about possible reactions. Plus for some people it's hard to talk about feelings, they rather show them than talk about it.
Please don’t judge a mother, she’s not just a mother and she’s allowed to be caught off guard and maybe even guilty. As a parent you love and care for your children but you can’t fix everything.
I only suffer with thyroid all my life I went to a special school they called it then until when I was 23 then started having fits and have mental health problems which is caused by both illness I also have osteoarthritis 61 and am independent live on my own but love it that way I live about 20 miles away from family in which I felt I had to none of my family ring me my dad is not in very good health I Carn't get over to see him again but I ring him to check I somet I wounder why I have had friends but my trust has been broken that many times by them I'm beginning to and like my own company and very much appreciate much that it doesn't bother me I have had dogs in the past but with my osteoarthritis it's not fair if I got another dog and our housing association won't let us anymore which I think is very wrong though really and couldn't afford one now that my UTUBE o is my tablet I love and don't how long I can afford it much longer as I have had my benifits cut dramatically but otherwise I keep myself going it's lovely and quiet oh I do, have a not so modern telly which does me the one and best thing I love there is no one to upset me yippee I do talk to a few people who are fine I've always felt and been told that my sister's are jealous god knows why I've had breast cancer in 2005 early stages but I came out of it fine don't you ever feel different from anyone else you are speacal and just as good even better than anyone else you are your own unique person and people like us always are strong underneath we still have are own whitty ways I love being a bit mischievous and I have learnt to fight for my rights In this world I've just come out of a bad time with some people no not a fella to late now it was bully's from the housing stud my ground hey do you or have you ever felt one step ahead of everyone cos that's how I always felt I life you are probably are we people have something about us that no one else have oh I'm and always been friendly person and but very curious so never put your self down and oh your mum should of been more understanding and surported if it wasn't for my mum I don't know where I Well do know and been told or made to feel that way by my sister's and dad that I should have been put in a home of some kind and I have taught myself a lot of things by reading and writing short poems so on I put myself through some good courses I think English and what so ever and I still love learning things today interesting in everything got loads of hobbies so who needs people when I've got my never stop intresting self I say 😊😍😊😀😊😍😂🤣🤣I have very down days but I always think if I want to feel low I can their's no one to tell me buck up I just do something nice for myself I've also got diabetes 2 but I'll get or will have to get on with it I'm not overwaight Haha not with my thyroid Hahaha please never forget you a a very speacal person and the world Carn't get another like you you are so beautiful as well I was made to feel ugly but hey I'm the one who fella's like better and been told I'm very sexy not that I interested anymore too much trouble they R hahaha you can call me caz OK 😇😇😇😇👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼the only time I miss anyone is when I have a problem with health or some people
This is so sad that Becca feels this way ,and mom never even Brock a tear , she need unconditional Love from mom ! Very sad this REALY Brock my heart , how could mom hesitate when her lovely daughter asked if she was a burden ,she's a lovely girl !
It seems to me that a lot of you didn't grow up with a mother like this, which is great mind you. However as someone who did grow up with a mother who may have been cold at times or unavailable for her own reasons I think it is great that her mother even said as much as she did because some of us don't even get that much.
awe I'm glad to see how she got to tell her mum about this and her feelings this should of been resolved years ago though before she got to this age she will still have low Confidence self-esteem but this issue should be open to all of her family as it will not go away if she is not discussed with the rest of the family bless her I do hope she will grow and prosper in her life don't forget always talk to your angels I always turn to mine all the best for your future 👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼😇😇😇😇😇
I comp understand where she's coming from I have three sisters two younger one older and I'm treated the same way like all my life I been treated this embarrassment and a burden to my family exspect by my mum was fine but now she has been passed away since 1996 I still get treated the same way now
Mom should have answered immediately, “No! Of course you’re not a burden on me! I’m your mother and it’s my job and my responsibility to look after you!” without hesitation. Sheesh.
I don't think this mom is being insensitive. I think what happened is early in life this mom recognized her daughter was gonna have to be a little tougher and so she was a little tougher to prepare her for real life and she just she had a hard time transitioning from that. I feel this mom really loves her daughter and Now that they've had THE conversation its something that she can consciously work on
